You've might have witnessed idiocy...
oh my god...it's three thirty in the morning and i am RETARDED...anyway, long story short, i have to repost this crap cuz i just hit "update journal" without making it go to __Vam...alright, i'm obiously tired so i'm gonna make this quick...i haven't posted in almost two weeks...but i'm posting now, and i'm posting that mpreg that i told everyone i was writing...i hope you all like it...i'm about to go to sleep now...sweet dreams sweethearts...
Emily
Title: Midnight Tears
Author: Yours Truly... :)
Rating: umm, PG right now...will turn to NC-17
Warnings: major angst, major language...yanno...all that jazz...this is an mpreg peeps...
Disclaimer: I know/own nobody...unfortunately...
Summary: Why is Ville all of the sudden pushing Bam away? What's he got to hide? And how will the skater deal with it?
A/N: not my first mpreg...but it's the first one i've ever posted for the public eye...please be honest and tell me if it's good or if it's complete shit...much love in advance, sweethearts...
CHAPTER 1
I don’t understand why he left me so abruptly. Everything had been perfect, everything. There was no reason for him to leave let alone the way he did. I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t. Well, to my knowledge I didn’t. And if I did something wrong, he won’t tell me, he won’t let me even ask him. He’s cut off all contact between the two of us. I mean, seriously, if I’d done something that wrong, he could have at least given me a reason and told me to fuck off, not give me this bullshit. The rest of the band is pretty tight lipped. They just tell me he needs some time away from me. Well, no fucking shit.
I guess, after months of being blatantly ignored and avoided, the heartbreak has really left no room inside me for anything else. I take that back - there is one other thing that frequently shows up in me: anger, fury, rage. I don’t deserve to be treated like this after everything I’ve done for his band, for him. I’m at no fault and I know it. If he wants to be a cold hearted dickface, then he could be my guest. He doesn’t want to talk to me? He doesn’t want to return my emails? Well, fabulous. I don’t want to have anything to fucking do with him either.
That’s what I told myself.
It’s at night that I find the burn of fury fizzle away. I find myself crying in the dark of my room, crying like I hadn’t done since I was a tiny child. I have no idea if anyone hears me, and I really don’t care whether or not they do. I can’t help myself from weeping. In my sad attempt to act normal around everyone else, his face haunts me from every angle, his voice haunts me from every stereo. There is no getting away from him, and it hurts so fucking bad. It feels like I have a red hot weight burning a whole through my soul while at the same time pulling me down lower and lower. A bit dramatic yes, but it’s nothing less than the truth. It’s at night when I have nothing to distract me that the pain bursts forth.
I spend my days skating like a fucking madman. I swear, I think I am going mad. I haven’t skated like this since I was eighteen. And that would probably be around the same time I was figuring out I was bi. Yeah, skating was an awesome distraction. Always seemed to take my mind off of whatever was bothering me. I mean, if you didn’t focus when you were skating, you were liable to break your fucking neck. Well, that was the logical reason anyway.
There was no logic behind drinking except that it did one of two things: took your mind off reality or shoved it directly in your face. I drank much more than I ever had nowadays. If I wasn’t skating, there was a beer or alcoholic beverage in my hand. I got drunk so bad some nights that I actually blacked out. Not a pleasant thing. It was fucking scary if you ask me. But some nights, the pain is just too much.
Some nights like tonight. I’d just spent the entire day fighting with Jenn. She was pissed off at me for reasons I don’t even remember. I probably wasn’t really listening when she was bitching at me. But I was yelling at her too, a bit much I might add. She’d gotten me started and it had just taken off. I’d been venting a lot of my built up anger and she just happened to be the most convenient and worthy target. Needless to say, she was not spending the night at Castle Bam. Where was she? I didn’t know, and I didn’t really care. I’d fallen out of love with her a long time ago.
The thing I did care about was what DiCo had just informed me of: HIM had done a show in Philly and nobody had even bothered to tell me about it let alone invite me. It was a like someone had stabbed me with a blunt knife, piercing my thick armor or pride and anger and reaching strait to my heart. I’d somehow gotten bottles and bottles of vodka and whiskey. Jesus fucking Christ, who was stupid enough to do that? I was out of it before it was even midnight.
“Bam, get the fuck up already!”
That’s what I finally woke up to the next day. Dunn screaming at me. I couldn’t have been more annoyed. I rolled over in bed, the blaring red light of my clock nearly blinding me. It was 5:30 in the evening. Ah well, whatever. Groaning, I got up and, seeing that I had somehow lost my pants last night, slipped on a pair of jeans. I quickly made my way to a bathroom where I let loose a river of piss. Damn, I really had drunken all the liquor in the house last night. Making my way down stairs, I was a little bit grossed out by the smell of food. It might have been my hangover, which was still going strong, but I had a big hunch that that was only a little bit of it. Ever since he’d done his little disappearing act, I hadn’t had much of an appetite.
“G’morning, Bam.” Ape greeted me as I sat down at a chair in the Pirate Bar where she was cooking. “Nice to finally see you grace the land of the living.”
“Hn.” I moaned in response.
“Want something to eat?”
“Nuh-uh.”
I could see the look of worry on her face before she tried to cover it up in vain. I couldn’t stand to see that look. It made me angry to see others worry because of me. I didn’t want them to be concerned on my account. I just wanted them to stay the same as if nothing were different. I needed that. It was like an anchor for my sanity.
“Hey, look who rose from the dead!” Dunn chirped up as he took a seat next to me.
“Hey.” I replied simply.
“You feelin’ alright?”
Yeah, I felt like a million fucking bucks. “Just peachy.”
“Good, ‘cause you’re comin’ with me to Munich. There’s a skate competition there in a week and we’re leaving tomorrow morning.”
“What?” I said shocked, my barely awoke and hung-over mind not completely comprehending what he’d just said.
“You heard me. Munich, you, me and the crew, skate competition, going to be there.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Nope! Better get your shit packed tonight ‘cause our flight leaves at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow.”
“You fucking suck dick, you know that?” I said, grumpy as fuck.
Dunn laughed as he began walking back up the stairs. “You’re welcome, Bam”
What a fucking cunt. Well, whatever. There was no reason to waste money on plane tickets. Besides, if they’d signed me up for a competition and I didn’t show up, it’d look bad for both me and Element.
Sometimes I really want to suffocate Ryan Dunn.
Looked like I was on my way to Europe.
Fucking joy.
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Comments = Soul Food
Author = Starving College Student
Question: Does anyone have any Daniel Lioneye mp3s they can send me? Or can someone link me to somewhere i can hear some of the music? thanks and much love in advance my lovelies...