vagueangel
in
__vam
Just Another Kid
Summary- Bam's known for a while that Ville has a little.. problem. But what happens when it starts getting out of control?
Rating- Mostly PG-13, but since it's me, there are NC-17 bits thrown in.
Caution- This is a bloody long story.
Right then... onward.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Bam was at his side in an instant, gently taking the pastel away, pulling him close. “It’s okay, angel. I got you. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Did I draw that? I was just down smoking…” Ville’s green eyes clouded with tears. “I was smoking and then.. I was sitting here.” He looked at Bam, obviously terrified. “Were we drinking Bammie? I blacked out right? Like last week…”
“No, baby. It wasn’t a blackout.” Bam felt tears prick his own eyes. “I-I need to tell you some things, okay? Let’s go lay down.” He stood and pulled Ville up, feeling his thin frame wracked with shivers. Closing and locking his door, Bam took a deep breath before turning to look at Ville.
Sitting in the middle of the big bed, knees drawn to his chest and chin resting atop them, Ville’s eyes were squeezed shut. “What the hell is wrong with me, Bam? I keep doing this, losing little pieces of time… And you keep asking me about things I don’t remember, and-“
Cutting him off with a soft kiss, Bam wrapped his arms around Ville, laying them both down. He wrapped one leg around him as well, drawing him as close as possible. “Has anything like this ever happened before?” His voice was soft, and he gently threaded his fingers through Ville’s hair.
“I- Once, I think, before the first tour. I kept missing pieces of things, and the boys were acting really weird. Maybe once or twice in school…” Ville’s deep honey voice was cracking under the strain of fighting tears. “Mige always said I must have been having blackouts, but… I don’t think he was telling me everything.”
Bam pulled him in for another soft kiss, trying to reassure him with his lips, with his fingers moving gently over the thin back. “I’m gonna tell you everything, Ville. And just remember how much I love you, okay?”
“Oh, god, is it that bad?”
“I love you and we’ll figure it out together.”
Completely terrified, Ville just nodded, trying to control his quivering chin and lower lip. “I love you, too,” his whispered shakily. “Bammie, I don’t know if I can hear this. What about the tour? What about... everything.”
Starting to talk softly, Bam told Ville about the first night they slept together, about the morning after. Even when Ville tensed and begged him to stop teasing, he continued relentlessly, his voice at a near monotone, reliving each moment.
Bam heard the frantic pounding, frowning a bit as he headed toward the sound. He made his way towards the door to the deck, his heart in his throat as his eyes adjusted.
Ville stood, pounding on the door, tears streaming down his pale cheeks, eyes wide and rolling in fear. He collapsed into Bam the second the door was open, hysterical, gasping for air.
“Ssh, baby, ssh, it’s okay.” Bam hugged Ville tight, rubbing his back. “You’re okay, angel. What happened?”
“I couldn’t open the door, it wouldn’t open and it’s so dark out, Bammie. And I was so scared, cause I couldn’t get in and what if there was something out there? What if there was something that could get me and you weren’t here, and-“
Listening to him ramble brokenly about being alone in the dark with whatever things might be out there, Bam had pulled Ville’s inhaler from his pocket, slipping it between tremble lips and pressing down. Ville’s breathing had been easier after the medicine, but he kept crying and shaking.
He had woken up twice with nightmares, still in his regressive state. It had taken the entire night before Ville finally went to sleep and woke up himself again.
There had been a skate demo; Ville hadn’t felt like going and Bam was only gone for a day and a half. He had returned to a sobbing Ville.
“You left me, Bammie. You left me and what if you didn’t come back?” Ville had clung tightly to Bam, burying his face in his neck.
Bam sighed and held Ville close, whispering softly. “I always come back. I won’t ever leave you. Okay? It’s okay, I’m back now. I’m here.”
After twenty more minutes of reassurances, Ville calmed down and had soon snapped out of it.
Ville was tense and utterly still in Bam’s arms after nearly six episodes in the past year. And that was only when he had been with Bam. “Fuck. Fuck, Bam, what am I going to do?”
Feeling his heart break, Bam held Ville as tight as he could. “I been reading up on some of this shit. Hypnotherapy sometimes works. Sometimes people can figure out the trigger on their own…” He kissed the deathly pale cheek pressed to his.
“Sometimes? So I could do this forever?”
“I dunno, Vil.”
Pulling away, Ville sat up and pressed his hands to his eyes. “I need to go. I need to get out of here,” he babbled, beginning to throw things into his suitcase. “I need to- to get away.”
“From what?”
“From you! Jesus, Bam, how can you still love me when I’m so fucked up?” The tears finally started, and Ville didn’t bother to wipe them away. “I need to leave before you-“ He cut off, taking a deep, hitching breath.
“Before I what, baby?” Bam moved closer, trying to keep the hurt off his face as his touch was shrugged off. “Relax, Ville. You’re gonna give yourself an asthma attack.”
Ville laughed a little hysterically. “Relax? You’re going to tell me we can’t be together anymore, because you can’t love someone as messed up as I am, and you want me to relax? You’ll start hating me, hating having to take care of me like that. So how can I relax?” He started wheezing, his slim shoulders shaking. The familiar feeling of drowning in clear air overtook him and he gasped softly.
With more calm then he felt, Bam, took Ville’s inhaler and slid it between his lips, depressing the trigger twice. He ignored the protests and wrapped his arms around Ville tightly. “That’s just stupid. I fucking love you, shit for brains, and nothing, nothing will ever change that.”
Seeing only truth in the brilliant blue eyes pinning him down, Ville just whimpered softly. “Bammie, I’m so scared.”
“I know, Ville…” Bam held him tight again. “We’ll get through this. I swear it to you.” He sighed softly, gently rocking his boyfriend back and forth. “I’ll call a doctor tomorrow, the best one I can find. And we’ll figure something out. Okay?”
“But what if-“
“No what-if’s, babe. You gotta trust me.”
Looking into his eyes again, Ville drew a shaky breath and nodded. “You know I do.” He bit his lip, dropping his gaze. “I’m tired. I want to sleep and.. I just want to sleep.” His voice dropped so that Bam could hardly hear him “Hold me?”
Bam smiled and stood, gently maneuvering Ville onto the bed. “Forever.” He gently stripped Ville till he was only in boxers, then undressed himself quickly. Shutting off the light, Bam drew him close, rubbing his back, petting his hair. “We’ll figure this all out. You sleep now, babydoll.”
Ville passed out quickly, from sheer mental exhaustion. He slept fitfully, tossing and turning, pushing Bam away, then reaching out for him again. Finally, fitted snugly against the length of his boyfriend’s body, he found peace and dropped into a deep sleep.
Watching Ville sleep, Bam gently brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. He held him close, feeling his deep, even breaths, the steady beat of his heart pressed to Bam’s own chest. Pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.
When he woke, Ville immediately felt his chest constrict and his eyes water. He desperately wanted to believe last night had been a bad dream. Hesitant to wake the other man, he kept his voice soft. “Bammie?”
Awake in a heartbeat, Bam leaned forward and caught Ville’s trembling lips with his own.
“Tell me it was a nightmare…”
“Oh, honey…” Blessedly unaware of how exactly he sounded like his mother in that moment, Bam hugged Ville tight. “Let’s go have a smoke, and get some breakfast in you. Then I’ll find a doctor, okay?”
“I can’t eat anything.” Ville controlled his tears, barely, snuggling further into Bam’s warmth. “I can’t do this, Bammie. I leave in two weeks to go on tour, I can’t be like this. I just can’t.”
Bam just rubbed his back soothingly, tracing idle patterns on the bare skin beneath his fingers. “You gotta eat something. You’re too fuckin skinny.” He hesitated just a bit. “Maybe you should think of postponing the tour. Just till we get this figured out.”
Shaking his head emphatically, Ville laced his fingers at the back of Bam’s neck. “No. No way. Half the shows are sold out already. I just can’t do that to the fans-“
“Your fans adore you. If you say it’s for health reasons, you know they won’t care.” Bam chuckled just a bit. “Your fans show some scary love, Vil. You know that.” He felt the stubborn headshake and sighed. “At least let the guys know what’s going on.”
Looking like Bam had just suggested he tell the guys he was currently fucking each of their mothers, Ville just stared wide-eyed. “No! No one can know about this.”
“They already know, baby. At least tell Mige?”
Ville sighed, shutting his eyes. “Maybe. When I know a little more, maybe I’ll tell Mizee.” He shivered slightly, feeling like he was being crushed under the weight of the situation. “Before we do anything…”
Heart clenching at the hesitant, vulnerable look he received, Bam wished for a magic wand. Not for the first time, he wished he could just magically make everything all better. “What do you need, Willa? Anything. Name it, and it’s as good as done.”
“Make love with me, Bammie. Make me forget all of this for a little while.” Ville opened his eyes, aware of his pleading look. “Please? Make me know you’ll always love me.”
Unable to resist the soft, moist eyes, the pouty red lips, Bam leaned forward and kissed Ville softly. He leaned over him, pressing him into the pillows. His hands ran all over the thin body beneath him, touching every well loved curve and angle, each bit of soft flesh and each sharp plane.
Kissing back desperately, Ville clutched at Bam, almost hating himself for the needy way his fingers dug into warm flesh. He made short work of both their boxers, flinging them carelessly across the room. “Please, Bam. I need you. I- I need.”
Without another word, Bam prepared them both quickly, pausing only to look down into brilliant jade eyes. “Listen to me right now. I love you so much, and I’m not gonna stop just cause we hit a rough patch. Got it?”
Nodding breathlessly, Ville felt tears well in his eyes again. He leaned up for another sweet kiss. “If you love me, then.. love me.”
Rating- Mostly PG-13, but since it's me, there are NC-17 bits thrown in.
Caution- This is a bloody long story.
Right then... onward.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Bam was at his side in an instant, gently taking the pastel away, pulling him close. “It’s okay, angel. I got you. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Did I draw that? I was just down smoking…” Ville’s green eyes clouded with tears. “I was smoking and then.. I was sitting here.” He looked at Bam, obviously terrified. “Were we drinking Bammie? I blacked out right? Like last week…”
“No, baby. It wasn’t a blackout.” Bam felt tears prick his own eyes. “I-I need to tell you some things, okay? Let’s go lay down.” He stood and pulled Ville up, feeling his thin frame wracked with shivers. Closing and locking his door, Bam took a deep breath before turning to look at Ville.
Sitting in the middle of the big bed, knees drawn to his chest and chin resting atop them, Ville’s eyes were squeezed shut. “What the hell is wrong with me, Bam? I keep doing this, losing little pieces of time… And you keep asking me about things I don’t remember, and-“
Cutting him off with a soft kiss, Bam wrapped his arms around Ville, laying them both down. He wrapped one leg around him as well, drawing him as close as possible. “Has anything like this ever happened before?” His voice was soft, and he gently threaded his fingers through Ville’s hair.
“I- Once, I think, before the first tour. I kept missing pieces of things, and the boys were acting really weird. Maybe once or twice in school…” Ville’s deep honey voice was cracking under the strain of fighting tears. “Mige always said I must have been having blackouts, but… I don’t think he was telling me everything.”
Bam pulled him in for another soft kiss, trying to reassure him with his lips, with his fingers moving gently over the thin back. “I’m gonna tell you everything, Ville. And just remember how much I love you, okay?”
“Oh, god, is it that bad?”
“I love you and we’ll figure it out together.”
Completely terrified, Ville just nodded, trying to control his quivering chin and lower lip. “I love you, too,” his whispered shakily. “Bammie, I don’t know if I can hear this. What about the tour? What about... everything.”
Starting to talk softly, Bam told Ville about the first night they slept together, about the morning after. Even when Ville tensed and begged him to stop teasing, he continued relentlessly, his voice at a near monotone, reliving each moment.
Bam heard the frantic pounding, frowning a bit as he headed toward the sound. He made his way towards the door to the deck, his heart in his throat as his eyes adjusted.
Ville stood, pounding on the door, tears streaming down his pale cheeks, eyes wide and rolling in fear. He collapsed into Bam the second the door was open, hysterical, gasping for air.
“Ssh, baby, ssh, it’s okay.” Bam hugged Ville tight, rubbing his back. “You’re okay, angel. What happened?”
“I couldn’t open the door, it wouldn’t open and it’s so dark out, Bammie. And I was so scared, cause I couldn’t get in and what if there was something out there? What if there was something that could get me and you weren’t here, and-“
Listening to him ramble brokenly about being alone in the dark with whatever things might be out there, Bam had pulled Ville’s inhaler from his pocket, slipping it between tremble lips and pressing down. Ville’s breathing had been easier after the medicine, but he kept crying and shaking.
He had woken up twice with nightmares, still in his regressive state. It had taken the entire night before Ville finally went to sleep and woke up himself again.
There had been a skate demo; Ville hadn’t felt like going and Bam was only gone for a day and a half. He had returned to a sobbing Ville.
“You left me, Bammie. You left me and what if you didn’t come back?” Ville had clung tightly to Bam, burying his face in his neck.
Bam sighed and held Ville close, whispering softly. “I always come back. I won’t ever leave you. Okay? It’s okay, I’m back now. I’m here.”
After twenty more minutes of reassurances, Ville calmed down and had soon snapped out of it.
Ville was tense and utterly still in Bam’s arms after nearly six episodes in the past year. And that was only when he had been with Bam. “Fuck. Fuck, Bam, what am I going to do?”
Feeling his heart break, Bam held Ville as tight as he could. “I been reading up on some of this shit. Hypnotherapy sometimes works. Sometimes people can figure out the trigger on their own…” He kissed the deathly pale cheek pressed to his.
“Sometimes? So I could do this forever?”
“I dunno, Vil.”
Pulling away, Ville sat up and pressed his hands to his eyes. “I need to go. I need to get out of here,” he babbled, beginning to throw things into his suitcase. “I need to- to get away.”
“From what?”
“From you! Jesus, Bam, how can you still love me when I’m so fucked up?” The tears finally started, and Ville didn’t bother to wipe them away. “I need to leave before you-“ He cut off, taking a deep, hitching breath.
“Before I what, baby?” Bam moved closer, trying to keep the hurt off his face as his touch was shrugged off. “Relax, Ville. You’re gonna give yourself an asthma attack.”
Ville laughed a little hysterically. “Relax? You’re going to tell me we can’t be together anymore, because you can’t love someone as messed up as I am, and you want me to relax? You’ll start hating me, hating having to take care of me like that. So how can I relax?” He started wheezing, his slim shoulders shaking. The familiar feeling of drowning in clear air overtook him and he gasped softly.
With more calm then he felt, Bam, took Ville’s inhaler and slid it between his lips, depressing the trigger twice. He ignored the protests and wrapped his arms around Ville tightly. “That’s just stupid. I fucking love you, shit for brains, and nothing, nothing will ever change that.”
Seeing only truth in the brilliant blue eyes pinning him down, Ville just whimpered softly. “Bammie, I’m so scared.”
“I know, Ville…” Bam held him tight again. “We’ll get through this. I swear it to you.” He sighed softly, gently rocking his boyfriend back and forth. “I’ll call a doctor tomorrow, the best one I can find. And we’ll figure something out. Okay?”
“But what if-“
“No what-if’s, babe. You gotta trust me.”
Looking into his eyes again, Ville drew a shaky breath and nodded. “You know I do.” He bit his lip, dropping his gaze. “I’m tired. I want to sleep and.. I just want to sleep.” His voice dropped so that Bam could hardly hear him “Hold me?”
Bam smiled and stood, gently maneuvering Ville onto the bed. “Forever.” He gently stripped Ville till he was only in boxers, then undressed himself quickly. Shutting off the light, Bam drew him close, rubbing his back, petting his hair. “We’ll figure this all out. You sleep now, babydoll.”
Ville passed out quickly, from sheer mental exhaustion. He slept fitfully, tossing and turning, pushing Bam away, then reaching out for him again. Finally, fitted snugly against the length of his boyfriend’s body, he found peace and dropped into a deep sleep.
Watching Ville sleep, Bam gently brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. He held him close, feeling his deep, even breaths, the steady beat of his heart pressed to Bam’s own chest. Pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep.
When he woke, Ville immediately felt his chest constrict and his eyes water. He desperately wanted to believe last night had been a bad dream. Hesitant to wake the other man, he kept his voice soft. “Bammie?”
Awake in a heartbeat, Bam leaned forward and caught Ville’s trembling lips with his own.
“Tell me it was a nightmare…”
“Oh, honey…” Blessedly unaware of how exactly he sounded like his mother in that moment, Bam hugged Ville tight. “Let’s go have a smoke, and get some breakfast in you. Then I’ll find a doctor, okay?”
“I can’t eat anything.” Ville controlled his tears, barely, snuggling further into Bam’s warmth. “I can’t do this, Bammie. I leave in two weeks to go on tour, I can’t be like this. I just can’t.”
Bam just rubbed his back soothingly, tracing idle patterns on the bare skin beneath his fingers. “You gotta eat something. You’re too fuckin skinny.” He hesitated just a bit. “Maybe you should think of postponing the tour. Just till we get this figured out.”
Shaking his head emphatically, Ville laced his fingers at the back of Bam’s neck. “No. No way. Half the shows are sold out already. I just can’t do that to the fans-“
“Your fans adore you. If you say it’s for health reasons, you know they won’t care.” Bam chuckled just a bit. “Your fans show some scary love, Vil. You know that.” He felt the stubborn headshake and sighed. “At least let the guys know what’s going on.”
Looking like Bam had just suggested he tell the guys he was currently fucking each of their mothers, Ville just stared wide-eyed. “No! No one can know about this.”
“They already know, baby. At least tell Mige?”
Ville sighed, shutting his eyes. “Maybe. When I know a little more, maybe I’ll tell Mizee.” He shivered slightly, feeling like he was being crushed under the weight of the situation. “Before we do anything…”
Heart clenching at the hesitant, vulnerable look he received, Bam wished for a magic wand. Not for the first time, he wished he could just magically make everything all better. “What do you need, Willa? Anything. Name it, and it’s as good as done.”
“Make love with me, Bammie. Make me forget all of this for a little while.” Ville opened his eyes, aware of his pleading look. “Please? Make me know you’ll always love me.”
Unable to resist the soft, moist eyes, the pouty red lips, Bam leaned forward and kissed Ville softly. He leaned over him, pressing him into the pillows. His hands ran all over the thin body beneath him, touching every well loved curve and angle, each bit of soft flesh and each sharp plane.
Kissing back desperately, Ville clutched at Bam, almost hating himself for the needy way his fingers dug into warm flesh. He made short work of both their boxers, flinging them carelessly across the room. “Please, Bam. I need you. I- I need.”
Without another word, Bam prepared them both quickly, pausing only to look down into brilliant jade eyes. “Listen to me right now. I love you so much, and I’m not gonna stop just cause we hit a rough patch. Got it?”
Nodding breathlessly, Ville felt tears well in his eyes again. He leaned up for another sweet kiss. “If you love me, then.. love me.”