Sweet Valley High #51: Against the Odds
Sweet Valley High #51: Against the Odds
So, here’s the thing. My husband (HEE! We’ve been married seven months but I still can’t hear that without cracking up) is at poker for the next four hours or so. What’s a girl supposed to do?
Well, I guess she’s supposed to either go out clubbing or recap an SVH book. So there.
Check it: Ronnie, Enid’s formerly abusive boyfriend, looks appropriately young and snotty, but Jess looks like a Palm Beach trophy wife who’s 45 years old but will only admit to 39. For realz.
And, I just have to mention that the young lady who first owned this book wrote her name on the inside cover in STACEY McGILL handwriting. The a’s and the hearts and you know exactly what I mean, because we are all 24-30 years old. Young lady, I know who you are.
Just sayin’.
So, Jeffrey wins a soccer game for SVH. Everyone is like “Woo!” and makes a big deal of him at the Dairi Burger. Aaron is like “Have fun!” and Jeffrey is like “Whatever,” which is actually in keeping with his personality, but then Aaron is like, “Hero worship never hurt anyone,” and Jeffrey goes, “Look what it did to you!” And then the ghostwriter says, “Elizabeth smiled. She remembered a time when Jeffrey couldn’t have kidded around with Aaron, back when Aaron as angry about his parents’ divorce.” Oh! Burn! And everyone gets all quiet because Aaron was only a rageaholic because his dad beat him. Awkward, ghostwriter. God damn, I love Sweet Valley High. Those Gossip Girl bitches never would’ve been like “Oh, awkward issue, irresponsibly backing off now that I’ve explicitly mentioned it. Just pretending that never happened.”
So, while Jess saves a seat for Liz and Jeffrey, her earring falls off. When Enid makes a snotty comment about it all, “I’ve never seen earrings like that before,” Lila jumps in with, “That’s because Jessica makes them herself!” I love Lila. Apparently Jess is about to start marketing the earrings.
Ronnie Edwards, Enid’s toolish ex, comes up to the group all, “Whatever you want, it’s on me!” None of them want anything because they hate him. They’re especially weirded out by guys by the bar eyeing Ronnie’s cash. Jeffrey goes up to the bar to buy a round of sodas for the group. Jess starts talking about her jewelry designs. The thugs start being all, “Let’s beat Ronnie up in the parking lot,” so as soon as he leaves, they go to do that.
But, of course, St. Liz tells Jeff that Ronnie’s about to have his ass kicked, so Jeff goes outside and awesomely intercepts the whole thing. He just is himself: he doesn’t even need to get punchy. Which just goes to show you what I think of him, compared to stupid Todd. We do learn, though, that Ronnie has a bookie named Big Al, who is all into high school sports. Not at all pathetic. That’s where the big money is, of course.
Anyway, Jeffrey chases the thugs away with his awesome, and then leads Ronnie back into the Dairi Burger, all the while thinking about how much Ronnie sucks.
Liz and Ronnie have a whole passive-aggressive confrontation thing during lunch. He offers to give Jess $1,000 to make her earrings, which is not smart. And then he monopolizes Jeffrey away from Liz, which pisses her off. Jeffrey is like “Whatever, you’re boring” which makes me love him even more that I already do. He thinks Ronnie is lame, and doesn’t get why the guy is acting like they’re best friends, even though he only saved him from getting his ass kicked one time. Awesome!
So the chem teacher, Mr. Russo, menaces the soccer team about flunking a test, but then agrees to let them then take it at lunch the day of the big game instead of making then do it the last period right before they have to play. What a nice man. Ronnie asks Jeffrey for $2,000, and Jeffrey gives him $25. Hee! It’s pretty hilarious. Jeffrey knows Ronnie’s people are sketch, and is like, “Swear you’ll give up gambling after this weekend.” Ronnie’s all, “For sure, chief.”
Jess tries on her earrings for some store owner at the mall, and as soon as she puts them on Miss Lila Fowler charges in all, “I MUST BUY ALL OF THEM NOW!” Love! She’s a great best friend! The store owner buys some earring designs from Jess.
Ronnie goes to a Phi Ep meeting at Casa Patman, and hits his frat brothers up for money. Predictably, all of them say no, including Winston and Bill Chase. I mean, what? They ARE NOT RICH. And Bruce thinks the whole thing is hilarious. As one does. But whatever. Ronnie calls his bookie to say he has no money, and Big Al says he can make it up some other way. Ronnie has no choice but to say yes.
The jewelry store lady offers to buy everything Jess has in reserves. Of course, stupid little Jess doesn’t actually have anything in reserves, but that doesn’t stop her from agreeing to fill the order. Say what you want, but Jess is a talented designer. That’s exactly what they do.
Ronnie asks Jeffrey to cover the spread for the SVH soccer game. What a sorry small time bookie. And, of course, Jeffrey gets all offended like, “No way!” He’s all grossed out. Ronnie cries. Jeffrey dorks all, “Can’t you work out a payment plan?” and Ronnie is like, “HAVE YOU EVER MET A BOOKIE? DUH!” So, that’s that.
Just then, St. Liz walks up and Jeffrey goes off with her. On the way home, Liz tries to talk to him about how much Ronnie sucks, and Jeffrey is like, “Are you new? I don’t gossip.” It’s boring. I mean, is she not aware of how awesome Jeffrey is? Jeffrey doesn’t like to talk about people behind their backs and Liz can’t imagine that Ronnie would ever intrude on Jeffrey’s life, since Jeffrey hardly knows him. Heh. Jeffrey rolls his eyes and can’t believe he’s dating someone so clueless.
Jeffrey has an identity crisis about how his coach and dad want him to play his hardest no matter what, but a random annoying kid in his class wants him to win by two points instead of three. I know what I’d pick, but Jeffrey has an issue going on. At least he takes time out to reflect on how dumb Liz is about the whole thing. I kind of love him for that.
Meanwhile, Jess begs Alice for money, insisting the jewelry thing isn’t anything like Tofu-Glo. I love how entrepreneurial Jess can be when she feels like it. She will definitely have an MBA someday. Alice “adjusted the shoulder pads of her cream-colored silk blouse,” (God damn I love this series!) as she says she’ll loan Jess $200, but she expects to be paid back. I’m so sure. Jess runs right off and, remembering Ronnie’s offer to loan her $1,000, buys a zillion jewelry stones and stuff. It’s colossally dumb of her. Obviously Ronnie won’t have the money. But whatever. I might well be smarter than Jess. I know, it’s shocking to hear, but now you all know.
Some guy who works for Al pushes Ronnie into a pier at the beach, and Ronnie is terrified. Lame. If this guy were for real, he’d kill Ronnie’s dog. I’m just saying.
So, at lunch, Jess tries to get money from Ronnie. Enid makes fun of Jess’s earrings, but Jess, Miss Lila, and Cara all ignore her, since they’re all wearing Jess’s designs, which makes me like them even more than I did before. They're such good friends. Ronnie needs to see Jeffrey, but Liz won’t tell him where the chem test classroom is. Hott. He storms off without promising Jess any money, which infuriates her. I dunno. I sort of feel like, with some creativity, she could make this job work. But whatever. Liz swears to meddle in Ronnie’s life. I think she’ll succeed.
The next scene starts with Ronnie trying to barge into Jeffrey’s chem exam. Jeffrey’s confused about the difference between molality and molarity. Um, kay.
Anyway, Ronnie tries to barge in on the soccer players’ test, and Mr. Russo stops him. Tony makes a joke about how Michael Schmidt thought “uranium was the name of a planet.” HA! Jeffrey kind of wants to beat Ronnie up, but he’s not Todd, so instead he’ll hear the guy out. He does freak out at Ronnie for calling him Jeff, which is NOT HIS NAME, instead of Jeffrey. Hard core, yo. Though I do understand. Nicknames are for people who’ve been given verbal permission to use them.
Sorry, real life rant.
Anyway, Jeffrey notices that Ronnie’s pants are wet and is like “You were beaten up at the beach!” That is not the conclusion I would’ve reached, but whatever. I live in Boston, not Southern California. Ronnie’s like, “Yeah, dude! My bookie will kill me if you don’t cover our high school soccer point spread!” I yawn. Jeffrey is troubled. Ronnie begs. Jeffrey reluctantly agrees to help him cover the spread.
Jeffrey! I love you so much! What are you doing!
Jess asks Ronnie for a thousand dollars to finance her jewelry career, and he’s like “Ha ha! You must be joking, you funny, funny sociopath!” She’s angry.
John Pfiefer (BOO!) asks Liz to help with that week’s sports page. She agrees. What a simp.
Alice moronically agrees to let Jess use her credit card to buy jewelry supplies. She’s like, “As you earn your millions, you can pay me back. It’s not like credit card interest is high or anything.” Jess is all, "SCORE!"
Liz freaks out at John (HISS!) because Jeffrey misses a play at practice, but John (Jeer!) is sort of like, “Whatever!” He does register Big Al as a bookie from LA. I wonder how he knows! Also, there’s also a major scout from some university showing up to see Jeffrey or something. It’s not that interesting, I promise.
Anyway, Liz badgers Jeffrey until he acknowledges that Ronnie owes $2,000 more than he can pay, and now needs to cover the high school soccer spread. That’s so what a big time LA bookie would care about. I’m totally invested, as St. Liz clutches her pearls. She’s like, “Of course you told him no, right?” Jeffrey is like, “If I don’t fix the game, Ronnie will die,” and Liz is all, “Who cares if he dies, as long as you keep your SVH soccer dignity!” And then I crack up. Liz is pissy and Jeffrey is defensive, and that’s pretty much how the chapter ends.
Jess, while getting into her cheer uniform for the soccer game, gets a call from the store saying they don’t want her jewelry after all. She’s furious. I don’t care much. She’ll wind up owing everyone she knows a ton of money, as usual.
Liz shows up to the soccer game with Enid and Hugh, but tells them to save her a seat. She doubles back to her car because she wants to talk to Ronnie. When she sees him forced into one of Big Al’s cars, she follows them in the Fiat. Brilliant.
Oh, and there’s that scout in the stands for Jeffrey, which is a whole subplot, but it’s boring, so I haven’t covered it yet. All you need to know is that some college is interested in him, but we don’t care.
Jeffrey looks for Liz in the stands, but only sees Al the bookie. He’s depressed. Then, in the locker room while the team is getting psyched up, he gets a telegram, because it’s apparently 1930. Everyone is all, “Wooooooo! Elizabeth says good luck!” But, really, it’s from Big Al all, “I’ll kill Ronnie if you don’t cover the spread.” I yawn.
Meanwhile, Liz follows Ronnie in the bad guys’ car. When she tries to call the police form a pay phone (a plot cells would spoil) the bad guys grab her. Dun dun dunnnnnnn!
Meanwhile, Jeffrey plays soccer and freaks out. There’s a scout at this game looking at him for college, but at the same time, Ronnie’s need to cover the spread might spoil his mojo. Plus, he can’t find Liz in the crowd. Rough.
The thugs are all, “Liz! Threateny threaten!” But our girl Liz has been in enough dangerous situations to know that showing fear is Right Out. She talks tough, but the guy ties her up and gags her all, “We’ll just hang out until the high stakes high school soccer game is over.” Like people in the US cared about soccer in 1988. Or ever. Just saying.
Anyway, they tie Ronnie up also. I don’t care much. Liz freaks out that Jeffrey is in danger. Whatever.
Liz distracts the thugs in a boring way and Ronnie shatters a bottle of booze over the lead thug’s head. Okay. Ronnie makes Liz drive him to a pay phone, which he uses to call the police and tell on Big Al. Yawn.
Liz speeds toward SVH, because she can’t bear the thought of Jeffrey throwing the game. He has to see that she’s okay! Liz lectures Ronnie about how gambling isn’t a game, and he hangs his head shamefacedly. Dumb Liz drives her car right up onto the sidelines, and the coach calls a time out just because she asks him to, since he respects her journalistic work for The Oracle. I got nothin’. She tells Jeffrey there’s no danger if SVH blows Big Mesa out of the water and, thrilled, that’s exactly what he does. Also, some cops arrest Ronnie right there on the sidelines in the middle of this conversation, and Liz and Jeffrey are like “Whatever! Awesome!” and Ronnie is all, “Bye, guys! See you later!” as they haul him away. What do you want to bet Ned and Alice never hear any of this? SVH wins the game 3-2, with the winning goal scored by Jeffrey. Woo.
Liz tells Jeffrey the story of how she was held hostage by evil high school sports bookies, and Jeffery is like “Holy crap, do you need to go to the hospital?” She’s all, “Ha ha ha, no. I’m cool. Let’s make out!” I love Jeffrey.
Jess’s jewelry is ditched by the store again, some more. She doesn’t really care. If I were her mom and had just sunk a thousand dollars into it I would care, but whatever.
Jeffrey schedules some makeout time with Liz.
Ned gets pissed about Jess charging $900. He’s furious that he tried to charge some gas and the gas station DECLINED his card. Humiliating! Jess is sort of like, “Whatever.” I can not imagine my mom and dad reacting in a way that didn’t involve, “You are grounded until you’re 45,” but maybe that’s just because they were good at parenting, unlike the Wakefields.
And then John (jeer!) yells at Penny over the Oracle layout or something. I don’t know, I was too bored to pay attention.
For a book about gambling problems and violence and hostages or whatever, this was super dull.
So, here’s the thing. My husband (HEE! We’ve been married seven months but I still can’t hear that without cracking up) is at poker for the next four hours or so. What’s a girl supposed to do?
Well, I guess she’s supposed to either go out clubbing or recap an SVH book. So there.
Check it: Ronnie, Enid’s formerly abusive boyfriend, looks appropriately young and snotty, but Jess looks like a Palm Beach trophy wife who’s 45 years old but will only admit to 39. For realz.
And, I just have to mention that the young lady who first owned this book wrote her name on the inside cover in STACEY McGILL handwriting. The a’s and the hearts and you know exactly what I mean, because we are all 24-30 years old. Young lady, I know who you are.
Just sayin’.
So, Jeffrey wins a soccer game for SVH. Everyone is like “Woo!” and makes a big deal of him at the Dairi Burger. Aaron is like “Have fun!” and Jeffrey is like “Whatever,” which is actually in keeping with his personality, but then Aaron is like, “Hero worship never hurt anyone,” and Jeffrey goes, “Look what it did to you!” And then the ghostwriter says, “Elizabeth smiled. She remembered a time when Jeffrey couldn’t have kidded around with Aaron, back when Aaron as angry about his parents’ divorce.” Oh! Burn! And everyone gets all quiet because Aaron was only a rageaholic because his dad beat him. Awkward, ghostwriter. God damn, I love Sweet Valley High. Those Gossip Girl bitches never would’ve been like “Oh, awkward issue, irresponsibly backing off now that I’ve explicitly mentioned it. Just pretending that never happened.”
So, while Jess saves a seat for Liz and Jeffrey, her earring falls off. When Enid makes a snotty comment about it all, “I’ve never seen earrings like that before,” Lila jumps in with, “That’s because Jessica makes them herself!” I love Lila. Apparently Jess is about to start marketing the earrings.
Ronnie Edwards, Enid’s toolish ex, comes up to the group all, “Whatever you want, it’s on me!” None of them want anything because they hate him. They’re especially weirded out by guys by the bar eyeing Ronnie’s cash. Jeffrey goes up to the bar to buy a round of sodas for the group. Jess starts talking about her jewelry designs. The thugs start being all, “Let’s beat Ronnie up in the parking lot,” so as soon as he leaves, they go to do that.
But, of course, St. Liz tells Jeff that Ronnie’s about to have his ass kicked, so Jeff goes outside and awesomely intercepts the whole thing. He just is himself: he doesn’t even need to get punchy. Which just goes to show you what I think of him, compared to stupid Todd. We do learn, though, that Ronnie has a bookie named Big Al, who is all into high school sports. Not at all pathetic. That’s where the big money is, of course.
Anyway, Jeffrey chases the thugs away with his awesome, and then leads Ronnie back into the Dairi Burger, all the while thinking about how much Ronnie sucks.
Liz and Ronnie have a whole passive-aggressive confrontation thing during lunch. He offers to give Jess $1,000 to make her earrings, which is not smart. And then he monopolizes Jeffrey away from Liz, which pisses her off. Jeffrey is like “Whatever, you’re boring” which makes me love him even more that I already do. He thinks Ronnie is lame, and doesn’t get why the guy is acting like they’re best friends, even though he only saved him from getting his ass kicked one time. Awesome!
So the chem teacher, Mr. Russo, menaces the soccer team about flunking a test, but then agrees to let them then take it at lunch the day of the big game instead of making then do it the last period right before they have to play. What a nice man. Ronnie asks Jeffrey for $2,000, and Jeffrey gives him $25. Hee! It’s pretty hilarious. Jeffrey knows Ronnie’s people are sketch, and is like, “Swear you’ll give up gambling after this weekend.” Ronnie’s all, “For sure, chief.”
Jess tries on her earrings for some store owner at the mall, and as soon as she puts them on Miss Lila Fowler charges in all, “I MUST BUY ALL OF THEM NOW!” Love! She’s a great best friend! The store owner buys some earring designs from Jess.
Ronnie goes to a Phi Ep meeting at Casa Patman, and hits his frat brothers up for money. Predictably, all of them say no, including Winston and Bill Chase. I mean, what? They ARE NOT RICH. And Bruce thinks the whole thing is hilarious. As one does. But whatever. Ronnie calls his bookie to say he has no money, and Big Al says he can make it up some other way. Ronnie has no choice but to say yes.
The jewelry store lady offers to buy everything Jess has in reserves. Of course, stupid little Jess doesn’t actually have anything in reserves, but that doesn’t stop her from agreeing to fill the order. Say what you want, but Jess is a talented designer. That’s exactly what they do.
Ronnie asks Jeffrey to cover the spread for the SVH soccer game. What a sorry small time bookie. And, of course, Jeffrey gets all offended like, “No way!” He’s all grossed out. Ronnie cries. Jeffrey dorks all, “Can’t you work out a payment plan?” and Ronnie is like, “HAVE YOU EVER MET A BOOKIE? DUH!” So, that’s that.
Just then, St. Liz walks up and Jeffrey goes off with her. On the way home, Liz tries to talk to him about how much Ronnie sucks, and Jeffrey is like, “Are you new? I don’t gossip.” It’s boring. I mean, is she not aware of how awesome Jeffrey is? Jeffrey doesn’t like to talk about people behind their backs and Liz can’t imagine that Ronnie would ever intrude on Jeffrey’s life, since Jeffrey hardly knows him. Heh. Jeffrey rolls his eyes and can’t believe he’s dating someone so clueless.
Jeffrey has an identity crisis about how his coach and dad want him to play his hardest no matter what, but a random annoying kid in his class wants him to win by two points instead of three. I know what I’d pick, but Jeffrey has an issue going on. At least he takes time out to reflect on how dumb Liz is about the whole thing. I kind of love him for that.
Meanwhile, Jess begs Alice for money, insisting the jewelry thing isn’t anything like Tofu-Glo. I love how entrepreneurial Jess can be when she feels like it. She will definitely have an MBA someday. Alice “adjusted the shoulder pads of her cream-colored silk blouse,” (God damn I love this series!) as she says she’ll loan Jess $200, but she expects to be paid back. I’m so sure. Jess runs right off and, remembering Ronnie’s offer to loan her $1,000, buys a zillion jewelry stones and stuff. It’s colossally dumb of her. Obviously Ronnie won’t have the money. But whatever. I might well be smarter than Jess. I know, it’s shocking to hear, but now you all know.
Some guy who works for Al pushes Ronnie into a pier at the beach, and Ronnie is terrified. Lame. If this guy were for real, he’d kill Ronnie’s dog. I’m just saying.
So, at lunch, Jess tries to get money from Ronnie. Enid makes fun of Jess’s earrings, but Jess, Miss Lila, and Cara all ignore her, since they’re all wearing Jess’s designs, which makes me like them even more than I did before. They're such good friends. Ronnie needs to see Jeffrey, but Liz won’t tell him where the chem test classroom is. Hott. He storms off without promising Jess any money, which infuriates her. I dunno. I sort of feel like, with some creativity, she could make this job work. But whatever. Liz swears to meddle in Ronnie’s life. I think she’ll succeed.
The next scene starts with Ronnie trying to barge into Jeffrey’s chem exam. Jeffrey’s confused about the difference between molality and molarity. Um, kay.
Anyway, Ronnie tries to barge in on the soccer players’ test, and Mr. Russo stops him. Tony makes a joke about how Michael Schmidt thought “uranium was the name of a planet.” HA! Jeffrey kind of wants to beat Ronnie up, but he’s not Todd, so instead he’ll hear the guy out. He does freak out at Ronnie for calling him Jeff, which is NOT HIS NAME, instead of Jeffrey. Hard core, yo. Though I do understand. Nicknames are for people who’ve been given verbal permission to use them.
Sorry, real life rant.
Anyway, Jeffrey notices that Ronnie’s pants are wet and is like “You were beaten up at the beach!” That is not the conclusion I would’ve reached, but whatever. I live in Boston, not Southern California. Ronnie’s like, “Yeah, dude! My bookie will kill me if you don’t cover our high school soccer point spread!” I yawn. Jeffrey is troubled. Ronnie begs. Jeffrey reluctantly agrees to help him cover the spread.
Jeffrey! I love you so much! What are you doing!
Jess asks Ronnie for a thousand dollars to finance her jewelry career, and he’s like “Ha ha! You must be joking, you funny, funny sociopath!” She’s angry.
John Pfiefer (BOO!) asks Liz to help with that week’s sports page. She agrees. What a simp.
Alice moronically agrees to let Jess use her credit card to buy jewelry supplies. She’s like, “As you earn your millions, you can pay me back. It’s not like credit card interest is high or anything.” Jess is all, "SCORE!"
Liz freaks out at John (HISS!) because Jeffrey misses a play at practice, but John (Jeer!) is sort of like, “Whatever!” He does register Big Al as a bookie from LA. I wonder how he knows! Also, there’s also a major scout from some university showing up to see Jeffrey or something. It’s not that interesting, I promise.
Anyway, Liz badgers Jeffrey until he acknowledges that Ronnie owes $2,000 more than he can pay, and now needs to cover the high school soccer spread. That’s so what a big time LA bookie would care about. I’m totally invested, as St. Liz clutches her pearls. She’s like, “Of course you told him no, right?” Jeffrey is like, “If I don’t fix the game, Ronnie will die,” and Liz is all, “Who cares if he dies, as long as you keep your SVH soccer dignity!” And then I crack up. Liz is pissy and Jeffrey is defensive, and that’s pretty much how the chapter ends.
Jess, while getting into her cheer uniform for the soccer game, gets a call from the store saying they don’t want her jewelry after all. She’s furious. I don’t care much. She’ll wind up owing everyone she knows a ton of money, as usual.
Liz shows up to the soccer game with Enid and Hugh, but tells them to save her a seat. She doubles back to her car because she wants to talk to Ronnie. When she sees him forced into one of Big Al’s cars, she follows them in the Fiat. Brilliant.
Oh, and there’s that scout in the stands for Jeffrey, which is a whole subplot, but it’s boring, so I haven’t covered it yet. All you need to know is that some college is interested in him, but we don’t care.
Jeffrey looks for Liz in the stands, but only sees Al the bookie. He’s depressed. Then, in the locker room while the team is getting psyched up, he gets a telegram, because it’s apparently 1930. Everyone is all, “Wooooooo! Elizabeth says good luck!” But, really, it’s from Big Al all, “I’ll kill Ronnie if you don’t cover the spread.” I yawn.
Meanwhile, Liz follows Ronnie in the bad guys’ car. When she tries to call the police form a pay phone (a plot cells would spoil) the bad guys grab her. Dun dun dunnnnnnn!
Meanwhile, Jeffrey plays soccer and freaks out. There’s a scout at this game looking at him for college, but at the same time, Ronnie’s need to cover the spread might spoil his mojo. Plus, he can’t find Liz in the crowd. Rough.
The thugs are all, “Liz! Threateny threaten!” But our girl Liz has been in enough dangerous situations to know that showing fear is Right Out. She talks tough, but the guy ties her up and gags her all, “We’ll just hang out until the high stakes high school soccer game is over.” Like people in the US cared about soccer in 1988. Or ever. Just saying.
Anyway, they tie Ronnie up also. I don’t care much. Liz freaks out that Jeffrey is in danger. Whatever.
Liz distracts the thugs in a boring way and Ronnie shatters a bottle of booze over the lead thug’s head. Okay. Ronnie makes Liz drive him to a pay phone, which he uses to call the police and tell on Big Al. Yawn.
Liz speeds toward SVH, because she can’t bear the thought of Jeffrey throwing the game. He has to see that she’s okay! Liz lectures Ronnie about how gambling isn’t a game, and he hangs his head shamefacedly. Dumb Liz drives her car right up onto the sidelines, and the coach calls a time out just because she asks him to, since he respects her journalistic work for The Oracle. I got nothin’. She tells Jeffrey there’s no danger if SVH blows Big Mesa out of the water and, thrilled, that’s exactly what he does. Also, some cops arrest Ronnie right there on the sidelines in the middle of this conversation, and Liz and Jeffrey are like “Whatever! Awesome!” and Ronnie is all, “Bye, guys! See you later!” as they haul him away. What do you want to bet Ned and Alice never hear any of this? SVH wins the game 3-2, with the winning goal scored by Jeffrey. Woo.
Liz tells Jeffrey the story of how she was held hostage by evil high school sports bookies, and Jeffery is like “Holy crap, do you need to go to the hospital?” She’s all, “Ha ha ha, no. I’m cool. Let’s make out!” I love Jeffrey.
Jess’s jewelry is ditched by the store again, some more. She doesn’t really care. If I were her mom and had just sunk a thousand dollars into it I would care, but whatever.
Jeffrey schedules some makeout time with Liz.
Ned gets pissed about Jess charging $900. He’s furious that he tried to charge some gas and the gas station DECLINED his card. Humiliating! Jess is sort of like, “Whatever.” I can not imagine my mom and dad reacting in a way that didn’t involve, “You are grounded until you’re 45,” but maybe that’s just because they were good at parenting, unlike the Wakefields.
And then John (jeer!) yells at Penny over the Oracle layout or something. I don’t know, I was too bored to pay attention.
For a book about gambling problems and violence and hostages or whatever, this was super dull.