Sweet Valley High #133 - To Catch A Thief.
OK, the next one in the Chateau d' Amour collection: To Catch a Thief (except, no thief is actually caught but I'm sure thats irrelevant, kind of like, 'That Fatal Night' where nobody died). The title should give some clues about the plot line, anyway, and for all those Jacques fans out there, he's in this book a lot more!
To read the recap of 132: Once Upon a Time, please click the link.
Trilogy cover:
Here's the actual book cover:
The twins are trapped in a dungeon wearing what appears to be matching wedding gowns, but they are supposed be ball gowns. Also, in the book, they don't match. But, unimportant detail I'm sure. I'm not sure who is who but I think it's Liz with her head against the door, and Jessica looking more fierce, purely because that's how it's described (sort of) in the book plus we all know, in a crisis, it's Jessica who eventually does the saving (as seen in SVT Deadly Voyage, SVT Nightmare Mansion Arc, SVH Kidnapped, and many more besides). Liz just does that 'dying swan' expression much more efficiently, I think.
OK, speaking of Liz, she's who we begin with. She feels as if she is in a dream come true, riding a horse alongside a real life handsome prince. They are returning to the Chateau from their impromptu picnic and it's after midnight. Despite this, the royal dinner party that Laurent skipped to be with Liz is still going on, and Liz grimaces as she sees the haughty Countess dancing. We then get a nice long winded two page explanation about how the twins came to be in France, Todd being a jerk, and how rude the Countess is, daring to treat the Wakefield twins as inferior. Laurent has to part from Liz, as he doesn't want to be seen by his parents, and they share a tender moment and finally have a 'deep, searing kiss.' This boy sure moves fast, or is Liz just easy? It's only their first date, after all! Laurent wants to show Liz to her room, however, (i'll just bet he does) so he takes her through the secret tunnels. Liz makes a sarcastic joke about the di Riminis and Laurent laughs nervously and doesn't comment. Trusting Liz puts it down to embarrassment about his family's friendship with the Countess and dismisses it (more fool you Elizabeth). Laurent notes how the passage isn't locked as it usually is, and how someone must have used it recently (Jacques). Laurent drops her off, even though Liz notes a passionate look in his eye (no, there is no date rape, attempted or fake, in this book, it just implies it) and says how perfect it feels to be with her, if only..........he doesn't finish the sentence, and kisses her again.
Jessica is all snuggled up in her room with Jacques. He could be an axe murderer or anything, but, true love leads the way. They have a conversation and Jacques tells her he loves her, which makes her cry from happiness. They kiss and Jessica feels how they belong together forever. However, Jacques says he must go, and any tender feelings Jessica has melt away as she has a go at him for taking advantage (of what, I'm not sure, 'cos I'm pretty sure she didn't give him the V). However, he calls her an angel and she goes all mushy again, and off he goes. Very mysterious behaviour from both males there!
Laurent & Liz hear someone (Jacques) leaving and decide he'd better leave so he won't be caught. Laurent leaves and Liz goes into her room, reflecting on just how angry Jessica's going to be in the morning as Liz skipped her babysitting duties. Very, I'd think. We then have not only the bog standard twinny twin twin description, but also the past book recapped. Liz also has some patronising thoughts about Jacques and Louis, about how corny they were on the train. If only she knew Jacques & Jess had been snuggling not fifteen minutes before. She thinks how glad she is Jacques has gone out of their lives, and then she commits the largest underestimation of the century and thinks that Jessica can't get into much trouble on a small, private island. Before sleeping, she thinks she and Laurent are destined to be together.
The next morning, Jessica wakes early and looks at the necklace Jacques gave her on the train. She feels all excited and happy about him, when she hears a soft tapping on the door. Jacques steps in, and appears extremely surprised to see her awake as it's so early. Even if it was midday he should be surprised. He stammers about how he was, err....hoping to surprise her while she slept and they kiss. She pushes him away, however, thinking she doesn't want him getting too overconfident in their relationship or some such bollocks. She tells him to leave the room for a few minutes and he refuses. Jessica blows a fuse, slightly, and he leaves, telling her she is very stubborn. I'd have thought she would like him being in there, all alone, with noone else awake - this is Jess after all. She smiles to herself and thinks about how great it will be when she waltzes in to greet the royal family with Jacques at her side (even though she knows now he's not really a Duke?)
At breakfast, the kids are messing about and Liz has little patience with them. Laurent sneaks up on her to surprise her and a maid who's in the room, Brigette, goes all starstruck and shy and dashes out the room. Liz thinks about the lack of social equality and the French Revolution, and we hear about how Laurent is embarrassed to be treated that way. He thinks about how his family are stuck in the middle ages, forcing him into traditions......They have a nice breakfast and Laurent admires (pervs on) Liz from afar, about her soft skin and blue eyes, and he thinks to himself, 'if only I were free...'' Now, whatever could that mean?
Jacques is waiting outside Jessica's room when she finally emerges, after spending about an hour getting dressed. He mumbles about how long it's taken and she snaps his head off, but all is forgiven when he says he is so impatient because he always wants to be with her. FLIRT ALERT, FLIRT ALERT! Or should that be sleaze alert? He says he loves her (these French are quick) and she says it back (Jessica is easy). Jessica goes back to redo her lipstick and he follows her, pleading about needing to talk. She again orders him out the room (maybe even she is getting perturbed by this need to be in her room) but he refuses point blank this time and tells her he can't be seen with her at the Chateau. Jessica loses it and accuses his royal status of being the problem; he's embarrassed to be seen with her, a lowly servant. Somehow along the way, Jessica's mind has completely managed to erase the fact that she knows Jacques isn't any sort of royalty at all. Jacques says how, no, it's the de Sainte-Maries, they hate him and would apparently sic their wild dogs on him and tear his body to shreds. Jessica thinks how she hasn't seen any wild dogs on the estate (seriously) and listens as Jacques come out with some tale, ahem, I mean, obviously true story about how his family and the de Sainte-Maries are sworn enemies from a fued dating back in the fourteenth century over land. That is one hell of a grudge. He also adds in how he personally would love to make up with them, but his father would disown him, which of course gets Jessica and I'm sure she doesn't want to be indirectly possible for yet another crisis. Jessica's mind changes gear and thinks how romantic it will be, sneaking around all summer, and how at the end of it she will be married to the Duke of Norveaux some day. I wish I had incredible truth wiping powers in my mind. They kiss and all is sorted, for now.
Later on, Jessica goes to take over the kids, humming happily. Liz demands to know, a) why Jessica is early, and b) why she is so happy. Jessica, who doesn't recriminate her for not showing up the day before, tells Liz all about Jacques showing up and the feud. She gushes about how romantic it all is, but when Liz gently points out the de Sainte-Maries might not like her sneaking around if they find out, Jessica gets angry and eventually flips it back at Liz, asking what went on with Laurent the night before. Liz meekly apologises and it actually states Jessica 'savours the victory over her twin'. Sociopath. She also tells Liz that she will cover for her when Jacques comes to see her, as Liz owes her it, which Liz lies down and takes. I've seen a good doormat in town, now if only I could find a dress pattern, Liz could wear it, as that is what she is! In fact......I am so riled I have to make a picture!
I'm also tempted to make one saying Liz is a moron but I'm on lunch and don't currently have the time. Shame!
Liz leaves Jessica and the kids and walks round stewing about Jaqcues and the fact Jessica appears to have completely fallen for the fake charmer. She gets lunch and takes it to the stables, where, coincidentally, she bumps in Laurent. He says he was just about the saddle up Cendrillon and Pardallion and come looking for her. They go for a picnic lunch and Laurent talks about life a royal, about how he hates the confines they have to live in and how they are treated differently because of their birth status. They decide to ride to Laurent's cottage (I bet) and on the way Liz calls Laurent a wonderful person, at which he goes all moody and says, "I wonder if you would think that if you knew...." She questions it, and he races her to the cottage before she can ask anymore, which of course makes her forget all about it. Of course. She wins and they have a tender kiss (although she randomly thinks of Todd and feels guilty whilst kissing Laurent - ewww)
Liz is late back - AGAIN - and Jess fumes! Anna brings in more post for Liz, from Enid and Maria, and Jess feels all superior about how boring Liz's friends are if they have time to write to her. Erm, how many letters have you received. Jess? Little Miss Popular...or....NOT! Liz rushes in all apologetic, and Jess is about to explode but Liz gets all wistful about the fact there is no letter from Todd and Jess feels guilty about the burnt letter and cools off. She thinks about how better Laurent is for Elizabeth, even though she has heard a rumour about how Laurent is supposed to be getting it on with...Antonia! She decides not to tell Liz because Liz would just step aside and let Antonia have the Prince, so she is helping her sister grow a backbone and fight for him. Whafuck? He lives in France, Jessica, how long do you honestly think their overseas romance would last!
Liz goes upstairs to quickly shower before dinner (as Jess was feeling so bad she offered to watch the kids a bit longer - Elizabeth is concerned about Jessica's sudden generosity - 'she's either going to try to manipulate me into doing something I don't want to do, or she's hiding something.' Just a bit of both, don't worry! ) As she goes past the formal parlour, she gets intercepted by Antonia de Rimini, who accuses her of being lazy and tells her she doesn't have the 'noble breeding' to rise above her station. Liz snaps back about how, in America, they reserve breeding records for animals (good comeback) and rushes off, with Antonia's final comment, "it's when you're standing next to nobility you look your shabbiest," ringing in her ears. Miaow! I don't know whether this means Antonia is suspicious about Liz's intentions to her beloved Laurent or whether this little interlude was just to make Antonia look even more of a bitch. Liz slaps her fist into her palm, wishing it was Antonia's face (ELIZABETH! I'm shocked!) and showers, thinking that the narrow mindedness of the di Riminis is their problem, and thankfully Laurent doesn't think that way. Liz, you still have so much to learn!
Jacques shows up the next evening to see Jessica and they get all lovey in the gardens. He offers to teach her some French phrases about how ravishing she is, (very romantic, or is that pervy in a kinky schoolteacher kind of way) and acts all offended when she says she doesn't want a French quiz at that very second (she'd prefer to be doing something else entirely with the whole teacher act). She gives in and he insists they go to her room to find a notebook to write the phrases down in. He pulls her all the way to her room, but she goes into Liz's room to get a notebook because of course, she doesn't have one, and Jacques goes into her room. She thinks he's a little odd, but sexy, so never mind. When she goes into her room, she finds Jacques rummaging around in her discarded clothing. So many thoughts about Jacques having a fondness for used underwear come into my mind here but I'm not giving into them. He says he was folding her clothes for her, as a surprise. Pause for a moment to ruminate on this. Weirdo. He then says he wanted to prove he is a modern guy, not a male chauvinist. This guy is s-m-o-o-t-h, I'll give him that! She lets him off but tells him to stop tidying up as she doesn't care about the mess, but he starts lining up all her make up containers. Maybe has has an OCD disorder. He even has the nerve to tell Jess she can wait for him outside in the rose garden if she likes, so he can have the room in perfect order for her. My brain is shouting CREEP ALERT! CREEP ALERT! When this fails to impress her, he asks her about the costume jewellery he gave her on the train, and asks to have it back. Jessica reveals it's hiding place under the pillow, but refuses to give it back on the basis it gives her sexy sweet dreams. He says she deserves better than fake jewels but she is not convinced and they leave the room. Meanwhile, Liz has been reading the kids a fairy story about a prince and she thinks how much she likes Laurent and how she could marry him and be a princess. Aww, she lurves him!!!
The next morning, Laurent is summoned to his parents' chambers. They tell him by royal custom he has to marry so he can take over his Father's throne. Laurent objects, saying he isn't ready, but his dad insists and gives him five days to choose his bride, so an announcement can be made at the royal ball at the weekend. He tells them he is in love with Elizabeth but they insist that she is below his royal bearing and there is too much at stake for that to happen, as Laurent could secure an important political alliance....
Jacques and Louis are at a cafe. Louis has pulled two young ladies who must have a thing for old perverts, and they are to spend the day on their yacht with them. Louis then asks about Jacques' weekend, and he has to admit he failed to get the emerald from Jessica. Jacques promises to try harder, as Louis promised it to one of their shady clients and it could be nasty if he doesn't get it soon, even if it means hurting his true love, Jessica.
Liz is feeding the children when Anna comes in and tells Liz about the ball to be held that weekend. The twins are invited, presumably so they can have everything that is royal stuffed in their faces at every opportunity. She imagines dancing with Laurent (like that's going to happen) and Anna tells her she can choose a suitable outfit from the guest wardrobe. Liz is also disappointed because Laurent hasn't come to see her when he said he would. Jessica is also upset because Jacques hasn't come to see her either. Poor twins! Late that night, Jessica sneaks downstairs to help herself to leftovers in the fridge (perfect size six going out the window) and on the way back she bumps into the Countess di Rimini. She accuses Jessica of treating the Chateau like a hotel, sneaking around at all hours. She also calls Jessica's manners deplorable (correct). Jessica goes and moans to Liz about the Countess, and Liz says she is even worse than Bruce Patman (like that's a fair comparison, really).
The next day, Liz decides to go and see Laurent at his cottage, as he hasn't bothered to make the effort to come see her. She checks herself out in the mirror, thinking maybe she does look shabby (not a WAKEFIELD twin surely!) but then her natural self confidence kicks in and she thinks how good her own style looks and off she goes to bug Laurent. At the cottage, however, his reception is less than welcoming. He is cold to her and tells her how busy he is opening his post. What a lame excuse, almost as bad as washing his hair. She goes to leave but he sits with her on the couch, where she spills all her fears about embarrassing herself at the royal ball. If she is hoping for reassurance, however, she's wrong, because he just says, "I can see how you would feel that way, not having been brought up in the culture." He then tells her some waffle about how he is a product of heritage and there's an entire world of difference between her people and his. Bastard! Liz is all hurt and quietly leaves crying. Doormat! She rushes to the rose garden to try and smooth her injured feelings, feeling how something must be wrong with her (apart from her blatant ability to choose the wrong man) where Laurent suddenly materialises and apologises, asking for more time to be understood or something. She gives him a (tiny) bit of grief and adds a biting comment about how she doesn't have a pedigree, but he then gets all upset so she forgives him. And they kiss. And swap I Love You words. Hands up who wasn't expecting that.
Meanwhile, Jessica and Jacques are again meeting up, this time on the beach. He tells her that, when with her, it's like Norveaux doesn't exist, which flares her suspicions for, oh, about two seconds. They kiss and she shivers with...delight? Passion? Flu? Erm, anyway, he instantly tells her they should go up to her room, as she's cold. She isn't, and won't. Then he says he's cold. She does ask him if all French guys are so strange but he avoids that by saying he's, erm, ill! And coughs. Loudly. Jessica is all concerned, but not enough to allow him into her room, as she doesn't want to be seen by the Countess. She tells Jacques, who sighs and tells her to never let anyone, not even him, push her around. Eventually, however, she gives in and they sneak upstairs. They go in her room and when she looks at Jacques he is stretched out on her bed, groaning, with his hand....under....the....pillow. Nowhere else. He begs for some water, so Jessica goes to get him some; however, as she leaves the room, the fake coughing stops. Looking through a crack in the door, she sees him looking at the jewellery case she had hidden under the pillow. Jessica is fucked off, seriously, and bursts back in the room primed for battle. He leaps on him and wrestles the case from him. They end up laughing about it, even though Jessica is still angry and demands an explanation. Is this girl thick or what! He says he wanted to give her a surprise, thats why he faked being sick. He was going to replace the pendant with a bracelet (courtesy of fit girl on yacht as mentioned earlier, but maybe without her prior consent....). Jessica is thrilled but insists on keeping the necklace, too, greedy bitch, because it means a lot to her. He argues but they are interrupted by Anna knocking on the door. Jacques hides under the bed, but after Anna's gone he acts all guilty because he could potentially get Jess in a lot of trouble (like she'd care). They kiss, and he tries to wrestle to case off her again, but it's no go. He leaves and on the way down we get to hear about how much of a tight spot he's in; he doesn't want to hurt Jessica because he wuvs her but he needs the pendant for her dad to pay off their debts. Poor, poor thieving Jacques! He dare not go back empty handed.....
Liz goes back to the chateua after she and Laurent have declared their true wuv as well. She is all happy in the knowledge they love each other very deeply. She then overhears (snoops on) two maids gossiping about her and Laurent, about how he looks at Liz like he loves her and then they mention a..............betrothal! About how the engagement will be announced at the ball at the weekend, how it will benefit the royal family, and how Elizabeth will come to learn the ways of the nobility and find her happiness. Liz takes it that Laurent has decided all this without even consulting her, and gets all upset and has to go upstairs and write a literary piece in her journal about it. Can anyone else a fly in the ointment with this? Jessica comes in to show off her new bracelet but Liz is too preoccupied and when Jess goes on about how romantic France is, Liz cries all over her. Jessica assumes it's because Liz has found out about Laurent having to marry Antonia, but no, Liz thinks it's about her and Jessica becomes instantly convinced that that's the case as well. Liz cries, Jess encourages the idea and then Anna (finally) comes back. She tells the twins that the children have to take part in a tableau at the ball, a still image of a famous scene. What jolly fun that would be. The twins, of course, are in charge of this.
The next morning, Jessica is rudely awoken from her dream on sex on the beach with Jacques, I mean, ahem, showing off to Lila in her palace, by screams from the Countess. Something has been stolen - Antonia's diamond necklace, and they are insisting the servants have stolen it. Antonia screams that it must have been the American twins, and demands them strip searched. Strip searched? Kinky. Princess Catherine leads the hysterical woman away and Nicolas tells them the guards will be searching the wing. Suspicious stuff.... The Countess insists the guards march round the palace checking every room for the necklace. Jessica comes up with a theory that the Countess and Antonia have made an elaborate plan to hide the necklace (and the stolen pendant) and commit insurance fraud. Like, they'd need the money? The twins decide to snoop round the Countess' and Antonia's room to try to find it. Very odd Liz behaviour. All they find is some old chewing gum underneath the sofa cushions, eeww! In Antonia's room, they find out that she's a neat freak and lines her underwear and socks up in neat, colour coordinated rows. What's the harm in that, eh! Erm...moving on....they also find a part eaten chocolate bar stash hidden in the wardrobe. All very exciting stuff, but no necklace. Then...oh noes...the Countess comes back and the twins have to hide underneath the bed. The Countess makes a suspicious phone call concerning a 'smooth transaction' and 'complications,' and how things have been 'planned to the very last detail.' Then she leaves. This, of course, confirms all of Jessica's suspicions about the fraud, and even Liz is pretty certain. When the old hag leaves, they carry on hunting but to no avail. Jessica wants to ask Jacques to help them, as he knows the secret passages, and because she's an idiot.
Speaking on Jacques, we find out he's slept in a linen cupboard next to Jess' room all night. Then we hear about how Louis was very pleased with the diamond necklace but he still needs the emerald. If anyone hasn't guessed yet, Jacques is the thief. Apparently, Louis is ill with worry so Jacques made a plan to sneak into Jessica's room when she was asleep and steal it (because she wouldn't notice or anything). But, he fell asleep. So, now it's daytime and he has to wait because the servants are cleaning. So he waits, and he waits, until they leave and he sneaks in. He gets his greasy mitts on the emerald only for Jessica to walk in. The twins have been practising the tableau with the children - they're doing a scene from Cinderella and are choosing their costumes. Jessica is playing the fairy godmother, of course, and she's decided the emerald pendant will be perfect as a jewel to offset her headpiece. This may not go down well with the Countess. Just sayin'. Anyway, so she goes up to her room to get it, only to find Jacques in there. She's really happy to see him, instead of being alarmed he's in her room going through her private possessions without permission, and he gets all upset and declares his undying love. She cries (??) and hugs him, only to feel a suspicious shape in his trousers. THIS ISN'T AN ERECTION! It's the jewellery box, of course. She's furious, especially when he calls her ignorant for liking such a piece of apparent junk (even though you'd think she'd be able to notice it isn't a paste copy). She tells him they're over and, taking the case, rushes out crying to find Liz, who of courses comforts her. Upon returning to their rooms later that evening, they find the place in disarray. The Countess has insisted all the servants' rooms be searched, including the twins. Surely this would be illegal? But, it's been done, and nothing has been found (because of course, Jessica took the pendant with her). There's a slightly funny aside where Liz is horrified by the state of Jessica's searched room, but Jessica isn't even sure if people have been in there at all - oh no, wait, she finds a nail polish she hasn't seen for three days so they must have. Lol. The next day, the twins and the children practise the tableau scene, leading up to the royal ball. Jessica wears the pendant for the practice, thinking how amazing she looks (as per usual, right). Liz is all distracted, thinking of Laurent and the announcement of their engagement. She's also thinking of Todd, but we'll skip that boring bit. She decides to go and talk to Laurent before the ball that night. Big mistake! Laurent is stuck at the cottage with Antonia and the Countess, being snobby about Americans and Antonia is insisting on holding his hand and arranging their honeymoon. Laurent feels doomed, apparently, but he isn't man enough to stand up and say he doesn't want to marry Antonia just to keep the Countess happy, he wants Elizabeth. Nor is he man enough to tell Liz any of this. Don't worry, she's about to find out....
Liz is hurrying to his cottage, all eager to spill her fears and hopes for a future with Laurent, the prince she's known all of two weeks. Upon arriving, however, what does she see but Laurent holding Antonia's hand. In a heartbeat, it all comes clear to her. The engagement is Laurent's one to Antonia, not to her. She gets all angry and confronts him. The Countess tells her Americans aren't noble, and she fights back, but Laurent the worm doesn't say anything, and she deflates faster than a popped balloon and runs off bawling. No punches, no pool pushes, no nothing :-(! Laurent then decides to chase her (bit late, lover boy) and he declares his love and they kiss (DOORMAT SYNDROME!!!) She cries, but he won't turn his back on his duty and honour to his father, and she leaves.
Back at the Chateau, Jess comforts Liz, which is a role reversal for a change. Liz sure has cried a lot and we're not even on the last book yet! Jess is feeling her least favourite emotion, guilt, because she didn't tell Liz about Antonia. She tells Liz to pull her act together, because they have less than an hour to get ready for the tableau at the ball that night, saying the children will be upset. Liz goes into bossy mode, and orders everyone into getting ready. She does Jessica's hair, using the emerald pendant to secure everything in place and makes sure it's visible. Bad move!
The time for the tabeau finally rolls around. The Countess and Antonia are doing one as well, but nobody guesses what it is. The Countess is furious about this, as she thinks she has been slighted. Turns out they were Zeus and Hera, even though one guest thought they were Miss Universe and the runner up, lol! When the twins and the children perform theirs, Laurent spends the time perving on Elizabeth. The Countess and Antonia come back out to the audience, where the Countess proceeds to take the piss and insult the twins to Laurent.Laurent eventually tells her to leave, and the Countess nearly dies of shock. Except, she isn't offended by Laurent's comment after all. Yes, that's right, she's spotted the pendant. She shrieks out loud and ruins the tableau, calling the twins 'shameless' and storms out. Later that evening, Jessica is getting ready for the ball when the guard comes in and take her away to be locked up in the dungeon. Then they go after Elizabeth, who has the children. (The kids have told Liz they are going to play a practical joke on the Countess, by putting a load of crabs in her bed, heh). The guards storm in and take Liz away. Laurent is summoned to his parent's chambers, where they then tell him the twins have been accused of stealing the pendant. Prince Nicolas believes it to be true, and his doubts rub off on Laurent, who has already proven himself a spineless creep, so we shouldn't be surprised. In the dungeon, Jessica states her innocence, saying the pendant isn't even valuable. Jessica, Jessica, wake up. She is convinced Jacques will save them, even though they aren't speaking. Liz then points out that maybe, just maybe, the pendant might be real after all, and maybe it is the one stolen from the Countess on the train in the first book. Jessica finally gets it and, oh dear, finally realises that Jacques is a thief and maybe his only reason for returning to the C
Chateau was to get it back. Oh Noes. Well, actually, we know he wuvs her but she doesn't know that! Poor, poor Lizzie and Jess! And that's where we'll leave them for now, trapped in the dungeon with no hope of rescue....
What will happen next? Will they make a hole in the wall and escape? Will they become lesbians and charm the guards into letting them go free? Wait and see in book 134: Happily Ever After.
Guys, I'm sorry for the wait of this recap,been a hectic time at work and just so much going on. But, in honour of Valentines Day, I will try and get the final part of the arc written up and posted asap!
To read the recap of 132: Once Upon a Time, please click the link.
Trilogy cover:
Here's the actual book cover:
The twins are trapped in a dungeon wearing what appears to be matching wedding gowns, but they are supposed be ball gowns. Also, in the book, they don't match. But, unimportant detail I'm sure. I'm not sure who is who but I think it's Liz with her head against the door, and Jessica looking more fierce, purely because that's how it's described (sort of) in the book plus we all know, in a crisis, it's Jessica who eventually does the saving (as seen in SVT Deadly Voyage, SVT Nightmare Mansion Arc, SVH Kidnapped, and many more besides). Liz just does that 'dying swan' expression much more efficiently, I think.
OK, speaking of Liz, she's who we begin with. She feels as if she is in a dream come true, riding a horse alongside a real life handsome prince. They are returning to the Chateau from their impromptu picnic and it's after midnight. Despite this, the royal dinner party that Laurent skipped to be with Liz is still going on, and Liz grimaces as she sees the haughty Countess dancing. We then get a nice long winded two page explanation about how the twins came to be in France, Todd being a jerk, and how rude the Countess is, daring to treat the Wakefield twins as inferior. Laurent has to part from Liz, as he doesn't want to be seen by his parents, and they share a tender moment and finally have a 'deep, searing kiss.' This boy sure moves fast, or is Liz just easy? It's only their first date, after all! Laurent wants to show Liz to her room, however, (i'll just bet he does) so he takes her through the secret tunnels. Liz makes a sarcastic joke about the di Riminis and Laurent laughs nervously and doesn't comment. Trusting Liz puts it down to embarrassment about his family's friendship with the Countess and dismisses it (more fool you Elizabeth). Laurent notes how the passage isn't locked as it usually is, and how someone must have used it recently (Jacques). Laurent drops her off, even though Liz notes a passionate look in his eye (no, there is no date rape, attempted or fake, in this book, it just implies it) and says how perfect it feels to be with her, if only..........he doesn't finish the sentence, and kisses her again.
Jessica is all snuggled up in her room with Jacques. He could be an axe murderer or anything, but, true love leads the way. They have a conversation and Jacques tells her he loves her, which makes her cry from happiness. They kiss and Jessica feels how they belong together forever. However, Jacques says he must go, and any tender feelings Jessica has melt away as she has a go at him for taking advantage (of what, I'm not sure, 'cos I'm pretty sure she didn't give him the V). However, he calls her an angel and she goes all mushy again, and off he goes. Very mysterious behaviour from both males there!
Laurent & Liz hear someone (Jacques) leaving and decide he'd better leave so he won't be caught. Laurent leaves and Liz goes into her room, reflecting on just how angry Jessica's going to be in the morning as Liz skipped her babysitting duties. Very, I'd think. We then have not only the bog standard twinny twin twin description, but also the past book recapped. Liz also has some patronising thoughts about Jacques and Louis, about how corny they were on the train. If only she knew Jacques & Jess had been snuggling not fifteen minutes before. She thinks how glad she is Jacques has gone out of their lives, and then she commits the largest underestimation of the century and thinks that Jessica can't get into much trouble on a small, private island. Before sleeping, she thinks she and Laurent are destined to be together.
The next morning, Jessica wakes early and looks at the necklace Jacques gave her on the train. She feels all excited and happy about him, when she hears a soft tapping on the door. Jacques steps in, and appears extremely surprised to see her awake as it's so early. Even if it was midday he should be surprised. He stammers about how he was, err....hoping to surprise her while she slept and they kiss. She pushes him away, however, thinking she doesn't want him getting too overconfident in their relationship or some such bollocks. She tells him to leave the room for a few minutes and he refuses. Jessica blows a fuse, slightly, and he leaves, telling her she is very stubborn. I'd have thought she would like him being in there, all alone, with noone else awake - this is Jess after all. She smiles to herself and thinks about how great it will be when she waltzes in to greet the royal family with Jacques at her side (even though she knows now he's not really a Duke?)
At breakfast, the kids are messing about and Liz has little patience with them. Laurent sneaks up on her to surprise her and a maid who's in the room, Brigette, goes all starstruck and shy and dashes out the room. Liz thinks about the lack of social equality and the French Revolution, and we hear about how Laurent is embarrassed to be treated that way. He thinks about how his family are stuck in the middle ages, forcing him into traditions......They have a nice breakfast and Laurent admires (pervs on) Liz from afar, about her soft skin and blue eyes, and he thinks to himself, 'if only I were free...'' Now, whatever could that mean?
Jacques is waiting outside Jessica's room when she finally emerges, after spending about an hour getting dressed. He mumbles about how long it's taken and she snaps his head off, but all is forgiven when he says he is so impatient because he always wants to be with her. FLIRT ALERT, FLIRT ALERT! Or should that be sleaze alert? He says he loves her (these French are quick) and she says it back (Jessica is easy). Jessica goes back to redo her lipstick and he follows her, pleading about needing to talk. She again orders him out the room (maybe even she is getting perturbed by this need to be in her room) but he refuses point blank this time and tells her he can't be seen with her at the Chateau. Jessica loses it and accuses his royal status of being the problem; he's embarrassed to be seen with her, a lowly servant. Somehow along the way, Jessica's mind has completely managed to erase the fact that she knows Jacques isn't any sort of royalty at all. Jacques says how, no, it's the de Sainte-Maries, they hate him and would apparently sic their wild dogs on him and tear his body to shreds. Jessica thinks how she hasn't seen any wild dogs on the estate (seriously) and listens as Jacques come out with some tale, ahem, I mean, obviously true story about how his family and the de Sainte-Maries are sworn enemies from a fued dating back in the fourteenth century over land. That is one hell of a grudge. He also adds in how he personally would love to make up with them, but his father would disown him, which of course gets Jessica and I'm sure she doesn't want to be indirectly possible for yet another crisis. Jessica's mind changes gear and thinks how romantic it will be, sneaking around all summer, and how at the end of it she will be married to the Duke of Norveaux some day. I wish I had incredible truth wiping powers in my mind. They kiss and all is sorted, for now.
Later on, Jessica goes to take over the kids, humming happily. Liz demands to know, a) why Jessica is early, and b) why she is so happy. Jessica, who doesn't recriminate her for not showing up the day before, tells Liz all about Jacques showing up and the feud. She gushes about how romantic it all is, but when Liz gently points out the de Sainte-Maries might not like her sneaking around if they find out, Jessica gets angry and eventually flips it back at Liz, asking what went on with Laurent the night before. Liz meekly apologises and it actually states Jessica 'savours the victory over her twin'. Sociopath. She also tells Liz that she will cover for her when Jacques comes to see her, as Liz owes her it, which Liz lies down and takes. I've seen a good doormat in town, now if only I could find a dress pattern, Liz could wear it, as that is what she is! In fact......I am so riled I have to make a picture!
I'm also tempted to make one saying Liz is a moron but I'm on lunch and don't currently have the time. Shame!
Liz leaves Jessica and the kids and walks round stewing about Jaqcues and the fact Jessica appears to have completely fallen for the fake charmer. She gets lunch and takes it to the stables, where, coincidentally, she bumps in Laurent. He says he was just about the saddle up Cendrillon and Pardallion and come looking for her. They go for a picnic lunch and Laurent talks about life a royal, about how he hates the confines they have to live in and how they are treated differently because of their birth status. They decide to ride to Laurent's cottage (I bet) and on the way Liz calls Laurent a wonderful person, at which he goes all moody and says, "I wonder if you would think that if you knew...." She questions it, and he races her to the cottage before she can ask anymore, which of course makes her forget all about it. Of course. She wins and they have a tender kiss (although she randomly thinks of Todd and feels guilty whilst kissing Laurent - ewww)
Liz is late back - AGAIN - and Jess fumes! Anna brings in more post for Liz, from Enid and Maria, and Jess feels all superior about how boring Liz's friends are if they have time to write to her. Erm, how many letters have you received. Jess? Little Miss Popular...or....NOT! Liz rushes in all apologetic, and Jess is about to explode but Liz gets all wistful about the fact there is no letter from Todd and Jess feels guilty about the burnt letter and cools off. She thinks about how better Laurent is for Elizabeth, even though she has heard a rumour about how Laurent is supposed to be getting it on with...Antonia! She decides not to tell Liz because Liz would just step aside and let Antonia have the Prince, so she is helping her sister grow a backbone and fight for him. Whafuck? He lives in France, Jessica, how long do you honestly think their overseas romance would last!
Liz goes upstairs to quickly shower before dinner (as Jess was feeling so bad she offered to watch the kids a bit longer - Elizabeth is concerned about Jessica's sudden generosity - 'she's either going to try to manipulate me into doing something I don't want to do, or she's hiding something.' Just a bit of both, don't worry! ) As she goes past the formal parlour, she gets intercepted by Antonia de Rimini, who accuses her of being lazy and tells her she doesn't have the 'noble breeding' to rise above her station. Liz snaps back about how, in America, they reserve breeding records for animals (good comeback) and rushes off, with Antonia's final comment, "it's when you're standing next to nobility you look your shabbiest," ringing in her ears. Miaow! I don't know whether this means Antonia is suspicious about Liz's intentions to her beloved Laurent or whether this little interlude was just to make Antonia look even more of a bitch. Liz slaps her fist into her palm, wishing it was Antonia's face (ELIZABETH! I'm shocked!) and showers, thinking that the narrow mindedness of the di Riminis is their problem, and thankfully Laurent doesn't think that way. Liz, you still have so much to learn!
Jacques shows up the next evening to see Jessica and they get all lovey in the gardens. He offers to teach her some French phrases about how ravishing she is, (very romantic, or is that pervy in a kinky schoolteacher kind of way) and acts all offended when she says she doesn't want a French quiz at that very second (she'd prefer to be doing something else entirely with the whole teacher act). She gives in and he insists they go to her room to find a notebook to write the phrases down in. He pulls her all the way to her room, but she goes into Liz's room to get a notebook because of course, she doesn't have one, and Jacques goes into her room. She thinks he's a little odd, but sexy, so never mind. When she goes into her room, she finds Jacques rummaging around in her discarded clothing. So many thoughts about Jacques having a fondness for used underwear come into my mind here but I'm not giving into them. He says he was folding her clothes for her, as a surprise. Pause for a moment to ruminate on this. Weirdo. He then says he wanted to prove he is a modern guy, not a male chauvinist. This guy is s-m-o-o-t-h, I'll give him that! She lets him off but tells him to stop tidying up as she doesn't care about the mess, but he starts lining up all her make up containers. Maybe has has an OCD disorder. He even has the nerve to tell Jess she can wait for him outside in the rose garden if she likes, so he can have the room in perfect order for her. My brain is shouting CREEP ALERT! CREEP ALERT! When this fails to impress her, he asks her about the costume jewellery he gave her on the train, and asks to have it back. Jessica reveals it's hiding place under the pillow, but refuses to give it back on the basis it gives her sexy sweet dreams. He says she deserves better than fake jewels but she is not convinced and they leave the room. Meanwhile, Liz has been reading the kids a fairy story about a prince and she thinks how much she likes Laurent and how she could marry him and be a princess. Aww, she lurves him!!!
The next morning, Laurent is summoned to his parents' chambers. They tell him by royal custom he has to marry so he can take over his Father's throne. Laurent objects, saying he isn't ready, but his dad insists and gives him five days to choose his bride, so an announcement can be made at the royal ball at the weekend. He tells them he is in love with Elizabeth but they insist that she is below his royal bearing and there is too much at stake for that to happen, as Laurent could secure an important political alliance....
Jacques and Louis are at a cafe. Louis has pulled two young ladies who must have a thing for old perverts, and they are to spend the day on their yacht with them. Louis then asks about Jacques' weekend, and he has to admit he failed to get the emerald from Jessica. Jacques promises to try harder, as Louis promised it to one of their shady clients and it could be nasty if he doesn't get it soon, even if it means hurting his true love, Jessica.
Liz is feeding the children when Anna comes in and tells Liz about the ball to be held that weekend. The twins are invited, presumably so they can have everything that is royal stuffed in their faces at every opportunity. She imagines dancing with Laurent (like that's going to happen) and Anna tells her she can choose a suitable outfit from the guest wardrobe. Liz is also disappointed because Laurent hasn't come to see her when he said he would. Jessica is also upset because Jacques hasn't come to see her either. Poor twins! Late that night, Jessica sneaks downstairs to help herself to leftovers in the fridge (perfect size six going out the window) and on the way back she bumps into the Countess di Rimini. She accuses Jessica of treating the Chateau like a hotel, sneaking around at all hours. She also calls Jessica's manners deplorable (correct). Jessica goes and moans to Liz about the Countess, and Liz says she is even worse than Bruce Patman (like that's a fair comparison, really).
The next day, Liz decides to go and see Laurent at his cottage, as he hasn't bothered to make the effort to come see her. She checks herself out in the mirror, thinking maybe she does look shabby (not a WAKEFIELD twin surely!) but then her natural self confidence kicks in and she thinks how good her own style looks and off she goes to bug Laurent. At the cottage, however, his reception is less than welcoming. He is cold to her and tells her how busy he is opening his post. What a lame excuse, almost as bad as washing his hair. She goes to leave but he sits with her on the couch, where she spills all her fears about embarrassing herself at the royal ball. If she is hoping for reassurance, however, she's wrong, because he just says, "I can see how you would feel that way, not having been brought up in the culture." He then tells her some waffle about how he is a product of heritage and there's an entire world of difference between her people and his. Bastard! Liz is all hurt and quietly leaves crying. Doormat! She rushes to the rose garden to try and smooth her injured feelings, feeling how something must be wrong with her (apart from her blatant ability to choose the wrong man) where Laurent suddenly materialises and apologises, asking for more time to be understood or something. She gives him a (tiny) bit of grief and adds a biting comment about how she doesn't have a pedigree, but he then gets all upset so she forgives him. And they kiss. And swap I Love You words. Hands up who wasn't expecting that.
Meanwhile, Jessica and Jacques are again meeting up, this time on the beach. He tells her that, when with her, it's like Norveaux doesn't exist, which flares her suspicions for, oh, about two seconds. They kiss and she shivers with...delight? Passion? Flu? Erm, anyway, he instantly tells her they should go up to her room, as she's cold. She isn't, and won't. Then he says he's cold. She does ask him if all French guys are so strange but he avoids that by saying he's, erm, ill! And coughs. Loudly. Jessica is all concerned, but not enough to allow him into her room, as she doesn't want to be seen by the Countess. She tells Jacques, who sighs and tells her to never let anyone, not even him, push her around. Eventually, however, she gives in and they sneak upstairs. They go in her room and when she looks at Jacques he is stretched out on her bed, groaning, with his hand....under....the....pillow. Nowhere else. He begs for some water, so Jessica goes to get him some; however, as she leaves the room, the fake coughing stops. Looking through a crack in the door, she sees him looking at the jewellery case she had hidden under the pillow. Jessica is fucked off, seriously, and bursts back in the room primed for battle. He leaps on him and wrestles the case from him. They end up laughing about it, even though Jessica is still angry and demands an explanation. Is this girl thick or what! He says he wanted to give her a surprise, thats why he faked being sick. He was going to replace the pendant with a bracelet (courtesy of fit girl on yacht as mentioned earlier, but maybe without her prior consent....). Jessica is thrilled but insists on keeping the necklace, too, greedy bitch, because it means a lot to her. He argues but they are interrupted by Anna knocking on the door. Jacques hides under the bed, but after Anna's gone he acts all guilty because he could potentially get Jess in a lot of trouble (like she'd care). They kiss, and he tries to wrestle to case off her again, but it's no go. He leaves and on the way down we get to hear about how much of a tight spot he's in; he doesn't want to hurt Jessica because he wuvs her but he needs the pendant for her dad to pay off their debts. Poor, poor thieving Jacques! He dare not go back empty handed.....
Liz goes back to the chateua after she and Laurent have declared their true wuv as well. She is all happy in the knowledge they love each other very deeply. She then overhears (snoops on) two maids gossiping about her and Laurent, about how he looks at Liz like he loves her and then they mention a..............betrothal! About how the engagement will be announced at the ball at the weekend, how it will benefit the royal family, and how Elizabeth will come to learn the ways of the nobility and find her happiness. Liz takes it that Laurent has decided all this without even consulting her, and gets all upset and has to go upstairs and write a literary piece in her journal about it. Can anyone else a fly in the ointment with this? Jessica comes in to show off her new bracelet but Liz is too preoccupied and when Jess goes on about how romantic France is, Liz cries all over her. Jessica assumes it's because Liz has found out about Laurent having to marry Antonia, but no, Liz thinks it's about her and Jessica becomes instantly convinced that that's the case as well. Liz cries, Jess encourages the idea and then Anna (finally) comes back. She tells the twins that the children have to take part in a tableau at the ball, a still image of a famous scene. What jolly fun that would be. The twins, of course, are in charge of this.
The next morning, Jessica is rudely awoken from her dream on sex on the beach with Jacques, I mean, ahem, showing off to Lila in her palace, by screams from the Countess. Something has been stolen - Antonia's diamond necklace, and they are insisting the servants have stolen it. Antonia screams that it must have been the American twins, and demands them strip searched. Strip searched? Kinky. Princess Catherine leads the hysterical woman away and Nicolas tells them the guards will be searching the wing. Suspicious stuff.... The Countess insists the guards march round the palace checking every room for the necklace. Jessica comes up with a theory that the Countess and Antonia have made an elaborate plan to hide the necklace (and the stolen pendant) and commit insurance fraud. Like, they'd need the money? The twins decide to snoop round the Countess' and Antonia's room to try to find it. Very odd Liz behaviour. All they find is some old chewing gum underneath the sofa cushions, eeww! In Antonia's room, they find out that she's a neat freak and lines her underwear and socks up in neat, colour coordinated rows. What's the harm in that, eh! Erm...moving on....they also find a part eaten chocolate bar stash hidden in the wardrobe. All very exciting stuff, but no necklace. Then...oh noes...the Countess comes back and the twins have to hide underneath the bed. The Countess makes a suspicious phone call concerning a 'smooth transaction' and 'complications,' and how things have been 'planned to the very last detail.' Then she leaves. This, of course, confirms all of Jessica's suspicions about the fraud, and even Liz is pretty certain. When the old hag leaves, they carry on hunting but to no avail. Jessica wants to ask Jacques to help them, as he knows the secret passages, and because she's an idiot.
Speaking on Jacques, we find out he's slept in a linen cupboard next to Jess' room all night. Then we hear about how Louis was very pleased with the diamond necklace but he still needs the emerald. If anyone hasn't guessed yet, Jacques is the thief. Apparently, Louis is ill with worry so Jacques made a plan to sneak into Jessica's room when she was asleep and steal it (because she wouldn't notice or anything). But, he fell asleep. So, now it's daytime and he has to wait because the servants are cleaning. So he waits, and he waits, until they leave and he sneaks in. He gets his greasy mitts on the emerald only for Jessica to walk in. The twins have been practising the tableau with the children - they're doing a scene from Cinderella and are choosing their costumes. Jessica is playing the fairy godmother, of course, and she's decided the emerald pendant will be perfect as a jewel to offset her headpiece. This may not go down well with the Countess. Just sayin'. Anyway, so she goes up to her room to get it, only to find Jacques in there. She's really happy to see him, instead of being alarmed he's in her room going through her private possessions without permission, and he gets all upset and declares his undying love. She cries (??) and hugs him, only to feel a suspicious shape in his trousers. THIS ISN'T AN ERECTION! It's the jewellery box, of course. She's furious, especially when he calls her ignorant for liking such a piece of apparent junk (even though you'd think she'd be able to notice it isn't a paste copy). She tells him they're over and, taking the case, rushes out crying to find Liz, who of courses comforts her. Upon returning to their rooms later that evening, they find the place in disarray. The Countess has insisted all the servants' rooms be searched, including the twins. Surely this would be illegal? But, it's been done, and nothing has been found (because of course, Jessica took the pendant with her). There's a slightly funny aside where Liz is horrified by the state of Jessica's searched room, but Jessica isn't even sure if people have been in there at all - oh no, wait, she finds a nail polish she hasn't seen for three days so they must have. Lol. The next day, the twins and the children practise the tableau scene, leading up to the royal ball. Jessica wears the pendant for the practice, thinking how amazing she looks (as per usual, right). Liz is all distracted, thinking of Laurent and the announcement of their engagement. She's also thinking of Todd, but we'll skip that boring bit. She decides to go and talk to Laurent before the ball that night. Big mistake! Laurent is stuck at the cottage with Antonia and the Countess, being snobby about Americans and Antonia is insisting on holding his hand and arranging their honeymoon. Laurent feels doomed, apparently, but he isn't man enough to stand up and say he doesn't want to marry Antonia just to keep the Countess happy, he wants Elizabeth. Nor is he man enough to tell Liz any of this. Don't worry, she's about to find out....
Liz is hurrying to his cottage, all eager to spill her fears and hopes for a future with Laurent, the prince she's known all of two weeks. Upon arriving, however, what does she see but Laurent holding Antonia's hand. In a heartbeat, it all comes clear to her. The engagement is Laurent's one to Antonia, not to her. She gets all angry and confronts him. The Countess tells her Americans aren't noble, and she fights back, but Laurent the worm doesn't say anything, and she deflates faster than a popped balloon and runs off bawling. No punches, no pool pushes, no nothing :-(! Laurent then decides to chase her (bit late, lover boy) and he declares his love and they kiss (DOORMAT SYNDROME!!!) She cries, but he won't turn his back on his duty and honour to his father, and she leaves.
Back at the Chateau, Jess comforts Liz, which is a role reversal for a change. Liz sure has cried a lot and we're not even on the last book yet! Jess is feeling her least favourite emotion, guilt, because she didn't tell Liz about Antonia. She tells Liz to pull her act together, because they have less than an hour to get ready for the tableau at the ball that night, saying the children will be upset. Liz goes into bossy mode, and orders everyone into getting ready. She does Jessica's hair, using the emerald pendant to secure everything in place and makes sure it's visible. Bad move!
The time for the tabeau finally rolls around. The Countess and Antonia are doing one as well, but nobody guesses what it is. The Countess is furious about this, as she thinks she has been slighted. Turns out they were Zeus and Hera, even though one guest thought they were Miss Universe and the runner up, lol! When the twins and the children perform theirs, Laurent spends the time perving on Elizabeth. The Countess and Antonia come back out to the audience, where the Countess proceeds to take the piss and insult the twins to Laurent.Laurent eventually tells her to leave, and the Countess nearly dies of shock. Except, she isn't offended by Laurent's comment after all. Yes, that's right, she's spotted the pendant. She shrieks out loud and ruins the tableau, calling the twins 'shameless' and storms out. Later that evening, Jessica is getting ready for the ball when the guard comes in and take her away to be locked up in the dungeon. Then they go after Elizabeth, who has the children. (The kids have told Liz they are going to play a practical joke on the Countess, by putting a load of crabs in her bed, heh). The guards storm in and take Liz away. Laurent is summoned to his parent's chambers, where they then tell him the twins have been accused of stealing the pendant. Prince Nicolas believes it to be true, and his doubts rub off on Laurent, who has already proven himself a spineless creep, so we shouldn't be surprised. In the dungeon, Jessica states her innocence, saying the pendant isn't even valuable. Jessica, Jessica, wake up. She is convinced Jacques will save them, even though they aren't speaking. Liz then points out that maybe, just maybe, the pendant might be real after all, and maybe it is the one stolen from the Countess on the train in the first book. Jessica finally gets it and, oh dear, finally realises that Jacques is a thief and maybe his only reason for returning to the C
Chateau was to get it back. Oh Noes. Well, actually, we know he wuvs her but she doesn't know that! Poor, poor Lizzie and Jess! And that's where we'll leave them for now, trapped in the dungeon with no hope of rescue....
What will happen next? Will they make a hole in the wall and escape? Will they become lesbians and charm the guards into letting them go free? Wait and see in book 134: Happily Ever After.
Guys, I'm sorry for the wait of this recap,been a hectic time at work and just so much going on. But, in honour of Valentines Day, I will try and get the final part of the arc written up and posted asap!