[Fruits Basket] Haru/Rin, #21
Title: The Spaces With the Dark in Her Eyes
Author: Ysabet MacFarlane (umadoshi)
Pairing: Sohma Hatsuharu and Sohma Isuzu (Rin)
Fandom: Fruits Basket
Theme: #21 (violence)
Disclaimer: Fruits Basket belongs to Takaya Natsuki and Hakusensha; English-language versions by FUNimation (anime) and Tokyopop (manga). This piece of fiction is in no way approved or endorsed by any of the copyright holders. Please support the original work!
Notes: This is set early in vol. 19 and contains no spoilers past vol. 18. Technically it takes place a month or so after a story I wrote a couple of years ago ("Alive Through the Dawn", which, for context, was set between the last two chapters of vol. 18), and that does affect the characters' states of mind very slightly, but this stands on its own. Title borrowed from Thea Gilmore's "Water to Sky".
**********
May 2000
**********
"Sohma, could you stay behind for a minute?"
It took Haru a moment to realize he was being addressed, and that the last class of the day was finished. His classmates were packing up around him, eager to be outside. Only Momiji dawdled, until the teacher caught his eye and nodded towards the door.
"Sure." Haru put his unopened books away while the classroom emptied. "What is it?"
The teacher came and stood over him, and even though Haru suspected her attempt at intimidation was subconscious, he bristled even before the lecture--
Always a lecture, they don't ever even ask first...
--before the lecture started. "Have you heard a single word I've said for the last month?"
It stung, unexpectedly. He'd been trying: he'd caught up on the entire week of school he'd missed the month before, had even allowed Kazuma to talk him into going back home most nights in the name of keeping up on his schoolwork, and in the name of stability, a word he was coming to hate.
I'll be right here with her, Kazuma had said patiently, and putting your life on hold indefinitely isn't the answer.
I know.
"Yes'm." It had been nearly a year since his last serious lecture, when Yuki's homeroom teacher had dragged him to the faculty room after he'd trashed his entire classroom, but there had been plenty before that. Years of experience with stern, helpless teachers had taught him when to nod and when to look properly ashamed of himself, when to mumble promises about doing better.
It didn't seem to help this time. "I rather doubt that. You've been either sleeping or daydreaming through every class since you came back to school."
That time, he'd managed to tune out the warnings completely. It wasn't until he'd found himself alone with Yuki that the pain of Rin's absence had started coming back, a tight knot of hurt and anger that he'd spent his nights curled up around and his days ignoring. He'd only cried over it once, the day she'd left him; it hadn't helped. Neither had the sleeplessness, or the oversleeping, or the sudden burst of explosive temper and destruction. Nothing helped until he finally spoke to Yuki, confessing his relationship with Rin and grieving its loss all at once.
I got dumped, he'd said, breaking their promise of silence, and Yuki's breath had caught in startled comprehension.
"I know you were sick last month," his teacher continued, "but you can only coast on that for so long."
"I wasn't sick," Haru said, too low for her to make out, and she frowned.
"Golden Week is coming up, so I suggest you use your time off wisely, Sohma. Get your priorities straight."
He stood abruptly, taking advantage of the inches of height he had over her. "I have my priorities straight," he snapped, and stopped. His temper had been uncertain for weeks, frayed by exhaustion and worry and all the emotions he'd systematically quashed between New Year's and April.
My girlfriend almost died hovered on his lips. And she went half out of her mind, and it's pretty much all my fault.
But--"I'll try," was all he could come up with to break the chilly, expectant silence. "Can I go?"
Clearly skeptical, she stood aside, and Haru made his escape.
**********
Immediately after school, there was almost always someone to practice with at Kazuma's dojo, whether or not a formal class was in session. If Kazuma himself was unavailable, Kunimitsu often stepped in, and in recent months Kyo had become more willing to help the younger students, almost as if he were preparing for the day when he'd be a master himself.
Haru figured he was in no position to judge the small ways other people deceived themselves to make day-to-day life bearable. It was sometimes hard to watch Kyo unofficially putting the kids through their paces, but Kyo was his still favorite sparring partner, and a quick exchange of blows was usually enough to drive the thought away. Haru rarely won a match, but their skill levels were close enough that he felt himself improving every time they faced off.
Almost every time, anyway.
"You know you suck when you're angry, right?" Kyo signaled to take a break, wiping sweat off his face. "Are you just getting it out of your system?"
"Yeah." Haru leaned forward to stretch, wincing as his hamstrings protested. He could feel himself getting stronger with more frequent practice, but his muscles took every opportunity to remind him that he was overworking them.
Back off a little, Rin had said only the day before, jabbing him unerringly in the sorest part of his bicep. Nothing in the look she'd given him betrayed any sense of the irony of her lecturing him about not taking care of himself.
"I'm gonna get some air," he told Kyo, heading for the door.
Outside, he took a deep breath of the spring air, flexing his hands slowly. The sunlight was perfect, just warm enough to keep him from cooling off too fast, and he wasn't the only one taking advantage of it. There wasn't a formal class for another hour, so the handful of students who'd dropped by early were wandering between the dojo and the yard, chatting and practicing their forms.
One of them, a newer student Haru knew only by name, had been developing a painfully obvious crush on Rin for a couple of weeks. She knew; everyone knew, with the way he stared at her whenever she was in sight and hurriedly dropped his eyes if he thought she might notice. It was a frequent occurrence, since Hatori's order for fresh air and sunshine was the only one she didn't chafe under.
He must think I'm pretty unobservant, was the most she'd said about Ogano's attention. Whatever. I don't think he's ever going to actually talk to me, anyway.
Given the way strangers on the street had watched her--or outright drooled over her, in the case of too many middle-aged businessmen--since she'd turned twelve, a schoolboy crush seemed harmless enough. Haru found himself listening with half an ear when Ogano talked to his friends about her, which happened often. The first time Kyo had noticed, he'd shot Haru a curious look but followed his lead when he didn't comment.
Today was different. Ogano, huddled with a friend, looked almost furtive; the only reason Haru realized the quiet conversation had anything at all to do with Rin was because the pair kept looking up at the house. Something in those looks made Haru uncomfortable enough that he moved closer to listen.
"Yeah, I saw her earlier," the second boy was saying. "So?"
"Did you see what she's wearing?"
"Uh huh." The reply was quieter, but appreciative. As the weather warmed up, Rin had stopped wearing layers to keep herself from getting chilled, and under Kunimitsu's watchful eyes she'd regained enough weight that she looked thin instead of gaunt. The combination meant she was showing more skin than she had since coming to stay with Kazuma.
"Did you see her back?" The question went unanswered, and Ogano kept talking, a strange breathlessness straining his voice as it rose. "It's all messed up. Bet she got in an accident or something, but man, I wouldn't want to touch--" Ogano stopped short as Haru turned towards him; he stood blinking uncomfortably, and then looked over Haru's shoulder.
"Don't make me pull you off him," Kyo said from behind him, in tones of resignation.
"Will you?" It was as if Kyo had strung a safety net below him. The small smile Haru felt forming on his lips must have showed his relief as much as his anger; just before he stepped closer, he saw Ogano start to relax. "What's the matter?" Haru asked, half-formed intentions of baiting him dissolving as he heard the acid in his own voice. "Saw something you didn't want to?"
"I--"
"'cause just yesterday it sure looked like there wasn't anything you'd like better than getting her clothes off." His fingers tingled, aching to clench into fists.
"What? No!" Ogano looked over at Kyo. From the panic growing in his eyes, Haru guessed Kyo didn't look like he'd be much help. Ogano changed tactics. "Come on, like you've never looked at her like that!"
"Like what?" Haru ducked under a low-hanging branch belonging to the tree at the corner of the dojo, closing the distance between them and shoving Ogano up against the wall. "Like she's hot? Or like, hey, she's pretty--too fucking bad she's damaged goods, huh?"
"What's it to--"
"What difference does it make?"
Ogano's mouth moved silently. Oh. Haru had a sudden detached realization of what he must look like, of how his forearm was shaking with fury against Ogano's chest. I'm totally losing it. The small, rational thought was almost drowning in the exhausted anger occupying the rest of his mind.
Don't make me pull you off him. But Kyo wasn't interfering. Yet. Haru didn't have to look back to know that Kyo was close enough to intervene, but far enough away that he wasn't outright involved.
"I'm losing it," Haru said, under his breath.
Ogano stared back at him, dull fear etched all over his face. "No kidding."
"Shut up." Haru yanked his arm away and, for the briefest moment, rested his hand over Ogano's throat--long enough to see Kyo's sudden movement, and, unexpectedly, to remember another terrified pulse beating against his palm, palpable even though a heavy glove.
And then shrieking.
Akito, I--
The tree was the closest thing to channel his anger into when he let go, its trunk so thick and sturdy it hardly moved under his fist's abrupt impact. "You're not worth it," he said, not letting himself look at Ogano or Kyo or the gawking students, or at his suddenly-throbbing fingers. He turned and walked away, half-listening to Kyo's voice urging the younger students back inside.
**********
Haru didn't feel much attachment to gardens, but sitting in one--leaning against the back wall of the dojo, making sure to keep his feet out of the flowerbeds--helped him to keep from lashing out aimlessly. Rin might not feel a deep connection to the flowers themselves, but their care was one of the first things Kunimitsu had let her put her hand to, and it would take a truly blinding rage for Haru to destroy anything she'd touched. So he sat and breathed in the scent of the spring blooms, willing it to calm him.
With the breeze stirring the leaves and grass around him, it was Rin's stillness that caught his attention, not her approach. "Hey," he said, suddenly aware of how tired he was.
"Hey," she echoed. She came and knelt beside him, frowning; her eyes were fixed on his hand and the small, drying streaks of blood. "Someday you're going to scar yourself."
The loosening knot of anger in his chest tightened again. "Not the end of the world."
"No." She sounded agreeable, but she was still focused on the deep scrapes on his knuckles. Haru made a loose fist, and they both watched beads of fresh blood well up sluggishly. "What happened? I heard the noise all the way up at the house."
He told her, not mincing words, and eventually she lifted her gaze. "You got mad because someone stopped being attracted to me?"
"Because he thinks there's something wrong with you!" He spat it out, unwilling to let her coax him into taking it more lightly.
Rin sighed and pushed his hair away from his eyes, tangling her fingers in it. "Breathe," she said, as if he were still an angry kid whose temper could be soothed by her touch. He'd always known better than to ask her about the way it made her look at him: calm without serenity, waiting to see what he would do. The wordless, expectant trust hadn't changed at all in the intervening years--trust that he wouldn't hurt her, and more, that her attraction to that side of him was safe.
He'd never been able to decide if that attraction made him feel better or worse about the way anger and desire were so closely bound together in his mind, but it gave her equanimity when he had none, and he'd learned to settle for that.
He leaned into her with a sigh, shivering as she moved so their bodies were pressed comfortably together. "I forgot I could do this," he said, talking into her neck. "Crazy, huh?"
"Do what?" Rin ran her hands over him, slow caresses from his shoulders to his waist; her touch made him aware of how badly his muscles were knotted.
"Be with you like this." He touched her face with his unbloodied hand, guiding her into a kiss. Neither of them closed their eyes, and she kept it light and brief, pressing her forehead against his afterwards. Not long after--not long enough after--she'd been freed from the Cat's room, they'd spent most of one night rediscovering each other's bodies, as if they could erase the year of separation and hurt. Instead, it had brought home the frustrating realization that taking things slowly for a while was a better idea.
Knowing it was just as difficult for her made it that much harder to keep himself in check. Her breath was warm on his cheek, and too quick; he felt her trying to control it, and tried to do the same. "Breathe," she whispered again, just before they both heard the mutter of voices drawing nearer.
Kyo, Haru thought, and someone else--
"Sorry," Rin said, lips brushing against his ear, and then she was kissing him again, slow and hungry, as two figures came around the corner. It caught him so thoroughly off-guard that he almost forgot to kiss her back: Rin was deeply private with physical affection, and while he had far fewer compunctions, he also had no memory of her ever initiating anything more intimate than hand-holding when anyone else could see--and then only rarely, and only in front of Kazuma or Tohru.
He let instinct take over enough to return the kiss, keeping his hands at her waist and following her lead. The tension in her body kept him from forgetting that they were being watched, but he thought they weren't giving any sign that they knew anyone was there.
"Y'know--" Kyo's voice, mortified and...amused? "I kinda think she doesn't care if you think she's hot." Rin broke the kiss with a silent gasp and tucked her head under Haru's chin; he suspected she was hoping no one would see the blush he could feel against his neck. Without thinking, he kissed the top of her head.
At first Ogano's only response to Kyo's observation was an incoherent sputter. Rin had herself under control by the time he found his voice. "Um...Sohma-san..." She slid out of Haru's arms as they both looked up, waiting for him to indicate which of them he was addressing.
Clarification wasn't forthcoming. He stared at the ground in front of him, but still winced when Rin shot him a bored glare and asked, "What's going on, Kyo?"
"Seems like he--" Kyo nodded at Ogano "--owes you an apology, and you weren't at the house, so I figured you'd be back here."
"Apparently." The amount of contempt she could pack into a single word would have made Haru feel bad for the recipient under most circumstances. Kyo, aware it wasn't directed at him, ignored it; Ogano, mortified, was turning a particularly unflattering hue. Rin sighed and took Haru's hand, her fingers clenching down hard enough that he realized she was actually angry, as if his gradually-quieting fury had leached into her. "Well, I don't want an apology, so why don't you run back to class?"
"Did he tell you what I said?" Ogano mumbled.
"Yes." Rin stood up, brushing grass off her skirt and thighs. Tiny smears of blood stained her inner arm, where it had rested against Haru's hand. "And if I ever start caring what a shallow, gawky kid thinks of me, I'll ask Kazuma to let you know."
Haru let her pull him to his feet. "He's my age," he said, surprised by how mild his voice sounded.
"Oh?" She started towards the house. "I wouldn't have guessed."
"I thought you were nice!" Ogano burst out. "You only ever talked to a couple of us, so I thought you were shy and--"
She interrupted without sparing him a glance. "Do us all a favor and go fantasize about some other girl you'll never get up the nerve to talk to." Haru exchanged a quick look and shrug with Kyo and followed her.
**********
After he'd washed the dried blood off his hand and made sure none of the scrapes needed further attention, Haru found Rin in her room, where she'd flung herself down on the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, she was fingering the top edge of her scar as if she'd just been reminded of its existence.
"Wow," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Next time I feel like beating someone to a pulp, I should just send them your way. That's not a criticism," he added when she scowled up at him.
"He probably just thinks I'm a bitch."
"But maybe he'll watch his mouth next time."
"Mmm. Are you feeling okay now?" She changed the subject, lifting her head to rest it on his thigh.
He took a deep breath, assessing himself. "Better, yeah." His muscles had the familiar shakiness that came after losing his temper, but he was back in control. "You?"
"Fine. I really don't care what he thinks. He's just some stupid kid--" She gave him a faintly guilty look, color tinging her cheeks. "I can't believe I let Kyo see me kissing you."
"Did he ever." Her blush deepened. "Come on, it can't be worse than when Yuki saw us."
"That was you kissing me." She was pressed close enough that he felt the tiny tremor that went through her.
"Technicality."
She lifted a hand to his face, rubbing her thumb against his cheekbone. "You look exhausted. Want me to make room?"
Thoughts of the homework he was behind on crowded into his head, making it feel even heavier. "I shouldn't. My teacher's been on my back 'cause my grades are slipping a bit."
A different kind of guilt showed in her eyes as she sat up. "What do you need to work on?"
"Pretty much everything," he admitted. "And you know you matter more, so don't look at me like that."
"Well, want me to keep you company?" Rin went to the small bookcase under the window without waiting for a reply, running her fingers over the books' spines. She'd read more since coming to stay with Kazuma than she had in the entire previous year; sometimes to escape into her head, sometimes to make up for how rarely she left the small property that held the house, dojo, and gardens.
As she picked a book and straightened up, the light coming in the window caught in the blunt edges of her hair. "You're beautiful, you know," Haru said.
For just an instant she froze, staring outside. "Glad you think so." There was an unexpected vulnerability in her voice, banished as she turned to face him. "So are you."
He laughed and took the hand she held out, and she came with him to retrieve his textbooks from where he'd abandoned his bag in the entryway.
fin.
[previous entries can be found here]
Author: Ysabet MacFarlane (umadoshi)
Pairing: Sohma Hatsuharu and Sohma Isuzu (Rin)
Fandom: Fruits Basket
Theme: #21 (violence)
Disclaimer: Fruits Basket belongs to Takaya Natsuki and Hakusensha; English-language versions by FUNimation (anime) and Tokyopop (manga). This piece of fiction is in no way approved or endorsed by any of the copyright holders. Please support the original work!
Notes: This is set early in vol. 19 and contains no spoilers past vol. 18. Technically it takes place a month or so after a story I wrote a couple of years ago ("Alive Through the Dawn", which, for context, was set between the last two chapters of vol. 18), and that does affect the characters' states of mind very slightly, but this stands on its own. Title borrowed from Thea Gilmore's "Water to Sky".
**********
May 2000
**********
"Sohma, could you stay behind for a minute?"
It took Haru a moment to realize he was being addressed, and that the last class of the day was finished. His classmates were packing up around him, eager to be outside. Only Momiji dawdled, until the teacher caught his eye and nodded towards the door.
"Sure." Haru put his unopened books away while the classroom emptied. "What is it?"
The teacher came and stood over him, and even though Haru suspected her attempt at intimidation was subconscious, he bristled even before the lecture--
Always a lecture, they don't ever even ask first...
--before the lecture started. "Have you heard a single word I've said for the last month?"
It stung, unexpectedly. He'd been trying: he'd caught up on the entire week of school he'd missed the month before, had even allowed Kazuma to talk him into going back home most nights in the name of keeping up on his schoolwork, and in the name of stability, a word he was coming to hate.
I'll be right here with her, Kazuma had said patiently, and putting your life on hold indefinitely isn't the answer.
I know.
"Yes'm." It had been nearly a year since his last serious lecture, when Yuki's homeroom teacher had dragged him to the faculty room after he'd trashed his entire classroom, but there had been plenty before that. Years of experience with stern, helpless teachers had taught him when to nod and when to look properly ashamed of himself, when to mumble promises about doing better.
It didn't seem to help this time. "I rather doubt that. You've been either sleeping or daydreaming through every class since you came back to school."
That time, he'd managed to tune out the warnings completely. It wasn't until he'd found himself alone with Yuki that the pain of Rin's absence had started coming back, a tight knot of hurt and anger that he'd spent his nights curled up around and his days ignoring. He'd only cried over it once, the day she'd left him; it hadn't helped. Neither had the sleeplessness, or the oversleeping, or the sudden burst of explosive temper and destruction. Nothing helped until he finally spoke to Yuki, confessing his relationship with Rin and grieving its loss all at once.
I got dumped, he'd said, breaking their promise of silence, and Yuki's breath had caught in startled comprehension.
"I know you were sick last month," his teacher continued, "but you can only coast on that for so long."
"I wasn't sick," Haru said, too low for her to make out, and she frowned.
"Golden Week is coming up, so I suggest you use your time off wisely, Sohma. Get your priorities straight."
He stood abruptly, taking advantage of the inches of height he had over her. "I have my priorities straight," he snapped, and stopped. His temper had been uncertain for weeks, frayed by exhaustion and worry and all the emotions he'd systematically quashed between New Year's and April.
My girlfriend almost died hovered on his lips. And she went half out of her mind, and it's pretty much all my fault.
But--"I'll try," was all he could come up with to break the chilly, expectant silence. "Can I go?"
Clearly skeptical, she stood aside, and Haru made his escape.
**********
Immediately after school, there was almost always someone to practice with at Kazuma's dojo, whether or not a formal class was in session. If Kazuma himself was unavailable, Kunimitsu often stepped in, and in recent months Kyo had become more willing to help the younger students, almost as if he were preparing for the day when he'd be a master himself.
Haru figured he was in no position to judge the small ways other people deceived themselves to make day-to-day life bearable. It was sometimes hard to watch Kyo unofficially putting the kids through their paces, but Kyo was his still favorite sparring partner, and a quick exchange of blows was usually enough to drive the thought away. Haru rarely won a match, but their skill levels were close enough that he felt himself improving every time they faced off.
Almost every time, anyway.
"You know you suck when you're angry, right?" Kyo signaled to take a break, wiping sweat off his face. "Are you just getting it out of your system?"
"Yeah." Haru leaned forward to stretch, wincing as his hamstrings protested. He could feel himself getting stronger with more frequent practice, but his muscles took every opportunity to remind him that he was overworking them.
Back off a little, Rin had said only the day before, jabbing him unerringly in the sorest part of his bicep. Nothing in the look she'd given him betrayed any sense of the irony of her lecturing him about not taking care of himself.
"I'm gonna get some air," he told Kyo, heading for the door.
Outside, he took a deep breath of the spring air, flexing his hands slowly. The sunlight was perfect, just warm enough to keep him from cooling off too fast, and he wasn't the only one taking advantage of it. There wasn't a formal class for another hour, so the handful of students who'd dropped by early were wandering between the dojo and the yard, chatting and practicing their forms.
One of them, a newer student Haru knew only by name, had been developing a painfully obvious crush on Rin for a couple of weeks. She knew; everyone knew, with the way he stared at her whenever she was in sight and hurriedly dropped his eyes if he thought she might notice. It was a frequent occurrence, since Hatori's order for fresh air and sunshine was the only one she didn't chafe under.
He must think I'm pretty unobservant, was the most she'd said about Ogano's attention. Whatever. I don't think he's ever going to actually talk to me, anyway.
Given the way strangers on the street had watched her--or outright drooled over her, in the case of too many middle-aged businessmen--since she'd turned twelve, a schoolboy crush seemed harmless enough. Haru found himself listening with half an ear when Ogano talked to his friends about her, which happened often. The first time Kyo had noticed, he'd shot Haru a curious look but followed his lead when he didn't comment.
Today was different. Ogano, huddled with a friend, looked almost furtive; the only reason Haru realized the quiet conversation had anything at all to do with Rin was because the pair kept looking up at the house. Something in those looks made Haru uncomfortable enough that he moved closer to listen.
"Yeah, I saw her earlier," the second boy was saying. "So?"
"Did you see what she's wearing?"
"Uh huh." The reply was quieter, but appreciative. As the weather warmed up, Rin had stopped wearing layers to keep herself from getting chilled, and under Kunimitsu's watchful eyes she'd regained enough weight that she looked thin instead of gaunt. The combination meant she was showing more skin than she had since coming to stay with Kazuma.
"Did you see her back?" The question went unanswered, and Ogano kept talking, a strange breathlessness straining his voice as it rose. "It's all messed up. Bet she got in an accident or something, but man, I wouldn't want to touch--" Ogano stopped short as Haru turned towards him; he stood blinking uncomfortably, and then looked over Haru's shoulder.
"Don't make me pull you off him," Kyo said from behind him, in tones of resignation.
"Will you?" It was as if Kyo had strung a safety net below him. The small smile Haru felt forming on his lips must have showed his relief as much as his anger; just before he stepped closer, he saw Ogano start to relax. "What's the matter?" Haru asked, half-formed intentions of baiting him dissolving as he heard the acid in his own voice. "Saw something you didn't want to?"
"I--"
"'cause just yesterday it sure looked like there wasn't anything you'd like better than getting her clothes off." His fingers tingled, aching to clench into fists.
"What? No!" Ogano looked over at Kyo. From the panic growing in his eyes, Haru guessed Kyo didn't look like he'd be much help. Ogano changed tactics. "Come on, like you've never looked at her like that!"
"Like what?" Haru ducked under a low-hanging branch belonging to the tree at the corner of the dojo, closing the distance between them and shoving Ogano up against the wall. "Like she's hot? Or like, hey, she's pretty--too fucking bad she's damaged goods, huh?"
"What's it to--"
"What difference does it make?"
Ogano's mouth moved silently. Oh. Haru had a sudden detached realization of what he must look like, of how his forearm was shaking with fury against Ogano's chest. I'm totally losing it. The small, rational thought was almost drowning in the exhausted anger occupying the rest of his mind.
Don't make me pull you off him. But Kyo wasn't interfering. Yet. Haru didn't have to look back to know that Kyo was close enough to intervene, but far enough away that he wasn't outright involved.
"I'm losing it," Haru said, under his breath.
Ogano stared back at him, dull fear etched all over his face. "No kidding."
"Shut up." Haru yanked his arm away and, for the briefest moment, rested his hand over Ogano's throat--long enough to see Kyo's sudden movement, and, unexpectedly, to remember another terrified pulse beating against his palm, palpable even though a heavy glove.
And then shrieking.
Akito, I--
The tree was the closest thing to channel his anger into when he let go, its trunk so thick and sturdy it hardly moved under his fist's abrupt impact. "You're not worth it," he said, not letting himself look at Ogano or Kyo or the gawking students, or at his suddenly-throbbing fingers. He turned and walked away, half-listening to Kyo's voice urging the younger students back inside.
**********
Haru didn't feel much attachment to gardens, but sitting in one--leaning against the back wall of the dojo, making sure to keep his feet out of the flowerbeds--helped him to keep from lashing out aimlessly. Rin might not feel a deep connection to the flowers themselves, but their care was one of the first things Kunimitsu had let her put her hand to, and it would take a truly blinding rage for Haru to destroy anything she'd touched. So he sat and breathed in the scent of the spring blooms, willing it to calm him.
With the breeze stirring the leaves and grass around him, it was Rin's stillness that caught his attention, not her approach. "Hey," he said, suddenly aware of how tired he was.
"Hey," she echoed. She came and knelt beside him, frowning; her eyes were fixed on his hand and the small, drying streaks of blood. "Someday you're going to scar yourself."
The loosening knot of anger in his chest tightened again. "Not the end of the world."
"No." She sounded agreeable, but she was still focused on the deep scrapes on his knuckles. Haru made a loose fist, and they both watched beads of fresh blood well up sluggishly. "What happened? I heard the noise all the way up at the house."
He told her, not mincing words, and eventually she lifted her gaze. "You got mad because someone stopped being attracted to me?"
"Because he thinks there's something wrong with you!" He spat it out, unwilling to let her coax him into taking it more lightly.
Rin sighed and pushed his hair away from his eyes, tangling her fingers in it. "Breathe," she said, as if he were still an angry kid whose temper could be soothed by her touch. He'd always known better than to ask her about the way it made her look at him: calm without serenity, waiting to see what he would do. The wordless, expectant trust hadn't changed at all in the intervening years--trust that he wouldn't hurt her, and more, that her attraction to that side of him was safe.
He'd never been able to decide if that attraction made him feel better or worse about the way anger and desire were so closely bound together in his mind, but it gave her equanimity when he had none, and he'd learned to settle for that.
He leaned into her with a sigh, shivering as she moved so their bodies were pressed comfortably together. "I forgot I could do this," he said, talking into her neck. "Crazy, huh?"
"Do what?" Rin ran her hands over him, slow caresses from his shoulders to his waist; her touch made him aware of how badly his muscles were knotted.
"Be with you like this." He touched her face with his unbloodied hand, guiding her into a kiss. Neither of them closed their eyes, and she kept it light and brief, pressing her forehead against his afterwards. Not long after--not long enough after--she'd been freed from the Cat's room, they'd spent most of one night rediscovering each other's bodies, as if they could erase the year of separation and hurt. Instead, it had brought home the frustrating realization that taking things slowly for a while was a better idea.
Knowing it was just as difficult for her made it that much harder to keep himself in check. Her breath was warm on his cheek, and too quick; he felt her trying to control it, and tried to do the same. "Breathe," she whispered again, just before they both heard the mutter of voices drawing nearer.
Kyo, Haru thought, and someone else--
"Sorry," Rin said, lips brushing against his ear, and then she was kissing him again, slow and hungry, as two figures came around the corner. It caught him so thoroughly off-guard that he almost forgot to kiss her back: Rin was deeply private with physical affection, and while he had far fewer compunctions, he also had no memory of her ever initiating anything more intimate than hand-holding when anyone else could see--and then only rarely, and only in front of Kazuma or Tohru.
He let instinct take over enough to return the kiss, keeping his hands at her waist and following her lead. The tension in her body kept him from forgetting that they were being watched, but he thought they weren't giving any sign that they knew anyone was there.
"Y'know--" Kyo's voice, mortified and...amused? "I kinda think she doesn't care if you think she's hot." Rin broke the kiss with a silent gasp and tucked her head under Haru's chin; he suspected she was hoping no one would see the blush he could feel against his neck. Without thinking, he kissed the top of her head.
At first Ogano's only response to Kyo's observation was an incoherent sputter. Rin had herself under control by the time he found his voice. "Um...Sohma-san..." She slid out of Haru's arms as they both looked up, waiting for him to indicate which of them he was addressing.
Clarification wasn't forthcoming. He stared at the ground in front of him, but still winced when Rin shot him a bored glare and asked, "What's going on, Kyo?"
"Seems like he--" Kyo nodded at Ogano "--owes you an apology, and you weren't at the house, so I figured you'd be back here."
"Apparently." The amount of contempt she could pack into a single word would have made Haru feel bad for the recipient under most circumstances. Kyo, aware it wasn't directed at him, ignored it; Ogano, mortified, was turning a particularly unflattering hue. Rin sighed and took Haru's hand, her fingers clenching down hard enough that he realized she was actually angry, as if his gradually-quieting fury had leached into her. "Well, I don't want an apology, so why don't you run back to class?"
"Did he tell you what I said?" Ogano mumbled.
"Yes." Rin stood up, brushing grass off her skirt and thighs. Tiny smears of blood stained her inner arm, where it had rested against Haru's hand. "And if I ever start caring what a shallow, gawky kid thinks of me, I'll ask Kazuma to let you know."
Haru let her pull him to his feet. "He's my age," he said, surprised by how mild his voice sounded.
"Oh?" She started towards the house. "I wouldn't have guessed."
"I thought you were nice!" Ogano burst out. "You only ever talked to a couple of us, so I thought you were shy and--"
She interrupted without sparing him a glance. "Do us all a favor and go fantasize about some other girl you'll never get up the nerve to talk to." Haru exchanged a quick look and shrug with Kyo and followed her.
**********
After he'd washed the dried blood off his hand and made sure none of the scrapes needed further attention, Haru found Rin in her room, where she'd flung herself down on the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, she was fingering the top edge of her scar as if she'd just been reminded of its existence.
"Wow," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Next time I feel like beating someone to a pulp, I should just send them your way. That's not a criticism," he added when she scowled up at him.
"He probably just thinks I'm a bitch."
"But maybe he'll watch his mouth next time."
"Mmm. Are you feeling okay now?" She changed the subject, lifting her head to rest it on his thigh.
He took a deep breath, assessing himself. "Better, yeah." His muscles had the familiar shakiness that came after losing his temper, but he was back in control. "You?"
"Fine. I really don't care what he thinks. He's just some stupid kid--" She gave him a faintly guilty look, color tinging her cheeks. "I can't believe I let Kyo see me kissing you."
"Did he ever." Her blush deepened. "Come on, it can't be worse than when Yuki saw us."
"That was you kissing me." She was pressed close enough that he felt the tiny tremor that went through her.
"Technicality."
She lifted a hand to his face, rubbing her thumb against his cheekbone. "You look exhausted. Want me to make room?"
Thoughts of the homework he was behind on crowded into his head, making it feel even heavier. "I shouldn't. My teacher's been on my back 'cause my grades are slipping a bit."
A different kind of guilt showed in her eyes as she sat up. "What do you need to work on?"
"Pretty much everything," he admitted. "And you know you matter more, so don't look at me like that."
"Well, want me to keep you company?" Rin went to the small bookcase under the window without waiting for a reply, running her fingers over the books' spines. She'd read more since coming to stay with Kazuma than she had in the entire previous year; sometimes to escape into her head, sometimes to make up for how rarely she left the small property that held the house, dojo, and gardens.
As she picked a book and straightened up, the light coming in the window caught in the blunt edges of her hair. "You're beautiful, you know," Haru said.
For just an instant she froze, staring outside. "Glad you think so." There was an unexpected vulnerability in her voice, banished as she turned to face him. "So are you."
He laughed and took the hand she held out, and she came with him to retrieve his textbooks from where he'd abandoned his bag in the entryway.
fin.
[previous entries can be found here]