Even Your Shadow I Miss
Title: Even Your Shadow I Miss
Genre: Kinda fluffy in parts, drama
Pairing: Vamness, darlings
Rating: Currently a PG-15, I would say.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. This never happened. I own the poetry and the story.
Progress: A work in progress, not a oneshot.
A/N: I guess the title's a little weird, but I like it.
Even Your Shadow I Miss
I would like to kiss you
Instead of miss you
In the daylight and the night life
And every second of time
Bam opened his eyes and groaned into his pillow after turning to the empty spot next to him on the bed. "This sucks." he told the pillow, his voice muffled.
Ville had gone back to Finland for a few interviews and, of course, because he did live there after all. Although, Bam thought, he spends more time at my house than his own apartment. Sighing, blue-eyed boy sat up and turned on the lamp next to his bed. After two weeks of morning sex (and afternoon sex, evening sex, midnight sex, and all sex in between those times) waking alone was not in Bam's schedule.
Sighing, yet again, he walked into the bathroom and turned on the water. You know you're addicted when jacking off seems like too much work. He mused as he stripped and stepped into the warm spray of water.
Bracing one hand against the wall, he fisted the other around his annoying predicament. I hate you, Ville Valo. he thought with a strange smile on his face. Biting his lip, he worked his hand back and forth, imagining his boyfriend behind him. Imagining Ville's soft hands instead of his calloused fingers. Imagining those lips with a color reminescent of lipgloss lighting on his neck before whispering Finnish phrases he couldn't understand in his ear.
With a soft cry, Bam eruptted into his hand, slightly annoyed when his daydream had to come (no pun intended) to an end. He rinsed his hand off in the water before completing the tedious tasks of washing his hair and turning off the shower.
With a towel around his waist, he entered his room again and put on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt Ville had left on the dresser. Cigarettes, beer, strawberry shampoo, and a cologne Bam could never remember the name of. A scent permanently burned into his mind. A smudge of eyeliner on the collar. Bam could tell despite the fact that the shirt was black, as was 95% of Ville's wardrobe.
Bam's cell phone rang and he opened it as quickly as possible to shut off the "Killing Lonliness" ringtone which reminded him too much of the man who wasn't there. Of course the fucking heartagrams everywhere aren't helping.
"Hell-fucking-o." he said, running a hand through his wet hair.
"Hell-fucking-o right back." a Finnish accent said in Bam's ear.
"Ville!" Bam couldn't help but sound like a teenage girl as he practically shrieked into the receiver of the phone. "I miss you."
"Sounds like it. What time is there?"
"Nine in the morning."
"You're up early."
"Went to bed early."
"No parties?"
Bam stuck his bottom lip out even though he knew Ville couldn't see the action. "I missed you too much to party."
"I missed you too much not to party." Ville said. "But the alcohol wasn't working so I quit."
"The alcohol wasn't working? Are you sure this is Ville Valo?" Bam teased.
"Shut the hell up."
"When are you coming home?" Bam froze momentarily. "Back, I mean. When are you coming back?"
There was a pause on the other end of the line and Bam winced, wondering exactly what his boyfriend was thinking. "In a few days." the other man finally said. "Hopefully Friday."
Both men were silent for awhile. An awkward silence, which was a rarity for them. Both the silence and the awkwardness.
"Sorry." Bam said finally. "I just . . . I didn't mean that."
"Yes, you did." Ville said.
Bam couldn't place the emotion in his voice.
"I'm not angry, love. I spend more time there than I do here. I know that." There was a hesitance in Ville's voice when he spoke again. "I . . . I told Linde I was going . . . going "home" as soon as I could."
Bam smiled. "You did?"
"It feels like home," the other man said softly, "because you're there. You feel like home, Bammie."
"I love you, Ville."
"I love you, too, Bammie."
"I want you to come back!" Bam said impatiently, stamping his foot. "I had to jack myself off this morning because you weren't here."
"Poor baby." Ville said, chuckling. "Think of how I feel. You suck me off at least twice a day and there's no way in hell I can even attempt that."
"Well, if you were here . . ."
"You know I want to be there as much as you want me there, love, but I've been away from here for ages."
"I could come out there." Bam offered, knowing Ville's response before he spoke.
"I wouldn't get a damn thing done if I knew you were waiting in the apartment for me." Ville said. "It'd be as bad as L.A. in September."
Bam laughed, remembering all the photo shoots were Ville had been chainsmoking more than usual and trying to get the photographers to go "faster, faster. I can't believe they pay you to go this slow." In between the interviews they hid in locked closets and the back of Bam's car, getting in anything they could during the ten and fifteen minute breaks.
"But I miss you!"
"I know you have just as much work as I do." Ville said.
"But you're not here to nag me." Bam said. "I can't get anything done without your annoying Finnish cursing."
"I'll leave you a voicemail." Ville said. "And you can play it on repeat."
"I'll be too busy jacking off to get anything done." Bam replied, laughing as he pictured the look on Ville's face. The 'you-ridiculously-immature-bitch-why-did-I-fall-for-a-younger-man' look.
A knock sounded on Bam's locked door. "I have to go." he said into the phone, annoyed. "Someone's banging on the door."
There was a pause. "We need to tell them when I get back."
Bam bit his lip. "I know." he said. "And I'm so looking forward to it."
"I love you." Ville said.
"'Love you, too."
"Talk to you later, love."
"Bye, Ville."
"Bye, Bammie."
Sighing, Bam snapped his cell phone shut and went to the door, unlocking it and opening it. "What?" he asked his mother irritably.
April rolled her eyes. "You have to be in New York in thirty minutes." she said.
Bam groaned again. "Skeida." he muttered under his breath. His fluency in Finnish was limited to a few curses and a few sexual phrases. "Okay, okay. I'm going."
He went to his closet and pulled out a jacket, which he threw on over Ville's shirt. He slipped into a worn pair of shoes and grabbed a hat off the dresser, along with his car keys and his cell phone.
* * *
Bam managed to forget how much he missed Ville for parts of the two-hour meeting. After signing a new contract, he went straight to nearest record store and picked up a copy of "Dark Light", cursing at himself for leaving his CD case in the Lambo.
He went straight to the garage as soon as he got home and started an ATV, wrecking everything he could on eight of the fourteen acres before going into the house and grabbing one of his skateboards and spending another two hours outside.
"Missing him already?" Ryan said when Bam came back into the house, his tee shirt nearly soaked through in sweat.
"What?" he asked, not in alarm, but because he actually hadn't heard what his friend had said.
"Ville. You missing him already?"
"He'll be back soon." Bam said, trying to sound as if he weren't mentally counting the minutes in his head until the green-eyed man returned from Finland.
Ryan shook his head and rolled his eyes. The two were oblivious to the fact that everyone in the house and Ville's bandmates knew exactly what was going on between them. Two men don't generally sleep in a locked bedroom, share hotel rooms, disappear for a couple hours together, stare at each other and look away as soon as someone notices without something going on between them.
He opened his mouth to say something, but Bam had already disappeared up the stairs to take a shower.
* * *
Bam called Ville's cell phone at three and cursed when his boyfriend's voicemail answered. "Hey, Ville. It's Bam. Call me when you get this. Don't worry about the time difference. 'Love you. Bye."
He tossed his cell phone onto the bed, next to Ville's shirt and stopped. Stopped breathing, stopped moving.
On the faded black fabric of the cotton shirt was a lipstick print.
Bam was on the next flight to Hellsinki.
I feel your kiss burn
Does she feel it, too?
My heart breaks,
My life breaks for you.
---TBC---
Don't ask me where it's going, because I don't really know. Well, I kinda do.
And the Finnish curse word Bam used was either "shit" or "fuck". I can't remember. I found it online. :)
Reviews?
Genre: Kinda fluffy in parts, drama
Pairing: Vamness, darlings
Rating: Currently a PG-15, I would say.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. This never happened. I own the poetry and the story.
Progress: A work in progress, not a oneshot.
A/N: I guess the title's a little weird, but I like it.
Even Your Shadow I Miss
I would like to kiss you
Instead of miss you
In the daylight and the night life
And every second of time
Bam opened his eyes and groaned into his pillow after turning to the empty spot next to him on the bed. "This sucks." he told the pillow, his voice muffled.
Ville had gone back to Finland for a few interviews and, of course, because he did live there after all. Although, Bam thought, he spends more time at my house than his own apartment. Sighing, blue-eyed boy sat up and turned on the lamp next to his bed. After two weeks of morning sex (and afternoon sex, evening sex, midnight sex, and all sex in between those times) waking alone was not in Bam's schedule.
Sighing, yet again, he walked into the bathroom and turned on the water. You know you're addicted when jacking off seems like too much work. He mused as he stripped and stepped into the warm spray of water.
Bracing one hand against the wall, he fisted the other around his annoying predicament. I hate you, Ville Valo. he thought with a strange smile on his face. Biting his lip, he worked his hand back and forth, imagining his boyfriend behind him. Imagining Ville's soft hands instead of his calloused fingers. Imagining those lips with a color reminescent of lipgloss lighting on his neck before whispering Finnish phrases he couldn't understand in his ear.
With a soft cry, Bam eruptted into his hand, slightly annoyed when his daydream had to come (no pun intended) to an end. He rinsed his hand off in the water before completing the tedious tasks of washing his hair and turning off the shower.
With a towel around his waist, he entered his room again and put on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt Ville had left on the dresser. Cigarettes, beer, strawberry shampoo, and a cologne Bam could never remember the name of. A scent permanently burned into his mind. A smudge of eyeliner on the collar. Bam could tell despite the fact that the shirt was black, as was 95% of Ville's wardrobe.
Bam's cell phone rang and he opened it as quickly as possible to shut off the "Killing Lonliness" ringtone which reminded him too much of the man who wasn't there. Of course the fucking heartagrams everywhere aren't helping.
"Hell-fucking-o." he said, running a hand through his wet hair.
"Hell-fucking-o right back." a Finnish accent said in Bam's ear.
"Ville!" Bam couldn't help but sound like a teenage girl as he practically shrieked into the receiver of the phone. "I miss you."
"Sounds like it. What time is there?"
"Nine in the morning."
"You're up early."
"Went to bed early."
"No parties?"
Bam stuck his bottom lip out even though he knew Ville couldn't see the action. "I missed you too much to party."
"I missed you too much not to party." Ville said. "But the alcohol wasn't working so I quit."
"The alcohol wasn't working? Are you sure this is Ville Valo?" Bam teased.
"Shut the hell up."
"When are you coming home?" Bam froze momentarily. "Back, I mean. When are you coming back?"
There was a pause on the other end of the line and Bam winced, wondering exactly what his boyfriend was thinking. "In a few days." the other man finally said. "Hopefully Friday."
Both men were silent for awhile. An awkward silence, which was a rarity for them. Both the silence and the awkwardness.
"Sorry." Bam said finally. "I just . . . I didn't mean that."
"Yes, you did." Ville said.
Bam couldn't place the emotion in his voice.
"I'm not angry, love. I spend more time there than I do here. I know that." There was a hesitance in Ville's voice when he spoke again. "I . . . I told Linde I was going . . . going "home" as soon as I could."
Bam smiled. "You did?"
"It feels like home," the other man said softly, "because you're there. You feel like home, Bammie."
"I love you, Ville."
"I love you, too, Bammie."
"I want you to come back!" Bam said impatiently, stamping his foot. "I had to jack myself off this morning because you weren't here."
"Poor baby." Ville said, chuckling. "Think of how I feel. You suck me off at least twice a day and there's no way in hell I can even attempt that."
"Well, if you were here . . ."
"You know I want to be there as much as you want me there, love, but I've been away from here for ages."
"I could come out there." Bam offered, knowing Ville's response before he spoke.
"I wouldn't get a damn thing done if I knew you were waiting in the apartment for me." Ville said. "It'd be as bad as L.A. in September."
Bam laughed, remembering all the photo shoots were Ville had been chainsmoking more than usual and trying to get the photographers to go "faster, faster. I can't believe they pay you to go this slow." In between the interviews they hid in locked closets and the back of Bam's car, getting in anything they could during the ten and fifteen minute breaks.
"But I miss you!"
"I know you have just as much work as I do." Ville said.
"But you're not here to nag me." Bam said. "I can't get anything done without your annoying Finnish cursing."
"I'll leave you a voicemail." Ville said. "And you can play it on repeat."
"I'll be too busy jacking off to get anything done." Bam replied, laughing as he pictured the look on Ville's face. The 'you-ridiculously-immature-bitch-why-did-I-fall-for-a-younger-man' look.
A knock sounded on Bam's locked door. "I have to go." he said into the phone, annoyed. "Someone's banging on the door."
There was a pause. "We need to tell them when I get back."
Bam bit his lip. "I know." he said. "And I'm so looking forward to it."
"I love you." Ville said.
"'Love you, too."
"Talk to you later, love."
"Bye, Ville."
"Bye, Bammie."
Sighing, Bam snapped his cell phone shut and went to the door, unlocking it and opening it. "What?" he asked his mother irritably.
April rolled her eyes. "You have to be in New York in thirty minutes." she said.
Bam groaned again. "Skeida." he muttered under his breath. His fluency in Finnish was limited to a few curses and a few sexual phrases. "Okay, okay. I'm going."
He went to his closet and pulled out a jacket, which he threw on over Ville's shirt. He slipped into a worn pair of shoes and grabbed a hat off the dresser, along with his car keys and his cell phone.
* * *
Bam managed to forget how much he missed Ville for parts of the two-hour meeting. After signing a new contract, he went straight to nearest record store and picked up a copy of "Dark Light", cursing at himself for leaving his CD case in the Lambo.
He went straight to the garage as soon as he got home and started an ATV, wrecking everything he could on eight of the fourteen acres before going into the house and grabbing one of his skateboards and spending another two hours outside.
"Missing him already?" Ryan said when Bam came back into the house, his tee shirt nearly soaked through in sweat.
"What?" he asked, not in alarm, but because he actually hadn't heard what his friend had said.
"Ville. You missing him already?"
"He'll be back soon." Bam said, trying to sound as if he weren't mentally counting the minutes in his head until the green-eyed man returned from Finland.
Ryan shook his head and rolled his eyes. The two were oblivious to the fact that everyone in the house and Ville's bandmates knew exactly what was going on between them. Two men don't generally sleep in a locked bedroom, share hotel rooms, disappear for a couple hours together, stare at each other and look away as soon as someone notices without something going on between them.
He opened his mouth to say something, but Bam had already disappeared up the stairs to take a shower.
* * *
Bam called Ville's cell phone at three and cursed when his boyfriend's voicemail answered. "Hey, Ville. It's Bam. Call me when you get this. Don't worry about the time difference. 'Love you. Bye."
He tossed his cell phone onto the bed, next to Ville's shirt and stopped. Stopped breathing, stopped moving.
On the faded black fabric of the cotton shirt was a lipstick print.
Bam was on the next flight to Hellsinki.
I feel your kiss burn
Does she feel it, too?
My heart breaks,
My life breaks for you.
---TBC---
Don't ask me where it's going, because I don't really know. Well, I kinda do.
And the Finnish curse word Bam used was either "shit" or "fuck". I can't remember. I found it online. :)
Reviews?