A Certain Kind of Sadness - Log with Beatrice

[17_going_on_8]

[He had made the necessary arrangements. As far as Ran and Kogoro knew, he was actually have to spend some time with his 'real parents.' A special trip. As did Jodie, just in case

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[bitchcrafts]

[ And she opened it up-- Before her stakes could do their standard greeting, she halted them with one motion of the hand. ]

... Conan?

[17_going_on_8]

[There was a long moment that he didn't move. Then he slowly looked up.]

[Over their time together for the past few years, there was many faces Beatrice had gotten the chance to see. The sad, heart broken faces, the victorious faces, the arrogant and embarrassed, the confident and self loathing, the brave and terrified, the broken and determined.]

[Even faces he wouldn't usually make, a sadistic glee, the mad grins, and even the looks of a love sick puppy.]

[This would be the first time she would have gotten an opportunity to see a face like this. For anyone to. It was the sort of face that would have made him furniture for sure, had it been a witches game.]

[It was defeat. Not a loss, not an injury, but something had completely and utterly defeated him and he saw no victory, no consolation. Whatever had happened, it was something that had nothing he could use, nothing that he could have taken away and become stronger. Something beat him with a complete victory that would have been easy to declare in Red.]

Hey Beato.

[bitchcrafts]

[ She knelt immediately. What had happened? Had Bernkastel done something? Had-- had she not kept a close enough eye on him? She was already criticizing herself for not-- ]

What's wrong?

[17_going_on_8]

It wasn't a witch. [He saw the look and he wanted to reassure her of that.]

As for what happened, I... [And he froze, like the words were caught in his throat and there was such a pained look and he looks down again.]

...I need to...get away, Beato. Away from...home, away from...everything. I...

I can't put up a facade right now. I can't make the act. If I stay, I'll just... [Break.]

[17_going_on_8]

[Seven days since they started. Seven days since he made the statements in red. Seven days of traveling to all sorts of times and places, most of the time him finding enjoyment with only the brief moments of his melancholy.]

[The final place was a place familiar to him. A private villa of his family's on Hawaii. He had made a call to his parents, saying he'd explain how he got to Hawaii later, but he needed the time to himself, so don't mind any unexpected charges from the house.]

[He figured he had two days before they were there. He'd be gone by tomorrow anyway.]

[But the place was private, at least a twenty minute walk to the small town on the island. So no one was likely to come by on their own. Not that he worried, making up lies to get rid of the locals would be easy enough.]

[So Conan took the time to enjoy the sea breeze, laying out on the porch, staring at the clouds above, knowing he would have to say something soon.]

[bitchcrafts]

[ At this point, his sadness hurts her. Part of her want to wave off the promise altogether, but it was made in red, so even if she wanted to... ]

Conan?

[17_going_on_8]

....

You know. I've thought about it a lot, but I could never pick out the exact moment I fell in love with Ran.

All I know is the moment when I realized that's what my feelings were.

[He starts out slow, his voice soft. Loud enough to be heard, but almost like if he talked too loud, something would break.]

[bitchcrafts]

[ Like all the air was sucked out of her lungs, she sat frozen. This was going to hurt. If he had been avoiding it for so long, it was going to hurt.

If it was going to be about Ran, it was going to hurt.

Nothing about this wasn't going to be full of pain. ]

And... ?