SVH 43: Hard Choices: The B Plot
Since the Since the A plot has been done, and done very well, I've decided to do a recap of only the B plot, because... well, just because.
Jackson Croft (Susan Stewart's dad) is sponsoring a showcase for student documentaries, and creative genius Liz decides to make one. But she can’t decide on a subject, because she’s so imaginative and stuff
In chapter three, Liz goes to the beach and finally decides to make a documentary extolling the wonders of Sweet Valley. Her moment of inspiration is described in this utterly priceless line:
That was one of the things she appreciated the most about living in Sweet Valley; it might be predictable, but she loved the warmth and cozy familiarity of it.
Which pretty much sums up why I read these books in the first place.
There is a short description of Jeffrey’s lean, muscular body. God, I miss being single. You know you’re in trouble when Sweet Valley books start giving you ideas.
Liz announces that Jeffrey will film it, because he’s such a good photographer. Jeffrey doormats. Liz will write the script, of course, and Jessica will be the narrator and STAR.
Back in the Batcave Spanish-tiled kitchen, Liz talks to her mom. (Hey, did you know Alice Wakefield looks like she could be the twins’ older sister? Bet you didn’t know that.) Then Liz calls Enid, and tells her about the film, which will be titled “This is Sweet Valley.” ‘Cause Liz is so original and stuff. Liz tells Enid she wants her to be the gopher help out with everything. Enid doormats.
They have an incredibly awkward planning meeting at Enid’s house, awkward because of the presence of Enid’s grandmother, whom you know about from the A plot. Afterwards, Jessica correctly pegs Enid’s grandma as a pain in the ass. Liz is shocked, SHOCKED, that Jess would say such a thing.
The project gets underway. They borrow a video camera from Lila. Liz reminds Jeffrey to always shoot Jessica’s good side. Jeffrey suggests they just shoot Jessica. I fucking love Jeffrey.
They start filming, and as Jessica is walking down the street doing her narration bit, Winston Egbert appears and follows her around with a fake arrow through his head. Ha-HA, it’s FUNNEH! Quick, somebody bring me a knee to slap.
Jessica blows her top at Winston, then orders Jeffrey to erase the tape. He pretends to do so. Heh.
Okay, I know I said I wasn’t going to do the A plot, but I have to mention something here because it’s hilarious. Enid’s grandmother says that she does not approve of Enid’s friends. “Especially that Liz. She seems very bossy to me, ordering everyone around.”
YEAH. You tell ‘em, Grandma. Then we get this:
“She’s not like that at all!” Enid protested in surprise. Elizabeth Wakefield was the last person Enid would ever consider bossy.
HA HA HA! Oh Enid, you kill me.
The crew resumes shooting, at the beach this time. It is mentioned that there used to be an artist colony located on the beach at Sweet Valley, but we never find out what happened to them. Probably got kicked out, damn dirty hippies. Prince Albert the dog goes swimming and then jumps on Jessica, getting her dress wet. Jeffrey films it all, of course.
They go to the TV station that begins with a W to interview Jeremy Frank and run into Richard, Enid’s mom’s boyfriend. He says they can use the station’s editing equipment because it takes the same size tape as the camera they're using. Uh, no, I don’t think so. Unless Lila had a super-professional camera that uses 1" broadcast videotape, or the TV station is so lame it uses VHS. But never mind, when you’re grinding out a book a day there’s no time for research.
Anyway, they edit the thing, and of course they leave in all the goofy footage Jessica wanted them to erase. Haha. No, somehow it’s never funny when it’s supposed to be. At the screening, the audience responds with screams of laughter and thunderous applause. Man, the Sweet Valley crowd is easily entertained. They probably have orgasms watching paint dry.
So that was the B plot. Now for something completely different.
I want to thank this whole community for getting me started writing again, after having given it up for about two decades. Over the past year, I’ve completed a screenplay, which makes me exactly the same as the other one hundred thirty-seven million other idiots running around L.A. with screenplays. But it’s going to be an indie film, so instead of trying to get producers to read it, I’m just trying to get a bunch of suckers artists to work on it for free.
Jackson Croft (Susan Stewart's dad) is sponsoring a showcase for student documentaries, and creative genius Liz decides to make one. But she can’t decide on a subject, because she’s so imaginative and stuff
In chapter three, Liz goes to the beach and finally decides to make a documentary extolling the wonders of Sweet Valley. Her moment of inspiration is described in this utterly priceless line:
That was one of the things she appreciated the most about living in Sweet Valley; it might be predictable, but she loved the warmth and cozy familiarity of it.
Which pretty much sums up why I read these books in the first place.
There is a short description of Jeffrey’s lean, muscular body. God, I miss being single. You know you’re in trouble when Sweet Valley books start giving you ideas.
Liz announces that Jeffrey will film it, because he’s such a good photographer. Jeffrey doormats. Liz will write the script, of course, and Jessica will be the narrator and STAR.
Back in the Batcave Spanish-tiled kitchen, Liz talks to her mom. (Hey, did you know Alice Wakefield looks like she could be the twins’ older sister? Bet you didn’t know that.) Then Liz calls Enid, and tells her about the film, which will be titled “This is Sweet Valley.” ‘Cause Liz is so original and stuff. Liz tells Enid she wants her to be the gopher help out with everything. Enid doormats.
They have an incredibly awkward planning meeting at Enid’s house, awkward because of the presence of Enid’s grandmother, whom you know about from the A plot. Afterwards, Jessica correctly pegs Enid’s grandma as a pain in the ass. Liz is shocked, SHOCKED, that Jess would say such a thing.
The project gets underway. They borrow a video camera from Lila. Liz reminds Jeffrey to always shoot Jessica’s good side. Jeffrey suggests they just shoot Jessica. I fucking love Jeffrey.
They start filming, and as Jessica is walking down the street doing her narration bit, Winston Egbert appears and follows her around with a fake arrow through his head. Ha-HA, it’s FUNNEH! Quick, somebody bring me a knee to slap.
Jessica blows her top at Winston, then orders Jeffrey to erase the tape. He pretends to do so. Heh.
Okay, I know I said I wasn’t going to do the A plot, but I have to mention something here because it’s hilarious. Enid’s grandmother says that she does not approve of Enid’s friends. “Especially that Liz. She seems very bossy to me, ordering everyone around.”
YEAH. You tell ‘em, Grandma. Then we get this:
“She’s not like that at all!” Enid protested in surprise. Elizabeth Wakefield was the last person Enid would ever consider bossy.
HA HA HA! Oh Enid, you kill me.
The crew resumes shooting, at the beach this time. It is mentioned that there used to be an artist colony located on the beach at Sweet Valley, but we never find out what happened to them. Probably got kicked out, damn dirty hippies. Prince Albert the dog goes swimming and then jumps on Jessica, getting her dress wet. Jeffrey films it all, of course.
They go to the TV station that begins with a W to interview Jeremy Frank and run into Richard, Enid’s mom’s boyfriend. He says they can use the station’s editing equipment because it takes the same size tape as the camera they're using. Uh, no, I don’t think so. Unless Lila had a super-professional camera that uses 1" broadcast videotape, or the TV station is so lame it uses VHS. But never mind, when you’re grinding out a book a day there’s no time for research.
Anyway, they edit the thing, and of course they leave in all the goofy footage Jessica wanted them to erase. Haha. No, somehow it’s never funny when it’s supposed to be. At the screening, the audience responds with screams of laughter and thunderous applause. Man, the Sweet Valley crowd is easily entertained. They probably have orgasms watching paint dry.
So that was the B plot. Now for something completely different.
I want to thank this whole community for getting me started writing again, after having given it up for about two decades. Over the past year, I’ve completed a screenplay, which makes me exactly the same as the other one hundred thirty-seven million other idiots running around L.A. with screenplays. But it’s going to be an indie film, so instead of trying to get producers to read it, I’m just trying to get a bunch of suckers artists to work on it for free.