Soul Butterfly Daycare: Substitute Teacher
Substitute Teacher: Byakuya loses control of his classroom when Orihime, Ulquiorra, Uryu and Ichigo visit.
“She didn’t have any hair at all!” Ichigo explained. Orihime and Uryu both gasped as they made their way inside Byakuya Kuchiki’s classroom. Ulquiorra followed behind them pretending to be absorbed in the latest Batman Comic. Of course he wasn’t having much luck as his ragtag team of classmates were constantly distracting them.
“Oh no! It’s the lice!” Orihime explained. Uryu nodded in agreement.
“That’s what I thought but she said it wasn’t that,” Ichigo corrected.
“It was so weird seeing her in the hospital with all those tubey things sticking out of her. She looked really sick.”
Orihime exchanged a questioning look with Uryu but he only shrugged.
“Maybe she had her tonsils out like Quiorra,” Orihime suggested. Uryu and Ichigo turned to look at him questionably. Ulquiorra inwardly rolled his eyes.
“Did you lose your hair while you were in the hospital Ulquiorra?” Uryu asked timidly. Ulquiorra stared at him so long that Quincy was forced to look away. He was not going to deem that question worthy of a response.
“You lot are in the wrong classroom,” a cool voice suddenly interrupted. Four heads turned to look up at the towering figure of Byakuya Kuchiki standing over them with a raised eyebrow.
“That’s Rukia’s older brother,” Ichigo whispered loudly. Orihime blinked owlishly at him.
“He looks like Pocahontas,” she declared suddenly, earning her an icy glare from said man. Ulquiorra buried his nose in his comic book. Ichigo snickered. Uryu who was mortified by Orihime’s response, quickly pulled out a note out from his pocket and handed it to Byakuya.
“Most of our class is out today, including our instructor. The secretary in the office said to come here instead,” he explained.
“We think he might have beard lice,” Ichigo piped in.
Byakuya took a deep, invigorating breath.
“Very well. You may take your seat on the rug. Today our class is going to be watching a movie.” He gestured to a blue rug where other four and five year olds sat. Ulquiorra recognized most of their faces from his previous existence. Coyote Stark, Gin Ichimaru, Emilou Apacci, Tesra Lindocruz, and Nnoitra Gilga. Trash.
The other students like the strawberry blonde, the bald boy, the sad eyed pigtailed girl, and the tiny, giggling girl with pink bubblegum stuck in her hair he vaguely recognized but could not remember their names.
The prospect of sitting next to any of them was revolting.
“Come on,” he ordered and grabbed Orihime’s hand and led her over to the rug. Ichigo and Uryu followed.
“Everyone settle down. Gin will pass out the snacktime cookies while we watch the movie,” Byakuya explained and went to turn off the lights.
Orihime ended up sitting next to the strawberry blonde girl with Ulquiorra on the other side. To his utter annoyance, Ichigo sat down directly behind them while Uryu found a spot on the other side of the rug next to the bubblegum girl who kept calling him ‘Hansel.’
“Nice, it’s like dinner and a movie,” Ichigo joked. The bald boy next to Ichigo snickered.
“I just love the oatmeal raisin cookies,” the strawberry blond exclaimed. Orihime shot her a puzzling look and Ulquiorra remembered that the woman still thought they were chocolate chip. Uh oh…
“Oatmeal with raisins?” Orihime squeaked.
“I wonder what move we’ll be watching,” Uryu mused. Beside him, the bubblegum girl snatched his glasses off of his face.
“Hey!”
“Oh, I hope it’s Pocahontas!” Ichigo exclaimed obnoxiously, earning another glare from Byakuya. The bald boy laughed.
“Wait, what do you mean oatmeal raisin?” Orihime asked anxiously. Ulquiorra knew that the woman had a thing for chocolate chips. He also knew that she hated raisins. And oatmeal.
“Hmmm?” the strawberry blond girl notice Orihime’s apprehension.
“Don’t you like oatmeal raisin cookies?” she asked. Orihime shook her head. Ulquiorra felt guilt worm it’s way into her gut. He should have told her sooner…
Someone threw a paper airplane at his head. Ulquiorra turned to glare at Nnoitra and Tesra who both snickered at him. Frustrated, the raven haired boy turned to look at the teacher, but it was so dark that Byakuya could not see anything and thus was oblivious.
“No, I only like chocolate chip,” Orihime whined behind him.
Gin came around then with the cookies and went to Apacci first. She was followed by Stark, who was curled up asleep in the corner and then Ichigo.
“I don’t want that one, it’s so tiny,” Ichigo whined when Gin gave him his snack.
“They’re all the same size,” scoffed the bald boy next to him.
Ichigo snorted. There were bigger cookies in the jar.
“No they’re not. Let me see,” He demanded and lunged at Gin. The two proceeded to grapple with the jar while the bald boy cheered them on. Apacci scooted farther away from them.
“Oh you poor thing. You must hate snacktime then,” the strawberry blonde girl was saying.
“What do you mean?” Orihime asked confused. Ulquiorra tried to get the woman’s attention.
Another paper airplane hit him in the head. Annoyed, Ulquiorra crumbled it up and tried to throw it back at the boys but he missed and ended up hitting, the sad pigtailed hair girl instead. She started to cry. Great.
“Well, every classroom serves oatmeal raisin, didn’t you know?”
Unable to speak, Orihime turned to Ulquiorra pale and shaky. Her whole world was coming undone.
“Can you believe this?” she whispered to her best boyfriend. Tears - actual tears - fell from her eyes. Ulquiorra felt even guiltier. Why hadn’t he told her before?
He was the worst best boyfriend in the world.
“Nice try, Kurosaki. Maybe next time,” Gin taunted and ripped the cookie jar out of the five year olds hand. Turning to Orihime and Ulquiorra, he offered them each a cookie. When she made no move to grab hers, Ulquiorra took them both. He looked at her soulfully.
“Woman I…”
Another paper airplane hit him in the head. Angry now, Ulquiorra took one of the cookies and chucked it at Nnoitra.
The ‘owe’ that followed let him know that he had hit his mark. Thankfully with the lights of Byakuya could not see the commotion.
“You knew about the cookies didn’t you?” Orihime asked him accusingly. Ulquiorra fidgeted in his seat, feeling very much like the five year old that he was.
“... yes.”
Orihime sighed disappointedly at him. Ulquiorra wanted to say he was sorry, but the words didn’t seem to cut it.
“This is a grave offense and no word can express my remorse,” he told Orihime darkly before reaching over and taking her hand in his. Without breaking eye contact he reached up and kissed the woman’s wrist. Orihime felt her face grow warm from the contact but she liked the fluttery feeling in her stomach.
“The butterflies in my tummy know you’re sorry,” she told him and offered a shy smile.
The moment was ruined when another paper airplane hit Ulquiorra in the head. Without missing a beat, he took the other cookie and chucked it, this time at Tesra.
“I’m not kidding Yachiru, I need those to see!” Uryu shouted and chased the bubblegum girl clear into the hallway.
Byakuya turned the lights on.
“What is the meaning of this?”