(no subject)
Title: Closure (oneshot)
Author: war_of_ataraxis
Pairing: Vam
Rating: G
Summary: Ville calls Bam out of nowhere and finally offers an apology Bam had been waiting for for so long. Only it doesn’t have the effect it should.
Disclaimer: Don’t own, don’t sue me. Seriously.
Writing archive as love_sex_angst
Okay, this one last one shot before I finally go back to the other stories. They’re getting harder to write, and these just keep popping into my head.
This one loosely based on a conversation I had today with an old “friend.”
Sitting there, stuck in my own thoughts, I was disrupted by the ringing of my cell phone.
The caller ID was not one that I recognized, but I flipped it open anyway, ready to deal with the stupidity of a random fan.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” the voice I hadn’t heard in almost a year flowed into my ears and rendered me speechless. There was a slight pause before you continued, “I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now but I just wanted to call and ask how you were doing because I’ve - “
“No,” I finally choked out, and you stopped speaking.
“No what?” you questioned, and I could hear the uncertainty in your voice; as if you had done the exact thing I had been thinking of doing for so long.
“I - you’re not the last person I want to talk to right now… I’ve actually wanted to talk to you.”
I could almost hear a smile come to your voice as you regained that suave and smooth personality so many people always figured you’d have, the one I’d always known was nothing more than a front. “Ah, about anything in particular?”
“No… just wanted to see how you were doing, I guess.” A little bit of a lie, but I couldn’t find the words to phrase exactly what I had wanted to ask.
Do you regret what you did, Ville? Or do you regret me catching you?
“Well, I’ve been doing pretty good… We just recorded a new album…”
“I heard.”
I’m not deaf, you’re all over the news…
“Yeah, I figured you did… ya know, it’s coming out next week - it’s so weird not to be sending you an advance copy. Nobody was there to get drunk with me and tell me how great I was doing…”
I laughed slightly at you, even through my nervousness that still reigned even after so many rehearsals and neglected phone calls.
“Conceited much?” I questioned in a forced joking manner and I could imagine your scowl.
“You knew what I meant.”
Yeah, but really… I don’t want to.
“Yeah… but I’m sure there are hundreds of other guys out that would’ve loved to have heard it, Ville.”
There was a pause. “But it’s not the same, Bam, and you know its not.”
A pause on my end reciprocated this statement.
How true.
“I know,” I finally muttered, rubbing my tense forehead with my hand and setting my laptop that I had been typing on before the call down. I couldn’t concentrate on anything else while this was going on; my mind was hardly working as it was.
There was a sigh on the your end of the phone. “Look, Bam, I just wanted to tell you that I really miss you, man. I… I didn’t realize how much you meant to me before you left. I was so stupid… I-I’m so sorry for all the shit that I did to you…”
I nodded slightly my mouth opening in an attempt to force out a response that wouldn’t quite come, stunned by this sudden apology I had cried so much for the year before, but now just hung there.
It didn’t have the effect I would have expected.
It’s too late… but you know that, don’t you Ville?
“Yeah…” my mind finally restarted at this revelation before clicking back into my usual personality. “You didn’t realize how amazing I was,” I joked, laughing slightly, “That I was the best person you - “
“You’re joking, Bam, but you’re telling more truth than you know.”
No, I know, that’s why I said it.
I fell silent, and just stared at the wall where the giant HIM poster had just been replaced after my inability to look at it for so long. Now it was just another band, an old friend, no attachment. It meant nothing.
Our silence was shared on opposite ends of the phone over the miles and across the oceans.
There was nothing left to say.
“Well, uh, look, Ville, I gotta be going, I’m supposed to go out with the guys,” I finally muttered and looked down at the table, scratching at a mark left from who knows what.
He let out a shaky breath, and I could almost sense his nod, even though he knew I was lying. I was never good at lying to him, even though he had always been so good at lying to me.
“Okay… well… I’ll talk to you later, Bam,” he muttered, and this time I caught him in the lie. I knew this would probably be the last time we spoke for a long time.
“Yeah… you too, Ville. Good talking to you.” A simple truth, a relief not to lie to a man I had loved for so long.
“More than you know, love,” his reply came, and then without a goodbye I heard the click that signaled the end of this conversation and a connection.
I was okay again, after so long mourning a relationship that had never been whole; all it took was this little phone call, an outpouring of words. You didn’t ask me to take you back, if you really did finally love me, you would never do that to me. I guess now you love me as much I loved you.
I guess we call this closure.
A/N: I definitely don’t like this one as much as I liked my ones yesterday, but there isn’t much you can do when you’re talking about people talking on the phone, right? Let me know what you thought.
Author: war_of_ataraxis
Pairing: Vam
Rating: G
Summary: Ville calls Bam out of nowhere and finally offers an apology Bam had been waiting for for so long. Only it doesn’t have the effect it should.
Disclaimer: Don’t own, don’t sue me. Seriously.
Writing archive as love_sex_angst
Okay, this one last one shot before I finally go back to the other stories. They’re getting harder to write, and these just keep popping into my head.
This one loosely based on a conversation I had today with an old “friend.”
Sitting there, stuck in my own thoughts, I was disrupted by the ringing of my cell phone.
The caller ID was not one that I recognized, but I flipped it open anyway, ready to deal with the stupidity of a random fan.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” the voice I hadn’t heard in almost a year flowed into my ears and rendered me speechless. There was a slight pause before you continued, “I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to right now but I just wanted to call and ask how you were doing because I’ve - “
“No,” I finally choked out, and you stopped speaking.
“No what?” you questioned, and I could hear the uncertainty in your voice; as if you had done the exact thing I had been thinking of doing for so long.
“I - you’re not the last person I want to talk to right now… I’ve actually wanted to talk to you.”
I could almost hear a smile come to your voice as you regained that suave and smooth personality so many people always figured you’d have, the one I’d always known was nothing more than a front. “Ah, about anything in particular?”
“No… just wanted to see how you were doing, I guess.” A little bit of a lie, but I couldn’t find the words to phrase exactly what I had wanted to ask.
Do you regret what you did, Ville? Or do you regret me catching you?
“Well, I’ve been doing pretty good… We just recorded a new album…”
“I heard.”
I’m not deaf, you’re all over the news…
“Yeah, I figured you did… ya know, it’s coming out next week - it’s so weird not to be sending you an advance copy. Nobody was there to get drunk with me and tell me how great I was doing…”
I laughed slightly at you, even through my nervousness that still reigned even after so many rehearsals and neglected phone calls.
“Conceited much?” I questioned in a forced joking manner and I could imagine your scowl.
“You knew what I meant.”
Yeah, but really… I don’t want to.
“Yeah… but I’m sure there are hundreds of other guys out that would’ve loved to have heard it, Ville.”
There was a pause. “But it’s not the same, Bam, and you know its not.”
A pause on my end reciprocated this statement.
How true.
“I know,” I finally muttered, rubbing my tense forehead with my hand and setting my laptop that I had been typing on before the call down. I couldn’t concentrate on anything else while this was going on; my mind was hardly working as it was.
There was a sigh on the your end of the phone. “Look, Bam, I just wanted to tell you that I really miss you, man. I… I didn’t realize how much you meant to me before you left. I was so stupid… I-I’m so sorry for all the shit that I did to you…”
I nodded slightly my mouth opening in an attempt to force out a response that wouldn’t quite come, stunned by this sudden apology I had cried so much for the year before, but now just hung there.
It didn’t have the effect I would have expected.
It’s too late… but you know that, don’t you Ville?
“Yeah…” my mind finally restarted at this revelation before clicking back into my usual personality. “You didn’t realize how amazing I was,” I joked, laughing slightly, “That I was the best person you - “
“You’re joking, Bam, but you’re telling more truth than you know.”
No, I know, that’s why I said it.
I fell silent, and just stared at the wall where the giant HIM poster had just been replaced after my inability to look at it for so long. Now it was just another band, an old friend, no attachment. It meant nothing.
Our silence was shared on opposite ends of the phone over the miles and across the oceans.
There was nothing left to say.
“Well, uh, look, Ville, I gotta be going, I’m supposed to go out with the guys,” I finally muttered and looked down at the table, scratching at a mark left from who knows what.
He let out a shaky breath, and I could almost sense his nod, even though he knew I was lying. I was never good at lying to him, even though he had always been so good at lying to me.
“Okay… well… I’ll talk to you later, Bam,” he muttered, and this time I caught him in the lie. I knew this would probably be the last time we spoke for a long time.
“Yeah… you too, Ville. Good talking to you.” A simple truth, a relief not to lie to a man I had loved for so long.
“More than you know, love,” his reply came, and then without a goodbye I heard the click that signaled the end of this conversation and a connection.
I was okay again, after so long mourning a relationship that had never been whole; all it took was this little phone call, an outpouring of words. You didn’t ask me to take you back, if you really did finally love me, you would never do that to me. I guess now you love me as much I loved you.
I guess we call this closure.
A/N: I definitely don’t like this one as much as I liked my ones yesterday, but there isn’t much you can do when you’re talking about people talking on the phone, right? Let me know what you thought.