This brought tears to my eyes many times. I'm going to come back and reread it again a dozen times, I know. I'll probably comment again on the gorgeousness of this piece. (On a correction note- It's Martin Gray, not MartiAn. Martians are from mars ;) Good job getting his last name right. I hate it when people use 'Grey' which is incorrect. And 'head over hEEls' in the last paragraph).
First Paragraph- ferris wheel not Ferris Wheel and fortunately not fourtantly. Claire's temper- Look up the word 'ferric'. Did you mean feral? and surely, not surly Gabriel's temper- Makes me want to hear about Sylar's temper. Number 2- I don't think those are questions. You use a lot of numbers in for this series, that's to be expected. But they should be twenty-thousand and twelve-page paper instead of 20,000 and 12 page. And in the final paragraph- 'Well, the intensity...' Just add a comma! I love this again. You really cut to the heart of him (Gabriel/Sylar).
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(On a correction note- It's Martin Gray, not MartiAn. Martians are from mars ;) Good job getting his last name right. I hate it when people use 'Grey' which is incorrect.
And 'head over hEEls' in the last paragraph).
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Claire's temper- Look up the word 'ferric'. Did you mean feral? and surely, not surly
Gabriel's temper- Makes me want to hear about Sylar's temper.
Number 2- I don't think those are questions.
You use a lot of numbers in for this series, that's to be expected. But they should be twenty-thousand and twelve-page paper instead of 20,000 and 12 page.
And in the final paragraph- 'Well, the intensity...' Just add a comma!
I love this again. You really cut to the heart of him (Gabriel/Sylar).
Reply
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