First Day of Christmas!
Title: Attitude
Fandom: Death Note
Rating: G
Summary Matsuda just wants to feel more grown-up.
“You’re such a child sometimes, Matsuda!”
Matsuda was quite used to the accusation of childishness being levelled at him but he was not used to it coming from Raito Yagami. Raito was smiling like it was a joke between friends but it didn’t feel like a joke to Matsuda.
“Why … why would you think that?” he asked, trying to sound off-hand and knowing that he was failing. Raito blinked at him, then smiled gently, clearly realising that Matsuda was taking it badly.
“Well, it’s true,” he said. “You must know that, Matsuda-san. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just … true. It’s why people don’t tend to take you seriously. You’re just too goofy. People just think you’re not cap - ”
But Raito broke off there and flushed slightly, as though he’d said too much and turned away. Matsuda didn’t need him to say any more anyway. He sat so quietly for the rest of the day that Aizawa actually asked if he was all right. Matsuda didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry,” Raito whispered before Matsuda left that day. “I didn’t mean it.”
And Matsuda automatically smiled and nodded because that was what he ought to do. But he didn’t stop thinking. All the way home, he didn’t stop thinking.
They all thought of him as a child. They didn’t think he was any good. He was on a top secret taskforce where three people had already died and they thought he was a baby who couldn’t hack it. He’d thought he was used to that. Thought he was okay with those conceptions about him. But when Raito said it … when Raito said it, it hurt again. Raito was younger than him and even he thought that Matsuda was a child. It wasn’t fair. He tried to hard to be a grown up and an asset and they all just thought he was a fool. It wasn’t fair.
Once at home, he glared at himself in the mirror. No wonder they all thought he was a big kid. He looked liked a big kid. His eyes were too wide, his cheeks too round, his hair ridiculously floppy. Even Aizawa’s afro looked a more mature hairstyle (especially now that Aizawa was growing stubble)
Well, he could do something about that at least. Diving into the kitchen, he grabbed a pair of scissors and returned to the mirror, then chopped roughly at his hair. A shorter haircut would make him look more mature. It would make his cheeks less round and maybe even accent his cheekbones. He’d look more grown up, more impressive and they’d all think he was worthy of being on the team and …
His hair looked very uneven. With a soft sigh, Matsuda let the scissors drop and acknowledged to himself that he’d done something dumb and impulsive again. Trying to laugh at himself, he went and began to clean up the hair, telling himself that he’d try and get a professional to see to it in the morning before going to work. They’d probably laugh anyway but it didn’t matter - he deserved it, didn’t he?
To his surprise, everyone seemed fairly neutral about his new look. Aizawa just rolled his eyes when Matsuda explained why he was late. The Chief and Raito both smiled at him, slightly pityingly but also kindly. Mogi didn’t seem to notice.
“It looks good,” was all Ide said.
“It’s going to make me more mature,” Matsuda said. He only said that to Ide. Ide wouldn’t laugh. Ide found him annoying quite often but he also seemed to not mind Matsuda hanging around him, which made Matsuda happy.
“Good luck with that,” Ide said.
“You think I can’t do it?” Matsuda said, a little nettled.
“I think a haircut won’t do that,” Ide said with a shrug. “Cutting your hair doesn’t really make you more mature you know. It just … gives you shorter hair. That’s all.”
Matsuda must have drooped a little because suddenly, Ide put his hand on Matsuda’s shoulder.
“Just try to feel more mature,” he said. “That’s all. It’s about attitude. If the haircut does that for you, well … that’s good, right?”
“Yeah,” Matsuda said, brightening up. “That’s good.”
Fandom: Death Note
Rating: G
Summary Matsuda just wants to feel more grown-up.
“You’re such a child sometimes, Matsuda!”
Matsuda was quite used to the accusation of childishness being levelled at him but he was not used to it coming from Raito Yagami. Raito was smiling like it was a joke between friends but it didn’t feel like a joke to Matsuda.
“Why … why would you think that?” he asked, trying to sound off-hand and knowing that he was failing. Raito blinked at him, then smiled gently, clearly realising that Matsuda was taking it badly.
“Well, it’s true,” he said. “You must know that, Matsuda-san. It’s not a bad thing. It’s just … true. It’s why people don’t tend to take you seriously. You’re just too goofy. People just think you’re not cap - ”
But Raito broke off there and flushed slightly, as though he’d said too much and turned away. Matsuda didn’t need him to say any more anyway. He sat so quietly for the rest of the day that Aizawa actually asked if he was all right. Matsuda didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry,” Raito whispered before Matsuda left that day. “I didn’t mean it.”
And Matsuda automatically smiled and nodded because that was what he ought to do. But he didn’t stop thinking. All the way home, he didn’t stop thinking.
They all thought of him as a child. They didn’t think he was any good. He was on a top secret taskforce where three people had already died and they thought he was a baby who couldn’t hack it. He’d thought he was used to that. Thought he was okay with those conceptions about him. But when Raito said it … when Raito said it, it hurt again. Raito was younger than him and even he thought that Matsuda was a child. It wasn’t fair. He tried to hard to be a grown up and an asset and they all just thought he was a fool. It wasn’t fair.
Once at home, he glared at himself in the mirror. No wonder they all thought he was a big kid. He looked liked a big kid. His eyes were too wide, his cheeks too round, his hair ridiculously floppy. Even Aizawa’s afro looked a more mature hairstyle (especially now that Aizawa was growing stubble)
Well, he could do something about that at least. Diving into the kitchen, he grabbed a pair of scissors and returned to the mirror, then chopped roughly at his hair. A shorter haircut would make him look more mature. It would make his cheeks less round and maybe even accent his cheekbones. He’d look more grown up, more impressive and they’d all think he was worthy of being on the team and …
His hair looked very uneven. With a soft sigh, Matsuda let the scissors drop and acknowledged to himself that he’d done something dumb and impulsive again. Trying to laugh at himself, he went and began to clean up the hair, telling himself that he’d try and get a professional to see to it in the morning before going to work. They’d probably laugh anyway but it didn’t matter - he deserved it, didn’t he?
To his surprise, everyone seemed fairly neutral about his new look. Aizawa just rolled his eyes when Matsuda explained why he was late. The Chief and Raito both smiled at him, slightly pityingly but also kindly. Mogi didn’t seem to notice.
“It looks good,” was all Ide said.
“It’s going to make me more mature,” Matsuda said. He only said that to Ide. Ide wouldn’t laugh. Ide found him annoying quite often but he also seemed to not mind Matsuda hanging around him, which made Matsuda happy.
“Good luck with that,” Ide said.
“You think I can’t do it?” Matsuda said, a little nettled.
“I think a haircut won’t do that,” Ide said with a shrug. “Cutting your hair doesn’t really make you more mature you know. It just … gives you shorter hair. That’s all.”
Matsuda must have drooped a little because suddenly, Ide put his hand on Matsuda’s shoulder.
“Just try to feel more mature,” he said. “That’s all. It’s about attitude. If the haircut does that for you, well … that’s good, right?”
“Yeah,” Matsuda said, brightening up. “That’s good.”