Pray for One, Pray for Two ... (Gundam Wing, Heero/Quatre, challenge #6)
Title : Pray for One, Pray for Two …
Author : lomelinde_sama
Pairing : past 1xR (Heero/Relena), past unrequited 4+R (Quatre/Relena), 1+4+1
Fandom : Gundam Wing
Theme : #6 - the space between dream and reality
Rating : R
Warnings : angst, mentioned death, Quatre POV, New Type-ness, post-EW (AC 230). Sequel to #20 - Rest in Peace.
Disclaimer : Those yummy boys belong to Sunrise and Bandai. Which are not me. The title comes from the lyrics of the song I listened to while writing, Something in my Eyes from the Weiss Kreuz soundtrack.
Cross-posted to my writing journal peacemillion.
“Make yourself at home,” I said with an ironic smile.
I technically owned the whole apartment building, but I could count the nights I had spent in the penthouse on one hand. My schedule was so hectic that having a permanent residence was just wishful thinking anyway. All of my pieds-à-terre were tastefully and neutrally decorated. The only personal touch was held in a simple frame that always found its way to my bedside table, no matter where I was.
I toed my shoes off in the entrance hall and Heero did the same after a slight hesitation.
“I’ll be right back,” I said.
I left him in the living-room and went to drop my tie and jacket on my bed. I briefly debated changing clothes altogether, but decided not to. Someone I had loved for most of my life was dead, it had taken me two years to pay my respects, and her husband had literally stumbled on me while I did. Oh, and let’s not forget our mutual admission that we still loved each other. Mud stains from her grave on the knees of my pants were hardly going to make the situation any tenser at this point.
Heero was sitting on the couch with his eyes closed, his own jacket abandoned on the armrest.
“Tea ?” I suggested. He never drank alcohol, and neither did I.
He nodded without opening his eyes, and I padded into the kitchen. I took my time to select a brew I knew we would both enjoy, and just stared at the two white mugs I had taken out of the cupboard while waiting for the water to simmer. I was stalling and I knew it. Heero knew it too, and I was grateful that he did not call me on it.
“Don’t you have anything better to do ?” he asked when I finally came back into the living-room and handed him a steaming cup.
I shrugged and sank into the armchair with a weary smile.
“I was supposed to have dinner with President Andersen, but I’ll call to cancel.”
He frowned and took a sip of his tea.
“You’re going to stand the elected President of the ESUN up.”
“Yes.”
“Why ?”
“Because I can. If he wants a dinner date with me that much, I’m pretty sure we can reschedule. He’s intelligent enough to remember who he owes his political career to. He likes staying on my good side.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said softly, looking straight at me over the brim of his mug.
“I know,” I sighed, and he let it slide. Again.
Neither of us spoke for a while. We just drank our tea and pretended very hard that we were not acutely aware of each other’s presence, that we did not feel the weight of her gaze on us. The silence was so thick that when Heero eventually put his empty cup down on the coffee table, the scrape of porcelain on wood made me give a start. He glanced at me quizzically, and I laughed nervously. I could feel the tension in the room like an electric current running on my skin. It had always been special, with the two of them. No one else could put me on edge quite like that.
Had I chosen to pursue only one of them back then, I probably would have succeeded. But I had refused to make that choice. They had made it for me, by choosing each other, and I was not bitter or jealous even for a second. They had never made light of my feelings for them, and in turn I never allowed it to interfere in what was the closest friendship I had ever experienced with anyone. I was more than happy to remain a bachelor. I never lacked willing partners if the need arose, and there was no great pressure for me to get married and produce an heir, since I could pick one among my eighty nephews and nieces quite easily.
It had worked for us. And then she had died.
“Is it what it was supposed to be like ?” Heero asked in a whisper.
“What ?”
“Peace.”
“… I don’t know,” I ended up saying. “I guess so.”
“I didn’t know it would be that …” He stopped, at a loss for words.
“Painful ?” I offered.
He smiled grimly and patted the couch at his side.
“We’re too old for this,” he said. “Come here.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and put my cup down next to his, slowly moving from my armchair to the couch. I did not know what to do with myself as I sat down next to him, but he solved the problem by putting his arm around my shoulders, making me lean on him. I felt his fingers rubbing my arm and I realized I was cold.
“I … I miss her,” I said very low, not looking at him.
“I know.”
I scooted closer to him and he held me tighter. I could feel his heart beating as fast as mine. It did not show on his face, though, and all he did was kiss the top of my head as I made myself comfortable against him, suddenly weary. Going to the cemetery seemed to have taken more out of me than what I had thought.
“She wouldn’t mind this, would she ?” I asked.
I felt his smile against my skin.
“No … I don’t think she would.”
Author : lomelinde_sama
Pairing : past 1xR (Heero/Relena), past unrequited 4+R (Quatre/Relena), 1+4+1
Fandom : Gundam Wing
Theme : #6 - the space between dream and reality
Rating : R
Warnings : angst, mentioned death, Quatre POV, New Type-ness, post-EW (AC 230). Sequel to #20 - Rest in Peace.
Disclaimer : Those yummy boys belong to Sunrise and Bandai. Which are not me. The title comes from the lyrics of the song I listened to while writing, Something in my Eyes from the Weiss Kreuz soundtrack.
Cross-posted to my writing journal peacemillion.
“Make yourself at home,” I said with an ironic smile.
I technically owned the whole apartment building, but I could count the nights I had spent in the penthouse on one hand. My schedule was so hectic that having a permanent residence was just wishful thinking anyway. All of my pieds-à-terre were tastefully and neutrally decorated. The only personal touch was held in a simple frame that always found its way to my bedside table, no matter where I was.
I toed my shoes off in the entrance hall and Heero did the same after a slight hesitation.
“I’ll be right back,” I said.
I left him in the living-room and went to drop my tie and jacket on my bed. I briefly debated changing clothes altogether, but decided not to. Someone I had loved for most of my life was dead, it had taken me two years to pay my respects, and her husband had literally stumbled on me while I did. Oh, and let’s not forget our mutual admission that we still loved each other. Mud stains from her grave on the knees of my pants were hardly going to make the situation any tenser at this point.
Heero was sitting on the couch with his eyes closed, his own jacket abandoned on the armrest.
“Tea ?” I suggested. He never drank alcohol, and neither did I.
He nodded without opening his eyes, and I padded into the kitchen. I took my time to select a brew I knew we would both enjoy, and just stared at the two white mugs I had taken out of the cupboard while waiting for the water to simmer. I was stalling and I knew it. Heero knew it too, and I was grateful that he did not call me on it.
“Don’t you have anything better to do ?” he asked when I finally came back into the living-room and handed him a steaming cup.
I shrugged and sank into the armchair with a weary smile.
“I was supposed to have dinner with President Andersen, but I’ll call to cancel.”
He frowned and took a sip of his tea.
“You’re going to stand the elected President of the ESUN up.”
“Yes.”
“Why ?”
“Because I can. If he wants a dinner date with me that much, I’m pretty sure we can reschedule. He’s intelligent enough to remember who he owes his political career to. He likes staying on my good side.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said softly, looking straight at me over the brim of his mug.
“I know,” I sighed, and he let it slide. Again.
Neither of us spoke for a while. We just drank our tea and pretended very hard that we were not acutely aware of each other’s presence, that we did not feel the weight of her gaze on us. The silence was so thick that when Heero eventually put his empty cup down on the coffee table, the scrape of porcelain on wood made me give a start. He glanced at me quizzically, and I laughed nervously. I could feel the tension in the room like an electric current running on my skin. It had always been special, with the two of them. No one else could put me on edge quite like that.
Had I chosen to pursue only one of them back then, I probably would have succeeded. But I had refused to make that choice. They had made it for me, by choosing each other, and I was not bitter or jealous even for a second. They had never made light of my feelings for them, and in turn I never allowed it to interfere in what was the closest friendship I had ever experienced with anyone. I was more than happy to remain a bachelor. I never lacked willing partners if the need arose, and there was no great pressure for me to get married and produce an heir, since I could pick one among my eighty nephews and nieces quite easily.
It had worked for us. And then she had died.
“Is it what it was supposed to be like ?” Heero asked in a whisper.
“What ?”
“Peace.”
“… I don’t know,” I ended up saying. “I guess so.”
“I didn’t know it would be that …” He stopped, at a loss for words.
“Painful ?” I offered.
He smiled grimly and patted the couch at his side.
“We’re too old for this,” he said. “Come here.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and put my cup down next to his, slowly moving from my armchair to the couch. I did not know what to do with myself as I sat down next to him, but he solved the problem by putting his arm around my shoulders, making me lean on him. I felt his fingers rubbing my arm and I realized I was cold.
“I … I miss her,” I said very low, not looking at him.
“I know.”
I scooted closer to him and he held me tighter. I could feel his heart beating as fast as mine. It did not show on his face, though, and all he did was kiss the top of my head as I made myself comfortable against him, suddenly weary. Going to the cemetery seemed to have taken more out of me than what I had thought.
“She wouldn’t mind this, would she ?” I asked.
I felt his smile against my skin.
“No … I don’t think she would.”