(no subject)
1,000 dollars says he nails someone by work on wednesday, if he isnt right now.
cause to him, i'm not even worth a courtesy week.
cause to him, i was just easy.
cause to him, it's too much like WORK to let himself feel.
cause to him, i'm not pretty enough.
cause to him, i'm not good enough.
cause to him, it's asking too much that he not fuck around.
it's asking too much that he give a straight answer.
it's asking too much that he... i dont know.
i'm asking too much. my entire god damned existance is just asking everyone for too fucking much.
any belief i may have had in a god is gone. if there was a god, he wouldnt let people hurt this bad. if there was a god and someone was praying "please, god, please dont let me hurt like this. i want him to be happy. he can not want me if that's what makes him happy, but please, if this isnt ment to be, and if he really doesnt want me, please, just let me stop hurting."
if there was a god, and we werent ment to be, then that prayer would be answered. if there was a god and we were ment to be, we would be, without all this bullshit. if there was a god there wouldnt be so many people out there who feel exactly as i do right now. if there was a god i wouldnt be wearing long sleeved shirts for the next month. if there was a god, someone would notice that i was. if there was a god, it wouldnt have taken away my friends at the same time it took away the only thing i really wanted for right now. if there was a god, this wouldnt hurt so bad. if there was a god, i wouldnt get cheated on or told i'm not good enough EVERY FUCKING TIME i meet someone i think i could love.
i'd like to say that love dosent exist, but the fact is, it does. it's just that love is more like a vaccume that sucks all of your insides out and makes you puke everything you eat and need to bleed to feel better, because physical pain is better than the emotional pain you feel at the time, and love makes your throat hurt from trying not to cry, and your face pale from trying not to be sick and your brain hurt from trying not to talk and your mouth hurt from talking anyway and your friends hurt from having to listen to you... love exists. and it's the most painful thing in the world.
cinderella went to the ball and found prince charming railing some random debutant in the garden.
snow white's mother killed her, and her prince married her best friend.
the little mermaid turned into a human, and saw prince erik making out with some school girl by the waters edge.
beauty fell in love with the beast, and once he became human again he went to the local tavern and nailed every girl in sight.
Sierra fell in love with a boy, and made the mistake of letting him know it. now she cries herself to sleep at night while he goes out with all of the people she thought cared about her too.
cause to him, i'm not even worth a courtesy week.
cause to him, i was just easy.
cause to him, it's too much like WORK to let himself feel.
cause to him, i'm not pretty enough.
cause to him, i'm not good enough.
cause to him, it's asking too much that he not fuck around.
it's asking too much that he give a straight answer.
it's asking too much that he... i dont know.
i'm asking too much. my entire god damned existance is just asking everyone for too fucking much.
any belief i may have had in a god is gone. if there was a god, he wouldnt let people hurt this bad. if there was a god and someone was praying "please, god, please dont let me hurt like this. i want him to be happy. he can not want me if that's what makes him happy, but please, if this isnt ment to be, and if he really doesnt want me, please, just let me stop hurting."
if there was a god, and we werent ment to be, then that prayer would be answered. if there was a god and we were ment to be, we would be, without all this bullshit. if there was a god there wouldnt be so many people out there who feel exactly as i do right now. if there was a god i wouldnt be wearing long sleeved shirts for the next month. if there was a god, someone would notice that i was. if there was a god, it wouldnt have taken away my friends at the same time it took away the only thing i really wanted for right now. if there was a god, this wouldnt hurt so bad. if there was a god, i wouldnt get cheated on or told i'm not good enough EVERY FUCKING TIME i meet someone i think i could love.
i'd like to say that love dosent exist, but the fact is, it does. it's just that love is more like a vaccume that sucks all of your insides out and makes you puke everything you eat and need to bleed to feel better, because physical pain is better than the emotional pain you feel at the time, and love makes your throat hurt from trying not to cry, and your face pale from trying not to be sick and your brain hurt from trying not to talk and your mouth hurt from talking anyway and your friends hurt from having to listen to you... love exists. and it's the most painful thing in the world.
cinderella went to the ball and found prince charming railing some random debutant in the garden.
snow white's mother killed her, and her prince married her best friend.
the little mermaid turned into a human, and saw prince erik making out with some school girl by the waters edge.
beauty fell in love with the beast, and once he became human again he went to the local tavern and nailed every girl in sight.
Sierra fell in love with a boy, and made the mistake of letting him know it. now she cries herself to sleep at night while he goes out with all of the people she thought cared about her too.