The Unicorn Club #2: Maria's Movie Comeback
Here's a rare thing- a Unicorn Club recap!
WOOT!
This particular book is narrated by Maria Slater. Yes, the Maria Slater. You know, famous child star who was of young Drew Barrymore talent and adorability. Maria constantly mentions her super brilliant career, and how she will go back to Hollywood one day. That is, if they'll still want you Maria. Hollywood is fickle.
Sorry for the small pic. Maria is meant to be ridiculously good-looking, but on the cover she looks a bit... slow? Like how Macaulay Culkin used to be super adorable, then grew up to look like a seedy hobo. Evie (the little Asian one) is a cutie though. Jessica is passable. I don't know what Mandy/Lila's wearing, but it freaks me out.
A few facts about "the" Maria Slater's sterling film career. Despite all descriptions of her films I've read being remakes or horrors (*cough* B movies *cough*), she had "the most winning smile in America". She also did commercials, "most notably" for Softee toilet paper (ha ha! Ew!) and for Princess macaroni. The macaroni company sold 3 million boxes as soon as the commercial aired. That was her peak, and then no one wanted to cast her coz she was too old and too pimply. It doesn't say that, but I know it's true. So she wanted a break form showbiz (quit before you're fired, right?), and her family moved to Sweet Valley.
Book one is recapped, and a bit is told about the club members- Mandy, Mary, Lila, Ellen, Elizabeth, Jessica, and Maria. Apparently now that Janet Howell's left, everyone is really nice. Sure.
But they're stuck- they owe their principal, Mr Clark, a new toupee, and they need to repaint the lockers after Jessica painted a big purple stripe down the side. To raise money to repaint the lockers, Mandy mentions a new thrift store/op shop/secondhand place that needs staff after school for the next couple of weeks. How convenient!
Other news at the Unicorn meeting is that Maria has auditioned for the lead in the school play. She's nervous, but everyone assures her she's a shoo-in. She's had professional experience! Actually, I don't remember reading anything about Maria's theatre career, only film and TV. They're very different styles, and sometimes people are only good at one. But I guess in this she is brilliant at all acting, even convincing you to buy three-ply loo paper for extra bum comfort. Now that's the mark of an acting legend.
Elizabeth dredges up a news article about an indie film which will be shooting some scenes in Sweet Valley. Sublte foreshadowing- can you pick it? Liz and Maria remember the fun times working on that horror movie last year (you mean that actually happened!?)
Liz is wearing a purple ribbon in her ponytail instead of her "trademark" blue. Tool.
Turns out, the woman who runs the thrift store is Clara Kim, a famous actress who once worked with Maria. Clara and her granddaughter Evie have moved to Sweet Valley when Clara stopped getting work in Hollywood. Evie is a year younger than Maria and used to idolise her on the film set (and by idolise I mean copy and stalk, but that's cute when you're a kid, I guess). The stuff in the thrift store is all Clara's possessions, which she's selling to earn cash. The book doesn't really go into Clara and Evie's depressing situation, which is typical of Sweet Valley. Avoid the real issues ordeal with them in a completely inappropriate way.
Jessica hasn't picked the paint up yet. She's ordered it though.
Next day, they're at the Childcare Centre. Maria explains a bit about the kids. Apparently Arthue Foo has a bunch of brothers and sisters and his parents work in the greengrocers. Stereotype!
But GASP! The centre's roof has caved in, and the centre has to close until they can find a boatload of money to repair it. Arthur Foo's mother will have to keep her oldest son Franklin home from college to baby-sit Arthur, coz he's their only kid over 16. That blows, man. He should just take the kid to class with him. All the other parents are worried, coz they can't afford to do anything with their kids while the centre's closed. Looksl ike a right pickle! Who can solve this terrible dilemma?!
Maria and Mandy are at the thrift store the next day after school, dressing up in the vintage clothes. Mandy is all "cyberpunk-flapper". Maria is wearing "sweatpants cut off at the knee worn with a beaded evening sweater, Lurex stockings, and laced up ankle boots. No comment.
They're strutting around, showing off to the other Unicorns, when a guy walks in and loooves it. He's not a perv, he's Tom Sanders- the director who's going to be filming in Sweet Valley! The film's a low-budget indie flick called Secondhand Rose, and he wants all the costumes to be all thrifty and funky. Then he recognises Maria! He's been a fan since her first commercial! How can you be a fan of someone just from a commercial? Maybe she was reeeeally convincing in needing that toilet paper.
Tom offers Maria a small part in the film- a character role which will earn the actress a lot of attention. He offers he double scale, but she haggles for triple. He agrees. Maria then tells the Unicorns she'll use the money to pay for a new roof at the Centre.
I don't get it. Why is he paying Maria triple scale when he's trying to keep costs down? Oh well. I guess she's THAT brilliant. Her parents agree to it, and it's all go. Mrs Willard (the centre's manager) cries at Maria's awesomeness.
Jessica still hasn't picked up the paint.
Evie gets invitedto sit at the Unicorner (best table name ever!). Evie spouts prose on how unbelievably talented Maria is. I'm getting reeeeally sick of how they try to make her brilliant when she's obviously Captain Average.
If she was so fabulous that no one ever said no to her, I imagine the other Unicorns would have heard of her beforehand. Much like Dakota Fanning.
Evie talks about the problems her gran was having in Hollywood with money. The conversation descends into a deep chat about the economy. Jessica worries she won't get her allowance if the economy goes downhill. Hee.
Evie leaves, and the club decides to help her and Clara by starting a thrift shop clothing trend. They show up the next day in awesome(?) thrift store clothes, and everyone dashes to the store to get a fashion makeover, courtesy of Mandy.
Maria gets a B on a paper, and goes to the teacher to try to raise her grade. Despite her acting and her "winning smile", the teacher refuses, and Maria begins to doubt her acting ability. Next, she discovers that she lost the lead role in the school play! How is this possible? Theeen she tries to sell some furniture at the store to a snobby couple who drive a brand new Jeep ("the kind of vehicle that really screams for attention", and future ride of the Wakefield twins), and fails.Is she losing her magic talent?
She's pretty egotistic really. She's always thinking that her little performances are "classic Maria Slater stuff", and referring to herself as the Maria Slater. Yuuuck. Plus she's really patronizing towards the students at SVMS who are extras in the film later on, because they don't realise how long a shot can take to set up.
The script is delivered, and Maria's scene involves a kiss with Brad Marshall, the super-hot teen star! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Maria is freaking out. She worked with him when she was younger and has a major crush on him. She decides that her acting is too crap and she can't do the movie, but she needs that money for the daycare centre. So she decides to fake being sick.
Jessica still hasn't picked up the paint. Liz is getting PO'ed. Maria's scene will be filmed at Sweet Valley Middle School, and Jess is told by Mr Clark to have the lockers painted by then- or else.
Maria's so busy faking being sick that andy takes pity on her at the thrift store and sends her home to sleep. Maria feels guilty coz Mandy had cancer last year, REAL sickness, and here is Maria being a big fat faker and getting sympathy. Maria goes home and practices being sick until she's busted by Evie, who calls her a stupid talentless bitch "spoiled brat with a big toothy smile and a limo". But Maria doesn't even have a limo now. She's even lamer. Evie runs away, and Maria feels like a complete ratfink. She hides out in her room and refuses to talk to anyone, but the Unicorns and Evie bust in to talk to her. Maria confesses her fears, and then Clara comes in and sets her straight, and the Unicorns make her feel better.
Jess picked up the paint at the last minute, and the club sneaks into the school super early to paint the lockers. But the store has stuffed up and send the wrong colour. They have electric pink! Jess mentions that Mr Clark only said paint the lockers, and didn't state what colour, so they decide to paint them bright pink anyway. When the students finally arrive at school, they love it, and so does Tom Sanders. Mr Clark is pissed though.
The shot is set up, and action! Maria feels herself slipping away as she becomes her character, geeky but sweet school nerd Becky McGillan. The scene rolls, the kiss happens, and Maria leans against the lockers dreamily. Then Jessica "jackrabbits" into the scene and slaps a 'Wet Paint' sign on the lockers next to Maria's head. Maria stays in character and walks away down the hall with pink paint slathered on her back.
One take! Perfect! Only the best from the Maria Slater. Gag me.
The take is approved, so Jess gets to be in the movie too!
Everyone's happy.
The centre's roof is fixed, and Mrs Willard suggests renaming the club the Angels. Nice foreshadowing, ghostwriter! The Angels vs. Unicorns thing is a few books away yet.
Maria asks the drama teacher why she wasn't cast, and it turns out it's because she's too good and wouldn't learn anything from the part. Pleeeeease.
Clara's stoked with how much money she's earned while the Unicorns have been running the shop, so she pays them double the original fee. I thought they were trying to make more money for Clara and Evie? Defeats the purpose if the Unicorns get lots of it.
And finally, Tom Sanders sends them club jackets, and also one for Evie, who is the newest Unicorn. Huzzah.
WOOT!
This particular book is narrated by Maria Slater. Yes, the Maria Slater. You know, famous child star who was of young Drew Barrymore talent and adorability. Maria constantly mentions her super brilliant career, and how she will go back to Hollywood one day. That is, if they'll still want you Maria. Hollywood is fickle.
Sorry for the small pic. Maria is meant to be ridiculously good-looking, but on the cover she looks a bit... slow? Like how Macaulay Culkin used to be super adorable, then grew up to look like a seedy hobo. Evie (the little Asian one) is a cutie though. Jessica is passable. I don't know what Mandy/Lila's wearing, but it freaks me out.
A few facts about "the" Maria Slater's sterling film career. Despite all descriptions of her films I've read being remakes or horrors (*cough* B movies *cough*), she had "the most winning smile in America". She also did commercials, "most notably" for Softee toilet paper (ha ha! Ew!) and for Princess macaroni. The macaroni company sold 3 million boxes as soon as the commercial aired. That was her peak, and then no one wanted to cast her coz she was too old and too pimply. It doesn't say that, but I know it's true. So she wanted a break form showbiz (quit before you're fired, right?), and her family moved to Sweet Valley.
Book one is recapped, and a bit is told about the club members- Mandy, Mary, Lila, Ellen, Elizabeth, Jessica, and Maria. Apparently now that Janet Howell's left, everyone is really nice. Sure.
But they're stuck- they owe their principal, Mr Clark, a new toupee, and they need to repaint the lockers after Jessica painted a big purple stripe down the side. To raise money to repaint the lockers, Mandy mentions a new thrift store/op shop/secondhand place that needs staff after school for the next couple of weeks. How convenient!
Other news at the Unicorn meeting is that Maria has auditioned for the lead in the school play. She's nervous, but everyone assures her she's a shoo-in. She's had professional experience! Actually, I don't remember reading anything about Maria's theatre career, only film and TV. They're very different styles, and sometimes people are only good at one. But I guess in this she is brilliant at all acting, even convincing you to buy three-ply loo paper for extra bum comfort. Now that's the mark of an acting legend.
Elizabeth dredges up a news article about an indie film which will be shooting some scenes in Sweet Valley. Sublte foreshadowing- can you pick it? Liz and Maria remember the fun times working on that horror movie last year (you mean that actually happened!?)
Liz is wearing a purple ribbon in her ponytail instead of her "trademark" blue. Tool.
Turns out, the woman who runs the thrift store is Clara Kim, a famous actress who once worked with Maria. Clara and her granddaughter Evie have moved to Sweet Valley when Clara stopped getting work in Hollywood. Evie is a year younger than Maria and used to idolise her on the film set (and by idolise I mean copy and stalk, but that's cute when you're a kid, I guess). The stuff in the thrift store is all Clara's possessions, which she's selling to earn cash. The book doesn't really go into Clara and Evie's depressing situation, which is typical of Sweet Valley. Avoid the real issues ordeal with them in a completely inappropriate way.
Jessica hasn't picked the paint up yet. She's ordered it though.
Next day, they're at the Childcare Centre. Maria explains a bit about the kids. Apparently Arthue Foo has a bunch of brothers and sisters and his parents work in the greengrocers. Stereotype!
But GASP! The centre's roof has caved in, and the centre has to close until they can find a boatload of money to repair it. Arthur Foo's mother will have to keep her oldest son Franklin home from college to baby-sit Arthur, coz he's their only kid over 16. That blows, man. He should just take the kid to class with him. All the other parents are worried, coz they can't afford to do anything with their kids while the centre's closed. Looksl ike a right pickle! Who can solve this terrible dilemma?!
Maria and Mandy are at the thrift store the next day after school, dressing up in the vintage clothes. Mandy is all "cyberpunk-flapper". Maria is wearing "sweatpants cut off at the knee worn with a beaded evening sweater, Lurex stockings, and laced up ankle boots. No comment.
They're strutting around, showing off to the other Unicorns, when a guy walks in and loooves it. He's not a perv, he's Tom Sanders- the director who's going to be filming in Sweet Valley! The film's a low-budget indie flick called Secondhand Rose, and he wants all the costumes to be all thrifty and funky. Then he recognises Maria! He's been a fan since her first commercial! How can you be a fan of someone just from a commercial? Maybe she was reeeeally convincing in needing that toilet paper.
Tom offers Maria a small part in the film- a character role which will earn the actress a lot of attention. He offers he double scale, but she haggles for triple. He agrees. Maria then tells the Unicorns she'll use the money to pay for a new roof at the Centre.
I don't get it. Why is he paying Maria triple scale when he's trying to keep costs down? Oh well. I guess she's THAT brilliant. Her parents agree to it, and it's all go. Mrs Willard (the centre's manager) cries at Maria's awesomeness.
Jessica still hasn't picked up the paint.
Evie gets invitedto sit at the Unicorner (best table name ever!). Evie spouts prose on how unbelievably talented Maria is. I'm getting reeeeally sick of how they try to make her brilliant when she's obviously Captain Average.
If she was so fabulous that no one ever said no to her, I imagine the other Unicorns would have heard of her beforehand. Much like Dakota Fanning.
Evie talks about the problems her gran was having in Hollywood with money. The conversation descends into a deep chat about the economy. Jessica worries she won't get her allowance if the economy goes downhill. Hee.
Evie leaves, and the club decides to help her and Clara by starting a thrift shop clothing trend. They show up the next day in awesome(?) thrift store clothes, and everyone dashes to the store to get a fashion makeover, courtesy of Mandy.
Maria gets a B on a paper, and goes to the teacher to try to raise her grade. Despite her acting and her "winning smile", the teacher refuses, and Maria begins to doubt her acting ability. Next, she discovers that she lost the lead role in the school play! How is this possible? Theeen she tries to sell some furniture at the store to a snobby couple who drive a brand new Jeep ("the kind of vehicle that really screams for attention", and future ride of the Wakefield twins), and fails.Is she losing her magic talent?
She's pretty egotistic really. She's always thinking that her little performances are "classic Maria Slater stuff", and referring to herself as the Maria Slater. Yuuuck. Plus she's really patronizing towards the students at SVMS who are extras in the film later on, because they don't realise how long a shot can take to set up.
The script is delivered, and Maria's scene involves a kiss with Brad Marshall, the super-hot teen star! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Maria is freaking out. She worked with him when she was younger and has a major crush on him. She decides that her acting is too crap and she can't do the movie, but she needs that money for the daycare centre. So she decides to fake being sick.
Jessica still hasn't picked up the paint. Liz is getting PO'ed. Maria's scene will be filmed at Sweet Valley Middle School, and Jess is told by Mr Clark to have the lockers painted by then- or else.
Maria's so busy faking being sick that andy takes pity on her at the thrift store and sends her home to sleep. Maria feels guilty coz Mandy had cancer last year, REAL sickness, and here is Maria being a big fat faker and getting sympathy. Maria goes home and practices being sick until she's busted by Evie, who calls her a stupid talentless bitch "spoiled brat with a big toothy smile and a limo". But Maria doesn't even have a limo now. She's even lamer. Evie runs away, and Maria feels like a complete ratfink. She hides out in her room and refuses to talk to anyone, but the Unicorns and Evie bust in to talk to her. Maria confesses her fears, and then Clara comes in and sets her straight, and the Unicorns make her feel better.
Jess picked up the paint at the last minute, and the club sneaks into the school super early to paint the lockers. But the store has stuffed up and send the wrong colour. They have electric pink! Jess mentions that Mr Clark only said paint the lockers, and didn't state what colour, so they decide to paint them bright pink anyway. When the students finally arrive at school, they love it, and so does Tom Sanders. Mr Clark is pissed though.
The shot is set up, and action! Maria feels herself slipping away as she becomes her character, geeky but sweet school nerd Becky McGillan. The scene rolls, the kiss happens, and Maria leans against the lockers dreamily. Then Jessica "jackrabbits" into the scene and slaps a 'Wet Paint' sign on the lockers next to Maria's head. Maria stays in character and walks away down the hall with pink paint slathered on her back.
One take! Perfect! Only the best from the Maria Slater. Gag me.
The take is approved, so Jess gets to be in the movie too!
Everyone's happy.
The centre's roof is fixed, and Mrs Willard suggests renaming the club the Angels. Nice foreshadowing, ghostwriter! The Angels vs. Unicorns thing is a few books away yet.
Maria asks the drama teacher why she wasn't cast, and it turns out it's because she's too good and wouldn't learn anything from the part. Pleeeeease.
Clara's stoked with how much money she's earned while the Unicorns have been running the shop, so she pays them double the original fee. I thought they were trying to make more money for Clara and Evie? Defeats the purpose if the Unicorns get lots of it.
And finally, Tom Sanders sends them club jackets, and also one for Evie, who is the newest Unicorn. Huzzah.