Comments | 30minutefics: Challenge #104: The Seventh Sentence Challenge

kaffetaar in 30minutefics

Challenge #104: The Seventh Sentence Challenge

Oct 27, 2006 07:45

Title: Better Days
Rating: PG? For the language, I suppose.
Characters: Hermione Granger, Severus Snape, Harry Potter, and Others
Author's notes: Well, this took me longer than a half hour, but do I get some leeway because I had to feed children? I hope so. And also, as a note, this contains original characters - although *not* Mary Sue’s. Just so’ ( Read more... )

challenge: quotes, oc, potter.harry, snape.severus, granger.hermione

Comments 6

scatteredlogic October 27 2006, 15:58:10 UTC

Oh, I'd love to know what happens next! It took me a bit to get the pacing and the POV switches down, but once I did, I was hooked. I do hope that you'll consider continuing this?

~applause~ Very nicely done.

kaffetaar October 28 2006, 00:05:59 UTC

*blushes at the applause* Well, thank you kindly.

I'm glad you managed to get your head around the pacing, POV, and what-not. tense changes.

I'm not sure I will continue it, because it was something that was so inspired on the spot, and to tell you the truth -- I kind of like that cliffhanger.

raira October 27 2006, 21:59:15 UTC

I really enjoyed this, but I did find it hard to work out who was speaking in different parts. It took about three read-throughs before I think I got it. Other than that it was really intriguing. I wonder what will happen next.

kaffetaar October 28 2006, 00:09:56 UTC

While I'm glad you found it enjoyable in the end, d'you have advice for the future for making the POV switches clearer? short of inserting "Isabelle POV", "Hermione POV", "Snape POV", "Bethen POV",which i feel a little TOO obvious, and disruptive to the flow.

What did you think would happen next?

raira October 28 2006, 00:20:19 UTC

Oh I agree, "Isabelle POV" etc would disrupt the flow. I admit that part of my problem was being too familiar with the Hermione/Snape 'ship and thinking that Snape's wife in this story was Hermione, which set me up for all sorts of confusion.

I think you could insert the name of the person whose POV you're writing from into the story without it being jarring, though. Use it instead of one of the early pronouns in the section, wherever it fits best.

It looked like Bethen died, or at least had a severe episode, right there at the end. It'd be interesting to see how Isabelle reacted, what Snape's reaction was (particularly as he was supposed to help her), and how Hermione felt about being there when it happened.

kaffetaar October 28 2006, 03:43:38 UTC

Thanks for that. I'll definitely keep it in mind, seeing as how I do tend to favour these POV-shifting stories. They're one of my favourite types.

*sigh*

And now, there's a definite plot duck for a sequel. *goes to browse the other challenges*