(for wuxiing) Your words, My song part i
For: wuxiing
Title: Your words, My song
Genre: Romance, Drama, Comedy (i tried)
Rating: R
Side-Pairings: Suho/Chen, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it!Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Warnings: drunk sex, unprotected sex, references to a European boyband
Length: 12,560 words
Summary: Kyungsoo is the luckiest fanboy in the world. He gets to go to all of 5 Directions events and even gets to sleep with his favorite member. But when he loses more than his virginity that night, what will he do?
Notes: Thank you to my betas, who are my saving grace. Love you guys soooo much, mwah! I would also like to thank L for brainstorming with me and listening to my sudden bouts of bright ideas. To R who listened to my cries and wailing and continued to give me support. To wuxiing, I hope you like this despite the fact that I went sooooo far from the prompt OTL I do hope you appreciate rocker!Jongin :)
kyungsoo
The lights are bright and the screams are loud, but Kyungsoo loses himself in the rhythmic beats of the guitar. He loses himself with the ease of fingers moving over strings, in the chiseled jawline, toned arms and serious face. Kyungsoo loses himself in Jongin, 5 Directions' lead guitarist.
Jongin's skin shines from sweat and the way the lights hit him. Kyungsoo swallows the lump in his throat as he follows a bead of sweat fall down Jongin’s arms. Kyungsoo thanks the heavens that the band plays in clubs like these because Kyungsoo can see Jongin so close he can almost touch him.
Next to him, his best friend Baekhyun screams his head off as they begin to sing their encore song. He glances beside him and rolls his eyes when he spots tears in Baekhyun's eyes. He shakes his head and focuses back on Jongin who smiles as he starts strumming the song to their latest single.
Baekhyun absolutely loses it as he recognizes the song. Kyungsoo feels the same excitement, but reins in his desire to scream and sob. Baekhyun keeps shouting; he even flails as he starts sobbing, along with a few of the people up front.
The lead singer-Jongdae-laughs before he starts to sing. His voice echoes loudly in the club, as the rest of the crowd goes crazy. It's their latest single, Story Of Our Lives, from their third album, Midnight Hangovers.
Kyungsoo lets the tears fall as he watches a real smile cross Jongin's face. He only smiles when he's truly happy, and Kyungsoo has never seen one this close. In all the events that he's been to, Kyungsoo has only seen a ghost of that smile, because it's always been at a concert hall, with his seat meters away. Here at the club, Jongin's smile stands out under the colored lights, brighter than the stage lights. Love has never looked so beautiful.
(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)
Kyungsoo fans himself as they settle into the bar located at the corner of the club. Most of the crowd gathered by the stage has dispersed to mingle as 5 Directions gets off the stage. Kyungsoo sits on one of the stools and orders a beer. Baekhyun takes the seat beside him with a look in his eyes and a dreamy sigh on his lips. Kyungsoo takes a long swig of his beer and braces himself for the gushing.
Baekhyun talks his ear off with random spazzing over everything. Most of the words that come through Kyungsoo's ears are 'Jongdae' and 'hot, awesome, cool'. He stops paying attention halfway through the 'Jongdae's like a god...' fearing his hearing may suffer. When Baekhyun finally stops, Kyungsoo just barely catches his question.
"What?" Kyungsoo asks, finally paying attention. Baekhyun doesn't seem to notice that Kyungsoo has stopped listening.
"I was asking if you wanted to go home." Baekhyun rolls his eyes but waits for Kyungsoo's reply.
Kyungsoo checks the time on his phone and grimaces when he spots it's almost 2AM. "It's this late?"
Baekhyun barks out a laugh. "I know. What’s even more surprising is that you're not begging to go home yet."
Kyungsoo scowls and glares at Baekhyun. He turns back to his almost finished beer and swirls the bottle. "Do you wanna go home?"
Baekhyun fakes a gasp. "My my, is honor student Do Kyungsoo suggesting we stay out and go clubbing?"
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and takes a final swig of his beer. "I wasn't suggesting anything. I was asking if you wanted to go home. If you don't, then I don't mind staying." Kyungsoo shrugged. "Classes just started and it's my final year. I want to take it easy for as long as possible."
Baekhyun laughs as he wraps his arms around Kyungsoo's shoulders. "Aww don't be so grumpy, Kyungiepoo. We should probably go though. I've got a pain in the ass prof tomorrow. And she's my first class." Baekhyun groans and Kyungsoo nods in understanding.
"Okay, let's go."
jongin
"Bye motherfuckers, I'm going to get drunk!" Jongin hollers as he walks out of the dressing room. He can vaguely hear Jongdae's voice calling after him, but he doesn't stop sauntering over to the bar.
Jongin smiles kindly at the ladies throwing themselves at him before gently pushing them away. He's not drunk enough to want to get laid yet. He shakes his head at the women before taking the last few steps to the bar. He takes a seat at the farthest corner where he can remain unnoticed thanks to the dim lighting. He's shed the shiny glittering stage clothes to something dark and plain. He orders the strongest alcohol he can think of and downs it in one go.
Jongin welcomes the burning sensation sliding down his throat and settling in his stomach. The warmth comes not a minute too soon, spreading over his chest and arms. The heat that comes with the bar's atmosphere does little to cool him down but that's okay. Jongin orders five more drinks and downs them just like he did the first time.
Jongin knows he's drunk when he can hear himself giggle at absolutely nothing. He doesn't know how many shots he’s taken. No one's talking to him and he's slightly surprised none of his band members have come to pick him up. Thinking of how stupid his band mates are, he laughs.
"Are you okay?" someone asks as they bump shoulders with him. Jongin shakes his head to clear his vision but nothing happens. All he can see is a blur of lights and people and this person in front of him wearing what looks like a fan shirt of his band. He laughs again leaning onto the person.
"You a fan?" Jongin finds himself asking as he settles his head on the stranger's shoulder. The person seems to stiffen, but Jongin can't be too sure. It's quiet for a second so Jongin closes his eyes and inhales the scent of the stranger. It's a mixture of sweat, smoke and some musk he isn't familiar with. It's light enough that it doesn't make him dizzy. A whisper filters through Jongin's ears but he can't decipher what it says. He ignores it and leans most of his body weight on the stranger.
"...leave it to you, then," someone says, the voice sounding familiar. It's the only thing Jongin catches before pulling himself back up. He squints his eyes at the direction the voice came from but all he can see is the back of someone walking away. He can't tell who it is.
"Is there anywhere you want to go to?" the person whispers in his ears. Maybe he said it loud enough and it felt like a whisper. Jongin can't be too sure. He squints his eyes again at the person before him. His hands come up to feel him through his shirt.
Flat. He thinks. He concludes there's a high chance the stranger before him is male. He slides his hands down a little to the soft stomach and the jutting hipbones. It doesn't escape his notice how hard and straight the lines of the body seem to be. Definitely male.
There's a shudder as he slides his hand up the stranger's sides. He brings the body closer to him, standing up on shaky legs so they're pressed right against each other. He tries to look at the face of the man before him, squinting when all he sees is a blur of white and black and maybe some pink. He gives up trying to focus when his head starts to pound. If he's drunk enough he can't even tell the face of the person in front of him, he doesn't mind wanting to hold this body through the night.
"Hotel," Jongin whispers right by the stranger's ears. He revels in the shivers that rake the body in his arms.
Jongin doesn't know or hear what the stranger replies, but the person seems to know what he's doing as he leads Jongin away from the club. It's a short walk to the hotel, as there's loads of them located near the club. Jongin finds himself in a quiet cool room soon enough. There are two beds in the middle of the room separated by a night stand. The windows are floor to ceiling types that have curtains drawn over them. There's barely any light in the room and it's just the way Jongin likes it.
When the door clicks shut, Jongin pushes the man against the door, locking it in the process and captures those soft lips with his own.
(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)
The touch of another person's lips has never felt this good or soft to Jongin. Jongin leans even closer, laying himself flat against the warm body and sucking those soft lips into his mouth.
The body beneath him moans and Jongin feels a rush come over him. He pulls away and hurriedly undresses the both of them, not wasting another minute to feel the warmth of skin against his own. Jongin sighs as he holds the body beneath him, placing open mouthed kisses by the side of his neck.
"So smooth," Jongin comments as the person moans his name.
Jongin's blood rushes down south and he grinds his hips against the stranger's thighs.
"Jongin," the person pleads, saying his name over and over again. Jongin gets drunk on the deep tenor of his voice that he doesn't notice the soft hands on his chest pushing him away.
"What?" Jongin finds himself asking as he rests his weight on his arms. Jongin can't see the face under him. He can only hear and feel. The stranger pants as he slides his hands down Jongin's chest.
"I-" the stranger stutters. Jongin smirks at him, finding the stutter cute. Jongin closes his eyes and leans a little closer. He takes the hand on his chest and presses his lips on the inside of the stranger's palm.
"Shhhh," Jongin says as he kisses the wrist. He leaves a trail of kisses until he's by the stranger's ears, whispering, "You can tell me what you want."
"Please," the stranger begins softly, but sounding so sweet in Jongin's ear. Such a wonderful tone, Jongin thinks. "It's my first time."
Jongin's mind blanks. He stays in that position for what feels like an eternity as those words sinks in.
"Jongin," the deep voice calls him back to reality. Jongin feels a confident smile settle on his lips before he eases his face into a more gentle look. He leans back up and stares at the face of the person before him with unseeing eyes. All Jongin can see is the darkness, white skin that shines in the dark room and black hair.
Jongin strokes the cheek of the person before him. He leans down and kisses him on the forehead. "I promise-" he presses his lips at the top of the stranger's nose. "-to be gentle."
Jongin takes a second before he captures those lips with his own. He caresses the skin with the tips of his fingers before pulling the stranger close. He'll do good on his promise. He'll be gentle and he'll be the best night this guy will ever have.
Jongin leaves gentle kisses on his skin and whispers sweet lies whenever he pulls away. He strokes him with careful attention and prepares him in a torturously slow pace. This is the best way Jongin can be gentle.
It isn't until the stranger begs him that Jongin stops preparing him. He lubes up his cock and slides in the tight entrance. Jongin drinks in the moans and groans as he strokes the other's cock to distract him from the pain. Even as he's settled in, Jongin continues to stroke his partner's cock. Jongin leans down and kisses those soft lips once more to help him relax.
The person grips Jongin's arm and mumbles something against his lips. It sounds a lot like please to Jongin and he smirks into the kiss despite himself. Jongin doesn't pull away as he pulls out slowly and thrusts back in just as slow. It's the slowest pace he's ever settled but he doesn't hurry. He only fastens his pace when he hears little whimpers of faster coming from beneath him.
When the person screams his name as he comes, Jongin knows he's fulfilled at least of one of his promises for the night. Jongin comes at the same time to the sound, spilling himself inside of the person's warmth. The sound of heavy breathing echoes in his ear and he waits until the body beneath him stops trembling to pull out.
Jongin rolls over on the other side of the bed and wraps himself with the blanket. Jongin knows he promised to be gentle but the rest of the promises he whispered on the skin of the body beside him were and will always be just lies.
Jongin falls asleep to a heaviness on his back. It doesn't feel like a body pressed up against him. It feels like the weight of a stare, or the guilt one drowns in before sleep comes and takes them away.
kyungsoo
Kyungsoo stares at the back of the idol he loves. It's as broad and as beautiful as he had always imagined it would be. Even in the darkness of the room, it looks ethereal. Something about the way the blanket slips off of his arms looks like perfection.
Kyungsoo ignores the pang in his heart as he memorizes the image. He tries to ignore the way Jongin didn't hold him as he slept. He ignores the way his heart hurts more than his body. He thinks of Jongin, the way his guitar sounds and how gentle he was that night. Kyungsoo focuses on that and not at the way his heart falls apart.
Before he can cry, Kyungsoo looks over by the bed and finds his bag. He sighs in relief when he spots it close to his side, thankful he won't need to walk to get to it. He finds an almost tattered black notebook inside and grabs it. He flips to the first blank page somewhere in the middle. There's a pen stuck on the cover of the notebook and he uncaps it.
At first, Kyungsoo just taps the pen on the paper. All the words inside his head are a jumbled mess and it's difficult to make sense of things when he feels so many contrasting emotions. He takes a deep breath and tries to clear his head. He closes his eyes and imagines a wind blowing away his thoughts. When he opens his them, Kyungsoo looks around the room, finding he can finally make sense of his feelings. He looks at Jongin, his sleeping form still quiet in the dead of the night and writes on his notebook.
Bit by bit, Kyungsoo bares his heart and soul with words on paper. He writes carelessly and freely, feeling like losing himself in his own writing. This is the closest Kyungsoo will come to crying. With his pen as his eyes and the words as his tears, together with his heart, Kyungsoo makes a poem.
Kyungsoo closes his notebook and sighs. He pulls his knees up and rests his head against it. He doesn't know what time it is and he's pretty sure soon his alarm will ring. But a part of him doesn't want to leave the still warm sheets and the cold room.
A phone rings from somewhere on the floor and startles Kyungsoo, who pushes his things to the side and grabs his bag. Finding his phone, he quickly shuts off the alarm, silence echoing in the room as the sound dies. Kyungsoo sighs as he slumps back into the pillows. He looks at the time on his phone and his eyes widen when he realizes what the alarm is for.
"Shit shit shit," Kyungsoo mutters as he crawls off the bed. The sticky feeling still lingers on his skin, especially on his lower regions. He sighs as he makes his way to the shower and takes a quick one.
Kyungsoo rushes out, pulling his clothes on even as they reek of beer, smoke, and sex. He ignores it and stuffs the things he can't wear inside his bag. He doesn't turn back as he leaves the room. He closes the door as softly as possible and runs out of the hotel clutching his bag close to his side.
jongin
Jongin wakes up with a throbbing head and an empty bed. The rhyme, although unexpected, is not completely unwanted. It almost makes him feel like he can write songs again. He lies on his back with his eyes closed and tries to string a few words together.
Throbbing head, empty bed, Jongin loops the words in his mind before giving up with the line of thought. He comes up blank for a few seconds but Jongin doesn't want to give up. It's been a while since he felt like this, like he could feel something. Jongin thinks of a few words that match with how he feels.
Jongin is all alone in a hotel room. The body that was beside him last night is no longer there. From where Jongin's palm lays flat, all he can feel is the cool sheets. There are no traces of someone being by his side at all. It should make him feel something other than the coolness of the bed. The loneliness that usually settled in his skin should have appeared already. Instead, all Jongin can feel is the throbbing in his head and the emptiness of his heart.
"It's almost like I can't feel anything," Jongin scoffs as he clears his mind. He sits up and leans on the board with his eyes closed. He stops thinking of words and just clears his head to alleviate the pain he feels.
Jongin feels for his phone on the bed and when he finds it, he scrunches his eyebrows at the weird and heavy feeling in his hands. He opens his eyes and finds a black tattered-looking notebook in his hands.
Jongin glares at it, almost offensively, like everything that's wrong with this world is this notebook's fault. He only stops when being angry worsens his headache. He sighs and puts the notebook down to look for his phone.
He finds it on the floor, buried under a pile of his own clothes. As he picks up his clothes, he notices that there really isn't any trace of another person inside the room aside from him.
Jongin pulls on his boxer briefs and decides to look around, just to make sure he is in fact alone. The room isn't too big and the only place left to check is the bathroom. The door is ajar when Jongin finds it and he doesn't particularly remember using it the night before. He opens it and finds a towel on the floor and the shower and sink still wet.
Sighing, Jongin returns to the bed and checks his phone. It's still early enough that he doesn't have to be home yet but late enough that he's got messages from his roommate and band mates. The two from Jongdae are mostly asking if he's okay.
"Always the worry wart," Jongin comments as he replies.
Chanyeol sends one as well, asking if he's going to attend the band meeting tonight. Jongin rolls his eyes as he replies. It's not like he can miss a meeting that's going to take place at their apartment. He throws his phone on the far side of the bed and reaches for his pants. He finds his wallet in the back pocket, cash and cards still complete. There's an aspirin lodged somewhere deep inside and Jongin takes it.
There's nothing left to do in the room so Jongin decides to shower before leaving, the sticky feeling from last night finally making his skin crawl. When he's clean enough, Jongin looks at the clothes he wore from last night and begrudgingly puts them on. He chucks his phone and wallet in his back pockets, checks his keys in his front pockets and is about to turn away when he spots the black notebook on the bed. It stands out from the white sheets so much that it feels like it’s beckoning Jongin to come closer.
Jongin picks the notebook up, looks at it one last time and holds onto it as he exits the hotel room. He still has a minor headache and perusing the notebook might aggravate it. He decides to stop by a cafe to check on the notebook there, with some food and coffee by his side.
(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)
Jongin ignores the looks he receives as soon as steps inside the cafe. It's mostly quiet so he assumes people look because the bell rang as he opened the door. He tries not to think it's because of the way his clothes smell like booze and smoke. He steps up to the counter and orders his usual, smiling at the barista as she greets him brightly.
He takes a seat in a secluded corner of the cafe, choosing it so he can avoid interactions with unnecessary people. He props up the notebook on the small table and inspects its cover. It’s matte black, with wrinkles that look white from bending. At the bottom right corner, there are, what Jongin assumes, initials in English letters.
"D.K.," Jongin reads aloud. Jongin lifts the notebook and feels the engraved letters with the tips of his fingers. He wonders if these were the initials of the man he was with last night.
"Who else could it be?" Jongin mutters to himself, realizing how stupid it was to think the owner of this notebook would be someone else.
Jongin thinks about this D.K. person, tries to remember who he is. Jongin closes his eyes and taps his forehead with the notebook. He remembers drinking, getting drunk and then someone bumping into him.
"That's right," Jongin wonders aloud. "He was wearing a fan shirt for 5 Directions." Jongin thinks about it, trying to remember what this person looks like but comes up blank. He slaps his head with the notebook and before he can berate himself any further, a cheery barista calls his name.
Jongin gives up trying to remember the face of the man he slept with and eats his sandwich. The coffee he drinks along with it helps clear his mind of the fog left over by his hangover but doesn't help jog his memory of the man. He feels guilty for not remembering, but only because the man had left Jongin something to remember him by. If it were another person, Jongin's sure he wouldn't have felt guilty at all.
Without much of a choice, Jongin decides to treat it as any other one night stand and peruses the journal. The pages don't look as worn as the cover but have writings all over them. There are columns and spaces to separate sections of writing and Jongin starts from the top left corner of the notebook.
"The sky is blue, the leaves are green, the day is supposed to be, as beautiful as it seems, but deep within, deep inside of myself, there is a blackness that makes the day dim," Jongin reads aloud and then scoffs at the tacky rhyming. He continues to read the rest of the page, flipping over a few and confirms his suspicion that the notebook is indeed a poem journal.
Jongin doesn't know what compels him to do it but he finds himself reading all the poems written in every page. The words "D.K." use are simple and the lines are exceptionally short sometimes but when he sews them together, Jongin finds himself captivated with each poem that he reads. Each page mirrors D.K.'s growth. The further Jongin goes, the deeper he finds himself in D.K.'s thoughts, deeper in D.K.'s heart.
However, one poem has Jongin completely astounded.
"There is a man," Jongin reads aloud this time. "Who dances with strings, shining bright under the stars. He moves with grace, and holds the audience with his gaze. He uses his strings to communicate, his fingers to move them, and with that he holds my heart."
Jongin reads it again, quietly in his mind. He reads it again and again after that until he's got the poem memorized. Something about it, something about the words more than just draw Jongin in. It's almost as if...
"I've found my song," Jongin mumbles. "I've found it," he says a little more determined. "This is it." Jongin shakes the notebook in wonder. As if seeing the notebook in a new light, Jongin decides to read all the poems again, capturing each line with a new meaning.
The sky is blue,
The leaves are green,
The day is supposed to be,
As beautiful as it seems,
But deep within, deep inside of myself,
There is a blackness that makes the day dim.
The poem he once scoffed at now makes his heart ache, reading it as if he was D.K. himself that wrote it. He reads the rest of the notebook with that kind of mindset until he realizes that he has to go and tell his members about it. He shuts the notebook, grabs his almost empty cup of coffee and exits the cafe as fast as he can.
(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)
Jongin reaches his apartment in record time and he fumbles for his keys for a second before pausing at the door. Soft piano keys, gentle guitar strumming and mumbled singing filter through the thick wood and Jongin shakes his head as lets himself into his apartment. He chooses to walk to the living room, where the noise comes from, instead of greeting the others by the doorway.
Joonmyun stands in the middle of everyone, a keyboard in front of him. Sehun sits on the couch, playing one of Jongin's guitar to the melody of Joonmyun's piece. Jongdae sits with Sehun and Chanyeol on the long couch, humming. Chanyeol is the only one not making any noise, eyes closed, hands balled into a loose fist and wrist flicking every once in a while. It's a familiar sight to Jongin, the only thing that's changed is the music they play.
The notes Joonmyun's fingers make are soft and smooth. Sehun's guitar strums are careful, a little clumsy because he's better with a bass but they try to follow the melody Joonmyun makes. Jongdae's hums are quiet to match the song. They're halfway through the middle of the song and so Chanyeol's beating his imaginary drums a little more intensely. The only thing missing is Jongin's words.
"I'm back," Jongin says quietly, to disrupt the solemn mood the music's gotten them in.
"Oh, hey," Chanyeol greets with the widest smile, enveloping Jongin with a one arm hug. Sehun smiles up at him handing him his guitar and Jongin nods in thanks. Jongin greets Jongdae and Joonmyun before taking the love seat for his own.
"Is this a new song?" Jongin asks as he starts strumming his guitar.
Joonmyun chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding Jongin's eyes. He doesn't seem to want to answer so Jongin directs his gaze towards the others. Sehun and Chanyeol mumble something to themselves, looking as if they're in a conversation. It leaves Jongdae, who sighs but answers Jongin's question.
"We're just jamming." Jongdae keeps his eyes on his toes from where he's sitting on the couch.
Jongin frowns at his band mates' obvious discomfort but doesn't comment on it. He knows it will probably cause another fight and that's the last thing they need right now. He takes a deep breath and leans back on his chair, he looks up at Joonmyun even though the eldest has his eyes on the keyboard.
"I think we should add it," Jongin says simply, setting his guitar down to the side. He ignores the several incredulous looks and the one exaggerated gasp and smiles at his band mates.
"We don’t have to," Joonmyun quickly defends. "It’s really not why I wrote the song. I just wrote it today really. Something I did on the spot. Just for jamming purposes. You know? It’s not. It’s not for the album." Joonmyun bites his lip and rubs the back of his nape. He keeps his eyes firmly on the left side of his keyboard.
“And we’re not saying that just because you haven’t written any of the lyrics for the other songs yet,” Chanyeol adds and Jongdae whips his head to look at him. Jongin has to stifle a laugh when he catches Sehun elbow Chanyeol and Jongdae smack him on the back of his head.
“Dumbass,” Jongdae grumbles. He mumbles a few more things that Jongin barely catches but knows from the tone are reprimands.
Joonmyun sighs and walks to sit on the armrest of Jongin’s chair. Jongin looks at their leader, waits for him to speak before saying anything else. Joonmyun has his fingers laced together on his lap and a rueful smile.
“Sorry,” Joonmyun whispers. “The truth is I wrote that song a long time ago.” Joonmyun looks at Jongin for the first time since he got home. There’s so much guilt in Joonmyun’s expression. “It was the first song I’d written in our new music style, before we even talked about changing genres.”
Jongin gives Joonmyun a solemn smile. He’s just about to apologize when Joonmyun cuts him off.
“When Jongdae and I proposed the idea of changing styles because we finally found our music, it was that song that made our resolve strong. It was the song that helped us discover what kind of music we wanted to make.” There’s a faraway look in Joonmyun’s eyes, as if he’s seeing a memory and not Jongin himself. When his eyes look like they’re back in the present, Joonmyun smiles a little more kindly at Jongin. “We couldn’t just give it to you to write lyrics for, especially not in the state you’re in.”
Jongin nods in understanding. “For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. I just.” Jongin sighs finding a hard time looking for his words. “I was really okay with changing styles. I just wanted to play the guitar, write music and stuff. I didn’t expect it to be so hard.” Jongin covers his head with his hands. Joonmyun waits for him to continue speaking which leaves the living room a little quiet. The other three must’ve left the two of them alone.
“At the time, I just hadn’t found my song yet.” Jongin lifts his head up and his eyes meet with Joonmyun.
“At the time?”
“I think I finally found it,” Jongin declares, feeling a smile coming on. “I think I finally found my song.”
Joonmyun smiles and envelopes Jongin in a one-arm hug. “That’s great, Jongin!”
“But I have some bad news,” Jongin adds before any of them can start celebrating. “My song, isn’t exactly my song.”
Joonmyun gives Jongin a questioning look. “What do you mean?”
Jongin bites his lip as he pushes the poem journal to Joonmyun’s hands. “This is from the person I slept with last night. It’s a poem journal that has all the words I’ve ever wanted to say and more. It’s the perfect song book.”
“But it isn’t yours,” Joonmyun points out.
“It isn’t mine.”
“I thought you found your song?”
Jongin gives Joonmyun a mischievous smile. “Whoever owns this notebook is my song. Now, we just have to find him.”
Joonmyun gives Jongin a hard look. “You don’t know where he is?”
Jongin shakes his head.
“Do you know his name?”
Jongin thinks about it for a second before cringing and shaking his head again.
Joonmyun sighs. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. Yes I am.”
“But you still want to look for this guy?”
“It’s not like I can just use his poems to start writing lyrics, that’s illegal.” Joonmyun looks like he wants to say something but Jongin cuts him off. “Plus, if I can’t use his words, maybe he can help me find mine.”
Joonmyun looks at the tattered journal in his hands, then at Jongin with this hopeful look in his eyes. He knows more than anyone what it’s like not knowing the words or melody to a song in your head. The least he can do is find the person who will bring those out of Jongin. Joonmyun smiles at Jongin.
“Come on, let’s go ask the others for help. God knows we need it.”
Jongin smiles widely as he thanks Joonmyun, taking back the journal. Joonmyun just chuckles as he watches Jongin walk away. Jongin doesn’t bother asking his leader what he’s laughing about, too focused on finding D.K.
kyungsoo
Kyungsoo grumbles as he pushes his books back and out of the way in his sling bag. Despite the neat order of his things, he can't seem to find the one thing that he's looking for. As his panic steadily rises, Kyungsoo turns his bag over on the table. He bites his lip as his things fall out in a messy heap.
Kyungsoo frowns at the pile on the table, the black leather bound notebook missing from it. He checks his empty bag again, even feeling deep within the small pockets his notebook wouldn't fit in. When he comes up empty-handed, Kyungsoo settles for spreading out his pile, determined. He only stops when all his books and binder comes out spread out on the table and still the black notebook doesn't appear.
"Fuck," Kyungsoo mutters as he looks at his sorry mess.
"Hey."
Kyungsoo misses Baekhyun's greeting. All he can think about is his poem journal.
Baekhyun notices immediately that something is wrong. Kyungsoo, who's always uptight and neat, has his things strewn all over their table in the cafeteria. He looks around and finds no one to be suspicious for his friend's attitude.
"What's wrong?"
Kyungsoo gazes up to find his best friend seated beside him, a tray filled with food on the space before him. Baekhyun gives him a worried expression and Kyungsoo knows he must have looked pitiful.
"I lost my poem journal," Kyungsoo replies, his voice quivering just a little. He hates it when it does that, especially during crucial times. It makes him feel weak, makes him realize that he is weak. He takes a shaky breath. "I don't know where I left it."
As Kyungsoo returns his gaze on his things, Baekhyun follows the gesture. Just like Kyungsoo, Baekhyun doesn't see even a glimpse of black among them. Baekhyun looks back and forth towards Kyungsoo and his things and sighs. He rubs Kyungsoo's back as a gesture of comfort. It works somewhat, as Kyungsoo’s shoulders relax ever so slightly.
Kyungsoo takes another shaky breath and lets Baekhyun's hand comfort him a little. It helps ease his panic, making it lessen with each rub. After a few minutes, Kyungsoo finds himself calm enough to think rationally.
Baekhyun seems to notice this as well as he finally asks, "Where do you think you left it last?"
Kyungsoo opens his mouth to say he doesn't know but stops himself. He decides to really think about it.
"If you retraced your steps, maybe you'll remember," Baekhyun suggests and Kyungsoo nods.
"Before going to school, I went home to get changed," Kyungsoo starts. Baekhyun smirks from his side as he nudges Kyungsoo.
"Because you stayed out last night," Baekhyun teases. "With Jongin," he adds in a singsong whisper.
Kyungsoo ignores the teasing, choosing instead to focus on his memories.
"We were at a hotel," Kyungsoo whispers. As he takes each step back, the memories become a little more vivid. He finds himself remembering things and it makes his cheeks burn.
"And you did it," Baekhyun adds. He half-expects Kyungsoo to deny. When Kyungsoo doesn't, Baekhyun's jaw drops.
Kyungsoo doesn't bother explaining even though his cheeks start to flame from Baekhyun's accusation. He focuses on the situation at hand.
"I hadn't fallen asleep yet," Kyungsoo recounts tentatively, finally picking out a significant piece of memory. "And so I took out my journal..." Kyungsoo's eyes widen as he realizes what it means.
"You left it at the hotel?" Baekhyun asks and Kyungsoo looks at him with panic in his eyes.
"I did! I-I was in a hurry because my alarm rang and I must've forgotten to put it back in my bag. Fuck. What am I going to do?" Kyungsoo hysterically asks.
Baekhyun puts his hands on his friend's shoulders. "First, you're going to take a deep breath." Baekhyun takes a deep breath and Kyungsoo follows. "Or three." Kyungsoo readily obeys, which he only does when he's desperate.
"What time does your last class end?" Baekhyun asks as he fixes Kyungsoo's things for him.
"My class after lunch was cancelled so I'm free to go. Why?" Kyungsoo asks as he continues to take deep breaths.
Baekhyun smiles at him and hands him his bag. "Good because I've got no more classes as well. If you left it at the hotel this morning, chances are housekeeping may have found it."
Kyungsoo's eyes twinkle and he sighs in relief at Baekhyun's quick thinking.
"Baek," Kyungsoo starts, smiling softly. "I hate to admit but you're a genius."
Baekhyun laughs. "Only when you're in a state of panic, Kyungiepoo."
Kyungsoo lets Baekhyun's teasing slide this time, truly grateful for his best friend's help. Even as Baekhyun drags him out of the cafeteria, all Kyungsoo feels is relief.
(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)
The hotel in the morning looks a lot more pleasing than it did earlier on. The lights are still dim but the afternoon sun filters through the glass doors in a beautiful manner. The lobby still looks as bare as it did the first time Kyungsoo dropped by. Kyungsoo tries not to think about the reasons why it looks empty, shaking his head to clear it of anymore similar thoughts.
Kyungsoo walks toward the front desk with Baekhyun by his side. He hopes the lady doesn't remember him from his walk of shame earlier on. "Excuse me," he starts in a soft voice. From the corner of his eye, he can see Baekhyun roll his eyes.
The lady dweetly smiles at them. "Would you like to rent a room for the night? We have special offers for this time of day."
Baekhyun laughs in disbelief while Kyungsoo stands there dumbfounded, his jaw dropping just the slightest.
"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo says as Baekhyun keeps laughing beside him. "But we're not like that. Please, don't even imply anything like that." Kyungsoo shudders, as if to add a point.
"She thought," Baekhyun says in between laughter. "We were together." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and smiles at the lady who apologizes profusely.
"How may I help you then?" she asks, slightly flustered from her earlier mistake.
"I stayed here last night at room 204 and I was wondering if housekeeping may have picked up a black journal? It's a little tattered with my initials on the cover."
The lady nods her head and types something on her computer. It doesn't take long before she looks up at Kyungsoo with a small frown.
"I'm sorry but it doesn't seem to have been picked up by any of our staff."
Kyungsoo feels his panic come back and can't find it in him to say something.
"Is there any way we could check?" Baekhyun asks for Kyungsoo.
The lady shakes her head. "There's already a couple using the room and housekeeping has been through it already. If our staff found something, they are required to report it so we can record the item in our Lost and Found document."
Kyungsoo bites his lip and nods. All the panic has left his bones and only despair settles within him.
"If you stayed the night with someone, maybe that person has your journal," the lady suggests with a hopeful smile.
Kyungsoo's eyes widen in panic, dread, and a little bit of hope. He takes a few deep breaths to settle the panic inside of him. He barely even notices that Baekhyun's dragged him out of the lobby. Baekhyun's in the middle of a sentence when Kyungsoo pays attention.
"Jongin might have my journal?" Kyungsoo asks no one particular.
"Have you been listening to anything I've been saying?" Baekhyun asks instead of replying.
"Baekhyun, if Jongin has my journal, he might have read it," Kyungsoo cries, grabbing onto Baekhyun's shoulders and shaking him slightly. "He might've read it."
"Kyungsoo calm down," Baekhyun tries to butt in, stopping Kyungsoo from shaking him.
"But Baekhyun, half the things I wrote in my poem journal were about him. Baekhyun," Kyungsoo almost wails in panic.
Baekhyun sighs and pulls Kyungsoo hands off his shoulders. "Kyungsoo! Calm the fuck down!"
Baekhyun rarely raises his voice at Kyungsoo, so when he does, Kyungsoo immediately listens. "We're going back to the dorm, you're going to tell me everything that happened and then we'll consider all possible options, okay?"
Kyungsoo takes three deep breaths and nods. Baekhyun sighs and drags him along.
Kyungsoo can't help the feeling of something falling to the pit of his stomach at the idea of Jongin having his journal.
part ii
Title: Your words, My song
Genre: Romance, Drama, Comedy (i tried)
Rating: R
Side-Pairings: Suho/Chen, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it!Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Warnings: drunk sex, unprotected sex, references to a European boyband
Length: 12,560 words
Summary: Kyungsoo is the luckiest fanboy in the world. He gets to go to all of 5 Directions events and even gets to sleep with his favorite member. But when he loses more than his virginity that night, what will he do?
Notes: Thank you to my betas, who are my saving grace. Love you guys soooo much, mwah! I would also like to thank L for brainstorming with me and listening to my sudden bouts of bright ideas. To R who listened to my cries and wailing and continued to give me support. To wuxiing, I hope you like this despite the fact that I went sooooo far from the prompt OTL I do hope you appreciate rocker!Jongin :)
kyungsoo
The lights are bright and the screams are loud, but Kyungsoo loses himself in the rhythmic beats of the guitar. He loses himself with the ease of fingers moving over strings, in the chiseled jawline, toned arms and serious face. Kyungsoo loses himself in Jongin, 5 Directions' lead guitarist.
Jongin's skin shines from sweat and the way the lights hit him. Kyungsoo swallows the lump in his throat as he follows a bead of sweat fall down Jongin’s arms. Kyungsoo thanks the heavens that the band plays in clubs like these because Kyungsoo can see Jongin so close he can almost touch him.
Next to him, his best friend Baekhyun screams his head off as they begin to sing their encore song. He glances beside him and rolls his eyes when he spots tears in Baekhyun's eyes. He shakes his head and focuses back on Jongin who smiles as he starts strumming the song to their latest single.
Baekhyun absolutely loses it as he recognizes the song. Kyungsoo feels the same excitement, but reins in his desire to scream and sob. Baekhyun keeps shouting; he even flails as he starts sobbing, along with a few of the people up front.
The lead singer-Jongdae-laughs before he starts to sing. His voice echoes loudly in the club, as the rest of the crowd goes crazy. It's their latest single, Story Of Our Lives, from their third album, Midnight Hangovers.
Kyungsoo lets the tears fall as he watches a real smile cross Jongin's face. He only smiles when he's truly happy, and Kyungsoo has never seen one this close. In all the events that he's been to, Kyungsoo has only seen a ghost of that smile, because it's always been at a concert hall, with his seat meters away. Here at the club, Jongin's smile stands out under the colored lights, brighter than the stage lights. Love has never looked so beautiful.
(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)
Kyungsoo fans himself as they settle into the bar located at the corner of the club. Most of the crowd gathered by the stage has dispersed to mingle as 5 Directions gets off the stage. Kyungsoo sits on one of the stools and orders a beer. Baekhyun takes the seat beside him with a look in his eyes and a dreamy sigh on his lips. Kyungsoo takes a long swig of his beer and braces himself for the gushing.
Baekhyun talks his ear off with random spazzing over everything. Most of the words that come through Kyungsoo's ears are 'Jongdae' and 'hot, awesome, cool'. He stops paying attention halfway through the 'Jongdae's like a god...' fearing his hearing may suffer. When Baekhyun finally stops, Kyungsoo just barely catches his question.
"What?" Kyungsoo asks, finally paying attention. Baekhyun doesn't seem to notice that Kyungsoo has stopped listening.
"I was asking if you wanted to go home." Baekhyun rolls his eyes but waits for Kyungsoo's reply.
Kyungsoo checks the time on his phone and grimaces when he spots it's almost 2AM. "It's this late?"
Baekhyun barks out a laugh. "I know. What’s even more surprising is that you're not begging to go home yet."
Kyungsoo scowls and glares at Baekhyun. He turns back to his almost finished beer and swirls the bottle. "Do you wanna go home?"
Baekhyun fakes a gasp. "My my, is honor student Do Kyungsoo suggesting we stay out and go clubbing?"
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and takes a final swig of his beer. "I wasn't suggesting anything. I was asking if you wanted to go home. If you don't, then I don't mind staying." Kyungsoo shrugged. "Classes just started and it's my final year. I want to take it easy for as long as possible."
Baekhyun laughs as he wraps his arms around Kyungsoo's shoulders. "Aww don't be so grumpy, Kyungiepoo. We should probably go though. I've got a pain in the ass prof tomorrow. And she's my first class." Baekhyun groans and Kyungsoo nods in understanding.
"Okay, let's go."
jongin
"Bye motherfuckers, I'm going to get drunk!" Jongin hollers as he walks out of the dressing room. He can vaguely hear Jongdae's voice calling after him, but he doesn't stop sauntering over to the bar.
Jongin smiles kindly at the ladies throwing themselves at him before gently pushing them away. He's not drunk enough to want to get laid yet. He shakes his head at the women before taking the last few steps to the bar. He takes a seat at the farthest corner where he can remain unnoticed thanks to the dim lighting. He's shed the shiny glittering stage clothes to something dark and plain. He orders the strongest alcohol he can think of and downs it in one go.
Jongin welcomes the burning sensation sliding down his throat and settling in his stomach. The warmth comes not a minute too soon, spreading over his chest and arms. The heat that comes with the bar's atmosphere does little to cool him down but that's okay. Jongin orders five more drinks and downs them just like he did the first time.
Jongin knows he's drunk when he can hear himself giggle at absolutely nothing. He doesn't know how many shots he’s taken. No one's talking to him and he's slightly surprised none of his band members have come to pick him up. Thinking of how stupid his band mates are, he laughs.
"Are you okay?" someone asks as they bump shoulders with him. Jongin shakes his head to clear his vision but nothing happens. All he can see is a blur of lights and people and this person in front of him wearing what looks like a fan shirt of his band. He laughs again leaning onto the person.
"You a fan?" Jongin finds himself asking as he settles his head on the stranger's shoulder. The person seems to stiffen, but Jongin can't be too sure. It's quiet for a second so Jongin closes his eyes and inhales the scent of the stranger. It's a mixture of sweat, smoke and some musk he isn't familiar with. It's light enough that it doesn't make him dizzy. A whisper filters through Jongin's ears but he can't decipher what it says. He ignores it and leans most of his body weight on the stranger.
"...leave it to you, then," someone says, the voice sounding familiar. It's the only thing Jongin catches before pulling himself back up. He squints his eyes at the direction the voice came from but all he can see is the back of someone walking away. He can't tell who it is.
"Is there anywhere you want to go to?" the person whispers in his ears. Maybe he said it loud enough and it felt like a whisper. Jongin can't be too sure. He squints his eyes again at the person before him. His hands come up to feel him through his shirt.
Flat. He thinks. He concludes there's a high chance the stranger before him is male. He slides his hands down a little to the soft stomach and the jutting hipbones. It doesn't escape his notice how hard and straight the lines of the body seem to be. Definitely male.
There's a shudder as he slides his hand up the stranger's sides. He brings the body closer to him, standing up on shaky legs so they're pressed right against each other. He tries to look at the face of the man before him, squinting when all he sees is a blur of white and black and maybe some pink. He gives up trying to focus when his head starts to pound. If he's drunk enough he can't even tell the face of the person in front of him, he doesn't mind wanting to hold this body through the night.
"Hotel," Jongin whispers right by the stranger's ears. He revels in the shivers that rake the body in his arms.
Jongin doesn't know or hear what the stranger replies, but the person seems to know what he's doing as he leads Jongin away from the club. It's a short walk to the hotel, as there's loads of them located near the club. Jongin finds himself in a quiet cool room soon enough. There are two beds in the middle of the room separated by a night stand. The windows are floor to ceiling types that have curtains drawn over them. There's barely any light in the room and it's just the way Jongin likes it.
When the door clicks shut, Jongin pushes the man against the door, locking it in the process and captures those soft lips with his own.
(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)
The touch of another person's lips has never felt this good or soft to Jongin. Jongin leans even closer, laying himself flat against the warm body and sucking those soft lips into his mouth.
The body beneath him moans and Jongin feels a rush come over him. He pulls away and hurriedly undresses the both of them, not wasting another minute to feel the warmth of skin against his own. Jongin sighs as he holds the body beneath him, placing open mouthed kisses by the side of his neck.
"So smooth," Jongin comments as the person moans his name.
Jongin's blood rushes down south and he grinds his hips against the stranger's thighs.
"Jongin," the person pleads, saying his name over and over again. Jongin gets drunk on the deep tenor of his voice that he doesn't notice the soft hands on his chest pushing him away.
"What?" Jongin finds himself asking as he rests his weight on his arms. Jongin can't see the face under him. He can only hear and feel. The stranger pants as he slides his hands down Jongin's chest.
"I-" the stranger stutters. Jongin smirks at him, finding the stutter cute. Jongin closes his eyes and leans a little closer. He takes the hand on his chest and presses his lips on the inside of the stranger's palm.
"Shhhh," Jongin says as he kisses the wrist. He leaves a trail of kisses until he's by the stranger's ears, whispering, "You can tell me what you want."
"Please," the stranger begins softly, but sounding so sweet in Jongin's ear. Such a wonderful tone, Jongin thinks. "It's my first time."
Jongin's mind blanks. He stays in that position for what feels like an eternity as those words sinks in.
"Jongin," the deep voice calls him back to reality. Jongin feels a confident smile settle on his lips before he eases his face into a more gentle look. He leans back up and stares at the face of the person before him with unseeing eyes. All Jongin can see is the darkness, white skin that shines in the dark room and black hair.
Jongin strokes the cheek of the person before him. He leans down and kisses him on the forehead. "I promise-" he presses his lips at the top of the stranger's nose. "-to be gentle."
Jongin takes a second before he captures those lips with his own. He caresses the skin with the tips of his fingers before pulling the stranger close. He'll do good on his promise. He'll be gentle and he'll be the best night this guy will ever have.
Jongin leaves gentle kisses on his skin and whispers sweet lies whenever he pulls away. He strokes him with careful attention and prepares him in a torturously slow pace. This is the best way Jongin can be gentle.
It isn't until the stranger begs him that Jongin stops preparing him. He lubes up his cock and slides in the tight entrance. Jongin drinks in the moans and groans as he strokes the other's cock to distract him from the pain. Even as he's settled in, Jongin continues to stroke his partner's cock. Jongin leans down and kisses those soft lips once more to help him relax.
The person grips Jongin's arm and mumbles something against his lips. It sounds a lot like please to Jongin and he smirks into the kiss despite himself. Jongin doesn't pull away as he pulls out slowly and thrusts back in just as slow. It's the slowest pace he's ever settled but he doesn't hurry. He only fastens his pace when he hears little whimpers of faster coming from beneath him.
When the person screams his name as he comes, Jongin knows he's fulfilled at least of one of his promises for the night. Jongin comes at the same time to the sound, spilling himself inside of the person's warmth. The sound of heavy breathing echoes in his ear and he waits until the body beneath him stops trembling to pull out.
Jongin rolls over on the other side of the bed and wraps himself with the blanket. Jongin knows he promised to be gentle but the rest of the promises he whispered on the skin of the body beside him were and will always be just lies.
Jongin falls asleep to a heaviness on his back. It doesn't feel like a body pressed up against him. It feels like the weight of a stare, or the guilt one drowns in before sleep comes and takes them away.
kyungsoo
Kyungsoo stares at the back of the idol he loves. It's as broad and as beautiful as he had always imagined it would be. Even in the darkness of the room, it looks ethereal. Something about the way the blanket slips off of his arms looks like perfection.
Kyungsoo ignores the pang in his heart as he memorizes the image. He tries to ignore the way Jongin didn't hold him as he slept. He ignores the way his heart hurts more than his body. He thinks of Jongin, the way his guitar sounds and how gentle he was that night. Kyungsoo focuses on that and not at the way his heart falls apart.
Before he can cry, Kyungsoo looks over by the bed and finds his bag. He sighs in relief when he spots it close to his side, thankful he won't need to walk to get to it. He finds an almost tattered black notebook inside and grabs it. He flips to the first blank page somewhere in the middle. There's a pen stuck on the cover of the notebook and he uncaps it.
At first, Kyungsoo just taps the pen on the paper. All the words inside his head are a jumbled mess and it's difficult to make sense of things when he feels so many contrasting emotions. He takes a deep breath and tries to clear his head. He closes his eyes and imagines a wind blowing away his thoughts. When he opens his them, Kyungsoo looks around the room, finding he can finally make sense of his feelings. He looks at Jongin, his sleeping form still quiet in the dead of the night and writes on his notebook.
Bit by bit, Kyungsoo bares his heart and soul with words on paper. He writes carelessly and freely, feeling like losing himself in his own writing. This is the closest Kyungsoo will come to crying. With his pen as his eyes and the words as his tears, together with his heart, Kyungsoo makes a poem.
Kyungsoo closes his notebook and sighs. He pulls his knees up and rests his head against it. He doesn't know what time it is and he's pretty sure soon his alarm will ring. But a part of him doesn't want to leave the still warm sheets and the cold room.
A phone rings from somewhere on the floor and startles Kyungsoo, who pushes his things to the side and grabs his bag. Finding his phone, he quickly shuts off the alarm, silence echoing in the room as the sound dies. Kyungsoo sighs as he slumps back into the pillows. He looks at the time on his phone and his eyes widen when he realizes what the alarm is for.
"Shit shit shit," Kyungsoo mutters as he crawls off the bed. The sticky feeling still lingers on his skin, especially on his lower regions. He sighs as he makes his way to the shower and takes a quick one.
Kyungsoo rushes out, pulling his clothes on even as they reek of beer, smoke, and sex. He ignores it and stuffs the things he can't wear inside his bag. He doesn't turn back as he leaves the room. He closes the door as softly as possible and runs out of the hotel clutching his bag close to his side.
jongin
Jongin wakes up with a throbbing head and an empty bed. The rhyme, although unexpected, is not completely unwanted. It almost makes him feel like he can write songs again. He lies on his back with his eyes closed and tries to string a few words together.
Throbbing head, empty bed, Jongin loops the words in his mind before giving up with the line of thought. He comes up blank for a few seconds but Jongin doesn't want to give up. It's been a while since he felt like this, like he could feel something. Jongin thinks of a few words that match with how he feels.
Jongin is all alone in a hotel room. The body that was beside him last night is no longer there. From where Jongin's palm lays flat, all he can feel is the cool sheets. There are no traces of someone being by his side at all. It should make him feel something other than the coolness of the bed. The loneliness that usually settled in his skin should have appeared already. Instead, all Jongin can feel is the throbbing in his head and the emptiness of his heart.
"It's almost like I can't feel anything," Jongin scoffs as he clears his mind. He sits up and leans on the board with his eyes closed. He stops thinking of words and just clears his head to alleviate the pain he feels.
Jongin feels for his phone on the bed and when he finds it, he scrunches his eyebrows at the weird and heavy feeling in his hands. He opens his eyes and finds a black tattered-looking notebook in his hands.
Jongin glares at it, almost offensively, like everything that's wrong with this world is this notebook's fault. He only stops when being angry worsens his headache. He sighs and puts the notebook down to look for his phone.
He finds it on the floor, buried under a pile of his own clothes. As he picks up his clothes, he notices that there really isn't any trace of another person inside the room aside from him.
Jongin pulls on his boxer briefs and decides to look around, just to make sure he is in fact alone. The room isn't too big and the only place left to check is the bathroom. The door is ajar when Jongin finds it and he doesn't particularly remember using it the night before. He opens it and finds a towel on the floor and the shower and sink still wet.
Sighing, Jongin returns to the bed and checks his phone. It's still early enough that he doesn't have to be home yet but late enough that he's got messages from his roommate and band mates. The two from Jongdae are mostly asking if he's okay.
"Always the worry wart," Jongin comments as he replies.
Chanyeol sends one as well, asking if he's going to attend the band meeting tonight. Jongin rolls his eyes as he replies. It's not like he can miss a meeting that's going to take place at their apartment. He throws his phone on the far side of the bed and reaches for his pants. He finds his wallet in the back pocket, cash and cards still complete. There's an aspirin lodged somewhere deep inside and Jongin takes it.
There's nothing left to do in the room so Jongin decides to shower before leaving, the sticky feeling from last night finally making his skin crawl. When he's clean enough, Jongin looks at the clothes he wore from last night and begrudgingly puts them on. He chucks his phone and wallet in his back pockets, checks his keys in his front pockets and is about to turn away when he spots the black notebook on the bed. It stands out from the white sheets so much that it feels like it’s beckoning Jongin to come closer.
Jongin picks the notebook up, looks at it one last time and holds onto it as he exits the hotel room. He still has a minor headache and perusing the notebook might aggravate it. He decides to stop by a cafe to check on the notebook there, with some food and coffee by his side.
(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)
Jongin ignores the looks he receives as soon as steps inside the cafe. It's mostly quiet so he assumes people look because the bell rang as he opened the door. He tries not to think it's because of the way his clothes smell like booze and smoke. He steps up to the counter and orders his usual, smiling at the barista as she greets him brightly.
He takes a seat in a secluded corner of the cafe, choosing it so he can avoid interactions with unnecessary people. He props up the notebook on the small table and inspects its cover. It’s matte black, with wrinkles that look white from bending. At the bottom right corner, there are, what Jongin assumes, initials in English letters.
"D.K.," Jongin reads aloud. Jongin lifts the notebook and feels the engraved letters with the tips of his fingers. He wonders if these were the initials of the man he was with last night.
"Who else could it be?" Jongin mutters to himself, realizing how stupid it was to think the owner of this notebook would be someone else.
Jongin thinks about this D.K. person, tries to remember who he is. Jongin closes his eyes and taps his forehead with the notebook. He remembers drinking, getting drunk and then someone bumping into him.
"That's right," Jongin wonders aloud. "He was wearing a fan shirt for 5 Directions." Jongin thinks about it, trying to remember what this person looks like but comes up blank. He slaps his head with the notebook and before he can berate himself any further, a cheery barista calls his name.
Jongin gives up trying to remember the face of the man he slept with and eats his sandwich. The coffee he drinks along with it helps clear his mind of the fog left over by his hangover but doesn't help jog his memory of the man. He feels guilty for not remembering, but only because the man had left Jongin something to remember him by. If it were another person, Jongin's sure he wouldn't have felt guilty at all.
Without much of a choice, Jongin decides to treat it as any other one night stand and peruses the journal. The pages don't look as worn as the cover but have writings all over them. There are columns and spaces to separate sections of writing and Jongin starts from the top left corner of the notebook.
"The sky is blue, the leaves are green, the day is supposed to be, as beautiful as it seems, but deep within, deep inside of myself, there is a blackness that makes the day dim," Jongin reads aloud and then scoffs at the tacky rhyming. He continues to read the rest of the page, flipping over a few and confirms his suspicion that the notebook is indeed a poem journal.
Jongin doesn't know what compels him to do it but he finds himself reading all the poems written in every page. The words "D.K." use are simple and the lines are exceptionally short sometimes but when he sews them together, Jongin finds himself captivated with each poem that he reads. Each page mirrors D.K.'s growth. The further Jongin goes, the deeper he finds himself in D.K.'s thoughts, deeper in D.K.'s heart.
However, one poem has Jongin completely astounded.
"There is a man," Jongin reads aloud this time. "Who dances with strings, shining bright under the stars. He moves with grace, and holds the audience with his gaze. He uses his strings to communicate, his fingers to move them, and with that he holds my heart."
Jongin reads it again, quietly in his mind. He reads it again and again after that until he's got the poem memorized. Something about it, something about the words more than just draw Jongin in. It's almost as if...
"I've found my song," Jongin mumbles. "I've found it," he says a little more determined. "This is it." Jongin shakes the notebook in wonder. As if seeing the notebook in a new light, Jongin decides to read all the poems again, capturing each line with a new meaning.
The sky is blue,
The leaves are green,
The day is supposed to be,
As beautiful as it seems,
But deep within, deep inside of myself,
There is a blackness that makes the day dim.
The poem he once scoffed at now makes his heart ache, reading it as if he was D.K. himself that wrote it. He reads the rest of the notebook with that kind of mindset until he realizes that he has to go and tell his members about it. He shuts the notebook, grabs his almost empty cup of coffee and exits the cafe as fast as he can.
(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)
Jongin reaches his apartment in record time and he fumbles for his keys for a second before pausing at the door. Soft piano keys, gentle guitar strumming and mumbled singing filter through the thick wood and Jongin shakes his head as lets himself into his apartment. He chooses to walk to the living room, where the noise comes from, instead of greeting the others by the doorway.
Joonmyun stands in the middle of everyone, a keyboard in front of him. Sehun sits on the couch, playing one of Jongin's guitar to the melody of Joonmyun's piece. Jongdae sits with Sehun and Chanyeol on the long couch, humming. Chanyeol is the only one not making any noise, eyes closed, hands balled into a loose fist and wrist flicking every once in a while. It's a familiar sight to Jongin, the only thing that's changed is the music they play.
The notes Joonmyun's fingers make are soft and smooth. Sehun's guitar strums are careful, a little clumsy because he's better with a bass but they try to follow the melody Joonmyun makes. Jongdae's hums are quiet to match the song. They're halfway through the middle of the song and so Chanyeol's beating his imaginary drums a little more intensely. The only thing missing is Jongin's words.
"I'm back," Jongin says quietly, to disrupt the solemn mood the music's gotten them in.
"Oh, hey," Chanyeol greets with the widest smile, enveloping Jongin with a one arm hug. Sehun smiles up at him handing him his guitar and Jongin nods in thanks. Jongin greets Jongdae and Joonmyun before taking the love seat for his own.
"Is this a new song?" Jongin asks as he starts strumming his guitar.
Joonmyun chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and avoiding Jongin's eyes. He doesn't seem to want to answer so Jongin directs his gaze towards the others. Sehun and Chanyeol mumble something to themselves, looking as if they're in a conversation. It leaves Jongdae, who sighs but answers Jongin's question.
"We're just jamming." Jongdae keeps his eyes on his toes from where he's sitting on the couch.
Jongin frowns at his band mates' obvious discomfort but doesn't comment on it. He knows it will probably cause another fight and that's the last thing they need right now. He takes a deep breath and leans back on his chair, he looks up at Joonmyun even though the eldest has his eyes on the keyboard.
"I think we should add it," Jongin says simply, setting his guitar down to the side. He ignores the several incredulous looks and the one exaggerated gasp and smiles at his band mates.
"We don’t have to," Joonmyun quickly defends. "It’s really not why I wrote the song. I just wrote it today really. Something I did on the spot. Just for jamming purposes. You know? It’s not. It’s not for the album." Joonmyun bites his lip and rubs the back of his nape. He keeps his eyes firmly on the left side of his keyboard.
“And we’re not saying that just because you haven’t written any of the lyrics for the other songs yet,” Chanyeol adds and Jongdae whips his head to look at him. Jongin has to stifle a laugh when he catches Sehun elbow Chanyeol and Jongdae smack him on the back of his head.
“Dumbass,” Jongdae grumbles. He mumbles a few more things that Jongin barely catches but knows from the tone are reprimands.
Joonmyun sighs and walks to sit on the armrest of Jongin’s chair. Jongin looks at their leader, waits for him to speak before saying anything else. Joonmyun has his fingers laced together on his lap and a rueful smile.
“Sorry,” Joonmyun whispers. “The truth is I wrote that song a long time ago.” Joonmyun looks at Jongin for the first time since he got home. There’s so much guilt in Joonmyun’s expression. “It was the first song I’d written in our new music style, before we even talked about changing genres.”
Jongin gives Joonmyun a solemn smile. He’s just about to apologize when Joonmyun cuts him off.
“When Jongdae and I proposed the idea of changing styles because we finally found our music, it was that song that made our resolve strong. It was the song that helped us discover what kind of music we wanted to make.” There’s a faraway look in Joonmyun’s eyes, as if he’s seeing a memory and not Jongin himself. When his eyes look like they’re back in the present, Joonmyun smiles a little more kindly at Jongin. “We couldn’t just give it to you to write lyrics for, especially not in the state you’re in.”
Jongin nods in understanding. “For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. I just.” Jongin sighs finding a hard time looking for his words. “I was really okay with changing styles. I just wanted to play the guitar, write music and stuff. I didn’t expect it to be so hard.” Jongin covers his head with his hands. Joonmyun waits for him to continue speaking which leaves the living room a little quiet. The other three must’ve left the two of them alone.
“At the time, I just hadn’t found my song yet.” Jongin lifts his head up and his eyes meet with Joonmyun.
“At the time?”
“I think I finally found it,” Jongin declares, feeling a smile coming on. “I think I finally found my song.”
Joonmyun smiles and envelopes Jongin in a one-arm hug. “That’s great, Jongin!”
“But I have some bad news,” Jongin adds before any of them can start celebrating. “My song, isn’t exactly my song.”
Joonmyun gives Jongin a questioning look. “What do you mean?”
Jongin bites his lip as he pushes the poem journal to Joonmyun’s hands. “This is from the person I slept with last night. It’s a poem journal that has all the words I’ve ever wanted to say and more. It’s the perfect song book.”
“But it isn’t yours,” Joonmyun points out.
“It isn’t mine.”
“I thought you found your song?”
Jongin gives Joonmyun a mischievous smile. “Whoever owns this notebook is my song. Now, we just have to find him.”
Joonmyun gives Jongin a hard look. “You don’t know where he is?”
Jongin shakes his head.
“Do you know his name?”
Jongin thinks about it for a second before cringing and shaking his head again.
Joonmyun sighs. “Are you serious?”
“Yes. Yes I am.”
“But you still want to look for this guy?”
“It’s not like I can just use his poems to start writing lyrics, that’s illegal.” Joonmyun looks like he wants to say something but Jongin cuts him off. “Plus, if I can’t use his words, maybe he can help me find mine.”
Joonmyun looks at the tattered journal in his hands, then at Jongin with this hopeful look in his eyes. He knows more than anyone what it’s like not knowing the words or melody to a song in your head. The least he can do is find the person who will bring those out of Jongin. Joonmyun smiles at Jongin.
“Come on, let’s go ask the others for help. God knows we need it.”
Jongin smiles widely as he thanks Joonmyun, taking back the journal. Joonmyun just chuckles as he watches Jongin walk away. Jongin doesn’t bother asking his leader what he’s laughing about, too focused on finding D.K.
kyungsoo
Kyungsoo grumbles as he pushes his books back and out of the way in his sling bag. Despite the neat order of his things, he can't seem to find the one thing that he's looking for. As his panic steadily rises, Kyungsoo turns his bag over on the table. He bites his lip as his things fall out in a messy heap.
Kyungsoo frowns at the pile on the table, the black leather bound notebook missing from it. He checks his empty bag again, even feeling deep within the small pockets his notebook wouldn't fit in. When he comes up empty-handed, Kyungsoo settles for spreading out his pile, determined. He only stops when all his books and binder comes out spread out on the table and still the black notebook doesn't appear.
"Fuck," Kyungsoo mutters as he looks at his sorry mess.
"Hey."
Kyungsoo misses Baekhyun's greeting. All he can think about is his poem journal.
Baekhyun notices immediately that something is wrong. Kyungsoo, who's always uptight and neat, has his things strewn all over their table in the cafeteria. He looks around and finds no one to be suspicious for his friend's attitude.
"What's wrong?"
Kyungsoo gazes up to find his best friend seated beside him, a tray filled with food on the space before him. Baekhyun gives him a worried expression and Kyungsoo knows he must have looked pitiful.
"I lost my poem journal," Kyungsoo replies, his voice quivering just a little. He hates it when it does that, especially during crucial times. It makes him feel weak, makes him realize that he is weak. He takes a shaky breath. "I don't know where I left it."
As Kyungsoo returns his gaze on his things, Baekhyun follows the gesture. Just like Kyungsoo, Baekhyun doesn't see even a glimpse of black among them. Baekhyun looks back and forth towards Kyungsoo and his things and sighs. He rubs Kyungsoo's back as a gesture of comfort. It works somewhat, as Kyungsoo’s shoulders relax ever so slightly.
Kyungsoo takes another shaky breath and lets Baekhyun's hand comfort him a little. It helps ease his panic, making it lessen with each rub. After a few minutes, Kyungsoo finds himself calm enough to think rationally.
Baekhyun seems to notice this as well as he finally asks, "Where do you think you left it last?"
Kyungsoo opens his mouth to say he doesn't know but stops himself. He decides to really think about it.
"If you retraced your steps, maybe you'll remember," Baekhyun suggests and Kyungsoo nods.
"Before going to school, I went home to get changed," Kyungsoo starts. Baekhyun smirks from his side as he nudges Kyungsoo.
"Because you stayed out last night," Baekhyun teases. "With Jongin," he adds in a singsong whisper.
Kyungsoo ignores the teasing, choosing instead to focus on his memories.
"We were at a hotel," Kyungsoo whispers. As he takes each step back, the memories become a little more vivid. He finds himself remembering things and it makes his cheeks burn.
"And you did it," Baekhyun adds. He half-expects Kyungsoo to deny. When Kyungsoo doesn't, Baekhyun's jaw drops.
Kyungsoo doesn't bother explaining even though his cheeks start to flame from Baekhyun's accusation. He focuses on the situation at hand.
"I hadn't fallen asleep yet," Kyungsoo recounts tentatively, finally picking out a significant piece of memory. "And so I took out my journal..." Kyungsoo's eyes widen as he realizes what it means.
"You left it at the hotel?" Baekhyun asks and Kyungsoo looks at him with panic in his eyes.
"I did! I-I was in a hurry because my alarm rang and I must've forgotten to put it back in my bag. Fuck. What am I going to do?" Kyungsoo hysterically asks.
Baekhyun puts his hands on his friend's shoulders. "First, you're going to take a deep breath." Baekhyun takes a deep breath and Kyungsoo follows. "Or three." Kyungsoo readily obeys, which he only does when he's desperate.
"What time does your last class end?" Baekhyun asks as he fixes Kyungsoo's things for him.
"My class after lunch was cancelled so I'm free to go. Why?" Kyungsoo asks as he continues to take deep breaths.
Baekhyun smiles at him and hands him his bag. "Good because I've got no more classes as well. If you left it at the hotel this morning, chances are housekeeping may have found it."
Kyungsoo's eyes twinkle and he sighs in relief at Baekhyun's quick thinking.
"Baek," Kyungsoo starts, smiling softly. "I hate to admit but you're a genius."
Baekhyun laughs. "Only when you're in a state of panic, Kyungiepoo."
Kyungsoo lets Baekhyun's teasing slide this time, truly grateful for his best friend's help. Even as Baekhyun drags him out of the cafeteria, all Kyungsoo feels is relief.
(♧◑ω◑)☞♡☜(◐ω◐♧)
The hotel in the morning looks a lot more pleasing than it did earlier on. The lights are still dim but the afternoon sun filters through the glass doors in a beautiful manner. The lobby still looks as bare as it did the first time Kyungsoo dropped by. Kyungsoo tries not to think about the reasons why it looks empty, shaking his head to clear it of anymore similar thoughts.
Kyungsoo walks toward the front desk with Baekhyun by his side. He hopes the lady doesn't remember him from his walk of shame earlier on. "Excuse me," he starts in a soft voice. From the corner of his eye, he can see Baekhyun roll his eyes.
The lady dweetly smiles at them. "Would you like to rent a room for the night? We have special offers for this time of day."
Baekhyun laughs in disbelief while Kyungsoo stands there dumbfounded, his jaw dropping just the slightest.
"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo says as Baekhyun keeps laughing beside him. "But we're not like that. Please, don't even imply anything like that." Kyungsoo shudders, as if to add a point.
"She thought," Baekhyun says in between laughter. "We were together." Kyungsoo rolls his eyes and smiles at the lady who apologizes profusely.
"How may I help you then?" she asks, slightly flustered from her earlier mistake.
"I stayed here last night at room 204 and I was wondering if housekeeping may have picked up a black journal? It's a little tattered with my initials on the cover."
The lady nods her head and types something on her computer. It doesn't take long before she looks up at Kyungsoo with a small frown.
"I'm sorry but it doesn't seem to have been picked up by any of our staff."
Kyungsoo feels his panic come back and can't find it in him to say something.
"Is there any way we could check?" Baekhyun asks for Kyungsoo.
The lady shakes her head. "There's already a couple using the room and housekeeping has been through it already. If our staff found something, they are required to report it so we can record the item in our Lost and Found document."
Kyungsoo bites his lip and nods. All the panic has left his bones and only despair settles within him.
"If you stayed the night with someone, maybe that person has your journal," the lady suggests with a hopeful smile.
Kyungsoo's eyes widen in panic, dread, and a little bit of hope. He takes a few deep breaths to settle the panic inside of him. He barely even notices that Baekhyun's dragged him out of the lobby. Baekhyun's in the middle of a sentence when Kyungsoo pays attention.
"Jongin might have my journal?" Kyungsoo asks no one particular.
"Have you been listening to anything I've been saying?" Baekhyun asks instead of replying.
"Baekhyun, if Jongin has my journal, he might have read it," Kyungsoo cries, grabbing onto Baekhyun's shoulders and shaking him slightly. "He might've read it."
"Kyungsoo calm down," Baekhyun tries to butt in, stopping Kyungsoo from shaking him.
"But Baekhyun, half the things I wrote in my poem journal were about him. Baekhyun," Kyungsoo almost wails in panic.
Baekhyun sighs and pulls Kyungsoo hands off his shoulders. "Kyungsoo! Calm the fuck down!"
Baekhyun rarely raises his voice at Kyungsoo, so when he does, Kyungsoo immediately listens. "We're going back to the dorm, you're going to tell me everything that happened and then we'll consider all possible options, okay?"
Kyungsoo takes three deep breaths and nods. Baekhyun sighs and drags him along.
Kyungsoo can't help the feeling of something falling to the pit of his stomach at the idea of Jongin having his journal.
part ii