Comfort - When they turned fourteen and were still sleeping in the same bed, their mothers stopped calling it: ‘just kids being kids’ and learned to look away to comfort their Catholic souls.
Kiss - When E tells Vince he’s getting married; Vince kisses him so hard he splits Eric’s lip and leaves with his mouth tasting like blood and salt.
Soft -They’re leaned against the door of a bathroom in Brooklyn because it has no lock and people are outside yelling that they have to piss because it’s the only bathroom at the party but Vince leans in and whispers: “I think I really like you.”
Pain - When Vince is 3,000 miles away and Eric is so fucked up he’s throwing punches at anyone who cuts their eyes at him, both of them learn the measure of pain all over again.
Potatoes - On the way to Atlantic City in Drama’s Lincoln, Turtle pulls them over at a potato field and they get so stoned that Vince goes streaking and Turtle has to chase him and Eric…Eric just pretends to look away.
Rain - There is nothing like December rain in Queens-or the first time E watches it with a bottle of Jack instead of Vince (who just had to go to Lala Land and get famous.)
Chocolate - E buys Sloan chocolates the morning after Vince gives him a blowjob in the shower, and then pushes her away when she tries to show her appreciation because he still has bite marks on his hips.
Happiness - That first time hurts like you wouldn’t believe-and Vince barely does believe it-but then there’s Eric’s gentle blue eyes hovering over him and all Vince can say is: “I’m okay, E, keep going.”
Telephone - “Fuck you,” Vince says-all choked up from repressed tears-“you can’t even pick up the phone to say sorry,” and then he watches Eric’s eyes go dark and E just throws him the meanest little smirk and murmurs: “sorry, Movie Star.”
Ears - E has listened to Vince fuck for years, listened to the countless whimpers and moans and screams of thousands of girls, but he’ll never tell him of the one time he took a pretty, sharp-eyed boy home with him from Kress and fucked him on Vince’s bed-because he liked to think of Vince sleeping in the dried sweat of his old lovers.
Name - Vince doesn’t want to know if Sloan will change her name to Murphy, but then after deciding he doesn’t want to know, it becomes all he can think about.
Sensual - Eric has done things for Vince he would never have dreamed of doing for someone else and shown it in the strangest ways: handcuffs, blindfolds, public places, undying loyalty.
Death - “I can’t anymore, Vince,” Eric says as he makes a point not to push Vince’s curls out of his wet, aqua eyes, “we have to grow up.”
Sex - Eric sits across from Sloan and holds her hand-his eyes downcast at her stomach, trying to see a bump-and wondering what he’s supposed to say to his mom when he calls home to Queens.
Touch - They fight at the edge of the infinity pool overlooking LA and Vince punches Eric hard enough that he trips backwards into the water.
Weakness - Vince knows Amanda’s full of shit when she says he and E have an ‘odd’ relationship-in fact, their relationship would be perfectly normal if Eric would just admit he can’t sleep without Vince beside him.
Tears - Eric loses his virginity on prom night to a skinny, shaky girl who promised him her cherry and then tells him she lied-she actually lost her virginity to Vince three months earlier behind the bowling alley.
Speed - Vince’s first sports car is Vince’s first car accident and, oh god, it makes him nauseous just to think of the sound of that grinding metal against the rail guard and the way that name floated to the surface even though he hadn’t seen him in six months: “Eric.”
Wind - In Joshua Tree, Vince gets Eric wedged up between two huge boulders-which is amazing in itself because Vince isn’t anywhere near as muscular as his clothes make him look-and kisses him and kisses him until Eric can’t breathe right and says: “Vince,” and it’s so good to hear him talk again.
Freedom - For three days, Vince is so happy Eric’s gone that he doesn’t even notice the ache building inside him until he finds himself bawling in a washroom stall at LAX nightclub.
Life - Eric wanted him to fight back when he said he was moving out, waited until they were alone just so they could fight, and then doesn’t know what to do when Vince just shrugs and says: “cool.”
Jealousy - It’s not jealousy but whatever it is, it twists up Vince’s guts something awful when he watches a slinky brunette wearing a shirt cut down to her navel put her hand on Eric’s thigh.
Hands - “You kinda do have small hands,” Vince mumbles into Eric’s ear when they’re pressed up against the wall of bathroom eight of 12 at the Marx’s, and Eric just squeezes Vince tighter with one of those hands and Vince bites back a cry.
Taste - At sixteen, Turtle hates gin; but he steals a bottle from his mom’s cabinet and drinks himself stupid with it anyway, because nothing else is going to wipe clean the image of Eric on his knees in front of Vince.
Devotion - When E says Anna Faris wants him as her manager, Vince forgets the name of the girl he was just kissing.
Forever - Eric’s already down on one knee, the ring box open for Sloan, before he realizes this is forever and it’s not even close to what he wants.
Blood - The first time Vince’s dad punched him, he ran over to Eric’s and cried on the bedroom floor while Eric kissed his face, tasting blood and tears and something else that was all Vince but still pure pain.
Sickness - After walking in on them that first night E was in LA, Johnny went to his bathroom and quietly threw up because he didn’t want to hurt Vince’s feelings.
Melody - Vince doesn’t sing much, but when he does, the sound is so good and clean that it makes Eric’s heart hurt and he has to put down the script he’s reading and just take it in.
Star - They don’t even get the tuxes all the way off before they’re fucking and after, Vince laughs and murmurs: “I guess we have to keep the suits now."
Home - When Eric found Vince in Mexico, he cupped his chin and kissed him-beard and all-right there in front of Turtle, and told him it was time to come home and be his man.
Confusion - That first kiss was followed by the first punch and then a desperate scramble to get clothes off and find skin.
Fear - They used to sneak into horror movies together because they couldn’t afford the tickets and sit way in the back, holding hands in the safe darkness and biting back cries of fear and whimpers of pleasure.
Lightning/Thunder - “Touch me,” Eric begs, “just do it, Vin, no one’ll hear us over the storm.”
Bonds - When Vince doesn’t come to him for two months, Eric just assumes what he always does: he never deserved Vince anyway, honestly, have you seen the guy?
Market - At random moments, Eric forcibly puts Vince back on the market and makes him fuck around with models and actresses like it’s his 9-to-5 (which it is, anyway) so that the tabloids don’t get suspicious of they way he and Vin live together.
Technology - After he left, Eric jumped at every phone call, every text message or e-mail, forever waiting for the one that would say: I miss you, come back, V.
Gift - Vince hands him the box before the Gatsby premiere with a tender little smile and whispers: “always you, E, only you.”
Smile - Vince can’t lie to Eric, he doesn’t know how to, so when the love wanes and then fades away, he just sits him down and tells him.
Innocence -Theirs is a relationship of hot pressure; of illicit snatches of sensuality in bathrooms or under the table at crowded nightclubs, while their girlfriends look on obliviously and whisper love into their ears.
Completion - “Don’t answer,” Vince mumbles against Eric’s thigh, shoving the cell phone off the hotel bed, “Ari can wait, but I won’t.”
Clouds - Eric never really gets over the tightening in his gut when the plane taxies down the runway, but he’ll always go because it’s the only time Vince can hold his hand in front of Turtle and Johnny and no one says anything.
Sky - LA is so different, with its little burps of skyscrapers here and there-Eric feels like he can’t hide with all that sky watching him.
Heaven - “The world moves for love; it kneels before it in awe,” Vince murmurs into Eric’s ear and E laughs about Vince ripping off M. Night Shyamalan’s movies to get laid.
Hell: Vince going through withdrawal is easily the lowest point of Eric’s life because he’s so fucking helpless and Vince looks so scared-his hungry aqua eyes searching the room for something he can’t have and looking right through Eric.
Sun - Sloan’s got a kind of light about her-it radiates from her soul-and Vince knows that Eric’s mom loves her and that everyone loves her and that the wedding is going to be perfect he’ll puke.
Moon - Eric hated California from the start but learned to love it a bit when he saw Vince’s skin under moonlight on the dark sand.
Waves - Vince turns away from his kiss and says: “Don’t, E, I don’t want to cause any waves with Sloan.”
Hair - After Vince leaves him, Eric gets so lonely that he goes to a gay bar and takes home a boy with black, curly hair just like Vince and moans the wrong name into this boy’s ear all night.
Supernova: There’s one second near the end when Eric suddenly decides he wants to live, he wants to call Vince and tell him that he’s so fucking sorry he proposed to Sloan, he’s so sorry; but when he raises his hand to reach for his phone, nothing happens-and a black supernova swallows him whole.