either you dont have the balls or you dont have the balls or you dont feel the same
stop trying to pacify me. I dont need to be appeased. i need you to tell me where the fuck this is going. or where this was going before i left your house at three am with nothing but my keys and your dress shirt.
the ocean was cold without your arms. i hate myself for going back. i hate myself for feeling this way about you. i hate you for not knowing what you feel. i hate you for making me want something i didnt and then going wishy washy on me. i hate you for being the reason i stopped dating in the first place. i hate that i almost told you i love you. i hate that it's the truth.
i hate that you'll never know. i hate that it wouldnt matter anyway. i hate how high school this is. i hate that i keep telling myself i'm over this and over you and yet you keep sucking me back in with your adorable smile and the way you kiss me awake in the mornings. i hate that even when i did get in my car and start driving, i had no where to go, because when you're not working, sean is and when he's not you are and you two are the only ones i tell everything to.i hate that you saw me cry. i hate that my snot got on your chest while you held me on the floor. i hate that i let the reason for my tears be my consolement. i hate that i'm the one who's sorry for feeling. i hate that somehow this is my fault for not being... *something* enough to make you feel the same. i hate that i forgive you because i know what you've been through. i hate being a girl. i hate myself for having these delusions of dissapearing for a while and you showing up at my door and saying you missed me. i hate that you wont miss me. i hate that no one ever misses me. just once i want to be wanted.
just once.
the ocean was cold without your arms. i hate myself for going back. i hate myself for feeling this way about you. i hate you for not knowing what you feel. i hate you for making me want something i didnt and then going wishy washy on me. i hate you for being the reason i stopped dating in the first place. i hate that i almost told you i love you. i hate that it's the truth.
i hate that you'll never know. i hate that it wouldnt matter anyway. i hate how high school this is. i hate that i keep telling myself i'm over this and over you and yet you keep sucking me back in with your adorable smile and the way you kiss me awake in the mornings. i hate that even when i did get in my car and start driving, i had no where to go, because when you're not working, sean is and when he's not you are and you two are the only ones i tell everything to.i hate that you saw me cry. i hate that my snot got on your chest while you held me on the floor. i hate that i let the reason for my tears be my consolement. i hate that i'm the one who's sorry for feeling. i hate that somehow this is my fault for not being... *something* enough to make you feel the same. i hate that i forgive you because i know what you've been through. i hate being a girl. i hate myself for having these delusions of dissapearing for a while and you showing up at my door and saying you missed me. i hate that you wont miss me. i hate that no one ever misses me. just once i want to be wanted.
just once.