My Past Time and How I Get My Big Sisters altough I'm Still The Oldest Child in My Family
i live in this world as a girl who has been forced to be tough and mature since born. yes, i'm the oldest child in my family. therefore, i have to be an almost-perfect role model for my only little brother. at first i did the best for myself, i used to enjoy my life to the fullest and loved everything i do.
but then when i did something wrong at school, such as got bad scores (note: i got 3-4 times in my entire primary school life) and my parents got angry at me as if i would cause doomsday. i tought: "hello mom, dad, do you have noticed that i've been doing really great in my whole life and just because of this you scold at me?!" yes, i admit i used to be really great in my primary school era. i used to be in the 1st, 2nd, or 4th rank in class, being a school representative for many olimpiads, etc. and my parents took my achievements very easy, and took my failures very hard. but i did nothing but let them say whatever they want, simply because i hated arguing. even when i got the highest score for my final exam, my father scolded at me.
teacher: "who did get scolded at home because of your final exam scores? raise your hands!"
me: *raised my hand*
teacher: "what? you got scolded??? why?"
me: "my dad asked me why i couldn't get 100 points..."
yes, i just got 96.5 points and my dad did it to me. cruel enough? i think so. my parents love perfection from me that they couldn't get from my brother. he is a carefree person, and he really cares nothing in his life until now. my parents have given up onto him and pushed me. but i became rebel since i entered junior high.
i entered the best school in my city, and i thought my parents would be really proud of me, without ifs or buts. i was wrong. they kept comparing me with my best friend cos he got better rank entering that school than me. he's the 8th when i only got the 27th. i got really sick of them. i wanted to scream, "stop comparing me to other kids! if you don't like me just get him and see if he can be better than me!" seeing the fact that i still being a bad girl on my parents' eyes, i lost my interest at school. you know how it feels being not appreciated when you endure to do the best. i kept gaining bad scores, my parents kept scolding at me but i really didn't care. i closed my ears really tight until i got used to it.
until now, i still lose my interest at school. i despise it a lot. sometimes i wanna cry out loud, i wanna be hugged by my family member, or only sharing, but i never get it. i really wish i could have an older brother or sister, i wanna be dependent, childish, or being a crybaby even just for once. i'm tired being tough, mature, cold-hearted, as if i were a man. maybe at first my parents expected me as a boy, so they got a bit disappointed when they found me as a girl. recalling that negative thought makes my heart hurts.
but it is just a part of my past time.
now my life changes a bit. i finally found my new family, even tough it's the virtual one. yes, it is my fandom. i have so many older sisters and even little sisters there. i love how we interact, how we support each other, how we have childish fights, how we share the same tears, how we laugh together, how we squeal together (LOL, i love this time so much), and how we spend our time together. i know this sounds crazy for you, but i feel that way. call me moron, pathetic, you name it. i really heart my sisters that i haven't had in my real life. and i know, my wish has partially granted.
but then when i did something wrong at school, such as got bad scores (note: i got 3-4 times in my entire primary school life) and my parents got angry at me as if i would cause doomsday. i tought: "hello mom, dad, do you have noticed that i've been doing really great in my whole life and just because of this you scold at me?!" yes, i admit i used to be really great in my primary school era. i used to be in the 1st, 2nd, or 4th rank in class, being a school representative for many olimpiads, etc. and my parents took my achievements very easy, and took my failures very hard. but i did nothing but let them say whatever they want, simply because i hated arguing. even when i got the highest score for my final exam, my father scolded at me.
teacher: "who did get scolded at home because of your final exam scores? raise your hands!"
me: *raised my hand*
teacher: "what? you got scolded??? why?"
me: "my dad asked me why i couldn't get 100 points..."
yes, i just got 96.5 points and my dad did it to me. cruel enough? i think so. my parents love perfection from me that they couldn't get from my brother. he is a carefree person, and he really cares nothing in his life until now. my parents have given up onto him and pushed me. but i became rebel since i entered junior high.
i entered the best school in my city, and i thought my parents would be really proud of me, without ifs or buts. i was wrong. they kept comparing me with my best friend cos he got better rank entering that school than me. he's the 8th when i only got the 27th. i got really sick of them. i wanted to scream, "stop comparing me to other kids! if you don't like me just get him and see if he can be better than me!" seeing the fact that i still being a bad girl on my parents' eyes, i lost my interest at school. you know how it feels being not appreciated when you endure to do the best. i kept gaining bad scores, my parents kept scolding at me but i really didn't care. i closed my ears really tight until i got used to it.
until now, i still lose my interest at school. i despise it a lot. sometimes i wanna cry out loud, i wanna be hugged by my family member, or only sharing, but i never get it. i really wish i could have an older brother or sister, i wanna be dependent, childish, or being a crybaby even just for once. i'm tired being tough, mature, cold-hearted, as if i were a man. maybe at first my parents expected me as a boy, so they got a bit disappointed when they found me as a girl. recalling that negative thought makes my heart hurts.
but it is just a part of my past time.
now my life changes a bit. i finally found my new family, even tough it's the virtual one. yes, it is my fandom. i have so many older sisters and even little sisters there. i love how we interact, how we support each other, how we have childish fights, how we share the same tears, how we laugh together, how we squeal together (LOL, i love this time so much), and how we spend our time together. i know this sounds crazy for you, but i feel that way. call me moron, pathetic, you name it. i really heart my sisters that i haven't had in my real life. and i know, my wish has partially granted.