hah i am though i haven't gone to church on a regular basis since age 7.
ok, here we go:
Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been 22 years since my last confession. haha I've committed every sin except murder and adultery. So, what is my penance, Father?
Re: Well, this is just greatness.4ofspadesMarch 20 2010, 21:49:06 UTC
Father Joker says that to receive absolution, you must strangle a Cardinal with some rosary beads, and bring him back the cleric's hat. Actually, if it's a paper Burger King crown instead, that's okay. Father Joker just wants to pimp himself out with a cool headdress.
Father Joker says that since you've been a good little non-Catholic confessing Lutheran girl, you can reach inside his robe for a Fabulous Prize. It might be a knife.
Father Joker says you have excellent taste in protrusions. He also says that the most effective way to deal with a sinful thought is to act on it, so it's out of your system. It's the only way to true absolution.
Ever the helpful clergyman that he is, Father Joker says he can arrange to help eradicate that sinful thought from your mind. Just drop by his private confessional booth tonight around 10:30. You bring the Christ crackers and he'll bring the wine.
*jotting down in my planner: 10:30 PM - Christ crackers*
Thank you, Father Joker, for helping me to purge my sinful, lustful thoughts. I agree with you, Father. The solution to every sin in life is to "f*ck it out" of the system. AMEN.
I apologize for saying a four-letter word in your holy presence.
LMAO!!! This is beyond anything my heart ever could have imagined. My friend daylight broke recommended that I stop by for I have numerous sins that need to be purged. I'll start with just one and maybe we could move on from there.
Forgive me Father for I have sinned against myself in the worst way. I have become a recluse and shut myself off from society. I need to be re-trained on how to enter this hateful world, but am unsure of how to do so. In your spare time do you give lessons on how to do just this or am I doomed to a life of isolation forever?
Father Joker says that if you were meant to hide from the world, God would have made you a hermit crab. He says you're demonstrating pride by isolating yourself from others, judging them to be less than what you believe they should be. Pride is a sin, and you need to atone.
He instructs you to stop by his confessional booth, so you can practice flashing him. (He says to wear a red trench coat. He was very specific about the color.) After he feels your flashing skills are up to par, your penance for pride is to walk the streets and flash every cop car that drives by, to humble yourself. Only after you've managed to get yourself booked for indecent exposure will you receive full forgiveness.
Speaking of leather, um, that brings me to my second sin. My desire to quench my lustful thoughts in confessional with a sexy scarred Father such as yourself. Any chance, we may "kill" two birds with one stone while working on my rehabilitation?
Father Joker says that lustful thoughts are selfish thoughts, because you want something all to yourself. He says you need to learn to share. To teach you this important life lesson, he instructs you to stop by his confessional booth later tonight, as he's hearing gratefuldread's confessions, so you can take turns confessing on your knees.
Father Joker says you're demonstrating lustful behavior, which is a sin. However, to better understand what type of penance to hand out, he needs to see exactly what types of photos you're playing with. He said something about "checking to make sure everything's to scale". (He mentioned that in reference to a "bulge", whatever that means.)
Father Joker instructs you to stop by his confessional booth with your laptop. I'd wear padded pants, if I were you. He mentioned giving you a good ol' fashioned Catholic spanking... whatever that means.
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ok, here we go:
Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 22 years since my last confession. haha
I've committed every sin except murder and adultery.
So, what is my penance, Father?
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As penance for your other sins, he instructs you to sleep with a married man and then burn the guy's house down with him inside.
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I can only imagine what that means. Dirty clow-- I mean, priest.
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Being Lutheran (family-wise, anyway), this is my first confession.
I have, on occasion, told annyoing customers off under my breath when they were looking away.
How can I be absolved?
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He asked me to invite you to come closer and sit on his lap to confess.
Yep. He's one of *those* priests.
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*dives onto lap*
I'm sorry, Father, I'll repeat myself.
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Father Joker says that since you've been a good little non-Catholic confessing Lutheran girl, you can reach inside his robe for a Fabulous Prize. It might be a knife.
Or, it might be something else.
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( ... )
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Ever the helpful clergyman that he is, Father Joker says he can arrange to help eradicate that sinful thought from your mind. Just drop by his private confessional booth tonight around 10:30. You bring the Christ crackers and he'll bring the wine.
Reply
Thank you, Father Joker, for helping me to purge my sinful, lustful thoughts. I agree with you, Father. The solution to every sin in life is to "f*ck it out" of the system. AMEN.
I apologize for saying a four-letter word in your holy presence.
Reply
Reply
Forgive me Father for I have sinned against myself in the worst way. I have become a recluse and shut myself off from society. I need to be re-trained on how to enter this hateful world, but am unsure of how to do so. In your spare time do you give lessons on how to do just this or am I doomed to a life of isolation forever?
Reply
He instructs you to stop by his confessional booth, so you can practice flashing him. (He says to wear a red trench coat. He was very specific about the color.) After he feels your flashing skills are up to par, your penance for pride is to walk the streets and flash every cop car that drives by, to humble yourself. Only after you've managed to get yourself booked for indecent exposure will you receive full forgiveness.
Reply
Speaking of leather, um, that brings me to my second sin. My desire to quench my lustful thoughts in confessional with a sexy scarred Father such as yourself. Any chance, we may "kill" two birds with one stone while working on my rehabilitation?
Reply
Reply
(The comment has been removed)
Father Joker instructs you to stop by his confessional booth with your laptop. I'd wear padded pants, if I were you. He mentioned giving you a good ol' fashioned Catholic spanking... whatever that means.
Reply
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