# 9, 18, 28 - War
Title: War.
Author: Bri (acquisition).
Pairing: Roy Mustang/Edward Elric.
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist.
Themes: # 9 ダッシュ (Dash), # 18 「アーン？」 (Say ahh), and # 28 ワダカルシウムCD3 (Wada Calcium CD3).
Disclaimer: Neither the characters nor the show belong to me, sadly; otherwise, there would be quite a few changes... >.> Sigh, my life.
Notes: My apologies for not replying to the feedback on my last post! Each time I went to reply, it would give me an error and I am a very impatient person who is easily fed up. By the time it was working, the post was too far back for me to find. Thank you all, though!
An hour at the kitchen table was standard procedure for Edward Elric. For someone who ate enough for the entire military, it should have been amazingly comfortable. Comforting, in fact, to know that he was in familiar surroundings such as that of the kitchen and any other time, he would have been pleasantly munching on his third or fourth course by now.
But this wasn't comfortable, nor was it stomach filling, and Edward didn't like it one bit.
"I'm not taking it."
He eyed the small capsule on the tabletop before him with suspicion, wondering if it would grow legs and arms and attach itself to his own arm in order to force him to absorb it through some osmosis-like procedure. Roy, however, simply rolled his eyes. He'd figured out in the first five minutes of staring that it wasn't exactly going to be a piece of cake to get Edward to take the pill without actually having it in some sort of piece of cake. Edward was simply stating the obvious now.
"I figured you'd say that. No matter, though. Just take it and get it over with, Edward."
Edward, however, simply gawked at him in that amazingly incredulous fashion that so often seemed to grace his lovely features. Who the hell did Roy think he was today?
"Not a chance, asshole. What's it for, anyway?"
Roy paled. He'd been waiting for that question for the better part of the hour and yet he'd dreaded it since first setting the capsule down in front of Edward post-lunch. Roy did his best to cover up his dismay with a smile, one hand coming to the back of his head.
"Well, ah. It's... calcium, actually. You hate milk, so I thought - "
He was silenced by the distinct clang of a fork soaring just past his head and miraculously jamming itself into the wall.
"Who're you calling so small you want to pack him in with the shrimp in the freezer!?"
Roy wondered if it took an entire second for Edward to soar out of his seat and shove him into the wall, pinning him there with automail hand fisted in his collar. He'd shut his eyes tightly and only just managed to hazard a peek, shifting his gaze immediately when he saw the molten gold ones staring directly back at him.
"I'm not taking your damned pill, Mustang, so shove it up your ass!"
"Edward, please be reasonable, you're ninetee-"
"And you're thirty-three and being unreasonable, what's your point!? I'm not..."
Oh no. This was bad. This was very, very bad, and Roy had the nagging thought in the back of his mind that maybe he should kick Edward in the stomach and make a run for it. Why hadn't he worn his gloves today, damn it? His gaze slowly made its way back to Edward, who was smirking as though he'd just gotten away with the entire cookie jar right in front of his parents. Or Roy, whichever happened to be watching at the moment.
"Well, well, Taisa. It seems as though we've stumbled upon quite the interesting realization, doesn't it? You are getting rather up there in the years, you damned pervert, and as such, those old bones of yours are probably doing a little settling..."
Roy glared. That asshole. He was not getting old, goddamn it, and Edward had better take that back right now, or else! He attempted wrenching away from the metal grip of Edward's automail, but found that it only held tighter.
"...If I remember correctly, once a person begins to get older, their bones begin losing some of the calcium they should already have built up. Isn't that right, Roy?"
It was that gleam in Edward's eyes that made Roy fear for his life and his ability to wake up in the morning. He didn't open his mouth nor move his head to answer, which only gave Edward fuel to continue on.
"Now now, Taisa, you've nothing to be ashamed of. You can't really stop the aging process normally, so it's only natural that you're climbing the hill now! Feeling a little weaker, maybe more tired lately? You really should take your calcium pill, don’t you think?"
"I'm not that old," Roy said simply through gritted teeth, mustering up enough of his own glare to momentarily catch Edward off guard. "But you're that small, so you should be the one taking it!"
It really wasn't until he felt a knee crashing into his stomach that Roy regretted saying that. Edward raved, yelling and cursing and smacking Roy upside the head more times than either of them cared to count before Roy shoved him off and tackled him to the ground, pinning both arms above the younger man's head. Damn it, this would go his way. He might give in to Edward a lot, might try his best to satisfy all the petty little demands and use his status to make rules flex at work when Edward was being plain uncooperative, but this was where he drew the line.
"You're taking the damned pill if I have to shove it down your throat myself!"
"I'm not!"
"You are!"
"I'm not!"
"Yes, you are!"
Roy got up and pulled Edward along the floor by his wrists, holding them both tightly as he dragged him along to the kitchen kicking and screaming something about domestic abuse and cruelty and he'd get his ass kicked just as soon as Ed got loose.
Of course, Ed hadn't exactly planned on being tied down to one of the kitchen chairs, either.
Wide golden eyes watched in horror as milk was pulled from the refrigerator and poured into a glass, catching the slight malicious glint in the other man's eyes as he replaced the glass bottle into its proper place and turned around. Edward turned his head and shut his eyes and lips tightly. Roy wouldn't seriously...!
"Now, since you're being uncooperative about the pill, Edward-kun," Roy started, pulling one of the other kitchen chairs to a place in front of Edward's bound body before sitting down, glass of milk still in hand. "I figure that surely that must be because you've changed your mind about your sources of calcium. Milk is, after all, perfectly safe, completely natural, and not nearly as horrible as you've previously claimed. Therefore, you must have come to your senses! Now, say ahh.."
Edward was absolutely horrified.
"I'm not dr-"
That was too much of an opening, however, and he found his mouth filled with the disgusting white liquid only moments later. He gagged and had to swallow the first mouthful to keep from choking or drowning, looking at Roy as though this was the cruelest punishment he could have ever dished out before turning his head and making vomiting noises. Where were his fingers when he needed to gag himself? Oh, right. Tied to the chair.
"I hate you, you stupid inhuman cradle-robbing perverted old man!"
Roy laughed and tipped the glass back against Ed's face, filling his mouth with the milk again. This time, however, Ed had expected it (once he'd known for sure that the Colonel wasn’t kidding about this entire mess) and held it in his mouth, glaring knives at the older man.
"Swallow."
Ed smirked somewhat, then spit the entire mouthful back on Roy.
"Not this time, fucker," he mumbled as he wiped his tongue on the cloth of his shirt, fingers finally finding each other and allowing him to transmute out of the bindings that held him in the chair. He cackled madly at the Colonel's shell-shocked face for only a minute before making a mad dash out of the room.
This was war, Roy decided, and Roy was good at war.
Edward, however, was in the bathroom hastily scrubbing at his teeth and tongue with his toothbrush. The Colonel's floated nonchalantly in the toilet and he smirked in satisfaction as he looked over to the locked door, transmuting the wall between the bathroom and the bedroom from actual wall into a new door, passing through it with ease before replacing it with its old form. A face first plop onto the bed gave him grounds for the heavy sigh that came then, rolling his shoulders and hanging his mouth open.
It was at that moment Edward decided that he had been thoroughly violated today, and that someone was going to hear about this, and they were going to hear a lot. He wouldn't stand this abuse, just wouldn't, and it wasn't fair! Since when did the Colonel get to push him around and try and make him take some sort of as-yet-unidentified pill and tie him to kitchen chairs?
Scratch that tied to kitchen chairs part, he noted mentally as he yawned slightly, body curling up in the center of the bed. He could afford a little nap. They could call a temporary truce, and he could rest. His entire body ached and he was rather sure Roy wouldn't dare try and make him take the pill in his sleep. He'd choke! Surely Roy had better sense than that. After that obvious realization, it didn't take long for slow blinking to settle into closed eyes and exhausted breathing to turn into light snoring.
It really was too easy for Roy to get into that room. He smirked wickedly when he saw that Edward had gone to sleep, but decided to play nice for the sake of image and shifted the younger man on the bed so he could get the blankets on him, patting the top comforter for a moment before snatching the glass beside the bed.
One way or another, Edward Elric. One way or another.
Roy took the glass back down to the kitchen, filling it halfway with water from the tap before he turned back to the inconspicuous source of today's trouble still lying on the tabletop. Capsules really should be more difficult to get into, lest a small child come along and pull apart one of the more dangerous ones thinking the power inside was powdered sugar or some type of candy.
Or, lest Roy Mustang pull one apart and dump the contents into the glass of water he soon slid silently back into place on the nightstand table. He grinned as he did this, slipping quietly back out of the room and closing the door with a quiet click.
Ed had yet to realize he'd been taking these pills for the past two months or so because this was the method Roy typically used. The only reason he'd been straight up with the idea today was because he figured Ed would be more of an adult about it.
Roy got the distinct mental image of his mother having to smash up any sort of medicine he'd had to take as a child and mixing it in his food, then sighed. This was another of those damned equivalent trade paybacks.
Of course, it was all worth it when he came back later to fetch the empty glass. He would have to incur the wrath of a scorned and determined Edward later on when he decided that the Colonel really should take the pill, but that was all for another time. Roy was more than willing to permanently attach his gloves to his hands when that situation occurred, too.