20. cacophany
34436 / 50000
Okay, didn't quite make 35k by midnight, but I *did* have a 5k day, and that feels pretty damn awesome. I'm over 2/3 of the way through and I'm finally starting to feel like I'm heading towards the end.
20. cacophany
Katie.
2028 words
The common room is packed as the students wait for Doug to make some sort of surprise announcement. He's running late, probably because he's faffing around sorting out costumes or props or whatever stupid things he thinks he needs just to tell them that Ofsted is coming to evaluate the college soon. Katie's sitting with JJ, but they're not really talking and she's trying to avoid looking at him too much. She still hasn't told Emily that she slept with him, but it's just an excuse; she doubts Emily will actually give a shit, but if Katie pretends that it still has to be a secret then it means she doesn't really have to deal with it. They haven't done anything else since Valentine's Day, and it's not like Katie's trying to avoid JJ or anything, but for some reason she doesn't feel ready to jump into something proper.
It's not that she doesn't like him, because she actually really does.
Effy walks into the room and Katie feels her chest constrict; Katie definitely has been avoiding Effy, and now Effy's walking straight towards her and Katie has nowhere to go.
"Katie," Effy says, her voice all rough and scratchy, "I need to talk to you."
"I don't think now's the best time, do you?" Katie says, squaring her shoulders. "I mean, Doug's meant to be giving a talk."
"Since when do you give a shit about what Doug has to say?"
"It might be something important," Katie says, even though she hardly believes it, "which is more than can be said for whatever it is you have to say, so like, fuck off."
Effy folds her arms and says, "You've been avoiding me, Katie."
"I'm not fucking avoiding you, I just have no reason to spend any time in your presence."
"We need to have a conversation," Effy says, and for a moment she sounds sort of desperate and needy. "Please."
"What could we possibly have to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," Effy says, raising her voice. "How about the fact that we fucked?"
Katie freezes; she can feel all the blood drain from her face. The room falls silent and everyone in the vicinity turns to stare at them.
"You had sex with Effy?" Emily asks, but Katie can't bring herself to answer, can't make herself say anything at all.
Naomi frowns at Emily and says, "Why do you even care?"
"I don't," Emily says, and she shuts up.
"Hold on," JJ says, "was this before or after you had sex with me?"
Cook laughs. "You shagged Katie? Nice one, mate. Well done."
Katie eventually finds her voice and says, "Shut the fuck up, Effy. You're such a fucking liar."
"I'm not lying," Effy says, perfectly calm now. She doesn't look around her at anyone else, she just keeps her gaze fixed right on Katie. "You know I'm not. So shall we talk about it, or what?"
"Fuck off. I've got nothing to say to you."
Dignity in tatters, Katie leaves the room--walking; she won't give Effy the satisfaction of seeing her run--and she nearly knocks into Doug as he enters the room wearing some sort of ridiculous Gladiator hat.
As soon as she's out of the room she breaks into a run, trying to get as far away from Effy as possible, and once she's outside the college she collapses against a wall, out of breath. Tears start pricking her eyes, but she wipes them away, telling herself furiously that she won't cry. She's so fucking sick of Effy and the way she makes her feel, the way she seems intent on humiliating her at every fucking opportunity. Katie doesn't know what she ever fucking did to deserve this.
When she hears someone say her name she almost has a heart attack until she realises that it's JJ.
"Oh," she says. "Hi." She takes a deep breath and tries to pretend that she's not on the verge of tears. She doesn't want anyone to see her like this, but at least with JJ she knows he's not going to laugh or anything.
"Hi," he says, and he leans against the wall next to her. "So. Was it true what Effy said? Did you sleep with her?"
"Um, yeah," she says, staring straight at the ground so she doesn't have to look him in the eye. "But it was before us."
"Okay," he says, and when she does venture a glance at him, he's nodding. "I--I don't quite understand why."
"Have you ever just like, fucked someone out of complete self-loathing?"
"Well, no," he says. "But I'm friends with Cook, so I am familiar with the concept."
"Right," she says. "Well, yeah. But I mean, it's over."
"So it was just one time?"
She scratches at her nose and says, "Um, three, actually."
"Oh," he says. "So it was--a thing?"
"Not really. It was stupid, and it's never going to happen again. I mean, she's like--she's fucking insane, for starters."
He nods some more, and then says, "Okay. Well, here's the thing. I like you, Katie. Quite a lot, actually. And I think we'd be good together, and I'd like to be your boyfriend, if you'd like that as well. Just--just don't go messing me around." He comes to the end of his speech and nods once more.
Katie smiles at him and shrugs. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah, okay," she says. "If you like me, why don't you ask me out on a date?"
"Oh," JJ says. "Okay. Would you like to go on a date with me?"
"Yeah, I would. Tomorrow, yeah? Pick me up at seven."
"Okay. And--where should I take you?"
Katie raises her eyebrows. "Do I have to tell you everything myself? Get Cook or someone to tell you what to do on a date."
JJ furrows his brow. "I don't think Cook really takes girls on dates. He just shags them."
"Yeah, well, if you play your cards right maybe there'll be some of that too."
"Really? I'd--I'd like that." He pauses. "Am I allowed to kiss you now, or does that have to wait until the date too? I'm not entirely clear on the protocol."
She laughs, and when he smiles hopefully at her, she kisses him. It's almost enough to make her forget what just happened in the common room, or at least not care quite so much, but then she hears a voice.
"Oh." It's Effy, standing there watching them. Just for a moment, she looks vulnerable, but then she says, "Don't mind me," and walks off.
Katie turns back to JJ, taking a deep breath to calm herself. "Seven, yeah? Don't be late."
---
Katie's mind is a whirl for the rest of the day, and that evening she's uncommunicative at dinner, picking at her food and not listening to her dad blather on about the gym or whatever. Whenever she glances across the table Emily gives her a weird look. She's probably feeling the same way Katie felt when she first caught Emily snogging Naomi at that party a whole lifetime ago, except the difference is that Emily's actually gay and Katie's not, she just did something stupid. She can't bear Emily looking at her like this, all concerned and hurt at the same time, so she stares down at her plate and refuses to meet her eye.
"Is something wrong, Katie?" her mum asks eventually, when her dad's stopped talking long enough for her to get a word in edgeways.
"No, Mum," she says, rolling her eyes.
"Now, don't be like that. You're very quiet today, Katie. Are you sure nothing's upsetting you?"
"I said I'm fine." She tries to make it sound final and her mum gives up questioning her, but then fucking James pipes up.
"Gordon McPherson's sister Amelia McPherson goes to Roundview and he said that she heard that Katie fucked Effy Stonem."
Katie drops her fork; it's the only sound that can be heard at the table, because everyone else is deadly silent, staring straight at her.
"Don't be stupid," she says, trying and failing to sound defiant. "Why would I do that? I don't even like girls, and I definitely don't like Effy Stonem."
No one says anything in reply, they all just stare at her, and then Emily eventually says, "Obviously she was getting confused with me."
"That's what I thought at first, too," James said. "I told Gordon that you're the gay one, but he said it was definitely Katie."
"Obviously it wasn't," Katie says, kicking him under the table for good measure.
"Katie, Emily, are either of you going to explain what's going on?" their mum asks. "That girl assaulted you, Katie. Tell me neither of you are involved with her."
"Of course not," Katie says quickly.
"It's just a stupid made-up rumour, Mum," Emily says. "Neither of us like her."
"And I'm not gay," Katie says. "I have a boyfriend, actually."
Katie's mum's expression completely changes; a look of huge relief crosses her face. "That's wonderful, Katie." It's kind of patronising, actually.
"So who is the lucky fella?" her dad asks; he looks relieved to be back on to a less distressing topic of conversation.
"It's, um, JJ," she says.
"Emily's JJ?" her mum asks.
"He's not mine," Emily says, sounding exasperated.
"Oh, right, I remember," their dad says, frowning at the memory. "Bit of a funny chap, isn't he? Not quite right in the head."
Katie nearly shouts at him; instead, she grips onto the table tight and says, "Yeah, well, he's kind of autistic, if you must know, but he's fine really."
"Isn't that one of those fancy made-up words for when someone's just a bit dim?"
"He's going to Oxford, actually," Katie says, glaring at him, "so clearly he's much cleverer than you." She pushes her chair back with a loud scrape and storms out of the room, marching upstairs to her bedroom. Her fucking parents. This must have been what it was like for Emily when she first came out to them.
Shortly after the door closes behind her, it opens again and Emily walks in, sitting down on her bed opposite Katie.
"Hey," she says, with a slight shrug. "They're all fucking idiots."
"I'd noticed."
Emily smiles at her. "So, you and JJ? I'm happy for you."
"Thanks," Katie says. "He's nice."
"Yeah, he is." Emily pauses for a while and then says, "So what was that about Effy? Was it true what she said?"
At first Katie considers lying, but there's probably no point in keeping it a secret from Emily. She shrugs and says, "Um, yeah."
"Oh." Emily's eyes widen with surprise. "I didn't actually believe it."
"It was stupid, yeah. It just... happened."
"What, you accidentally slept with her?"
"No! I don't know, it was stupid, and the first time I was drunk--"
"You slept with her more than once?"
Katie feels like throwing something. "Shut the fuck up, okay? She just like, infects everyone else with her crazy and makes them think they want her when the actually don't, you know?"
"Yeah, I know." Emily gets up from where she's sitting and settles on the end of Katie's bed. "She, er. She kissed me."
"What?"
"Twice, actually. Once on New Year's Eve, then a couple of weeks ago." She sighs. "I actually keep thinking about it. So, yeah, I know what she's like."
Katie knew Effy was fucked up, but she never quite realised the extent. "Why would she try to fuck with you? I mean, I get it with me, but what did you ever do to her?"
"I think she's just lonely. Maybe if she liked you but you wouldn't talk to her, she saw me as a substitute or something. I don't know."
Katie thinks she could go mad trying to figure Effy out. "Whatever," she says after a while, trying to pretend that she doesn't care. "I don't actually give a fuck about her any more."
She feels like a fraud. Cook said one time that Effy got under people's skin; Katie doesn't know how, but it's happened to her.