Comments | 30_dogpile: Final Fantasy VII: 2

purplekitte in 30_dogpile

Final Fantasy VII: 2 - Strong

Jan 25, 2007 10:50

Title: Nothing If Not Strong
Author/Artist: purplekittePairing: Cloud/Zack/Sephiroth/Aeris overall, this one: Zack/Sephiroth, Zack/Cloud, Zack/Cloud/Sephiroth (I'm sorry, Aeris. I'll try to get you into the next fic ( Read more... )

jamie02, final fantasy vii, zack, cloud strife, !themejamie, sephiroth

Comments 2

tresa_cho January 25 2007, 17:08:34 UTC

Heehee. Silly Cloud. Of course he wants in. *pets*

Interesting idea here, I don't think you gave it quite enough time to develop though. Try slowing down the dialog a bit, and let the characters show their emotions through actions and dialog tags and such.

Also, try to make your humor a bit more subtle. That's the sort you want to go for with stories like this. An example:

Cloud had forgotten how to breathe. And fainted.

Instead of all the words that make the sentence really long and slow to read, try something like:

Cloud forgot how to breathe. And fainted.

Just a suggestion. I really do like your story, it was cute.

purplekitte January 25 2007, 17:47:38 UTC

Yeah, it is a big disjointed, mostly because I wrote it in too many parts too far apart and most of it during class. And many immense trouble with dialogue I've always had, but Zack just makes it more glaringly obvious than usual.

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I'm glad you found it cute, though.