Claim: Press Gang (Kenny Phillips) - #13 Hand on Heart, Table 5
Title: Excuses and Dead Aunts
Author: lost_spook
Claim: Kenny Phillips
Prompt: #13 Hand on heart
Fandom: Press Gang
Rating: All ages
Word Count: 414
Summary: So how does Kenny justify having been at his aunt’s funeral no less than eight times?
Notes/Warnings: None. (Ref. to a Kenny/Lynda exchange in S2 ep Love and the Junior Gazette).
***
Lynda: "Of course - your dear old aunt in Sherrington. What is it this time? Ill? Dead? Tell me, how do you justify being off work at her funeral on no less than eight separate occasions?"
Kenny: "She is my aunt!"
Lynda: "Kenny - this woman has died a total of eight times!"
Kenny: “How do you think I feel?” (S2, Love And the Junior Gazette).
*
The thing is about being Lynda’s friend as well as her assistant editor, is that she has a tendency to expect you to be dedicated to the Junior Gazette - and to work almost as long and hard as she does. And every once in a while (or eight) you need to kill your dear old Aunt in Sherrington to get away. It happens:
1. Family Day
Because your Mum shouldn’t have to ask, “Who are you?” when you come down to breakfast in the morning, even if she’s only being sarcastic.
2. Friday Night Date
Lynda isn’t sympathetic about taking Jenny out to Czars. Jenny isn’t sympathetic about Lynda wanting you to work three weekends in a row. What can you do? Anything else would be worse than World War III.
3. Grandad’s Accident
Only actual death of a relative cuts ice with Lynda. Tell her Grandad’s in hospital after a fall and she’ll probably ask you to interview the nurses for an article while you’re visiting. Funerals are safer. There’s less risk of intrusive human interest.
4. Grandad’s Accident (II)
It follows that when the next edition’s due, Lynda doesn’t see why getting an old man his shopping and helping him out round the house is in anyway more important than the Junior Gazette. You try explaining that to your Mum.
6. Being Dumped
Let’s face it, broken hearts are a pretty feeble excuse in Lynda’s book. She’d say work was the best cure. She might be right, but asking you to edit the article on dating advice for Valentine’s Day was a bit insensitive, even for her.
7. The other time Lynda wanted to use you as an excuse not to go out with Spike
Well, you want to stay alive with all your limbs intact, don’t you? Besides, as if she needs any help with thinking up excuses for that one. You know better than to stand between those two. Well, all right, maybe you didn’t, but you’ve learned that lesson the hard way. More or less.
8. Avoiding killing your best friend.
There are times when sitting opposite Lynda all day, every day just isn’t good for your sanity, even if you are the most reasonable, even-tempered guy in existence. Sometimes you’ve got to walk out of there while you can do it without throwing things, preferably something heavy.
(That only happened the once, though. Mostly you smile and tell her yes. Or no, if that's what she prefers.)
***
Author: lost_spook
Claim: Kenny Phillips
Prompt: #13 Hand on heart
Fandom: Press Gang
Rating: All ages
Word Count: 414
Summary: So how does Kenny justify having been at his aunt’s funeral no less than eight times?
Notes/Warnings: None. (Ref. to a Kenny/Lynda exchange in S2 ep Love and the Junior Gazette).
***
Lynda: "Of course - your dear old aunt in Sherrington. What is it this time? Ill? Dead? Tell me, how do you justify being off work at her funeral on no less than eight separate occasions?"
Kenny: "She is my aunt!"
Lynda: "Kenny - this woman has died a total of eight times!"
Kenny: “How do you think I feel?” (S2, Love And the Junior Gazette).
*
The thing is about being Lynda’s friend as well as her assistant editor, is that she has a tendency to expect you to be dedicated to the Junior Gazette - and to work almost as long and hard as she does. And every once in a while (or eight) you need to kill your dear old Aunt in Sherrington to get away. It happens:
1. Family Day
Because your Mum shouldn’t have to ask, “Who are you?” when you come down to breakfast in the morning, even if she’s only being sarcastic.
2. Friday Night Date
Lynda isn’t sympathetic about taking Jenny out to Czars. Jenny isn’t sympathetic about Lynda wanting you to work three weekends in a row. What can you do? Anything else would be worse than World War III.
3. Grandad’s Accident
Only actual death of a relative cuts ice with Lynda. Tell her Grandad’s in hospital after a fall and she’ll probably ask you to interview the nurses for an article while you’re visiting. Funerals are safer. There’s less risk of intrusive human interest.
4. Grandad’s Accident (II)
It follows that when the next edition’s due, Lynda doesn’t see why getting an old man his shopping and helping him out round the house is in anyway more important than the Junior Gazette. You try explaining that to your Mum.
6. Being Dumped
Let’s face it, broken hearts are a pretty feeble excuse in Lynda’s book. She’d say work was the best cure. She might be right, but asking you to edit the article on dating advice for Valentine’s Day was a bit insensitive, even for her.
7. The other time Lynda wanted to use you as an excuse not to go out with Spike
Well, you want to stay alive with all your limbs intact, don’t you? Besides, as if she needs any help with thinking up excuses for that one. You know better than to stand between those two. Well, all right, maybe you didn’t, but you’ve learned that lesson the hard way. More or less.
8. Avoiding killing your best friend.
There are times when sitting opposite Lynda all day, every day just isn’t good for your sanity, even if you are the most reasonable, even-tempered guy in existence. Sometimes you’ve got to walk out of there while you can do it without throwing things, preferably something heavy.
(That only happened the once, though. Mostly you smile and tell her yes. Or no, if that's what she prefers.)
***