This certainly clears up why my fiance is not particularly eager for me to come out to his family. I've tried the argument that the longer I don't tell them the more it seems like something of which I am ashamed, which, as he well knows, it isn't. His counter-argument is that it's none of their business, which is very true, but still makes me feel icky. It's a part of my identity, and while it's not everything that I am, it's still a part of who I am, and the dishonesty by omission rankles me. Plus I really hate having to play the pronoun game around them. It gets especially interesting when we add in that the girl who introduced us was my girlfriend for years (and we still occasionally spend us-time together, with my fiance's full knowledge and blessing), and is also known to his family - they grew up in the same small town. Very difficult saying that she's just a mate who lived with me and my former husband for a while. I really hate thinking that it's the better course of action to remain closeted to them and be circumspect
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Why, thank you! I've found that the only way I can think about this stuff is by injecting the conversation with humor, otherwise I'm left feeling just sick about things, if that makes sense?
That totally makes sense to me! I'm much the same way in my own life, and as a reader of yours it really helps me to learn and understand without just needing to go cry afterwards for what these people go through needlessly (at least needlessly to me).
I read an interesting article in the doctor's office the other day (I can't remember the publication at the moment, but it was a big one) about the YFZ ranch and the FLDS movement, and the author said something that struck me, and I wonder if you agree. S/he said that the FLDS movement creates passive men (I would assume apart from the elders) because so many boys are kicked out if behaving "badly" (a necessity due to there not being enough women for the men in such a polygamous sect) and because a man who is in conflict with the leaders of the group can very easily have his family taken away. So the ones who stay have learned to be passive... except perhaps in their own families, if the stories of abuse are true. What do you think?
AH, the NetGeo article!! I thought they did a great job with all but one exception. The woman that laughed and pooh poohed the stories of the women being unhappy is Warren Jeff's sister. (I don't know how much of that stuff you're familiar with, but he's the jailed prophet.) The case is still ongoing. She has a major stake in things sounding hunky dory.
And the whole "passivity of men" thing. Um... To some degree. It depends on your position, honestly. If you're favored by the prophet, you can drop your shoulders. Now, none of them are passive at HOME, as you said. But yes, those stories of abuse are absolutely true, unfortunately. If you click on my polygamy tag (on my user info page, right at the top) you can read some of the things I've written about the Colorado City folks, if you want.
If you've not read "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer, that's a Must Read book.
Hello! I just wanted to say that I've just recently found this community and, as a recovering Mormon (and a bisexual to boot!) myself, I really appreciate what you're trying to do here. So much of the religion seems silly, awkward, or outright horrifying once you're out of it, doesn't it?
I'm going through reading a lot of the old posts you've made, and while devout Mormons will likely dismiss it, as any criticism is dismissed, as "anti-Mormon swill," you're very honest while being surprisingly humorous about these serious issues. You never make light of the issues or pull any punches, and I think that's something important to do in a society as strange as that propagated by the LDS church.
"So much of the religion seems silly, awkward, or outright horrifying once you're out of it, doesn't it?"
Bang, spot on. :D
Thank you so much for your comment. I'm trying to be humorous to keep from getting angry (again) about these foolish ideals I believed and supported. But, as you said, I'm also trying to be completely truthful, because it's difficult to be a Mormon and be completely truthful - we lie to ourselves and to each other about so much of it.
Thank you! I welcome any thoughts or comments you might have, btw.
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I read an interesting article in the doctor's office the other day (I can't remember the publication at the moment, but it was a big one) about the YFZ ranch and the FLDS movement, and the author said something that struck me, and I wonder if you agree. S/he said that the FLDS movement creates passive men (I would assume apart from the elders) because so many boys are kicked out if behaving "badly" (a necessity due to there not being enough women for the men in such a polygamous sect) and because a man who is in conflict with the leaders of the group can very easily have his family taken away. So the ones who stay have learned to be passive... except perhaps in their own families, if the stories of abuse are true. What do you think?
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And the whole "passivity of men" thing. Um... To some degree. It depends on your position, honestly. If you're favored by the prophet, you can drop your shoulders. Now, none of them are passive at HOME, as you said. But yes, those stories of abuse are absolutely true, unfortunately. If you click on my polygamy tag (on my user info page, right at the top) you can read some of the things I've written about the Colorado City folks, if you want.
If you've not read "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer, that's a Must Read book.
Reply
I'm going through reading a lot of the old posts you've made, and while devout Mormons will likely dismiss it, as any criticism is dismissed, as "anti-Mormon swill," you're very honest while being surprisingly humorous about these serious issues. You never make light of the issues or pull any punches, and I think that's something important to do in a society as strange as that propagated by the LDS church.
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Bang, spot on. :D
Thank you so much for your comment. I'm trying to be humorous to keep from getting angry (again) about these foolish ideals I believed and supported. But, as you said, I'm also trying to be completely truthful, because it's difficult to be a Mormon and be completely truthful - we lie to ourselves and to each other about so much of it.
Thank you! I welcome any thoughts or comments you might have, btw.
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