secret santa fic: talk about delusional; [exo] baekhyun/chen
For gdgdbaby
Title Talk About Delusional
Pairing Baekhyun/Chen
Rating pg-13
Word Count 8126
Summary There are three facts: Sehun sucks at what he does, Kyungsoo isn't to be called D.O outside of work, and the list isn't that much of a big deal as everyone makes it out to be. Radio DJs au.
Baekhyun says his goodbye and lets the song take over. He leans back, stretching, and stays suspended in that position until his back starts to ache. On the other side of the glass Chanyeol gives him the usual thumbs up; he's free to go.
"We're going drinking after Jongdae's shift," Chanyeol tells him once he gets out of the studio, handing him a cup of coffee, "Wanna come?"
Baekhyun lets the suggestion sink in, thinking about it. "But that's after midnight,"
Chanyeol grins cheekily. "Yeah, well, isn't it better to go drinking past midnight?"
Baekhyun doesn't get the logic behind what he said, so he just shrugs in response and waves him away. In the hallway it's colder, and Baekhyun shivers bodily, downing his drink and throwing it to the nearby bin. It doesn't go in. It's Jongdae who picks it up, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.
“Woah," Baekhyun says, staggering back. "I didn't see you,"
"Of course you didn't," Jongdae replies airily, "I'm a ghost," He does this arm-wave thing as he says it, breaking into a laugh when Baekhyun only snorts.
"I won," Jongdae informs him. He says this with the confidence of someone saying the truth. At Baekhyun's silence, he repeats it again, pointing to the general direction of the list. "I won. Look at it,"
Baekhyun's eyes go wide. "No way."
Jongdae's answering laugh makes Baekhyun run all the way to the end of the hallway where he stares, in utter disbelief, at his name under Kim Jongdae on the lone paper posted on the bulletin board. When he looks back Jongdae's disappeared inside the studio, and Baekhyun stays there, staring at the place where he'd laughed at his misfortune.
*
"That was a joke, by the way," Jongdae says later on at the restaurant. Baekhyun had grudgingly agreed to come with them to ‘mend his wounded pride’. "The week's ranking? That was a joke,"
"You're kidding,"
"I am not," Jongdae replies. He points to the far end of the table where Kyungsoo's looking over at them with the same sneer he usually directs at Baekhyun. He raises a glass to them and Jongdae mimics him, downing his drink before continuing, "It was Kyungsoo's idea. He wanted to know how you'd react,"
When Baekhyun doesn't reply except to give Kyungsoo the finger, Jongdae says, "You of all people should know that Minseok-hyung replaces that every Friday, Baek. It's only Wednesday today,"
"Yeah, and I should be in bed," Baekhyun mutters, hand reaching out for a tissue. He wipes his mouth clean and throws the tissue to the general direction of Kyungsoo's chair, except it doesn't really reach him, just lands on the pile of meat Chanyeol's been stealing off Joonmyun's plate. Baekhyun snorts back a laugh. He leans back, closing his eyes. "God, I'm sleepy,"
"Want me to take you home?" Jongdae suggests. Baekhyun opens his eyes to catch Jongdae's smirk. He’s flushed red from the alcohol, eyes bright but not unfocused. It’s disappointing, Baekhyun thinks, to see that he’s not even smirking. Baekhyun shrugs his concern away. He straightens up in his seat and looks Jongdae in the eye.
"Why are you like that?" he demands, even before he registers what he's talking about. The words have left his mouth already, though; no point in taking them back.
"Why am I like what?" Jongdae asks. Baekhyun searches his face, comes up with nothing.
"Nothing," he mutters, as the entire group laughs on, as Jongdae looks at him with the same lost expression he knows he's wearing. "It's nothing,"
*
Friday comes with the new ratings for the week. Baekhyun tails after Minseok as soon as he arrives and doesn't stop bothering him until he posts the paper onto the bulletin board. He isn't entirely surprised to see his name's at the top; it's expected, of course he won. Jongdae's still under his name, except this time he's gained a significant increase in the numbers.
"Congrats," Jongdae says behind him, and not for the first time Baekhyun jumps in shock. Jongdae laughs, but his eyes don't leave the list. "Oh, great. I'm catching up,"
"Don't get too cocky," Baekhyun scoffs, bumping his shoulder, "You still got a long a way to go, little grasshopper,"
Jongdae laughs, like he always does. It has always been his response. Baekhyun isn't entirely put off by it, but he'd been hoping for a different reaction this time: a twitch, a slip off the usual cheery facade he always carries. And is it even a facade? Baekhyun isn't sure. Everything about Jongdae makes him double take, makes him step back to look at the bigger picture. Except when he tries to there's nothing else to see but the exact same thing: it’s just Jongdae, looking as if he was genuinely happy for him winning for the nth week, when in reality he should be acting anything but.
"You won again, huh," Kyungsoo mentions casually as he passes by, although his eye twitches as if he weren't the slightest bit happy about it. Baekhyun's used to this, everybody is. "Congratulations,"
"He's making this whole ranking thing such a big deal," Baekhyun mutters when Kyungsoo's turned the corner and out of earshot. "It's ridiculous,"
"Don't you?" Jongdae tells him, and Baekhyun's taken back at the nonchalant way he's said it, as if he's resigned to the fact that Baekhyun does, that Baekhyun thinks of this whole non-competition as much of a big deal as Kyungsoo does.
"I--" Baekhyun starts, doesn't finish. Jongdae's lost interest in the conversation by then, saying something about the recent influx of messages he's been getting instead.
It's 4 hours too early for Jongdae's shift, an hour before Baekhyun's. Baekhyun's considered making him stay with him, make him listen to his show, make him realise that this isn't about winning the weekly ratings. Make him realises that it's more than that, has always been.
He doesn't. "Where will you stay while waiting?"
"I'm thinking of hanging out at this nearby cafe," Jongdae replies with the normalcy of being co-workers for months. He doesn't invite Baekhyun to come with him.
"Okay, then," and Baekhyun turns to where his studio is. He doesn't turn back.
*
There really isn't any competition going, as much as Baekhyun is concerned. What there really is to it is just a weekly rating of what each DJ had received that week, a tally of listeners they've gained written in numbers they could understand. Minseok says it's for recognition. Joonmyun says it's to help them improve. Kyungsoo doesn't think it's for anything except to win against Baekhyun. Jongdae doesn't think of it as anything at all, except maybe to cheer for Baekhyun when he gets the number 1 spot for the hundredth time.
Hundredth time is such a big leap from the truth, though, because Baekhyun's joined later than everyone in the department. It's only been 6 months since he's joined, but he's been told he isn't the only new guy. Kim Jongdae had also joined that year, a couple of months before he did. Before Baekhyun came the ratings were rotational, although from what he'd heard Jongdae had usually gotten the first spot.
But Baekhyun’s always been up to competition anyway. At first he'd zeroed in on Kyungsoo--Kyungsoo who'd get flustered when Baekhyun won and shoved it in his face. Not that Kyungsoo was a sore loser, no--that was just the way he is, Chanyeol had explained. He also gave Jongdae the cold shoulder when he'd won, so Baekhyun didn't feel too bad.
Jongdae was the first one he saw upon entering the company. He was way too early at that time, too, prowling around the first floor nursing a cup of coffee in hand. Jongdae gave him one interested look and thought it was a good idea to pretend he was the Big Boss and made Baekhyun do a lot of errands for him as if Baekhyun were still the same 19-year old intern he was years back. By the end of the day he was exhausted from running around the building he didn't even know a clue about, fetching Jongdae Important Things, and it would've gone on for a few more hours if Chanyeol hadn't caught him getting Jongdae his 5th coffee of the day and told him he had a few minutes left before his first show.
("We do that," Jongdae would say later, as Baekhyun seethed at him from where he sat. "I hope you're not too mad,"
"I did that to him, too," Chanyeol grinned, patting Jongdae on the back so violent that it made Jongdae spill his drink on the table. Baekhyun flinched with every slap of his hand on Jongdae's skin. Kyungsoo wiped the table and disposed the tissue. At that time he really thought Kyungsoo was this gentle and quiet third person whom Chanyeol would always drag around for company. He was right about the quiet part. Only the quiet part.
"Made me run around buying him stuff he didn't even need," Jongdae confessed, simultaneously coughing and keeping up with the conversation. "Outside the building, mind you,"
"Hey, Minseok appreciated the croissants you got him,"
"Croissants from the other side of the city, you mean,"
"That's an exaggeration," Kyungsoo said, for some reason always there to clarify things for Chanyeol's sake. Jongdae scoffed at him and he'd grinned, Baekhyun seeing the heart-shaped smile for the first time.
"Woah, you're cute," Baekhyun would later regret saying. Kyungsoo'd zeroed in on him, then, and Chanyeol had laughed so loud everybody in the area turned to look at them.
"I like you," he said, wrapping an arm around Kyungsoo's red face, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe Baekhyun had actually said that.
Jongdae had poured him another glass of beer, eyes bright. "I like you, too,")
And it wasn't really such a big competition to pour that much effort to win, anyway. Kyungsoo would look especially thrilled when he did win, which were a lot of times. Jongdae would laugh it off as another Normal Thing. Baekhyun was happy for them whenever it happened, because he'd had his fair share of wins, too.
One time he'd won for 4 consecutive weeks straight, something that's never happened before. Jongdae was there when he'd stared at the list with something akin to shock, and, on a lesser scale, pride. The happiness he felt back then had him curling his toes, had his grin bordering between insane and goofy. That wasn't about making Kyungsoo red anymore. That was about his not-so-tiny achievement: 3 months in the business and he'd won 4 times.
The sound of Jongdae's feet shuffling had Baekhyun remembering he was also there to witness Baekhyun's Great Accomplishment.
"First again, huh," Jongdae had said, and he'd laughed, and he'd gone his way. He patted Baekhyun on the butt before leaving. Baekhyun stayed, forgotten about his win, and felt like he’d lost something.
*
On the other side of the glass Jongin reclines in his seat, yawning, mouth so wide Baekhyun's sure he could fit an entire fist in there. He makes a motion to show Jongin just that, and he laughs, falling off of his chair. It's a good thing they're playing music at that time, or that sound of his groaning would resound all throughout the radios of everyone listening. They'd think SarangHaJa!'s broadcasting porn now.
Baekhyun thinks about telling it to Minseok later, more for the scandalized look on his face than anything else.
"What did Jongdae say about it?" Chanyeol asks casually, mouth around a bottle of water.
"He doesn't want to." Baekhyun replies, probably more bitter than he'd initially intended. He nurses his attempt at nonchalance with a noncommittal shrug, but Chanyeol sees right through it.
"And did you ask him why?"
"I didn't," Baekhyun says. "Stop being nosy,"
"You wanted this, remember?" Chanyeol turns his chair so he's facing Baekhyun. Baekhyun kicks him back to his place, and it causes Chanyeol to keep turning and turning until he almost falls off of his chair himself. Jongin sees and laughs so loud he apologises afterwards to the mic.
"You suggested it," Baekhyun retorts, crossing his arms petulantly. "And if Jongdae doesn't want to work with me, then it's fine,"
Chanyeol doesn't push the subject after that. Jongin talks animatedly to the microphone as if talking to an old friend, but that's how everyone looks like anyway. Having the place listen to you like an invisible companion, have them react to everything you say. Baekhyun stares at him from the other side of the glass and wonders how Jongdae would look like if he saw him in his work; would he do silly hand movements like Jongin does, would he stutter and shy away from the mic like Kyungsoo sometimes, or would he laugh a lot at such nonsense like Sehun.
He's never watched Jongdae work. It's not as if Jongdae would want him to, anyway.
"He hates me, you know," Baekhyun thinks out loud, regretting it immediately when Chanyeol turns to give him an annoyingly knowing smile. And this is what's annoying with Chanyeol: he acts as if he's dropped the subject because of the lack of interest, but that's exactly what makes Baekhyun keep talking, because Chanyeol knows this work, knows how to keep the DJs talking, motioning them whatever from the other side of the glass like a silent intructor of some sort. Baekhyun's never needed it, of course, but it's still annoying nonetheless.
"That's ridiculous," Chanyeol says, laughing as if he thought it didn't bother Baekhyun as much as he’s letting on, when in reality it’s what’s always on his mind. Now that it's out in the open Baekhyun's dreaded it more than ever, because saying it out loud not only lets Chanyeol see through his real feelings, but it also makes it more believable than before, because now he's convinced even himself that it's true.
"He doesn't hate you," Chanyeol tells him seriously when he doesn't give a snarky comeback.
Baekhyun scoffs like it isn't such a big deal. He hopes it isn't such a big deal.
*
The next week comes with new rankings. After a lot of time spent on begging and using aegyo, Minseok finally agrees to tweak the rankings, a little: Kyungsoo jumps from his usual number 3 onto top 2. Baekhyun drops two places. Jongdae rises up and becomes number 1.
Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun supiciously as if he knows. Baekhun congratulates him, anyway.
Jongdae arrives later than the rest. "Woah," he says, eyes filled with awe. They dim as fast as they brightened, looking at Baekhyun with the same uncertainty Kyungsoo's had. "What happened?"
"You won," Baekhyun says, "That's what happened."
Baekhyun must admit, he's actually pretty sharp about this kind of thing. Jongdae's face breaks into a grin, catching on. "What did you do, Baekhyun?"
"I might've..." Baekhyun says cautiously,scratching his nape. "Asked Minseok a favor..."
Instead of looking upset, Jongdae actually looks pleased about everything. He cocks his head, amused, and Baekhyun fidgets under the scrutiny, feeling his cheeks burn.
"And you did this because?"
Because a few days back he'd pulled Jongdae aside and asked him if he wanted to be his partner. He'd been so confident Jongdae would agree--it's a good proposal, they'd be great working together--that when Jongdae had politely declined it was Baekhyun's confidence that took the toll. Rejection never registered as a possible outcome.
"Wanted to give Kyungsoo something to be happy about," Baekhyun lies, hopes it's convincing enough.
It's not. Jongdae places a hand on his shoulder, and Baekhyun's skin filters its warmth, the comfort it should provide. Jongdae's done this enough times that Baekhyun's memorised it step-by-step: After the always inevitable display of disinterest in Anything Baekhyun, he'd ask what's wrong, put on a face of concern.
"If this is about your invitation--" Jongdae says slowly.
"It's not." Baekyun cuts him off, stepping back so Jongdae's hand falls. "It's not about that,"
Jongdae opens his mouth to say something, deliberates, then decides against it. There's no one in the area to direct the attention to. Baekhyun's mind races to think of something to compensate for the silence. Something witty, but dismissive.
It's Jongdae who says it. "Well, then," he says, clapping his hands. "Let's just make sure Kyungsoo doesn't find about this,"
Baekhyun lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "That, I can manage to do,"
*
Jongdae's told him, exactly once, that the reason his shift's so late into the night--9 pm to 12 am, specifically--is because he likes the peacefulness of it all. Baekhyun had argued that his shift's quiet as well, but Jongdae had shook his head and said, "You would think my shift's dead. Most people would. They usually wonder why I even DJ during that time, especially with everyone asleep already,"
Baekhyun had actually never thought about it until Jongdae had pointed it out, but--okay. "Okay, so?"
"Well, you see, not everyone sleeps at that time. People like those ahjussi drivers that go around the city, nurses that take care of the sick, those employees that work overtime--they don't actually fall asleep. They stay up, and, when I'm lucky, they stay to listen to me. I talk to them, help them stay awake, you know?"
"And sometimes," His eyes were unusually bright for the night. Baekhyun had met him outside the studio as he was about to go home. They all had intervals between their shows, and Baekhyun had taken the chance to ask about this, something he'd always been curious about ever since. "They talk to me, too,"
"You're creepy," Baekhyun had said, because by that time Jongdae had launched into another arm-wave thing he usually did when he was creeping people out (and failing).
Jongdae's laugh was also out of place in the quietness of the night. Baekhyun itched to watch him while he did show, but didn't feel like he was allowed to unless Jongdae invited himself.
"Seriously, though," Jongdae continued, once he’d sobered up, "It's pretty peaceful during the night,"
"So why," Baekhyun says now, teeth clenched, heart heavy, hands fisted, "Why would Jongdae suddenly quit the night shift and take the morning one?"
Chanyeol gives him a look Baekhyun doesn't understand. He opens the door to the studio and places a gentle hand on Baekhyun's back, pushing him in. "Beats me,"
*
Aside from working as a DJ in SarangHaJa!, Jongdae also works as a jazz singer down a dainty place a block away from the place, coming in at lunch and singing until 7, which explains how sometimes he's nowhere to be seen when Baekhyun gets into the building. He doesn't sing on Fridays; Fridays are spent on pestering Minseok the same way Baekhyun does for the new list of rankings. Fridays are also spent avoiding watching Baekhyun at work and instead staying at a nearby cafe, Baekhyun thinks bitterly.
An hour before his shift Baekhyun heads out to seek him. It's pretty brave, walking up to Jongdae without any prior heads up.
He's been here a couple of times already. The food's great, the ambiance welcoming, but the tiny jazz band is really what makes everything worth it. Jongdae sings like he owns the place, and maybe he does--maybe he will, especially with that kind of voice. Baekhyun's thought of getting jealous sometimes; yes, thought of it, because he's never felt the need to, for some reason.
And maybe that's it. Maybe--
"Look," Baekhyun says, pulling Jongdae aside when he takes a break. Jongdae looks especially good in what he's wearing: a simple dress shirt, nice pants. Something he wouldn't normally wear in the confines of the studio.
Jongdae blinks at him in shock, then recognition. “Yixing-hyung," he calls out, and the guy on the piano looks at them, "I’ll be back in a while,”
The guy simply nods and Baekhyun's back to pulling Jongdae away from the stage. They stay hidden behind a plant in some corner. It's ridiculous, how secretive they're acting, and it's making Jongdae giggle like they're playing some silly game of hide-and-seek.
"What is it?" he asks, and he's still smiling the usual way.
Baekhyun's come to talk to him about the sudden shift change, but what comes out is a needy, maybe too desperate, not to mention totally out of character, "Why do you hate me so much?"
And it shouldn't even be a surprise anymore, considering the amount of times Jongdae's done it in the span of months they've worked together, and yet Baekhyun’s still unprepared when Jongdae just laughs. Jongdae laughs and Baekhyun feels as lost as ever.
"What?"
"You hate me, don't you?" He sounds ridiculous even to his ears. Chanyeol had laughed when he told him this, told him it wasn't true and that Jongdae didn't. Baekhyun'd always kept him to his word, but recently it has been hard to, especially with every day he gets slapped in the face with the fact that maybe Jongdae does. And look--Jongdae's. Jongdae's closing off. He's not even smiling anymore.
"Baekhyun--"
"You see, look--" Baekhyun runs a frustrated hand in his hair, pulls it out with difficulty. Today he'd woken up earlier than he usually does just to listen to Jongdae's show. Not that he's always listened to his show, of course. It's a matter of give and take, for Baekhyun. A matter of obligation: if Jongdae didn't listen to his show, there was no reason for Baekhyun to listen to his.
He wanted to make sure if he did change shifts. Baekhyun turned the radio on that morning and didn't know what to expect. It came out scratchy at first, probably because of the bad signal, and, when Baekhyun tinkered with the antennae, there it was: Jongdae's voice, waking up Seoul, laughing at them, telling them to get up and have a good day.
"You always do this thing--" Baekhyun shouldn't even be frustrated about this. Shouldn't even work himself up for one person's recognition. He never needed it. Never thought he needed it until now. He's okay with being number 1 if it meant being able to rub it in Kyungsoo's face, but that's only because Kyungsoo's cute in his own, enraged way. Jongdae, though.
Jongdae's looking as lost as he feels.
The tension breaks when Yixing calls for Jongdae on the mic, voice beckoning Jongdae to come back, they're playing the next set. Baekhyun himself is already running late a little. If he ran right now he'd still be able to make it to the building before his shift starts.
"I was kidding," Baekhun is quick to say, when Jongdae looks as if he's about to stop him from leaving, hand already on Baekhyun's arm to make him stay. He grins with effort. "I know you love me,"
Jongdae lets his hand slide down Baekhyun's arm before he retracts. "Yeah," Jongdae says finally, sighing in...relief? Anxiety? Baekhyun isn't too sure. "Yeah, I do,"
Baekhyun shouldn't even feel the tiniest bit happy at that, knowing it's probably forced. As forced as the smile he’s wearing, at least.
"Bye, then," Baekhun finishes lamely, already turning back to the door.
*
He wins by Friday, reclaiming his previous position. Kyungsoo isn't especially happy about it, but he pats Baekhyun on the butt. It’s his way of saying 'Congratulations'. Baekhyun would take this instead of his usual deadpan any day. Jongdae isn't there to see the list, when normally he would be. Baekhyun's optimism leads him to think that he's probably just busy with something else, but his thoughts soon arrive at the conclusion that he's not here because he's avoiding him.
"He hates me," Baekhyun tells Chanyeol firmly. Chanyeol opens his mouth to argue, but Baekhyun's quick to stop him, raising his hand to cover his mouth. Chanyeol's lips move against his skin and he removes them, disgusted. "Ew, Chanyeol, that's disgusting,"
"I said he doesn't hate you," Chanyeol tells him, ruffling his hair.
"Stop doing that," Baekhyun snarls, moving away from his hand. "I'm not Kyungsoo,"
"Who hates who?" Jongin appears, Sehun in tow. They don't seem particularly interested in their conversation, going straight for the bulletin board. Jongin scans it, finds his name, and laughs so hard Baekhyun thinks he might fall over.
"I'm last again," Sehun pouts, Jongin still latched onto his arm as if his life depended on it. He doesn't look upset, just disappointed, and even that disappears as fast as it appeared.
"He's permanently at the bottom," he explains to Baekhyun, grin so boyish it's actually quite cute. "It's funny how we still go here every Friday even if we know he's at the bottom every time,"
"One day," Sehun says, but he doesn't look threatening at all. He actually looks happy for someone who's consistently sucked at this. "One day, Kim Jongin,"
"Yeah, yeah," Jongin laughs, already tugging him away. "Oh, and Baekhyun-hyung?" Baekhyun perks up at his name. "Jongdae-hyung doesn't hate you,"
Sehun gives him a disinterested once over and widens his eyes. "Who said so?"
Jongin jerks his chin towards Baekhyun. Sehun opens his mouth to say something, but he's pulled away even before he can say the first syllable.
"See?" Chanyeol says, sounding annoyingly triumphant, "I told you he doesn't."
*
To an extent, it is as if nothing's changed.
Baekhyun still wakes up way past into the afternoon and does his usual routine of walking around his apartment with his eyes closed, making lunch for himself, lounging on the couch. Sometimes he'd drift off again, but he wakes up before he sleeps for too long.
In the studio he doesn't see Jongdae anymore. Chanyeol catches him looking sometimes and, when their eyes meet, tells Baekhyun with a seriousness that looks out of place, "He doesn't hate you, god,"
Baekhyun would've argued, except Chanyeol doesn't look as if he's waiting for Baekhyun's retort.
Friday comes and it's the same list again. Sehun's still the last, Kyungsoo's still stuck in his position. This time Jongdae's there looking up at it with the same usual cheery expression, and it's weird to see him so unfazed by that list, considering how everyone in the department acts around it.
"Hey, you won again," Jongdae says as he hears Baekhyun approach, and Baekhyun's taken aback at how familiar Jongdae is with his presence without even looking at him directly.
"It's not a competition," Baekhyun mumbles.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing," Baekhyun sighs, having lost interest in the list, in the whole ranking. Jongdae senses his dejection and wraps a comforting arm around him, nudging him playfully.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Why are you here?" Baekhyun asks back, sounding more frustrated than he's currently letting on.
Jongdae doesn't notice. "I thought of passing by to see the results," he says, "I wasn't here last time,"
Of course, Baekhyun knows. Jongdae acts as if Baekhyun didn't know, as if Baekhyun didn't have the slightest interest in his whereabouts, as if he didn’t care even if Baekhyun did.
Inside Baekhyun is a hurricane of frustration: at Jongdae, at the stupid list, at everything. At Chanyeol who tells him Jongdae doesn't hate him when he probably does. Because it's so fucking obvious, see: he avoids him, changes his shift, and rejects the idea of being in a show together with him. If that doesn't spell out his hatred--strong word--okay, dislike, then--then Baekhyun doesn't know what does. And Baekhyun isn't sure why he's even affected this much. Kyungsoo shows his dislike more often than not. But then again, it's Kyungsoo--Kyungsoo's always been passive-aggressive. Hard to pin down what he's feelings most of the time, but he probably doesn't hate him.
But Jongdae's different. Jongdae who gives him cheerful smiles and genuinely congratulates him when he wins. The fact that he acts too nice around him makes Baekhyun want to pull him away and rip the smile off his face, makes Baekhyun want to try harder, want to shove it in his face that he's always been winning, makes him want to steal his listeners and watch his cheshire smile twitch.
Who's doing the hating here again?
"--thinking of watching tonight," Jongdae is saying.
Baekhyun blinks and the frustration's gone. What registers is Jongdae's close proximity to his face, his hot breath against Baekhyun's nape. "What did you say?"
"I said I was thinking of watching you DJ tonight," Jongdae says. And then, when Baekhyun recoils from his breath, he grins at the discovery, testing it out. Jongdae blows. Baekhyun pushes him away, laughing. "With Chanyeol," Jongdae finishes, still with that same sly grin. "Is it okay?"
"Want to see how it works, huh?" Baekhyun says, and regrets it immediately. It's there again, his cockiness. It comes from years of proving himself, but sometimes Baekhyun curses it, especially when he doesn't mean to use it.
Jongdae just laughs, unfazed. As if he's okay with Baekhyun acting like he’s The Shit. Or maybe he's just an idiot, Baekhyun thinks, because that's what Chanyeol's always told him.
*
It's hard to do his job when just behind the glass is Jongdae, looking at him with a stare that doesn't seem mocking nor bored. He looks at him how he would look at something he's intrigued by: deeply enamoured, interested. Chanyeol is out somewhere, probably walking around to stretch his legs, which leaves the both of them alone, the only thing separating them from breathing the same air is the glass. A shift in position changes Baekhyun's view of the light that blocks Jongdae's face.
Jongdae catches his eyes and suddenly grins, giving him a thumbs up. Baekhyun blinks, choking on the water he's drinking. Jongdae laughs at him, mouth open in a silent laughter.
Baekhyun hears him anyway. Months of working with the guy, hearing his laugh, has him memorise the sound he makes. He laughs with him, silently, and the sound of mind-Jongdae's laugh makes it way to hollow space inside Baekhyun's ribs. It grounds him. Makes him sit taller and lean forward to take back the headphones as the song nears its ends.
*
"Are you still convinced he hates you?" Chanyeol asks him on the way out of the building. Jongdae's already gone off, saying something about needing to wake up early for his shift. Baekhyun shuffles his feet, thinking about it.
When he gets too long to reply, Chanyeol sighs, punching him in the arm. Hard.
Baekhyun doesn't yell out in pain, but he stumbles to the side, almost falling over had Chanyeol not pulled him back. He glares. "What did you do that for?"
"You need to get over yourself," Chanyeol tells him. Baekhyun fists his hand, ready to punch in retaliation, when the words start to sink in.
"What,"
"You need to get over yourself," Chanyeol repeats with the same patient tone. It sounds weird, coming from him. Baekhyun's too accustomed to hearing him yell that hearing him sound genuinely worried for him has him doubting his hearing. "You think everything's about you, Baek,"
"I don't," Baekhyun snaps, automatically getting defensive. This is not about him. Jongdae hating him isn't about Baekhyun at all. In fact, it's about Jongdae himself.
"No, it's not," Chanyeol pinches the bridge of his nose. Baekhyun blinks; he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Chanyeol looks like how a father would look like after hours of reprimanding his son. The image is strangely insulting, Baekhyun realises belatedly. "You think he hates you because of the list,"
"Noooo," Baekhyun says, "He hates me because of the li--"
"See," Chanyeol grins, poking the skin between Baekhyun's eyes. "Everything's a competition to you,"
"It's not," And Baekhyun's starting to get angry, a little. He's not here to be scolded, to be told of things that aren't even true. "In fact, the one you should be telling that to is Kyungsoo. That guy's been on my tails for months now, and that's only because of that stupid list!"
"Kyungsoo's always been like that," Chanyeol frowns, not in anger but in confusion. "You seriously thought Kyungsoo's that immature?"
Baekhyun has to stop himself from nodding automatically. "Not the point." He says instead, waving a dismissive hand. "This is not about me."
"You think Jongdae hates you because of the list," Chanyeol says, "You think he's jealous because you've been winning all this time and he's not. You think he didn't want to be in a show with you because he thinks you don't need him. You think he changed shifts because he's intimidated."
Bullseye. Baekhyun nods, slowly, and Chanyeol's groan of exasperation makes Baekhyun blush in embarrassment.
"Ah, fuck, Baekhyun." Chanyeol presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, inhaling a sharp intake of cold air. "You need to get over yourself,"
Baekhyun makes a sound resembling a growl. "You don't understand--"
"No, you don't understand," Chanyeol says, placing both hands on Baekhyun's shoulders. "It's not--this isn't--look. You're looking at this whole thing the wrong way. Why don't you talk to him properly?"
Baekhun contorts his face in irritation. Chanyeol is unfazed. His hands stay heavy on his shoulders, unrelenting.
"But before that, you need to get over yourself,"
Baekhyun's had it. He steps on his foot with all his might and relishes in Chanyeol's yell of pain. He turns back and walks away, only to realise that he's walking the wrong way so he goes back to where Chanyeol is, passes him with not much a glance, and doesn't turn back when Chanyeol calls him such a fucking asshole.
*
On Monday he wakes up early. Too early, in fact, that he might just be able to hear Jongdae's entire show. Baekhyun pads into the kitchen with his eyes closed, feeling around for any sort of support. He turns the radio on, prepares himself coffee, and waits.
For a moment there's nothing but songs. Baekhyun almost drifts off on the dining table at the peacefulness of it all until the song breaks and Jongdae greets him good morning! this is kim jongdae--and Baekhyun's up again, blinking the sleep away.
It takes him ages to decide, but seconds to get his phone and dial the number Jongdae recited. He dials, re-dials, and after the hundredth press of the last digit, presses 'call'. It's impossible, though. Jongdae receives a hundred calls whenever he gives out the number for the segment. He's probably going to talk to a different person, from the other side of Seoul, someone Baekhyun doesn't know, probably will never even meet.
The call ends. Jongdae answers with a cheery hello!, and a girl replies. Baekhyun hears the conversation from the living room, where he'd migrated to. Jongdae is still talking to the girl, asking her about mundane, everyday stuff: her name-age-job, her reason for calling.
Baekhyun calls Joonmyun instead.
"Baekhyun?" Joonmyun asks, surprised. Who wouldn't be, though? At this time of the day Baekhyun's unreachable, dead to the world. "Why did you call?"
"The next time Jongdae gets a call," Baekhyun says, each word heavy as lead on his tongue. He swallows and thinks of hanging up. "The next time Jongdae gets a call, push me through,"
Joonmyun takes a long time to reply. "Why?"
"Just--" Baekhyun shuts his eyes, half of him wanting Joonmyun to reject the idea, half of him wanting him not to. "Please."
The next time he makes a call it's Jongdae who answers with the same cheery, "Yes, hello?"
"Yah, Kim Jongdae," Baekhyun says, and for a moment it seems as if the whole world had stopped turning. Jongdae doesn't answer back for awhile, Baekhyun worries he'd already hung up.
"Oh, sorry for the delay," he says finally, sounding on edge, "Didn't think I'd get a call from a guy,"
"But I'm a fan of yours," Baekhyun replies with ease. This, he can do: the flirting. He works better with words, with using them to his advantage. Baekhyun's worked with him for so long he knows what gets him going. "Jongdae-ssi,"
Jongdae's laugh is unrestrained and loud. It's hard not to grin at that. Baekhyun thinks, if it were always this easy to talk to him, then maybe he'd talk to him with the general public always listening on them. It's easier to feel comfortable when he doesn't see Jongdae's smile, doesn't imagine the things it meant behind it.
"And your name is?"
"Do Kyungsoo," Baekhyun didn't even think about answering this; it just kind of slipped out.
Baekhun has to admit, it's a pretty clever thing to say. Jongdae actually laughs for a good measure after that. Somewhere in the area Kyungsoo's probably still sleeping. Or maybe he's waiting in front of Baekhyun's door, ready to kill him. It’s possible.
"Well, Do Kyungsoo--" A snicker, here, "What did you call us for?"
Baekhyun inhales, holds it in. When he exhales, it's with renewed resolve. "Are you--do you hate me?"
Get over yourself, Chanyeol told him. It echoes inside Baekhyun's head now, bounces of the confines and stays there, bothering him until he finally--finally--accepts it, that maybe, maybe he does need to get over himself. To talk to Jongdae about it. The radio might not be the best place to do it, but it's a start.
"I don't." And it's a good thing Baekhyun can't see Jongdae's face at the moment. Baekhyun leans back on the cushion and imagines his face instead: scrunched up eyebrows, mouth pressed into a thin line. Probably thinking, What are you talking about, Baekhyun? "I don't hate you, Do Kyungsoo,"
Baekhyun snorts at the name without meaning to. Jongdae doesn't sound confused at all. The image in his head disappears; and then, it's Jongdae again, looking peaceful, eyes gentle, smile coiled into a tiny, amused smile.
Baekhyun closes his eyes, but the image is still there. "Do you hate...Byun, then," He sounds ridiculous, trying to hide his name. Unlike Kyungsoo, he doesn't get his own alias (Baekhyun had annoyed Kyungsoo for weeks on end after finding out about "D.O." The idea that Kyungsoo probably dislikes him not because of the list actually seems possible now that Baekhyun's thought about it).
Baekhyun waits for Jongdae to laugh this off again, ready to feel the disappointment creep in his system. Jongdae doesn't laugh. Instead, he sighs in the way someone who's given up sighs. He sounds tired. Baekhyun doesn't blame him. Sometimes, Baekhyun can't even convince himself.
"Hate is such a strong word," Jongdae says. Baekhyun nods in agreement, only to stop when he realises Jongdae can't see him. "I prefer the word...intrigued. Curious,"
Baekhyun frowns; that wasn't the answer he was expecting. "I don't think I understand,"
"He's too into himself, you see," Baekhyun chokes, ready to retort. "He thinks everything's about him,"
I do not--
"He's deluded himself that the only thing that could make people recognize him is competition, and him winning it,"
Baekhyun's disbelief grows with every word Jongdae says, it's actually rendered him speechless.
"I don't blame him, though. If you were that talented and skilled, of course you'd be into yourself as well,"
I'm not--
"I think it's pretty cute. Don't you think so, too, Do Kyungsoo-ssi?"
Without really thinking about it, Baekhyun mindlessly agrees. "Yeah, I guess,"
"See?" Jongdae laughs, and this time Baekhyun's sure he's laughing at him. Him, Byun Baekhyun. He feels his face warm up at the embarrassment of having agreed to something he vehemently doesn't believe in. Chanyeol would be thrilled if he were listening at that moment. "It's ridiculous, how into himself he is,"
"So much, in fact," Jongdae says this slowly, with words carefully measured and thought of, "That he’s mistaken what I feel for him as hate,"
Baekhyun straightens in his seat, heart hammering at such a fast pace he could actually hear it in his ears. "So you--"
"I don't hate Byun-ssi, Kyungsoo-ssi," Baekhyun presses the phone to his ear with a force that would probably cause marks later. "I actually kind of like him,"
Baekhyun's grin's too goofy to be shown to anyone but his own reflection right now. He hides the smile behind a trembling hand, listening on as Jongdae finishes, a little wistfully, "A lot."
*
"You're dead," is the first thing Chanyeol tells him upon entering the building. Sehun passes by, sees him, and snickers like a teenager up to no good. Knowing him, he’s probably heard of what happened. Baekhyun really couldn’t care less.
"I don't care. I'm happy,"
What Chanyeol doesn't specify is that he's dead--Kyungsoo knows--better hide somewhere before he runs after you with a vengeance. What he gets is a hug, though. Kyungsoo hugs him in such a weird way: an arm folded beside his head--and it's too late when he realises Kyungsoo's trying to kill him, dislocate his shoulder with the strength you wouldn't think he possesses.
Baekhyun almost cries in pain.
"Use my name again," Kyungsoo says sweetly, heart-shaped smile plastered on his face, "And that's not the only thing I will do to you,"
"That's the last time," Baekhyun even salutes--with his good arm, of course--for added effect. "I apologise, D.O."
The effect is instantaneous: Kyungsoo's face darkens significantly, his fists clench. Chanyeol pulls him away before anything can actually happen. "Okay, Baekhyun," Chanyeol yells, struggling when Kyungsoo's planted both feet on the floor, "You've done enough. Save them for next year,"
"I will!" Baekhyun thinks about it, looking on as Kyungsoo finally gives up the fight and lets Chanyeol pull him away. And then: "Kyungsoo-yah! You're cu--" A hand stops him from asking Kyungsoo to kill him in the most innocent way possible.
It's Jongdae, and his hand is warm. The hand removes itself and Jongdae snakes his arms around his torso, perching his chin on Baekhyun's shoulder. They tighten their grip, and Baekhyun's back presses against Jongdae's chest, and that's warm, too.
"That was a funny trick, by the way," Jongdae says. Baekhyun squirms at the first contact of air against his neck. Jongdae doesn't let go, just waits for Baekhyun stop moving. "Very original,"
"Thanks," Baekhyun grins, feeling proud. "I know,"
Jongdae lets go of him, then. "I meant the call,"
"Oh,"
The awkwardness settles after that. Jongdae scratches at his arms with lack of anything better to do with them. Baekhyun waits for him to say something--anything--and when he doesn't, tells Jongdae to follow him instead.
They arrive at the empty studio where Baekhyun does his shows. Chanyeol's out somewhere. With Jongin, most likely; it's his shift afterall.
Without anything blocking his view, may it be the glass or the phone, it's harder to face Jongdae directly. Jongdae's practically told everyone awake enough to listen to his show yesterday that he liked Baekhyun. A lot, Baekhyun thinks, can't help but smile. Jongdae doesn't see this, too busy looking at everything else.
His eyes land on Baekhyun with renewed determination. "About what I said--" he says, at the same time Baekhyun says, "I'm not that into myself as you think,"
When Jongdae doesn't say a follow up, Baekhyun continues, "If anything, Chanyeol's the one with the ridiculously huge ego. Not me."
"This isn't about him, though," Jongdae says, not unkindly. He pauses, thinking about what to say next. "Look, Baekhyun. About what I said yesterday--well, I meant it."
"You like me,"
"Yes," Follows it up with a groan of embarrassment, hiding his face in his hands. Jongdae's pretty cute, too.
Baekhyun's spent months invested in the idea that Jongdae hated him that it's come off as a total shock finding out that he doesn't. The facade breaks, and Baekhyun sees, for the first time, everything he should've seen Jongdae be the past months: flustered, trembling, ready for disappointment. He'd seen this side, thought he'd imagined it, and buried it in his memory ever since: Jongdae, vulnerable and stripped off of his confidence. Laid out bear for him to finally see.
Baekyun kicks into overdrive. The idea of paying Jongdae back for all the shit he's unknowingly put Baekhyun through is too tempting to ignore.
He frowns. "Is this a joke?"
"What?" Jongdae asks, insulted. "Is this a joke?"
"Yes," Baekhyun says, looking around. "Is this Kyungsoo's revenge for calling him D.O. for over a month?"
"It's not--god." Jongdae runs a hand over his tired face. Ten more minutes and it's Baekhyun's shift. Jongdae’s getting worked up for this seemingly petty thing, and Baekhyun’s basking in the moment. Let him suffer. "Fuck, Baekhyun. You're--"
"I don't hate you," Jongdae says in disbelief. He steps closer, and Baekhyun doesn't even flinch, waiting for it. A little more push and he'd run into Baekhyun's arms. "I just told everyone I liked you, for crying out loud. And here you're--you're--"
"I'm what?" Baekhyun says. His poker face slips, then. Makes the corner of his lips rise into an annoyingly coy smile. Jongdae sees it happen--eyes going wide at the sudden realisation. He yells out, frustrated, and all Baekhyun does is pull him by the hem of his jacket, and finally kisses him.
Because, god. That took so long. It'd be great to stress Jongdae out more, but time's running out.
When Chanyeol arrives it's to them making out on the couch, Baekhyun's face nuzzled in the space where Jongdae's shoulder met his neck, a hand creeping under Jongdae's shirt.
"Oooookay, guys," Chanyeol half-yells, pulling Baekhyun off Jongdae's body. Jongdae looks as messed up as Baekhyun probably is, and Chanyeol gags in front of them, over exaggerating his actions. Baekhyun kicks him and doesn't apologize.
Inside the studio he slips on the headphones and waits for Chanyeol to do his job. On the other side of the glass Chanyeol reprimands Jongdae, hands on the controls, except Jongdae isn't listening, not really. He nods, waving him away, but his eyes are on Baekhyun.
Baekhyun grins, waits for the go signal, and opens his mouth to speak.
*
"Kyungsoo's idea." Jongdae admits later on.
Baekhyun is shocked into silence for a good 2 minutes. "No way."
Jongdae only nods.
"So the whole--you weren't--"
Another nod.
"He made you change your shift so I'd think you hated me?" Another nod. "And he made you decline my offer?" Another nod.
Baekhyun lets the new information sink in before sitting up and tousling his hair in frustration. "I'm going to kill him," he announces with fervor, standing up, "I'm going to kill him right now,"
Jongdae's arms snake around his waist and pulls him back to the bench. "Just--stop moving."
Baekhyun struggles a bit more, just for show. He eventually settles down, and it's not as if he had wanted to move any more than that, anyway. Jongdae replaces his head on his shoulder.
"We could," Jongdae suggests, voice soft, "talk shit about him,"
"Yeah, so everybody could hear,"
"That sounds great," Jongdae murmurs, but he's not really conscious enough to think about what he's saying anymore. He has his eyes closed, already falling asleep. Chanyeol chooses that time to appear with their coffee. At the sight, he pretends to gag, and Baekhyun grins back cheekily, raising their joined hands to let him see.
*
In the end they don't become partners. Baekhyun still arrives earlier than Jongdae does, but halfway through his show Jongdae's there, watching him from behind the glass, listening to every word he's saying. Sometimes he'd call, just for fun--and with every call comes a new name, like Chen or Lay. Or D.O., if they felt brave enough to use it.
Baekhyun stays during Jongdae's shows as well. Waits for him like Jongdae does. Stays confined from the other side of the glass, just watching. Observing. Baekhyun's looked at only himself for so long, stressing over the faults Jongdae "hated" in him, that it's as if he's meeting Jongdae for the first time in the span of the time they've worked together.
When he laughs, he laughs with his body. He doesn't do the same hand movement thing Jongin usually does, but when he talks it's as if he's talking to another live person in the room. Too engrossed in the conversation, sometimes, that Baekhyun considers calling him again to talk to him. He doesn't. He lets Jongdae do his work, undisturbed.
And he stays there, watching him. He waits until his eyes give out, finally falling asleep on the couch beside Chanyeol.
He wakes up to Jongdae's cheery, yet soft, goodbye's. Baekhyun usually sits up before Jongdae goes out, fixing his hair, wiping the drool off.
"Ready to go?" Jongdae asks, stifling a yawn and failing, hiding it behind a polite hand instead.
Baekhyun yawns, doesn't bother covering it. "Yep. Let's go,"
Title Talk About Delusional
Pairing Baekhyun/Chen
Rating pg-13
Word Count 8126
Summary There are three facts: Sehun sucks at what he does, Kyungsoo isn't to be called D.O outside of work, and the list isn't that much of a big deal as everyone makes it out to be. Radio DJs au.
Baekhyun says his goodbye and lets the song take over. He leans back, stretching, and stays suspended in that position until his back starts to ache. On the other side of the glass Chanyeol gives him the usual thumbs up; he's free to go.
"We're going drinking after Jongdae's shift," Chanyeol tells him once he gets out of the studio, handing him a cup of coffee, "Wanna come?"
Baekhyun lets the suggestion sink in, thinking about it. "But that's after midnight,"
Chanyeol grins cheekily. "Yeah, well, isn't it better to go drinking past midnight?"
Baekhyun doesn't get the logic behind what he said, so he just shrugs in response and waves him away. In the hallway it's colder, and Baekhyun shivers bodily, downing his drink and throwing it to the nearby bin. It doesn't go in. It's Jongdae who picks it up, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.
“Woah," Baekhyun says, staggering back. "I didn't see you,"
"Of course you didn't," Jongdae replies airily, "I'm a ghost," He does this arm-wave thing as he says it, breaking into a laugh when Baekhyun only snorts.
"I won," Jongdae informs him. He says this with the confidence of someone saying the truth. At Baekhyun's silence, he repeats it again, pointing to the general direction of the list. "I won. Look at it,"
Baekhyun's eyes go wide. "No way."
Jongdae's answering laugh makes Baekhyun run all the way to the end of the hallway where he stares, in utter disbelief, at his name under Kim Jongdae on the lone paper posted on the bulletin board. When he looks back Jongdae's disappeared inside the studio, and Baekhyun stays there, staring at the place where he'd laughed at his misfortune.
*
"That was a joke, by the way," Jongdae says later on at the restaurant. Baekhyun had grudgingly agreed to come with them to ‘mend his wounded pride’. "The week's ranking? That was a joke,"
"You're kidding,"
"I am not," Jongdae replies. He points to the far end of the table where Kyungsoo's looking over at them with the same sneer he usually directs at Baekhyun. He raises a glass to them and Jongdae mimics him, downing his drink before continuing, "It was Kyungsoo's idea. He wanted to know how you'd react,"
When Baekhyun doesn't reply except to give Kyungsoo the finger, Jongdae says, "You of all people should know that Minseok-hyung replaces that every Friday, Baek. It's only Wednesday today,"
"Yeah, and I should be in bed," Baekhyun mutters, hand reaching out for a tissue. He wipes his mouth clean and throws the tissue to the general direction of Kyungsoo's chair, except it doesn't really reach him, just lands on the pile of meat Chanyeol's been stealing off Joonmyun's plate. Baekhyun snorts back a laugh. He leans back, closing his eyes. "God, I'm sleepy,"
"Want me to take you home?" Jongdae suggests. Baekhyun opens his eyes to catch Jongdae's smirk. He’s flushed red from the alcohol, eyes bright but not unfocused. It’s disappointing, Baekhyun thinks, to see that he’s not even smirking. Baekhyun shrugs his concern away. He straightens up in his seat and looks Jongdae in the eye.
"Why are you like that?" he demands, even before he registers what he's talking about. The words have left his mouth already, though; no point in taking them back.
"Why am I like what?" Jongdae asks. Baekhyun searches his face, comes up with nothing.
"Nothing," he mutters, as the entire group laughs on, as Jongdae looks at him with the same lost expression he knows he's wearing. "It's nothing,"
*
Friday comes with the new ratings for the week. Baekhyun tails after Minseok as soon as he arrives and doesn't stop bothering him until he posts the paper onto the bulletin board. He isn't entirely surprised to see his name's at the top; it's expected, of course he won. Jongdae's still under his name, except this time he's gained a significant increase in the numbers.
"Congrats," Jongdae says behind him, and not for the first time Baekhyun jumps in shock. Jongdae laughs, but his eyes don't leave the list. "Oh, great. I'm catching up,"
"Don't get too cocky," Baekhyun scoffs, bumping his shoulder, "You still got a long a way to go, little grasshopper,"
Jongdae laughs, like he always does. It has always been his response. Baekhyun isn't entirely put off by it, but he'd been hoping for a different reaction this time: a twitch, a slip off the usual cheery facade he always carries. And is it even a facade? Baekhyun isn't sure. Everything about Jongdae makes him double take, makes him step back to look at the bigger picture. Except when he tries to there's nothing else to see but the exact same thing: it’s just Jongdae, looking as if he was genuinely happy for him winning for the nth week, when in reality he should be acting anything but.
"You won again, huh," Kyungsoo mentions casually as he passes by, although his eye twitches as if he weren't the slightest bit happy about it. Baekhyun's used to this, everybody is. "Congratulations,"
"He's making this whole ranking thing such a big deal," Baekhyun mutters when Kyungsoo's turned the corner and out of earshot. "It's ridiculous,"
"Don't you?" Jongdae tells him, and Baekhyun's taken back at the nonchalant way he's said it, as if he's resigned to the fact that Baekhyun does, that Baekhyun thinks of this whole non-competition as much of a big deal as Kyungsoo does.
"I--" Baekhyun starts, doesn't finish. Jongdae's lost interest in the conversation by then, saying something about the recent influx of messages he's been getting instead.
It's 4 hours too early for Jongdae's shift, an hour before Baekhyun's. Baekhyun's considered making him stay with him, make him listen to his show, make him realise that this isn't about winning the weekly ratings. Make him realises that it's more than that, has always been.
He doesn't. "Where will you stay while waiting?"
"I'm thinking of hanging out at this nearby cafe," Jongdae replies with the normalcy of being co-workers for months. He doesn't invite Baekhyun to come with him.
"Okay, then," and Baekhyun turns to where his studio is. He doesn't turn back.
*
There really isn't any competition going, as much as Baekhyun is concerned. What there really is to it is just a weekly rating of what each DJ had received that week, a tally of listeners they've gained written in numbers they could understand. Minseok says it's for recognition. Joonmyun says it's to help them improve. Kyungsoo doesn't think it's for anything except to win against Baekhyun. Jongdae doesn't think of it as anything at all, except maybe to cheer for Baekhyun when he gets the number 1 spot for the hundredth time.
Hundredth time is such a big leap from the truth, though, because Baekhyun's joined later than everyone in the department. It's only been 6 months since he's joined, but he's been told he isn't the only new guy. Kim Jongdae had also joined that year, a couple of months before he did. Before Baekhyun came the ratings were rotational, although from what he'd heard Jongdae had usually gotten the first spot.
But Baekhyun’s always been up to competition anyway. At first he'd zeroed in on Kyungsoo--Kyungsoo who'd get flustered when Baekhyun won and shoved it in his face. Not that Kyungsoo was a sore loser, no--that was just the way he is, Chanyeol had explained. He also gave Jongdae the cold shoulder when he'd won, so Baekhyun didn't feel too bad.
Jongdae was the first one he saw upon entering the company. He was way too early at that time, too, prowling around the first floor nursing a cup of coffee in hand. Jongdae gave him one interested look and thought it was a good idea to pretend he was the Big Boss and made Baekhyun do a lot of errands for him as if Baekhyun were still the same 19-year old intern he was years back. By the end of the day he was exhausted from running around the building he didn't even know a clue about, fetching Jongdae Important Things, and it would've gone on for a few more hours if Chanyeol hadn't caught him getting Jongdae his 5th coffee of the day and told him he had a few minutes left before his first show.
("We do that," Jongdae would say later, as Baekhyun seethed at him from where he sat. "I hope you're not too mad,"
"I did that to him, too," Chanyeol grinned, patting Jongdae on the back so violent that it made Jongdae spill his drink on the table. Baekhyun flinched with every slap of his hand on Jongdae's skin. Kyungsoo wiped the table and disposed the tissue. At that time he really thought Kyungsoo was this gentle and quiet third person whom Chanyeol would always drag around for company. He was right about the quiet part. Only the quiet part.
"Made me run around buying him stuff he didn't even need," Jongdae confessed, simultaneously coughing and keeping up with the conversation. "Outside the building, mind you,"
"Hey, Minseok appreciated the croissants you got him,"
"Croissants from the other side of the city, you mean,"
"That's an exaggeration," Kyungsoo said, for some reason always there to clarify things for Chanyeol's sake. Jongdae scoffed at him and he'd grinned, Baekhyun seeing the heart-shaped smile for the first time.
"Woah, you're cute," Baekhyun would later regret saying. Kyungsoo'd zeroed in on him, then, and Chanyeol had laughed so loud everybody in the area turned to look at them.
"I like you," he said, wrapping an arm around Kyungsoo's red face, shaking his head as if he couldn't believe Baekhyun had actually said that.
Jongdae had poured him another glass of beer, eyes bright. "I like you, too,")
And it wasn't really such a big competition to pour that much effort to win, anyway. Kyungsoo would look especially thrilled when he did win, which were a lot of times. Jongdae would laugh it off as another Normal Thing. Baekhyun was happy for them whenever it happened, because he'd had his fair share of wins, too.
One time he'd won for 4 consecutive weeks straight, something that's never happened before. Jongdae was there when he'd stared at the list with something akin to shock, and, on a lesser scale, pride. The happiness he felt back then had him curling his toes, had his grin bordering between insane and goofy. That wasn't about making Kyungsoo red anymore. That was about his not-so-tiny achievement: 3 months in the business and he'd won 4 times.
The sound of Jongdae's feet shuffling had Baekhyun remembering he was also there to witness Baekhyun's Great Accomplishment.
"First again, huh," Jongdae had said, and he'd laughed, and he'd gone his way. He patted Baekhyun on the butt before leaving. Baekhyun stayed, forgotten about his win, and felt like he’d lost something.
*
On the other side of the glass Jongin reclines in his seat, yawning, mouth so wide Baekhyun's sure he could fit an entire fist in there. He makes a motion to show Jongin just that, and he laughs, falling off of his chair. It's a good thing they're playing music at that time, or that sound of his groaning would resound all throughout the radios of everyone listening. They'd think SarangHaJa!'s broadcasting porn now.
Baekhyun thinks about telling it to Minseok later, more for the scandalized look on his face than anything else.
"What did Jongdae say about it?" Chanyeol asks casually, mouth around a bottle of water.
"He doesn't want to." Baekhyun replies, probably more bitter than he'd initially intended. He nurses his attempt at nonchalance with a noncommittal shrug, but Chanyeol sees right through it.
"And did you ask him why?"
"I didn't," Baekhyun says. "Stop being nosy,"
"You wanted this, remember?" Chanyeol turns his chair so he's facing Baekhyun. Baekhyun kicks him back to his place, and it causes Chanyeol to keep turning and turning until he almost falls off of his chair himself. Jongin sees and laughs so loud he apologises afterwards to the mic.
"You suggested it," Baekhyun retorts, crossing his arms petulantly. "And if Jongdae doesn't want to work with me, then it's fine,"
Chanyeol doesn't push the subject after that. Jongin talks animatedly to the microphone as if talking to an old friend, but that's how everyone looks like anyway. Having the place listen to you like an invisible companion, have them react to everything you say. Baekhyun stares at him from the other side of the glass and wonders how Jongdae would look like if he saw him in his work; would he do silly hand movements like Jongin does, would he stutter and shy away from the mic like Kyungsoo sometimes, or would he laugh a lot at such nonsense like Sehun.
He's never watched Jongdae work. It's not as if Jongdae would want him to, anyway.
"He hates me, you know," Baekhyun thinks out loud, regretting it immediately when Chanyeol turns to give him an annoyingly knowing smile. And this is what's annoying with Chanyeol: he acts as if he's dropped the subject because of the lack of interest, but that's exactly what makes Baekhyun keep talking, because Chanyeol knows this work, knows how to keep the DJs talking, motioning them whatever from the other side of the glass like a silent intructor of some sort. Baekhyun's never needed it, of course, but it's still annoying nonetheless.
"That's ridiculous," Chanyeol says, laughing as if he thought it didn't bother Baekhyun as much as he’s letting on, when in reality it’s what’s always on his mind. Now that it's out in the open Baekhyun's dreaded it more than ever, because saying it out loud not only lets Chanyeol see through his real feelings, but it also makes it more believable than before, because now he's convinced even himself that it's true.
"He doesn't hate you," Chanyeol tells him seriously when he doesn't give a snarky comeback.
Baekhyun scoffs like it isn't such a big deal. He hopes it isn't such a big deal.
*
The next week comes with new rankings. After a lot of time spent on begging and using aegyo, Minseok finally agrees to tweak the rankings, a little: Kyungsoo jumps from his usual number 3 onto top 2. Baekhyun drops two places. Jongdae rises up and becomes number 1.
Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyun supiciously as if he knows. Baekhun congratulates him, anyway.
Jongdae arrives later than the rest. "Woah," he says, eyes filled with awe. They dim as fast as they brightened, looking at Baekhyun with the same uncertainty Kyungsoo's had. "What happened?"
"You won," Baekhyun says, "That's what happened."
Baekhyun must admit, he's actually pretty sharp about this kind of thing. Jongdae's face breaks into a grin, catching on. "What did you do, Baekhyun?"
"I might've..." Baekhyun says cautiously,scratching his nape. "Asked Minseok a favor..."
Instead of looking upset, Jongdae actually looks pleased about everything. He cocks his head, amused, and Baekhyun fidgets under the scrutiny, feeling his cheeks burn.
"And you did this because?"
Because a few days back he'd pulled Jongdae aside and asked him if he wanted to be his partner. He'd been so confident Jongdae would agree--it's a good proposal, they'd be great working together--that when Jongdae had politely declined it was Baekhyun's confidence that took the toll. Rejection never registered as a possible outcome.
"Wanted to give Kyungsoo something to be happy about," Baekhyun lies, hopes it's convincing enough.
It's not. Jongdae places a hand on his shoulder, and Baekhyun's skin filters its warmth, the comfort it should provide. Jongdae's done this enough times that Baekhyun's memorised it step-by-step: After the always inevitable display of disinterest in Anything Baekhyun, he'd ask what's wrong, put on a face of concern.
"If this is about your invitation--" Jongdae says slowly.
"It's not." Baekyun cuts him off, stepping back so Jongdae's hand falls. "It's not about that,"
Jongdae opens his mouth to say something, deliberates, then decides against it. There's no one in the area to direct the attention to. Baekhyun's mind races to think of something to compensate for the silence. Something witty, but dismissive.
It's Jongdae who says it. "Well, then," he says, clapping his hands. "Let's just make sure Kyungsoo doesn't find about this,"
Baekhyun lets out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "That, I can manage to do,"
*
Jongdae's told him, exactly once, that the reason his shift's so late into the night--9 pm to 12 am, specifically--is because he likes the peacefulness of it all. Baekhyun had argued that his shift's quiet as well, but Jongdae had shook his head and said, "You would think my shift's dead. Most people would. They usually wonder why I even DJ during that time, especially with everyone asleep already,"
Baekhyun had actually never thought about it until Jongdae had pointed it out, but--okay. "Okay, so?"
"Well, you see, not everyone sleeps at that time. People like those ahjussi drivers that go around the city, nurses that take care of the sick, those employees that work overtime--they don't actually fall asleep. They stay up, and, when I'm lucky, they stay to listen to me. I talk to them, help them stay awake, you know?"
"And sometimes," His eyes were unusually bright for the night. Baekhyun had met him outside the studio as he was about to go home. They all had intervals between their shows, and Baekhyun had taken the chance to ask about this, something he'd always been curious about ever since. "They talk to me, too,"
"You're creepy," Baekhyun had said, because by that time Jongdae had launched into another arm-wave thing he usually did when he was creeping people out (and failing).
Jongdae's laugh was also out of place in the quietness of the night. Baekhyun itched to watch him while he did show, but didn't feel like he was allowed to unless Jongdae invited himself.
"Seriously, though," Jongdae continued, once he’d sobered up, "It's pretty peaceful during the night,"
"So why," Baekhyun says now, teeth clenched, heart heavy, hands fisted, "Why would Jongdae suddenly quit the night shift and take the morning one?"
Chanyeol gives him a look Baekhyun doesn't understand. He opens the door to the studio and places a gentle hand on Baekhyun's back, pushing him in. "Beats me,"
*
Aside from working as a DJ in SarangHaJa!, Jongdae also works as a jazz singer down a dainty place a block away from the place, coming in at lunch and singing until 7, which explains how sometimes he's nowhere to be seen when Baekhyun gets into the building. He doesn't sing on Fridays; Fridays are spent on pestering Minseok the same way Baekhyun does for the new list of rankings. Fridays are also spent avoiding watching Baekhyun at work and instead staying at a nearby cafe, Baekhyun thinks bitterly.
An hour before his shift Baekhyun heads out to seek him. It's pretty brave, walking up to Jongdae without any prior heads up.
He's been here a couple of times already. The food's great, the ambiance welcoming, but the tiny jazz band is really what makes everything worth it. Jongdae sings like he owns the place, and maybe he does--maybe he will, especially with that kind of voice. Baekhyun's thought of getting jealous sometimes; yes, thought of it, because he's never felt the need to, for some reason.
And maybe that's it. Maybe--
"Look," Baekhyun says, pulling Jongdae aside when he takes a break. Jongdae looks especially good in what he's wearing: a simple dress shirt, nice pants. Something he wouldn't normally wear in the confines of the studio.
Jongdae blinks at him in shock, then recognition. “Yixing-hyung," he calls out, and the guy on the piano looks at them, "I’ll be back in a while,”
The guy simply nods and Baekhyun's back to pulling Jongdae away from the stage. They stay hidden behind a plant in some corner. It's ridiculous, how secretive they're acting, and it's making Jongdae giggle like they're playing some silly game of hide-and-seek.
"What is it?" he asks, and he's still smiling the usual way.
Baekhyun's come to talk to him about the sudden shift change, but what comes out is a needy, maybe too desperate, not to mention totally out of character, "Why do you hate me so much?"
And it shouldn't even be a surprise anymore, considering the amount of times Jongdae's done it in the span of months they've worked together, and yet Baekhyun’s still unprepared when Jongdae just laughs. Jongdae laughs and Baekhyun feels as lost as ever.
"What?"
"You hate me, don't you?" He sounds ridiculous even to his ears. Chanyeol had laughed when he told him this, told him it wasn't true and that Jongdae didn't. Baekhyun'd always kept him to his word, but recently it has been hard to, especially with every day he gets slapped in the face with the fact that maybe Jongdae does. And look--Jongdae's. Jongdae's closing off. He's not even smiling anymore.
"Baekhyun--"
"You see, look--" Baekhyun runs a frustrated hand in his hair, pulls it out with difficulty. Today he'd woken up earlier than he usually does just to listen to Jongdae's show. Not that he's always listened to his show, of course. It's a matter of give and take, for Baekhyun. A matter of obligation: if Jongdae didn't listen to his show, there was no reason for Baekhyun to listen to his.
He wanted to make sure if he did change shifts. Baekhyun turned the radio on that morning and didn't know what to expect. It came out scratchy at first, probably because of the bad signal, and, when Baekhyun tinkered with the antennae, there it was: Jongdae's voice, waking up Seoul, laughing at them, telling them to get up and have a good day.
"You always do this thing--" Baekhyun shouldn't even be frustrated about this. Shouldn't even work himself up for one person's recognition. He never needed it. Never thought he needed it until now. He's okay with being number 1 if it meant being able to rub it in Kyungsoo's face, but that's only because Kyungsoo's cute in his own, enraged way. Jongdae, though.
Jongdae's looking as lost as he feels.
The tension breaks when Yixing calls for Jongdae on the mic, voice beckoning Jongdae to come back, they're playing the next set. Baekhyun himself is already running late a little. If he ran right now he'd still be able to make it to the building before his shift starts.
"I was kidding," Baekhun is quick to say, when Jongdae looks as if he's about to stop him from leaving, hand already on Baekhyun's arm to make him stay. He grins with effort. "I know you love me,"
Jongdae lets his hand slide down Baekhyun's arm before he retracts. "Yeah," Jongdae says finally, sighing in...relief? Anxiety? Baekhyun isn't too sure. "Yeah, I do,"
Baekhyun shouldn't even feel the tiniest bit happy at that, knowing it's probably forced. As forced as the smile he’s wearing, at least.
"Bye, then," Baekhun finishes lamely, already turning back to the door.
*
He wins by Friday, reclaiming his previous position. Kyungsoo isn't especially happy about it, but he pats Baekhyun on the butt. It’s his way of saying 'Congratulations'. Baekhyun would take this instead of his usual deadpan any day. Jongdae isn't there to see the list, when normally he would be. Baekhyun's optimism leads him to think that he's probably just busy with something else, but his thoughts soon arrive at the conclusion that he's not here because he's avoiding him.
"He hates me," Baekhyun tells Chanyeol firmly. Chanyeol opens his mouth to argue, but Baekhyun's quick to stop him, raising his hand to cover his mouth. Chanyeol's lips move against his skin and he removes them, disgusted. "Ew, Chanyeol, that's disgusting,"
"I said he doesn't hate you," Chanyeol tells him, ruffling his hair.
"Stop doing that," Baekhyun snarls, moving away from his hand. "I'm not Kyungsoo,"
"Who hates who?" Jongin appears, Sehun in tow. They don't seem particularly interested in their conversation, going straight for the bulletin board. Jongin scans it, finds his name, and laughs so hard Baekhyun thinks he might fall over.
"I'm last again," Sehun pouts, Jongin still latched onto his arm as if his life depended on it. He doesn't look upset, just disappointed, and even that disappears as fast as it appeared.
"He's permanently at the bottom," he explains to Baekhyun, grin so boyish it's actually quite cute. "It's funny how we still go here every Friday even if we know he's at the bottom every time,"
"One day," Sehun says, but he doesn't look threatening at all. He actually looks happy for someone who's consistently sucked at this. "One day, Kim Jongin,"
"Yeah, yeah," Jongin laughs, already tugging him away. "Oh, and Baekhyun-hyung?" Baekhyun perks up at his name. "Jongdae-hyung doesn't hate you,"
Sehun gives him a disinterested once over and widens his eyes. "Who said so?"
Jongin jerks his chin towards Baekhyun. Sehun opens his mouth to say something, but he's pulled away even before he can say the first syllable.
"See?" Chanyeol says, sounding annoyingly triumphant, "I told you he doesn't."
*
To an extent, it is as if nothing's changed.
Baekhyun still wakes up way past into the afternoon and does his usual routine of walking around his apartment with his eyes closed, making lunch for himself, lounging on the couch. Sometimes he'd drift off again, but he wakes up before he sleeps for too long.
In the studio he doesn't see Jongdae anymore. Chanyeol catches him looking sometimes and, when their eyes meet, tells Baekhyun with a seriousness that looks out of place, "He doesn't hate you, god,"
Baekhyun would've argued, except Chanyeol doesn't look as if he's waiting for Baekhyun's retort.
Friday comes and it's the same list again. Sehun's still the last, Kyungsoo's still stuck in his position. This time Jongdae's there looking up at it with the same usual cheery expression, and it's weird to see him so unfazed by that list, considering how everyone in the department acts around it.
"Hey, you won again," Jongdae says as he hears Baekhyun approach, and Baekhyun's taken aback at how familiar Jongdae is with his presence without even looking at him directly.
"It's not a competition," Baekhyun mumbles.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing," Baekhyun sighs, having lost interest in the list, in the whole ranking. Jongdae senses his dejection and wraps a comforting arm around him, nudging him playfully.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"Why are you here?" Baekhyun asks back, sounding more frustrated than he's currently letting on.
Jongdae doesn't notice. "I thought of passing by to see the results," he says, "I wasn't here last time,"
Of course, Baekhyun knows. Jongdae acts as if Baekhyun didn't know, as if Baekhyun didn't have the slightest interest in his whereabouts, as if he didn’t care even if Baekhyun did.
Inside Baekhyun is a hurricane of frustration: at Jongdae, at the stupid list, at everything. At Chanyeol who tells him Jongdae doesn't hate him when he probably does. Because it's so fucking obvious, see: he avoids him, changes his shift, and rejects the idea of being in a show together with him. If that doesn't spell out his hatred--strong word--okay, dislike, then--then Baekhyun doesn't know what does. And Baekhyun isn't sure why he's even affected this much. Kyungsoo shows his dislike more often than not. But then again, it's Kyungsoo--Kyungsoo's always been passive-aggressive. Hard to pin down what he's feelings most of the time, but he probably doesn't hate him.
But Jongdae's different. Jongdae who gives him cheerful smiles and genuinely congratulates him when he wins. The fact that he acts too nice around him makes Baekhyun want to pull him away and rip the smile off his face, makes Baekhyun want to try harder, want to shove it in his face that he's always been winning, makes him want to steal his listeners and watch his cheshire smile twitch.
Who's doing the hating here again?
"--thinking of watching tonight," Jongdae is saying.
Baekhyun blinks and the frustration's gone. What registers is Jongdae's close proximity to his face, his hot breath against Baekhyun's nape. "What did you say?"
"I said I was thinking of watching you DJ tonight," Jongdae says. And then, when Baekhyun recoils from his breath, he grins at the discovery, testing it out. Jongdae blows. Baekhyun pushes him away, laughing. "With Chanyeol," Jongdae finishes, still with that same sly grin. "Is it okay?"
"Want to see how it works, huh?" Baekhyun says, and regrets it immediately. It's there again, his cockiness. It comes from years of proving himself, but sometimes Baekhyun curses it, especially when he doesn't mean to use it.
Jongdae just laughs, unfazed. As if he's okay with Baekhyun acting like he’s The Shit. Or maybe he's just an idiot, Baekhyun thinks, because that's what Chanyeol's always told him.
*
It's hard to do his job when just behind the glass is Jongdae, looking at him with a stare that doesn't seem mocking nor bored. He looks at him how he would look at something he's intrigued by: deeply enamoured, interested. Chanyeol is out somewhere, probably walking around to stretch his legs, which leaves the both of them alone, the only thing separating them from breathing the same air is the glass. A shift in position changes Baekhyun's view of the light that blocks Jongdae's face.
Jongdae catches his eyes and suddenly grins, giving him a thumbs up. Baekhyun blinks, choking on the water he's drinking. Jongdae laughs at him, mouth open in a silent laughter.
Baekhyun hears him anyway. Months of working with the guy, hearing his laugh, has him memorise the sound he makes. He laughs with him, silently, and the sound of mind-Jongdae's laugh makes it way to hollow space inside Baekhyun's ribs. It grounds him. Makes him sit taller and lean forward to take back the headphones as the song nears its ends.
*
"Are you still convinced he hates you?" Chanyeol asks him on the way out of the building. Jongdae's already gone off, saying something about needing to wake up early for his shift. Baekhyun shuffles his feet, thinking about it.
When he gets too long to reply, Chanyeol sighs, punching him in the arm. Hard.
Baekhyun doesn't yell out in pain, but he stumbles to the side, almost falling over had Chanyeol not pulled him back. He glares. "What did you do that for?"
"You need to get over yourself," Chanyeol tells him. Baekhyun fists his hand, ready to punch in retaliation, when the words start to sink in.
"What,"
"You need to get over yourself," Chanyeol repeats with the same patient tone. It sounds weird, coming from him. Baekhyun's too accustomed to hearing him yell that hearing him sound genuinely worried for him has him doubting his hearing. "You think everything's about you, Baek,"
"I don't," Baekhyun snaps, automatically getting defensive. This is not about him. Jongdae hating him isn't about Baekhyun at all. In fact, it's about Jongdae himself.
"No, it's not," Chanyeol pinches the bridge of his nose. Baekhyun blinks; he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Chanyeol looks like how a father would look like after hours of reprimanding his son. The image is strangely insulting, Baekhyun realises belatedly. "You think he hates you because of the list,"
"Noooo," Baekhyun says, "He hates me because of the li--"
"See," Chanyeol grins, poking the skin between Baekhyun's eyes. "Everything's a competition to you,"
"It's not," And Baekhyun's starting to get angry, a little. He's not here to be scolded, to be told of things that aren't even true. "In fact, the one you should be telling that to is Kyungsoo. That guy's been on my tails for months now, and that's only because of that stupid list!"
"Kyungsoo's always been like that," Chanyeol frowns, not in anger but in confusion. "You seriously thought Kyungsoo's that immature?"
Baekhyun has to stop himself from nodding automatically. "Not the point." He says instead, waving a dismissive hand. "This is not about me."
"You think Jongdae hates you because of the list," Chanyeol says, "You think he's jealous because you've been winning all this time and he's not. You think he didn't want to be in a show with you because he thinks you don't need him. You think he changed shifts because he's intimidated."
Bullseye. Baekhyun nods, slowly, and Chanyeol's groan of exasperation makes Baekhyun blush in embarrassment.
"Ah, fuck, Baekhyun." Chanyeol presses the heels of his hands to his eyes, inhaling a sharp intake of cold air. "You need to get over yourself,"
Baekhyun makes a sound resembling a growl. "You don't understand--"
"No, you don't understand," Chanyeol says, placing both hands on Baekhyun's shoulders. "It's not--this isn't--look. You're looking at this whole thing the wrong way. Why don't you talk to him properly?"
Baekhun contorts his face in irritation. Chanyeol is unfazed. His hands stay heavy on his shoulders, unrelenting.
"But before that, you need to get over yourself,"
Baekhyun's had it. He steps on his foot with all his might and relishes in Chanyeol's yell of pain. He turns back and walks away, only to realise that he's walking the wrong way so he goes back to where Chanyeol is, passes him with not much a glance, and doesn't turn back when Chanyeol calls him such a fucking asshole.
*
On Monday he wakes up early. Too early, in fact, that he might just be able to hear Jongdae's entire show. Baekhyun pads into the kitchen with his eyes closed, feeling around for any sort of support. He turns the radio on, prepares himself coffee, and waits.
For a moment there's nothing but songs. Baekhyun almost drifts off on the dining table at the peacefulness of it all until the song breaks and Jongdae greets him good morning! this is kim jongdae--and Baekhyun's up again, blinking the sleep away.
It takes him ages to decide, but seconds to get his phone and dial the number Jongdae recited. He dials, re-dials, and after the hundredth press of the last digit, presses 'call'. It's impossible, though. Jongdae receives a hundred calls whenever he gives out the number for the segment. He's probably going to talk to a different person, from the other side of Seoul, someone Baekhyun doesn't know, probably will never even meet.
The call ends. Jongdae answers with a cheery hello!, and a girl replies. Baekhyun hears the conversation from the living room, where he'd migrated to. Jongdae is still talking to the girl, asking her about mundane, everyday stuff: her name-age-job, her reason for calling.
Baekhyun calls Joonmyun instead.
"Baekhyun?" Joonmyun asks, surprised. Who wouldn't be, though? At this time of the day Baekhyun's unreachable, dead to the world. "Why did you call?"
"The next time Jongdae gets a call," Baekhyun says, each word heavy as lead on his tongue. He swallows and thinks of hanging up. "The next time Jongdae gets a call, push me through,"
Joonmyun takes a long time to reply. "Why?"
"Just--" Baekhyun shuts his eyes, half of him wanting Joonmyun to reject the idea, half of him wanting him not to. "Please."
The next time he makes a call it's Jongdae who answers with the same cheery, "Yes, hello?"
"Yah, Kim Jongdae," Baekhyun says, and for a moment it seems as if the whole world had stopped turning. Jongdae doesn't answer back for awhile, Baekhyun worries he'd already hung up.
"Oh, sorry for the delay," he says finally, sounding on edge, "Didn't think I'd get a call from a guy,"
"But I'm a fan of yours," Baekhyun replies with ease. This, he can do: the flirting. He works better with words, with using them to his advantage. Baekhyun's worked with him for so long he knows what gets him going. "Jongdae-ssi,"
Jongdae's laugh is unrestrained and loud. It's hard not to grin at that. Baekhyun thinks, if it were always this easy to talk to him, then maybe he'd talk to him with the general public always listening on them. It's easier to feel comfortable when he doesn't see Jongdae's smile, doesn't imagine the things it meant behind it.
"And your name is?"
"Do Kyungsoo," Baekhyun didn't even think about answering this; it just kind of slipped out.
Baekhun has to admit, it's a pretty clever thing to say. Jongdae actually laughs for a good measure after that. Somewhere in the area Kyungsoo's probably still sleeping. Or maybe he's waiting in front of Baekhyun's door, ready to kill him. It’s possible.
"Well, Do Kyungsoo--" A snicker, here, "What did you call us for?"
Baekhyun inhales, holds it in. When he exhales, it's with renewed resolve. "Are you--do you hate me?"
Get over yourself, Chanyeol told him. It echoes inside Baekhyun's head now, bounces of the confines and stays there, bothering him until he finally--finally--accepts it, that maybe, maybe he does need to get over himself. To talk to Jongdae about it. The radio might not be the best place to do it, but it's a start.
"I don't." And it's a good thing Baekhyun can't see Jongdae's face at the moment. Baekhyun leans back on the cushion and imagines his face instead: scrunched up eyebrows, mouth pressed into a thin line. Probably thinking, What are you talking about, Baekhyun? "I don't hate you, Do Kyungsoo,"
Baekhyun snorts at the name without meaning to. Jongdae doesn't sound confused at all. The image in his head disappears; and then, it's Jongdae again, looking peaceful, eyes gentle, smile coiled into a tiny, amused smile.
Baekhyun closes his eyes, but the image is still there. "Do you hate...Byun, then," He sounds ridiculous, trying to hide his name. Unlike Kyungsoo, he doesn't get his own alias (Baekhyun had annoyed Kyungsoo for weeks on end after finding out about "D.O." The idea that Kyungsoo probably dislikes him not because of the list actually seems possible now that Baekhyun's thought about it).
Baekhyun waits for Jongdae to laugh this off again, ready to feel the disappointment creep in his system. Jongdae doesn't laugh. Instead, he sighs in the way someone who's given up sighs. He sounds tired. Baekhyun doesn't blame him. Sometimes, Baekhyun can't even convince himself.
"Hate is such a strong word," Jongdae says. Baekhyun nods in agreement, only to stop when he realises Jongdae can't see him. "I prefer the word...intrigued. Curious,"
Baekhyun frowns; that wasn't the answer he was expecting. "I don't think I understand,"
"He's too into himself, you see," Baekhyun chokes, ready to retort. "He thinks everything's about him,"
I do not--
"He's deluded himself that the only thing that could make people recognize him is competition, and him winning it,"
Baekhyun's disbelief grows with every word Jongdae says, it's actually rendered him speechless.
"I don't blame him, though. If you were that talented and skilled, of course you'd be into yourself as well,"
I'm not--
"I think it's pretty cute. Don't you think so, too, Do Kyungsoo-ssi?"
Without really thinking about it, Baekhyun mindlessly agrees. "Yeah, I guess,"
"See?" Jongdae laughs, and this time Baekhyun's sure he's laughing at him. Him, Byun Baekhyun. He feels his face warm up at the embarrassment of having agreed to something he vehemently doesn't believe in. Chanyeol would be thrilled if he were listening at that moment. "It's ridiculous, how into himself he is,"
"So much, in fact," Jongdae says this slowly, with words carefully measured and thought of, "That he’s mistaken what I feel for him as hate,"
Baekhyun straightens in his seat, heart hammering at such a fast pace he could actually hear it in his ears. "So you--"
"I don't hate Byun-ssi, Kyungsoo-ssi," Baekhyun presses the phone to his ear with a force that would probably cause marks later. "I actually kind of like him,"
Baekhyun's grin's too goofy to be shown to anyone but his own reflection right now. He hides the smile behind a trembling hand, listening on as Jongdae finishes, a little wistfully, "A lot."
*
"You're dead," is the first thing Chanyeol tells him upon entering the building. Sehun passes by, sees him, and snickers like a teenager up to no good. Knowing him, he’s probably heard of what happened. Baekhyun really couldn’t care less.
"I don't care. I'm happy,"
What Chanyeol doesn't specify is that he's dead--Kyungsoo knows--better hide somewhere before he runs after you with a vengeance. What he gets is a hug, though. Kyungsoo hugs him in such a weird way: an arm folded beside his head--and it's too late when he realises Kyungsoo's trying to kill him, dislocate his shoulder with the strength you wouldn't think he possesses.
Baekhyun almost cries in pain.
"Use my name again," Kyungsoo says sweetly, heart-shaped smile plastered on his face, "And that's not the only thing I will do to you,"
"That's the last time," Baekhyun even salutes--with his good arm, of course--for added effect. "I apologise, D.O."
The effect is instantaneous: Kyungsoo's face darkens significantly, his fists clench. Chanyeol pulls him away before anything can actually happen. "Okay, Baekhyun," Chanyeol yells, struggling when Kyungsoo's planted both feet on the floor, "You've done enough. Save them for next year,"
"I will!" Baekhyun thinks about it, looking on as Kyungsoo finally gives up the fight and lets Chanyeol pull him away. And then: "Kyungsoo-yah! You're cu--" A hand stops him from asking Kyungsoo to kill him in the most innocent way possible.
It's Jongdae, and his hand is warm. The hand removes itself and Jongdae snakes his arms around his torso, perching his chin on Baekhyun's shoulder. They tighten their grip, and Baekhyun's back presses against Jongdae's chest, and that's warm, too.
"That was a funny trick, by the way," Jongdae says. Baekhyun squirms at the first contact of air against his neck. Jongdae doesn't let go, just waits for Baekhyun stop moving. "Very original,"
"Thanks," Baekhyun grins, feeling proud. "I know,"
Jongdae lets go of him, then. "I meant the call,"
"Oh,"
The awkwardness settles after that. Jongdae scratches at his arms with lack of anything better to do with them. Baekhyun waits for him to say something--anything--and when he doesn't, tells Jongdae to follow him instead.
They arrive at the empty studio where Baekhyun does his shows. Chanyeol's out somewhere. With Jongin, most likely; it's his shift afterall.
Without anything blocking his view, may it be the glass or the phone, it's harder to face Jongdae directly. Jongdae's practically told everyone awake enough to listen to his show yesterday that he liked Baekhyun. A lot, Baekhyun thinks, can't help but smile. Jongdae doesn't see this, too busy looking at everything else.
His eyes land on Baekhyun with renewed determination. "About what I said--" he says, at the same time Baekhyun says, "I'm not that into myself as you think,"
When Jongdae doesn't say a follow up, Baekhyun continues, "If anything, Chanyeol's the one with the ridiculously huge ego. Not me."
"This isn't about him, though," Jongdae says, not unkindly. He pauses, thinking about what to say next. "Look, Baekhyun. About what I said yesterday--well, I meant it."
"You like me,"
"Yes," Follows it up with a groan of embarrassment, hiding his face in his hands. Jongdae's pretty cute, too.
Baekhyun's spent months invested in the idea that Jongdae hated him that it's come off as a total shock finding out that he doesn't. The facade breaks, and Baekhyun sees, for the first time, everything he should've seen Jongdae be the past months: flustered, trembling, ready for disappointment. He'd seen this side, thought he'd imagined it, and buried it in his memory ever since: Jongdae, vulnerable and stripped off of his confidence. Laid out bear for him to finally see.
Baekyun kicks into overdrive. The idea of paying Jongdae back for all the shit he's unknowingly put Baekhyun through is too tempting to ignore.
He frowns. "Is this a joke?"
"What?" Jongdae asks, insulted. "Is this a joke?"
"Yes," Baekhyun says, looking around. "Is this Kyungsoo's revenge for calling him D.O. for over a month?"
"It's not--god." Jongdae runs a hand over his tired face. Ten more minutes and it's Baekhyun's shift. Jongdae’s getting worked up for this seemingly petty thing, and Baekhyun’s basking in the moment. Let him suffer. "Fuck, Baekhyun. You're--"
"I don't hate you," Jongdae says in disbelief. He steps closer, and Baekhyun doesn't even flinch, waiting for it. A little more push and he'd run into Baekhyun's arms. "I just told everyone I liked you, for crying out loud. And here you're--you're--"
"I'm what?" Baekhyun says. His poker face slips, then. Makes the corner of his lips rise into an annoyingly coy smile. Jongdae sees it happen--eyes going wide at the sudden realisation. He yells out, frustrated, and all Baekhyun does is pull him by the hem of his jacket, and finally kisses him.
Because, god. That took so long. It'd be great to stress Jongdae out more, but time's running out.
When Chanyeol arrives it's to them making out on the couch, Baekhyun's face nuzzled in the space where Jongdae's shoulder met his neck, a hand creeping under Jongdae's shirt.
"Oooookay, guys," Chanyeol half-yells, pulling Baekhyun off Jongdae's body. Jongdae looks as messed up as Baekhyun probably is, and Chanyeol gags in front of them, over exaggerating his actions. Baekhyun kicks him and doesn't apologize.
Inside the studio he slips on the headphones and waits for Chanyeol to do his job. On the other side of the glass Chanyeol reprimands Jongdae, hands on the controls, except Jongdae isn't listening, not really. He nods, waving him away, but his eyes are on Baekhyun.
Baekhyun grins, waits for the go signal, and opens his mouth to speak.
*
"Kyungsoo's idea." Jongdae admits later on.
Baekhyun is shocked into silence for a good 2 minutes. "No way."
Jongdae only nods.
"So the whole--you weren't--"
Another nod.
"He made you change your shift so I'd think you hated me?" Another nod. "And he made you decline my offer?" Another nod.
Baekhyun lets the new information sink in before sitting up and tousling his hair in frustration. "I'm going to kill him," he announces with fervor, standing up, "I'm going to kill him right now,"
Jongdae's arms snake around his waist and pulls him back to the bench. "Just--stop moving."
Baekhyun struggles a bit more, just for show. He eventually settles down, and it's not as if he had wanted to move any more than that, anyway. Jongdae replaces his head on his shoulder.
"We could," Jongdae suggests, voice soft, "talk shit about him,"
"Yeah, so everybody could hear,"
"That sounds great," Jongdae murmurs, but he's not really conscious enough to think about what he's saying anymore. He has his eyes closed, already falling asleep. Chanyeol chooses that time to appear with their coffee. At the sight, he pretends to gag, and Baekhyun grins back cheekily, raising their joined hands to let him see.
*
In the end they don't become partners. Baekhyun still arrives earlier than Jongdae does, but halfway through his show Jongdae's there, watching him from behind the glass, listening to every word he's saying. Sometimes he'd call, just for fun--and with every call comes a new name, like Chen or Lay. Or D.O., if they felt brave enough to use it.
Baekhyun stays during Jongdae's shows as well. Waits for him like Jongdae does. Stays confined from the other side of the glass, just watching. Observing. Baekhyun's looked at only himself for so long, stressing over the faults Jongdae "hated" in him, that it's as if he's meeting Jongdae for the first time in the span of the time they've worked together.
When he laughs, he laughs with his body. He doesn't do the same hand movement thing Jongin usually does, but when he talks it's as if he's talking to another live person in the room. Too engrossed in the conversation, sometimes, that Baekhyun considers calling him again to talk to him. He doesn't. He lets Jongdae do his work, undisturbed.
And he stays there, watching him. He waits until his eyes give out, finally falling asleep on the couch beside Chanyeol.
He wakes up to Jongdae's cheery, yet soft, goodbye's. Baekhyun usually sits up before Jongdae goes out, fixing his hair, wiping the drool off.
"Ready to go?" Jongdae asks, stifling a yawn and failing, hiding it behind a polite hand instead.
Baekhyun yawns, doesn't bother covering it. "Yep. Let's go,"