There With You: Part 6
Title: There With You - PART SIX
Pairing: AJ/Soohyun
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After their ice skating venture, Soohyun and AJ go back to the dorm, feeling a little... confused.
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PART SIX
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Soohyun watched AJ skate away, a blank expression on his face. What… had just happened? Where did AJ go? Something about chocolate, that’s all he really got. He looked up at Ronan with confusion clear in his eyes. “AJ?”
Ronan crouched down on the ice beside Soohyun and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Went to get hot chocolate.” He mimed drinking a cup with his free hand. “Hot chocolate.”
Soohyun nodded in understanding. Then his forehead crinkled down the center again. “Why?”
Turning his face to the side, Ronan mumbled to himself, “Because the idiot can’t see what’s right in front of his face.” Then he turned back to Soohyun, bright smile on his face. He rubbed his hands up and down his arms and shivered. “Cold. Because he’s cold.”
Cold? AJ was cold, that’s why he left? Well, Soohyun was cold too, and having something warm to drink definitely sounded like a good idea. He tugged on Ronan’s sleeve with a pleading expression. “Ronan, Soohyun, go?”
“Yeah of course! Let’s go.” Ronan took the hand tugging on his jacket and used it to hoist Soohyun to his feet, not letting go as he guided them both towards the exit of the rink. He kept holding on as they both hobbled over to a bench, laughing the entire way, then let go so he could help Soohyun out of his skates. The dude was getting confused with all of the laces.
Once they were back in their street shoes and ready to go, Soohyun was still clinging to Ronan’s side, unsure of what to do now that they were back in the throngs of city-goers with no AJ in sight. Ronan patted his head reassuringly and quickly led the way to a small stand just a few yards from the rink’s opening. “AJ!” Ronan yelled, waving his hand in the air to get the other boy’s attention. “AAAAAJ!”
AJ turned around really slowly, hoping that it was someone else’s really embarrassing, evilly plotting friend screaming their name, or that he would melt into the ground before the time Ronan reached him. He fixed a smile on his face and waved back, immediately turning back around and resuming his brooding expression as he waited in line.
“Hmm…” Ronan mumbled to himself. He said to Soohyun, “Soohyun, stay right here, okay? Don’t move. At all. Stay right in this spot. Stay.”
Before Soohyun could answer, he sauntered over to AJ.
AJ glared at him. He wasn’t going to put on a smile for him.
“If you’re planning to get some for all of us, you won’t be able to carry three cups on your own,” Ronan told him.
AJ turned to face the back of the stranger in front of him.
“Assuming you’re getting some for all of us and not just running away,” Ronan added.
Again, before he could stop himself, AJ burst out, “What the hell are you doing, Ronan?”
“Making you jealous,” Ronan answered pleasantly.
“What?”
“And it worked.”
“Wh-What?” AJ knew he was turning red again and hated himself for it.
“Oh yes. I think it worked really well.”
“N-No. What are you talking about?”
“AJ.” Ronan clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s okay for you to like him. It’s really okay. You don’t have to pretend for me.”
“What! I’m-I’m not!”
“Uh huh… Come on, the way you’ve been acting… And even before this, the way you would always have those letters with you… Everyone else thought it was just another of your weird things, but I knew there was something more to it.”
AJ was speechless, no longer even able to stutter.
“But we’ll have to see how he feels, eh?”
Then Ronan whirled away to return to Soohyun, at the same moment that it was AJ’s turn to place his order, meaning he had to somehow tell the person at the counter that he wanted three hot chocolates when really all he wanted was a giant pit he could crawl into.
But, unfortunately, there were no pits readily available and he did have to force himself to act like a semi-coherent individual, grabbing the cups from the lady behind the counter before stalking off to find the other two. Help him carry the drinks? Please, Ronan had just wanted to pester him. And, it had worked. But now he had to perform a balancing act with some steaming hot beverages and he was anything but pleased.
But there was no incident, AJ successfully handing the drinks over to Ronan and Soohyun and carefully sipping on his own as they wandered back down the city streets. Somewhere along the way, he ended up pressed up against Soohyun’s side, Ronan bearing down on him from the opposite direction. Soohyun didn’t seem to mind though, in fact, he couldn’t stop smiling.
Soohyun nursed his hot chocolate as he kept pace at AJ’s side, no longer feeling alone or left out. Today had been a lot of fun, and now his stomach could be happy as well. He had to take a quick sip of hot chocolate when AJ suddenly bumped into his side, hiding his face in the cup so that no one else could see the blush there. When he was back in Korea, he was really going to have to have that checked out. It wasn’t normal. But then the sky was going dark, sun sinking down below the skyline and casting large shadows all along the sidewalk.
The crowds pressed in and Soohyun found himself reaching out, sliding his hand between AJ’s arm and jacket, continuing down to AJ’s wrist until AJ’s hand pulled free and he could thread their fingers together. He saw AJ glance over at him but kept looking resolutely ahead, daring only a quick peek but instantly regretting as soon as he did and nearly stumbled over his own two feet. Had AJ always been so distracting? Yes, Soohyun realized, yes he had. He just hadn’t really had time to look at him, especially not in the fading New York light. He drank down the last of his hot chocolate just to give himself a reason to look away.
And he managed to avoid looking back for the rest of their walk home, even after Ronan had waved goodbye and headed to his own apartment. Soohyun was quite proud of his resolve. But then AJ had unlocked the door to his room and walked quickly inside, stripping off his jacket before checking the clock.
“Oh, wow, it’s later than I thought,” he said, turning to Soohyun. “We should probably shower. It’ll be a good way to warm up anyways.”
Soohyun had just finished taking off his jacket and was now frozen in the doorway. “Shower?” With AJ… in a public bathroom… Soohyun felt his face going red again.
But AJ didn’t seem to be bothered, pacing quickly around the room and gathering all of the needed supplies. He thrust a towel and bag of toiletries into Soohyun’s hands. “That’s right, it’ll help us get warm.”
Except that was the last thing Soohyun needed… Well, it wasn’t like he could say no. He took the offered supplies and followed AJ silently out into the hall. At least there would be a curtain in between them.
AJ was using the shower as an excuse to give himself time to think, but really he wished it would obliterate his thoughts completely. The warm water felt nice at least, once he was in there. Even with the hot chocolate, the skating had chilled him, especially the falling down parts. Like the part where Soohyun had fallen on top of him, and somehow ended up with his face so close to his… And then Soohyun had held his hand the whole way back… And now Soohyun was still close to him, just over in the other stall. Naked.
AJ shoved his head under the spray of water, which only made him cough when it got into his nose. Of course Soohyun was naked. That’s how people were when they took showers, and it was completely normal. But it wasn’t normal to think about them being naked, especially not when they were the same gender as you, and… and wouldn’t feel that way anyway, and…
AJ tried to distract himself but ended up squirting a too-large portion of shampoo in his palm. He worked it into this hair, gritting his teeth. Ronan was wrong. Of course Ronan was wrong. Ronan was just messing with him. Because if Ronan were right… then… what… what would he do then?
Soohyun could hear AJ in the next stall over, every move, every sigh, every splash of water off of his body. His naked body. Soohyun ducked under the spray of water, shaking his head and ruffling his hair in an attempt to make his mind shut up. He shouldn’t be thinking about his friend like that. AJ would freak if he knew. He took a deep breath, telling himself to just shower, get dressed, and go back to the room. The sooner he was out of the situation the better. And if he was back in the room, he could at least have a chance to think about what was happening.
He reached into the bag AJ had given him and pulled out a bottle of shampoo, squeezing some in his hands before rubbing it through his hair. Hearing AJ cough, Soohyun’s fingers dug a little harder into his scalp, rubbing furiously before he once again shoved his face under the spray. He really had to stop this. He grabbed the soap and washed the rest of himself down in a hurry, doing a last twirl beneath the water before shutting it off and pulling his towel down from the door. He ran it over his body, getting most of the moisture, then happened to catch a glimpse of his face in the small, rusted mirror just below the shower head. He frowned at his reflection. When was the last time he had shaved?
Wrapping the towel around his waist and making sure the knot was secure before stepping out, he shuffled quickly over to AJ’s stall, taking a deep breath and holding it before knocking on the door.
"AJ?"
Hearing Soohyun's voice, AJ froze. "Y-Yeah?" he called back. What did Soohyun want? Was he done showering? Was AJ done showering? He ran through the mental list. Had he washed his hair? Wait, that was the part he was doing now. Yes, it was almost rinsed out. Had he washed his body? Yes... Maybe... Yes... This was useless; his whole brain was mush.
"Ummm...." Soohyun paused, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot. "Do you have a razor with you? I-I need to shave."
"Oh, y-yeah. Hold on." AJ turned off the water and then grabbed his towel. He extracted the razor from his bag of toiletries. He should've thought of that. Of course that was something Soohyun wouldn't have been able to bring on his carry-on on the plane. He should've thought of that instead of continuing to waste his energy thinking useless things, like how Soohyun was naked right now, and wet, on the other side, in a towel, like he was. Maybe if he opened the door only a little bit it would be okay. Maybe if he handed it to Soohyun quickly nothing would happen. Or maybe he would turn into a blob and wash down the drain. That was the best option, actually.
Soohyun waited on the other side of the door, listening to AJ rustle around inside. He hoped he wasn't being a problem... "It's fine if you don't have one. I can buy one tomorrow."
"No no, you can borrow mine, it's fine," AJ said quickly, and then, sucking in a breath, opened the door just as quickly.
"Okay, th-" Soohyun's eyes widened, whatever he was planning to say completely forgotten as he stared at the sight in front of him. Which happened to be AJ, or more precisely, AJ's chest. Or even more precisely, AJ's bare chest. It looked really smooth and toned, still wet from the shower. Soohyun bet it would be warm too. He saw his own hand lifting and quickly caught himself, coughing a bit before smiling nervously. "Th-thanks." Since his hand was already floating awkwardly midair, he decided to leave it there for AJ to place the razor in. And as soon as his fingers had closed around the small plastic device, he was gone, shooting back into his own stall and smacking his palm against his forehead. He was an idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot.
AJ closed the stall door and pressed his back against it, willing himself to breathe again. Since when was Soohyun so goddamn hot? Gleaming, soft-looking skin, dripping hair, strong, defined arms… And Soohyun had been staring at him too-no he hadn’t; that was… that was impossible. AJ was making that up, because… because…
He covered his face in his hands. Okay. Next step. Did he need to shave too? No. He needed to shave out his heart.
No, he needed to calm down. He needed to… figure himself out. Because if Ronan were right… and he… just might be… then… then… Then AJ needed to do something about it. Because this was driving him crazy.
Soohyun finished shaving as quickly as possible without cutting himself, running the blade across his cheeks and down his neck, scraping carefully at the space just above his lip. And then he was done. Which meant he should get dressed. Right. He carefully capped the razor and set it beside his borrowed bag of toiletries before unknotting the towel at his waist. Drying off quickly, he tried to take deep, calming breaths and think of anything but his attractive and scantily clad friend who was just a mere inch of plastic wall away. He pulled on his boxers and sleep shorts while shaking his head, rubbing the towel through his hair before flinging it over the door. Then he cursed quietly to himself, realizing he had completely forgotten to bring a shirt. Since when had he been so forgetful? It was getting ridiculous.
With a sigh, he pulled the towel back down and threw it over his head, letting it drape down across his shoulders. At least it was a short walk back to the room. He stepped out of the stall just as AJ was stepping out of his. They locked eyes and heat flew up from Soohyun’s stomach, spreading throughout his entire body before reaching its peak and resolving to a low simmer. AJ continued to stare at him and he crossed his arms over his chest, blushing profusely. “I-um-I forgot a shirt so… yeah.” He cleared his throat, looking anywhere but at AJ’s unwavering stare. “A-Are you done?”
Would Soohyun still stutter and blush if AJ pushed him against the wall, or would the other boy kiss him back? AJ gulped and looked down at his feet. That was something he definitely shouldn’t do, and he shouldn’t think about it either. He took a deep breath. But still, he couldn’t keep fighting himself. He had to accept his feelings, because if he didn’t he would explode. Because it was okay for him to have them, right? Maybe? They weren’t going to stop, in any case. “I’m done,” he answered finally, looking up. “Let’s go back to the room.”
Soohyun nodded slowly, sticking close to AJ's side, trying to cover himself with the towel as best he could. By the time they had reached the room, Soohyun had practically made a makeshift toga-shirt to cover his cooling skin. He heard AJ shut the door and shivered a bit, from the cold or from the sound, he didn't know. Was it normal to feel this way? He had heard of these kinds of things... having these kinds of feelings. But for his friend, for AJ? If he truly felt something, then he knew he couldn't change it. But he also knew he couldn't force AJ to feel the same. The heart wants what the heart wants. And Soohyun knew he didn't have a chance. He had finally, maybe, found someone special. And he knew it could never be. He bowed his head and clenched his fists-could he do nothing right? Even his heart didn't know the right thing to do.
AJ thought he was going to explode, no matter what he did. His heart was beating so fast, it would probably launch itself out of his chest any minute. Even when he wasn’t looking at him, he was so aware of Soohyun’s presence, like he was a blazing sun in the middle of the room, pulling all of AJ’s attention to him. Then he finally did look at Soohyun, and saw how he had attempted to hide himself modestly with his towel. AJ smiled slightly. “Let me hang that up for you,” he said, reaching forward and pulling on it.
Too lost in his thoughts, Soohyun didn't have time to react before the fabric was slipping from his chest, leaving him bare and exposed. Now he was as cold on the outside as he was on the inside. He crossed his arms gently over his body and stared at the floor. Maybe if he didn't move, AJ would forget about him, and he could disappear.
“Sorry, are you cold?” AJ asked. He touched Soohyun’s arm gently, resting his hand against his bare skin.
Soohyun turned his head away, biting his lower lip to keep himself from saying anything too stupid. He settled for nodding, nodding didn't require words.
“Soohyun…” What should he do? Should he get Soohyun a shirt? Should he continue to hold this dumb towel and never go hang it up like he said he would? Should he… take Soohyun in his arms and warm him up that way? He wanted to do that, but… he didn’t want to do anything Soohyun didn’t like. So instead he did go hang up the towel, before turning back to where Soohyun was still standing. “Did you… did you have a good day today?” he asked, his eyes not straying from Soohyun’s face.
Again, Soohyun nodded. He released his lower lip and took a breath. If he acted like this, AJ would worry. "Yeah..." He forced out. "Yeah I did. Ronan's fun."
“Good,” AJ said. “I’m really glad that you two get along, and that he can make you happy.” AJ looked down, exhaling, his dark thoughts from earlier returning. “Since it seems that… I can’t.”
Soohyun's entire being ground to a halt, everything freezing around him. His eyes opened fractionally wider as he stared at a spot across the room. He had done it again. Despite all of his caution, he had done it again. He had made AJ unhappy. He had made AJ feel unneeded. The very feeling he was trying to escape, he had pushed onto his friend. He truly was a terrible person. He clutched his arms tighter to his chest and closed his eyes, grief marring his features. "I'm sorry," he whispered, unable to believe what he had done.
Hearing Soohyun’s soft and heart-breaking whisper, AJ’s head jerked up. “No, Soohyun, no, don’t do that,” he said. “You always do that. You beat yourself up over the things that aren’t your fault. I say one thing wrong, I turn my attention elsewhere for a single moment, and you think that I’m abandoning you, that you’re just being a bother, that you should… hate yourself. That’s what’s been happening the whole trip. I just keep making you sad.” AJ stopped himself. He was being way too harsh and only hurting Soohyun more. To remedy that, he took Soohyun’s hand. “But Soohyun…” he continued. “That’s not how I want it to be. That’s not how I want it to be at all. Soohyun… Can you not see by now how much you mean to me?” It still wasn’t enough. He was saying all these words, but Soohyun couldn’t feel the way AJ truly felt. He couldn’t know. And AJ wanted him to know. He moved his hand to rest on Soohyun’s waist. “How can I prove that to you, Soohyun? Tell me. Please. All I want to do is make you happy. Please.”
Soohyun just bit his lip again, teeth digging into skin, refusing to meet AJ's earnest expression. He couldn't take it, not now, not anymore. He was too selfish. He had asked for friendship, and AJ had given it. He had asked for someone to listen, and AJ had done it. And now, what Soohyun wanted to ask for, he knew AJ couldn't give. He let out a small sigh, eyes drifting towards the floor. "I'm sorry," he murmured again, finally looking up, eyes locking with AJ's. The hand on his waist tightened and he once again dropped his gaze. He couldn't even apologize correctly.
AJ circled his other hand around Soohyun’s waist, drawing him closer. “Don’t apologize, Soohyun,” he whispered. “Don’t…” He closed his eyes. Soohyun was shutting him out again, his pain so deep and so rooted that AJ couldn’t touch it. He didn’t know what to do. He was useless, again, always so useless. He felt like crying, but he forced his tears back because he knew they would only hurt Soohyun more. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. “I’m the one who’s sorry, Soohyun, for not being able to give you enough. And for… And for…” He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t. “And for this.”
He leaned in and very gently met Soohyun’s lips with his own.
Soohyun’s eyes widened, shooting forward along with his hands which gripped the fabric of AJ’s shirt. At first, he thought he should push him away, that it couldn’t be right, but then AJ had begun to pull away and it was all he could do to get him back. His hands tightened around AJ and pulled him forward, eyes closing as their lips met again, mouths pressing together slowly, purposefully. It was… everything.
AJ hadn’t known how Soohyun would react. If he’d been thinking at all he would never have done it. But now it was happening, and it felt so good-he hadn’t known it would feel this good. Or that Soohyun would kiss him back, would even pull him closer so that he wouldn’t stop. And he wasn’t going to stop. He was on fire, burning in every particle of his being. His hands stroked up the smooth skin of Soohyun’s back before settling around his waist again to pull him even tighter against him. Everything was new. He was learning Soohyun all over again. Everything was different. But also it was… right. Perfectly right.
Soohyun shuddered slightly as AJ's hands skimmed along his back, settling at his hips and pulling him close. Every part of him was hyper aware, AJ’s mouth on his, the fabric of AJ’s shirt brushing against his skin, AJ’s thumbs rubbing small circles at his waist. Then, AJ tilted his head, lips pressing against Soohyun's lower lip before pulling back and covering his mouth, changing the angle so that they were pressed more fully together. Soohyun groaned softly at the sensation, hands gripping onto AJ's back for support. Was it even possible, this feeling? He panted, squeezing his eyes shut before forcing them open again. Was it possible, for them to be like this? Gripping onto AJ’s shirt, he pulled them apart, lips still only centimeters away, eyes glazed as they stared at each other. Soohyun swallowed weakly before breathing out all of his hopes and fears. “AJ…”
“You’re not alone, Soohyun,” AJ whispered. He put his hands on Soohyun’s cheeks. “And you won’t be, ever again.” Then he guided Soohyun’s face back to his, closing the small distance between them. He didn’t want to be apart, didn’t want to let go, not since they had just found each other. And this time, he dared to go a little further, pressing his tongue against Soohyun’s bottom lip, asking, and being accepted, pushing into Soohyun’s mouth and exploring everything that was offered. And when Soohyun’s tongue tentatively brushed against his own, AJ discovered what it truly meant to be accepted. AJ’s hands slid down Soohyun’s back again to grasp at his hips. He wanted Soohyun even closer, as close as he could get. And he was never letting go.
AJ’s tongue was in his mouth, tracing over his teeth, his lips, everything. And Soohyun gave him everything, wanted to give him more. He met AJ’s tongue with his own, warm muscles sliding together, exploring together, tasting each other and learning everything that they could. But Soohyun wanted more, and with AJ, he dared to be selfish, pressing back into AJ’s mouth to feel his own way, to memorize everything about him. He lifted one arm, placing a hand at AJ’s cheek, pushing him forward with steady strokes along his jaw while his other hand skimmed just beneath the hem of AJ’s shirt. Sliding further up, he pressed his palm against AJ’s back, smoothing up and down his spine, making fabric bunch just below AJ’s arms.
Now that some of his bare skin was against Soohyun’s, AJ knew he wanted more. He broke away from Soohyun, who whimpered as he did so, and then quickly stripped off his shirt the rest of the way, dropping it thoughtlessly to the floor before grabbing Soohyun again. He pressed them together, skin against skin, heat against heat. Everything was Soohyun; even the heartbeat in his ears could be his. Everything was Soohyun and it would never end.
AJ’s skin met his and Soohyun felt heat surge through his body, their stomachs brushed and his eyes fluttered open. AJ’s hands gripped his hips and pulled him closer, one hand sliding up his back, forcing their chests together. Soohyun’s knees buckled and he fell into AJ’s arms, clinging weakly to the man in front of him as his mouth was devoured. He moaned against AJ’s lips as his back hit the wall, now supported between two solid planes, one cold and one warm. He pushed himself closer to AJ’s enveloping heat, humming in the back of his throat as AJ’s lips wandered from the corner of his mouth down to his chin, tracing up his jaw. He groaned, head hitting the wall, as AJ found purchase just below his ear, kissing gently before trailing down his neck, biting at his collarbone. Everywhere AJ touched felt like it was on fire.
The fingers of one of his hands threaded into AJ’s hair, holding him in place as he traced paths across his skin, his back arching to give him more room, baring more of himself for AJ to take. His other hand was splayed in the small of AJ’s back, pressing them tight together and working with the hand AJ had in the center of his own back. He wanted, he needed… He groaned AJ’s name as something wet flicked just beneath his jaw. His vision went blurry and his grip tightened in AJ’s hair.
Lingering in the back of AJ’s mind was the fear that maybe Soohyun didn’t like this as much as he did, that sooner or later he would push him away. But, hearing Soohyun moan his name, and like that… The thought disappeared. He continued down Soohyun’s neck, tracing his Adam’s apple with his tongue before trailing kisses over the exposed skin. He wanted to explore all of Soohyun, taste every inch of him, touch every part of him that would drive him so wild he had to push himself against AJ desperately, like he was now. And AJ definitely wanted more of the one part of Soohyun which was definitely pressing against him. He wanted Soohyun’s everything. He wanted to give him everything. He wanted to finally be enough-more than enough. He wanted to make Soohyun as happy as he possibly could. He wanted to show him, once and for all, that he was never going to leave his side. He would get Soohyun on the bed-carry him even, maybe-and then he’d get the rest of their clothes off, and feel all of the smooth skin of Soohyun’s body against his own, and then…
In his back pocket, like a strange, vibrating creature from another planet, AJ’s cell phone rang.
At first he tried to ignore it, but the buzzing was very persistent. And distracting. So he pulled himself away from Soohyun with a long drawn-out sigh and took it out. “Uh, it’s Ronan,” he said, glancing up at the breathless figure of Soohyun leaning against the wall. “I should, uh, probably answer.”
Soohyun swallowed, then nodded slowly, still too out of breath to speak.
AJ cleared his throat a few times before touching the appropriate button on his phone. “Hey Ronan, what’s up?” he said out loud, saying instead in his head, Screw you and your bad timing, Ronan. Your evil plan was finally working, but now it’s failing, idiot.
“Wanna go to a bar?” Ronan asked.
AJ nearly smacked his forehead. “Uh, no, we’re tired and are just going to stay in tonight,” he said. He looked at Soohyun as he said it, hoping that Soohyun would understand enough to know that he really, really wanted to get back to what they’d been doing.
“Aww, really?” Ronan said. “That’s too bad, ‘cause I’m almost at your door.”
“What?” AJ exclaimed.
“Yep, here I am now.”
There was a knock on the door and AJ froze.
Soohyun froze as well, hearing Ronan’s name and then the knock on the door, AJ’s expression… it could only mean one thing. AJ began to turn away but Soohyun quickly grabbed him back, one hand curling around AJ’s bicep while the other lifted to AJ’s face, fingers resting just below the jaw line as he smoothed his thumb across AJ’s lips. There. That was better. He spun AJ around and pushed him towards the door just as Ronan was walking through, a bright smile on his face.
AJ was not able to return Ronan’s smile because he was no longer able to think. He needed to continue having Soohyun do his thinking for him, apparently, because the other boy had acted quickly to wipe away the evidence of what they’d been doing, whereas AJ had gotten lost in the sensation of Soohyun’s hands on his skin again. It had felt so good, to lose his awareness of himself, just let his body and his heart take over. He wanted to get back to that state, as soon as possible. But now he had to wake up, because Ronan really was in the room, and was staring at him with his eyebrows raised, and AJ realized why: he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and neither was Soohyun, not to mention the state of their hair. “We, uh, just got out of the shower,” AJ managed.
“Uh huh…” said Ronan, stepping back. “Maybe I’ll let you get back to that…”
“No no no, wait!” AJ exclaimed, before he knew what he was doing. Now it sounded like he wanted an excuse not to be alone with Soohyun. But he didn’t want to be rude to Ronan either. He glanced to Soohyun, hoping he would understand.
And Soohyun did understand, smiling softly at AJ before stepping away from the wall and turning towards Ronan. "Staying?"
“Uh, if you two really want, I can stay,” Ronan said, eyes moving between the two of them, as a smile tugged up his lips.
“Yeah, you can stay,” AJ said. He located his rumpled shirt on the floor and put it back on. Yep, not suspicious at all. But judging by the amused way Ronan was looking at him, he already knew everything anyway. “But I don’t really want to go out,” he said.
“Fine then.” Ronan sighed, eying Soohyun as he bent over his duffel bag and selected a shirt for himself. “I guess I don’t blame you. Then… we could watch a movie or something?”
Soohyun understood that. “Movie?” he repeated. He pointed to the door. “Go to movie?”
“On the computer,” AJ said, pointing to his laptop on his desk. He really hoped that’s what Ronan had meant.
“We could even watch one in Korean, I don’t care,” Ronan said. “As long as there are subtitles for poor old me.”
“I know!” AJ grinned. “We’ll watch some episodes of a Korean drama.”
“And what are those exactly?” Ronan asked.
Soohyun, now fully clothed, patted Ronan on the back. “Drama,” he said. “Ronan like.”
“Ah god. Okay.”
They got set up, sitting propped up against pillows on the air mattress with the computer on a pile of stacked text books in front of them. AJ found a funny one with subtitles he thought Ronan would enjoy, and Ronan did, laughing a lot, along with Soohyun. After a while Soohyun leaned his head against AJ’s shoulder. AJ tensed, feeling himself blush, but Ronan barely glanced in their direction. He reached down and gave Soohyun’s hand a quick squeeze before releasing him. If Ronan had it all figured out anyway he didn’t need to be embarrassed.
Soohyun stopped laughing not long after, and AJ looked down and saw why. He had fallen asleep snuggled up against him. This time Ronan did look over, raising his eyebrows again. AJ blushed for the billionth time. Okay, even if Ronan did know it would take some getting used to. But he put his arm around Soohyun anyway.
After the episode ended, Ronan stood up, stretching. “Okay,” he whispered. “You two have a good night. And a good morning,” he added, smirking.
“Ronan…” AJ grumbled.
“Mmm, my timing was a little off today, eh?”
“Uh… yeah,” AJ answered, looking away.
“Sorry. You could’ve kicked me out.”
“No, it’s fine.” He looked down at Soohyun’s sleeping face. “He likes spending time with you too.”
“Well, good. Because I’m planning on taking him from you tomorrow.”
“What?”
“There’s some places I want to take him. Besides, it’ll give you some time to get things ready.”
“R-ready?” AJ repeated. Then his eyes went wide and he looked down, blushing brighter than all the other times combined. “Oh.”
“Mmmhmm…”
AJ knew Ronan must be smiling smugly to himself, but he didn’t dare look up yet.
“Plus you can work on that paper Becca was harassing you about earlier,” Ronan added.
“Ah, yeah. When are you going to write it?”
“All day the day before, of course. It’s tradition.”
AJ rolled his eyes. “Okay Ronan…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be good to him,” Ronan said, gesturing to Soohyun. Then he smirked. “Though not as good as you’ll be…”
“Okay, Ronan, okay. You can go now.”
“I will,” he said, going to the door. “Goodnight!” he called in a singsong voice before shutting it.
AJ looked at Soohyun, who was still very asleep. He could leave him here on the air mattress while he slept on the bed… but why would he do that? Even the other night Soohyun hadn’t wanted to sleep alone. And AJ didn’t want to either.
Very carefully, he moved Soohyun from his shoulder and slowly laid him down on his side on the mattress. Kneeling over him, he considered trying to lift him onto the bed, but now it seemed like too much trouble. Though it seemed a little silly to have two places to sleep but only use the spare, they would be comfortable enough where they were.
He tossed some of the extra pillows back onto the bed before pulling the blankets over the both of them and settling down next to Soohyun. He curled up against him, smiling as he watched the other boy’s chest rise and fall. He’d finally made Soohyun feel happy and secure. He hadn’t known it would take all this, but now he wouldn’t have it any other way. Then he closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.
Pairing: AJ/Soohyun
Rating: PG-13
Summary: After their ice skating venture, Soohyun and AJ go back to the dorm, feeling a little... confused.
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PART SIX
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Soohyun watched AJ skate away, a blank expression on his face. What… had just happened? Where did AJ go? Something about chocolate, that’s all he really got. He looked up at Ronan with confusion clear in his eyes. “AJ?”
Ronan crouched down on the ice beside Soohyun and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Went to get hot chocolate.” He mimed drinking a cup with his free hand. “Hot chocolate.”
Soohyun nodded in understanding. Then his forehead crinkled down the center again. “Why?”
Turning his face to the side, Ronan mumbled to himself, “Because the idiot can’t see what’s right in front of his face.” Then he turned back to Soohyun, bright smile on his face. He rubbed his hands up and down his arms and shivered. “Cold. Because he’s cold.”
Cold? AJ was cold, that’s why he left? Well, Soohyun was cold too, and having something warm to drink definitely sounded like a good idea. He tugged on Ronan’s sleeve with a pleading expression. “Ronan, Soohyun, go?”
“Yeah of course! Let’s go.” Ronan took the hand tugging on his jacket and used it to hoist Soohyun to his feet, not letting go as he guided them both towards the exit of the rink. He kept holding on as they both hobbled over to a bench, laughing the entire way, then let go so he could help Soohyun out of his skates. The dude was getting confused with all of the laces.
Once they were back in their street shoes and ready to go, Soohyun was still clinging to Ronan’s side, unsure of what to do now that they were back in the throngs of city-goers with no AJ in sight. Ronan patted his head reassuringly and quickly led the way to a small stand just a few yards from the rink’s opening. “AJ!” Ronan yelled, waving his hand in the air to get the other boy’s attention. “AAAAAJ!”
AJ turned around really slowly, hoping that it was someone else’s really embarrassing, evilly plotting friend screaming their name, or that he would melt into the ground before the time Ronan reached him. He fixed a smile on his face and waved back, immediately turning back around and resuming his brooding expression as he waited in line.
“Hmm…” Ronan mumbled to himself. He said to Soohyun, “Soohyun, stay right here, okay? Don’t move. At all. Stay right in this spot. Stay.”
Before Soohyun could answer, he sauntered over to AJ.
AJ glared at him. He wasn’t going to put on a smile for him.
“If you’re planning to get some for all of us, you won’t be able to carry three cups on your own,” Ronan told him.
AJ turned to face the back of the stranger in front of him.
“Assuming you’re getting some for all of us and not just running away,” Ronan added.
Again, before he could stop himself, AJ burst out, “What the hell are you doing, Ronan?”
“Making you jealous,” Ronan answered pleasantly.
“What?”
“And it worked.”
“Wh-What?” AJ knew he was turning red again and hated himself for it.
“Oh yes. I think it worked really well.”
“N-No. What are you talking about?”
“AJ.” Ronan clapped him on the shoulder. “It’s okay for you to like him. It’s really okay. You don’t have to pretend for me.”
“What! I’m-I’m not!”
“Uh huh… Come on, the way you’ve been acting… And even before this, the way you would always have those letters with you… Everyone else thought it was just another of your weird things, but I knew there was something more to it.”
AJ was speechless, no longer even able to stutter.
“But we’ll have to see how he feels, eh?”
Then Ronan whirled away to return to Soohyun, at the same moment that it was AJ’s turn to place his order, meaning he had to somehow tell the person at the counter that he wanted three hot chocolates when really all he wanted was a giant pit he could crawl into.
But, unfortunately, there were no pits readily available and he did have to force himself to act like a semi-coherent individual, grabbing the cups from the lady behind the counter before stalking off to find the other two. Help him carry the drinks? Please, Ronan had just wanted to pester him. And, it had worked. But now he had to perform a balancing act with some steaming hot beverages and he was anything but pleased.
But there was no incident, AJ successfully handing the drinks over to Ronan and Soohyun and carefully sipping on his own as they wandered back down the city streets. Somewhere along the way, he ended up pressed up against Soohyun’s side, Ronan bearing down on him from the opposite direction. Soohyun didn’t seem to mind though, in fact, he couldn’t stop smiling.
Soohyun nursed his hot chocolate as he kept pace at AJ’s side, no longer feeling alone or left out. Today had been a lot of fun, and now his stomach could be happy as well. He had to take a quick sip of hot chocolate when AJ suddenly bumped into his side, hiding his face in the cup so that no one else could see the blush there. When he was back in Korea, he was really going to have to have that checked out. It wasn’t normal. But then the sky was going dark, sun sinking down below the skyline and casting large shadows all along the sidewalk.
The crowds pressed in and Soohyun found himself reaching out, sliding his hand between AJ’s arm and jacket, continuing down to AJ’s wrist until AJ’s hand pulled free and he could thread their fingers together. He saw AJ glance over at him but kept looking resolutely ahead, daring only a quick peek but instantly regretting as soon as he did and nearly stumbled over his own two feet. Had AJ always been so distracting? Yes, Soohyun realized, yes he had. He just hadn’t really had time to look at him, especially not in the fading New York light. He drank down the last of his hot chocolate just to give himself a reason to look away.
And he managed to avoid looking back for the rest of their walk home, even after Ronan had waved goodbye and headed to his own apartment. Soohyun was quite proud of his resolve. But then AJ had unlocked the door to his room and walked quickly inside, stripping off his jacket before checking the clock.
“Oh, wow, it’s later than I thought,” he said, turning to Soohyun. “We should probably shower. It’ll be a good way to warm up anyways.”
Soohyun had just finished taking off his jacket and was now frozen in the doorway. “Shower?” With AJ… in a public bathroom… Soohyun felt his face going red again.
But AJ didn’t seem to be bothered, pacing quickly around the room and gathering all of the needed supplies. He thrust a towel and bag of toiletries into Soohyun’s hands. “That’s right, it’ll help us get warm.”
Except that was the last thing Soohyun needed… Well, it wasn’t like he could say no. He took the offered supplies and followed AJ silently out into the hall. At least there would be a curtain in between them.
AJ was using the shower as an excuse to give himself time to think, but really he wished it would obliterate his thoughts completely. The warm water felt nice at least, once he was in there. Even with the hot chocolate, the skating had chilled him, especially the falling down parts. Like the part where Soohyun had fallen on top of him, and somehow ended up with his face so close to his… And then Soohyun had held his hand the whole way back… And now Soohyun was still close to him, just over in the other stall. Naked.
AJ shoved his head under the spray of water, which only made him cough when it got into his nose. Of course Soohyun was naked. That’s how people were when they took showers, and it was completely normal. But it wasn’t normal to think about them being naked, especially not when they were the same gender as you, and… and wouldn’t feel that way anyway, and…
AJ tried to distract himself but ended up squirting a too-large portion of shampoo in his palm. He worked it into this hair, gritting his teeth. Ronan was wrong. Of course Ronan was wrong. Ronan was just messing with him. Because if Ronan were right… then… what… what would he do then?
Soohyun could hear AJ in the next stall over, every move, every sigh, every splash of water off of his body. His naked body. Soohyun ducked under the spray of water, shaking his head and ruffling his hair in an attempt to make his mind shut up. He shouldn’t be thinking about his friend like that. AJ would freak if he knew. He took a deep breath, telling himself to just shower, get dressed, and go back to the room. The sooner he was out of the situation the better. And if he was back in the room, he could at least have a chance to think about what was happening.
He reached into the bag AJ had given him and pulled out a bottle of shampoo, squeezing some in his hands before rubbing it through his hair. Hearing AJ cough, Soohyun’s fingers dug a little harder into his scalp, rubbing furiously before he once again shoved his face under the spray. He really had to stop this. He grabbed the soap and washed the rest of himself down in a hurry, doing a last twirl beneath the water before shutting it off and pulling his towel down from the door. He ran it over his body, getting most of the moisture, then happened to catch a glimpse of his face in the small, rusted mirror just below the shower head. He frowned at his reflection. When was the last time he had shaved?
Wrapping the towel around his waist and making sure the knot was secure before stepping out, he shuffled quickly over to AJ’s stall, taking a deep breath and holding it before knocking on the door.
"AJ?"
Hearing Soohyun's voice, AJ froze. "Y-Yeah?" he called back. What did Soohyun want? Was he done showering? Was AJ done showering? He ran through the mental list. Had he washed his hair? Wait, that was the part he was doing now. Yes, it was almost rinsed out. Had he washed his body? Yes... Maybe... Yes... This was useless; his whole brain was mush.
"Ummm...." Soohyun paused, shifting his weight nervously from foot to foot. "Do you have a razor with you? I-I need to shave."
"Oh, y-yeah. Hold on." AJ turned off the water and then grabbed his towel. He extracted the razor from his bag of toiletries. He should've thought of that. Of course that was something Soohyun wouldn't have been able to bring on his carry-on on the plane. He should've thought of that instead of continuing to waste his energy thinking useless things, like how Soohyun was naked right now, and wet, on the other side, in a towel, like he was. Maybe if he opened the door only a little bit it would be okay. Maybe if he handed it to Soohyun quickly nothing would happen. Or maybe he would turn into a blob and wash down the drain. That was the best option, actually.
Soohyun waited on the other side of the door, listening to AJ rustle around inside. He hoped he wasn't being a problem... "It's fine if you don't have one. I can buy one tomorrow."
"No no, you can borrow mine, it's fine," AJ said quickly, and then, sucking in a breath, opened the door just as quickly.
"Okay, th-" Soohyun's eyes widened, whatever he was planning to say completely forgotten as he stared at the sight in front of him. Which happened to be AJ, or more precisely, AJ's chest. Or even more precisely, AJ's bare chest. It looked really smooth and toned, still wet from the shower. Soohyun bet it would be warm too. He saw his own hand lifting and quickly caught himself, coughing a bit before smiling nervously. "Th-thanks." Since his hand was already floating awkwardly midair, he decided to leave it there for AJ to place the razor in. And as soon as his fingers had closed around the small plastic device, he was gone, shooting back into his own stall and smacking his palm against his forehead. He was an idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot.
AJ closed the stall door and pressed his back against it, willing himself to breathe again. Since when was Soohyun so goddamn hot? Gleaming, soft-looking skin, dripping hair, strong, defined arms… And Soohyun had been staring at him too-no he hadn’t; that was… that was impossible. AJ was making that up, because… because…
He covered his face in his hands. Okay. Next step. Did he need to shave too? No. He needed to shave out his heart.
No, he needed to calm down. He needed to… figure himself out. Because if Ronan were right… and he… just might be… then… then… Then AJ needed to do something about it. Because this was driving him crazy.
Soohyun finished shaving as quickly as possible without cutting himself, running the blade across his cheeks and down his neck, scraping carefully at the space just above his lip. And then he was done. Which meant he should get dressed. Right. He carefully capped the razor and set it beside his borrowed bag of toiletries before unknotting the towel at his waist. Drying off quickly, he tried to take deep, calming breaths and think of anything but his attractive and scantily clad friend who was just a mere inch of plastic wall away. He pulled on his boxers and sleep shorts while shaking his head, rubbing the towel through his hair before flinging it over the door. Then he cursed quietly to himself, realizing he had completely forgotten to bring a shirt. Since when had he been so forgetful? It was getting ridiculous.
With a sigh, he pulled the towel back down and threw it over his head, letting it drape down across his shoulders. At least it was a short walk back to the room. He stepped out of the stall just as AJ was stepping out of his. They locked eyes and heat flew up from Soohyun’s stomach, spreading throughout his entire body before reaching its peak and resolving to a low simmer. AJ continued to stare at him and he crossed his arms over his chest, blushing profusely. “I-um-I forgot a shirt so… yeah.” He cleared his throat, looking anywhere but at AJ’s unwavering stare. “A-Are you done?”
Would Soohyun still stutter and blush if AJ pushed him against the wall, or would the other boy kiss him back? AJ gulped and looked down at his feet. That was something he definitely shouldn’t do, and he shouldn’t think about it either. He took a deep breath. But still, he couldn’t keep fighting himself. He had to accept his feelings, because if he didn’t he would explode. Because it was okay for him to have them, right? Maybe? They weren’t going to stop, in any case. “I’m done,” he answered finally, looking up. “Let’s go back to the room.”
Soohyun nodded slowly, sticking close to AJ's side, trying to cover himself with the towel as best he could. By the time they had reached the room, Soohyun had practically made a makeshift toga-shirt to cover his cooling skin. He heard AJ shut the door and shivered a bit, from the cold or from the sound, he didn't know. Was it normal to feel this way? He had heard of these kinds of things... having these kinds of feelings. But for his friend, for AJ? If he truly felt something, then he knew he couldn't change it. But he also knew he couldn't force AJ to feel the same. The heart wants what the heart wants. And Soohyun knew he didn't have a chance. He had finally, maybe, found someone special. And he knew it could never be. He bowed his head and clenched his fists-could he do nothing right? Even his heart didn't know the right thing to do.
AJ thought he was going to explode, no matter what he did. His heart was beating so fast, it would probably launch itself out of his chest any minute. Even when he wasn’t looking at him, he was so aware of Soohyun’s presence, like he was a blazing sun in the middle of the room, pulling all of AJ’s attention to him. Then he finally did look at Soohyun, and saw how he had attempted to hide himself modestly with his towel. AJ smiled slightly. “Let me hang that up for you,” he said, reaching forward and pulling on it.
Too lost in his thoughts, Soohyun didn't have time to react before the fabric was slipping from his chest, leaving him bare and exposed. Now he was as cold on the outside as he was on the inside. He crossed his arms gently over his body and stared at the floor. Maybe if he didn't move, AJ would forget about him, and he could disappear.
“Sorry, are you cold?” AJ asked. He touched Soohyun’s arm gently, resting his hand against his bare skin.
Soohyun turned his head away, biting his lower lip to keep himself from saying anything too stupid. He settled for nodding, nodding didn't require words.
“Soohyun…” What should he do? Should he get Soohyun a shirt? Should he continue to hold this dumb towel and never go hang it up like he said he would? Should he… take Soohyun in his arms and warm him up that way? He wanted to do that, but… he didn’t want to do anything Soohyun didn’t like. So instead he did go hang up the towel, before turning back to where Soohyun was still standing. “Did you… did you have a good day today?” he asked, his eyes not straying from Soohyun’s face.
Again, Soohyun nodded. He released his lower lip and took a breath. If he acted like this, AJ would worry. "Yeah..." He forced out. "Yeah I did. Ronan's fun."
“Good,” AJ said. “I’m really glad that you two get along, and that he can make you happy.” AJ looked down, exhaling, his dark thoughts from earlier returning. “Since it seems that… I can’t.”
Soohyun's entire being ground to a halt, everything freezing around him. His eyes opened fractionally wider as he stared at a spot across the room. He had done it again. Despite all of his caution, he had done it again. He had made AJ unhappy. He had made AJ feel unneeded. The very feeling he was trying to escape, he had pushed onto his friend. He truly was a terrible person. He clutched his arms tighter to his chest and closed his eyes, grief marring his features. "I'm sorry," he whispered, unable to believe what he had done.
Hearing Soohyun’s soft and heart-breaking whisper, AJ’s head jerked up. “No, Soohyun, no, don’t do that,” he said. “You always do that. You beat yourself up over the things that aren’t your fault. I say one thing wrong, I turn my attention elsewhere for a single moment, and you think that I’m abandoning you, that you’re just being a bother, that you should… hate yourself. That’s what’s been happening the whole trip. I just keep making you sad.” AJ stopped himself. He was being way too harsh and only hurting Soohyun more. To remedy that, he took Soohyun’s hand. “But Soohyun…” he continued. “That’s not how I want it to be. That’s not how I want it to be at all. Soohyun… Can you not see by now how much you mean to me?” It still wasn’t enough. He was saying all these words, but Soohyun couldn’t feel the way AJ truly felt. He couldn’t know. And AJ wanted him to know. He moved his hand to rest on Soohyun’s waist. “How can I prove that to you, Soohyun? Tell me. Please. All I want to do is make you happy. Please.”
Soohyun just bit his lip again, teeth digging into skin, refusing to meet AJ's earnest expression. He couldn't take it, not now, not anymore. He was too selfish. He had asked for friendship, and AJ had given it. He had asked for someone to listen, and AJ had done it. And now, what Soohyun wanted to ask for, he knew AJ couldn't give. He let out a small sigh, eyes drifting towards the floor. "I'm sorry," he murmured again, finally looking up, eyes locking with AJ's. The hand on his waist tightened and he once again dropped his gaze. He couldn't even apologize correctly.
AJ circled his other hand around Soohyun’s waist, drawing him closer. “Don’t apologize, Soohyun,” he whispered. “Don’t…” He closed his eyes. Soohyun was shutting him out again, his pain so deep and so rooted that AJ couldn’t touch it. He didn’t know what to do. He was useless, again, always so useless. He felt like crying, but he forced his tears back because he knew they would only hurt Soohyun more. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. “I’m the one who’s sorry, Soohyun, for not being able to give you enough. And for… And for…” He couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t. “And for this.”
He leaned in and very gently met Soohyun’s lips with his own.
Soohyun’s eyes widened, shooting forward along with his hands which gripped the fabric of AJ’s shirt. At first, he thought he should push him away, that it couldn’t be right, but then AJ had begun to pull away and it was all he could do to get him back. His hands tightened around AJ and pulled him forward, eyes closing as their lips met again, mouths pressing together slowly, purposefully. It was… everything.
AJ hadn’t known how Soohyun would react. If he’d been thinking at all he would never have done it. But now it was happening, and it felt so good-he hadn’t known it would feel this good. Or that Soohyun would kiss him back, would even pull him closer so that he wouldn’t stop. And he wasn’t going to stop. He was on fire, burning in every particle of his being. His hands stroked up the smooth skin of Soohyun’s back before settling around his waist again to pull him even tighter against him. Everything was new. He was learning Soohyun all over again. Everything was different. But also it was… right. Perfectly right.
Soohyun shuddered slightly as AJ's hands skimmed along his back, settling at his hips and pulling him close. Every part of him was hyper aware, AJ’s mouth on his, the fabric of AJ’s shirt brushing against his skin, AJ’s thumbs rubbing small circles at his waist. Then, AJ tilted his head, lips pressing against Soohyun's lower lip before pulling back and covering his mouth, changing the angle so that they were pressed more fully together. Soohyun groaned softly at the sensation, hands gripping onto AJ's back for support. Was it even possible, this feeling? He panted, squeezing his eyes shut before forcing them open again. Was it possible, for them to be like this? Gripping onto AJ’s shirt, he pulled them apart, lips still only centimeters away, eyes glazed as they stared at each other. Soohyun swallowed weakly before breathing out all of his hopes and fears. “AJ…”
“You’re not alone, Soohyun,” AJ whispered. He put his hands on Soohyun’s cheeks. “And you won’t be, ever again.” Then he guided Soohyun’s face back to his, closing the small distance between them. He didn’t want to be apart, didn’t want to let go, not since they had just found each other. And this time, he dared to go a little further, pressing his tongue against Soohyun’s bottom lip, asking, and being accepted, pushing into Soohyun’s mouth and exploring everything that was offered. And when Soohyun’s tongue tentatively brushed against his own, AJ discovered what it truly meant to be accepted. AJ’s hands slid down Soohyun’s back again to grasp at his hips. He wanted Soohyun even closer, as close as he could get. And he was never letting go.
AJ’s tongue was in his mouth, tracing over his teeth, his lips, everything. And Soohyun gave him everything, wanted to give him more. He met AJ’s tongue with his own, warm muscles sliding together, exploring together, tasting each other and learning everything that they could. But Soohyun wanted more, and with AJ, he dared to be selfish, pressing back into AJ’s mouth to feel his own way, to memorize everything about him. He lifted one arm, placing a hand at AJ’s cheek, pushing him forward with steady strokes along his jaw while his other hand skimmed just beneath the hem of AJ’s shirt. Sliding further up, he pressed his palm against AJ’s back, smoothing up and down his spine, making fabric bunch just below AJ’s arms.
Now that some of his bare skin was against Soohyun’s, AJ knew he wanted more. He broke away from Soohyun, who whimpered as he did so, and then quickly stripped off his shirt the rest of the way, dropping it thoughtlessly to the floor before grabbing Soohyun again. He pressed them together, skin against skin, heat against heat. Everything was Soohyun; even the heartbeat in his ears could be his. Everything was Soohyun and it would never end.
AJ’s skin met his and Soohyun felt heat surge through his body, their stomachs brushed and his eyes fluttered open. AJ’s hands gripped his hips and pulled him closer, one hand sliding up his back, forcing their chests together. Soohyun’s knees buckled and he fell into AJ’s arms, clinging weakly to the man in front of him as his mouth was devoured. He moaned against AJ’s lips as his back hit the wall, now supported between two solid planes, one cold and one warm. He pushed himself closer to AJ’s enveloping heat, humming in the back of his throat as AJ’s lips wandered from the corner of his mouth down to his chin, tracing up his jaw. He groaned, head hitting the wall, as AJ found purchase just below his ear, kissing gently before trailing down his neck, biting at his collarbone. Everywhere AJ touched felt like it was on fire.
The fingers of one of his hands threaded into AJ’s hair, holding him in place as he traced paths across his skin, his back arching to give him more room, baring more of himself for AJ to take. His other hand was splayed in the small of AJ’s back, pressing them tight together and working with the hand AJ had in the center of his own back. He wanted, he needed… He groaned AJ’s name as something wet flicked just beneath his jaw. His vision went blurry and his grip tightened in AJ’s hair.
Lingering in the back of AJ’s mind was the fear that maybe Soohyun didn’t like this as much as he did, that sooner or later he would push him away. But, hearing Soohyun moan his name, and like that… The thought disappeared. He continued down Soohyun’s neck, tracing his Adam’s apple with his tongue before trailing kisses over the exposed skin. He wanted to explore all of Soohyun, taste every inch of him, touch every part of him that would drive him so wild he had to push himself against AJ desperately, like he was now. And AJ definitely wanted more of the one part of Soohyun which was definitely pressing against him. He wanted Soohyun’s everything. He wanted to give him everything. He wanted to finally be enough-more than enough. He wanted to make Soohyun as happy as he possibly could. He wanted to show him, once and for all, that he was never going to leave his side. He would get Soohyun on the bed-carry him even, maybe-and then he’d get the rest of their clothes off, and feel all of the smooth skin of Soohyun’s body against his own, and then…
In his back pocket, like a strange, vibrating creature from another planet, AJ’s cell phone rang.
At first he tried to ignore it, but the buzzing was very persistent. And distracting. So he pulled himself away from Soohyun with a long drawn-out sigh and took it out. “Uh, it’s Ronan,” he said, glancing up at the breathless figure of Soohyun leaning against the wall. “I should, uh, probably answer.”
Soohyun swallowed, then nodded slowly, still too out of breath to speak.
AJ cleared his throat a few times before touching the appropriate button on his phone. “Hey Ronan, what’s up?” he said out loud, saying instead in his head, Screw you and your bad timing, Ronan. Your evil plan was finally working, but now it’s failing, idiot.
“Wanna go to a bar?” Ronan asked.
AJ nearly smacked his forehead. “Uh, no, we’re tired and are just going to stay in tonight,” he said. He looked at Soohyun as he said it, hoping that Soohyun would understand enough to know that he really, really wanted to get back to what they’d been doing.
“Aww, really?” Ronan said. “That’s too bad, ‘cause I’m almost at your door.”
“What?” AJ exclaimed.
“Yep, here I am now.”
There was a knock on the door and AJ froze.
Soohyun froze as well, hearing Ronan’s name and then the knock on the door, AJ’s expression… it could only mean one thing. AJ began to turn away but Soohyun quickly grabbed him back, one hand curling around AJ’s bicep while the other lifted to AJ’s face, fingers resting just below the jaw line as he smoothed his thumb across AJ’s lips. There. That was better. He spun AJ around and pushed him towards the door just as Ronan was walking through, a bright smile on his face.
AJ was not able to return Ronan’s smile because he was no longer able to think. He needed to continue having Soohyun do his thinking for him, apparently, because the other boy had acted quickly to wipe away the evidence of what they’d been doing, whereas AJ had gotten lost in the sensation of Soohyun’s hands on his skin again. It had felt so good, to lose his awareness of himself, just let his body and his heart take over. He wanted to get back to that state, as soon as possible. But now he had to wake up, because Ronan really was in the room, and was staring at him with his eyebrows raised, and AJ realized why: he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and neither was Soohyun, not to mention the state of their hair. “We, uh, just got out of the shower,” AJ managed.
“Uh huh…” said Ronan, stepping back. “Maybe I’ll let you get back to that…”
“No no no, wait!” AJ exclaimed, before he knew what he was doing. Now it sounded like he wanted an excuse not to be alone with Soohyun. But he didn’t want to be rude to Ronan either. He glanced to Soohyun, hoping he would understand.
And Soohyun did understand, smiling softly at AJ before stepping away from the wall and turning towards Ronan. "Staying?"
“Uh, if you two really want, I can stay,” Ronan said, eyes moving between the two of them, as a smile tugged up his lips.
“Yeah, you can stay,” AJ said. He located his rumpled shirt on the floor and put it back on. Yep, not suspicious at all. But judging by the amused way Ronan was looking at him, he already knew everything anyway. “But I don’t really want to go out,” he said.
“Fine then.” Ronan sighed, eying Soohyun as he bent over his duffel bag and selected a shirt for himself. “I guess I don’t blame you. Then… we could watch a movie or something?”
Soohyun understood that. “Movie?” he repeated. He pointed to the door. “Go to movie?”
“On the computer,” AJ said, pointing to his laptop on his desk. He really hoped that’s what Ronan had meant.
“We could even watch one in Korean, I don’t care,” Ronan said. “As long as there are subtitles for poor old me.”
“I know!” AJ grinned. “We’ll watch some episodes of a Korean drama.”
“And what are those exactly?” Ronan asked.
Soohyun, now fully clothed, patted Ronan on the back. “Drama,” he said. “Ronan like.”
“Ah god. Okay.”
They got set up, sitting propped up against pillows on the air mattress with the computer on a pile of stacked text books in front of them. AJ found a funny one with subtitles he thought Ronan would enjoy, and Ronan did, laughing a lot, along with Soohyun. After a while Soohyun leaned his head against AJ’s shoulder. AJ tensed, feeling himself blush, but Ronan barely glanced in their direction. He reached down and gave Soohyun’s hand a quick squeeze before releasing him. If Ronan had it all figured out anyway he didn’t need to be embarrassed.
Soohyun stopped laughing not long after, and AJ looked down and saw why. He had fallen asleep snuggled up against him. This time Ronan did look over, raising his eyebrows again. AJ blushed for the billionth time. Okay, even if Ronan did know it would take some getting used to. But he put his arm around Soohyun anyway.
After the episode ended, Ronan stood up, stretching. “Okay,” he whispered. “You two have a good night. And a good morning,” he added, smirking.
“Ronan…” AJ grumbled.
“Mmm, my timing was a little off today, eh?”
“Uh… yeah,” AJ answered, looking away.
“Sorry. You could’ve kicked me out.”
“No, it’s fine.” He looked down at Soohyun’s sleeping face. “He likes spending time with you too.”
“Well, good. Because I’m planning on taking him from you tomorrow.”
“What?”
“There’s some places I want to take him. Besides, it’ll give you some time to get things ready.”
“R-ready?” AJ repeated. Then his eyes went wide and he looked down, blushing brighter than all the other times combined. “Oh.”
“Mmmhmm…”
AJ knew Ronan must be smiling smugly to himself, but he didn’t dare look up yet.
“Plus you can work on that paper Becca was harassing you about earlier,” Ronan added.
“Ah, yeah. When are you going to write it?”
“All day the day before, of course. It’s tradition.”
AJ rolled his eyes. “Okay Ronan…”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be good to him,” Ronan said, gesturing to Soohyun. Then he smirked. “Though not as good as you’ll be…”
“Okay, Ronan, okay. You can go now.”
“I will,” he said, going to the door. “Goodnight!” he called in a singsong voice before shutting it.
AJ looked at Soohyun, who was still very asleep. He could leave him here on the air mattress while he slept on the bed… but why would he do that? Even the other night Soohyun hadn’t wanted to sleep alone. And AJ didn’t want to either.
Very carefully, he moved Soohyun from his shoulder and slowly laid him down on his side on the mattress. Kneeling over him, he considered trying to lift him onto the bed, but now it seemed like too much trouble. Though it seemed a little silly to have two places to sleep but only use the spare, they would be comfortable enough where they were.
He tossed some of the extra pillows back onto the bed before pulling the blankets over the both of them and settling down next to Soohyun. He curled up against him, smiling as he watched the other boy’s chest rise and fall. He’d finally made Soohyun feel happy and secure. He hadn’t known it would take all this, but now he wouldn’t have it any other way. Then he closed his eyes and quickly fell asleep.