Oooh wow this was very well-written. Umm, mostly I see minor spelling mistakes here and there.
cold and taut across his eyelids
trying to soothe
aching to for certainty
he almost doesn’t misses
The rope burns, its coarse sting (and maybe take out the comma?)
Change following to present tense:
The hand slides further, till the back of a bare knuckle (is) hot against his right inner thigh. His limbs writhe.
for not treating him as an enemy, to held in aloof -- "to held in aloof" doesn't sound right, maybe "to hold aloof" or a simple "[..] as an enemy, aloof"
Change to present tense:
where his leg spring out from his pelvis, meets up with the rest of his body
Since you used the leg reaching pelvis phrase in the previous bit, maybe you can remove it from here?
as it reaches the juncture between his hip and thigh, where his leg meets his pelvis
Not with comfortable familiarity as Doctor McCoy does
Hmm, I hope that's all. It's very...sensual, in terms of it having descriptions of all senses, smell taste touch etc. Good job!
Thanks and yeah the kink meme can be like that - if it's not delicious bookmarked, it can be quite vexing figuring out what's been newly filled :)
and I friended back - yay to more prompt fills soon (you should do this again if you have the time, send me hot prompts LOL since it worked so well this time)
Comments 11
cold and taut across his eyelids
trying to soothe
aching to for certainty
he almost doesn’t misses
The rope burns, its coarse sting (and maybe take out the comma?)
Change following to present tense:
The hand slides further, till the back of a bare knuckle (is) hot against his right inner thigh. His limbs writhe.
for not treating him as an enemy, to held in aloof -- "to held in aloof" doesn't sound right, maybe "to hold aloof" or a simple "[..] as an enemy, aloof"
Change to present tense:
where his leg spring out from his pelvis, meets up with the rest of his body
Since you used the leg reaching pelvis phrase in the previous bit, maybe you can remove it from here?
as it reaches the juncture between his hip and thigh, where his leg meets his pelvis
Not with comfortable familiarity as Doctor McCoy does
Hmm, I hope that's all. It's very...sensual, in terms of it having descriptions of all senses, smell taste touch etc. Good job!
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by the way, I actually wanna ask you some questions. Sent you a PM. Hope you don't mind.
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and I friended back - yay to more prompt fills soon (you should do this again if you have the time, send me hot prompts LOL since it worked so well this time)
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