round 4 - team future - siehe, ich lebe (look, i am living)
Title: siehe, ich lebe (look, i am living)
Pairing: unrequited!niallxLouis
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2, 171
Warning(s): n/a
Summary: There was a reason Niall never dated. That reason happened to be Louis Tomlinson.
A/N: Okay, then. This exists. I'd also like to say I managed to write a Nouis story without giving Louis any dialogue or even any real direct action. I'm actually not sure how that happened.
There was a reason Niall never dated.
There was a reason that ten years after One Direction had ended, when they were all well into their thirties and long moved on to new careers, when really all they were to each other were memories and Christmas cards and phone calls on birthdays and really not much else, when four of them were in steady, long term relationships, it was Niall who was still a perpetual bachelor and eternally single.
That reason happened to be Louis Tomlinson.
Niall wasn't a romantic, not really. He wasn't big into wasting time on something doomed from the word 'go', either, which was what made falling in love with Louis so stranger for him, and even stranger still when it lasted fifteen years and showed no signs of lessening.
It probably wasn't entirely too strange, though, considering that Louis and Niall were the only ones to remain in any sort of continuous contact after One Direction had split. They were also the ones who stayed out of the public spotlight the most--Harry and Liam had both gone solo, and Zayn was essentially a trophy husband who did award shows and judging stints and Dancing With The Stars once (Louis and Niall had piled into Louis' living room and laughed their asses off at that, because Zayn still could not dance). There was also the fact that Liam had come out as gay, which had completely thrown the fans who had expected it to pretty much be any of the others--and the only ones who worked together on a regular basis.
Niall had gone into sound engineering, while Louis worked as an actor and occasionally an advisor for an up and coming boy band (Niall questioned Louis' decision daily), and that band worked with Niall regularly. Niall also ended up working on most of the soundtracks for shows and movies Louis appeared in, and so Niall never really managed to escape Louis.
Their jobs meant that Louis and Niall stayed friends, and the thing was the closer you got and the longer you stayed there, the more you fell in love with him. Niall was convinced if he'd managed to find a life that wasn't tangled up in Louis, he'd be able to move on.
But here he was, thirty-three, unmarried and desperately in love with entirely the wrong person.
And now One Direction was getting back together for a reunion tour, and Harry had always been frighteningly good at reading Niall, and if he found out Niall hadn't gotten over it like he'd said he would, nine years ago...well, Harry had the ability to make Niall's life hell.
Not for the reasons the fans would have thought--Harry wasn't in love with Louis, and there certainly wouldn't be any jealous declarations of territory (because all there had ever been between Harry and Louis had been an incredibly close friendship that Niall had envied)--but because Harry knew Louis, and he knew Niall, and he knew how broken Louis left the people he loved. The only way that would end would be with Harry dragging Niall away from Louis.
As much as Niall hated being in love with Louis, he hated the idea of being separated from Louis even more. He felt fairly justified in being vaguely afraid of going on tour. All too soon, it was tour time, and Niall was all packed up and ready to go.
They met up in stages--Zayn and Harry met up in Germany, then tracked down Liam in London. Louis flew in two days later from a location shoot, and Niall was the last, coming in from Ireland where he'd been spending a week with his family before the tour. Two weeks before their ten-date tour began, they were all in London, rehearsing and choreographing and falling back into old, familiar patterns.
Niall knew Harry knew something was up, but the two weeks pre-tour were always chaotic and no one was ever top form or fully themselves. It wasn't easy to avoid Harry, but it was easy to find plausible excuses Harry had to believe until their final day of dress rehearsal.
"Do you even know what you're doing?" Harry asked, when they were standing on stage and waiting for the choreographer to stop yelling at Zayn, who'd somehow managed to trip over a mike stand and send Liam, Louis, and the guitarist sprawling, nearly destroying three props and his costume in the process. "Or are you just fumbling along blind?"
Niall decided it would be easier to play dumb. "Well, I've yet to fall over, if that's what you mean?"
"I meant with Louis," Harry said. "Seriously. Are you even trying? Do you know what you're doing?"
Niall shrugged. "Does anyone know?"
And that was that, Harry dropped it with an exasperated sigh.
The next day, Harry stuck to Liam, and Niall to Louis, and everything was almost as it had been the last time they toured nearly a decade ago. Niall pined, and Harry sighed, Liam and Zayn gave disapproving looks and Louis was oblivious.
The first show was a rousing success, and they had a pit of a post-first-show ritual, congregating in one of their rooms and drinking enough that interviews the next day were miserable beyond belief. Niall thought their original reasoning had been if they were all massively hung over on their first day of interviews, all subsequent and successive interviews would be less miserable and more tolerable in comparison. Currently, it was just an excuse to get massively drunk and do something stupid. Paul would have tried to confiscate their liquor or at least supervise, but their security-slash-tour manager this time around didn't particularly care what they did, so long as it wasn't illegal. Maybe it was because they were all adults and had been adults for the whole time their tour manager had known them. Paul had always been paternal towards them, and had attended Liam, Harry, and Zayn's weddings.
But whatever the reason, they were all piled into Harry's hotel room, setting up for a night of being far too energetic, of working on getting drunk, of yelling and dancing and generally winding down from the high and nerves of a first show.
Liam was on the phone with his husband, and Zayn and Louis were picking out music to dance to (and debating if they should keep the music to a reasonable volume or if they should test just how soundproof the walls were--Niall somehow knew that this discussion was only going to end one way: with ridiculously loud music and someone getting yelled at for the volume level) while Harry was doing his best limpet impression on Niall's side, chattering happily (albeit slowly) about everything they'd done in the past five hours. They were all starting to get buzzed (except for Liam, who refused to touch any alcohol until he'd called his husband) and so Niall was more endeared by Harry's ramble than annoyed.
"We know, Haz, we were there," he said affectionately, petting Harry's head. "You don't have to tell us."
Liam hung up and grinned. "Okay, phones off, music up, you lot can get drunk."
"It's hilarious how you still think we're not going to get you drunk, Li," Zayn said, laughing a bit, and Liam shrugged and accepted the drink Louis practically shoved at him, and they all fell into a familiar routine.
After seven years of being in a band, Niall knew exactly what kind of drunks his bandmates were, and ten years after the fact, they hadn't changed all that much. It was sort of nice to know none of them had become violent angry drunks and stayed the affectionate goofballs they'd always been.
Liam didn't drink as much as the rest of them, but he was a chatty drunk, falling on the morose side of the spectrum. Harry tended to either strip off or cuddle, depending on what he drank, and sometimes he was both, which was awkward for anyone who wasn't used to him. Zayn got a bit more outgoing and cuddled--a common theme for all of them when drunk--and Niall laughed a lot more.
And Louis? He was an affectionate handsy drunk.
So it wasn't really surprising when he kissed each of them on the mouth, then settled on Niall's lap and attempted to make out with him and his cheekbones. Louis was drunk, and so was Niall, but that didn't mean Niall wasn't aware. Besides, he'd wanted this for so long that he couldn't say no.
They bid their goodnights to the others and avoided Liam's knowing look and Zayn's concerned one and Harry's look of plain upset. Niall knew this was a mistake (because what else could it be?) but he couldn't bring himself to care when Louis was sliding cold hands under Niall's jumper, and kissing him, and he couldn't protest when Louis pushed him into bed and sucked a dark lovebite just under Niall's ear, and he definitely didn't have a problem when Louis began to strip off.
He didn't really regret it the morning after, when Louis woke him with an adoring smile and a slick handjob, and everything felt so right it couldn't be wrong. That set the tone for the rest of the ten-date tour, Louis and Niall lost in each other. It was both the happiest and the most scared Niall had ever been, finally having Louis and just waiting for it to end, like every other relationship Louis had ever had.
Harry wasn't too pleased with either of them and made it very clear what he thought of the relationship, but Louis was Louis, and he got what he wanted, and Niall didn't really argue against it either.
On the last night of tour, Harry cornered Niall and pulled him out onto the hotel roof to watch the sunrise.
"I'm gonna miss this," Harry said, and Niall laughed.
"Touring? It's pretty insane, mate, but I'd rather go back to the studio. And you've got tours of your own anyways."
"Not the same, being on a big stage all by yourself. It's not so lonely with you four." Harry shrugged deeper into his jacket and stared at the pink twilight sky. "I've got a band and all, and it's been years, but...we all started together. Have we really not talked about this?"
"Not really, I guess," Niall said, and appreciated how quiet it was, just them talking and the sounds of a city just starting to wake up. "Then again we haven't talked much in a long time."
They fell into a companionable silence, and Harry leaned on Niall's shoulder, humming softly. "You're not the only person to have his heart broken by Louis, you know," he said eventually. "But you're probably the only one stupid enough to stick around and stay in love with him after."
Niall made a noise of protest that Harry waved off. "I do no--"
"You do so, don't argue. Hear me out." Harry took a deep breath and continued. "I went through it, and Liam and Zayn too. It's not your fault--it's him, and he falls in love at the drop of a hat, and you, you're not wired like that. So yeah, he's kissing you, and holding you, and for as long as he's interested, it's fantastic, because it's half your life you've been in love with him, and maybe it seems like everything you've ever wanted, but he'll drop you soon, and you'll be even more hurt."
Harry carded his fingers through Niall's hair as they sat in silence for a moment, Harry trying to figure out how to continue and Niall trying to figure out how to react. "Why even do you care?" Niall said finally, bluntly. "We're not exactly a band anymore."
"You're still my friend." Harry rolled his eyes. "Liam and Zayn are worried too."
"Why would they worry?"
"Because no one deserves to be hurt," Harry said simply, and that was what convinced Niall.
The tour was over, and he didn't have any obligations for the next month, and it was easy, so easy, to run away for as long as he could, to hide away from Louis and try to open his eyes.
It made Harry happy to have Niall away from Louis, and Niall didn't mind staying with the Styles family, with Harry's wife and their energetic toddlers. It was a peaceful month, and Niall hadn't the heart to tell Harry when he goes back he'll just fall in love again and the cycle will repeat.
Niall knew that he wasn't made for fairytale endings, or even happiness.
He's content enough being in love with someone who won't ever love him back, and that's okay. After fifteen years, he certainly knows his own mind.
This--the love of friends, and his love for Louis, and the knowledge that Louis will never love him back--this is all that Niall will ever want.
Pairing: unrequited!niallxLouis
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2, 171
Warning(s): n/a
Summary: There was a reason Niall never dated. That reason happened to be Louis Tomlinson.
A/N: Okay, then. This exists. I'd also like to say I managed to write a Nouis story without giving Louis any dialogue or even any real direct action. I'm actually not sure how that happened.
There was a reason Niall never dated.
There was a reason that ten years after One Direction had ended, when they were all well into their thirties and long moved on to new careers, when really all they were to each other were memories and Christmas cards and phone calls on birthdays and really not much else, when four of them were in steady, long term relationships, it was Niall who was still a perpetual bachelor and eternally single.
That reason happened to be Louis Tomlinson.
Niall wasn't a romantic, not really. He wasn't big into wasting time on something doomed from the word 'go', either, which was what made falling in love with Louis so stranger for him, and even stranger still when it lasted fifteen years and showed no signs of lessening.
It probably wasn't entirely too strange, though, considering that Louis and Niall were the only ones to remain in any sort of continuous contact after One Direction had split. They were also the ones who stayed out of the public spotlight the most--Harry and Liam had both gone solo, and Zayn was essentially a trophy husband who did award shows and judging stints and Dancing With The Stars once (Louis and Niall had piled into Louis' living room and laughed their asses off at that, because Zayn still could not dance). There was also the fact that Liam had come out as gay, which had completely thrown the fans who had expected it to pretty much be any of the others--and the only ones who worked together on a regular basis.
Niall had gone into sound engineering, while Louis worked as an actor and occasionally an advisor for an up and coming boy band (Niall questioned Louis' decision daily), and that band worked with Niall regularly. Niall also ended up working on most of the soundtracks for shows and movies Louis appeared in, and so Niall never really managed to escape Louis.
Their jobs meant that Louis and Niall stayed friends, and the thing was the closer you got and the longer you stayed there, the more you fell in love with him. Niall was convinced if he'd managed to find a life that wasn't tangled up in Louis, he'd be able to move on.
But here he was, thirty-three, unmarried and desperately in love with entirely the wrong person.
And now One Direction was getting back together for a reunion tour, and Harry had always been frighteningly good at reading Niall, and if he found out Niall hadn't gotten over it like he'd said he would, nine years ago...well, Harry had the ability to make Niall's life hell.
Not for the reasons the fans would have thought--Harry wasn't in love with Louis, and there certainly wouldn't be any jealous declarations of territory (because all there had ever been between Harry and Louis had been an incredibly close friendship that Niall had envied)--but because Harry knew Louis, and he knew Niall, and he knew how broken Louis left the people he loved. The only way that would end would be with Harry dragging Niall away from Louis.
As much as Niall hated being in love with Louis, he hated the idea of being separated from Louis even more. He felt fairly justified in being vaguely afraid of going on tour. All too soon, it was tour time, and Niall was all packed up and ready to go.
They met up in stages--Zayn and Harry met up in Germany, then tracked down Liam in London. Louis flew in two days later from a location shoot, and Niall was the last, coming in from Ireland where he'd been spending a week with his family before the tour. Two weeks before their ten-date tour began, they were all in London, rehearsing and choreographing and falling back into old, familiar patterns.
Niall knew Harry knew something was up, but the two weeks pre-tour were always chaotic and no one was ever top form or fully themselves. It wasn't easy to avoid Harry, but it was easy to find plausible excuses Harry had to believe until their final day of dress rehearsal.
"Do you even know what you're doing?" Harry asked, when they were standing on stage and waiting for the choreographer to stop yelling at Zayn, who'd somehow managed to trip over a mike stand and send Liam, Louis, and the guitarist sprawling, nearly destroying three props and his costume in the process. "Or are you just fumbling along blind?"
Niall decided it would be easier to play dumb. "Well, I've yet to fall over, if that's what you mean?"
"I meant with Louis," Harry said. "Seriously. Are you even trying? Do you know what you're doing?"
Niall shrugged. "Does anyone know?"
And that was that, Harry dropped it with an exasperated sigh.
The next day, Harry stuck to Liam, and Niall to Louis, and everything was almost as it had been the last time they toured nearly a decade ago. Niall pined, and Harry sighed, Liam and Zayn gave disapproving looks and Louis was oblivious.
The first show was a rousing success, and they had a pit of a post-first-show ritual, congregating in one of their rooms and drinking enough that interviews the next day were miserable beyond belief. Niall thought their original reasoning had been if they were all massively hung over on their first day of interviews, all subsequent and successive interviews would be less miserable and more tolerable in comparison. Currently, it was just an excuse to get massively drunk and do something stupid. Paul would have tried to confiscate their liquor or at least supervise, but their security-slash-tour manager this time around didn't particularly care what they did, so long as it wasn't illegal. Maybe it was because they were all adults and had been adults for the whole time their tour manager had known them. Paul had always been paternal towards them, and had attended Liam, Harry, and Zayn's weddings.
But whatever the reason, they were all piled into Harry's hotel room, setting up for a night of being far too energetic, of working on getting drunk, of yelling and dancing and generally winding down from the high and nerves of a first show.
Liam was on the phone with his husband, and Zayn and Louis were picking out music to dance to (and debating if they should keep the music to a reasonable volume or if they should test just how soundproof the walls were--Niall somehow knew that this discussion was only going to end one way: with ridiculously loud music and someone getting yelled at for the volume level) while Harry was doing his best limpet impression on Niall's side, chattering happily (albeit slowly) about everything they'd done in the past five hours. They were all starting to get buzzed (except for Liam, who refused to touch any alcohol until he'd called his husband) and so Niall was more endeared by Harry's ramble than annoyed.
"We know, Haz, we were there," he said affectionately, petting Harry's head. "You don't have to tell us."
Liam hung up and grinned. "Okay, phones off, music up, you lot can get drunk."
"It's hilarious how you still think we're not going to get you drunk, Li," Zayn said, laughing a bit, and Liam shrugged and accepted the drink Louis practically shoved at him, and they all fell into a familiar routine.
After seven years of being in a band, Niall knew exactly what kind of drunks his bandmates were, and ten years after the fact, they hadn't changed all that much. It was sort of nice to know none of them had become violent angry drunks and stayed the affectionate goofballs they'd always been.
Liam didn't drink as much as the rest of them, but he was a chatty drunk, falling on the morose side of the spectrum. Harry tended to either strip off or cuddle, depending on what he drank, and sometimes he was both, which was awkward for anyone who wasn't used to him. Zayn got a bit more outgoing and cuddled--a common theme for all of them when drunk--and Niall laughed a lot more.
And Louis? He was an affectionate handsy drunk.
So it wasn't really surprising when he kissed each of them on the mouth, then settled on Niall's lap and attempted to make out with him and his cheekbones. Louis was drunk, and so was Niall, but that didn't mean Niall wasn't aware. Besides, he'd wanted this for so long that he couldn't say no.
They bid their goodnights to the others and avoided Liam's knowing look and Zayn's concerned one and Harry's look of plain upset. Niall knew this was a mistake (because what else could it be?) but he couldn't bring himself to care when Louis was sliding cold hands under Niall's jumper, and kissing him, and he couldn't protest when Louis pushed him into bed and sucked a dark lovebite just under Niall's ear, and he definitely didn't have a problem when Louis began to strip off.
He didn't really regret it the morning after, when Louis woke him with an adoring smile and a slick handjob, and everything felt so right it couldn't be wrong. That set the tone for the rest of the ten-date tour, Louis and Niall lost in each other. It was both the happiest and the most scared Niall had ever been, finally having Louis and just waiting for it to end, like every other relationship Louis had ever had.
Harry wasn't too pleased with either of them and made it very clear what he thought of the relationship, but Louis was Louis, and he got what he wanted, and Niall didn't really argue against it either.
On the last night of tour, Harry cornered Niall and pulled him out onto the hotel roof to watch the sunrise.
"I'm gonna miss this," Harry said, and Niall laughed.
"Touring? It's pretty insane, mate, but I'd rather go back to the studio. And you've got tours of your own anyways."
"Not the same, being on a big stage all by yourself. It's not so lonely with you four." Harry shrugged deeper into his jacket and stared at the pink twilight sky. "I've got a band and all, and it's been years, but...we all started together. Have we really not talked about this?"
"Not really, I guess," Niall said, and appreciated how quiet it was, just them talking and the sounds of a city just starting to wake up. "Then again we haven't talked much in a long time."
They fell into a companionable silence, and Harry leaned on Niall's shoulder, humming softly. "You're not the only person to have his heart broken by Louis, you know," he said eventually. "But you're probably the only one stupid enough to stick around and stay in love with him after."
Niall made a noise of protest that Harry waved off. "I do no--"
"You do so, don't argue. Hear me out." Harry took a deep breath and continued. "I went through it, and Liam and Zayn too. It's not your fault--it's him, and he falls in love at the drop of a hat, and you, you're not wired like that. So yeah, he's kissing you, and holding you, and for as long as he's interested, it's fantastic, because it's half your life you've been in love with him, and maybe it seems like everything you've ever wanted, but he'll drop you soon, and you'll be even more hurt."
Harry carded his fingers through Niall's hair as they sat in silence for a moment, Harry trying to figure out how to continue and Niall trying to figure out how to react. "Why even do you care?" Niall said finally, bluntly. "We're not exactly a band anymore."
"You're still my friend." Harry rolled his eyes. "Liam and Zayn are worried too."
"Why would they worry?"
"Because no one deserves to be hurt," Harry said simply, and that was what convinced Niall.
The tour was over, and he didn't have any obligations for the next month, and it was easy, so easy, to run away for as long as he could, to hide away from Louis and try to open his eyes.
It made Harry happy to have Niall away from Louis, and Niall didn't mind staying with the Styles family, with Harry's wife and their energetic toddlers. It was a peaceful month, and Niall hadn't the heart to tell Harry when he goes back he'll just fall in love again and the cycle will repeat.
Niall knew that he wasn't made for fairytale endings, or even happiness.
He's content enough being in love with someone who won't ever love him back, and that's okay. After fifteen years, he certainly knows his own mind.
This--the love of friends, and his love for Louis, and the knowledge that Louis will never love him back--this is all that Niall will ever want.