There are A LOT of experiences with coming out, particularly depending on who you're coming out to, who you've come out to before, the attitudes of the people you are coming out to, etc. I know some people who have had really bad experiences and some people for whom it's been no big deal. :\ It might also be very different based on "I think I am attracted to ____" v. "I am now dating someone who is _____". There is definitely no monolithic experience of coming out, and I think it might be as much of a mistake to assume that it will necessarily be angst-inducing as to assume that it will not be a big deal at all.
In the context of my specific imaginary fic, the protagonists are both serious jocks (it's central to the story that they're both ridiculously competitive when it comes to athletics) and while their parents might not care, it would probably be surprising, because it doesn't fit the stereotype of athletes being macho manly men.
Coming out is different for everyone. High schools that aren't private Christian institutions these days can be fairly tolerant. I have a sixteen year old cousin who had no trouble at all coming out to his parents and his entire school. He's a football player.
The experience of coming out absolutely depends on your personal situation. If you live in a welcoming open-minded area and have supportive friends and parents, it doesn't have to be a painful angst-ball. Well, no more than anything related to identity is when you're a teenager.
Do you mean coming out to others, or coming out to oneself? The first one varies according to who you're telling, and how you tell them. (Example, coming out to my mother: lots of crying. Coming out to my dad: he made me get in a closet and then come out.)
The second? While there are some enlightened shits that say things like "I always knew", the rest of us have to stumble along until we figure it out. And it's not easy. And coming to terms with it, and what it all means isn't easy. And the people I've talked to that share this experience with me usually take time to process it. (I took about four months. And even then, I didn't ACT upon it.)
But for the sake of a lighthearted story, I think you can go with something a little more fluffy -- something like your character realizes he's gay and then announces it to people who are all, "yeah, we knew, where have you been?" And the character sulks and pouts, "Why didn't anyone TELL ME?" This works out really well if the story is on the silly side.
I think coming out is something that should be tackled in all forms of entertainment. Some people think that it's not a big deal being gay these days, and for lucky people it isn't. Others don't have it quite so easy
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k, first? This is totally what gives me HIVES about this whole situation. I don't like hearing that anyone is afraid to write stories outside of the 'normal' white, het, middle-class experience for fear of fail or dogpile. Way to shoot our collective self in the foot fandom. Sheesh
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I'm not worried about my ability to be sensitive, I was just wondering what other people thought. I've had people come out to me, and I've had loads of gay/queer friends with whom I could talk about this sort of thing. But I do think I'm privileged in a sense because I never have had to come out to my family, and I've never written a story that involved someone realizing they were gay. I mean, some of my friends had fine experiences, but the majority of them dealt with family bullshit as a result. I don't want to misrepresent coming out as super easy la la when I know perfectly well that it often results in familial tensions. One of my housemates my sophomore year was gay, and his mom's reaction upon finding out was to say "I should have had an abortion". I mean, shit like that does happen, and I'm just kind of thinking in a meta way, is it unfair of me to gloss over it for the sake of fanfic?
OTOH, some writers dwell upon homophobia and family problems to a ridiculous (and boring) extent.
No, I really don't think it's insensitive, because as much as that IS some people's experience, it isn't everyone's experience. And the stories of people who don't have a painful or difficult coming out experience are just as important to tell as the stories of the people who do, whether they're fictional or not.
I would hate to live in a world where coming out is always talked about as something that results in pain and difficulty -- especially since I think that at heart it's a joyful, liberating thing to do for yourself and others. Even coming out at a time when that sort of acceptance was really rare, those stories were extra-valuable, because they helped me know that it was possible to come out into an accepting and loving family, and to imagine and work for a world where that's more common.
So yeah. That's a lot of words to say "Go on with your bad self!"
especially since I think that at heart it's a joyful, liberating thing to do for yourself and others. Even coming out at a time when that sort of acceptance was really rare, those stories were extra-valuable, because they helped me know that it was possible to come out into an accepting and loving family, and to imagine and work for a world where that's more common.
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There are A LOT of experiences with coming out, particularly depending on who you're coming out to, who you've come out to before, the attitudes of the people you are coming out to, etc. I know some people who have had really bad experiences and some people for whom it's been no big deal. :\ It might also be very different based on "I think I am attracted to ____" v. "I am now dating someone who is _____". There is definitely no monolithic experience of coming out, and I think it might be as much of a mistake to assume that it will necessarily be angst-inducing as to assume that it will not be a big deal at all.
/$0.02
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In the context of my specific imaginary fic, the protagonists are both serious jocks (it's central to the story that they're both ridiculously competitive when it comes to athletics) and while their parents might not care, it would probably be surprising, because it doesn't fit the stereotype of athletes being macho manly men.
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The experience of coming out absolutely depends on your personal situation. If you live in a welcoming open-minded area and have supportive friends and parents, it doesn't have to be a painful angst-ball. Well, no more than anything related to identity is when you're a teenager.
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The second? While there are some enlightened shits that say things like "I always knew", the rest of us have to stumble along until we figure it out. And it's not easy. And coming to terms with it, and what it all means isn't easy. And the people I've talked to that share this experience with me usually take time to process it. (I took about four months. And even then, I didn't ACT upon it.)
But for the sake of a lighthearted story, I think you can go with something a little more fluffy -- something like your character realizes he's gay and then announces it to people who are all, "yeah, we knew, where have you been?" And the character sulks and pouts, "Why didn't anyone TELL ME?" This works out really well if the story is on the silly side.
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OTOH, some writers dwell upon homophobia and family problems to a ridiculous (and boring) extent.
Anyway, I'm certainly not afraid, it's ( ... )
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I would hate to live in a world where coming out is always talked about as something that results in pain and difficulty -- especially since I think that at heart it's a joyful, liberating thing to do for yourself and others. Even coming out at a time when that sort of acceptance was really rare, those stories were extra-valuable, because they helped me know that it was possible to come out into an accepting and loving family, and to imagine and work for a world where that's more common.
So yeah. That's a lot of words to say "Go on with your bad self!"
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♥♥♥
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