SVH #114: "V" For Victory, Part 2, Chapters 5-14
Here's part two of my recap of 'V' For Victory, the third book in the cheerleading madness miniseries :)
You can find part 1 of the recap here.
The bus carrying the SVH cheerleaders pulls up in Yosemite and Jessica admires how beautiful the place is. Lila moans about how she thought they'd never get there. Apparently the bus trip was SIX HOURS and they didn't make a SINGLE pit stop. Whatever. These girls must have huge bladders, or they didn't drink anything all day.
Amy asks "Have you ever seen so many cheerleaders in one place?" and Lila retorts that it's enough to make one sick. LOL! ILU, Lila Fowler.
Jessica muses silently that if Sweet Valley High wins the cheerleading nationals, they'll be the best cheerleaders in the country. So, then, she'd be the best cheerleader in the country as she's the captain, right?! However Heather's voice barking orders at everyone interrupts her reverie, and she remembers there's a co-captain. As long as Heather's around, Jess will NEVER be the best cheerleader in the country! So then Jessica does a jump combination and times it perfectly so she accidentally kicks Heather in the throat and breaks her neck... I mean she stands there and quietly bitches about Heather as Heather orders everyone off the bus.
Just as Jessica gets off the bus, a tall girl crashes into her and almost knocks her down. The girl keeps on going, not bothering to apologize. Jessica suddenly feels overwhelmed to be at the national competition.
The girls head on to the cabin they're sharing with the squad from Alabama. The cabin is called Hunter House. When they arrive there, the Alabama squad is already there and full of stereotypes. When they arrive, a "big freckle-faced Southern girl" waves and says "Hi, y'all!" Two of the girls introduce themselves as Wilhemina and Peggy May. I'm from Alabama and I can say for absolute certainty that I never knew anyone named Wilhemina or someone with two names that ended in -May. But I guess it wouldn't have had quite the same kick if they were named normal things like Stephanie or Melissa. The Alabama girls have already decorated their side of the cabin with paraphernalia from their school.
It turns out Lila brought some really nice cheerleading uniforms as a surprise, so that she can keep Jessica and Heather from arguing about whose uniform is worn in the finale. Amy say they can wear Jessica's uniforms in the salsa routine and Heather's skanky one in the hip-hop routine.
The squad quickly decorates their side of the cabin with SVH stuff. Elizabeth unpacks and when she's finished, pulls out a framed picture of Todd. Wilhemina sees it and asks if that is Liz's boyfriend? Liz says not anymore. Awww. Poor Lizzie.
The scene switches to a welcoming assembly lead by the ACA director, Zoe Balsam. She explains how the competition will work - three performances Saturday, three performances Sunday, and the grand finale on Monday. The grand finale counts as 1/3 of the entire score, so Jessica figures out that almost any team can steal on Monay. Ms. Balsam outlines a few more rules and then the assembly is over.
The scene cuts to Todd and Ken, who are leaving Sweet Valley to head to Yosemite. They load up with a tank of gas and junk food and head out. Before they get out of town however, they see Winston walking down the road carrying groceries. They basically kidnap him despite his pleas that he has to get these groceries home to his mother. Ummm.. won't Winston's mother worry when he doesn't show up after picking up the groceries? And come to think of it, Todd and Ken can just take off on a three day road trip with no problem from the parents?? Another shining example of how great the parenting is in Sweet Valley. Winston complains that his mother's ice cream is melting, and Ken asks if he has a spoon. I know I always have spare spoons in my car.
Back at Yosemite, the girls are eating dinner with the girls from Alabama. Annie sees Heather's old squad and asks Heather if she's going to go say hi, but Heather says absolutely not. When the others give her a weird look she says they're the competition now and changes the subject. Hmmmm... do you get the feeling that she might not have left Reno on a good note?
Then a "stunning" tall girl with long brown hair shows up at their table and introduces herself as Marissa James, the captain of the squad Heather left. Heather smiles at Marissa, but to Elizabeth it seemed that "her smile didn't reach her eyes." Turns out that this girl is the one who practically ran Jess over at the buses earlier in the day. After Marissa leaves, Heather gets all awkward and rushes off back to the cabin.
At the cabin, Heather thinks about how Marissa, who apparently was her greatest rival in Reno, was probably going to make trouble for her here. She's annoyed that the girls at SVH are so interested in her past in Reno, especially "Annie Whitman, who followed her around like a puppy." LOL. She decides to go to bed early so the girls couldn't ask her any more questions.
But she sees an envelope on her bed with her name on it. Inside is a newspaper clipping describing how Heather got kicked off the squad for a "serious cheating incident." She crumples it up and throws it on the floor, but actually is smart enough to think again and picks it back up and puts it in the envelope. Also in the envelope is a note from Marissa ordering her to meet her that night at ten.
Now it's the following day and the girls are getting ready to start their first competition of the day. Jessica and Heather argue over whether to do the salsa routine or the Mambo Jamba first. Jessica points out they can't change the programs at the last minute, but of course Heather switched stuff around the night before and "forgot" to tell anyone. They do a vote and the Mambo Jamba is elected to go first. Jessica is pissed off.
SVH is 3rd to perform. Jessica is still mad but Amy tells her to stuff it, since the Mambo Jamba has Heather's special combo jump and is a crowd pleaser. The squad starts their performance and Jessica forgets to be mad as they perform. Apparently the performance is absolutely flawless up until the end when Heather does her jump. She falls twice and ends it in a crooked split. Jessica calls it a "total fiasco" and deems it all Heather's fault.
The scene switches to Todd, Ken, and Winston. Apparently they'd arrived too late the night before to go see the girls, so they stayed at a crappy motel and didn't get any sleep, and now they have bellyaches from all the ice cream they'd eaten, and Winston vows never to eat again... at least not until lunchtime. Haha. Todd is excited to see Liz and make up with her. They reach the cheerleading competition grounds and are horrified to see a sign that says "NO BOYS ALLOWED." Winston asks isn't that discrimination? I'm wondering how not a single one of these squads has a guy on it. I seriously doubt that a cheerleading competition would have such a rule, but it would've been far too easy if they'd gotten in anyway.
They try to get in anyway by telling the security guard that they're reporters, but the guy doesn't fall for it when they fail to produce press passes. Todd tries telling him the truth, but the security guard isn't impressed and tells them to beat it.
The scene switches back to the squad, who are all there except Heather and Annie. Heather ran off after the competition and Annie had followed. Jessica is furious about Heather's performance, still. SVH had been ranked fiftieth after that morning's performance. Sandy Bacon calls it the "end of the world." Way to be overdramatic, Sandy.
Jessica tries to bring up their spirits, and then says she has a plan: to vote Heather off the squad, apparently forgetting how furious she'd been when Heather had kicked off Maria and Sandy. Everyone votes in agreement except for Saint Elizabeth, who is furious with Jessica for even suggesting it. Liz makes a big speech about being a team and sticking together, and gets the other girls (except Jessica) to back down. Jessica says they're going to regret this.
Back to the guys, who are about halfway back to Sweet Valley. They're still lamenting the fact that they can't get into the competition when Todd sees a sign for Cheer Ahead, the place Jessica had ordered the cheerleading uniforms from. He slams on the brakes as a brilliant idea hits him. OH YES. THAT'S RIGHT.
Back to the squad, they're preparing for the second competition, in which they're performing the salsa routine. Jessica says snippily that this routine showcases her jump instead of Heather's, so they don't have to worry about any "mishaps." Yes, because there's nothing else Heather could screw up. They do the performance and it goes off without a hitch until the end when they form a big pyramid. Heather collapses at the bottom, causing the whole pyramid to fall.
Heather apologizes and cries, says she's humiliated, and runs away. However, Jessica knows that Heather is simply just trying to humiliate her, and sabotaging the competition to make Jessica look bad. I mean, why else would Heather do what she's doing? Isn't Jessica the only reason anyone does anything? After this competition, SVH is now ranked 48th.
Jessica tells the squad she wants to practice their 'Victory' combination for the last performance of the day. Sara says they should just throw in the towel and Jean agrees, saying that "Quitting's more respectable than losing." WTF? Since when is it more respectable to quit than to see the whole thing through?
Jessica asks if someone can get the routine book from the cabin, and Liz volunteers and leaves. After she leaves, Jessica again brings up cutting Heather from the squad, and all the girls vote yes, even Annie.
The scene cuts to the boys back at their hotel, and Winston is shaving his legs, moaning and whining about it. They're all getting ready to put on their cheerleading uniforms and getting all made up and prettified. Todd is putting on makeup and looking at himself in the mirror, thinking something doesn't look right. He decides he needs some blue eye shadow and asks to borrow some from Ken. Ken brings it over, showing off his cheerleading costume, which is bright purple and yellow, with a V-Neck sweater with an S emblazoned on it. Todd says he always knew Ken would make a great girl. I think Todd is getting turned on.
Ken gets a good look at Todd's face and jumps in fright, and tells Todd they're trying to be cheerleaders, not cabaret dancers. HAHA. I have to quote Todd's makeup job: "He had outlined the rims of his eyes wiht a thick layer of purple eyeliner, creating the effect of a somewhat soulful raccoon face. The eyeliner then extended outward, curling upward from his lids to his brows. Thick layers of mascara coated his lashes which sprung out like spider's legs. Two sharp lines of bright-pink blush highlighted his prominent cheekbones, and scarlet lipstick outlined his full, penciled lips." Oh. My. God. It speaks for itself.
Todd gets upset and says he's just not cut out for this. Ken tells him not to worry because he's going to give him a makeover. ROFLMAO. I think Ken is going to be a hair stylist/makeup artist when he grows up; forget the football thing.
Back to Jessica, she's on her way to tell Heather that she's off the squad. She practices different ways of telling her on the way back to the cabin and decides to go with the direct approach: "Heather, you're off the squad." She's sure Heather will put up a major fight but she vows she won't budge. Jessica figures the only possible problem will be Liz and she hopes to avoid her until time for the 3rd competition.
Jess goes into the cabin and finds Heather with her eyes red and face tear-stained. Jess tells her straight out that she's off the squad, but to Jessica's shock, Heather tells her it's fine and that she wants some time alone. Jessica leaves Heather in shock that Heather has gotten over it so easily.
The book then cuts to after the 3rd competition, in which SVH kicked butt without Heather and jumped from 48th to 35th place. The girls are ecstatic except for Jade Wu, who says they don't stand a chance without Heather, because without her they're ordinary. Jess takes major offense to that, and Jade quickly covers and said it's the same as if they didn't have Jess - without Jess they'd be ordinary too. Jess is still angry and stomps off.
Elizabeth catches up to her to yell at her about kicking Heather off the squad without consulting her. Elizabeth demands a revote with her included or else she'll take it to the head of the ACA. Seriously, Liz, Zoe Balsam is too busy keeping the boys out to worry about stupid things like girls being kicked off the squad without your permission. Jess tells her it doesn't matter because Heather already agreed to leave the squad, and Liz is of course shocked.
Back to the guys, who are now in full cheerleader attire, "complete with big white Keds and women's wigs." Todd is a brunette, Ken has a wild, curly blond head of hair, and Winston has a "short red bob." Todd tries not to laugh at Winston because he had to take a "special" uniform since the place apparently only had 2 normal ones. Winston's has glittery sequins and a feather trim on the neckline. In combination with Todd's original makeup they would've been set for Vegas. I really wish they would've put the boys on the cover.
The guys realize that they've missed the competitions for the day. As they're wondering how to find the SVH squad, they run in to the head of the ACA, Ms. Balsam, who wants to know if they've registered. They say no, and Ms. Balsam asks who they are. They introduce themself as Tilda Wilkins, Kendall Matthews, and Winnie Egbert. Bwah ha ha. Ms. Balsam asks where they're from, and Todd comes up with Saskatchewan, Canada. ...The hell?? Saskatchewan?? How totally random but hilarious. Ms. Balsam orders them to register and they scamper off.
Switch to Sunday morning, and Jess is leading the girls on a long jog around Yosemite. They are running and Jess is leading them in a chant. Meanwhile Todd and the guys are looking for them again and they catch sight of them. Todd wipes his sweaty face, smudging his makeup all over his face. Ken moans about all his hard work being ruined. They hear the girls chanting and take off looking for them again but then they see Ms. Balsam and some other authorities ahead of them, so they have to abandon their search to look casual in front of them so they don't catch on that they're actually nasty, dirty boys.
Back to Jess, who is finishing a shower after their jog and reflecting on how Jade said they were just "ordinary" without Heather, and Jess wonders if she was right. She comes out of the bathroom and hears someone crying, and realizes it's Heather. She is unmoved and accuses Heather of ruining the previous day's performances on purpose. Heather says she had no choice, and Jess jumps on that: "You were trying to humiliate me." Heather tells her that it didn't have anything to do with her, and that the world doesn't revolve around Jessica.
"'It doesn't?' Jessica said, surprised. 'What do you mean?'" That line made me bust up laughing. Oh, Jess. Don't worry about it, it's the agony of being kicked off the squad that's making Heather say such preposterous things. Of course the world revolves around you.
Heather starts to explain how Marissa James was blackmailing her when Saint Elizabeth storms in and tells her that the whole team has agreed that it was "unorthodox" for Jessica to vote without Liz present, and so therefore her vote is null and void. Ah ah ah, Liz, because if you recall, it's some sort of BS rule that Heather found in book 112 in which one co-captain has total autonomy in the absence of the other, which is how Maria and Sandy got kicked off the squad in the first place.
Anyway, Heather explains the whole blackmailing story to everyone. Heather cheated on the final math exam so she wouldn't fail and get kicked off the cheerleading squad, but she got caught so she got kicked off anyway. The girls (except Jess) feel sorry for her as Heather cries again. Patty points out that if they come in first in every competition between now and the end of the tournament, they can still place. So they plan to do that and Heather is back on the squad.
Cut to the next competition, the girls are kicking ass on the next competition. They were the final group to perform so the winners are announced immediately. The Reno squad places third, but of course SVH gets first place. The girls celebrate and Heather winks at Jessica, and Jessica smiles back. The universe explodes.
Marissa comes over and tries to remind Heather about their agreement, but Heather says it doesn't matter anymore because she told everyone the truth. Marissa threatens that she'll do everything in her power to make sure that Heather and her squad don't win.
That afternoon the girls are getting ready for their seventies disco routine, wearing Heather's skanky uniforms, which Jessica admits look "sharp." Sharp = skanky for Jess, though. They prepare to leave, but the door is jammed or locked from the outside or something. Jessica and Heather realize Marissa James must be behind this. Their performance starts in 30 minutes, leaving them very little time. Jessica attempts to break it down by slamming her fist into it, which would have worked if she was Todd and had the power of the mighty Todd Punch, but instead she practically breaks her hand. They try to open the windows but they are sealed shut. Jessica notices a tiny window very high up, close the ceiling. Jessica figures tiny Jade can probably fit through it, but how can they reach it?
They build a four-three-two-one pyramid, which Heather says is not usually possible but worth a try. They actually manage to form it, but as Jade pushes the window open, the pyramid collapses, so the tiny window is a no-go.
The guys are at the competition and are nervous as it starts and the SVH girls are nowhere to be found, as they are scheduled to perform fifth. They run down the bleachers and off to find them, and girls are catcalling them from all directions, making it obvious they know they're not women.
Back in the cabin, Lila notices three funny looking cheerleaders heading their way. Maria recognizes Winston as his wig falls off, and Amy realizes the other two are Todd and Ken. The girls call for help and Ken unlocks the door. The girls (except Liz and Jess) laugh uproariously at the guys. They waste a bunch of time making fun of the guys until Todd orders them to get down to the field before they're disqualified.
Cut to the announcements of the winners, and SVH has come in first place again. They celebrate and Jess and Heather find themselves hugging. This time the universe implodes. The squad decides to go thank the boys, but Jessica and Elizabeth hurry away to avoid seeing them. Amy and Lila muse that they have to get the twins back together with each other and with their boyfriends. The girls make fun of the guys some more until Ken and Todd notice the twins have gone. Ken wonders if it was because of the skirt. I'm sure that if Jess wasn't already not speaking to Ken that would've sealed it.
Elizabeth walks back to the cabin, pissily moaning to herself about how mad she is Todd came here after making it clear he wants nothing to do with her. Liz is pretty thick sometimes. She figures that Todd and Ken must've made up and so Todd was here just to support his buddy. I would think Liz was stupid for assuming Todd would do all that just to "support" his friend, but then I realized that's exactly what Winston did. I love Winston but he's such a pushover.
Jessica and Lila are at an ice cream shop talking, and Jess declares she has no idea why Ken "bothered to come all the way to Yosemite dressed like a transvestite" because she's still not talking to him. Hasn't she considered that maybe Ken just realized he'd rather be a cheerleader than date one?
Lila says Jess should forgive Ken, because after all, he thought he was kissing Jess, not Liz. Jess says that's the point. He should've known it was Jess before then, so obviously she doesn't stand out to him. She says it's like the show Kiss and Tell where the guy has to figure out who his partner is just by kissing them, and Ken would get the consolation prize. Lila points out that doesn't make sense because Ken realized it was Liz, not Jess, right away, and came straight away to tell her what happened. Jess maintains that if Ken can't tell her apart from her sister then he must not really love her.
The girls are getting ready for the next competition, in which they're wearing Jess's costume, the catsuits with the skirts that go over them. But when they put on the skirts, they fall right off. They realize the Reno squad must've come in and cut the elastic out of the skirts. What a LAME trick. The girls think about what to do when Liz says they should just cheer in the catsuits, which is exactly what they do.
Cut to after the competition, which SVH won again. Jess and Liz are walking back with the Alabama girls, who are raving over their performance and SVH's comeback. Peggy May says, "Why, I plum thought you'd drop out after the first two competitions." The stupid inaccurate vernacular annoys the piss out of me.
Elizabeth thinks back to the routine they'd just done, in which Jessica and Elizabeth stood face to face and mimiced one another's moves, making it seem like a mirror. The Alabama girls think that's what cinched it for the squad. Wilhemina says they have to watch out for the Reno squad, who are still ranked first overall.
The girls then see Ken, Todd, and Winston, who are gesturing wildly for them to come over. Apparently the Alabama girls are the only ones stupid enough to not have realized they're actually guys as they wonder what squad those "hearty-lookin' girls" are on.
As Jess and Liz watch, Winston's skirt flies up, revealing "gangly, muscular legs." He tries in vain to keep the skirt down and then trips over his shoelace, knocking Todd and Ken down as well. Elizabeth and Jessica can't hold in their laughter anymore, and urge the confused Alabama squad to go on without them. The girls laugh and exclaim together over how ridiculous the boys looked, and then look at the guys again. The boys are standing again but Ken is chasing his blonde hair around, as his wig fell off and a gust of wind caught it. The girls break down laughing again.
Then the girls remember they're mad at each other again and quiet down, and then Liz tries again to explain to Jess and apologize. This time Jess listens as Elizabeth cries and says that the worst part of all this was that she had lost Jess. Jess says of course Liz hasn't lost her, and that they are soul mates. Awww. Jess comments that it looks like she hasn't lost Todd either because he must be there to get Liz back. Liz says that's not true, he's just there for Ken, and Jessica tells her she's an idiot because not too many guys would get dressed up like cheerleaders to keep their friends company. Except for Winston, but he doesn't matter.
The girls decide they're ready to forgive the guys, but first they want to make them pay a little. They consider their revenge plot and think about how the guys said they're from Saskatchewan, Canada.
Cut to the next day, at the grand finale, the girls are waiting for their turn to cheer. First is Reno, though, who pull off a spectacular performance, including a "weird" move at the end in which they swish their pom-poms back and forth on the stage. The girls wonder why they did that but are too stupid naive to consider the fact that the Reno squad has tried to screw them over in every other competition, so they must have something planned this time.
SVH is the final squad to perform, but when they're announced, Jessica and Liz run up to the podium and annouce they have a special treat. Everyone has been wondering about the big girls from Saskatchewan, and Liz and Jess think it's a shame for them to have come this far without getting a chance to be on stage. Liz calls the "girls" from Saskatchewan up to the stage. Love it.
Ken, Todd, and Winston are horrified but are forced to go up there because of the uproar from the crowd. They make their way onstage and Todd says to do the Be Aggressive cheer, which they've heard enough to know. Rock music blares out of the speakers and they move into the cheer. This scene is classic and I really want to just type the whole thing out but it's really long.
Todd rolls his wrists around each other in front of his body and then lifts his right, then left arm up into the air, Ken and Winston mimic him. Todd yells "C-A-N-A-D-A, we're gonna blow you away!" and Ken and Todd repeat him, shaking their hips and bumping them together. Todd puts his arms in the air and twirls around like a ballerina, giving the audience a good view of their muscular legs. Suddenly the guys start slipping around as the floor seems to be covered in some sort of oily substance. Elizabeth and Jessica notice they seem to be slipping a lot more than they expected, as though the floor had oil on it. Jess and Liz realize Marissa James must've done something, and they go to find the referee.
The guys continue their wild cheer, throwing their shoes off, hoping they'd slip less that way. They do some crooked cartwheels but when Winston does his, his red wig flies off and when he puts it back on, he puts it on backward. They keep right on cheering though, until they see Ms. Balsam coming, who looks pissed. They run off the stage.
Meanwhile, Jess and Liz have reported their concerns to the referee, and accused the Reno squad. The referee heads over, and Jess becomes even more sure than before they'd done it because they're the only group there not laughing. The referee demands to search the Reno squad's bags. Marissa tries to put up a fight but the referee searches them anyway and finds 24 empty bottles of baby oil in their bags, with rubber bands attached to it, which Jessica realizes would easily attach to the handle of a pompom, and explains the weird move they'd done at the end when they swished their pom-poms on the floor.
Marissa tries to claim that they were suntanning earlier, but another girl in the squad tells her to give it up because they're just going to check the stage.
Liz and Jess go back and explain what happened to the other girls as the stage is closed to clean the floor. The girls are shocked (why?) except for Heather. Jess asked where the boys went, and it turns out they got kicked out. The stage reopens and Ms. Balsam announces there were some technical difficulties, but on with the show, and she calls up SVH. Liz and Jess worry when she doesn't mention anything about the Reno squad.
The girls yet again kick butt, finishing their routine with the four-three-two-one pyramid, which stuns the crowd. The winners are announced and SVH came in 2nd, Reno in 1st. The girls are furious the Reno squad wasn't penalized for what they did. But then Ms. Balsam comes back to the stage and announces that Reno tried to sabotage the competition, so they're disqualified, meaning SVH came in 1st for the 4th time in a row. The girls are laughing and crying with relief and pride.
Immediately they move into the awards ceremony. SVH has placed second in the national competiton. Jessica and Heather manage to share the stage this time and they both give a short speech. As they leave the stage, Heather asks Jess if she's glad she moved to Sweet Valley now? After all, if Heather hadn't come along they never would've made it this far. Jess rolls her eyes.
The scene switches to the girls walking to the bus. It's noted that the Alabama squad placed fifth overall. Todd and Winston are waiting by the buses looking like boys again, and they pretend to be really pissed off about the trick Jess and Liz played on them.
Todd and Liz walk away together and make up. It's really too boring to explain but Liz cries again. That's four times in this book.
Back to Jess, who is getting ready to board the bus, when Ken comes up and says, "Hey Liz, is that you?" Jessica turns and is ready to kick his ass for mistaking her for Liz again, but she realizes he's teasing. Of course they make up too, and Ken rides the bus back to Sweet Valley with the other cheerleaders.
Todd drops Liz off at her house, and she goes inside, where Jessica is sitting at the table with lemonade, looking through a Cheer Ahead catalog. She shows Liz a uniform, and suddenly Elizabeth realizes something she has to do. She runs upstairs, takes off her cheerleading uniform and puts on her regular clothes, and gives Jess the uniform back. Jess says, "So I didn't convert you?" Liz says no, but she got lots of material to write about. THE END.
There's a little blurb about the next book, which is the crazy as hell "Murder in Paradise" book.
Whew. I warned you guys I was long winded. Hope you enjoyed. :)
You can find part 1 of the recap here.
The bus carrying the SVH cheerleaders pulls up in Yosemite and Jessica admires how beautiful the place is. Lila moans about how she thought they'd never get there. Apparently the bus trip was SIX HOURS and they didn't make a SINGLE pit stop. Whatever. These girls must have huge bladders, or they didn't drink anything all day.
Amy asks "Have you ever seen so many cheerleaders in one place?" and Lila retorts that it's enough to make one sick. LOL! ILU, Lila Fowler.
Jessica muses silently that if Sweet Valley High wins the cheerleading nationals, they'll be the best cheerleaders in the country. So, then, she'd be the best cheerleader in the country as she's the captain, right?! However Heather's voice barking orders at everyone interrupts her reverie, and she remembers there's a co-captain. As long as Heather's around, Jess will NEVER be the best cheerleader in the country! So then Jessica does a jump combination and times it perfectly so she accidentally kicks Heather in the throat and breaks her neck... I mean she stands there and quietly bitches about Heather as Heather orders everyone off the bus.
Just as Jessica gets off the bus, a tall girl crashes into her and almost knocks her down. The girl keeps on going, not bothering to apologize. Jessica suddenly feels overwhelmed to be at the national competition.
The girls head on to the cabin they're sharing with the squad from Alabama. The cabin is called Hunter House. When they arrive there, the Alabama squad is already there and full of stereotypes. When they arrive, a "big freckle-faced Southern girl" waves and says "Hi, y'all!" Two of the girls introduce themselves as Wilhemina and Peggy May. I'm from Alabama and I can say for absolute certainty that I never knew anyone named Wilhemina or someone with two names that ended in -May. But I guess it wouldn't have had quite the same kick if they were named normal things like Stephanie or Melissa. The Alabama girls have already decorated their side of the cabin with paraphernalia from their school.
It turns out Lila brought some really nice cheerleading uniforms as a surprise, so that she can keep Jessica and Heather from arguing about whose uniform is worn in the finale. Amy say they can wear Jessica's uniforms in the salsa routine and Heather's skanky one in the hip-hop routine.
The squad quickly decorates their side of the cabin with SVH stuff. Elizabeth unpacks and when she's finished, pulls out a framed picture of Todd. Wilhemina sees it and asks if that is Liz's boyfriend? Liz says not anymore. Awww. Poor Lizzie.
The scene switches to a welcoming assembly lead by the ACA director, Zoe Balsam. She explains how the competition will work - three performances Saturday, three performances Sunday, and the grand finale on Monday. The grand finale counts as 1/3 of the entire score, so Jessica figures out that almost any team can steal on Monay. Ms. Balsam outlines a few more rules and then the assembly is over.
The scene cuts to Todd and Ken, who are leaving Sweet Valley to head to Yosemite. They load up with a tank of gas and junk food and head out. Before they get out of town however, they see Winston walking down the road carrying groceries. They basically kidnap him despite his pleas that he has to get these groceries home to his mother. Ummm.. won't Winston's mother worry when he doesn't show up after picking up the groceries? And come to think of it, Todd and Ken can just take off on a three day road trip with no problem from the parents?? Another shining example of how great the parenting is in Sweet Valley. Winston complains that his mother's ice cream is melting, and Ken asks if he has a spoon. I know I always have spare spoons in my car.
Back at Yosemite, the girls are eating dinner with the girls from Alabama. Annie sees Heather's old squad and asks Heather if she's going to go say hi, but Heather says absolutely not. When the others give her a weird look she says they're the competition now and changes the subject. Hmmmm... do you get the feeling that she might not have left Reno on a good note?
Then a "stunning" tall girl with long brown hair shows up at their table and introduces herself as Marissa James, the captain of the squad Heather left. Heather smiles at Marissa, but to Elizabeth it seemed that "her smile didn't reach her eyes." Turns out that this girl is the one who practically ran Jess over at the buses earlier in the day. After Marissa leaves, Heather gets all awkward and rushes off back to the cabin.
At the cabin, Heather thinks about how Marissa, who apparently was her greatest rival in Reno, was probably going to make trouble for her here. She's annoyed that the girls at SVH are so interested in her past in Reno, especially "Annie Whitman, who followed her around like a puppy." LOL. She decides to go to bed early so the girls couldn't ask her any more questions.
But she sees an envelope on her bed with her name on it. Inside is a newspaper clipping describing how Heather got kicked off the squad for a "serious cheating incident." She crumples it up and throws it on the floor, but actually is smart enough to think again and picks it back up and puts it in the envelope. Also in the envelope is a note from Marissa ordering her to meet her that night at ten.
Now it's the following day and the girls are getting ready to start their first competition of the day. Jessica and Heather argue over whether to do the salsa routine or the Mambo Jamba first. Jessica points out they can't change the programs at the last minute, but of course Heather switched stuff around the night before and "forgot" to tell anyone. They do a vote and the Mambo Jamba is elected to go first. Jessica is pissed off.
SVH is 3rd to perform. Jessica is still mad but Amy tells her to stuff it, since the Mambo Jamba has Heather's special combo jump and is a crowd pleaser. The squad starts their performance and Jessica forgets to be mad as they perform. Apparently the performance is absolutely flawless up until the end when Heather does her jump. She falls twice and ends it in a crooked split. Jessica calls it a "total fiasco" and deems it all Heather's fault.
The scene switches to Todd, Ken, and Winston. Apparently they'd arrived too late the night before to go see the girls, so they stayed at a crappy motel and didn't get any sleep, and now they have bellyaches from all the ice cream they'd eaten, and Winston vows never to eat again... at least not until lunchtime. Haha. Todd is excited to see Liz and make up with her. They reach the cheerleading competition grounds and are horrified to see a sign that says "NO BOYS ALLOWED." Winston asks isn't that discrimination? I'm wondering how not a single one of these squads has a guy on it. I seriously doubt that a cheerleading competition would have such a rule, but it would've been far too easy if they'd gotten in anyway.
They try to get in anyway by telling the security guard that they're reporters, but the guy doesn't fall for it when they fail to produce press passes. Todd tries telling him the truth, but the security guard isn't impressed and tells them to beat it.
The scene switches back to the squad, who are all there except Heather and Annie. Heather ran off after the competition and Annie had followed. Jessica is furious about Heather's performance, still. SVH had been ranked fiftieth after that morning's performance. Sandy Bacon calls it the "end of the world." Way to be overdramatic, Sandy.
Jessica tries to bring up their spirits, and then says she has a plan: to vote Heather off the squad, apparently forgetting how furious she'd been when Heather had kicked off Maria and Sandy. Everyone votes in agreement except for Saint Elizabeth, who is furious with Jessica for even suggesting it. Liz makes a big speech about being a team and sticking together, and gets the other girls (except Jessica) to back down. Jessica says they're going to regret this.
Back to the guys, who are about halfway back to Sweet Valley. They're still lamenting the fact that they can't get into the competition when Todd sees a sign for Cheer Ahead, the place Jessica had ordered the cheerleading uniforms from. He slams on the brakes as a brilliant idea hits him. OH YES. THAT'S RIGHT.
Back to the squad, they're preparing for the second competition, in which they're performing the salsa routine. Jessica says snippily that this routine showcases her jump instead of Heather's, so they don't have to worry about any "mishaps." Yes, because there's nothing else Heather could screw up. They do the performance and it goes off without a hitch until the end when they form a big pyramid. Heather collapses at the bottom, causing the whole pyramid to fall.
Heather apologizes and cries, says she's humiliated, and runs away. However, Jessica knows that Heather is simply just trying to humiliate her, and sabotaging the competition to make Jessica look bad. I mean, why else would Heather do what she's doing? Isn't Jessica the only reason anyone does anything? After this competition, SVH is now ranked 48th.
Jessica tells the squad she wants to practice their 'Victory' combination for the last performance of the day. Sara says they should just throw in the towel and Jean agrees, saying that "Quitting's more respectable than losing." WTF? Since when is it more respectable to quit than to see the whole thing through?
Jessica asks if someone can get the routine book from the cabin, and Liz volunteers and leaves. After she leaves, Jessica again brings up cutting Heather from the squad, and all the girls vote yes, even Annie.
The scene cuts to the boys back at their hotel, and Winston is shaving his legs, moaning and whining about it. They're all getting ready to put on their cheerleading uniforms and getting all made up and prettified. Todd is putting on makeup and looking at himself in the mirror, thinking something doesn't look right. He decides he needs some blue eye shadow and asks to borrow some from Ken. Ken brings it over, showing off his cheerleading costume, which is bright purple and yellow, with a V-Neck sweater with an S emblazoned on it. Todd says he always knew Ken would make a great girl. I think Todd is getting turned on.
Ken gets a good look at Todd's face and jumps in fright, and tells Todd they're trying to be cheerleaders, not cabaret dancers. HAHA. I have to quote Todd's makeup job: "He had outlined the rims of his eyes wiht a thick layer of purple eyeliner, creating the effect of a somewhat soulful raccoon face. The eyeliner then extended outward, curling upward from his lids to his brows. Thick layers of mascara coated his lashes which sprung out like spider's legs. Two sharp lines of bright-pink blush highlighted his prominent cheekbones, and scarlet lipstick outlined his full, penciled lips." Oh. My. God. It speaks for itself.
Todd gets upset and says he's just not cut out for this. Ken tells him not to worry because he's going to give him a makeover. ROFLMAO. I think Ken is going to be a hair stylist/makeup artist when he grows up; forget the football thing.
Back to Jessica, she's on her way to tell Heather that she's off the squad. She practices different ways of telling her on the way back to the cabin and decides to go with the direct approach: "Heather, you're off the squad." She's sure Heather will put up a major fight but she vows she won't budge. Jessica figures the only possible problem will be Liz and she hopes to avoid her until time for the 3rd competition.
Jess goes into the cabin and finds Heather with her eyes red and face tear-stained. Jess tells her straight out that she's off the squad, but to Jessica's shock, Heather tells her it's fine and that she wants some time alone. Jessica leaves Heather in shock that Heather has gotten over it so easily.
The book then cuts to after the 3rd competition, in which SVH kicked butt without Heather and jumped from 48th to 35th place. The girls are ecstatic except for Jade Wu, who says they don't stand a chance without Heather, because without her they're ordinary. Jess takes major offense to that, and Jade quickly covers and said it's the same as if they didn't have Jess - without Jess they'd be ordinary too. Jess is still angry and stomps off.
Elizabeth catches up to her to yell at her about kicking Heather off the squad without consulting her. Elizabeth demands a revote with her included or else she'll take it to the head of the ACA. Seriously, Liz, Zoe Balsam is too busy keeping the boys out to worry about stupid things like girls being kicked off the squad without your permission. Jess tells her it doesn't matter because Heather already agreed to leave the squad, and Liz is of course shocked.
Back to the guys, who are now in full cheerleader attire, "complete with big white Keds and women's wigs." Todd is a brunette, Ken has a wild, curly blond head of hair, and Winston has a "short red bob." Todd tries not to laugh at Winston because he had to take a "special" uniform since the place apparently only had 2 normal ones. Winston's has glittery sequins and a feather trim on the neckline. In combination with Todd's original makeup they would've been set for Vegas. I really wish they would've put the boys on the cover.
The guys realize that they've missed the competitions for the day. As they're wondering how to find the SVH squad, they run in to the head of the ACA, Ms. Balsam, who wants to know if they've registered. They say no, and Ms. Balsam asks who they are. They introduce themself as Tilda Wilkins, Kendall Matthews, and Winnie Egbert. Bwah ha ha. Ms. Balsam asks where they're from, and Todd comes up with Saskatchewan, Canada. ...The hell?? Saskatchewan?? How totally random but hilarious. Ms. Balsam orders them to register and they scamper off.
Switch to Sunday morning, and Jess is leading the girls on a long jog around Yosemite. They are running and Jess is leading them in a chant. Meanwhile Todd and the guys are looking for them again and they catch sight of them. Todd wipes his sweaty face, smudging his makeup all over his face. Ken moans about all his hard work being ruined. They hear the girls chanting and take off looking for them again but then they see Ms. Balsam and some other authorities ahead of them, so they have to abandon their search to look casual in front of them so they don't catch on that they're actually nasty, dirty boys.
Back to Jess, who is finishing a shower after their jog and reflecting on how Jade said they were just "ordinary" without Heather, and Jess wonders if she was right. She comes out of the bathroom and hears someone crying, and realizes it's Heather. She is unmoved and accuses Heather of ruining the previous day's performances on purpose. Heather says she had no choice, and Jess jumps on that: "You were trying to humiliate me." Heather tells her that it didn't have anything to do with her, and that the world doesn't revolve around Jessica.
"'It doesn't?' Jessica said, surprised. 'What do you mean?'" That line made me bust up laughing. Oh, Jess. Don't worry about it, it's the agony of being kicked off the squad that's making Heather say such preposterous things. Of course the world revolves around you.
Heather starts to explain how Marissa James was blackmailing her when Saint Elizabeth storms in and tells her that the whole team has agreed that it was "unorthodox" for Jessica to vote without Liz present, and so therefore her vote is null and void. Ah ah ah, Liz, because if you recall, it's some sort of BS rule that Heather found in book 112 in which one co-captain has total autonomy in the absence of the other, which is how Maria and Sandy got kicked off the squad in the first place.
Anyway, Heather explains the whole blackmailing story to everyone. Heather cheated on the final math exam so she wouldn't fail and get kicked off the cheerleading squad, but she got caught so she got kicked off anyway. The girls (except Jess) feel sorry for her as Heather cries again. Patty points out that if they come in first in every competition between now and the end of the tournament, they can still place. So they plan to do that and Heather is back on the squad.
Cut to the next competition, the girls are kicking ass on the next competition. They were the final group to perform so the winners are announced immediately. The Reno squad places third, but of course SVH gets first place. The girls celebrate and Heather winks at Jessica, and Jessica smiles back. The universe explodes.
Marissa comes over and tries to remind Heather about their agreement, but Heather says it doesn't matter anymore because she told everyone the truth. Marissa threatens that she'll do everything in her power to make sure that Heather and her squad don't win.
That afternoon the girls are getting ready for their seventies disco routine, wearing Heather's skanky uniforms, which Jessica admits look "sharp." Sharp = skanky for Jess, though. They prepare to leave, but the door is jammed or locked from the outside or something. Jessica and Heather realize Marissa James must be behind this. Their performance starts in 30 minutes, leaving them very little time. Jessica attempts to break it down by slamming her fist into it, which would have worked if she was Todd and had the power of the mighty Todd Punch, but instead she practically breaks her hand. They try to open the windows but they are sealed shut. Jessica notices a tiny window very high up, close the ceiling. Jessica figures tiny Jade can probably fit through it, but how can they reach it?
They build a four-three-two-one pyramid, which Heather says is not usually possible but worth a try. They actually manage to form it, but as Jade pushes the window open, the pyramid collapses, so the tiny window is a no-go.
The guys are at the competition and are nervous as it starts and the SVH girls are nowhere to be found, as they are scheduled to perform fifth. They run down the bleachers and off to find them, and girls are catcalling them from all directions, making it obvious they know they're not women.
Back in the cabin, Lila notices three funny looking cheerleaders heading their way. Maria recognizes Winston as his wig falls off, and Amy realizes the other two are Todd and Ken. The girls call for help and Ken unlocks the door. The girls (except Liz and Jess) laugh uproariously at the guys. They waste a bunch of time making fun of the guys until Todd orders them to get down to the field before they're disqualified.
Cut to the announcements of the winners, and SVH has come in first place again. They celebrate and Jess and Heather find themselves hugging. This time the universe implodes. The squad decides to go thank the boys, but Jessica and Elizabeth hurry away to avoid seeing them. Amy and Lila muse that they have to get the twins back together with each other and with their boyfriends. The girls make fun of the guys some more until Ken and Todd notice the twins have gone. Ken wonders if it was because of the skirt. I'm sure that if Jess wasn't already not speaking to Ken that would've sealed it.
Elizabeth walks back to the cabin, pissily moaning to herself about how mad she is Todd came here after making it clear he wants nothing to do with her. Liz is pretty thick sometimes. She figures that Todd and Ken must've made up and so Todd was here just to support his buddy. I would think Liz was stupid for assuming Todd would do all that just to "support" his friend, but then I realized that's exactly what Winston did. I love Winston but he's such a pushover.
Jessica and Lila are at an ice cream shop talking, and Jess declares she has no idea why Ken "bothered to come all the way to Yosemite dressed like a transvestite" because she's still not talking to him. Hasn't she considered that maybe Ken just realized he'd rather be a cheerleader than date one?
Lila says Jess should forgive Ken, because after all, he thought he was kissing Jess, not Liz. Jess says that's the point. He should've known it was Jess before then, so obviously she doesn't stand out to him. She says it's like the show Kiss and Tell where the guy has to figure out who his partner is just by kissing them, and Ken would get the consolation prize. Lila points out that doesn't make sense because Ken realized it was Liz, not Jess, right away, and came straight away to tell her what happened. Jess maintains that if Ken can't tell her apart from her sister then he must not really love her.
The girls are getting ready for the next competition, in which they're wearing Jess's costume, the catsuits with the skirts that go over them. But when they put on the skirts, they fall right off. They realize the Reno squad must've come in and cut the elastic out of the skirts. What a LAME trick. The girls think about what to do when Liz says they should just cheer in the catsuits, which is exactly what they do.
Cut to after the competition, which SVH won again. Jess and Liz are walking back with the Alabama girls, who are raving over their performance and SVH's comeback. Peggy May says, "Why, I plum thought you'd drop out after the first two competitions." The stupid inaccurate vernacular annoys the piss out of me.
Elizabeth thinks back to the routine they'd just done, in which Jessica and Elizabeth stood face to face and mimiced one another's moves, making it seem like a mirror. The Alabama girls think that's what cinched it for the squad. Wilhemina says they have to watch out for the Reno squad, who are still ranked first overall.
The girls then see Ken, Todd, and Winston, who are gesturing wildly for them to come over. Apparently the Alabama girls are the only ones stupid enough to not have realized they're actually guys as they wonder what squad those "hearty-lookin' girls" are on.
As Jess and Liz watch, Winston's skirt flies up, revealing "gangly, muscular legs." He tries in vain to keep the skirt down and then trips over his shoelace, knocking Todd and Ken down as well. Elizabeth and Jessica can't hold in their laughter anymore, and urge the confused Alabama squad to go on without them. The girls laugh and exclaim together over how ridiculous the boys looked, and then look at the guys again. The boys are standing again but Ken is chasing his blonde hair around, as his wig fell off and a gust of wind caught it. The girls break down laughing again.
Then the girls remember they're mad at each other again and quiet down, and then Liz tries again to explain to Jess and apologize. This time Jess listens as Elizabeth cries and says that the worst part of all this was that she had lost Jess. Jess says of course Liz hasn't lost her, and that they are soul mates. Awww. Jess comments that it looks like she hasn't lost Todd either because he must be there to get Liz back. Liz says that's not true, he's just there for Ken, and Jessica tells her she's an idiot because not too many guys would get dressed up like cheerleaders to keep their friends company. Except for Winston, but he doesn't matter.
The girls decide they're ready to forgive the guys, but first they want to make them pay a little. They consider their revenge plot and think about how the guys said they're from Saskatchewan, Canada.
Cut to the next day, at the grand finale, the girls are waiting for their turn to cheer. First is Reno, though, who pull off a spectacular performance, including a "weird" move at the end in which they swish their pom-poms back and forth on the stage. The girls wonder why they did that but are too stupid naive to consider the fact that the Reno squad has tried to screw them over in every other competition, so they must have something planned this time.
SVH is the final squad to perform, but when they're announced, Jessica and Liz run up to the podium and annouce they have a special treat. Everyone has been wondering about the big girls from Saskatchewan, and Liz and Jess think it's a shame for them to have come this far without getting a chance to be on stage. Liz calls the "girls" from Saskatchewan up to the stage. Love it.
Ken, Todd, and Winston are horrified but are forced to go up there because of the uproar from the crowd. They make their way onstage and Todd says to do the Be Aggressive cheer, which they've heard enough to know. Rock music blares out of the speakers and they move into the cheer. This scene is classic and I really want to just type the whole thing out but it's really long.
Todd rolls his wrists around each other in front of his body and then lifts his right, then left arm up into the air, Ken and Winston mimic him. Todd yells "C-A-N-A-D-A, we're gonna blow you away!" and Ken and Todd repeat him, shaking their hips and bumping them together. Todd puts his arms in the air and twirls around like a ballerina, giving the audience a good view of their muscular legs. Suddenly the guys start slipping around as the floor seems to be covered in some sort of oily substance. Elizabeth and Jessica notice they seem to be slipping a lot more than they expected, as though the floor had oil on it. Jess and Liz realize Marissa James must've done something, and they go to find the referee.
The guys continue their wild cheer, throwing their shoes off, hoping they'd slip less that way. They do some crooked cartwheels but when Winston does his, his red wig flies off and when he puts it back on, he puts it on backward. They keep right on cheering though, until they see Ms. Balsam coming, who looks pissed. They run off the stage.
Meanwhile, Jess and Liz have reported their concerns to the referee, and accused the Reno squad. The referee heads over, and Jess becomes even more sure than before they'd done it because they're the only group there not laughing. The referee demands to search the Reno squad's bags. Marissa tries to put up a fight but the referee searches them anyway and finds 24 empty bottles of baby oil in their bags, with rubber bands attached to it, which Jessica realizes would easily attach to the handle of a pompom, and explains the weird move they'd done at the end when they swished their pom-poms on the floor.
Marissa tries to claim that they were suntanning earlier, but another girl in the squad tells her to give it up because they're just going to check the stage.
Liz and Jess go back and explain what happened to the other girls as the stage is closed to clean the floor. The girls are shocked (why?) except for Heather. Jess asked where the boys went, and it turns out they got kicked out. The stage reopens and Ms. Balsam announces there were some technical difficulties, but on with the show, and she calls up SVH. Liz and Jess worry when she doesn't mention anything about the Reno squad.
The girls yet again kick butt, finishing their routine with the four-three-two-one pyramid, which stuns the crowd. The winners are announced and SVH came in 2nd, Reno in 1st. The girls are furious the Reno squad wasn't penalized for what they did. But then Ms. Balsam comes back to the stage and announces that Reno tried to sabotage the competition, so they're disqualified, meaning SVH came in 1st for the 4th time in a row. The girls are laughing and crying with relief and pride.
Immediately they move into the awards ceremony. SVH has placed second in the national competiton. Jessica and Heather manage to share the stage this time and they both give a short speech. As they leave the stage, Heather asks Jess if she's glad she moved to Sweet Valley now? After all, if Heather hadn't come along they never would've made it this far. Jess rolls her eyes.
The scene switches to the girls walking to the bus. It's noted that the Alabama squad placed fifth overall. Todd and Winston are waiting by the buses looking like boys again, and they pretend to be really pissed off about the trick Jess and Liz played on them.
Todd and Liz walk away together and make up. It's really too boring to explain but Liz cries again. That's four times in this book.
Back to Jess, who is getting ready to board the bus, when Ken comes up and says, "Hey Liz, is that you?" Jessica turns and is ready to kick his ass for mistaking her for Liz again, but she realizes he's teasing. Of course they make up too, and Ken rides the bus back to Sweet Valley with the other cheerleaders.
Todd drops Liz off at her house, and she goes inside, where Jessica is sitting at the table with lemonade, looking through a Cheer Ahead catalog. She shows Liz a uniform, and suddenly Elizabeth realizes something she has to do. She runs upstairs, takes off her cheerleading uniform and puts on her regular clothes, and gives Jess the uniform back. Jess says, "So I didn't convert you?" Liz says no, but she got lots of material to write about. THE END.
There's a little blurb about the next book, which is the crazy as hell "Murder in Paradise" book.
Whew. I warned you guys I was long winded. Hope you enjoyed. :)