(for everyone) i am destroyer (i am lover) part ii

[kais]

part i

The first thing Kyungsoo registers as he lazily wakes up from his slumber is the smell of coffee. It’s infesting his apartment and it makes his stomach grunt in complaint. It is also most definitely his mind playing tricks on him, because Kyungsoo lives alone and people who live alone do not have the pleasure of waking up to freshly made coffee.

He tosses and turns in his bed, trying to find the most comfortable position to go back to sleep, but the room seems uncharacteristically bright this morning and it’s bothering him. Maybe he forgot to shut his curtains? Seems very unlikely, but it’s the only possible explanation, it seems.

Groaning, he opens his eyes, trying to blink the sleep, and yes, there are the curtains wide open.

It takes him a couple of seconds to figure out that those are not his curtains, though. Those are not his curtains.

He looks around, still a lot groggy, and these are also not his sheets, he thinks, frowning at the bed. Kyungsoo never had purple sheets, as far as he’s concerned. Or a bed this big. Or a stuffed dog.

The beginnings of panic start clawing at the edges of his mind.

He sits himself down on the bed, frantically looking around for anyone that might be watching, only to release a sigh of relief when he sees that he’s alone.

Okay. Okay. Calm down, Kyungsoo. Let’s be rational about this.

This is definitely not his room, that much is obvious by now. Nothing around him is even remotely familiar, so this is obviously not a friend’s room either. And he doesn’t have many friends so he’d definitely know for sure.

Anyway. He needs to leave. He doesn’t remember how he got here and he needs to fucking leave, his mind shouts at him.

Looking out the window, he’s quick to determine that they’re far too high up for him to try his luck in jumping. That leaves the front door as the only alternative.

He has to get out of the room, he sighs, momentarily dropping his head to his hands. He has a headache and no memories of last night, but that’s secondary. Right now, he has to get out of here.

Gingerly, he gets out of the bed, pleased to find that there’s nothing holding him down or anything like that. He still has most of his clothes on too, with the exception of his shoes and coat, which are lying on a chair by the window.

Everything in the room is a mess, Kyungsoo notices as he makes his out towards the door. There are clothes scattered on the floor, shoes -- ballet shoes? -- hanging from the wardrobe’s handle, and tiny piles of books on every conceivable free space. Suddenly he gets the strange feeling that this room is familiar, but he knows that he has never been here before. He would snoop around to find out more, but right now his self-preservation shouts louder, and he continues to tiptoe his way to the door.

The more he walks, the less panicky he feels, focusing solely on not making any sound for now. The room seems fairly normal to him, if a little bit messier, but nothing is particularly out of the ordinary.

As quietly as possible, he opens the door, praying for all the gods he knows that it doesn’t creak and almost falling to his knees in gratefulness when it doesn’t. As soon as he does, he discovers that the smell of coffee that woke him up is definitely real and much stronger now.

Which probably means there’s someone home. Making coffee.

Okay, Kyungsoo tells himself. He has to rethink this whole situation.

Maybe he’s being silly.

He’s not tied up. He has his clothes on. The door wasn’t locked. He was gently asleep on what is obviously someone’s bedroom. Maybe he’s making a big deal out of this. Maybe he passed out on the streets and someone brought him home. Maybe there’s no need to be all stealthy. He’s fine, isn’t he? He’s in one piece, nothing feels different.

With a deep breath, and shaky hands, Kyungsoo decides to venture outside and opens the door a little wider.

Nothing jumps at him, though he doesn’t know why he was expecting that. All that faces him is a door and a small corridor.

Kyungsoo exhales the breath he didn’t realise he was holding, and steps out.

He checks the bathroom first, opening the door and entering once he realises there’s no one inside. His reflection stares back at him in the mirror, and he does a quick assessment, before deciding that he is, indeed, intact.

He quickly washes his face and his mouth, before once again stepping outside and into the unknown.

The corridor is short, and he only takes a few steps before he’s in the living room. It’s pretty average, Kyungsoo thinks, just a large sofa, a coffee table and a large television and some game consoles. There are a couple of bookcases, both overflowing with books and dvds. Nothing out of the ordinary.

To his left there is the exit, and to his right a balcony. In front of him, separated only by a counter, is the kitchen.

All of those places seem empty.

Kyungsoo frowns deeply, looking around, but there is no sound apart from the gentle whistling of a kettle that lies alone on the stove.

He could leave, Kyungsoo thinks. He’s confirmed that there is literally nothing stopping him from leaving. The door is right there, there is no one to say goodbye to. He can send a gift basket over maybe, as a ‘thank you for not leaving me out on the street’ sort of thing. All he has to do is grab his coat and shoes, and leave.

He doesn’t.

Something still feels strange for him. And he figures that if he waits for the host to return, maybe he can find out what happened last night?

He sighs, resigned, and walks towards the kitchen, to turn off the fire of a now screaming kettle. Maybe he can make some coffee. There is an awful lot of instant coffee lying around as far as he can see.

Kyungsoo grabs the can nearest to him as he makes his way around the counter, and into the kitchen area, only to drop it on the floor as soon as he enters it, when out of nowhere, a voice manifests itself right by his ear:

“Did you have a good night’s sleep?” It says, and a series of shivers runs down Kyungsoo’s spines.

That voice. He knows that voice, he’s heard it before. He’s heard it before...

And just like that, everything comes back to him with a bang.

It feels like his head is splitting in two as scenes from last night fast forward through his brain, and he has to hold on to the counter to keep himself up and resist against the nausea that is threatening to bring him down. Faintly, he registers a hold on his arm, steadying him, but he doesn’t react.

He remembers it now. Everything that happened yesterday night, he thinks, breath ragged and cold sweat starting to form on his brow.

It rolls off like a movie instead of like real memories, everything right there, but somehow a little far away. The empty streets, the dark alleyways, the strange noises... The body, the blood, the smell.

The ghoul.

He remembers a figure on the ceiling.

He remembers an angel with blood wings fighting for him.

“Kyungsoo.” The voice says again, but it barely registers, Kyungsoo’s mind still too clouded with the events from the night before.

Ghouls. He was in the middle of a ghoul fight.

Everything’s so clear now, he wonders how he forgot about it in the first place. He remembers the look in the first ghoul’s eyes, how he was ready to kill Kyungsoo there and then, he remembers the fear flowing through his veins, can still taste it in his tongue.

And he remembers the one who came to his aid.

The ghoul who saved him.

Because that’s what he did, right? Saved Kyungsoo. Left him unharmed, brought him to his home safely, gave him what is probably his bed.

“Kyungsoo.” The voice calls to him again, in a much softer tone, and this time he listens, and jumps, startled.

He looks up, eyes wider than usual, and this time he’s faced with the most beautiful face he has ever encountered in this lifetime.

The boy -- that’s what he is, because there’s no way he’s older than Kyungsoo -- is tall, with dark skin and unruly hair, just like he remembers.

What he doesn’t remember, what he didn’t see, though, was the straight line of his jaw, or the fullness of his lips. His nose is a little bumpy but not ugly, not at all, and instead of red eyes staring back at Kyungsoo, are warm brown ones, clouded with what reads as slight hesitation.

They seem familiar.

“You.” He says, before he can stop himself, voice loud amidst the quietness of the apartment. The boy in front of him merely lifts a brow at him.

“Me.” The boy answers, as if waiting for him to explain himself. Kyungsoo finds it outrageous that he is the one who has to explain himself, but he doesn’t comment on that right now.

“Yes, you. You’re the one who saved me last night. You’re th-the winged ghoul.” Kyungsoo didn’t mean to stutter. He wants to show that he’s not afraid, even if he feels the fear in his bones. He needs to show that he’s damn well willing to fight back, he’s not gonna go down easily, give up as soon as the game gets tough like he did yesterday.

“Yes, I am.” There is a tone of nonchalance in the boy’s voice as he introduces himself to Kyungsoo, as much as he looks, he can’t find a single drop of threat or danger in his stance or face. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hurt you.” He continues, staring at Kyungsoo with a sudden intensity that has him shivering, and Kyungsoo can’t help but believe him, though he doesn’t know why.

He feels familiar.

“Why not? You’re a ghoul, aren’t you?” He asks, unable to stop himself, eyes glued on brown ones that right now seem so earnest and strangely affectioned that Kyungsoo can’t stop himself from getting a little lost in them.

“Yes, I am a ghoul. But I’d never hurt you.”

“I don’t understand.” Kyungsoo whispers, brows furrowed in frustration and confusion. There’s a weird feeling bubbling up on his stomach, but he doesn’t understand, so he doesn’t think about it.

“I know you don’t. You don’t remember me.” He sighs, almost nostalgically, and it’s a small act that would probably go unnoticed by anyone else, but it pulls at Kyungsoo’s heartstrings, because it feels like he’s seen it a thousand times. “But I remember you, Do Kyungsoo.” There’s a little smile playing at the tip of the boy’s lips, and Kyungsoo doesn’t remember when they got so close that he can feel the boy’s breath on his face. “And I want to ask the same question I did five years ago.”

Kyungsoo doesn’t remember this boy. There is a nagging feeling on the back of his head saying that, yes, maybe he should remember, but he doesn’t. For all he knows, the boy could be playing with him, toying with his food before the part where it inevitably goes sour for him, and yet, he finds himself saying, “What question?”

The boy’s lips finally curl into a full blown smile, one of the prettiest Kyungsoo has ever had the pleasure of seeing (one that he knows he’s seen before, that makes his brain light up), and he leans forward, until he’s inches apart from Kyungsoo’s ear, hot breath tickling his skin.

“You’re so pretty. Can I kiss you?” He asks, making Kyungsoo gasp, and for the second time that day, he’s drowned by a flood of memories.

Except this time… This time, Kyungsoo is fifteen and with a crush on the scrawny kid that sits in the back of his Lit class.

This time, they’re five years younger, and there is a whole world ahead of them. They’re hidden behind the bleachers of the football field, sharing a comic book or manga they had recommended to one another, and blushing whenever their eyes met.

It was late spring, almost summer, and yet they were so close together Kyungsoo could feel the warmth emanating from the other’s body. He was reading, lips moving along with the words, when he felt the weight of his companion’s gaze on him, making him look up to stare at him with large, large eyes.

There was an intensity to the look he was being given that Kyungsoo, as a 15 year old, had never felt before, and he remembers flushing a light pink.

“What is it?” He had asked, a little self-conscious, but still looking at his companion in the eyes.

“You’re so pretty, Soo.” The boy had answered, sincerity lacing his every syllable and Kyungsoo had gasped softly. “Can I kiss you?”

There was a brief moment of silent as Kyungsoo tried to compute what was happening before whispering a gentle “Yes”.

Kyungsoo remembers feeling soft, soft lips against his, heart drumming in his chest. He remembers closing his eyes, and feeling a hand slipping into his nape. He remembers thinking that everything was right in the world for the couple of seconds in which they kissed.

The next day the boy was gone, and Kyungsoo never saw him again.

At least until now, he thinks as he stares up at him with disbelief, wondering how he ever forgot about the only boy who made his heart feel lighter.

“Jongin.” The name leaves his lips as naturally as it had after they had kissed all those years ago, and he can visibly see Jongin shivering at it.

He thinks it’s a good reaction.

“Hey.” The smile playing at Jongin’s lips is a thousand times more beautiful now that Kyungsoo remembers it as being the same as it was when they were younger, and it makes his heart flutter a little bit.

“You’re Jongin.” Kyungsoo states, a flabbergasted look on his face that has Jongin chuckling a little.

“Yes, and you’re Kyungsoo.” He answers, leaning forward a little, reducing the distance between them. Like this, Kyungsoo can feel his warm breath on his face, and he doesn’t know why (he does), but his pulse quickens and blood rushes to his cheeks.

“I haven’t seen you in five years.”

“I know.”

“You disappeared.” There’s a frown marring Kyungsoo’s face as he speaks. He thinks his fifteen year old self, and how heartbroken he was when Jongin suddenly stopped showing up for school right after they kissed. How there was no explanation, no goodbyes exchanged, not anything. He was left alone, missing a best friend and a boyfriend of sorts.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Jongin says, biting his bottom lip, a cloud of uncertainty around him. “I had to.”

“Why?” Even now, there’s a slight tone of brokenheartedness on Kyungsoo’s voice that he can’t hide, and he looks anywhere but at Jongin.

“The ghoul thing gets in the way of life sometimes.” Everything about that sentence is accompanied by a layer of bitterness and Kyungsoo’s breathing stills, anxiety suddenly pumping through his veins. “I had to run.”

“You’re a ghoul.” He echoes, voice suddenly dropping to a whisper. He had forgotten, he truly had. It seems like something that one would keep in mind at all times, but within all the reminiscing he got distracted.

He just hopes this isn’t the mistake that kills him.

“Yes.” There is more certainty in Jongin’s voice now, and he looks Kyungsoo straight in the eyes again, a mixture of hesitation and defiance, like he’s setting himself up to disappointment.

“Okay.” Kyungsoo says, and everything goes quiet while he digests the information. Jongin fidgets a little, looking a bit uncomfortable, but doesn’t say anything. “Okay.”

“Are you going to eat me?”

“No.”

“Do you eat people?”

“Yes. But not living, if I can avoid it.” Jongin is scowling as he says this, but he’s eyes are overflowing with honesty, like he’s begging Kyungsoo to believe him.

“Why should I trust you?” He asks, finally voicing his doubts. The question feels heavy on his tongue, but he doesn’t regret it, even when he sees Jongin’s expression hardening.

“You did when we were kids.” The answer comes as a whisper, and there’s an undisputable sorrow lacing his expression, but even then Kyungsoo is not deterred.

“I haven’t seen you in five years. And you’re a ghoul. How can I trust anything you’re telling me right now? How do I know you’re not just going to kill me?” Asking these questions to someone Kyungsoo once trusted wholeheartedly feels wrong, and seeing Jongin’s face feels even worse, but he honestly doesn’t know what else to do right now. He’s confused, and he’s so scared. “And how did you even find me last night?”

“I was looking for the ghoul that you came across. The ninth is a supervised zone, and he was an intruder.” Jongin answers, eyes cast down and shoulders hunched in an emotion Kyungsoo doesn’t want to acknowledge right now. “I saw you from above and recognised you instantly. You haven’t changed at all, hyung.” The casualness with which Jongin calls him ‘hyung’, like they had only been apart for a day instead of a year feels like tiny needles pricking Kyungsoo’s skin and he exhales strongly.

“So you decided to intervene?”

“I was going to intervene nonetheless. He was not welcome in this ward.” There’s a moment of silence, and Kyungsoo can feel how thick the tension between them is. The sun is shining through the large glass doors that separate the living room from the balcony, and Kyungsoo can hear the birds chirping outside. It must be a beautiful day, he thinks. He doesn’t know the time exactly, but it must still be early in the morning.

“Did you kill him?” He asks, finally breaking the silence, and Jongin looks up, looking a little confused. “The ghoul.”

There’s another long pause before Jongin answers.

“Yes. I did.” Kyungsoo nods, eyebrows furrowed as if he’s ruminating on the answer. He sees Jongin fidgeting nervously out of the corner of his eye, waiting for a judgment Kyungsoo feels like he isn’t in the right to pass.

“Do you regret it?” He asks, finally looking up and meeting anxious brown eyes, brown eyes he always loved and that he can’t help but still care for.

It’s been five years, but Kyungsoo never forgot.

“If I regret killing another one of my kin?” There’s a tone of disbelief Jongin’s voice as he answers, almost as if he can’t believe what he’s being asked. “Yes. Of course I do. But I had no choice.” Finally, Jongin’s shoulders fall back, as if the fight has completely left his body. He seems tired, Kyungsoo thinks. There are bags under his eyes, something he hadn’t noticed before, and his hair is a mess.

“Are you going to call the Doves on me? I reckon I deserve to know.” He asks, seeming almost resigned to whatever fate he ends up with.

At that, Kyungsoo frowns.

If he were to be honest, he hadn’t considered doing that until Jongin brought it up. He should call the Doves, he should give Jongin in, especially now that he doesn’t seem willing to put up a fight against him leaving.

Everything about this situation is absurd, that this is a ghoul standing in front of him, someone who was merciless when attacking last night, someone who he hasn’t seen in half a decade, whose life Kyungsoo knows nothing about.

But the idea of calling the CCG had never, throughout this entire conversation, crossed his mind, and as much as Kyungsoo wants to pretend he doesn’t know why, the reason is too obvious to ignore.

It’s because it’s Jongin.

And ghoul or not, Jongin would always be the Jongin. And for Kyungsoo, Jongin would always be the sweet boy who liked comic books, manga and detective stories. Who liked to dance and always made Kyungsoo sing as he did so. Who shamelessly loved girl groups and silly cartoons. The boy who was always so sleepy, and always so messy. Who never really saved phone numbers, but always knew when it was Kyungsoo on the other line.

For Kyungsoo, Jongin meant warmth. The last time of his life where he was truly happy.

He would never be able to cause him any harm, directly or not.

“No. I’d never do that to you.” There’s a frown on his face as he speaks and Jongin looks a little surprised. “I believe in you. When you say you’re not going to hurt me, I mean. I believe in you.”

And truly, Kyungsoo does.

For some reason, he has utter and complete trust in Jongin’s words. It doesn’t make sense, because this is a boy he hasn’t seen in five years and he’s probably being too naive and there’s a high chance that this will end up badly for him but right now...

But right now he sees how Jongin’s entire stance seems to sag in relief at his words, and he honestly doesn’t think he’s making the wrong choice.

“One more thing, though.” He says, and Jongin perks up in curiosity again, all his attention focused on Kyungsoo, just like it was when they were younger. “You called me your human.” He asks, the frown once again back on his face. He can’t believe he had forgotten about that until now.

He looks at Jongin to wait for his response, and is surprised to find that the boy’s cheeks ablaze.

“It’s silly.” He says, gaze anywhere but on Kyungsoo, who opens a small smile, because really, Jongin hasn’t changed at all. “It’s just that… When we were younger, you were my only friend. And the only human I was ever close to. So in my head I used to call you my human.” He looks up at Kyungsoo for a brief moment before turning away again. “I told you it was silly.” He sighs, but Kyungsoo barely registers amidst the wave of affection that suddenly hits him at Jongin’s words.

“You know,” Kyungsoo starts, and Jongin’s attention turns to him again. “I was really upset after you left.” He says, cheeks reddening slightly, but eyes fixed on Jongin’s face. Time was very good to him, Kyungsoo decides. He’s even more beautiful than when they were younger.

“I’m sorry.” Jongin says, and Kyungsoo knows it’s sincere. “I didn’t want to go.”

“You were my only friend too.” He continues, eyes fixed on Jongin’s.

He only realises he’s been inching nearer Jongin when they’re face to face, and he has to look up to be able to maintain eye contact. Jongin’s eyes haven’t left his the whole time, and from this distance, Kyungsoo finds, he could count each eyelash in them, if he wanted to.

He sees it when Jongin momentarily drops his gaze to his lips, and subconsciously parts them ever so slightly in response. Kyungsoo watches as Jongin’s adam’s apple bobs in anticipation, and he wonders if his lips are still as soft as they were when they were fifteen.

He decides to find out.

“Ask me again.” His voice comes out as barely a whisper, but he knows he was heard.

“Ask you what?” Jongin says, eyes now glued on Kyungsoo’s lips, watching as he anxiously licks them.

“What you asked five years ago. That you repeated just now. Ask again.” Kyungsoo says, nervousness bubbling on the pit of his stomach. This is all so completely outrageous, but it’s been a long time anything has felt this right in his life, and even if it ends up badly, he has a feeling he won’t regret it.

Jongin’s breath hitches a little when he realises what Kyungsoo is implying, but he’s quick to recompose himself the best he can. His eyes are so incredibly intense as they stare at Kyungsoo as if he’s trying to memorise every aspect of his face, and it makes Kyungsoo shiver a little.

A hand comes up to cup his left cheek and he instinctively leans into the touch. Jongin’s hand is warm and calloused, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Can I kiss you?” It’s only a murmur, spoken in a hesitant voice, but the effect it has on Kyungsoo is gigantic. He feels whole being tremble at the question, even more than the first time he was asked, and it takes all his willpower to keep his knees from giving in.

It’s too easy to nod and whisper back a soft yes, Kyungsoo finds, and it’s even easier to give into to Jongin when he brings their lips together in an almost desperate kiss.

To Kyungsoo, kissing Jongin after so long is almost like waking up from a slumber; he feels his entire body lighting up, feelings he had forgotten he possessed acting up again, and it’s glorious. Jongin’s lips are soft and his mouth is warm, and kisses Kyungsoo slowly, almost reverently. It’s intimate and affectionate, and it’s everything Kyungsoo expected it to be.

He barely notices when he’s backed against the counter, Jongin’s hands lowering themselves to his waist, and he never even registered when his own ended up tangled in the younger’s hair.

It doesn’t take long for Jongin to get restless and start moving his hands again, gently exploring the expanse of Kyungsoo’s back and moving under his shit to touch warm skin, making Kyungsoo gasp into their kiss in response.

Eventually they run out of breath and have to pull apart, but even then Jongin doesn’t stop, lowering his kisses to Kyungsoo’s jaw and neck, making his already ragged breathing even more erratic.

Giving into the feeling is much easier than it should be and Kyungsoo can’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed when tiny whimpers start making their way out of his lips, especially when the effects they have on Jongin become apparent, and presses himself into Kyungsoo more urgently, the trail of kisses he was leaving on his skin gradually turning into love bites.

Kyungsoo lets out a particularly loud moan when Jongin bites softly into his collarbones, and he hears a curse being murmured before he’s being pulled back into a kiss.

“Come with me”, The younger whispers into his lips, intertwining their fingers together.

Kyungsoo nods, eyes stuck on the shade of red Jongin’s lips have turned into, and before he knows he’s being led out of the kitchen.

Jongin leads him back into his room, his hold on Kyungsoo’s hand not wavering until they’re both inside. He closes the door before turning to face the other again, eyes heavy with emotions Kyungsoo doesn’t dare to name yet.

When Jongin kisses him again it’s soft, softer even than the first time, and he’s almost ridiculously careful when he leads Kyungsoo into bed, laying him down gently and gracefully climbing over him, a knee between Kyungsoo’s thighs.

“Look at me.” Jongin says when he pulls away again, voice gentle and eyes overflowing with affection the moment Kyungsoo does as he says. “Are you sure you want to do this?” He asks calmly, worry lacing his tone and his demeanour, and Kyungsoo feels another spike of fondness hitting his chest.

He takes a deep breath, brushes Jongin’s hair out of his eyes and answers: “I’ve waited five years for you.” His voice is almost hoarse when he speaks, and he hears Jongin’s breath hitch. “I might not have known this until now, but the fact doesn’t change. It’s you I was waiting for, and it’s you I want to be with.”

“So, yes. I want to do this.” He opens a small smile, and before he can even identify the emotion blooming on Jongin’s face he’s being kissed again.

They move much more urgently after that, Jongin’s hands moving down to massage at his hips and his own moving up and under Jongin’s shirt, wandering through his torso. His skin is so incredibly warm and Kyungsoo feels so safe with him, he can’t even explain it.

It’s not long before they get rid of their shirts and Jongin takes it onto himself to kiss every inch of Kyungsoo he can, biting at his collarbones again before mouthing one of nipples and making the older boy groan louder.

He doesn’t stop after that, seemingly determined to pull more noises out of Kyungsoo, who can only wrap his fingers on Jongin’s hair as he lowers himself even more, his warm breath ghosting over Kyungsoo’s navel.

Jongin looks up again, searching for reassurance once he reaches Kyungsoo’s jeans, and only moves forward once he has it.

He’s deft when unbuttoning Kyungsoo’s pants, biting softly at the skin above the waistline while he works them open, and once he has the buttons undone, he’s fast in removing the piece of clothing from Kyungsoo’s body.

Jongin stops after that, staring at pale milky thighs with so much wonder it has Kyungsoo blushing.

“Jongin.” He breathes out, hoping to pull the younger out of his reverie.

It only serves to shift Jongin’s focus from his thighs to his face, however, and make him blush even deeper with the intensity of his gaze.

“I always loved it when you said my name.” He says, almost worshipping, and Kyungsoo only has time to shiver before Jongin kisses him quickly and moves down again.

He spreads Kyungsoo’s legs open a little bit more and shifts so he’s right between them, and the image of Jongin looking so disheveled and greedy between Kyungsoo’s thighs only adds to the fire burning on the pit of his belly.

It’s starts with soft butterfly kisses being left on Kyungsoo’s inner thighs, and it gradually works its way to nibbling, cat licks and Jongin’s hands moving around to grasp at his ass, until Kyungsoo’s heaving and moaning loudly and unabashedly, sweat starting to form on his brows. He’s sure his thighs are going to be a little more colourful after this, but he finds that he doesn’t mind at all.

Jongin takes it slow, like they have all the time in the world, and while Kyungsoo is thankful for that, he also has this urgency in his gut that needs to be satisfied. He wriggles and arches, trying to wordlessly express his need for a change of pace, but that only seems to fuel Jongin to further his teasing.

“Are you going to do nothing but tease me?” He says, voice hoarse and deep, and he can barely believe it’s him saying those words in that voice, but he’s half-hard and something needs to be done about that.

Jongin seems to growl at his words, briefly looking up with a voracity Kyungsoo doesn’t remember even encountering in his life. He gives Kyungsoo’s inner thigh a last nibble, before moving away and leaving the older squirming while he frantically searches through his drawers.

He lets out a little exclamation of victory when he finds it, making Kyungsoo giggle and comes back to him, once again kneeling between Kyungsoo’s thighs, a small smile still adorning his beautiful face.

The smile vanishes when he grasps Kyungsoo’s thigh again, tenderly massaging the smooth skin, before moving to remove his briefs.

“Lift your hips for me?” Jongin asks breathlessly, eyes glued on his hands and Kyungsoo’s hips.

Kyungsoo’s quick to obey, the pink that was already tinting his skin turning into a fully bloomed red as he’s stripped away of the last article of clothing he had on.

Fortunately for him, this time Jongin doesn’t stare and goes straight into it, grabbing Kyungsoo at the base with his hand and mouthing at his tip with flair, making him keen in delight.

Kyungsoo is quick to discover that Jongin excels at driving him to the edge just to pull him back down again, sucking at the tip of his erection and licking at his slit, wiping the pre-cum away, then pulling away completely and repeating the action again and again.

Sometimes he pulls away just to give Kyungsoo’s dick little cat licks and smile at the way the older moans, sounding almost desperate, hips pathetically trying to follow his mouth as he pulls away again. But the tight grip Jongin has on him makes it impossible for Kyungsoo to thrust up and into Jongin’s mouth like he desperately wants to, something the younger seems to be enjoying a lot by the way his full lips curve into an annoyingly beautiful smirk every time it happens.

Kyungsoo is torn between wanting to hit and kiss him.

Throughout this whole ordeal, Kyungsoo does try his best to keep his noises at bay, but it seems like Jongin is intent on making him scream, and he can’t help himself but to moan loudly at his ministrations.

“Jongin.” He can’t even find it in himself to stop Jongin’s name as it leaves his lips, and the younger seems to enjoy it giving the way his grip on Kyungsoo’s hips tightens momentarily.

It’s only then that Jongin licks Kyungsoo from the bottom up, before finally finally swallowing him whole and making him mewl in pleasure, hands fisting at the sheets and back arching off the bed.

Jongin’s mouth is warm and his tongue is skilled, and it has heat boiling at the pit of Kyungsoo’s stomach, leaving his mouth open in a continuous groan. And it only gets better as the younger starts bobbing his head up and down, cheeks hollowed and gaze heavy on Kyungsoo’s face.

It’s almost overwhelming, the feeling of Jongin’s mouth on his dick, and Kyungsoo is already struggling with keeping himself from coming too early and ruining everything, an effort that only grows as he feels his cock hitting the back of Jongin’s throat.

It’s then that Jongin takes the chance to move forward again, and Kyungsoo doesn’t hear the bottle being opened, but he feels the cold finger as it suddenly circles around his entrance, and gasps.

Jongin stops for a second, a look of concern clouding his expression, but Kyungsoo is quick to nod -- rather vehemently too --, assuring that it’s okay to continue, which thankfully, he does.

The first finger always feels uncomfortable and foreign as it slips in and out of him, but Jongin is good with his mouth, and it serves as the perfect distraction to Kyungsoo. It’s not long before he’s completely used to, and murmuring at Jongin to add another finger.

The second finger has him grimacing in pain, something that apparently doesn’t sit well with Jongin, who doubles his efforts to distract him, sucking and liking at his dick more keenly, until Kyungsoo’s moaning in pleasure again. The fingers inside him don’t stop though, spreading him open until he’s subconsciously fucking himself on them, hips rocking without him even realising.

“Fucking hell, Kyungsoo.” Jongin groans, releasing Kyungsoo’s dick with a ‘pop’, his voice sounding ridiculously arousing and aroused, and Kyungsoo can only moan in response.

The third is as uncomfortable as the second, and he grimaces again, but this time Jongin is more relentless, and Kyungsoo almost wants to laugh, because finally he isn’t the one getting impatient.

Even so, Jongin takes his time, working him open properly and fully and only stopping when Kyungsoo finally has had enough.

“Jongin, please.” He whimpers, sounding so needy and desperate it surprises himself.

He thanks the heavens when his whim is immediately answered, and Jongin pulls out his fingers, hastily wiping them on his bed covers and getting up, and Kyungsoo takes that opportunity to finally take action, sitting himself down on the bed, making Jongin stop in his tracks.

With a finger, Kyungsoo calls Jongin forward, smiling when he readily obeys. Gingerly, he spreads his hand on Jongin’s abdomen, marveling at the way his paleness contrasts with Jongin’s beautiful tanned skin. He then trails his hand down to the waistline of Jongin’s briefs and looks up into the younger’s eyes before moving forward and licking up from where his hand lies to Jongin’s navel, and smirking when his lover groans shamelessly.

He does it again, biting at the soft skin above Jongin’s waistline this time, thoroughly enjoying the moan he lets out this time, before finally moving to remove his boxers, lowering them to Jongin’s knees and letting them fall to the floor.

Jongin seems painfully hard, and Kyungsoo honestly doesn’t know how he seems so put together, but he finds himself motivated to pull him apart a little.

He mouths the tip of Jongin’s dick and sucks, revelling on the sound the younger makes as he licks the head a couple of times, only to pull away afterward and watch with a smile as Jongin bites his bottom lip, in an attempt to keep it together.

He takes this chance to grab the condom Jongin had thrown into the bed earlier and gently roll it on, before lubing him up as well and finally moving back onto the center of the bed.

Jongin’s quick to follow him, but this time he sits himself down next to Kyungsoo, who takes the hint and moves from the bed to his lap, wrapping his arms around Jongin’s neck and sighing in content.

It’s Jongin who leans to kiss Kyungsoo one last time, sweet and tender.

“Are you sure you want this?” He asks, eyes filled with hesitation and doubt, and it has Kyungsoo’s heart burning with affection.

He doesn’t actually answer, instead opting for lifting his hips and reaching down to gently guide Jongin to his entrance, biting his bottom lip to keep down a groan when he sinks down into it.

The slide is uncomfortable, and it takes a while to get used to having someone inside him once he’s fully seated, but as Jongin whispers words of reassurance, looking at him with wonder and admiration, he can’t help but feel safe and wanted enough that the pain seems almost insignificant.

Kyungsoo takes a couple of deep breaths, burying his head on the curve of Jongin’s neck and whining when the younger starts leaving a trail of light kisses on his neck and shoulders, trying his best to distract him.

It works, and in no time he’s whispering a soft move.

Jongin lays him back down on the bed, wrapping his legs around his torso before indulging him, pulling almost all the way out, agonisingly slowly, only to slam back into him with speed and strength, making Kyungsoo’s mouth fall open in a silent scream.

He repeats the action, once, twice, three times, alternating between slow and tender, and fast and strong, driving Kyungsoo to the edge only to pull him right back down with words of warmth and affection.

The sounds of skin against skin are lewd as they echo around the room, and Kyungsoo should be grossed out by it, but he finds himself thinking of them as mildly arousing, especially when combined with Jongin’s grunts and his own whimpers of pleasure.

There’s no way of even thinking of keeping his noises down like this, not with the feeling of Jongin’s chest pressed against his and definitely not with the way he’s fucking Kyungsoo, making him feel like every inch of his skin is on fire.

Everything about this feels intimate, like the years they spent apart never even existed. From the way Jongin’s holding him to the looks he sends him like he’s the most previous thing in the world, and the words he whispers on Kyungsoo’s ear as he fucks him, everything feels charged with emotions Kyungsoo only remembers experiencing once, five years ago.

He can’t help himself but pull Jongin into a kiss, especially after the younger’s hand comes up to cup his jaw, his thumb lightly running over his bottom lip. Kyungsoo must look like a mess, but with the way Jongin’s treating him, he feels like the most important person on the planet.

So he kisses him, and it’s messy and it could probably barely be considered a kiss, but Kyungsoo hopes that Jongin feels the message he’s trying to convey -- that he missed Jongin as much as Jongin missed him.

Their pace gets more urgent after that, hips snapping faster and with more precision, and it’s not long until Jongin’s aiming for the exact place Kyungsoo needs him to, making his vision explode with colours every time.

By now Kyungsoo is probably screaming, sobs of Jongin’s name and pleas of more, more, please, more probably leaving his lips without his consent, but he hardly has time to care about that when everything feels so good, when his skin burns with pleasure.

Jongin must feel him nearing his end, because he moves down to wrap a hand around Kyungsoo’s aching erection, timing his movements to match the rhythm of his thrusting.

After that it doesn’t take long before Kyungsoo’s coming, a particularly hard thrust and a jerk of him having his vision whitening with ecstasy and his toes curling with pleasure, a loud moan of what he thinks is Jongin’s name escaping his lips.

Jongin fucks him through it, pace getting far more erratic as Kyungsoo tightens around him, and all it takes is another half moan of Jongin and he’s coming, burying his head on the curve of Kyungsoo’s neck and growling loudly.

They stay like that for a while, just gathering their breaths and pulling themselves back together, Jongin occasionally licking a drop of sweat from Kyungsoo’s jaw and making him let out tiny whimpers.

Both of them groan as Jongin finally pulls out and rolls to the side, taking off the condom and tying it up before throwing it somewhere and laying back down next to Kyungsoo, who can only barely keep his eyes open.

He feels absolutely exhausted in the best way possible, his bones still vibrating with pleasure and he doesn’t remember ever feeling this satisfied.

“We should go get breakfast.” Jongin whispers, locking their fingers together and bringing Kyungsoo’s hand to his lips, planting a light kiss on the back.

“You can’t eat food.” Kyungsoo answers, struggling to keep his eyes open and turning to fully face his lover.

“No, I can’t. But you can, and you should.” He sits himself down, pulling a grumpy Kyungsoo up with him and laughing at the older’s grunt of displeasure.

“We have to shower first.” He complains, giving in and sitting down, putting his weight against Jongin, a little frown of discomfort on his face.

He turns to look at Jongin and finds him looking back at him, a look of absolute devotion and fondness on his face.

He wonders if this is how Jongin looked at him in the past too, and he just never noticed.

“What is it?” He asks, a blush spreading on his cheeks at the intensity of the other’s gaze. He refuses to look away, though.

“Thank you.” Jongin says, a beautiful smile spreading on his lips. It makes Kyungsoo’s heart, who had only just calmed down, speed up again.

“For what?” He cocks his head in confusion, but Jongin only chuckles, boyish and carefree, and sounding so happy that Kyungsoo feels warmth running through his veins at the sight.

“For trusting me.” He answers, leaning in to kiss Kyungsoo’s forehead, a gesture so tender and loving that Kyungsoo can’t help himself but to pull him into a kiss afterwards, doing his best to pour all his feelings into it.

They only pull apart when the need for breath gets too urgent, and Kyungsoo rests his forehead against Jongin’s, running his thumb over the younger’s bottom lip.

“You’re welcome.” He says, planting a small kiss on Jongin’s lips again before turning around and getting out of bed.

“Now come on, let’s take a shower. I’m starving.” He says, extending his hand to Jongin.

He smiles when the younger takes it, his heart feeling like the might explode in his chest.

Kyungsoo has no fantasies about how their relationship is going to be. He’s sure that there are going to be a lot of bad times, that things can get incredibly complicated very easily, and that he probably isn’t exactly making the best decision by sticking to Jongin like this.

But as he leads them into the bathroom, Jongin’s hand fitting so perfectly against him and the feeling of safety and content spreading through his chest, he doesn’t mind at all.

They’ll figure the future out together.