Someone Slapped Me Mentally and I Feel Horrible at Myself Now
hello everyone! sorry i come to this account just like a ghost :P because i need this for rant anything if i feel insecure, sad, and also if i'm extremely happy :D
but now, sorry, i'm feeling insecureness.
i just had a conversation on Twitter with a friend of mine. she's really nice, for real. but she has slapped me mentally and it was really deep.
[in the middle of conversation about DBSK...]
me: they won't have any promo tour ;__; and i heard they will be back to Korea tomorrow...
X: but tomorrow in here and in japan is in different time, right?
me: it's not really different, just 2 hours
X: oooh, have you been in Japan before? how come you know about that?
me: haha i'm expert of converting time right now :P because i've been joining many spam projects on Twitter so i know...
X: wow you're so hard-working on that. don't tweet to much girl, you must've been forgetting to study
me: nooo i still study hard :D moreover, spamming isn't everyday project
X: see? you're still in tawdry phase of loving DBSK. you'd better avoid them now before it's too late for you. remeber, final exam is before our eyes
me: ??? sorry?
X: i mean they will affect you in your whole life aspects. the conclusion: you're still in your tawdry phase [A/N: maybe she meant that i'll be bored at DBSK soon because i just have known them not in a long time]. look at **** and ****, they already loose them now
me: so you mean i have to loose them too?
and there's no conversation after that, because she already signed off.
i face everything that come to me with opened mind, i really understand what she meant and and i know that she's worried about me. she is (like) an expert of Korean boyband at school, and she has faced people that are just like me, being hyper toward one group. she's worried because i'm being this hyper before facing the exam, and she understands that they can be the biggest distraction.
and i feel as if i'm being slapped by her. am i that hyper? am i that tawdry?
she understands my 'tawdry phase', but why did she suggest me to leave them? isn't it too... cruel?
actually i don't mind being called 'tawdry', 'hyper', 'dorky', or anything, but that meaning is deeper that how it should.
until now i still feel agitated hearing to DBSK's songs, or even my Twitter avatar. you know what i mean. i'm still thinking what she just said earlier and still feel... sad.
i need something to regain my confidence (?) to enter the fandom again. one thing that won't change is i'm thanking DBSK for meeting me those amazing girls that (maybe) i won't meet in real life. they always can cheer me up, something that i can't do alone. they're like the saviors when i fall.
should i leave the fandom (or being in hiatus mode) right now?
[A/N: i don't know if 'tawdry' word suits to what i mean. it means 'norak' in Indonesian, a condition when you feel so hyper toward something, or you feel loving something too much.]
but now, sorry, i'm feeling insecureness.
i just had a conversation on Twitter with a friend of mine. she's really nice, for real. but she has slapped me mentally and it was really deep.
[in the middle of conversation about DBSK...]
me: they won't have any promo tour ;__; and i heard they will be back to Korea tomorrow...
X: but tomorrow in here and in japan is in different time, right?
me: it's not really different, just 2 hours
X: oooh, have you been in Japan before? how come you know about that?
me: haha i'm expert of converting time right now :P because i've been joining many spam projects on Twitter so i know...
X: wow you're so hard-working on that. don't tweet to much girl, you must've been forgetting to study
me: nooo i still study hard :D moreover, spamming isn't everyday project
X: see? you're still in tawdry phase of loving DBSK. you'd better avoid them now before it's too late for you. remeber, final exam is before our eyes
me: ??? sorry?
X: i mean they will affect you in your whole life aspects. the conclusion: you're still in your tawdry phase [A/N: maybe she meant that i'll be bored at DBSK soon because i just have known them not in a long time]. look at **** and ****, they already loose them now
me: so you mean i have to loose them too?
and there's no conversation after that, because she already signed off.
i face everything that come to me with opened mind, i really understand what she meant and and i know that she's worried about me. she is (like) an expert of Korean boyband at school, and she has faced people that are just like me, being hyper toward one group. she's worried because i'm being this hyper before facing the exam, and she understands that they can be the biggest distraction.
and i feel as if i'm being slapped by her. am i that hyper? am i that tawdry?
she understands my 'tawdry phase', but why did she suggest me to leave them? isn't it too... cruel?
actually i don't mind being called 'tawdry', 'hyper', 'dorky', or anything, but that meaning is deeper that how it should.
until now i still feel agitated hearing to DBSK's songs, or even my Twitter avatar. you know what i mean. i'm still thinking what she just said earlier and still feel... sad.
i need something to regain my confidence (?) to enter the fandom again. one thing that won't change is i'm thanking DBSK for meeting me those amazing girls that (maybe) i won't meet in real life. they always can cheer me up, something that i can't do alone. they're like the saviors when i fall.
should i leave the fandom (or being in hiatus mode) right now?
[A/N: i don't know if 'tawdry' word suits to what i mean. it means 'norak' in Indonesian, a condition when you feel so hyper toward something, or you feel loving something too much.]