(no subject)
Title: The Last Morning
Author: wildwein ... who else? ._.
Theme: #37. Sad
Rating: PG-PG13
Pairing: ShunsukeXTsukasa
Disclaimer: Shunsuke kisses my feet every day and Tsukasa makes me breakfast ... . Nothing. I own nothing. Thanks for reminding me. =_=
Comments: The title is from this song I love so much. ._. This fic was mostly written for my own entertainment, but I hope you guys will like it, too. ^-^ Comments are welcomed and loved and cuddled. *_*
You always meet twice in life or so they say. Can you also meet twice if one of the two people involved is already dead?
“Tsutsuuu?“ Where are you hiding? You love this whole hide and seek thing for some reason. But then again you were always rather ... hmmm, not childish. That sounds so negative. You just didn’t want to grow up and so you stopped at some point in your life. I never really minded that. It was just part of who you were, I guess.
Usually you would have come out from where ever you were hiding, hugging me like you’d never let go, but not that day for some reason.
I was tired.
As usually we hadn’t spent the night sleeping. We never did. We just stayed up, talking. Or making love. That, too. But mostly it was just talking.
I should have known better than to stay in the livingroom, waiting for you.
They always tell you that you shouldn’t waste your time with if’s and but’s, but seriously ... I should’ve known better.
I opened a can of beer and emptied it.
Great, Shunsuke, just great. Drinking got me in trouble in highschool, during band practise, lives and a bunch of other things, but I would’ve never thought that it would destroy the one thing in the world that actually means something to me.
If there is anyone to blame for what happened other than myself it’s the person who invented beer, I guess.
~~~ *** ~~~
“Shun-Shun?“ Your head is resting on my chest and I’m playing with your hair. It’s dry from all the bleaching, but I like how it feels under my fingers.
“Hm?“
“If there was anything about your life you could change, what would it be?“
“I would’ve quit school earlier,“ I giggle and kiss your nose.
“You’re not being serious!“ You pout and glare daggers at me. “Is there absolutely nothing you regret?“
“No, there isn’t. You shouldn’t waste your time blaming yourself for things you cannot change anyway. You shouldn’t either.“
You look at me with wide eyes. “Who said I wanted to change anything?“
“Then don’t start that kind of conversation if there’s nothing behind it anyway!“ I laugh and cuddle you.
You look away and close your eyes. I can feel your body getting heavier as you fall asleep and briefly wonder why that is so, but file this fact away to think about it later.
~~~ ***~~~
That was the last time I ever saw your eyes and ever heard your voice. Our last morning together and I hate myself for not making it count at all. If only I had known ...
I would’ve held you tight forever. These cold, white tiles and your beautiful face would’ve never made contact. You wouldn’t have tripped. I would’ve caught you.
It’s so trivial actually.
This whole thing ... how could something like this cause you to die?
I don’t like the expressions other people have for death. What are ‘leaving‘ or ‘passing away‘ supposed to mean? It makes everything sound like it wasn’t bad at all.
I didn’t go to see your corpse.
It’s not like that was you. It’s just ... a thing that kept you. The real Tsukasa was somewhere else. Hopefully somewhere where people took care of each other and didn’t get drunk while their lovers were bleeding to death on the bathroom floor.
~~~ *** ~~~
“Ne, Shun-Shun?“
“Hm?“
Our conversations always start like this and today is no exception.
“What do you like about beer so much?“
Of course you have to ask me something I couldn’t answer to. I mean ... if you look at it from the average person’s point of view there’s nothing great about alcohol. It doesn’t even taste very good. It’s just something you start doing after a while. You get used to it and after a while you get nervous when you don’t get it. I never really saw that as a problem. I know you do.
“I don’t know. I just like it. Leave me be, okay?“ I turn away from you.
“I’m sorry ... I’m just worried sometimes,“ you whisper and wrap your arms around me from behind. “You’re changing, Shunsuke.“
I know.
~~~ *** ~~~
I knew they blamed me for his death. Oh, of course they wouldn’t actually say it, but it was more than obvious that they did. Of course I quit the band. What was the point in torturing myself with your absence?
I didn’t stop drinking, though. Which I hate myself for. Drinking was the only thing that kept the pain at bay, but it was also the thing inflicting pain on me in the first place. That’s what you call a vicious circle, I guess.
Oh well ... it’s not like it matters anymore. I don’t mean to sound cheesy or anything, but without you my life meant nothing.
Could I please turn back time so that you could ask me this question once again?
~~~ *** ~
If there was anything about your life you could change, what would it be?
Author: wildwein ... who else? ._.
Theme: #37. Sad
Rating: PG-PG13
Pairing: ShunsukeXTsukasa
Disclaimer: Shunsuke kisses my feet every day and Tsukasa makes me breakfast ... . Nothing. I own nothing. Thanks for reminding me. =_=
Comments: The title is from this song I love so much. ._. This fic was mostly written for my own entertainment, but I hope you guys will like it, too. ^-^ Comments are welcomed and loved and cuddled. *_*
You always meet twice in life or so they say. Can you also meet twice if one of the two people involved is already dead?
“Tsutsuuu?“ Where are you hiding? You love this whole hide and seek thing for some reason. But then again you were always rather ... hmmm, not childish. That sounds so negative. You just didn’t want to grow up and so you stopped at some point in your life. I never really minded that. It was just part of who you were, I guess.
Usually you would have come out from where ever you were hiding, hugging me like you’d never let go, but not that day for some reason.
I was tired.
As usually we hadn’t spent the night sleeping. We never did. We just stayed up, talking. Or making love. That, too. But mostly it was just talking.
I should have known better than to stay in the livingroom, waiting for you.
They always tell you that you shouldn’t waste your time with if’s and but’s, but seriously ... I should’ve known better.
I opened a can of beer and emptied it.
Great, Shunsuke, just great. Drinking got me in trouble in highschool, during band practise, lives and a bunch of other things, but I would’ve never thought that it would destroy the one thing in the world that actually means something to me.
If there is anyone to blame for what happened other than myself it’s the person who invented beer, I guess.
~~~ *** ~~~
“Shun-Shun?“ Your head is resting on my chest and I’m playing with your hair. It’s dry from all the bleaching, but I like how it feels under my fingers.
“Hm?“
“If there was anything about your life you could change, what would it be?“
“I would’ve quit school earlier,“ I giggle and kiss your nose.
“You’re not being serious!“ You pout and glare daggers at me. “Is there absolutely nothing you regret?“
“No, there isn’t. You shouldn’t waste your time blaming yourself for things you cannot change anyway. You shouldn’t either.“
You look at me with wide eyes. “Who said I wanted to change anything?“
“Then don’t start that kind of conversation if there’s nothing behind it anyway!“ I laugh and cuddle you.
You look away and close your eyes. I can feel your body getting heavier as you fall asleep and briefly wonder why that is so, but file this fact away to think about it later.
~~~ ***~~~
That was the last time I ever saw your eyes and ever heard your voice. Our last morning together and I hate myself for not making it count at all. If only I had known ...
I would’ve held you tight forever. These cold, white tiles and your beautiful face would’ve never made contact. You wouldn’t have tripped. I would’ve caught you.
It’s so trivial actually.
This whole thing ... how could something like this cause you to die?
I don’t like the expressions other people have for death. What are ‘leaving‘ or ‘passing away‘ supposed to mean? It makes everything sound like it wasn’t bad at all.
I didn’t go to see your corpse.
It’s not like that was you. It’s just ... a thing that kept you. The real Tsukasa was somewhere else. Hopefully somewhere where people took care of each other and didn’t get drunk while their lovers were bleeding to death on the bathroom floor.
~~~ *** ~~~
“Ne, Shun-Shun?“
“Hm?“
Our conversations always start like this and today is no exception.
“What do you like about beer so much?“
Of course you have to ask me something I couldn’t answer to. I mean ... if you look at it from the average person’s point of view there’s nothing great about alcohol. It doesn’t even taste very good. It’s just something you start doing after a while. You get used to it and after a while you get nervous when you don’t get it. I never really saw that as a problem. I know you do.
“I don’t know. I just like it. Leave me be, okay?“ I turn away from you.
“I’m sorry ... I’m just worried sometimes,“ you whisper and wrap your arms around me from behind. “You’re changing, Shunsuke.“
I know.
~~~ *** ~~~
I knew they blamed me for his death. Oh, of course they wouldn’t actually say it, but it was more than obvious that they did. Of course I quit the band. What was the point in torturing myself with your absence?
I didn’t stop drinking, though. Which I hate myself for. Drinking was the only thing that kept the pain at bay, but it was also the thing inflicting pain on me in the first place. That’s what you call a vicious circle, I guess.
Oh well ... it’s not like it matters anymore. I don’t mean to sound cheesy or anything, but without you my life meant nothing.
Could I please turn back time so that you could ask me this question once again?
~~~ *** ~
If there was anything about your life you could change, what would it be?