SVH #139: Elizabeth Is Mine, Part 1
All right, I lied. I'm back way before the end of the semester with my first snark. In my own defense (IhavealifeIswear) it's Easter break, which means I am home from school with a weekend of nothing to do. I had to take advantage of the opportunity.
Unfortunately, I'm at my parents' house, and most of my old Sweet Valley books are packed away. When I scoured the shelves, I only managed to find two: “Elizabeth Is Mine“ and “'R' For Revenge.“ I know the latter has been done before. I checked to make sure EIM wasn't on the list of snarks that have already been done, and it wasn't; however, if someone was planning to snark this and I missed it, then beat me over the head with a frying pan. If not ... well, enjoy. :D
Now I better get this started before I ramble on for another hour!
This book begins with Elizabeth “passionately kissing” Devon Whitelaw, and I immediately find myself repressing the urge to burst out in song. “Passionate kisses, ooh oh ooh oh!” Actually, I can remember an occasion where I did randomly burst out with that song - it was at my cousin's house, we were playing karaoke, and I was about ten. No doubt that reading these books gave me a lot of unrealistic fantasies about sixteen year old boys and their passionate kissing abilities - but I digress.
Elizabeth and Devon are behind the school in a deserted field (a baseball field? soccer field? random field for girls who cheat on their boyriends to hang out?). Devon is full of lines about how he has been dreaming of kissing her since the moment he first saw her (a guy falls in love at first sight with one of the twins? Shocker!) and Elizabeth is “giddy,” feeling as if she had never kissed anyone else before. Y'know, except for all the previous guys she's cheated on Todd with. Plus Todd himself.
Elizabeth wants to lose herself in his passionate kisses, but she can't completely give in, because two thoughts nag at her: Todd (I'm surprised she remembers his name!) and her twin sister, Jessica, who apparently has had a huge crush on Devon. Now, here's something I don't get: Devon is clearly not interested in Jessica, and prefers Elizabeth, but since he fell for Liz at first sight, why would he not also fall in love with Jess at first sight? Since they're all identical and stuff. Let me guess. He was drawn to Elizabeth's purity and good heart over Jessica's scheming ways? Good thing Liz isn't too much of a saint to not cheat on Todd or betray her sister. Otherwise, poor Devon never would have stood a chance.
Okay, I'll stop with the Cheating!Liz bashing. Honest. :D
Liz's conscience catches up with her, and she tells Devon that they shouldn't be doing this. Devon's response? “You can't fight this forever. You know we were meant to be together.”
Elizabeth seems to consider this, and we get this whopper of a line: “Ever since Devon had started at Sweet Valley High a week ago, Elizabeth's whole life seemed to have been turned upside down.”
They've known each other for a week, guys. I guess it's never too soon to start sending out those engraved invitations, hmm?
Moving on. We get Devon and Elizabeth's backstory: Devon, the new guy in town, met Liz when he was assigned to be her chemistry lab partner, where he wasted no time in trying to win her over. On their first day together, he spent the class period mixing together a number of solutions to match her eye color. The next day, he wrote her a message in invisible ink. Exactly how does that work? Did he have to tell her what it said, which would defeat the purpose of writing a letter, or did she use her x-ray vision to read it? The mind boggles. The third day, he put on a fireworks show for her, in the same field where they are now putting on another display of fireworks, if you know what I mean.
Liz reflects on how she had been fighting her feelings since Devon since the day they met; he asked her out, and she turned him down, explaining that she could never cheat on her boyfriend. (I didn't say anything.) But Devon pursued relentlessly and finally (I mean, she waited an entire week!) Elizabeth gave in. There is just something “undeniable” between them. Elizabeth thinks that Devon seems wise beyond his seventeen years, and this leads to Devon's backstory: he grew up an only child of wealthy parents in Connecticut who basically ignored him, only to end up dying in a car crash recently. This prompted Devon to move across the country to Sweet Valley, in search of the woman who had been his nanny as a child, and who has now agreed to take him in and be his guardian. Elizabeth just can't help being drawn to this wise, tragic loner, and she wonders if she can give up Todd forever. Devon breaks her out of her reverie by asking, “A kiss for your thoughts?” which makes Liz smile and makes me throw up a little in my mouth. Don't worry, I'm okay now. Liz, of course, gives right in, and we fade out on the two making out, with Liz deciding to worry about the consequences later.
The next scene opens with Todd, Jessica, and a shocked exclamation: “Elizabeth and Devon?!” Todd and Jessica are at the beach; Jessica meets him there to tell him that she caught Elizabeth and Devon making out. Was ths off-screen during the last make-out scene, or did I miss a book? I'm thinking I may have missed a book. Anyway, “As if to confirm Jessica's horrible words, the beautiful weather was beginning to turn. A few dark storm clouds had appeared ...” You have to love the dramatic irony, really.
Todd doesn't want to believe Jessica, but she insists that they were so lip-locked, they didn't even notice her. Todd reflects on how he had been planning a beach picnic for Elizabeth for the past week in honor of the one-year anniversary of her first article being published in the school paper. You know, despite his flaws, Todd really is too good for her. I may be in the minority, but I think it's sweet that he not only remembered something like that, but went out of his way to try to celebrate it. Kudos to you, Todd - it's a shame that your girlfriend is kind of a skank.
Ahem. So there's Todd, at the beach with his picnic all laid out for her, and Jessica shows up instead to deliver her news. Todd looks over the picnic that he's prepared, along with the gifts he's bought Elizabeth, and he decides that Jessica must be lying. No way could Liz be cheating on him. How could anyone cheat on the Todd? (Bananahammock!) Jessica is rightfully frustrated, and she practically has to beat him over the head with a description of the scene between Liz and Devon until Todd finally believes her. He gets upset, but Jessica tells him that he shouldn't waste time being upset over a girl who didn't appreciate what a romantic guy Todd was. Then she comes on to him. Gotta love Jess. Todd immediately rebuffs her, and Jess just shrugs, all, “It was just an idea.” Todd reminds her that she's into Devon, and Jessica is like, “Exactly. Revenge!” Todd, however, wants nothing to do with her, and he runs off in tears, leaving the picnic behind ..... for Jessica, who helps herself to the food as she sits with her anger, trying to figure out what to do about Liz and Devon. See, just as Devon has fallen for Liz at first sight, Jess has fallen for Devon at first sight, and is convinced that they are meant to be together. Jess is drawn to the silent, dangerous type this week, which means that she and Devon are clearly supposed to be picking out china. Jessica flashes back on how she has been trying to get into Devon's pants all week, even going so far as to pretend to be Elizabeth so she could make out with him. But Devon realizes that he's kissing Jessica, not Liz, and he pushes her away, to Jess's dismay. She says that he isn't giving her a fair chance, to which he coolly replies “You're not the one I want. You're not even my type.”
Ouch. Also, wtf? Isn't Devon drawn to Liz's beauty? Isn't Jess identical to Liz? Am I reading the wrong book?
Jess wonders the same thing, and we are led into a description of how the twins look exactly alike on the outside but are oh-so-different on the inside. Only now Jess feels as if their roles have been reversed, since Liz was out there on the wild side while Jess sat on the sidelines. Jess doesn't like this one bit, and she feels that she has to not only get revenge on Liz but get Devon to realize they are made for each other. If it were me, I'd just find another guy who was actually interested in me and didn't dismiss me like an old dishrag, but I guess this is why I am not Jessica Wakefield. Jessica thinks Todd is the key to her revenge. She only has to get him to cooperate.
And that was just the first chapter!
We go on to the second chapter, where Todd is driving around aimlessly, refusing to believe that Liz is cheating on him (how much evidence does the boy need?) until he actually goes to the school just in time to catch Liz and Devon in the act. I guess he's the type who has to see it to believe it. Or maybe he just wants to punch Devon. As he stares at the two kissing, he “feel[s] himself fill with a blind rage.” But he doesn't run in and deliver the Todd smackdown. He realizes that Liz is just as into it as Devon is, and feels defeated, and so he turns and walks back to his car, like a wimp. Poor Todd.
Cut back to Liz and Devon, who make out some more and exchange some banter in the rain before they decide they have to return to the building. Devon offers Liz a ride home on his motorcycle (yeah, I bet he wants her to ride his motorcycle. Also, double entendres aside, didn't she almost die on a motorcycle once? She doesn't even flinch at his suggestion. Continuity - this series has none.) but Liz says she has to finish up at the newspaper office. They part ways, after agreeing to meet first thing in the morning, and the Devon watches her go before he leaves, deep in thought about her and about his tragic life. Liz, apparently, makes him feel like no one ever has before - loved, I guess? Fortunately, before we can get much more in depth on this, Devon's thoughts are interrupted by Todd, who didn't leave after all. Instead, he approaches Devon “like an animal ready to spring” and warns him to stay away from Liz. Devon is like, haha, no. Todd is all, if you don't, then it's you and me and you don't know what I'm capable of. Devon is like, whatevs, and walks off, thinking of how he isn't going to let ELizabeth go now that he “has her.” I was hoping Todd would just punch him, but no such luck - Todd just lets him go, but he has his fists clenched, so he must mean business - next time, that is. Personally, I think they should both ditch Liz and grab a beer together because she's not worth all the trouble, but hey, I'm just a reader.
Next, we cut back to Liz, a few hours later, who is still thinking of Devon's passionate kisses as she gets home. She runs into Jess, who is all with the sarcastic hints. Liz is all, Yeah, I was working on my article all afternoon. Jess says somethng along the lines of, Really, 'cause it looked like you were working on Devon Whitelaw. Liz clutches her pearls. “You know!” Yes, Jess knows, and she can't believe Liz betrayed her in this way! They argue over this (Liz: “I didn't betray you. I can't help how I feel!” Jess: “Whatever. You're a whore.”) Jessica says that she told already told Todd, which creates a real problem for Liz. Jess goes into detail about the picnic that Todd planned for Liz, which sends a “tidal wave” of guilt over Liz. She picks up the phone to call Todd right away, but she hangs up before he answers. Then she cries.
Jessica, meanwhile, goes downstairs to the kitchen, where Alice Wakefield is preparing dinner. She talks about her work project, explaining that she feels guilty for working so late these days. Jess is like, hmm, whatever. Like the Wakefield parents are ever around anyway? I think this was just chapter-filler. Jessica gets some potato chips and goes into the den, where she settles in to call Lila. When Lila answers, she sounds out of breath, and Jess asks if she was moving something - which would not have been my first thought if my best friend breathlessly answered the phone, but maybe I just have a dirty mind. Lila explains that she was helping her parents move a coffee table. I check my watch. Fortunately, the call gets interesting. Jessica digs for info about Courtney Kane, whom Todd dated right after he moved back to Sweet Valley and right before he got back together with Liz. Apparently Courtney still wants to be in Todd's pants, and Jessica wants to help her get there as part of her revenge plan against ELizabeth. Lila agrees to help, and Jess hangs up the phone, deep in thought about her plan.
Moving right along to the next chapter. Liz is on her way to school, a nervous wreck at the idea of facing both Todd and Devon. She walks through the halls, keeping her head down and planning to eat lunch in the newspaper office when the principal announces a special assembly. Liz is happy, since she figures this means she won't have to see either Todd or Devon. She hurries off to the gym and sits with Enid and Maria, both of whom pick up on Liz's mood and ask if there are boyfriend problems. I think it's not a good sign if the first thing your friends think is wrong is a fight or some such with your boyfriend, but I guess if there were good signs in Toddabeth land, she wouldn't have been cheating on him in the first place. Also a bad sign: Maria guesses right away that there's some kind of love triangle between Liz, Devon, and Todd. Enid is like, le gasp! Liz is like, le blush! The principal is like, le attention! And the assembly starts. The-powers-that-be (I don't know if this is still the principal or a teacher talking because frankly, I started losing interest so I skimmed) announce that SVH is going to be holding a plot device science fair, with the prize being an all-expenses-paid trip to San Fransisco. My school never gave out all-expenses-paid trips to anywhere but detention. Enid is creaming herself over the idea of a science fair, because she's a nerd, and even Maria is like, woo for science! Then she and Enid high-five. Enid asks if Liz and Devon are going to enter the fair, and Liz of course blushes and is all, idk (my bff Jill?). Maria claims they've hit the jackpot and demands to know what's going on - Liz promises to tell them at lunch.
After that, it's off to science class, where Liz is nervous to see Devon because she's afraid he may have regretted their tonsil hockey session the previous afternoon. But he is happy to see her, and Liz thinks about how the chemistry classroom has become like her and Devon's special place, which I think is a little weird, but alas. Devon is hard at work at something that “doesn't look like our project,” Liz notes. Devon explains that he's finished with the assignment and is instead working on ... what is it? Rock candy! In theory, that's kind of cool, but I refuse to believe that a seventeen year old boy sat there and made rock candy with science classroom materials in about ten minutes. Also, when he gives it to Liz, he's like, “It's as sweet as you are,” and that pretty much kills it for me. But Liz, of course, is “enchanted.” Then she and Devon start talking about molecules and I yawn and turn the page. Molecule-talk has turned into old movie-talk, and Devon is asking Liz to go see Rebecca with him. Romantic. Liz angsts, thinking that she shouldn't start officially dating Devon while she still hasn't broken up with Todd. That tramp! She justifies it to herself by thinking that it's only a movie (but you know what movies lead to ... POPCORN! And passionate kissing.). So she agrees to go out with Devon, but only if he teaches her to make rock candy. He agrees, it's a date, and in a show of perfect timing, the teacher strolls over. Liz thinks they'll get in trouble for flirting, but the teacher just admires the rock candy, says something brilliant like, “Ah, sex toys,” (actually, he said, “A test in crystallinity,” but it's basically the same thing) and then goes on to say that he has entered Liz and Devon in the science fair. Liz is happy, but Devon throws a hissy fit. Actually, he just “frowns” and says he would rather not participate in the science fair, to both Liz's and the teacher's confusion. The teacher is all, “Well, if you change your mind ....” and Devon is all, “Not likely.” The teacher wanders off, and Liz asks Devon why he doesn't want to participate. He just says it's not his kind of thing. Liz (as usual) suspects that there's more, but shows surprising restraint in not pressing the matter.
In the next scene, we find ourselves at Jessica's lunch table, where she and Bruce Patman are making fun of the science fair. This is totally off-topic, but whenever I read about Bruce Patman, I picture him as Tom Welling from Smallville, and, uh, I'm not gonna lie .... that's hot. Ahem. Winston Egbert interjects, saying that he thinks the science fair is a good idea, and Bruce (*swoon*) snorts and is like, “Figures.” Winston's girlfriend Maria points out that science was cool to people like Einstein, and where would the world be without him? Bruce (*swoon*) says, “I doubt there's an Einstein at SVH,” which convinces me that he's probably the only one in town who has a clear perspective on things, but his statement just makes Jessica think of (of course) Devon, and how he is the smartest student at SVH, and isn't it just so unfair how Liz will be right by his side when he claims first-prize in the science fair. Why, it just makes her blood boil! She viciously murders a few french fries (death by stabbing .... *peers at her* .... Margo?) and tries to make herself feel better by telling herself that Devon is too cool to participate in the science fair. I don't think he is, but either way, he's not participating, so someone's onto something here. Lila and Amy discuss a fashion fair instead, and Bruce (*swoon*) snickers and is all, “It'd be much more interesting to look at.” You can look at my miniskirt any day, Bruce. Lila calls him predictable, Winston suggests that Lila can incorporate fashion into science, Lila becomes intrigued, and I tune them out, along with Jessica, who is convinced that she's surrounded by geeks.
And appropriately, we go right into Liz's perspective. She's on her way to the newspaper office, “her head spinning,” but before she can get there, she runs right into Todd. Oh, snap. She acts surprised to see him, and he's all, “What, did you think if you avoided me I'd go away?” Since Liz isn't going to come right out and say, “Actually, yeah,” she bites her lip and works up a few tears. Todd asks what's going on. Liz is all, “Devon makes me see fireworks, and you don't anymore.” Only not in so many words. Actually, she thinks the part about the fireworks, but out loud, all she says is, “I-I-I'm sorry, Todd. I-I-I didn't want to hurt you.” He's all, bitch please. No, that's just what I wanted him to say. In reality, he's like, “I'm willing to forgive you for making a mistake,” and he doesn't add, “Again,” but we're all thinking it. And then Liz - that tramp! - is like, “It wasn't a mistake.” Todd says, “Tell me you don't love me anymore.” Liz stands up straight to tell him so, but then she wimps out, and just looks away. So instead of kicking her to the curb, Todd says he knew she still cared about him, and then he gives her the ring that he had planned to surprise her with at their picnic. A silver-and-diamond ring, y'all.
The Todd is an idiot.
To her credit, Liz tries not to accept it, but Todd insists that she keep it, “To remind you of how good it was ... and how good it could be.” And then he walks away. So Liz pockets the ring. What tangled webs they weave .... I think Shakespeare just turned over in his grave. But, moving on!
Jess, Lila, and Courtney Kane are hanging out at the country club, flipping through fashion magazines. Jessica points out a dress that Lila likes, so Lila has Courtney add it to Lila's order. I love how Lila has made Courtney her little secretary. Courtney snarks about how Lila should just order the entire catalogue, and Lila is all, “Um, I just lost all of my clothes in a fire. Plus I'm rich, and did I mention I'm Lila freaking Fowler? Just do as I say.” Courtney flails, “Yes, yes, my apologies, O Great One.” They go back to their magazines. Lila catches sight of mechanical dolls that give her ideas for her science project - apparently she's planning on building a fashion robot, which you have to admit is just full of awesome - and Jessica is like, “I can't believe you're entering that geek fest.” Lila says it could be fun and besides, she wouldn't mind having a fashion slave at her disposal. This leads Courtney to ask about the science fair, and Jessica explains; Lila says that Jessica should enter because it would help Devon to notice her, and this gives Jessica the perfect opportunity to bring up Elizabeth and Todd. Which catches Courtney's attention immediately. Mmm, manipulation. Jess explains how Liz is cheating on Todd, and Courtney is all, “So Todd is free now?” Which is just where Jessica wants her.
Meanwhile, Devon and Liz have just gotten out of their movie, and they're heading over to Casey's for ice cream. Elizabeth is creaming herself over what a beautiful story it was, and she and Devon dissolve into a discussion of how Rebecca reminded them of Wuthering Heights and I guess this is supposed to be some kind of insight on how well-read and compatible they are, but it seems very contrived to me, and I roll my eyes as I turn the page. Oh, wait, I thought too soon. Elizabeth thinks about how Devon is much deeper than Todd, who never gave much thought to what movies meant, and I realize that this is just an opportunity for Liz to mentally trash Todd and then beat herself up over it. Mmm, entertainment. But before we can go down this route, Elizabeth changes the subject by prying into Devon's personal life. “So how come you don't want to be in the science fair?” Ten bucks to whoever saw that one coming. Liz just can't stay out of other people's business, especially if she's making out with them. Devon takes the bait, and angsts about how he used to get a lot of unwanted attention for being so smart, and he felt like the teachers only wanted to show him off for their own sake, not because they cared about him as a student. Poor, unloved Devon. Liz is all, “Awww, you're such a sensitive soul. Let's make out.” With this couple, I'm actually not sure who I want to smack more.
We're back to Courtney, Lila, and Jessica. Lila and Jess are getting Courtney all dressed up to woo Todd. Nothing really happens in this chapter except that Courtney gets poked a lot with bobby pins and the girls snark at each other. And the end result is that, of course, Courtney looks absolutely gorgeous. It just wouldn't be Sweet Valley if there wasn't yet another beautiful girl ready to swoop onto the scene. Look out, Todd.
This is the part where I accidentally dropped the book and lost my page, so I figured it was a sign from above that I need to put down the Sweet Valley crack and go make myself useful. So I think I'll stop for now, and I hope it's okay to post my review in two parts. Fear not - I will have the second part posted tonight or tomorrow. Because now I'm pretty hooked and I want to know what happens. So, until later, my dears!
Edited to fix some formatting issues. Sweet Valley ate my brain.
Unfortunately, I'm at my parents' house, and most of my old Sweet Valley books are packed away. When I scoured the shelves, I only managed to find two: “Elizabeth Is Mine“ and “'R' For Revenge.“ I know the latter has been done before. I checked to make sure EIM wasn't on the list of snarks that have already been done, and it wasn't; however, if someone was planning to snark this and I missed it, then beat me over the head with a frying pan. If not ... well, enjoy. :D
Now I better get this started before I ramble on for another hour!
This book begins with Elizabeth “passionately kissing” Devon Whitelaw, and I immediately find myself repressing the urge to burst out in song. “Passionate kisses, ooh oh ooh oh!” Actually, I can remember an occasion where I did randomly burst out with that song - it was at my cousin's house, we were playing karaoke, and I was about ten. No doubt that reading these books gave me a lot of unrealistic fantasies about sixteen year old boys and their passionate kissing abilities - but I digress.
Elizabeth and Devon are behind the school in a deserted field (a baseball field? soccer field? random field for girls who cheat on their boyriends to hang out?). Devon is full of lines about how he has been dreaming of kissing her since the moment he first saw her (a guy falls in love at first sight with one of the twins? Shocker!) and Elizabeth is “giddy,” feeling as if she had never kissed anyone else before. Y'know, except for all the previous guys she's cheated on Todd with. Plus Todd himself.
Elizabeth wants to lose herself in his passionate kisses, but she can't completely give in, because two thoughts nag at her: Todd (I'm surprised she remembers his name!) and her twin sister, Jessica, who apparently has had a huge crush on Devon. Now, here's something I don't get: Devon is clearly not interested in Jessica, and prefers Elizabeth, but since he fell for Liz at first sight, why would he not also fall in love with Jess at first sight? Since they're all identical and stuff. Let me guess. He was drawn to Elizabeth's purity and good heart over Jessica's scheming ways? Good thing Liz isn't too much of a saint to not cheat on Todd or betray her sister. Otherwise, poor Devon never would have stood a chance.
Okay, I'll stop with the Cheating!Liz bashing. Honest. :D
Liz's conscience catches up with her, and she tells Devon that they shouldn't be doing this. Devon's response? “You can't fight this forever. You know we were meant to be together.”
Elizabeth seems to consider this, and we get this whopper of a line: “Ever since Devon had started at Sweet Valley High a week ago, Elizabeth's whole life seemed to have been turned upside down.”
They've known each other for a week, guys. I guess it's never too soon to start sending out those engraved invitations, hmm?
Moving on. We get Devon and Elizabeth's backstory: Devon, the new guy in town, met Liz when he was assigned to be her chemistry lab partner, where he wasted no time in trying to win her over. On their first day together, he spent the class period mixing together a number of solutions to match her eye color. The next day, he wrote her a message in invisible ink. Exactly how does that work? Did he have to tell her what it said, which would defeat the purpose of writing a letter, or did she use her x-ray vision to read it? The mind boggles. The third day, he put on a fireworks show for her, in the same field where they are now putting on another display of fireworks, if you know what I mean.
Liz reflects on how she had been fighting her feelings since Devon since the day they met; he asked her out, and she turned him down, explaining that she could never cheat on her boyfriend. (I didn't say anything.) But Devon pursued relentlessly and finally (I mean, she waited an entire week!) Elizabeth gave in. There is just something “undeniable” between them. Elizabeth thinks that Devon seems wise beyond his seventeen years, and this leads to Devon's backstory: he grew up an only child of wealthy parents in Connecticut who basically ignored him, only to end up dying in a car crash recently. This prompted Devon to move across the country to Sweet Valley, in search of the woman who had been his nanny as a child, and who has now agreed to take him in and be his guardian. Elizabeth just can't help being drawn to this wise, tragic loner, and she wonders if she can give up Todd forever. Devon breaks her out of her reverie by asking, “A kiss for your thoughts?” which makes Liz smile and makes me throw up a little in my mouth. Don't worry, I'm okay now. Liz, of course, gives right in, and we fade out on the two making out, with Liz deciding to worry about the consequences later.
The next scene opens with Todd, Jessica, and a shocked exclamation: “Elizabeth and Devon?!” Todd and Jessica are at the beach; Jessica meets him there to tell him that she caught Elizabeth and Devon making out. Was ths off-screen during the last make-out scene, or did I miss a book? I'm thinking I may have missed a book. Anyway, “As if to confirm Jessica's horrible words, the beautiful weather was beginning to turn. A few dark storm clouds had appeared ...” You have to love the dramatic irony, really.
Todd doesn't want to believe Jessica, but she insists that they were so lip-locked, they didn't even notice her. Todd reflects on how he had been planning a beach picnic for Elizabeth for the past week in honor of the one-year anniversary of her first article being published in the school paper. You know, despite his flaws, Todd really is too good for her. I may be in the minority, but I think it's sweet that he not only remembered something like that, but went out of his way to try to celebrate it. Kudos to you, Todd - it's a shame that your girlfriend is kind of a skank.
Ahem. So there's Todd, at the beach with his picnic all laid out for her, and Jessica shows up instead to deliver her news. Todd looks over the picnic that he's prepared, along with the gifts he's bought Elizabeth, and he decides that Jessica must be lying. No way could Liz be cheating on him. How could anyone cheat on the Todd? (Bananahammock!) Jessica is rightfully frustrated, and she practically has to beat him over the head with a description of the scene between Liz and Devon until Todd finally believes her. He gets upset, but Jessica tells him that he shouldn't waste time being upset over a girl who didn't appreciate what a romantic guy Todd was. Then she comes on to him. Gotta love Jess. Todd immediately rebuffs her, and Jess just shrugs, all, “It was just an idea.” Todd reminds her that she's into Devon, and Jessica is like, “Exactly. Revenge!” Todd, however, wants nothing to do with her, and he runs off in tears, leaving the picnic behind ..... for Jessica, who helps herself to the food as she sits with her anger, trying to figure out what to do about Liz and Devon. See, just as Devon has fallen for Liz at first sight, Jess has fallen for Devon at first sight, and is convinced that they are meant to be together. Jess is drawn to the silent, dangerous type this week, which means that she and Devon are clearly supposed to be picking out china. Jessica flashes back on how she has been trying to get into Devon's pants all week, even going so far as to pretend to be Elizabeth so she could make out with him. But Devon realizes that he's kissing Jessica, not Liz, and he pushes her away, to Jess's dismay. She says that he isn't giving her a fair chance, to which he coolly replies “You're not the one I want. You're not even my type.”
Ouch. Also, wtf? Isn't Devon drawn to Liz's beauty? Isn't Jess identical to Liz? Am I reading the wrong book?
Jess wonders the same thing, and we are led into a description of how the twins look exactly alike on the outside but are oh-so-different on the inside. Only now Jess feels as if their roles have been reversed, since Liz was out there on the wild side while Jess sat on the sidelines. Jess doesn't like this one bit, and she feels that she has to not only get revenge on Liz but get Devon to realize they are made for each other. If it were me, I'd just find another guy who was actually interested in me and didn't dismiss me like an old dishrag, but I guess this is why I am not Jessica Wakefield. Jessica thinks Todd is the key to her revenge. She only has to get him to cooperate.
And that was just the first chapter!
We go on to the second chapter, where Todd is driving around aimlessly, refusing to believe that Liz is cheating on him (how much evidence does the boy need?) until he actually goes to the school just in time to catch Liz and Devon in the act. I guess he's the type who has to see it to believe it. Or maybe he just wants to punch Devon. As he stares at the two kissing, he “feel[s] himself fill with a blind rage.” But he doesn't run in and deliver the Todd smackdown. He realizes that Liz is just as into it as Devon is, and feels defeated, and so he turns and walks back to his car, like a wimp. Poor Todd.
Cut back to Liz and Devon, who make out some more and exchange some banter in the rain before they decide they have to return to the building. Devon offers Liz a ride home on his motorcycle (yeah, I bet he wants her to ride his motorcycle. Also, double entendres aside, didn't she almost die on a motorcycle once? She doesn't even flinch at his suggestion. Continuity - this series has none.) but Liz says she has to finish up at the newspaper office. They part ways, after agreeing to meet first thing in the morning, and the Devon watches her go before he leaves, deep in thought about her and about his tragic life. Liz, apparently, makes him feel like no one ever has before - loved, I guess? Fortunately, before we can get much more in depth on this, Devon's thoughts are interrupted by Todd, who didn't leave after all. Instead, he approaches Devon “like an animal ready to spring” and warns him to stay away from Liz. Devon is like, haha, no. Todd is all, if you don't, then it's you and me and you don't know what I'm capable of. Devon is like, whatevs, and walks off, thinking of how he isn't going to let ELizabeth go now that he “has her.” I was hoping Todd would just punch him, but no such luck - Todd just lets him go, but he has his fists clenched, so he must mean business - next time, that is. Personally, I think they should both ditch Liz and grab a beer together because she's not worth all the trouble, but hey, I'm just a reader.
Next, we cut back to Liz, a few hours later, who is still thinking of Devon's passionate kisses as she gets home. She runs into Jess, who is all with the sarcastic hints. Liz is all, Yeah, I was working on my article all afternoon. Jess says somethng along the lines of, Really, 'cause it looked like you were working on Devon Whitelaw. Liz clutches her pearls. “You know!” Yes, Jess knows, and she can't believe Liz betrayed her in this way! They argue over this (Liz: “I didn't betray you. I can't help how I feel!” Jess: “Whatever. You're a whore.”) Jessica says that she told already told Todd, which creates a real problem for Liz. Jess goes into detail about the picnic that Todd planned for Liz, which sends a “tidal wave” of guilt over Liz. She picks up the phone to call Todd right away, but she hangs up before he answers. Then she cries.
Jessica, meanwhile, goes downstairs to the kitchen, where Alice Wakefield is preparing dinner. She talks about her work project, explaining that she feels guilty for working so late these days. Jess is like, hmm, whatever. Like the Wakefield parents are ever around anyway? I think this was just chapter-filler. Jessica gets some potato chips and goes into the den, where she settles in to call Lila. When Lila answers, she sounds out of breath, and Jess asks if she was moving something - which would not have been my first thought if my best friend breathlessly answered the phone, but maybe I just have a dirty mind. Lila explains that she was helping her parents move a coffee table. I check my watch. Fortunately, the call gets interesting. Jessica digs for info about Courtney Kane, whom Todd dated right after he moved back to Sweet Valley and right before he got back together with Liz. Apparently Courtney still wants to be in Todd's pants, and Jessica wants to help her get there as part of her revenge plan against ELizabeth. Lila agrees to help, and Jess hangs up the phone, deep in thought about her plan.
Moving right along to the next chapter. Liz is on her way to school, a nervous wreck at the idea of facing both Todd and Devon. She walks through the halls, keeping her head down and planning to eat lunch in the newspaper office when the principal announces a special assembly. Liz is happy, since she figures this means she won't have to see either Todd or Devon. She hurries off to the gym and sits with Enid and Maria, both of whom pick up on Liz's mood and ask if there are boyfriend problems. I think it's not a good sign if the first thing your friends think is wrong is a fight or some such with your boyfriend, but I guess if there were good signs in Toddabeth land, she wouldn't have been cheating on him in the first place. Also a bad sign: Maria guesses right away that there's some kind of love triangle between Liz, Devon, and Todd. Enid is like, le gasp! Liz is like, le blush! The principal is like, le attention! And the assembly starts. The-powers-that-be (I don't know if this is still the principal or a teacher talking because frankly, I started losing interest so I skimmed) announce that SVH is going to be holding a plot device science fair, with the prize being an all-expenses-paid trip to San Fransisco. My school never gave out all-expenses-paid trips to anywhere but detention. Enid is creaming herself over the idea of a science fair, because she's a nerd, and even Maria is like, woo for science! Then she and Enid high-five. Enid asks if Liz and Devon are going to enter the fair, and Liz of course blushes and is all, idk (my bff Jill?). Maria claims they've hit the jackpot and demands to know what's going on - Liz promises to tell them at lunch.
After that, it's off to science class, where Liz is nervous to see Devon because she's afraid he may have regretted their tonsil hockey session the previous afternoon. But he is happy to see her, and Liz thinks about how the chemistry classroom has become like her and Devon's special place, which I think is a little weird, but alas. Devon is hard at work at something that “doesn't look like our project,” Liz notes. Devon explains that he's finished with the assignment and is instead working on ... what is it? Rock candy! In theory, that's kind of cool, but I refuse to believe that a seventeen year old boy sat there and made rock candy with science classroom materials in about ten minutes. Also, when he gives it to Liz, he's like, “It's as sweet as you are,” and that pretty much kills it for me. But Liz, of course, is “enchanted.” Then she and Devon start talking about molecules and I yawn and turn the page. Molecule-talk has turned into old movie-talk, and Devon is asking Liz to go see Rebecca with him. Romantic. Liz angsts, thinking that she shouldn't start officially dating Devon while she still hasn't broken up with Todd. That tramp! She justifies it to herself by thinking that it's only a movie (but you know what movies lead to ... POPCORN! And passionate kissing.). So she agrees to go out with Devon, but only if he teaches her to make rock candy. He agrees, it's a date, and in a show of perfect timing, the teacher strolls over. Liz thinks they'll get in trouble for flirting, but the teacher just admires the rock candy, says something brilliant like, “Ah, sex toys,” (actually, he said, “A test in crystallinity,” but it's basically the same thing) and then goes on to say that he has entered Liz and Devon in the science fair. Liz is happy, but Devon throws a hissy fit. Actually, he just “frowns” and says he would rather not participate in the science fair, to both Liz's and the teacher's confusion. The teacher is all, “Well, if you change your mind ....” and Devon is all, “Not likely.” The teacher wanders off, and Liz asks Devon why he doesn't want to participate. He just says it's not his kind of thing. Liz (as usual) suspects that there's more, but shows surprising restraint in not pressing the matter.
In the next scene, we find ourselves at Jessica's lunch table, where she and Bruce Patman are making fun of the science fair. This is totally off-topic, but whenever I read about Bruce Patman, I picture him as Tom Welling from Smallville, and, uh, I'm not gonna lie .... that's hot. Ahem. Winston Egbert interjects, saying that he thinks the science fair is a good idea, and Bruce (*swoon*) snorts and is like, “Figures.” Winston's girlfriend Maria points out that science was cool to people like Einstein, and where would the world be without him? Bruce (*swoon*) says, “I doubt there's an Einstein at SVH,” which convinces me that he's probably the only one in town who has a clear perspective on things, but his statement just makes Jessica think of (of course) Devon, and how he is the smartest student at SVH, and isn't it just so unfair how Liz will be right by his side when he claims first-prize in the science fair. Why, it just makes her blood boil! She viciously murders a few french fries (death by stabbing .... *peers at her* .... Margo?) and tries to make herself feel better by telling herself that Devon is too cool to participate in the science fair. I don't think he is, but either way, he's not participating, so someone's onto something here. Lila and Amy discuss a fashion fair instead, and Bruce (*swoon*) snickers and is all, “It'd be much more interesting to look at.” You can look at my miniskirt any day, Bruce. Lila calls him predictable, Winston suggests that Lila can incorporate fashion into science, Lila becomes intrigued, and I tune them out, along with Jessica, who is convinced that she's surrounded by geeks.
And appropriately, we go right into Liz's perspective. She's on her way to the newspaper office, “her head spinning,” but before she can get there, she runs right into Todd. Oh, snap. She acts surprised to see him, and he's all, “What, did you think if you avoided me I'd go away?” Since Liz isn't going to come right out and say, “Actually, yeah,” she bites her lip and works up a few tears. Todd asks what's going on. Liz is all, “Devon makes me see fireworks, and you don't anymore.” Only not in so many words. Actually, she thinks the part about the fireworks, but out loud, all she says is, “I-I-I'm sorry, Todd. I-I-I didn't want to hurt you.” He's all, bitch please. No, that's just what I wanted him to say. In reality, he's like, “I'm willing to forgive you for making a mistake,” and he doesn't add, “Again,” but we're all thinking it. And then Liz - that tramp! - is like, “It wasn't a mistake.” Todd says, “Tell me you don't love me anymore.” Liz stands up straight to tell him so, but then she wimps out, and just looks away. So instead of kicking her to the curb, Todd says he knew she still cared about him, and then he gives her the ring that he had planned to surprise her with at their picnic. A silver-and-diamond ring, y'all.
The Todd is an idiot.
To her credit, Liz tries not to accept it, but Todd insists that she keep it, “To remind you of how good it was ... and how good it could be.” And then he walks away. So Liz pockets the ring. What tangled webs they weave .... I think Shakespeare just turned over in his grave. But, moving on!
Jess, Lila, and Courtney Kane are hanging out at the country club, flipping through fashion magazines. Jessica points out a dress that Lila likes, so Lila has Courtney add it to Lila's order. I love how Lila has made Courtney her little secretary. Courtney snarks about how Lila should just order the entire catalogue, and Lila is all, “Um, I just lost all of my clothes in a fire. Plus I'm rich, and did I mention I'm Lila freaking Fowler? Just do as I say.” Courtney flails, “Yes, yes, my apologies, O Great One.” They go back to their magazines. Lila catches sight of mechanical dolls that give her ideas for her science project - apparently she's planning on building a fashion robot, which you have to admit is just full of awesome - and Jessica is like, “I can't believe you're entering that geek fest.” Lila says it could be fun and besides, she wouldn't mind having a fashion slave at her disposal. This leads Courtney to ask about the science fair, and Jessica explains; Lila says that Jessica should enter because it would help Devon to notice her, and this gives Jessica the perfect opportunity to bring up Elizabeth and Todd. Which catches Courtney's attention immediately. Mmm, manipulation. Jess explains how Liz is cheating on Todd, and Courtney is all, “So Todd is free now?” Which is just where Jessica wants her.
Meanwhile, Devon and Liz have just gotten out of their movie, and they're heading over to Casey's for ice cream. Elizabeth is creaming herself over what a beautiful story it was, and she and Devon dissolve into a discussion of how Rebecca reminded them of Wuthering Heights and I guess this is supposed to be some kind of insight on how well-read and compatible they are, but it seems very contrived to me, and I roll my eyes as I turn the page. Oh, wait, I thought too soon. Elizabeth thinks about how Devon is much deeper than Todd, who never gave much thought to what movies meant, and I realize that this is just an opportunity for Liz to mentally trash Todd and then beat herself up over it. Mmm, entertainment. But before we can go down this route, Elizabeth changes the subject by prying into Devon's personal life. “So how come you don't want to be in the science fair?” Ten bucks to whoever saw that one coming. Liz just can't stay out of other people's business, especially if she's making out with them. Devon takes the bait, and angsts about how he used to get a lot of unwanted attention for being so smart, and he felt like the teachers only wanted to show him off for their own sake, not because they cared about him as a student. Poor, unloved Devon. Liz is all, “Awww, you're such a sensitive soul. Let's make out.” With this couple, I'm actually not sure who I want to smack more.
We're back to Courtney, Lila, and Jessica. Lila and Jess are getting Courtney all dressed up to woo Todd. Nothing really happens in this chapter except that Courtney gets poked a lot with bobby pins and the girls snark at each other. And the end result is that, of course, Courtney looks absolutely gorgeous. It just wouldn't be Sweet Valley if there wasn't yet another beautiful girl ready to swoop onto the scene. Look out, Todd.
This is the part where I accidentally dropped the book and lost my page, so I figured it was a sign from above that I need to put down the Sweet Valley crack and go make myself useful. So I think I'll stop for now, and I hope it's okay to post my review in two parts. Fear not - I will have the second part posted tonight or tomorrow. Because now I'm pretty hooked and I want to know what happens. So, until later, my dears!
Edited to fix some formatting issues. Sweet Valley ate my brain.