SVT #47 Jessica's New Look
Elizabeth goes through the lunch line - Jessica bounds up behind her and demands Elizabeth get another piece of chocolate cake for her. Elizabeth is getting brussels sprouts. See the differences in personality? Anyway, Jessica gets super excited because there are BOYS sitting at the UNICORNER. They wouldn’t sit there if they knew it was called that. After Elizabeth buys the cake, Jessica decides she doesn’t want it because it’ll make her look like a pig in front of the BOYS.
The BOYS in question are Bruce Patman, Jake Hamilton and Aaron Dallas, Jessica’s current crush (you may recall they held each other’s interest at the “informal bowling party” a few books ago). Jessica goes to sit back in her seat, minus the cake. She sits next to Aaron, earning some glares from the other Unicorns. Jessica feels “all the eyes in the lunchroom were on her”. Probably not. The BOYS are there because there are no other seats, and they’d like to become honorary members. They deny this, but you know it’s true. I can’t help find this totally hilarious - because there are BOYS at the table, the Unicorns are too shy to speak, or eat. Jessica saves the day by thinking about what her brother likes - food and basketball. Seeing as they’re already eating, Jessica talks basketball. And does it well, because she’s on the basketball team, something I hadn’t even realised until she mentioned it. It certainly doesn’t get as much attention as the Unicorns and Boosters. Aaron asks her to a Lakers game - Jessica says yes. Once the BOYS leave, everyone is totally jealous of Jessica going out on a date. She thinks she’s the first sixth-grader to go on a date (the informal bowling party didn’t count).
Now the boys have left, Jessica retrieves her chocolate cake.
Elizabeth meets Mr Bowman after school He’s nominated her for the junior journalist column in the Sweet Valley Tribune. Her topic is ‘Students Who Make A Difference’
Elizabeth and Jessica run to tell each other the news. Lila is well jealous of Jessica’s date. Jessica can’t read the headline of the newspaper Elizabeth is carrying, and couldn’t recognise Aaron Dallas from across a crowded room earlier in the day.
Jessica tells her parents about the date. They’re actually responsible, and think it’s ok because Aaron’s parents will be there. She tries to do her homework, but gets a headache, so she decides to plan her clothes for her date. And the conversation.
Jessica nearly makes Elizabeth late for school because she spends so long planning her outfit in the bathroom. She doesn’t listen in maths because she’s thinking about Aaron. Mrs Wyler asks her to solve a problem on the board - she gets it completely wrong because she mistakes a minus sign for a plus sign. Ok, I know Jessica’s supposed to need glasses, but she’s getting totally mixed symptoms. She can’t read a headline in front of her. She can’t recognise someone from far off. She turns one sign on a chalkboard into another. What kind of freaky eye problem does she have? Also, Jessica’s class is doing subtraction? How remedial is this girl?
Although Jessica’s friends are sick of hearing about it, Mandy Miller considers Jessica and Aaron to be “the hottest couple since Romeo and Juliet”. It is unclear if she’s joking.
Mr Bowman’s class. There’s a pop quiz on the homework Jessica didn’t finish. Mr Bowman keeps Jessica behind after class and says… Jessica might need glasses!
Jessica is appalled - “Glasses are for nerds like Randy Mason and Lois Waller! Unicorns don’t wear glasses!” She promises to mention it to her parents. Mr Bowman, not being a total fool, gives her a note for them. She continues with her geeks wear glasses spiel, when Mr Bowman puts on his glasses. He’s all “I’m not a geek!” Mr Bowman is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid shirt.
At home, Jessica considers hiding the envelope. Burn it, Jessica! It’s the only way that works! She settles on underneath her mattress. Of course, Elizabeth chooses this moment to walk in. The truth comes out! Elizabeth tells her to go to the damn eye doctor. To cheer Jessica up, Elizabeth suggests a bike ride. Jessica suggests going along Myrtle Avenue, which just happens to be where Aaron lives. Jessica looked it up in the phone book last night. That’s my little stalker!
They cycle. Elizabeth counts off the house numbers until they get to Aaron’s house - Jessica can’t see the numbers until she gets really close. A piece of paper flies in front of her - but that’s not paper! That’s …a white cat. Jessica flies through the air and lands in Aaron’s garden! Being a seasoned stalker, she realizes it’s a little fishy to be found lying in your crush’s garden. Aaron has seen everything, and congratulates her on an excellent somersault. He actually asks her into his house for a drink and touches her shoulder, but Elizabeth decides they need to be moving along. Way to cock block, Liz. In Sweet Valley that’s practically second base.
Mr Bowman checks to make sure Jessica gave her parents the note - by calling them! She’s going to the eye doctor. Jessica cries, yells “You just don’t understand” and runs to her room, slamming the door behind her. She actually does this. Elizabeth tries to consol her. Jess is worried about Aaron’s reaction. Elizabeth is all if he really cares he won’t mind, true love waits, don’t have sex until you marry a criminal at university etc. Jessica really likes Aaron. I feel a little bad for her. She resolves to solve her eye problem herself - by eating loads of carrots and doing some exercise which involves following a pencil, which will no doubt give her eyestrain. She’s going to fix it over the weekend.
Jessica moves carrot sticks slowly backwards and forwards in front of her eyes, occasionally eating them, for the entire weekend.
Monday afternoon - Jessica and, for some reason, Elizabeth, are both going to the eye doctor. Maybe it’s like their periods - they’re twins, so it has to happen at the same time!
Jessica sees Dr Cruz. She tries to convince him that her eyesight is fine, pointing out the picture of his dog on his desk. It’s his grandson. Yeah, I laughed at that. Dr Cruz says she’ll need glasses for only a couple of months - her eyes have trouble focusing together, but can do so separately. I have no idea how realistic this is. Elizabeth does not need glasses.
Jessica goes to the mall to buy glasses. Elizabeth stands guard to check for kids from school. The shop assistant is a redhead with large red glasses, which means she looks like the secretary from Ghostbusters. Inevitably, Jessica gets a purple pair.
The twins shop whilst they wait for the glasses. Jessica buys some purple outfit that Lila wanted last week. You know, purple is a difficult colour to find in shops. What would the Unicorns do if it were to go out of fashion?
Jessica prepares for her first day of school wearing glasses. Her dad is cutely supportive. He even makes Steven shut up. Jessica does not wear her glasses outside the house. But she does acknowledge Mandy Miller, who is wearing bright yellow suspenders. Oh, Mandy. But not after Lila appears.
Day 2. Jessica is only wearing her glasses around her parents. The parents suggest going to see a new film that Elizabeth wants to see - Tale of Love II. Really? I hear Action Movie is far superior. Jessica worries that someone from school will see her. Gee, I sure hope not! Jessica settles down to see the movie, which is something she’s forward to
She’d been on the edge of her seat for most of Tale of Love, anxious to see if the stars would end up together. She hoped this sequel would be just as exciting and romantic.
See? But if Jessica can’t predict the end of Tale of Love, perhaps the problem lies further back than her eyes. Having said that, someone dies at the end of Love Story OMGSPOILER!
Bizarrely, the family have managed to get Steven, a fourteen-year-old boy, to watch a film, in public, called Tale of Love II. They must have told him they were going to see Action Movie. Just as Jessica is settling down, somebody recognises her - Lila! Jessica drags Lila out of the cinema to explain. Lila does the predictable is it Halloween joke. Jessica does the slightly less predictable I was trying on my mom’s glasses defence. Jessica crumbles like a stale biscuit. She bargains using the purple Kendalls outfit. Lila promises to keep the secret. Whatever. Lila’s a total frenemy.
Unsurprisingly, the next day Lila takes the outfit and makes Jessica into her personal slave.
Jumping ahead to the Skate-A-Thon, Aaron asks Jessica to skate. It’s ridiculously cute. I’m sorry - I’m incapable of mocking most of the romance in Sweet Valley Twins. It’s all so devoid of man-stealing and fake rape attempts and seems so cutely awkward. But! Her parents are there, and she’s not wearing her glasses! So instead of being told off for not wearing her glasses - which she could legitimately argue she was worried about breaking if she fell over - she knocks over Fat Lois Waller, who of course wears glasses because as Jessica told us earlier, glasses are for NERDS, and steals her glasses. She claims to Aaron (who apparently ain’t too bright) that she has saved Lois’s glasses, rather than stolen them, and puts them on to see what things look like as she passes her parents. Then she gets Aaron to give them back to Lois. Jeez. She basically mugged Lois. But her dad figures it out anyway.
Jessica decides to stay in her room for the rest of her life. The family try to convince her otherwise. Jessica refuses to be convinced, and isn’t even going to go out with Aaron. Elizabeth’s plan is to imply she likes Aaron, and ask to go to the Lakers game in Jessica’s place. Jessica agrees, and adds that maybe Steven would like the ticket. Her second plan is to call Amy and talk about how much she likes Aaron, thinking that will get Jessica out. That doesn’t work either. Actually, Jessica knew what she was doing and was pretending to be asleep. She imagines her life as a nerd - resigning from the Boosters and Unicorns, wearing unfashionable clothing and studying a lot. She’s Elizabeth, basically. She falls asleep and has a terrible dream which ends with the Unicorns chanting “Nerd Nerd Nerd”. Seems quite realistic.
Elizabeth walks in wearing glasses, and looks quite good. So does Jessica look good in them? No, because they fit with Elizabeth’s look.
Eventually things move into the inevitable Sweet Valley plot, and Elizabeth takes Jessica’s place. Hopefully she knows enough about basketball. Aaron picks up Elizabeth, and he likes her glasses! Who’d have thought Jessica was worried about nothing? The twins switch back to their rightful places. The date goes well.
B Plot
Elizabeth’s article has to be on Students Who Make A Difference. Janet Howell decides the Unicorns have to be involved in this so they’ll get publicity. Janet adds that it’ll be a good way to make up for the time they created their own newspaper. Yes, that was a tedious debacle. Belinda decides to make a list of things they could do: “For several minutes no one said a word.” They decide to raise money for something. Possibilities include boosters uniforms, a tv for the cafeteria, curling irons for the girls’ locker rooms. They decide to buy a new set of encyclopaedias because the old ones have turned mildewy because the library roof leaks. Or maybe they could get the library roof fixed. Just a thought.
The Unicorns meet to discuss their good deed. Jessica denies Ellen carrots. Janet “Stalin” Howell suggests a walk-a-thon. Jessica suggests a skate-a-thon, and although the rink is closed for repairs, the power of the Unicorns will get it reopened for their fundraiser.
Elizabeth sees the posters for the Skate-a-thon. Mandy put them up, as a favour to Jessica. Because she’s a moron.
Skate a thon night. Jessica is waiting for Elizabeth - Amy arrives. There is a pointless exchange where Jessica tells Amy Liz is still upstairs and Elizabeth announces she isn’t.
They bike to the skate-a-thon. But disaster! When the owner re-opened the rink a day early, the Unicorns assumed skates would be included. But they aren’t. Because they are being cleaned. Whatever. Anyway, everyone’s just going to pretend they have skates:
Lila and Ellen began to pretend they were skating. Gliding forward on one foot, then the other, they swung their arms by their sides in a solemn pantomime. “Look! I can skate backward!” Ellen turned around and began to move backward.
Well, if that’s what this night is going to be, it’s an excellent time for Jessica to wear her glasses. Everyone will be too busy crying with laughter to notice. Then they enter the rink and it was a joke. Who knew the Unicorns had a sense of humour?
Elizabeth’s article is published. It is great. The Unicorns use the left-over money to buy a full-length mirror for the girl’s bathroom. Also, Jessica doesn’t mind that Lila took her outfit, for some reason.
Also, Mandy Miller is a nerd. In case you weren’t aware. But is Mandy special enough to be a Unicorn? Yes. Yes she is. But only in their Affirmative Action programme, where people who are poor dressers are let in if they are quite funny.
The BOYS in question are Bruce Patman, Jake Hamilton and Aaron Dallas, Jessica’s current crush (you may recall they held each other’s interest at the “informal bowling party” a few books ago). Jessica goes to sit back in her seat, minus the cake. She sits next to Aaron, earning some glares from the other Unicorns. Jessica feels “all the eyes in the lunchroom were on her”. Probably not. The BOYS are there because there are no other seats, and they’d like to become honorary members. They deny this, but you know it’s true. I can’t help find this totally hilarious - because there are BOYS at the table, the Unicorns are too shy to speak, or eat. Jessica saves the day by thinking about what her brother likes - food and basketball. Seeing as they’re already eating, Jessica talks basketball. And does it well, because she’s on the basketball team, something I hadn’t even realised until she mentioned it. It certainly doesn’t get as much attention as the Unicorns and Boosters. Aaron asks her to a Lakers game - Jessica says yes. Once the BOYS leave, everyone is totally jealous of Jessica going out on a date. She thinks she’s the first sixth-grader to go on a date (the informal bowling party didn’t count).
Now the boys have left, Jessica retrieves her chocolate cake.
Elizabeth meets Mr Bowman after school He’s nominated her for the junior journalist column in the Sweet Valley Tribune. Her topic is ‘Students Who Make A Difference’
Elizabeth and Jessica run to tell each other the news. Lila is well jealous of Jessica’s date. Jessica can’t read the headline of the newspaper Elizabeth is carrying, and couldn’t recognise Aaron Dallas from across a crowded room earlier in the day.
Jessica tells her parents about the date. They’re actually responsible, and think it’s ok because Aaron’s parents will be there. She tries to do her homework, but gets a headache, so she decides to plan her clothes for her date. And the conversation.
Jessica nearly makes Elizabeth late for school because she spends so long planning her outfit in the bathroom. She doesn’t listen in maths because she’s thinking about Aaron. Mrs Wyler asks her to solve a problem on the board - she gets it completely wrong because she mistakes a minus sign for a plus sign. Ok, I know Jessica’s supposed to need glasses, but she’s getting totally mixed symptoms. She can’t read a headline in front of her. She can’t recognise someone from far off. She turns one sign on a chalkboard into another. What kind of freaky eye problem does she have? Also, Jessica’s class is doing subtraction? How remedial is this girl?
Although Jessica’s friends are sick of hearing about it, Mandy Miller considers Jessica and Aaron to be “the hottest couple since Romeo and Juliet”. It is unclear if she’s joking.
Mr Bowman’s class. There’s a pop quiz on the homework Jessica didn’t finish. Mr Bowman keeps Jessica behind after class and says… Jessica might need glasses!
Jessica is appalled - “Glasses are for nerds like Randy Mason and Lois Waller! Unicorns don’t wear glasses!” She promises to mention it to her parents. Mr Bowman, not being a total fool, gives her a note for them. She continues with her geeks wear glasses spiel, when Mr Bowman puts on his glasses. He’s all “I’m not a geek!” Mr Bowman is wearing a polka dot bow tie and a plaid shirt.
At home, Jessica considers hiding the envelope. Burn it, Jessica! It’s the only way that works! She settles on underneath her mattress. Of course, Elizabeth chooses this moment to walk in. The truth comes out! Elizabeth tells her to go to the damn eye doctor. To cheer Jessica up, Elizabeth suggests a bike ride. Jessica suggests going along Myrtle Avenue, which just happens to be where Aaron lives. Jessica looked it up in the phone book last night. That’s my little stalker!
They cycle. Elizabeth counts off the house numbers until they get to Aaron’s house - Jessica can’t see the numbers until she gets really close. A piece of paper flies in front of her - but that’s not paper! That’s …a white cat. Jessica flies through the air and lands in Aaron’s garden! Being a seasoned stalker, she realizes it’s a little fishy to be found lying in your crush’s garden. Aaron has seen everything, and congratulates her on an excellent somersault. He actually asks her into his house for a drink and touches her shoulder, but Elizabeth decides they need to be moving along. Way to cock block, Liz. In Sweet Valley that’s practically second base.
Mr Bowman checks to make sure Jessica gave her parents the note - by calling them! She’s going to the eye doctor. Jessica cries, yells “You just don’t understand” and runs to her room, slamming the door behind her. She actually does this. Elizabeth tries to consol her. Jess is worried about Aaron’s reaction. Elizabeth is all if he really cares he won’t mind, true love waits, don’t have sex until you marry a criminal at university etc. Jessica really likes Aaron. I feel a little bad for her. She resolves to solve her eye problem herself - by eating loads of carrots and doing some exercise which involves following a pencil, which will no doubt give her eyestrain. She’s going to fix it over the weekend.
Jessica moves carrot sticks slowly backwards and forwards in front of her eyes, occasionally eating them, for the entire weekend.
Monday afternoon - Jessica and, for some reason, Elizabeth, are both going to the eye doctor. Maybe it’s like their periods - they’re twins, so it has to happen at the same time!
Jessica sees Dr Cruz. She tries to convince him that her eyesight is fine, pointing out the picture of his dog on his desk. It’s his grandson. Yeah, I laughed at that. Dr Cruz says she’ll need glasses for only a couple of months - her eyes have trouble focusing together, but can do so separately. I have no idea how realistic this is. Elizabeth does not need glasses.
Jessica goes to the mall to buy glasses. Elizabeth stands guard to check for kids from school. The shop assistant is a redhead with large red glasses, which means she looks like the secretary from Ghostbusters. Inevitably, Jessica gets a purple pair.
The twins shop whilst they wait for the glasses. Jessica buys some purple outfit that Lila wanted last week. You know, purple is a difficult colour to find in shops. What would the Unicorns do if it were to go out of fashion?
Jessica prepares for her first day of school wearing glasses. Her dad is cutely supportive. He even makes Steven shut up. Jessica does not wear her glasses outside the house. But she does acknowledge Mandy Miller, who is wearing bright yellow suspenders. Oh, Mandy. But not after Lila appears.
Day 2. Jessica is only wearing her glasses around her parents. The parents suggest going to see a new film that Elizabeth wants to see - Tale of Love II. Really? I hear Action Movie is far superior. Jessica worries that someone from school will see her. Gee, I sure hope not! Jessica settles down to see the movie, which is something she’s forward to
She’d been on the edge of her seat for most of Tale of Love, anxious to see if the stars would end up together. She hoped this sequel would be just as exciting and romantic.
See? But if Jessica can’t predict the end of Tale of Love, perhaps the problem lies further back than her eyes. Having said that, someone dies at the end of Love Story OMGSPOILER!
Bizarrely, the family have managed to get Steven, a fourteen-year-old boy, to watch a film, in public, called Tale of Love II. They must have told him they were going to see Action Movie. Just as Jessica is settling down, somebody recognises her - Lila! Jessica drags Lila out of the cinema to explain. Lila does the predictable is it Halloween joke. Jessica does the slightly less predictable I was trying on my mom’s glasses defence. Jessica crumbles like a stale biscuit. She bargains using the purple Kendalls outfit. Lila promises to keep the secret. Whatever. Lila’s a total frenemy.
Unsurprisingly, the next day Lila takes the outfit and makes Jessica into her personal slave.
Jumping ahead to the Skate-A-Thon, Aaron asks Jessica to skate. It’s ridiculously cute. I’m sorry - I’m incapable of mocking most of the romance in Sweet Valley Twins. It’s all so devoid of man-stealing and fake rape attempts and seems so cutely awkward. But! Her parents are there, and she’s not wearing her glasses! So instead of being told off for not wearing her glasses - which she could legitimately argue she was worried about breaking if she fell over - she knocks over Fat Lois Waller, who of course wears glasses because as Jessica told us earlier, glasses are for NERDS, and steals her glasses. She claims to Aaron (who apparently ain’t too bright) that she has saved Lois’s glasses, rather than stolen them, and puts them on to see what things look like as she passes her parents. Then she gets Aaron to give them back to Lois. Jeez. She basically mugged Lois. But her dad figures it out anyway.
Jessica decides to stay in her room for the rest of her life. The family try to convince her otherwise. Jessica refuses to be convinced, and isn’t even going to go out with Aaron. Elizabeth’s plan is to imply she likes Aaron, and ask to go to the Lakers game in Jessica’s place. Jessica agrees, and adds that maybe Steven would like the ticket. Her second plan is to call Amy and talk about how much she likes Aaron, thinking that will get Jessica out. That doesn’t work either. Actually, Jessica knew what she was doing and was pretending to be asleep. She imagines her life as a nerd - resigning from the Boosters and Unicorns, wearing unfashionable clothing and studying a lot. She’s Elizabeth, basically. She falls asleep and has a terrible dream which ends with the Unicorns chanting “Nerd Nerd Nerd”. Seems quite realistic.
Elizabeth walks in wearing glasses, and looks quite good. So does Jessica look good in them? No, because they fit with Elizabeth’s look.
Eventually things move into the inevitable Sweet Valley plot, and Elizabeth takes Jessica’s place. Hopefully she knows enough about basketball. Aaron picks up Elizabeth, and he likes her glasses! Who’d have thought Jessica was worried about nothing? The twins switch back to their rightful places. The date goes well.
B Plot
Elizabeth’s article has to be on Students Who Make A Difference. Janet Howell decides the Unicorns have to be involved in this so they’ll get publicity. Janet adds that it’ll be a good way to make up for the time they created their own newspaper. Yes, that was a tedious debacle. Belinda decides to make a list of things they could do: “For several minutes no one said a word.” They decide to raise money for something. Possibilities include boosters uniforms, a tv for the cafeteria, curling irons for the girls’ locker rooms. They decide to buy a new set of encyclopaedias because the old ones have turned mildewy because the library roof leaks. Or maybe they could get the library roof fixed. Just a thought.
The Unicorns meet to discuss their good deed. Jessica denies Ellen carrots. Janet “Stalin” Howell suggests a walk-a-thon. Jessica suggests a skate-a-thon, and although the rink is closed for repairs, the power of the Unicorns will get it reopened for their fundraiser.
Elizabeth sees the posters for the Skate-a-thon. Mandy put them up, as a favour to Jessica. Because she’s a moron.
Skate a thon night. Jessica is waiting for Elizabeth - Amy arrives. There is a pointless exchange where Jessica tells Amy Liz is still upstairs and Elizabeth announces she isn’t.
They bike to the skate-a-thon. But disaster! When the owner re-opened the rink a day early, the Unicorns assumed skates would be included. But they aren’t. Because they are being cleaned. Whatever. Anyway, everyone’s just going to pretend they have skates:
Lila and Ellen began to pretend they were skating. Gliding forward on one foot, then the other, they swung their arms by their sides in a solemn pantomime. “Look! I can skate backward!” Ellen turned around and began to move backward.
Well, if that’s what this night is going to be, it’s an excellent time for Jessica to wear her glasses. Everyone will be too busy crying with laughter to notice. Then they enter the rink and it was a joke. Who knew the Unicorns had a sense of humour?
Elizabeth’s article is published. It is great. The Unicorns use the left-over money to buy a full-length mirror for the girl’s bathroom. Also, Jessica doesn’t mind that Lila took her outfit, for some reason.
Also, Mandy Miller is a nerd. In case you weren’t aware. But is Mandy special enough to be a Unicorn? Yes. Yes she is. But only in their Affirmative Action programme, where people who are poor dressers are let in if they are quite funny.