the only show
by great_whatsit
Benji remembered the moment he met Rémy. It was Benji's first day at Montpellier and he wasn't even 15 yet, nothing but a thatch of shaggy hair over a lean body full of determination, uncertainty and hope, hope that was tenacious enough (sometimes) to quiet the uncertainty. He heard Rémy before he saw him, heard the insistent snapping of gum behind him as he laced up his boots and tried to will away his nerves.
"Hey. Hey." The gum snapped twice, quickly. "Hey."
Benji turned, shaking his hair out of his eyes. "Hey."
"Hey! I'm Rémy. Cristiano Ronaldo is my favorite player. I'm almost as good as he is, or at least I will be soon. Who's your favorite player?" Snap, snap.
Benji shrugged, picking up his bag. "Dunno."
Rémy nodded happily, falling into step next to Benji as they made their way out to training.
"That's cool. Ronaldo's awesome though. I mean, it's like you can't look anywhere but at him, right? Even when he's not playing, you just have to look."
Benji blinked, absently shoving at his hair. Rémy turned and bounded away, returning with a ball. He juggled for Benji.
Knee
knee
instep
laces
laces
head
knee
neck.
The ball came briefly to rest before being flung skyward when Rémy snapped his head back and spun, laughing as the ball eluded his touch and clattered under the bench. He beamed at Benji.
"I'm like that, too."
• • •
Febuary 8, 2011: France U21 3-1 Slovakia U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started, played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Entered the match as a substitute in the 74th minute
• • •
Even at 15, Rémy was Rémy. All eagerness and noise and ego, but with humor and talent to back it up, and an insistent oddness that gave him an unexpected sort of appeal. To Benji, anyway. He didn't think he'd spoken more than a dozen words to Rémy during their first two months playing together, yet somehow they were friends. Possibly it was because Benji's silence made space for Rémy's noise, but whatever the reason, it worked. They roomed together on the road, and Benji learned that "MEEEEEOOOOOOOOW" was Rémy’s “smurfy”: Punctuation, punch line, and filler. He watched enough Ronaldo videos for a lifetime, his general lack of interest surmounted by Rémy single-minded obsession; his need to reproduce every skill, every goal and (most troublingly) every catastrophic hairstyle.
When he finally started talking, Benji sometimes quietly scoffed at one of Ronaldo's tricks. He didn't really care, but it was fun to watch Rémy rising to his idol's defense, all flashing anger, high-pitched indignation and elaborate demonstrations with balls of paper. Rémy wouldn't stop until Benji nodded seriously and agreed that, yes, he'd been mistaken, and Rémy would flop happily down next to him again, hero successfully defended.
• • •
March 24, 2011: France U21 3-2 Spain U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started, played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Entered the match as a substitute in the 60th minute
• • •
The first time Rémy kissed him was after the Gambardella final.
Everything was sticky and sweet and smelled like champagne, and Benji was wonderfully, decadently drunk. He'd completely lost track of time, all he knew was that he'd had his first drink in the locker room, from the trophy itself, and he hadn't stopped since. There'd been a lot of drinking in the locker room, a little, surreptitious (except probably not really) drinking on the bus, some classier drinking -- from glasses and everything, no bottles in sight -- at dinner, more drinking on the bus (completely not surreptitious at all this time), and now he was back at the hotel, sitting on the floor in the hallway, happily clutching a bottle of champagne.
He could have sworn there were other people with him -- Younès had been there, and Guillaume was there, he was sure of it -- but now he was somehow alone, listening to the increasingly slurred sounds of joy coming from the rooms around him.
"MEEEEEOOOOOOOOW!"
Benji snorted and raised his bottle in the direction of the sound before even bothering to lift his head. He knew he'd see Rémy strutting down the hall, as weirdly composed as he'd been all evening. (Benji'd never been able to work out whether Rémy handled his liquor better than everyone else, or if he was just so naturally unrestrained that it was hard to tell when alcohol was having an effect on him.)
Benji was jarred out of his thoughts by the impact of a bright orange shoe against his ankle. "Can't handle your liquor, Stambouli?"
Benji tried to glare up at Rémy, but first his hair was in the way and then it was in his eyes, so he mostly ended up rubbing his eyes and knocking over his bottle.
"HEY!" Rémy swooped in and righted the bottle with disconcerting grace before much had spilled, then squatted down next to Benji with a stern look on his face. "Right, my drunken, champion friend. Time for bed."
Before Benji had time to protest, he'd been hauled to his feet and was being authoritatively walked toward their room. The trip was a slow and deliberate one, punctuated by regular stops so Rémy could drink from the bottle he’d appropriated from his charge.
"Rémy!" Benji didn't care that he was whining, at least not enough to stop. "Mine. Give it t'me!"
Rémy grumbled but stopped again, this time tilting the bottle up toward Benji's mouth. Predictably, most of the champagne went down his neck, but tiny trickles found both his windpipe and his throat. While Benji mentally congratulated himself for managing to swallow without choking to death, Rémy seemed primarily interested in the portion that hadn't actually made it into Benji’s mouth.
Because Rémy was definitely licking his neck. A lot. Licking his neck really, really carefully. And … OH MY GOD WHAT WAS GOING ON.
In response, a soothing, familiar thought swam its way to the surface of Benji’s sodden brain, easily dislodging the panic. It was Rémy. It was just Rémy.
So Benji relaxed, and then he laughed, and Rémy made a pleased little noise against his throat and, actually?
Everything was fine. Benji blindly reached down toward Rémy's hand and urged it up again, and Rémy grinned and ran his teeth along Benji's jawline, and Benji missed most of the champagne again. Being champions of France was amazing.
• • •
March 29, 2011: Czech Republic U21 0-1 France U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started, played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Entered the match as a substitute in the 71st minute
• • •
Benji was pretty sure Rémy wasn't gay. He didn't think Rémy was anything, really, he just liked people. He liked touching and being touched, and as far as Benji could tell it didn't matter much who was doing it. It wasn't so much that Rémy was easy (Rémy was sort of easy), more that he delighted in affection of all kinds, and loved to give it out as much as he enjoyed receiving it. He had this crazy, unexpected magnetism, and when he turned it on, people flocked to him, like all they wanted was a little bit of his weird, meowing light to shine on them.
Rémy was careful, but Benji had still caught him with another guy a few times. Three times, he'd caught him three times. ("Caught" wasn't really the right word, though, because it suggested Rémy was trying to hide because he thought he was doing something wrong, and was embarrassed. Rémy was really, really not embarrassed.)
Once in a club bathroom (Benji had tried to tell him later than he needed to be more careful, and Rémy had only chuckled, and said "Why, cos somebody might want to join in?", and Benji might have blushed a tiny bit, which only made Rémy cackle louder.), once in the back of Rémy's car (Benji had tried to leave as soon as he saw that Rémy was busy, but Rémy spotted him and actually winked over some dude's bare shoulder.), and once in Rémy's actual bed, when Benji had showed up unannounced and let himself in. That was totally his bad, but Rémy didn't even care.
He just blinked at Benji, stretched like a cat, and gave him this amazing, lazy grin. That was the word that came into Benji's head at the time, even. Amazing. It was like seeing into Rémy's soul, or something -- a single second of complete and utter contentment. Benji stood in the bedroom doorway and just looked at him in something like awe, hardly aware of the guy sprawled out in the sun on Rémy's bed, snoring faintly.
• • •
June 2, 2011: France U21 1-0 Serbia U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started, played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Started, played 90 minutes
• • •
When Rémy went out on loan, Benji started wondering what he was like when he was alone. Which was stupid because Arles wasn’t alone, it just wasn’t Montpellier. But still. He kept thinking about Rémy alone, on the road, without him there to listen, or to laugh, or to make fun of his hair. Rémy, sitting quietly, all that energy locked up inside. With a book, maybe, waiting for lights out? It was impossible to imagine.
He almost called. Most nights, for the first few months, he almost called, just so Rémy could lecture him about Ronaldo, or meow at him, or whatever. But he didn’t, because it wasn’t like Rémy didn’t have anyone there to talk to. It wasn’t like he didn’t just open his mouth and let Rémy come out, no matter who was or wasn’t around.
(It occurred to Benji then that Rémy very possibly talked to himself. Talked to himself a LOT. Which made it easier to imagine him alone, if not in repose, exactly.)
• • •
June 5, 2011: Ukraine U21 1-1 France U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started, played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Started, played 90 minutes and scored France's only goal
• • •
Benji's phone trilled. Miss me?
He snorted. Nope.
Almost before Benji hit send, his phone sounded again. Thought so.
MEEEEEOOOOOOOOW!
Shut up.
Cristiano Ronaldo. LEGEND.
Sorry, who?
You are a sad, sad individual.
• • •
September 5, 2011: Portugal U21 1-0 France U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Entered the match as a substitute in the 46th minute
Rémy Cabella: Entered the match as a substitute in the 46th minute
• • •
Benji had never noticed it before, but the air in a place actually changed when Rémy was there. Or, at least, he was pretty sure it did; if Rémy came through the door soon, he'd know he was right. He'd not really seen Rémy since summer -- it was the longest they'd been apart since they were kids, but Benji could swear he’d felt Rémy walk into the Clairefontaine dorm a minute ago. Not felt in a creepy, paranormal way, but he could tell that things changed. It was like people got a little brighter, a little sharper. He could hear laughter now, and everything felt tuned in, somehow.
But not in a creepy, paranormal way.
Then the door flew open, and Benji had a Rémy wrapped around him. A cackling, very warm Rémy, who reeked of cologne and was clinging to Benji like one of them had just scored possibly the world's greatest goal. Or like he was just really, really happy to see him. Benji's hair was in his eyes, as usual, and it was hard to see over the Rémy attached to him, but he eventually found Rémy's bed and threw him down on it.
Benji's face hurt from smiling and Rémy was beaming up at him, looking pretty much like the happiest person in the world. They were both a little breathless.
"Miss me?"
"Nope."
• • •
November 14, 2011: France U21 2-0 Slovakia U21 (U21 Euro qualifier)
Benjamin Stambouli: Entered the match as a substitute in the 77th minute
Rémy Cabella: Started, played 55 minutes
• • •
And they were champions again. There were more people this time (more press, more fans, more everyone) and a little less drinking (Benji wanted to remember everything, every single thing) but they were champions.
Benji was positive he hadn’t had much to drink, but everything was a still a blur. They were somehow back in Montpellier and they were all in a club together, celebrating. It felt like the whole city was there, everyone and his brother and their cameras, so Benji just stayed out of the way and tried to take it in. Every once in a while, through the mass of bodies, he thought he caught a glimpse of Rémy's profile, dark angles cut out in a burst of strobe light, and he was sure that, at least twice, he heard a gleeful "MEEEEEOOOOOOOOW!" slice through the deafening, spiky roar of the place.
Eventually, finally, it was just them. The press went away with their cameras, the fans had been gently shown the door, and it was just them -- just the champions. The music was pounding and the lights were flashing and Benji's head was fuzzy with drink and cigars, and it was … It was as if somehow everything he wanted from life was there; he could touch it, could breathe it in. He wanted to cry, it was so perfect.
And Rémy was there, and his eyes were huge and flashing and delighted, and his hands were sweaty on Benji's hips, just barely touching, as they danced.
"AM I HIGH?"
Rémy leaned closer. "WHAT?"
"I FEEL LIKE I'M ON ECSTASY." Benji looked around and held his arms out wide, helplessly trying to encompass everything. "IS THIS WHAT ECSTASY FEELS LIKE?"
Rémy barked out his laugh, teeth impossibly white in the dark. "YES. EXACTLY."
Benji nodded, relieved, and Rémy's hand skittered across the skin of his waist.
• • •
February 28, 2012: France U21 1-1 Italy U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started and played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Started and played 79 minutes
• • •
Benji's whole body was vibrating. He thought some of it was from the music, but some of it probably wasn't. Possibly some of it was to do with the fact that he had Rémy on his lap, one knee on either side of Benji's hips, looking at him in a way that made it hard for Benji to meet his eyes.
"Dude. You can't look me like that, it makes you look like Gollum."
"WHAT?" Rémy leaned closer, which Benji hadn’t known was possible.
"I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY 'MY PRECIOUS'."
Rémy threw his head back and laughed with his whole body. Benji was definitely vibrating.
And then Rémy was kissing him, kissing him like it didn't matter what was at stake, Rémy was going to win. It was aggressive, yeah, but also persuasive and careful and unpredictable, with little bursts of ferocity when Benji least expected them, and these moments of impossible gentleness that were gone before Benji was sure they'd even happened. He was going to die.
When Rémy finally pulled back, a persistent smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, Benji mostly gaped, running his hands carefully up and down Rémy's sides. A tiny part of him wondered if Rémy might purr.
"Is this weird?"
Rémy rolled his eyes and leaned in so that his forearms rested on the seat behind Benji, and his mouth was at Benji's ear.
"WHAT?"
"IS THIS WEIRD?"
Benji felt more than heard the damp huff of Rémy's laughter against his neck. "ABSOLUTELY."
• • •
June 8, 2012: Kazakhstan U21 0-3 France U21 (U21 Euro qualifier)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started and played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Started, played 90 minutes, and scored France's first goal
• • •
I took this super hot guy home after the party last night.
Super hot, huh? No shit. I actually left w/a guy, too.
You? No way. How was he?
… Intense. Good intense. Kept meowing tho.
Like during sex?
Not during sex. Well, mostly not during sex.
So what's the problem?
Notes
1. Title is from "An Everlasting Love", by Andy Gibb. Because a) ANDY GIBB, and b) Rémy, who prides himself on loving the latest, hippest rap, would be horrified.
2. This is Rémy Cabella. He plays for Montpellier, and is an attacking midfielder who can play either on the wing or through the middle of the pitch. He's tiny, wildly talented, thrilling to watch and scores goals like this, but he's not just flash -- for much of last season, he completed the highest percentage of attempted passes in all of Ligue 1. His personality off the pitch is much like you'd expect from watching him play: Loud, attention-loving and cocky (not only does he idolize Ronaldo, but he also calls himself RC20, presumably because CR7 wouldn't be strictly accurate), but he nevertheless comes across as unfailingly friendly and gracious with fans. Additionally, he's undeniably -- and unashamedly -- weird, and he really does meow, so much so that fans leave notes like this one on his car. His car, which he had repainted in Montpellier colors last season, with his initials as a detail. (The Montpellier president reimbursed him the cost of the paint job when he saw the car.)
3. This is Benjamin Stambouli. He, too, plays for Montpellier, and is a defensive midfielder and central defender who is anything but flashy -- he plays simple and with great intelligence, reads the game well and is remarkably comfortable on the ball. Benji's been around football most of his life, as his father Henri is a longtime coach (he currently runs the youth academy at Marseille), and his grandfather and uncle were both coaches. In terms of temperament, he's in many ways Rémy's opposite: Benji prefers to stay out of the spotlight, doesn't like to talk about himself and comes across as impressively composed for someone so young (he turns 22 next month), maybe even a bit shy. Toward the end of last season, though, he loosened up as Montpellier got closer to the title, finally shedding (most of) his inhibitions the night they won.
4. This is Rémy Cabella and Benjamin Stambouli. So is this.
5. Rémy joined Montpellier in July of 2004, a few months after his fourteenth birthday. When Benji arrived a year later, he was almost 15.
6. The matches listed throughout the piece are the nine in which Benji and Rémy have played together for the French U21s. In those nine matches, the team have won six times, drawn twice, and lost only once.
7. The Gambardella Cup is a prestigious, season-long U19 tournament in France which Montpellier won in 2009, defeating Nantes 2-0 in the final. Rémy started the final, played all 90 minutes and scored Montpellier's second goal, while Benji came off the bench in the 70th minute. Here is a taste of the post-match celebrations, featuring Rémy being Rémy, and Benji characteristically staying away from the camera.
8. "Younès" is Younès Belhanda and "Guillaume" is Guillaume Legras. Both were in the Gambardella-winning team and, while Legras spent last season on loan with lower division side FC Martigues, Belhanda played a crucial role in Montpellier's 2011-2012 success.
9. Rémy spent the 2010-2011 season on loan at Arles-Avignon, playing regularly and improving both his game and reputation, despite the team's ultimate relegation to Ligue 2. During that time, he and Benji played together only for the U21s.
10. Clairefontaine is the base of the French national team.
11. Montpellier won their first-ever Ligue 1 title in the 2011-2012 season. Their first team featured eight players from that 2009 Gambardella-winning team, including Benji and Rémy.
12. Thanks to cheryl_bites for being cheryl_bites, and to roadtoharmony and sotranquil for the hand-holding, encouragement and beta-ing. All mistakes, hideous and otherwise, are mine, not theirs.
Benji remembered the moment he met Rémy. It was Benji's first day at Montpellier and he wasn't even 15 yet, nothing but a thatch of shaggy hair over a lean body full of determination, uncertainty and hope, hope that was tenacious enough (sometimes) to quiet the uncertainty. He heard Rémy before he saw him, heard the insistent snapping of gum behind him as he laced up his boots and tried to will away his nerves.
"Hey. Hey." The gum snapped twice, quickly. "Hey."
Benji turned, shaking his hair out of his eyes. "Hey."
"Hey! I'm Rémy. Cristiano Ronaldo is my favorite player. I'm almost as good as he is, or at least I will be soon. Who's your favorite player?" Snap, snap.
Benji shrugged, picking up his bag. "Dunno."
Rémy nodded happily, falling into step next to Benji as they made their way out to training.
"That's cool. Ronaldo's awesome though. I mean, it's like you can't look anywhere but at him, right? Even when he's not playing, you just have to look."
Benji blinked, absently shoving at his hair. Rémy turned and bounded away, returning with a ball. He juggled for Benji.
Knee
knee
instep
laces
laces
head
knee
neck.
The ball came briefly to rest before being flung skyward when Rémy snapped his head back and spun, laughing as the ball eluded his touch and clattered under the bench. He beamed at Benji.
"I'm like that, too."
• • •
Febuary 8, 2011: France U21 3-1 Slovakia U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started, played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Entered the match as a substitute in the 74th minute
• • •
Even at 15, Rémy was Rémy. All eagerness and noise and ego, but with humor and talent to back it up, and an insistent oddness that gave him an unexpected sort of appeal. To Benji, anyway. He didn't think he'd spoken more than a dozen words to Rémy during their first two months playing together, yet somehow they were friends. Possibly it was because Benji's silence made space for Rémy's noise, but whatever the reason, it worked. They roomed together on the road, and Benji learned that "MEEEEEOOOOOOOOW" was Rémy’s “smurfy”: Punctuation, punch line, and filler. He watched enough Ronaldo videos for a lifetime, his general lack of interest surmounted by Rémy single-minded obsession; his need to reproduce every skill, every goal and (most troublingly) every catastrophic hairstyle.
When he finally started talking, Benji sometimes quietly scoffed at one of Ronaldo's tricks. He didn't really care, but it was fun to watch Rémy rising to his idol's defense, all flashing anger, high-pitched indignation and elaborate demonstrations with balls of paper. Rémy wouldn't stop until Benji nodded seriously and agreed that, yes, he'd been mistaken, and Rémy would flop happily down next to him again, hero successfully defended.
• • •
March 24, 2011: France U21 3-2 Spain U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started, played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Entered the match as a substitute in the 60th minute
• • •
The first time Rémy kissed him was after the Gambardella final.
Everything was sticky and sweet and smelled like champagne, and Benji was wonderfully, decadently drunk. He'd completely lost track of time, all he knew was that he'd had his first drink in the locker room, from the trophy itself, and he hadn't stopped since. There'd been a lot of drinking in the locker room, a little, surreptitious (except probably not really) drinking on the bus, some classier drinking -- from glasses and everything, no bottles in sight -- at dinner, more drinking on the bus (completely not surreptitious at all this time), and now he was back at the hotel, sitting on the floor in the hallway, happily clutching a bottle of champagne.
He could have sworn there were other people with him -- Younès had been there, and Guillaume was there, he was sure of it -- but now he was somehow alone, listening to the increasingly slurred sounds of joy coming from the rooms around him.
"MEEEEEOOOOOOOOW!"
Benji snorted and raised his bottle in the direction of the sound before even bothering to lift his head. He knew he'd see Rémy strutting down the hall, as weirdly composed as he'd been all evening. (Benji'd never been able to work out whether Rémy handled his liquor better than everyone else, or if he was just so naturally unrestrained that it was hard to tell when alcohol was having an effect on him.)
Benji was jarred out of his thoughts by the impact of a bright orange shoe against his ankle. "Can't handle your liquor, Stambouli?"
Benji tried to glare up at Rémy, but first his hair was in the way and then it was in his eyes, so he mostly ended up rubbing his eyes and knocking over his bottle.
"HEY!" Rémy swooped in and righted the bottle with disconcerting grace before much had spilled, then squatted down next to Benji with a stern look on his face. "Right, my drunken, champion friend. Time for bed."
Before Benji had time to protest, he'd been hauled to his feet and was being authoritatively walked toward their room. The trip was a slow and deliberate one, punctuated by regular stops so Rémy could drink from the bottle he’d appropriated from his charge.
"Rémy!" Benji didn't care that he was whining, at least not enough to stop. "Mine. Give it t'me!"
Rémy grumbled but stopped again, this time tilting the bottle up toward Benji's mouth. Predictably, most of the champagne went down his neck, but tiny trickles found both his windpipe and his throat. While Benji mentally congratulated himself for managing to swallow without choking to death, Rémy seemed primarily interested in the portion that hadn't actually made it into Benji’s mouth.
Because Rémy was definitely licking his neck. A lot. Licking his neck really, really carefully. And … OH MY GOD WHAT WAS GOING ON.
In response, a soothing, familiar thought swam its way to the surface of Benji’s sodden brain, easily dislodging the panic. It was Rémy. It was just Rémy.
So Benji relaxed, and then he laughed, and Rémy made a pleased little noise against his throat and, actually?
Everything was fine. Benji blindly reached down toward Rémy's hand and urged it up again, and Rémy grinned and ran his teeth along Benji's jawline, and Benji missed most of the champagne again. Being champions of France was amazing.
• • •
March 29, 2011: Czech Republic U21 0-1 France U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started, played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Entered the match as a substitute in the 71st minute
• • •
Benji was pretty sure Rémy wasn't gay. He didn't think Rémy was anything, really, he just liked people. He liked touching and being touched, and as far as Benji could tell it didn't matter much who was doing it. It wasn't so much that Rémy was easy (Rémy was sort of easy), more that he delighted in affection of all kinds, and loved to give it out as much as he enjoyed receiving it. He had this crazy, unexpected magnetism, and when he turned it on, people flocked to him, like all they wanted was a little bit of his weird, meowing light to shine on them.
Rémy was careful, but Benji had still caught him with another guy a few times. Three times, he'd caught him three times. ("Caught" wasn't really the right word, though, because it suggested Rémy was trying to hide because he thought he was doing something wrong, and was embarrassed. Rémy was really, really not embarrassed.)
Once in a club bathroom (Benji had tried to tell him later than he needed to be more careful, and Rémy had only chuckled, and said "Why, cos somebody might want to join in?", and Benji might have blushed a tiny bit, which only made Rémy cackle louder.), once in the back of Rémy's car (Benji had tried to leave as soon as he saw that Rémy was busy, but Rémy spotted him and actually winked over some dude's bare shoulder.), and once in Rémy's actual bed, when Benji had showed up unannounced and let himself in. That was totally his bad, but Rémy didn't even care.
He just blinked at Benji, stretched like a cat, and gave him this amazing, lazy grin. That was the word that came into Benji's head at the time, even. Amazing. It was like seeing into Rémy's soul, or something -- a single second of complete and utter contentment. Benji stood in the bedroom doorway and just looked at him in something like awe, hardly aware of the guy sprawled out in the sun on Rémy's bed, snoring faintly.
• • •
June 2, 2011: France U21 1-0 Serbia U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started, played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Started, played 90 minutes
• • •
When Rémy went out on loan, Benji started wondering what he was like when he was alone. Which was stupid because Arles wasn’t alone, it just wasn’t Montpellier. But still. He kept thinking about Rémy alone, on the road, without him there to listen, or to laugh, or to make fun of his hair. Rémy, sitting quietly, all that energy locked up inside. With a book, maybe, waiting for lights out? It was impossible to imagine.
He almost called. Most nights, for the first few months, he almost called, just so Rémy could lecture him about Ronaldo, or meow at him, or whatever. But he didn’t, because it wasn’t like Rémy didn’t have anyone there to talk to. It wasn’t like he didn’t just open his mouth and let Rémy come out, no matter who was or wasn’t around.
(It occurred to Benji then that Rémy very possibly talked to himself. Talked to himself a LOT. Which made it easier to imagine him alone, if not in repose, exactly.)
• • •
June 5, 2011: Ukraine U21 1-1 France U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started, played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Started, played 90 minutes and scored France's only goal
• • •
Benji's phone trilled. Miss me?
He snorted. Nope.
Almost before Benji hit send, his phone sounded again. Thought so.
MEEEEEOOOOOOOOW!
Shut up.
Cristiano Ronaldo. LEGEND.
Sorry, who?
You are a sad, sad individual.
• • •
September 5, 2011: Portugal U21 1-0 France U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Entered the match as a substitute in the 46th minute
Rémy Cabella: Entered the match as a substitute in the 46th minute
• • •
Benji had never noticed it before, but the air in a place actually changed when Rémy was there. Or, at least, he was pretty sure it did; if Rémy came through the door soon, he'd know he was right. He'd not really seen Rémy since summer -- it was the longest they'd been apart since they were kids, but Benji could swear he’d felt Rémy walk into the Clairefontaine dorm a minute ago. Not felt in a creepy, paranormal way, but he could tell that things changed. It was like people got a little brighter, a little sharper. He could hear laughter now, and everything felt tuned in, somehow.
But not in a creepy, paranormal way.
Then the door flew open, and Benji had a Rémy wrapped around him. A cackling, very warm Rémy, who reeked of cologne and was clinging to Benji like one of them had just scored possibly the world's greatest goal. Or like he was just really, really happy to see him. Benji's hair was in his eyes, as usual, and it was hard to see over the Rémy attached to him, but he eventually found Rémy's bed and threw him down on it.
Benji's face hurt from smiling and Rémy was beaming up at him, looking pretty much like the happiest person in the world. They were both a little breathless.
"Miss me?"
"Nope."
• • •
November 14, 2011: France U21 2-0 Slovakia U21 (U21 Euro qualifier)
Benjamin Stambouli: Entered the match as a substitute in the 77th minute
Rémy Cabella: Started, played 55 minutes
• • •
And they were champions again. There were more people this time (more press, more fans, more everyone) and a little less drinking (Benji wanted to remember everything, every single thing) but they were champions.
Benji was positive he hadn’t had much to drink, but everything was a still a blur. They were somehow back in Montpellier and they were all in a club together, celebrating. It felt like the whole city was there, everyone and his brother and their cameras, so Benji just stayed out of the way and tried to take it in. Every once in a while, through the mass of bodies, he thought he caught a glimpse of Rémy's profile, dark angles cut out in a burst of strobe light, and he was sure that, at least twice, he heard a gleeful "MEEEEEOOOOOOOOW!" slice through the deafening, spiky roar of the place.
Eventually, finally, it was just them. The press went away with their cameras, the fans had been gently shown the door, and it was just them -- just the champions. The music was pounding and the lights were flashing and Benji's head was fuzzy with drink and cigars, and it was … It was as if somehow everything he wanted from life was there; he could touch it, could breathe it in. He wanted to cry, it was so perfect.
And Rémy was there, and his eyes were huge and flashing and delighted, and his hands were sweaty on Benji's hips, just barely touching, as they danced.
"AM I HIGH?"
Rémy leaned closer. "WHAT?"
"I FEEL LIKE I'M ON ECSTASY." Benji looked around and held his arms out wide, helplessly trying to encompass everything. "IS THIS WHAT ECSTASY FEELS LIKE?"
Rémy barked out his laugh, teeth impossibly white in the dark. "YES. EXACTLY."
Benji nodded, relieved, and Rémy's hand skittered across the skin of his waist.
• • •
February 28, 2012: France U21 1-1 Italy U21 (friendly)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started and played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Started and played 79 minutes
• • •
Benji's whole body was vibrating. He thought some of it was from the music, but some of it probably wasn't. Possibly some of it was to do with the fact that he had Rémy on his lap, one knee on either side of Benji's hips, looking at him in a way that made it hard for Benji to meet his eyes.
"Dude. You can't look me like that, it makes you look like Gollum."
"WHAT?" Rémy leaned closer, which Benji hadn’t known was possible.
"I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ABOUT TO SAY 'MY PRECIOUS'."
Rémy threw his head back and laughed with his whole body. Benji was definitely vibrating.
And then Rémy was kissing him, kissing him like it didn't matter what was at stake, Rémy was going to win. It was aggressive, yeah, but also persuasive and careful and unpredictable, with little bursts of ferocity when Benji least expected them, and these moments of impossible gentleness that were gone before Benji was sure they'd even happened. He was going to die.
When Rémy finally pulled back, a persistent smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth, Benji mostly gaped, running his hands carefully up and down Rémy's sides. A tiny part of him wondered if Rémy might purr.
"Is this weird?"
Rémy rolled his eyes and leaned in so that his forearms rested on the seat behind Benji, and his mouth was at Benji's ear.
"WHAT?"
"IS THIS WEIRD?"
Benji felt more than heard the damp huff of Rémy's laughter against his neck. "ABSOLUTELY."
• • •
June 8, 2012: Kazakhstan U21 0-3 France U21 (U21 Euro qualifier)
Benjamin Stambouli: Started and played 90 minutes
Rémy Cabella: Started, played 90 minutes, and scored France's first goal
• • •
I took this super hot guy home after the party last night.
Super hot, huh? No shit. I actually left w/a guy, too.
You? No way. How was he?
… Intense. Good intense. Kept meowing tho.
Like during sex?
Not during sex. Well, mostly not during sex.
So what's the problem?
Notes
1. Title is from "An Everlasting Love", by Andy Gibb. Because a) ANDY GIBB, and b) Rémy, who prides himself on loving the latest, hippest rap, would be horrified.
2. This is Rémy Cabella. He plays for Montpellier, and is an attacking midfielder who can play either on the wing or through the middle of the pitch. He's tiny, wildly talented, thrilling to watch and scores goals like this, but he's not just flash -- for much of last season, he completed the highest percentage of attempted passes in all of Ligue 1. His personality off the pitch is much like you'd expect from watching him play: Loud, attention-loving and cocky (not only does he idolize Ronaldo, but he also calls himself RC20, presumably because CR7 wouldn't be strictly accurate), but he nevertheless comes across as unfailingly friendly and gracious with fans. Additionally, he's undeniably -- and unashamedly -- weird, and he really does meow, so much so that fans leave notes like this one on his car. His car, which he had repainted in Montpellier colors last season, with his initials as a detail. (The Montpellier president reimbursed him the cost of the paint job when he saw the car.)
3. This is Benjamin Stambouli. He, too, plays for Montpellier, and is a defensive midfielder and central defender who is anything but flashy -- he plays simple and with great intelligence, reads the game well and is remarkably comfortable on the ball. Benji's been around football most of his life, as his father Henri is a longtime coach (he currently runs the youth academy at Marseille), and his grandfather and uncle were both coaches. In terms of temperament, he's in many ways Rémy's opposite: Benji prefers to stay out of the spotlight, doesn't like to talk about himself and comes across as impressively composed for someone so young (he turns 22 next month), maybe even a bit shy. Toward the end of last season, though, he loosened up as Montpellier got closer to the title, finally shedding (most of) his inhibitions the night they won.
4. This is Rémy Cabella and Benjamin Stambouli. So is this.
5. Rémy joined Montpellier in July of 2004, a few months after his fourteenth birthday. When Benji arrived a year later, he was almost 15.
6. The matches listed throughout the piece are the nine in which Benji and Rémy have played together for the French U21s. In those nine matches, the team have won six times, drawn twice, and lost only once.
7. The Gambardella Cup is a prestigious, season-long U19 tournament in France which Montpellier won in 2009, defeating Nantes 2-0 in the final. Rémy started the final, played all 90 minutes and scored Montpellier's second goal, while Benji came off the bench in the 70th minute. Here is a taste of the post-match celebrations, featuring Rémy being Rémy, and Benji characteristically staying away from the camera.
8. "Younès" is Younès Belhanda and "Guillaume" is Guillaume Legras. Both were in the Gambardella-winning team and, while Legras spent last season on loan with lower division side FC Martigues, Belhanda played a crucial role in Montpellier's 2011-2012 success.
9. Rémy spent the 2010-2011 season on loan at Arles-Avignon, playing regularly and improving both his game and reputation, despite the team's ultimate relegation to Ligue 2. During that time, he and Benji played together only for the U21s.
10. Clairefontaine is the base of the French national team.
11. Montpellier won their first-ever Ligue 1 title in the 2011-2012 season. Their first team featured eight players from that 2009 Gambardella-winning team, including Benji and Rémy.
12. Thanks to cheryl_bites for being cheryl_bites, and to roadtoharmony and sotranquil for the hand-holding, encouragement and beta-ing. All mistakes, hideous and otherwise, are mine, not theirs.