SVH Thriller: Murder on the Line
It’s summer in Sweet Valley yet again! This summer happens after junior year, while Liz is together with Todd but after Todd has moved to and from Vermont, and Jess is single. Todd is camping. Is it just me or does Todd go camping more than the average Sweet Valley resident? Which is odd, because in other books, Todd appears to have no outdoor skills whatsoever. However, those camping trips happen over spring breaks and regular days in junior year but are still yet to come in the series, which seem to make them take place later, but they actually take place earlier, although the events haven’t happened yet. Did that make sense to you? Good, me neither.
Jessica and Liz both have internships at the Sweet Valley News. Jess has the internship because her parents made her get one there or look for babysitting jobs; the only reason she doesn’t quit is the handsome, blue-eyed Bill Anderson, her boss. Liz assists Seth, who’s a reporter there, and she’s basically a star reporter in training.
I give the editor of this book an F, as on the first page, the twins are heading home from work on a Friday, and on page 4, we discover they were apparently driving TO work, not from it, and apparently not on a Friday. Then again, timelines? Not Sweet Valley’s strongest point.
Sweet Valley is undergoing expansion. Lila’s dad is building a skyscraper nearby, and the phone lines for a few buildings have been crossed. It’s making everyone go crazy, since they keep getting wrong phone calls.
Liz is working on a fascinating story about the parking problem in Sweet Valley with Seth. Jess sits in her own office, talking on the phone all day. She’s bored at first, but then Jess discovers that her phone picks up other people’s private phone conversations within the building without them knowing she’s on the line. A rundown of what Jess overhears:
--Maggie is unhappy with her husband, Frank, who’s twice her age but rich and buys her condos and jewelry, and she is having an affair with a man named Craig. Should she leave Frank?
--Junior is getting yelled at by his mother, and he’s a total pushover
--A woman is placing an order with the Home Shoppers Club for six poodle cardigans and some fake pearl necklaces
At lunch, Jess tells Liz about her ability to listen in on phone conversations, and Liz says that Jess shouldn’t involve herself in other people’s private business. Really, Liz? This must be one of those “do as I say, not as I do” moments.
After lunch, Jessica overhears a coded phone call between a man calling himself Greenback and a woman calling herself Coyote. She can’t figure out what it means; they’re talking about a delivery.
The next morning, it’s Wednesday. I told you I don’t know about this timeline… Jessica overhears a phone call with Greenback telling a man named Rock to “take care of her” and that “if they don’t find her body floating soon, they’ll find yours.” Jessica thinks that someone’s plotting a murder.
After both these phone calls, Bill strides into Jessica’s office. Jess worries he’ll think that she does nothing but talk on the phone.
Liz tells Jess that they’re probably talking about a delivery service. That’s our investigative reporter! Seth takes the twins out to an expensive lunch. They wonder how he can afford it on a reporter’s salary. Jess runs out of lunch early to accidentally-on-purpose run into a hot blond who works in the next building; she nicknames him Mr. Gorgeous. He ignores her. (He must not know she’s a Wakefield). However, Jess notices that Mr. Gorgeous’ office window is across the street from hers.
Back to the phone. Jess overhears more conversations, then hears Rock telling Greenback that “it’s done.” Lila calls and invites Jess to skip out on work and go to the beach. Since Jess has already put in a good few hours of eavesdropping, she agrees.
At the beach, Jess is pissed that Lila brought her an old bikini to wear, then the two get to guy-watching. Suddenly, there’s a blood curdling scream! A girl’s body has washed up on shore! Jessica faints.
At the office, Seth tells Liz that he’s going to investigate this murder story, and Liz (of course) gets to tag along with him. A huge press conference is held because “a violent murder had taken place, right there in the Sweet Valley area. This kind of story was rare.”
Um. Really? Maybe it’s just rare because the victim wasn’t dating Jessica.
Jessica is now 137% convinced that she overheard the murder plans. She goes to the police station and is directed to some guy named Detective Jason.
Note to self: Never trust a police officer who doesn’t have a last name.
Jess tells Detective Jason about the phone calls and he asks who she’s told, then says she should tell him absolutely everything but shouldn’t tell anyone else about anything. Jessica promises… but mentally notes that she will, of course, tell Liz and Steven. He takes all of her contact information down.
When Jess gets home, Liz and Steven are by the pool. Steven mentions that there were a lot of hang up calls while Jess was gone. Does Jess not realize that this happened right after she’s gone to the police?
At work, Jess now thinks she’s being followed and, while running away from one guy, she crashes into Mr. Gorgeous. He’s rude again and leaves. When she gets to her office, however, she spies him from the window and holds up a sign on which she’s written her name and number for him to call. Which he does. He asks her out.
Detective Jason calls Jess at work, and she tells him that no phone calls have been made but that she thinks she’s being tailed.
Jess and Mr. Gorgeous go out to dinner. She guesses that he’s about 25. Oddly enough, this does not disturb her. Why am I surprised? They chat, with him asking a lot of questions about her job. He’s an accountant; she is bored.
The next day (Tuesday, in case anyone’s trying to keep track), the murder victim is identified as a runaway named Tracy Fox. Seth says that he’s going to call Tracy’s parents for information about her past in order to write a better story; he tells Liz to go to the police station for information there. Liz tells Seth that he should go to the station and that she will make the call to, as she puts it, “make part of this story my own.” And Seth agrees!!!
Hold up a minute here. What newspaper lets a sixteen year old intern place a call to a murder victim’s parents???? Especially for a front-page story!!! If I were the parents, I’d hang up - if I picked up in the first place. Talk about not respecting the family enough to even have a real staff member call!
But the parents are all too happy to talk with Liz and share Tracy’s life story with her. Apparently, Tracy had gotten involved with drugs and ran away. Liz cries. Seth returns from the police station and tells Liz that they’d found cocaine on Tracy. Jessica realizes that the delivery calls must have been about cocaine. There is a short interlude about how Regina got mixed up in drugs; Bruce is not mentioned.
DRUGS ARE BAD.
Liz sees a photo of Tracy and thinks she looks familiar but doesn’t know why. More hang up calls come to the house.
Wednesday (finally, some continuity!!). Bill says the receptionist has quit and so he puts Jess in charge of her phone duties, since he knows how much she likes being on the phone. He unplugs her old line so she can’t answer those calls even if she wanted to. Answering the phone keeps Jess busy in the morning, but then there’s a lull and Jess figures out that she can call her old extension and still listen in on calls!
On one of these calls, Jess overhears Greenback talking about another delivery. She decides to put a cassette (Squee!! Cassettes!!) in to record the conversations for the police. Rock tells Greenback that “they’re on to us” and that they have a buddy at the police station. There’s also apparently an undercover cop that is supposedly closing in on the operation. Greenback tells Rock not to worry about the “nosy girl” because he “guarantees” that “she’s not spying today.”
Gee, I wonder who could guarantee this. And, a bad guy infiltrated the Sweet Valley police? No!
Right after Greenback’s and Rock’s calls, Detective Jason calls and asks Jessica if she’s discovered anything new. Jessica decides that he “may” be the bad cop referenced (no!) and says she hasn’t heard anything because she’s on a different line. Detective Jason does not sound surprised.
Mr. Gorgeous tries to stop Jess on her way out of the building; she races away, thinking he might be a bad guy.
Todd calls Liz at home. Liz cries when she hears his voice. Lame.
Following that snoozefest, the phone rings again and Liz picks up. A man’s voice says, “If I had my way, you’d be shark bait by now, Jessica Wakefield. From now on, you’d better keep your mouth, eyes, and ears shut, or I’ll shut ‘em for you.” Liz tells Jess; they’re both scared.
Following that, Detective Jason calls! Coincidence? Again? Jess does not tell him about anything.
Liz tells Jess that Seth just bought a condo. Jess starts to suspect Seth’s a drug dealer named Greenback.
Liz remembers where she’d seen Tracy and why she looked familiar: she’s been in their building! Apparently, she’d looked scared then. Jess and Liz look at the visitor’s log in the lobby to see who she’d visited. To distract the receptionist, Jessica screeches, “Omigod! I think I just saw Michael Jackson!”
The receptionist actually believes this. AND, when she returns from star-gazing, she claims she saw Michael Jackson too!
I guess it’s plausible. I mean, Michael Jackson and Mr. Collins would have a lot to talk about: Hot kids.
Anyway, back to the visitor’s log. Tracy had signed in to see Seth and was only there for ten minutes. Liz and Jess decide to return to the office late at night to snoop through Seth’s files to see if they can make a connection. They do so… and Bill is there late at night too. He hands Jess the cassette tape she’d made of Greenback’s call, saying he’d found it and assumed it was hers. Sketchy. The twins leave and they are followed on the way home.
Jess decides she needs to tell someone about Seth being Greenback but she can’t go to the police because they’ve been infiltrated. As if they were ever any help before. She decides that the one person she can trust with this to help her out is Bill. She barges into his office during the day and tells him the entire story. Jess also decides that Bill must be the undercover police officer. They agree to meet back at the office at 9 pm to tell the police together. Jess then turns down another date with Mr. Gorgeous.
Has anyone guessed who the undercover cop is? Or Greenback’s real identity? If you haven’t, please read the above paragraphs again. And if you still haven’t figured it out, you’re not alone: neither has Jess.
Liz decides to just ask Seth about where he’s getting his money and what his connection to Tracy Fox is. Seth is confused because he’s never met Tracy. He says a girl wanted to come in and talk to him about something but never showed up; they realize this must have been Tracy. Seth and Liz decide to meet at the Box Tree Café at 9 pm, where Seth will show Liz evidence to corroborate his hunch that someone at the newspaper had something to do with Tracy’s death.
At 9 pm, Jessica goes to meet Bill. He’s snorting cocaine at his desk. Jess does not automatically assume he’s Greenback, but she does realize that he’s not the undercover agent. She thinks that Bill is probably buying drugs from Seth. How stupid can one person be?!? What the hell does Jessica have against Seth???
Liz and Seth meet at the Box Tree Café. Seth has brought a stack of newspapers from various cities and years, all with front page stories about unsolved drug-related murders of teenage girls. Bill Anderson was in all the cities under different names! He’s the murderer!
Go Sweet Valley News for hiring someone with a “criminal record a mile long.” Are background checks not performed? Seth notes that Bill managed to skip town one step ahead of the law each time. I guess the law is unable to follow people on a murder charge once they leave town?
Liz and Seth realize that Jess is with Bill/Greenback right now! They race to the office.
Liz calls the Sweet Valley police station for help. You know this will be good. And indeed it is! Here is the conversation in full:
Liz: This is Elizabeth Wakefield and I need to report an emergency. Please send squad cars to the Western building right away. My sister is in there with Bill Anderson, the person responsible for the murder of Tracy Fox.
Officer: Whoa, whoa. What did you say? Bill Anderson? Isn’t he an editor at the Sweet Valley News?
Liz: Yes. But he’s also a criminal. I have evidence. My colleague Seth Miller has evidence for you. But first my sister needs help immediately. Her life is in danger.
Officer: Now what exactly leads you to believe her life is in danger? If Bill Anderson is so dangerous, what was she doing with him in the first place?
Liz: She works for him. The two of them arranged to meet, but Jessica didn’t realize at the time that he-
Officer: If they arranged to meet, then she must have a very different opinion of him than you do. We haven’t received a call from her this evening reporting any threat to her well-being.
Liz: That’s because he may have already hurt her. He may be holding her a prisoner.
Officer: Are you yourself at the Western building right now, Ms. Wakefield?
Liz: No.
Officer: Have you seen your sister and Mr. Anderson together this evening? Have you actually witnessed any improper behavior on his part, either this evening or any time in the past? Did she ask you to report an emergency on her behalf?
Liz: No, but-
Officer: Then I’m afraid there is no emergency.
Liz: But - who am I speaking to?
Officer: This is Detective Jason. And now, Ms. Wakefield, I think we should clear the line in case a real emergency call comes through.
Sweet Valley’s finest strikes again!
And - Liz still isn’t sure he’s the bad cop. Does that tell you something about Sweet Valley police or what? Is this a normal reaction or something?!?
Back at the office, Jess thinks that maybe Bill will hold her for ransom. This makes her happy because her parents will pay. Then she thinks of Tracy and realizes that’s not going to happen. Bill brings her to the roof. Jess realizes he’s Greenback. It’s about time!! Bill plans to frame Seth for Tracy’s and Jessica’s murders.
As Liz and Seth rush up to the office, Mr. Gorgeous comes out and reveals himself to be the undercover cop. My jaw did not drop at this revelation. He rushes inside. On the roof, a fight ensues between Bill and Mr. Gorgeous. Bill goes off the roof. Mr. Gorgeous calls the police station to make sure that Detective Jason doesn’t slip away.
Another shining example of why they’re Sweet Valley’s finest:
Liz: What will happen to the drug ring now that Bill Anderson is gone?
Mr. Gorgeous: The operation won’t be able to survive without him. He was its mastermind. We have a number of other leads that will enable us to arrest other dealers. Those who haven’t left the state already, that is, including the man who murdered Tracy, Kevin Stone.
Yes. Because that’s how drug rings operate. No one is waiting to take over! And they aren’t federal offenses, so you can’t prosecute across state lines!
Not!!
Anyway, check it out:
Bill = Greenback
Tracy Fox = Coyote
Kevin Stone = Rock
Unbreakable code. At least it is in Sweet Valley. Three pages later, Liz realizes this code. And she’s the smart one.
Seth reveals that he has money because he’s a mystery writer under the pen name Lester Ames. Hot.
Jess says nothing ever happens in Sweet Valley, and Liz calls it the “dullest town on earth.”
At the end of the book, Jess says she’s never going to eavesdrop again, and the phone lines are fixed, so it’s impossible anyway.
Time to restart junior year, y’all.