King Elizabeth

[127fascination]

There is an Eddie Izzard routine about how absurd the old practice of having women take on their husband’s last name is, especially the bit where they are being referred to as Mrs. John Smith. The woman is dissolved into the man. To point out the absurdity he suggests that when the woman is the more powerful public figure, then the man

Comments

[elemirion]

Back in the day, I thought you referring to yourself as Mr. Anaar was funny, and for me it did put you in context, ie you were her beloved husband. I have difficulties remembering names. Normally the person has to have a really interesting name, or do something that impresses me for me to remember their name right away. And I should have remembered you right away, for which I apologize. But now your name is engraved on my mind, so its not a problem.
You totally have your own personality and voice, both in Feri, and in the mundane world, and I thank you for that.

You know we live rather close, we should hang out sometime...

[heartssdesire]

Well, I like you all on your own, and not for the same reasons that I like Anaar, and I am pretty clear on which one of you is which. And I am glad to see you not seeming like you are trying to be forgettable any more.

You once introduced yourself to me as "Mr. Anaar". I remembered that because I thought it was funny, but also terrible. I think you said it in a sort of joking fashion but I could tell it pointed to a real phenomenon of people treating you like an appendage to Anaar.

I think it's useful to observe when people do that though. Sometimes it can tell you a lot about their motivation. There are people who are only interested in you to the extent that you can advance their social standing; we call them "social climbers". I am sure you know the feeling when it suddenly becomes clear that you're being used for an "in" by status seekers. S and I have had some opportunitites to observe this in the last couple of years and it can be pretty demoralizing.

[127fascination]

I admit that I "own" some of the Mr. Anaar baggage. I am trying to get past that. Thanks for seeing through it.

[happydog]

After having met you I would never consider you an appendage. Personally, I know a little bit how that went. I moved to this town to be with my wife and for a long time, I only knew K's friends, who, for a long time, considered me just sort of an accessory for K. Over time, and after a few pointers, it became clear to them that I wasn't that at all. And as we developed mutual friends that faded, but there are some people, some few, who still view me as an accessory. I can't help that, but as time goes on they become fewer. That's all I got.

[inflectionpoint]

argh! this is the flipside of my rant about "Miss" Firstname Lastname, eh?

For what it's worth, I knew you before Anaar, and still know you better and think you are neat and interesting and someone I oughta know better, just cos you are you.

But oh, I know the feeling. Back in the day, I useta be Someone Slightly Famous' Submissive. (I got better. Better judgement. And became a switch.) And oh my gods, the number of people who knew me as so and so's Girl, but didn't recognize me after I moved on. I use it as a screen with people - do you know me, or do you know me as attachment of person X? It says more about the person than about you!

[lillitu_shahar]

woo! i can imagine that would be frustrating. congrats on getting it off your chest.