Sweet Valley Kids #15: Fearless Elizabeth
I can't find an image of it but Elizabeth is on the cover of this book with a soccer/football ball. I'd like to point out how many sports Elizabeth and Jessica seem to play for one book and then never do again. There was a softball team in SVT and cross country running in SVJK and volleyball in Team Sweet Valley. I mean, if Liz was a good soccer player how come she didn't have more in common with Jeffrey French?
Also, I'd like to further point out that Liz's top is tucked into her gym shorts. That's just... not a good look on anyone. I think that deserves a penalty of some sort.
The back of the book tells me that Liz is goalie and she got hit with a ball and now she's afraid of being goalie. Dear Lord, please let Liz get hit in the head/face/anywhere really during the course of the book. I swear I won't ask for anything else for Christmas. Amen.
Elizabeth and Jessica are twins but they like different things! Did you know?! Jessica wants to play jump rope at recess but Liz doesn't. She wants to play soccer with the boys. (So that's what the kids are calling it these days.) So does Eva.
Did you guys know Eva is from Jamaica? We're told that she learned to play there. You'd think that just saying she was from Jamaica would be enough to deduce she learned it there, but the ghostwriter clearly thinks we're dumb. Either that or she thinks there's some kind of "Jamaican rules soccer" where you wear dreadlocks and play bongos while starting a bobsled team or something.
Todd mocks Liz. He says, "Anyone can show up. It's just that you won't make the first team. Most boys play better than girls." Okay, Todd, now we know why Liz never put out for you.
The boys are surprised that girls are allowed to sign up for soccer. When was Boys Against Girls written? Can Francine Pascal plagiarise herself? Inquiring minds want to know.
After school (isn't it funny how we never actually see the girls in school? They're always at lunch or recess but never in class...), the girls go to "modern dance class." There is a ballet recital next week--the same day as the soccer tryouts. Liz wants to go and watch the ballet, because she intends to take ballet in a few years. (OMG. Was that continuity? No, can't be. Must've been a mistake.) The girls are all, "Ew! Soccer is dirty! Let's go see the pretty dancing! This is not stereotypical at all!"
There's an illustration of the girls at dance class and Lila has spandex suspenders on her leotard. This is just... blowing my mind. We're also told that Liz calls Lila "Miss Bossy Fowler" behind her back. Wow, Liz that's a lame insult even for a second-grader. I bet Lila would say, "Yep, You bet. I am the Boss." (Suck it, Tony Danza.)
Liz and Eva practice their "soccer kicks" over the weekend. Eva has "real" cleats that used to belong to her cousin from England. We're told that people in England play soccer "all the time." Actually, I think they call it football but, in general, yeah they play it all the time. The average English person does nothing but play soccer and drink tea. Soccer. Tea. Soccer. Tea. Maybe a break for being a werewolf or something, but that's really about it.
Anyway, Steven coaches the two girls at soccer. A) I thought Eva already knew how to play? B) Doesn't Steven having to teach them defeat this whole "girl power" theme they had going? Girls can be good at sports too, if boys would only explain the complicated rules to them! Bleh. It's second-grade soccer, you guys. All you need to know is "kick the ball into the net; don't stop to wave at your parents."
We're told that a ball hit Liz in the face and gave her a bloody nose once when she was little. I really wish that happened "on camera." Really, really. In fact, I'd like a whole montage of Liz getting hit in the face. Or, like, Liz should be like the Justin Long (Ima Mac!) character in Dodgeball and just always get hit with stuff.
Liz is afraid of being goalie. She says she won't try out for that position. Steven says they make you try out for everything which seems... wrong? And... kind of mean?
There's a whole chapter where Jessica is co-dependent and doesn't know what to do with herself while Liz is playing soccer. Oh, come on, Jessica. Everyone knows when Liz isn't around you're supposed to to dance through the house singing "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead." Geez.
At lunch the next day, the boys taunt the girls about playing soccer some more. They call them crybabies and say they aren't any good. Jessica and Lila stick up for Liz and basically tell them to suck it. Hah, you know you've stepped over the line with your mocking when Lila sides with Liz.
After school, Jessica offers to help Liz practice because she knows her sister is worried. She is still afraid of getting dirty but she says she'll just take a bath afterward. I kind of love it when Jessica is the good sister. I can't help but saying "Awww."
Liz goes over to Eva's house to practice with her dad. There's a funny picture of Liz, Eva and her Dad in which the artist tried to draw an African-American man with a flat top type hairdo but he looks more like Frankenstein than anything else. I hope you're all familiar with the expression, "That's not a forehead; that's a five-head."
On the big day, Ned takes Jessica to the recital while Alice and Steven accompany Liz to the try-outs. At the field, it's pretty standard St. Elizabeth stuff. She and Eva run faster than the boys when they have to do laps; and Liz kicks the ball better than Todd at some drill. I bet you're all shocked that she does something well in the books. That never happens!
Jessica and Ned finish watching the recital and then Jess makes Ned drive her to the field so she can see the tail-end of Liz's try-out. She gets there just in time to cheer for Liz as she scores a goal. In my head, it goes like this:
But then-dun dun dun!--the coach makes Liz be the goalie. Jessica gets nervous for her sister. I am just on the edge of my seat wondering what might happen, aren't you? Eva has already been in the goalie position and kept Todd from scoring (which is usually Liz's job!) so when Liz says she wants to be fearless like Eva, I totally fall off my seat laughing.
Of course, Todd gets the ball again and he tries to score on Liz. Liz is all, "ARE YOU SOME BRITISH DUDE NAMED MAX? DIDN'T THINK SO." And keeps him from penetrating. Added to the hilarity is an illustration of this event. Todd is just standing in front of Liz with his hands on his hips and he is wearing the ugliest gym shorts ever. I think they're supposed to be plaid but it just looks wrong. Liz is grabbing the ball with a look like, "Dude, what is up with those pants? No wonder I never give it up to you."
Eva, Liz, Todd and Ken are all picked for the team, along with some other names I can't identify. Jessica says she'll come watch Liz play but damnit, she still hates soccer. I love Jessica.
Then there is a little bit of lead-up for the next book JESSICA THE TV STAR (which I also have and will recap next!).
The end.
Also, I'd like to further point out that Liz's top is tucked into her gym shorts. That's just... not a good look on anyone. I think that deserves a penalty of some sort.
The back of the book tells me that Liz is goalie and she got hit with a ball and now she's afraid of being goalie. Dear Lord, please let Liz get hit in the head/face/anywhere really during the course of the book. I swear I won't ask for anything else for Christmas. Amen.
Elizabeth and Jessica are twins but they like different things! Did you know?! Jessica wants to play jump rope at recess but Liz doesn't. She wants to play soccer with the boys. (So that's what the kids are calling it these days.) So does Eva.
Did you guys know Eva is from Jamaica? We're told that she learned to play there. You'd think that just saying she was from Jamaica would be enough to deduce she learned it there, but the ghostwriter clearly thinks we're dumb. Either that or she thinks there's some kind of "Jamaican rules soccer" where you wear dreadlocks and play bongos while starting a bobsled team or something.
Todd mocks Liz. He says, "Anyone can show up. It's just that you won't make the first team. Most boys play better than girls." Okay, Todd, now we know why Liz never put out for you.
The boys are surprised that girls are allowed to sign up for soccer. When was Boys Against Girls written? Can Francine Pascal plagiarise herself? Inquiring minds want to know.
After school (isn't it funny how we never actually see the girls in school? They're always at lunch or recess but never in class...), the girls go to "modern dance class." There is a ballet recital next week--the same day as the soccer tryouts. Liz wants to go and watch the ballet, because she intends to take ballet in a few years. (OMG. Was that continuity? No, can't be. Must've been a mistake.) The girls are all, "Ew! Soccer is dirty! Let's go see the pretty dancing! This is not stereotypical at all!"
There's an illustration of the girls at dance class and Lila has spandex suspenders on her leotard. This is just... blowing my mind. We're also told that Liz calls Lila "Miss Bossy Fowler" behind her back. Wow, Liz that's a lame insult even for a second-grader. I bet Lila would say, "Yep, You bet. I am the Boss." (Suck it, Tony Danza.)
Liz and Eva practice their "soccer kicks" over the weekend. Eva has "real" cleats that used to belong to her cousin from England. We're told that people in England play soccer "all the time." Actually, I think they call it football but, in general, yeah they play it all the time. The average English person does nothing but play soccer and drink tea. Soccer. Tea. Soccer. Tea. Maybe a break for being a werewolf or something, but that's really about it.
Anyway, Steven coaches the two girls at soccer. A) I thought Eva already knew how to play? B) Doesn't Steven having to teach them defeat this whole "girl power" theme they had going? Girls can be good at sports too, if boys would only explain the complicated rules to them! Bleh. It's second-grade soccer, you guys. All you need to know is "kick the ball into the net; don't stop to wave at your parents."
We're told that a ball hit Liz in the face and gave her a bloody nose once when she was little. I really wish that happened "on camera." Really, really. In fact, I'd like a whole montage of Liz getting hit in the face. Or, like, Liz should be like the Justin Long (Ima Mac!) character in Dodgeball and just always get hit with stuff.
Click to viewLiz is afraid of being goalie. She says she won't try out for that position. Steven says they make you try out for everything which seems... wrong? And... kind of mean?
There's a whole chapter where Jessica is co-dependent and doesn't know what to do with herself while Liz is playing soccer. Oh, come on, Jessica. Everyone knows when Liz isn't around you're supposed to to dance through the house singing "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead." Geez.
At lunch the next day, the boys taunt the girls about playing soccer some more. They call them crybabies and say they aren't any good. Jessica and Lila stick up for Liz and basically tell them to suck it. Hah, you know you've stepped over the line with your mocking when Lila sides with Liz.
After school, Jessica offers to help Liz practice because she knows her sister is worried. She is still afraid of getting dirty but she says she'll just take a bath afterward. I kind of love it when Jessica is the good sister. I can't help but saying "Awww."
Liz goes over to Eva's house to practice with her dad. There's a funny picture of Liz, Eva and her Dad in which the artist tried to draw an African-American man with a flat top type hairdo but he looks more like Frankenstein than anything else. I hope you're all familiar with the expression, "That's not a forehead; that's a five-head."
On the big day, Ned takes Jessica to the recital while Alice and Steven accompany Liz to the try-outs. At the field, it's pretty standard St. Elizabeth stuff. She and Eva run faster than the boys when they have to do laps; and Liz kicks the ball better than Todd at some drill. I bet you're all shocked that she does something well in the books. That never happens!
Jessica and Ned finish watching the recital and then Jess makes Ned drive her to the field so she can see the tail-end of Liz's try-out. She gets there just in time to cheer for Liz as she scores a goal. In my head, it goes like this:
But then-dun dun dun!--the coach makes Liz be the goalie. Jessica gets nervous for her sister. I am just on the edge of my seat wondering what might happen, aren't you? Eva has already been in the goalie position and kept Todd from scoring (which is usually Liz's job!) so when Liz says she wants to be fearless like Eva, I totally fall off my seat laughing.
Of course, Todd gets the ball again and he tries to score on Liz. Liz is all, "ARE YOU SOME BRITISH DUDE NAMED MAX? DIDN'T THINK SO." And keeps him from penetrating. Added to the hilarity is an illustration of this event. Todd is just standing in front of Liz with his hands on his hips and he is wearing the ugliest gym shorts ever. I think they're supposed to be plaid but it just looks wrong. Liz is grabbing the ball with a look like, "Dude, what is up with those pants? No wonder I never give it up to you."
Eva, Liz, Todd and Ken are all picked for the team, along with some other names I can't identify. Jessica says she'll come watch Liz play but damnit, she still hates soccer. I love Jessica.
Then there is a little bit of lead-up for the next book JESSICA THE TV STAR (which I also have and will recap next!).
The end.