AB/BtVS FF: Living Underground 7/?
TITLE: Living Underground
AUTHOR: 38gnihsurc
RATING: en.sea.xvii overall
PAIRING: Willow/Asher, slight Willow/Richard and Willow/Asher/Nathaniel... plus, regular Anita pairings
SPOILERS: For the two fandoms... up until Micah for AB; the two series for Buffyverse stuff.
WARNINGS: A little bit of BDSM.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone, except the Master of the City of Lafayette and her entourage.
NOTES: This story is a sequel to "Alive at Last."
Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4-6
PART SEVEN
"I cannot convince you to join me?"
Willow struggled against a smile and lost. She turned around while still braiding her hair, to look down at Asher, who was soaking in the large tub; she felt a pull of desire, as she always did, when her eyes travelled over his body and met his own eyes.
"I've got a lot on my mind right now," she said in a quiet voice. "And... I think I should just... think it all over."
Asher leaned forward, towards her. "You cannot think in the water?"
The witch walked over to the tub and sat on its edge. She kissed Asher's forehead once, before he moved and caught her lips in a kiss, and then she smiled and touched his cheek with one of her hands.
"If I get in that water, you'll keep me distracted," she said in an accusatory tone of voice. "And... I want to get in the water... but... seeing Buffy again..." she trailed off and then started to nibble on her lower lip. "Is it okay?"
The blond vampire reached up and brushed one of his wet hands against her cheek. He cupped her face one-handed as he spoke, his fingertips teasing her hairline and ear. "I suspect it is not 'okay,' mon colibri," he murmured. "She hurt you... they hurt you once, before you left them, and it looks like they will attempt it again. They do not understand how you felt... and how you feel now." A frown flickered across his face. "If you wished to leave, I wouldn't stand in your---"
"I am not leaving with them," she said in a firm voice. "Asher... don't ever think... no. I ended up here for a reason," she said, her voice softening around its edges. "I don't want to leave. I don't want to go back to the coven and be a prisoner---or worse. I don't want them to be afraid of me. I don't want everyone to look at me the way they did before I left them."
He brushed his thumb over her lower lip. "Then, I will do everything in my power to keep you here," he whispered.
"Thank you," she whispered back.
"She was your best friend," he said quietly, "I know this is hard for you."
Willow frowned. "It's beyond hard, Asher," she mumbled. "I... she and Xander were my family. When they stopped treating me like a normal person, it hurt so much I had to leave them. I ran away because I didn't know what else to do! What sort of... yellow-bellied chicken---"
"You are not... those things," he cut in. "She believes you have turned into an enemy. She believed, then, that you were on the wrong life path. I do not think you could have done anything to persuade her that you were safe and sound." He leaned up towards her and gently kissed her lips again. "You have difficulties to deal with---and I know I do not help... our pentumvirate does not help---but you are stronger than they think you are. We will convince them to leave."
"Don't blame yourself---or the pentumvirate," she murmured. "I'm glad I'm your human servant, Asher. And, I'm glad I'm part of something that's bigger than myself." She shrugged. "Every day I struggle to not let magic overpower me... and that's probably what the coven feels. We're connected and that struggle is inside me more than I'd like to admit."
"Mon colibri---"
"But," she continued, smiling at him, "with you guys, I'm not alone. I'm kind of relieved to know that other people have personal demons... and that others actually understand what I'm going through. I wouldn't trade that for anything, Asher."
"If you ever change---"
"I'm not going to," she assured him. After another kiss, she said, "But, I would like a little time alone... I might wander the halls a bit and try to figure out the 'why now?' and the 'what the hell am I gonna do?' if that's okay with you."
Asher nodded. "Of course," he whispered. "If you change your mind and desire company, let me know... I will find you," he added.
Willow impulsively kissed him again. She was glad he didn't seem to take offense to her wanting some time apart from him, to think about that evening. She had been afraid that he would feel even a little useless or cast aside---and she never wanted to make him feel either of those qualities.
"There is no need to butter me up," he teased.
The witch smiled. "I hope you're not telling me I need a reason to kiss you," she purred.
"Definitely not," he told her, "but, if you are still planning to walk the halls, you should leave before I drag you into the water with me."
After he gave her that warning, Willow squeezed his shoulder and stood up. She went into the bedroom and found the robe she liked to wear over her pajamas. Once she added her slippers to her outfit, she told Asher she'd be back before dawn and then she left their suite.
She walked rather aimlessly, until she saw that she had passed Jean-Claude's library. She had only been in that room a couple of times---to borrow and return books---but as she lingered outside of the door, she realised that it might be a comfortable place to sit and think. There were two luxurious arm chairs and a sofa upon which she could sit; the books were familiar, things from which she had always drawn comfort.
With those thoughts in her mind, she put her hand on the doorknob and turned it. She pushed the door open and looked around the room. Gas lamps gave the room a softer, more romantic light but they didn't hide the fact that Jean-Claude was sitting upon the sofa, at one end, with Jason's head in his lap. The vampire was reading a book and stroking his fingers through Jason's hair; the young werewolf bore a bite mark on his wrist and a lazy and content smile on his lips.
Jean-Claude looked at her over his book. "Ah, ma chérie, did you wish to speak with me?"
She shook her head. "N-no... actually, I just sort of ended up here," she admitted. "I have a lot on my mind... and... y'know. Right?"
"Oui," he replied. He smiled. "Make yourself at home, Willow. I can leave you to your---"
"Don't leave, please," she interrupted. "I didn't want to kick you out of your own space. I don't, I mean. I just... I was surprised to find anyone else in here."
"Should I call ma petite's home so you can speak with Faith?" he asked, referring to the fact that Faith was staying with Anita (and Damian, among others) while she remained in St. Louis. "Or, will I suffice as an... acting girlfriend?"
Willow smiled and then laughed softly. "Thanks for the offers," she replied. "I don't think I'm ready to share my thoughts. They're all sort of... jumbled right now."
"D'accord," Jean-Claude said with a casual shrug.
Willow turned away from the vampire and werewolf a moment later. She looked at the shelves of books and walked towards them. She ran her fingers along some of the spines---some of them leather and older than Willow could imagine, others of cardboard and cloth and more contemporary---and she savoured the tactile experiences. Jason made a quiet noise in his throat and shifted his weight and while Willow could almost feel his eyes focused on the back of her head, she ignored him as best as she could.
She thought about Buffy and Giles, how it felt to see them again. She hadn't enjoyed the experiences much. A year ago, Giles had tried to imprison her within her own magic---until he could take her away, back to the coven or maybe another place where magic didn't exist at all. He had been the reason Anita was kidnapped; he had distracted Willow and prevented her from maintaining the barrier that would have prevented the rogue slayer from taking the necromancer away. He had pulled a gun upon Richard and drawn a cross against Asher. Buffy hadn't resorted to any sort of violence yet, but there had been threats between the words she spoke: accept their help and become a model citizen, or face conflict that would most definitely be worse than the fight between them that had destroyed The Magic Box.
She wondered how it would feel to see Xander again. She knew it wouldn't go well---he had been more wary of magic than Buffy ever had. The supernatural tended to bother him. Maybe that reaction was born from his first serious crush falling in love with two vampires, or from his failed engagement to a former vengeance demon who returned to her demon ways after their relationship disintegrated, or from his best friend who nearly destroyed the world. He would take Buffy's side; he would believe whatever Giles told them.
Dawn wasn't so much a threat. Dawn was probably along for the ride. Willow sighed and returned her focus to the other three visitors.
Some time had passed and then she felt a hand on her back. She gasped and turned away from the bookshelves, finding herself looking into Jason's wide eyes.
"What?" she asked.
He smiled a little, although he still looked concerned. "Jean-Claude was talking to you," he explained. "You weren't answering."
Willow's face flushed a bright pink. "Oh," she breathed. She looked at the vampire. "Sorry," she murmured. "I didn't mean to... tune everything out."
Jean-Claude nodded and smiled. "It is alright," he assured her. "I was asking you about... the slayer."
"Faith? Or... Buffy?"
The vampire nodded again and Willow's heart tightened in her chest. "Oui, the one with the weird name," he replied. Jason walked back over to the sofa and took his previous position up again. He stretched across the sofa, pillowing his head on Jean-Claude's lap. The vampire replaced his hand in the werewolf's hair, petting him. "I had hoped you had thought enough on your own... perhaps you were ready to discuss her."
"You're not going to have her killed or anything, are you?"
"Ma chérie, I am not that practical."
"I think you are," Willow insisted, "but maybe not where she's concerned... not yet, anyway."
"Not yet," he conceded. He shrugged and then continued talking. "However, if she threatens my existence, she will face many more problems. We are all tied together. Our powers are bonded, intertwined, perhaps, since Richard's accident. Triumvirates do not usually survive when one person of the three dies," he reminded her. "Damian and Nathaniel are crucial to Anita's existence, who is, in turn, crucial to ours. You are crucial to our existence as well."
Willow nodded. "Everyone's connected," she agreed, thinking of her magic lessons when she had visited the coven. "So, Nathaniel and Damian are tied to our group of five, even if it's not 'officially.'"
"Exactement," Jean-Claude said with a slight nod.
"We all have to survive, then."
"Oui, and if your... Bunny---"
"Buffy," Willow corrected, smiling.
"Ah. My mistake. If your Buffy attempts an attack on any of us, we will react in kind," Jean-Claude said, spelling out his intentions perfectly clear. "I can abide her presence... the presence of her entourage... for a short while."
"Same here," Willow agreed. She sighed and walked towards one of the armchairs. After she sat down, she said, "They want to take me away. I'm guessing to some sort of witch prison. Either that or they'll kill me. So, not really pleasant thoughts." She frowned and looked at her hands which rested on her knees. "They think I'm... well, that I'm bad again. The coven doesn't live in a country where vampires are legal. They frown upon fangs and fur... and me being in this place is a problem for them. So, it's a problem for Giles. His problem becomes Buffy's and Xander's. Kinda like the trickle-down effect."
Jean-Claude's brow furrowed for a brief moment. "But... we have not threatened to end the world," he reasoned.
"Yeah, well... remember how... well, sometimes, doing what needs to be done is as bad as doing something wrong," Willow said, trying to explain the situation.
"Ah."
"I'm not explaining this well," she insisted.
He shrugged again. "Well, we have plenty of time before dawn, ma chérie."
Willow smiled a little. "True... yeah. Okay. Well... I'll try. It's just... a lot of it's in my head."
The Master of the City smiled. "It usually is, isn't it?"
"Yeah," she agreed. She tucked a loose tendril of hair behind her ear and then brushed her hand over her braid. "I ran away from them. I didn't try to stay and convince them I wasn't crossing over to the dark side... I just left. I think I feel guilty because I left without trying my hardest." She shrugged. "Maybe this is my fault. Maybe they're here because---"
"They are here because you are here," Jean-Claude interrupted, "but only because this is where you live. If you had stayed with them, you would have been monitored constantly, I suspect."
Willow frowned. "I don't know how to convince them I'm not a bad witch," she admitted.
"We'll figure it out," Jason said in a quiet voice.
"But, they're so... so judgmental!" Willow exclaimed. "I screwed up once. Once! And when those laws came into effect... I had a babysitter with me all the freaking time! Giles, last year? He captured me without so much as a thought that---" she stopped short and sucked in a sharp breath. Jean-Claude regarded her with an amused smile on his lips. She tried to glare back, but her stern expression crumbled. "Sorry. I'm a little... bottled up."
Jean-Claude nodded. "I know. I can feel it through the bond we share."
Willow blushed. "Right. I forgot," she murmured. She sighed and shrugged. "It's really crappy timing... with Allura's visit and all."
"Luckily, Faith was able to warn us," Jean-Claude commented. "With any luck at all, everything will happen separately."
Jason snorted but didn't say anything.
The Master of the City shrugged as well. Then, he said, "How well do you think Faith will handle herself?"
Willow pressed her lips together as she thought about his question and her answer. "She has impulse control issues," Willow admitted. "But, she's been a lot more mentally stable since the first time we met. And she is growing up. Last year... she was a lot different than when we met for the second time, when she helped us instead of attempted to kill us. She's better. I think... I trust her more than I trusted Buffy," she said, her voice growing more quiet. "That's kinda scary, the more I think about it."
"I can understand that," he told her. "She will have to be warned... what to expect."
"Maybe you can do that better than any of us."
"Or, Asher," Jean-Claude added. He smiled. "I have yet to convince Richard to be comfortable around much that goes on here."
Willow nodded in agreement. Then, she said, "He was really great tonight. He... he was... dependable. I started to react emotionally and he... he acted as a group with Nathaniel and Asher. That doesn't happen often."
"Non, it does not," Jean-Claude agreed. "Perhaps you would know better than I, the state of his mind."
"We're not lovers," she protested.
"But, you know his secrets... you have his trust."
"We're friends," Willow insisted. "We go to yoga classes. We... we hike sometimes. That's it."
Jean-Claude smiled. "True, I suppose."
"The bond doesn't make him irresistible, Jean-Claude," Willow said with a little smile curving her lips. "It just makes me unafraid of him."
"And what does the bond do to your image of me?" he inquired.
"You're a bit more approachable," she replied honestly. "Don't worry, I'm not going to jump your bones or anything."
"Only approachable?" he asked teasingly, pretending to look hurt. "Ah, ma chérie, you wound my spirit."
"If spirit is code for ego, then no, I didn't," she shot back, smiling more.
The vampire chuckled. "Probably not," he conceded. "Still, you watch Asher and I when we are together in outer rooms... and we know you enjoy it."
"That's like watching... well, I don't know. Not porn. But... it's like looking at a piece of artwork so beautiful it makes you want to cry or something," she pointed out. "It's like... too much beauty to look at when you two are together. It takes my breath away a little bit."
"Only a little bit?" Jean-Claude echoed. "Disappointing. I will have to try harder," he teased. Jason's gaze met Willow's; he rolled his eyes and smiled. Jean-Claude glanced down at the werewolf. "And what were you trying to say there, mon loup?"
"Nothing, master," Jason murmured before snuggling up to the vampire a little bit more.
Jean-Claude chuckled again, before looking back at Willow. "Speaking of masters... have you decided what you will give Nathaniel?"
"What he needs," she replied, "if I can... if Asher will help me." She nibbled on her lower lip for a minute and shrugged. "He needs it. Like I need someone to accept the magical side of me... he needs someone to help him feel in control. He's Anita's animal to call, but he's my familiar... and if I can help him, I want to." She motioned towards Jason. "I don't know what I can give Jason, but---"
"Nothing," Jason interrupted. "Just help Nathaniel."
Jean-Claude smiled a little. "It is out of ma petite's depths," he said with a casual hand gesture. "Asher has offered to instruct her... but... she is squeamish."
"I know," Willow murmured. She frowned a little. "I don't want to insult her or upset her, though---"
"If you go through life trying to avoid that, you won't be very happy," Jason said, interrupting her again. He winced for a moment as Jean-Claude's hand tightened in his short hair. Then, he added, "She might get used to certain things... if she's not the first one to do them. Or if she's not the one breaking the rules."
Willow's lips twitched. "So, you say, go for it?"
"I do," he whispered, closing his eyes as Jean-Claude's hand travelled to the back of his neck.
"Are you hoping you will be invited to join us?" Willow asked.
"N-no," Jason replied. "I just... I want Nathaniel to get what he wants more than anything. He's gone a long time without getting that sense of... of... security... or unconditional love... and he deserves it."
Willow nodded in agreement. "He does," she agreed.
Jean-Claude patted Jason's back. "Perhaps, mon loup, you could go to the kitchen and fetch Willow a glass of juice or---"
"Soda, but you don't have to---"
Jason sat up. "No Coke because you won't sleep," he cut in. He stretched his shoulders and then pushed himself off of the sofa. "I'll be back in a bit," he said before leaving the room.
Willow looked at the master vampire. "What do you want to talk about?" she asked quietly.
He smiled. "I thought you had things you wished to discuss."
"How---geez, Jean-Claude," she muttered. "This bond has never been so annoying."
His smile stretched. "You forget---"
Willow's eyes widened. "I can't believe you're bringing that up!"
The vampire laughed, unrestrained, tipping his head backwards as he did so. Willow laughed, too. In the beginning, after the threat of the rogue slayers was gone from St. Louis, Jean-Claude and Asher had had a private celebration, while Anita was tending to her wereleopards' needs. Willow had been at a movie with Richard, their friendship still in its fledgling stage, and the Master of the City---who was usually so used to shutting shields from his animal to call and from his human servant---had not fully closed the marks between him and the witch. Forty minutes into the movie, and Willow had been squirming in her seat. An hour into the movie, she had interrupted the experience for the rest of the audience with a reaction to a climax that was not her own. A few weeks, a fight (more like a war of silence) with Anita, and some good humour later, and Willow and Jean-Claude could laugh about the moment.
At the time, however, they had both been embarrassed. She had felt pleasure through Asher before, but it was his sensation to share with his human servant; she knew she should never be privy to the Master of the City's feelings. Jean-Claude had been upset that he had shown such weakness in the heat of a passionate moment. But, once Anita had realised it was an accident, she relaxed---and then Jean-Claude relaxed.
Jean-Claude's laughter faded. He smiled at the witch and said, "Jason does not need anything from you. Perhaps friendship... unconditional acceptance. He wants true love... but doesn't everyone?"
Willow smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so," she agreed. "I just... it's time I start rolling my sleeves up and getting involved in family life, instead of letting it carry me away."
"Is this a protective reaction to having your former friends in town?"
"I told Buffy that Nathaniel is my pet... and the relief I felt from him... it made me realise that he just wants to belong," she replied. "And then, I realised that it felt right, saying that. He's my familiar, so he kind of belongs to me---sometimes. And after that eureka moment, I realised that I've been avoiding what this means for Jason, too." She blushed and looked away from his questioning gaze. "Maybe it is a reaction to having them in town. But... I don't want to ignore or avoid what my life is. I'm here. I should be here, one hundred percent of the time."
"And if it makes you squeamish?"
Willow shrugged. "I'll have to work at getting over that. I'm human, but I'm a witch... and a human servant... and part of a magical pentumvirate... and I have a little bit of wolf inside of me. I should face up to the fact that my life isn't just about me and living inside the lines regular people have drawn for them."
"What lines are those?"
"Getting married, having kids... although, when I started dating girls, I sort of stepped over those lines," she replied. "But, also... all the faux-pas stuff. We deny ourselves a lot of things that feel instinctual." She stopped and then added, "I'm not saying I'm going to let go and start killing people with spells, but... I think I need to realise that regular people's rules don't really apply to me. I have my faith and my own beliefs---and I have a family. Love is important. Protecting family is important." She sighed and shrugged again. "I don't know. Maybe I sound crazy. Sometimes I think my thoughts are crazy---"
Jean-Claude smiled. "Non, you do not sound crazy." He tilted his head and continued talking. "However, you have already become a part of this place... your life and Asher's life are intertwined already. You accept him and us---"
"Maybe I haven't really wrapped my head around what it all means," she confessed, her cheeks turning pink again.
"It is very bold of you to admit that."
"I love Asher... I'd never want him to change for me," Willow vowed. "I even think of you and Anita as part of my family. Maybe you two are the older brother and sister I never had. Or... parents. Okay, so I don't know how I think about you two. But, I accept this life and everyone in it. I do. But..."
"It is two different things to accept it and admit you are a part of it," Jean-Claude admitted. "Perhaps I assumed you had done both already."
"Sometimes, I think I have," Willow said quietly. "And then sometimes, I wonder..."
"If you expect it to go away?"
She tilted her head a little. "Maybe... is that weird?"
"I do not think so," he said solemnly.
"Maybe I've been holding a part of myself back," she suggested. "I accept the feeding and the fangs and the fur... and the general insanity. But, maybe I'm afraid I'll have to leave some day."
"Why would you?"
Willow snorted. "Uh, because Giles and Buffy and Xander are going to kidnap me---or worse?" she asked wryly.
"You do not have to leave if you do not want to," he pointed out.
"They'll make me go!" Willow exclaimed. "They'll... I don't know what they'll do---and that scares me more than knowing what they'll do!"
He nodded in agreement. "The unknown is always terrifying." He crossed his legs at the ankles and leaned back. "Do not fear them. They wish to bully you... but you are no longer alone, ma chérie. We will... how do you say... take the sting out of their words and actions."
"Until they cross the line and threaten to... well..."
"Oui," he said when she trailed off. "I suspect you have a line drawn in the proverbial sand as well. How much will you take before you strike back, ma chérie?"
"I don't want anyone to get hurt," she murmured.
"Exactement," he agreed. "And if they had Asher at the point of a stake? Nathaniel or Richard or Jason at the end of a gun, loaded with silver bullets?"
"If they had anyone... like that..." she trailed off and shuddered slightly at the thought of any of them being frightened. "I don't think I could be held accountable for my actions," she admitted. "They used to be my family... but... I won't let you guys get hurt at their hands."
"So, what is the problem?" he asked. "Have you not embraced everything and everyone? You certainly care about us all."
"I'm confused," she admitted.
He chuckled. "That, ma chérie, is life."
"Y'know," she joked, "I'm beginning to figure that out."
The vampire smiled as Jason came back into the room, carrying two cans of soda, one with a straw and one without. "You give us what you can, Willow," he advised. Jason handed her the can with the straw sticking out of it. "And your best will be enough. Isn't that one of the fundamental laws of family?"
"I think the first one's unconditional love," she pointed out.
"But after that?"
"You might have a point," she conceded.
"Were you two talking about me again?" Jason asked teasingly, after he sat down on the floor by Jean-Claude's feet.
"Oui," Jean-Claude murmured in a similar tone. "I was telling Willow that I would give you to her for practice... before she tends to Nathaniel." Jason frowned; Jean-Claude smiled and ruffled his hair. "Do not worry... you are mine to praise and mine to punish."
"Oh, whew," the young werewolf said with a cheeky grin, "now I feel loads better."
Jean-Claude winked at Willow and then gently cuffed the back of Jason's head. Willow chuckled and sipped her soda, trying to ignore all of the thoughts in her head.
TBC...
AUTHOR: 38gnihsurc
RATING: en.sea.xvii overall
PAIRING: Willow/Asher, slight Willow/Richard and Willow/Asher/Nathaniel... plus, regular Anita pairings
SPOILERS: For the two fandoms... up until Micah for AB; the two series for Buffyverse stuff.
WARNINGS: A little bit of BDSM.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anyone, except the Master of the City of Lafayette and her entourage.
NOTES: This story is a sequel to "Alive at Last."
Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4-6
PART SEVEN
"I cannot convince you to join me?"
Willow struggled against a smile and lost. She turned around while still braiding her hair, to look down at Asher, who was soaking in the large tub; she felt a pull of desire, as she always did, when her eyes travelled over his body and met his own eyes.
"I've got a lot on my mind right now," she said in a quiet voice. "And... I think I should just... think it all over."
Asher leaned forward, towards her. "You cannot think in the water?"
The witch walked over to the tub and sat on its edge. She kissed Asher's forehead once, before he moved and caught her lips in a kiss, and then she smiled and touched his cheek with one of her hands.
"If I get in that water, you'll keep me distracted," she said in an accusatory tone of voice. "And... I want to get in the water... but... seeing Buffy again..." she trailed off and then started to nibble on her lower lip. "Is it okay?"
The blond vampire reached up and brushed one of his wet hands against her cheek. He cupped her face one-handed as he spoke, his fingertips teasing her hairline and ear. "I suspect it is not 'okay,' mon colibri," he murmured. "She hurt you... they hurt you once, before you left them, and it looks like they will attempt it again. They do not understand how you felt... and how you feel now." A frown flickered across his face. "If you wished to leave, I wouldn't stand in your---"
"I am not leaving with them," she said in a firm voice. "Asher... don't ever think... no. I ended up here for a reason," she said, her voice softening around its edges. "I don't want to leave. I don't want to go back to the coven and be a prisoner---or worse. I don't want them to be afraid of me. I don't want everyone to look at me the way they did before I left them."
He brushed his thumb over her lower lip. "Then, I will do everything in my power to keep you here," he whispered.
"Thank you," she whispered back.
"She was your best friend," he said quietly, "I know this is hard for you."
Willow frowned. "It's beyond hard, Asher," she mumbled. "I... she and Xander were my family. When they stopped treating me like a normal person, it hurt so much I had to leave them. I ran away because I didn't know what else to do! What sort of... yellow-bellied chicken---"
"You are not... those things," he cut in. "She believes you have turned into an enemy. She believed, then, that you were on the wrong life path. I do not think you could have done anything to persuade her that you were safe and sound." He leaned up towards her and gently kissed her lips again. "You have difficulties to deal with---and I know I do not help... our pentumvirate does not help---but you are stronger than they think you are. We will convince them to leave."
"Don't blame yourself---or the pentumvirate," she murmured. "I'm glad I'm your human servant, Asher. And, I'm glad I'm part of something that's bigger than myself." She shrugged. "Every day I struggle to not let magic overpower me... and that's probably what the coven feels. We're connected and that struggle is inside me more than I'd like to admit."
"Mon colibri---"
"But," she continued, smiling at him, "with you guys, I'm not alone. I'm kind of relieved to know that other people have personal demons... and that others actually understand what I'm going through. I wouldn't trade that for anything, Asher."
"If you ever change---"
"I'm not going to," she assured him. After another kiss, she said, "But, I would like a little time alone... I might wander the halls a bit and try to figure out the 'why now?' and the 'what the hell am I gonna do?' if that's okay with you."
Asher nodded. "Of course," he whispered. "If you change your mind and desire company, let me know... I will find you," he added.
Willow impulsively kissed him again. She was glad he didn't seem to take offense to her wanting some time apart from him, to think about that evening. She had been afraid that he would feel even a little useless or cast aside---and she never wanted to make him feel either of those qualities.
"There is no need to butter me up," he teased.
The witch smiled. "I hope you're not telling me I need a reason to kiss you," she purred.
"Definitely not," he told her, "but, if you are still planning to walk the halls, you should leave before I drag you into the water with me."
After he gave her that warning, Willow squeezed his shoulder and stood up. She went into the bedroom and found the robe she liked to wear over her pajamas. Once she added her slippers to her outfit, she told Asher she'd be back before dawn and then she left their suite.
She walked rather aimlessly, until she saw that she had passed Jean-Claude's library. She had only been in that room a couple of times---to borrow and return books---but as she lingered outside of the door, she realised that it might be a comfortable place to sit and think. There were two luxurious arm chairs and a sofa upon which she could sit; the books were familiar, things from which she had always drawn comfort.
With those thoughts in her mind, she put her hand on the doorknob and turned it. She pushed the door open and looked around the room. Gas lamps gave the room a softer, more romantic light but they didn't hide the fact that Jean-Claude was sitting upon the sofa, at one end, with Jason's head in his lap. The vampire was reading a book and stroking his fingers through Jason's hair; the young werewolf bore a bite mark on his wrist and a lazy and content smile on his lips.
Jean-Claude looked at her over his book. "Ah, ma chérie, did you wish to speak with me?"
She shook her head. "N-no... actually, I just sort of ended up here," she admitted. "I have a lot on my mind... and... y'know. Right?"
"Oui," he replied. He smiled. "Make yourself at home, Willow. I can leave you to your---"
"Don't leave, please," she interrupted. "I didn't want to kick you out of your own space. I don't, I mean. I just... I was surprised to find anyone else in here."
"Should I call ma petite's home so you can speak with Faith?" he asked, referring to the fact that Faith was staying with Anita (and Damian, among others) while she remained in St. Louis. "Or, will I suffice as an... acting girlfriend?"
Willow smiled and then laughed softly. "Thanks for the offers," she replied. "I don't think I'm ready to share my thoughts. They're all sort of... jumbled right now."
"D'accord," Jean-Claude said with a casual shrug.
Willow turned away from the vampire and werewolf a moment later. She looked at the shelves of books and walked towards them. She ran her fingers along some of the spines---some of them leather and older than Willow could imagine, others of cardboard and cloth and more contemporary---and she savoured the tactile experiences. Jason made a quiet noise in his throat and shifted his weight and while Willow could almost feel his eyes focused on the back of her head, she ignored him as best as she could.
She thought about Buffy and Giles, how it felt to see them again. She hadn't enjoyed the experiences much. A year ago, Giles had tried to imprison her within her own magic---until he could take her away, back to the coven or maybe another place where magic didn't exist at all. He had been the reason Anita was kidnapped; he had distracted Willow and prevented her from maintaining the barrier that would have prevented the rogue slayer from taking the necromancer away. He had pulled a gun upon Richard and drawn a cross against Asher. Buffy hadn't resorted to any sort of violence yet, but there had been threats between the words she spoke: accept their help and become a model citizen, or face conflict that would most definitely be worse than the fight between them that had destroyed The Magic Box.
She wondered how it would feel to see Xander again. She knew it wouldn't go well---he had been more wary of magic than Buffy ever had. The supernatural tended to bother him. Maybe that reaction was born from his first serious crush falling in love with two vampires, or from his failed engagement to a former vengeance demon who returned to her demon ways after their relationship disintegrated, or from his best friend who nearly destroyed the world. He would take Buffy's side; he would believe whatever Giles told them.
Dawn wasn't so much a threat. Dawn was probably along for the ride. Willow sighed and returned her focus to the other three visitors.
Some time had passed and then she felt a hand on her back. She gasped and turned away from the bookshelves, finding herself looking into Jason's wide eyes.
"What?" she asked.
He smiled a little, although he still looked concerned. "Jean-Claude was talking to you," he explained. "You weren't answering."
Willow's face flushed a bright pink. "Oh," she breathed. She looked at the vampire. "Sorry," she murmured. "I didn't mean to... tune everything out."
Jean-Claude nodded and smiled. "It is alright," he assured her. "I was asking you about... the slayer."
"Faith? Or... Buffy?"
The vampire nodded again and Willow's heart tightened in her chest. "Oui, the one with the weird name," he replied. Jason walked back over to the sofa and took his previous position up again. He stretched across the sofa, pillowing his head on Jean-Claude's lap. The vampire replaced his hand in the werewolf's hair, petting him. "I had hoped you had thought enough on your own... perhaps you were ready to discuss her."
"You're not going to have her killed or anything, are you?"
"Ma chérie, I am not that practical."
"I think you are," Willow insisted, "but maybe not where she's concerned... not yet, anyway."
"Not yet," he conceded. He shrugged and then continued talking. "However, if she threatens my existence, she will face many more problems. We are all tied together. Our powers are bonded, intertwined, perhaps, since Richard's accident. Triumvirates do not usually survive when one person of the three dies," he reminded her. "Damian and Nathaniel are crucial to Anita's existence, who is, in turn, crucial to ours. You are crucial to our existence as well."
Willow nodded. "Everyone's connected," she agreed, thinking of her magic lessons when she had visited the coven. "So, Nathaniel and Damian are tied to our group of five, even if it's not 'officially.'"
"Exactement," Jean-Claude said with a slight nod.
"We all have to survive, then."
"Oui, and if your... Bunny---"
"Buffy," Willow corrected, smiling.
"Ah. My mistake. If your Buffy attempts an attack on any of us, we will react in kind," Jean-Claude said, spelling out his intentions perfectly clear. "I can abide her presence... the presence of her entourage... for a short while."
"Same here," Willow agreed. She sighed and walked towards one of the armchairs. After she sat down, she said, "They want to take me away. I'm guessing to some sort of witch prison. Either that or they'll kill me. So, not really pleasant thoughts." She frowned and looked at her hands which rested on her knees. "They think I'm... well, that I'm bad again. The coven doesn't live in a country where vampires are legal. They frown upon fangs and fur... and me being in this place is a problem for them. So, it's a problem for Giles. His problem becomes Buffy's and Xander's. Kinda like the trickle-down effect."
Jean-Claude's brow furrowed for a brief moment. "But... we have not threatened to end the world," he reasoned.
"Yeah, well... remember how... well, sometimes, doing what needs to be done is as bad as doing something wrong," Willow said, trying to explain the situation.
"Ah."
"I'm not explaining this well," she insisted.
He shrugged again. "Well, we have plenty of time before dawn, ma chérie."
Willow smiled a little. "True... yeah. Okay. Well... I'll try. It's just... a lot of it's in my head."
The Master of the City smiled. "It usually is, isn't it?"
"Yeah," she agreed. She tucked a loose tendril of hair behind her ear and then brushed her hand over her braid. "I ran away from them. I didn't try to stay and convince them I wasn't crossing over to the dark side... I just left. I think I feel guilty because I left without trying my hardest." She shrugged. "Maybe this is my fault. Maybe they're here because---"
"They are here because you are here," Jean-Claude interrupted, "but only because this is where you live. If you had stayed with them, you would have been monitored constantly, I suspect."
Willow frowned. "I don't know how to convince them I'm not a bad witch," she admitted.
"We'll figure it out," Jason said in a quiet voice.
"But, they're so... so judgmental!" Willow exclaimed. "I screwed up once. Once! And when those laws came into effect... I had a babysitter with me all the freaking time! Giles, last year? He captured me without so much as a thought that---" she stopped short and sucked in a sharp breath. Jean-Claude regarded her with an amused smile on his lips. She tried to glare back, but her stern expression crumbled. "Sorry. I'm a little... bottled up."
Jean-Claude nodded. "I know. I can feel it through the bond we share."
Willow blushed. "Right. I forgot," she murmured. She sighed and shrugged. "It's really crappy timing... with Allura's visit and all."
"Luckily, Faith was able to warn us," Jean-Claude commented. "With any luck at all, everything will happen separately."
Jason snorted but didn't say anything.
The Master of the City shrugged as well. Then, he said, "How well do you think Faith will handle herself?"
Willow pressed her lips together as she thought about his question and her answer. "She has impulse control issues," Willow admitted. "But, she's been a lot more mentally stable since the first time we met. And she is growing up. Last year... she was a lot different than when we met for the second time, when she helped us instead of attempted to kill us. She's better. I think... I trust her more than I trusted Buffy," she said, her voice growing more quiet. "That's kinda scary, the more I think about it."
"I can understand that," he told her. "She will have to be warned... what to expect."
"Maybe you can do that better than any of us."
"Or, Asher," Jean-Claude added. He smiled. "I have yet to convince Richard to be comfortable around much that goes on here."
Willow nodded in agreement. Then, she said, "He was really great tonight. He... he was... dependable. I started to react emotionally and he... he acted as a group with Nathaniel and Asher. That doesn't happen often."
"Non, it does not," Jean-Claude agreed. "Perhaps you would know better than I, the state of his mind."
"We're not lovers," she protested.
"But, you know his secrets... you have his trust."
"We're friends," Willow insisted. "We go to yoga classes. We... we hike sometimes. That's it."
Jean-Claude smiled. "True, I suppose."
"The bond doesn't make him irresistible, Jean-Claude," Willow said with a little smile curving her lips. "It just makes me unafraid of him."
"And what does the bond do to your image of me?" he inquired.
"You're a bit more approachable," she replied honestly. "Don't worry, I'm not going to jump your bones or anything."
"Only approachable?" he asked teasingly, pretending to look hurt. "Ah, ma chérie, you wound my spirit."
"If spirit is code for ego, then no, I didn't," she shot back, smiling more.
The vampire chuckled. "Probably not," he conceded. "Still, you watch Asher and I when we are together in outer rooms... and we know you enjoy it."
"That's like watching... well, I don't know. Not porn. But... it's like looking at a piece of artwork so beautiful it makes you want to cry or something," she pointed out. "It's like... too much beauty to look at when you two are together. It takes my breath away a little bit."
"Only a little bit?" Jean-Claude echoed. "Disappointing. I will have to try harder," he teased. Jason's gaze met Willow's; he rolled his eyes and smiled. Jean-Claude glanced down at the werewolf. "And what were you trying to say there, mon loup?"
"Nothing, master," Jason murmured before snuggling up to the vampire a little bit more.
Jean-Claude chuckled again, before looking back at Willow. "Speaking of masters... have you decided what you will give Nathaniel?"
"What he needs," she replied, "if I can... if Asher will help me." She nibbled on her lower lip for a minute and shrugged. "He needs it. Like I need someone to accept the magical side of me... he needs someone to help him feel in control. He's Anita's animal to call, but he's my familiar... and if I can help him, I want to." She motioned towards Jason. "I don't know what I can give Jason, but---"
"Nothing," Jason interrupted. "Just help Nathaniel."
Jean-Claude smiled a little. "It is out of ma petite's depths," he said with a casual hand gesture. "Asher has offered to instruct her... but... she is squeamish."
"I know," Willow murmured. She frowned a little. "I don't want to insult her or upset her, though---"
"If you go through life trying to avoid that, you won't be very happy," Jason said, interrupting her again. He winced for a moment as Jean-Claude's hand tightened in his short hair. Then, he added, "She might get used to certain things... if she's not the first one to do them. Or if she's not the one breaking the rules."
Willow's lips twitched. "So, you say, go for it?"
"I do," he whispered, closing his eyes as Jean-Claude's hand travelled to the back of his neck.
"Are you hoping you will be invited to join us?" Willow asked.
"N-no," Jason replied. "I just... I want Nathaniel to get what he wants more than anything. He's gone a long time without getting that sense of... of... security... or unconditional love... and he deserves it."
Willow nodded in agreement. "He does," she agreed.
Jean-Claude patted Jason's back. "Perhaps, mon loup, you could go to the kitchen and fetch Willow a glass of juice or---"
"Soda, but you don't have to---"
Jason sat up. "No Coke because you won't sleep," he cut in. He stretched his shoulders and then pushed himself off of the sofa. "I'll be back in a bit," he said before leaving the room.
Willow looked at the master vampire. "What do you want to talk about?" she asked quietly.
He smiled. "I thought you had things you wished to discuss."
"How---geez, Jean-Claude," she muttered. "This bond has never been so annoying."
His smile stretched. "You forget---"
Willow's eyes widened. "I can't believe you're bringing that up!"
The vampire laughed, unrestrained, tipping his head backwards as he did so. Willow laughed, too. In the beginning, after the threat of the rogue slayers was gone from St. Louis, Jean-Claude and Asher had had a private celebration, while Anita was tending to her wereleopards' needs. Willow had been at a movie with Richard, their friendship still in its fledgling stage, and the Master of the City---who was usually so used to shutting shields from his animal to call and from his human servant---had not fully closed the marks between him and the witch. Forty minutes into the movie, and Willow had been squirming in her seat. An hour into the movie, she had interrupted the experience for the rest of the audience with a reaction to a climax that was not her own. A few weeks, a fight (more like a war of silence) with Anita, and some good humour later, and Willow and Jean-Claude could laugh about the moment.
At the time, however, they had both been embarrassed. She had felt pleasure through Asher before, but it was his sensation to share with his human servant; she knew she should never be privy to the Master of the City's feelings. Jean-Claude had been upset that he had shown such weakness in the heat of a passionate moment. But, once Anita had realised it was an accident, she relaxed---and then Jean-Claude relaxed.
Jean-Claude's laughter faded. He smiled at the witch and said, "Jason does not need anything from you. Perhaps friendship... unconditional acceptance. He wants true love... but doesn't everyone?"
Willow smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so," she agreed. "I just... it's time I start rolling my sleeves up and getting involved in family life, instead of letting it carry me away."
"Is this a protective reaction to having your former friends in town?"
"I told Buffy that Nathaniel is my pet... and the relief I felt from him... it made me realise that he just wants to belong," she replied. "And then, I realised that it felt right, saying that. He's my familiar, so he kind of belongs to me---sometimes. And after that eureka moment, I realised that I've been avoiding what this means for Jason, too." She blushed and looked away from his questioning gaze. "Maybe it is a reaction to having them in town. But... I don't want to ignore or avoid what my life is. I'm here. I should be here, one hundred percent of the time."
"And if it makes you squeamish?"
Willow shrugged. "I'll have to work at getting over that. I'm human, but I'm a witch... and a human servant... and part of a magical pentumvirate... and I have a little bit of wolf inside of me. I should face up to the fact that my life isn't just about me and living inside the lines regular people have drawn for them."
"What lines are those?"
"Getting married, having kids... although, when I started dating girls, I sort of stepped over those lines," she replied. "But, also... all the faux-pas stuff. We deny ourselves a lot of things that feel instinctual." She stopped and then added, "I'm not saying I'm going to let go and start killing people with spells, but... I think I need to realise that regular people's rules don't really apply to me. I have my faith and my own beliefs---and I have a family. Love is important. Protecting family is important." She sighed and shrugged again. "I don't know. Maybe I sound crazy. Sometimes I think my thoughts are crazy---"
Jean-Claude smiled. "Non, you do not sound crazy." He tilted his head and continued talking. "However, you have already become a part of this place... your life and Asher's life are intertwined already. You accept him and us---"
"Maybe I haven't really wrapped my head around what it all means," she confessed, her cheeks turning pink again.
"It is very bold of you to admit that."
"I love Asher... I'd never want him to change for me," Willow vowed. "I even think of you and Anita as part of my family. Maybe you two are the older brother and sister I never had. Or... parents. Okay, so I don't know how I think about you two. But, I accept this life and everyone in it. I do. But..."
"It is two different things to accept it and admit you are a part of it," Jean-Claude admitted. "Perhaps I assumed you had done both already."
"Sometimes, I think I have," Willow said quietly. "And then sometimes, I wonder..."
"If you expect it to go away?"
She tilted her head a little. "Maybe... is that weird?"
"I do not think so," he said solemnly.
"Maybe I've been holding a part of myself back," she suggested. "I accept the feeding and the fangs and the fur... and the general insanity. But, maybe I'm afraid I'll have to leave some day."
"Why would you?"
Willow snorted. "Uh, because Giles and Buffy and Xander are going to kidnap me---or worse?" she asked wryly.
"You do not have to leave if you do not want to," he pointed out.
"They'll make me go!" Willow exclaimed. "They'll... I don't know what they'll do---and that scares me more than knowing what they'll do!"
He nodded in agreement. "The unknown is always terrifying." He crossed his legs at the ankles and leaned back. "Do not fear them. They wish to bully you... but you are no longer alone, ma chérie. We will... how do you say... take the sting out of their words and actions."
"Until they cross the line and threaten to... well..."
"Oui," he said when she trailed off. "I suspect you have a line drawn in the proverbial sand as well. How much will you take before you strike back, ma chérie?"
"I don't want anyone to get hurt," she murmured.
"Exactement," he agreed. "And if they had Asher at the point of a stake? Nathaniel or Richard or Jason at the end of a gun, loaded with silver bullets?"
"If they had anyone... like that..." she trailed off and shuddered slightly at the thought of any of them being frightened. "I don't think I could be held accountable for my actions," she admitted. "They used to be my family... but... I won't let you guys get hurt at their hands."
"So, what is the problem?" he asked. "Have you not embraced everything and everyone? You certainly care about us all."
"I'm confused," she admitted.
He chuckled. "That, ma chérie, is life."
"Y'know," she joked, "I'm beginning to figure that out."
The vampire smiled as Jason came back into the room, carrying two cans of soda, one with a straw and one without. "You give us what you can, Willow," he advised. Jason handed her the can with the straw sticking out of it. "And your best will be enough. Isn't that one of the fundamental laws of family?"
"I think the first one's unconditional love," she pointed out.
"But after that?"
"You might have a point," she conceded.
"Were you two talking about me again?" Jason asked teasingly, after he sat down on the floor by Jean-Claude's feet.
"Oui," Jean-Claude murmured in a similar tone. "I was telling Willow that I would give you to her for practice... before she tends to Nathaniel." Jason frowned; Jean-Claude smiled and ruffled his hair. "Do not worry... you are mine to praise and mine to punish."
"Oh, whew," the young werewolf said with a cheeky grin, "now I feel loads better."
Jean-Claude winked at Willow and then gently cuffed the back of Jason's head. Willow chuckled and sipped her soda, trying to ignore all of the thoughts in her head.
TBC...