Women and War/Peace
As a child, I watched my father's dad, a Korean war veteran, slowly losing his hearing because of the injuries he garnered and learning to pretend that he was hearing things much better than he was because he didn't want to admit that he was going deaf. As an adult, I listened to my mother's father (who turns 87 today) attempt to explain about his horrible memories that he still suffers from his service in World War II and then leave the room because he could not let himself cry in front of us. I've watched that same man refuse any help with the problems of aging, because "he was a Marine, he didn't NEED any help."
Both of these men are foremost on my mind these days, as I finish up my MA thesis, which is a critique of the expectations of military masculinity in contemporary US culture. I come at this critique from my pacifist background, but I came to that by growing up seeing the effects of war on my families and the families of those close to me. I am mostly supported for this critique in my academic life, but I don't talk much about my work with my extended family, because I am used to being dismissed as a "silly girl" who doesn't know what she is talking about whenever I try to discuss my opposition to war.
And that is the take-away from this for me, that is the reason I am so committed to working for a better solution to conflict than war. This vision of conflict resolution and it's ideals of gender are toxic, both to men and to women. I have lost close relationships with both of my grandfathers because of war and with many of my relatives because I believe that working for peace is harder than throwing bombs and because I believe that neither side has all of the answers. My mother and her sisters are the ones who have to deal with the fact that their own father doesn't know how to ask for help because he was continually taught that he shouldn't ever do that, especially not from women.
Women come in all shapes and sizes. We come from all walks of life, from all backgrounds, from all political persuasions. I long to live in a world where my ideas are discussed and debated on their own merits, rather than being rejected for reasons of my gender or reduced to it. Just as I would expect Rick Santorium not to be shocked by a woman who wanted to become a solider, I would expect you to listen when I talk about my pacifism rather than dismissing it as a silly female thing or assuming that the only reason I came to that conviction was because of the fact that women are "more gentle." That makes about as much sense as assuming my pacifism stems from my gayness and insults my intelligence just as much. Women should not, CAN NOT, be reduced to any one characteristic, other than an affinity with the label of woman. Women's voices must be heard, on BOTH sides of the debate about a need for war in this day and age. Who knows? Maybe there is a way to rehabilitate the ideals of the military to something without toxic gender ideals that bring about death and destruction to millions of lives. But I do know that there is no way we will ever find that out unless we stop assuming that we already know what half of the population will say on the matter.
There aren't any good, clean, clear answers that I can give on this subject. About the best I can do is point you back to the smart things that idyll said about politics, because that's where the ticket lies, in addition to peace protests and fund-raising for displaced persons and drives to stop war violence. All of these things are important, because the personal IS political, but without working in congress with those seeking the voice and the authority to enact change, it all becomes a little pointless.