Sweet Valley High Super Thriller: "R" for Revenge
Hey gang! I’ve been lurking around here for a few months now, and I love everyone’s work! You guys are hilarious. And so I figured it was about time that I contribute to the fun and do a little recap of my own.
I know this book has been done before, but it’s the only Sweet Valley I have at my place. (I saw it at a thrift store last year, all my childhood memories came rushing back, and I knew I had to have it.) I’ll have to stop by my parents’ house and dig into my box-full of old Sweet Valley High books to see if there are others that haven’t been covered yet. But for now, here is “R” for Revenge, version 2.0.
There's a picture of the cover here.
The prologue starts off with our intrepid heroine, Jessica Wakefield, tied up to a pillar in a basement as water slowly fills the room. She is accompanied by the seven other members of her cheerleading squad: Lila Fowler (woo!), Heather Mallone (cheerleading co-captain and Jessica’s arch-rival), Annie Whitman (Wrong Kind of Girl, aka repentant slut who went into a coma so that she could join the squad) , Maria Santelli (daughter of the mayor), Amy Sutton (former gossipy bitch who has recently reformed to become a helpline worker), Patty Gilbert (supa dancer), and Jade Wu (she’s short - no really, it’s an important plot point). Jess is in mortal peril, and she thinks about how she’s having a bad hair day. Is it any surprise then, that she asks herself why she didn’t see this coming? Why didn’t she see that the cheerleading advisor was going to go crazy and kidnap the squad so that she could drown them in her basement?
(The answer: it’s because Jessica is really, really dumb and self-centered. Dude, I saw it coming from a mile away!)
So, after the tension-filled prologue (will the cheerleaders survive to cheer again??), the first chapter goes back to a week before. It’s cheerleading practice, which is basically there to introduce all of the girls and set-up the plot. Lila says that she is only filling in for a few weeks because another girl sprained her ankle. She doesn’t really want to, because she thinks that cheerleading is unsophisticated, but after Jessica’s begging, Lila agrees to help out, and admits that “I need the exercise. My personal trainer, Hugo, just ran off for an extended vacation in Switzerland… and the latest runway shows are all featuring clingy knits! I can’t afford to lose muscle tone while Hugo’s in the Alps.” Oh Lila. I don’t care what your excuse is. I’m just glad you’re here to make this book awesome. Anyway, between convincing Lila to cheer, Jessica spends the rest of her time bitching and bickering with Heather. As Jessica and Heather are fighting, all of a sudden, The Cutest Boy Jessica Has Ever Seen appears. Jessica and Heather immediately start doing fancy cheerleading moves to impress the hot guy. Since they are always fighting with each other about everything, it’s obvious that they must now fight to win the affections of the cute stranger. I think he’s kind of a creep, because he pulls out a camera and starts taking pictures of the girls. Eww. But Jessica just loves the attention, of course. Always awesome Lila asks if this is the third or fourth love of Jessica’s life this month. Jess doesn’t even know his name! “What’s in a name?” Jessica asked philosophically. She cocked her head. “Didn’t somebody famous say that?” “Probably someone with a name like Seymour or Maurice.” Okay, so I take it back. Lila isn’t always awesome. Sometimes she’s dumb too.
Meanwhile, Elizabeth is being scholarly and smart. She goes to a meeting in Chrome Dome Cooper’s office where the principal introduces her to a woman named Diane who was a cheerleader at Sweet Valley High in 1976 when they went to a championship and blablabla, she wants to write an article about the old cheerleaders and she needs Elizabeth’s help doing research because Mr. Collins told her that Liz is the smartest girl in school and that it would make her wet dreams come true if she could see her name in a by-line for Scoop magazine. Diane then introduces Liz to her photographer, who is, of course, The Hottest Guy EVER from before. His name is Brad, and it turns out that it wasn’t just me who thought that he was creepy, because as soon as everyone else is out of sight, he begins to hit on Elizabeth in the grossest and most overt way possible. He’s confused as to why she isn’t receptive. After all, she seemed totally into him while he was taking pictures of her outside! At first, Elizabeth is confused, but then she realizes. Of course, it’s my slutty better half! Actually, you’d think that Elizabeth would have gotten used to this sort of thing by now. Jessica flirts with a new boy in every book.
After ditching creepy Brad, Liz heads straight to the school library to start her research for the article. When she’s there, she sees the assistant librarian, Nancy Swanson, who is shy and quiet and always listens to old music and dresses in ‘70s clothes. And to top it off, Nancy seems ever so interested in how the cheerleaders are doing, and whenever she talks, she covers her mouth with her hand, as if to hide something. A disfiguring twitch, perhaps?
Back to cheerleader practice, Jessica and Heather fight some more. Also, the girls learned that due to a plot contrivance, all student groups must now have a faculty or staff member act as an advisor. Hmm… I wonder who they should ask. The girls agree that it should be someone who won’t get in their way, so that Jessica and Heather can still boss everyone around, and who won’t object if they want to wear slutty uniforms. No, really.
Later when they’re out for pizza at Guido’s with Trusty Boyfriend Todd, Jess begs Liz for info on Brad. Liz promises to find out more about him, but only if Jess does one thing: asks Nancy Swanson to be the advisor for the cheerleading team! After all, she so nice and friendly and always seems interested in the cheerleaders. Because Jessica would do anything for a man, she agrees to the deal. What follows is a hilarious scene where the cheerleaders go to talk to Nancy the next day, but they’re all appalled that they have to spend time in the library to do so. Cheerleaders don’t read books! They ask Nancy, and she agrees, even though she seems reticent for an absolutely non-suspicious reason. She also covers her mouth with her hand a lot.
Afterwards, Liz does research in the library for the Scoop article. Enid and the other Maria hang out with her because they have nothing better to do. They look up old yearbooks and mock the old styles. Then they mock cheerleaders in general. Elizabeth cringes as she remembers her brief time as a cheerleader during the Pom Pom Wars. “Surely you miss the intellectual challenge of spelling out letters with your arms,” Maria said sarcastically. “True,” Elizabeth joked. “Sometimes when I’m alone in my room, I still get the urge to do R-O-W-D-I-E! That’s the way you spell rowdy!” What? Is that our perfect Elizabeth Wakefield making a joke at someone else’s expense? The three girls start yelling out stupid cheers in the middle of the library. Liz also asks Nancy if she knows anything about the girls of ‘76, but Nancy gets all mysteriously upset and doesn’t answer.
Jessica, Amy, and Lila are at the Beach Disco. Jess bemoans the fact that she hasn’t yet hooked up with Brad. The girls notice Heather dancing with Jeffrey French! Jessica is shocked. Amy thinks it’s because he used to date Elizabeth. But really, it’s because Jess was once in love with Jeffrey too! Man, these girls really are constantly falling in love with each others’ boyfriends. Finally, Jess remembers that she is supposed to be in love with Brad in this book, so she’s happy that Heather is with Jeffrey, as that means that Jess won’t have to compete with her over Brad.
The next day, Todd wants to spend some time with Elizabeth, but she is too busy looking up old cheerleaders. So they stop speaking to each other. Liz is sad, but she doesn't do anything about it.
Jessica sees Brad walking through the parking lot, so she rushes over to flirt with him. Flirty banter ensues. He asks her out.
Nancy spends her evenings listening to old music and going crazy as she remembers vague things from her past.
Jessica and Brad’s date consists of them making out at Miller’s Point. The next day, she catches him with his arms around Heather. “It’s me he likes, “Jessica said aloud, setting off across the parking lot toward the school and cheerleading practice. “He couldn’t possibly have feelings for that mentally challenged barracuda.” Exhibit One of Jessica’s ability to completely ignore what is right in front of her face.
Liz, Diane and Brad meet one of the former cheerleaders. Brad takes this time to hit on Liz, even though he knows she has a boyfriend. Diane and the other old cheerleader talk about their memories, and mention that there was another girl who quit their squad early on in the year because she had some weird disease or something and they weren’t very nice to her. Liz decides that she should find this mysterious girl. Too bad they can’t remember her name. (I’ll bet it rhymes with Dancy Twanson.)
Back at cheerleading practice, Nancy is a super advisor! She turns out to be the best thing ever for the cheerleading squad, because even though she says weird ‘70s things like “groovy” and “far-out”, she actually knows a lot about cheerleading! She helps the girls out with their moves, and orders them some cool seventies-inspired uniforms.
After practice, Nancy is tortured by memories of dun, dun, dun… when she was a cheerleader with the girls of ‘76! It was the happiest time of her life, until she developed a twitch that made her grimace horrifically at random times, and the other cheerleaders pressured her to quit the team, because after all, how can you be a cheerleader if you can’t smile? Nancy’s only comfort was her boyfriend, George. As Nancy remembers, she keeps getting confused and mixing up the old girls with the present ones. I’m sure that confusion won’t have any dire consequences later on.
At the next day’s practice, Friday, Amy and Jade aren’t there, and Nancy tells the other girls it’s because she sent them to White Cliffs to pick up those new uniforms she ordered. And then she says “As I always say, What goes around comes around. Rewards and punishments all tend to even out in the end. People eventually get what they deserve.” This is not at all what someone who is tortured by her past and is planning some R-E-V-E-N-G-I-E would say.
Liz and her Maria are in the Oracle office when Todd comes in because he has some papers to deliver to John the Rapist. He acts all bitchy towards Liz while he’s there. “Let me guess, it’s the same old argument you and Todd always have: Fill in the name of Liz’s current project. Todd’s all, like, ‘You’re spending too much time on that Scoop scoop and neglecting me!’ And you’re all ‘Can’t you see how important this is to me? It’s only for a few days! Get a life!’” Hey now, Maria, making fun of Liz and Todd’s relationship is supposed to be my job. Back off.
Friday night, Jess is getting ready for another date with Brad when Amy’s mom calls asking Jess if she knows where Amy is, since she never came home after school. Jess brushes it off. Amy Sutton’s whereabouts was not exactly at the top of her priority list for things to think about right now. She still had to make a final decision about the belt, put on her makeup, and select her earrings for her date tonight. Any spare time should be spent thinking about her hunky photographer, not about Amy’s worried mom. Oh Jess, I love your sociopathic ways. Jess assumes that Amy and Jade are partying at White Cliffs, so she lies and tells Amy’s mom that they’re probably just still waiting for those uniforms. Amy’s mom doesn’t know anything about the uniforms, of course.
Cut to Nancy at home, turning up her music to drown out the shouts that are coming from the girls tied up in her basement. OF COURSE. She has more flashbacks to her high school days, when the old cheerleaders were so mean to her. The meanest one was Loretta, who she keeps confusing with Heather. Loretta even stole Nancy’s boyfriend, George, away from her!
Saturday morning, Liz is feeling sad and misses Todd. Jess is happily reliving her date with Brad the night before. Liz wonders if she should tell Jess about Brad being all sleazy and hitting on her, but then decides not to. With friends like Liz, it’s no wonder girls are getting attempted-raped left, right and centre in this town.
Nancy kidnaps Heather and locks her up with the other two. There is mention of the fact that her basement door can be sealed airtight. She has more flashbacks to her past, confronting George about kissing Loretta. George says that he was just talking to her to try and convince her to give Nancy another chance. But Loretta calls Nancy a circus freak and then speeds away with George in her car.
Jess decides to surprise Brad at his hotel. “Hi Heath-“ Brad sang out. Then his face froze. “I mean - hi, Jessica!” Dude, you are busted. Jess gets angry when Brad admits that he was expecting Heather to show up. He’s been dating both of them! The whole Jeffrey thing was just a red herring. Scum. But somehow, he convinces Jess that it doesn’t matter, since he’ll be going back home once the article on the girls of ‘76 wraps up, so it’s not like they’re serious or anything. Jess is cool with this, so she makes out with him some more. Yep, there’s a reason she’s not the smart twin.
Next day, Jess gets a call from Heather’s mother, who’s worried because Heather never came home last night. Jess recalls that Heather also never made it to her date with Brad. She thinks it’s a bit odd that there are now three missing cheerleaders, but she doesn’t get too concerned. Besides, with Heather out of the picture, she now has Brad all to herself.
The only old cheerleader that Liz and Diane haven’t been able to locate is Loretta. They go to Loretta’s sister’s house, where the sister tells them that Loretta tragically killed herself after high school. They learn that she was in a horrific car accident, and there was this guy named George with her who died. (During this time, Liz remembers when she was in a car crash and accidentally killed Sam with magical vodka. Car accidents are not good, she thinks. Wow, Liz, thanks for your insightful thoughts.) Loretta was never able to forgive herself for the accident, especially since George’s girlfriend went psycho when she found out about his death and accused Loretta of murdering him, which affected Loretta more than the accident itself did. So she killed herself. Her sister, however, will never forget the girl who yelled at Loretta, whose face was twisted with hatred, so much that she looked like she was wearing one of those creepy Halloween masks. Sister-person, you shouldn’t judge. Sometimes people get vague diseases that cause them to have uncontrollably twitchy faces and rage issues. It totally happened to the assistant librarian at my friend’s school once.
Jess goes to the mall to buy a new outfit for her next date with Brad. She runs into Annie, who says she was supposed to meet Maria and Patty, but they aren’t there. Hmm… that’s five cheerleaders missing now, and Jess is the only one who knows about it! But she doesn’t get too concerned, because she’d rather think about Brad. Later on, Jess is walking out of her house, when a car drives up with Nancy, Lila and Annie in it. Nancy points a gun at Jess and forces her to get in. And then Jess sees why Nancy is always covering her face. She has a horrible twitch!
Finally, Nancy has her whole collection! Jess and the other cheerleaders are trapped in her basement. The water is running and slowly flooding the room. It’s already at Jessica’s hips. Jade is the worst off, because she’s so short that she’ll be the first to drown.
Liz is saddened by the memories of that time she killed a guy. She wants to call Todd, but he hangs up on her. She’s been working so hard on her research all week; she just wants to have a little fun with him! When Jessica was leaving the house that day, she lied and told everyone that the cheerleaders were all meeting up to have a sleepover at Maria Santelli’s house. Liz imagines the girls having so much fun, and wishes that she could join in the fun too. She realizes that she has been working too hard. Maybe Todd was right.
As Jessica starts to spend more time trapped, she gets delirious: Nancy Swanson had gone back upstairs several hours earlier, but Jessica couldn’t forget the terrible things she had said. As twisted as the cheerleading adviser had become, Jessica had to admit there was truth in her words: the popular girls, the girls who care only about themselves, about makeup and clothes and boys. “That’s me!” Jessica whispered, ashamed of herself. For more than a week everything else in her life had taken a backseat to her fling with Brad. She’d lied to her parents, she’d refused to admit that her sister was really depressed. She’d even lied to Heather’s mom and to Amy’s. Deep down, Jessica had known all along that her relationship with Brad was fun but meaningless. If she hadn’t been so intent on dating him and showing up Heather, all eight of the cheerleaders might be home right now, safe in their beds - instead of standing in frigid black water that reached to Jessica’s chest.
Jess, it’s the hunger pangs talking! Don’t worry! As soon as you’re free, you’ll forget all these silly feelings of guilt!
Jessica yells out that it’s all her fault! But no, Heather says that it’s her fault! Annie says no, they’re all to blame. The girls all forgive each other for the mean things that they’ve been saying and doing lately. Aww. They declare that they can’t lose hope! The team is going to make it out of this together! Go team! Rah, rah, rah!
Monday morning. Nobody seems to be too concerned that none of the cheerleaders are at school, because Nancy has spread the word that they decided to have a big cheerleader skip day after their slumber party from the night before. Liz keeps trying to figure out who was the cheerleader on the ‘76 squad who had quit early on in the year, the one with the mysterious medical condition. But before she can figure it out, Todd appears. He misses her too! All is forgiven, and they head out to lunch together.
Meanwhile, the cheerleaders have managed to untie themselves. The water is getting dangerously close to head-level, and Jade and Heather almost drown before the other girls can untie them. They all crowd at the top of the stairs, banging furiously at the door, but it is still sealed shut.
After school, Liz is waiting for Todd, when Nancy drives past her. Liz thinks about how becoming the cheerleader advisor had made Nancy a happier person. She took to it so well, it was as if she had been a cheerleader all her life. All her life… Liz realises that Nancy is the missing cheerleader from the ’76 squad! She ditches Todd and rushes to the Jeep to follow Nancy home and question her.
Liz barges into Nancy’s house and confronts her. Nancy won’t say anything, but when she is distracted by a phone call, all of a sudden, Liz’s twin sense kicks in and she realises that Jess is in danger! It’s about time, Liz. Jess has already been trapped for a day and a half. Then Liz hears the girls banging on the basement door. She wrestles with Nancy to try to get it open, but Nancy overpowers her and forces her into the basement with the others. Oh noes! Now Liz is trapped as well.
The whole basement is flooded, and the water is now coming up the stairs. The girls don’t have much time left before it will go over their heads and they’ll drown. And Jade will be the first to go, because she’s short. Liz realises that being around cheerleaders has brought Nancy back to a time when the girls of ‘76 treated her cruelly because of her disability. She thinks the current cheerleaders are the ones who betrayed her. So Liz decides that their only hope is to pretend to be the old cheerleaders and trick Nancy into thinking that they like her again. Even though the girls are sick and dying, and they're all treading water because it's gotten so high, they work together as a team and start cheering very loudly so that Nancy can hear them. They yell out that they need Nancy to join them, since she’s part of the squad too, and they want her back. Of course this works, because deep down, no one can refuse an offer to become a cheerleader. It’s the greatest dream come true. So Nancy opens the door, which makes the water rush out and knock her across the room. The girls are saved through teamwork! Hurrah!
The next day, all is back to normal. Liz gets her sweet magazine by-line. Brad leaves town, having put another two notches on his bedpost. Liz and Jess are at home with their parents, going over the events. Ned tells the girls that Nancy will be getting locked up in a psychiatric hospital. He holds up a pitcher of water and asks his daughters if they would like any. “Noo!” they yell in unison. Ha, ha! It’s funny ‘cause they’re traumatised.