(no subject)
as the semester winds down, i'm trying to remember what i did this semester that was genuinely fun. when did i really just have an awesome time? i can't think of anything. closest thing was probably harvard-yale weekend, when i got decently drunk at asian glow. but even that wasn't all that great.
not much good stuff happened in my life this semester. i didn't get to see my friends very often. i didn't make very many new friends. i wasn't able to go out and enjoy myself on weekends. my gpa is poised to take a big hit. i missed out on a lot of piano lessons. i just felt very lonely and unmotivated and unsatisfied with life a lot of the time. whether it was missing lectures, eating meals by myself, staying up until 6 am every wednesday night to write lab reports, studying orgo or biochem on a saturday night, the whole semester was just bad. it deflated my spirits, gave me little to look forward to each morning, as i lay in bed trying to decide whether getting up to live my life was worth it.
it's not that this semester felt like a ton of work. hard work is usually more rewarding. this semester was just a drag, a monotonous half-existence. all i have to show for it is that i lost touch with my friends and lost my enthusiasm for learning. and as each additional day passed me by, i couldn't find that energy to break out of this shell and live life to its fullest. i didn't feel like doing anything. i just retreated further and further, resigned myself to homework, piano practice, sleep, and self-loathing/self-pity. pity for rusted relationships and friendships, loathing for being so dull and antisocial and dead.
i hope next semester is better. next semester has got to be better. i'll be taking easier classes, and will hopefully have more friends in those classes to study with. i'll be part of CASA board, putting together a cultural show, which will be hectic as hell but also fun - and i'll meet more people through that. at some point next semester, i hope i'll regain my good mood and my enthusiasm for life.
well, i knew this was gonna be a tough fall. i felt the sophomore slump even before i got back to new haven in september. demoralized as i may be, i survived, and i'm almost done. just a couple more days, a couple more finals, and i can go home, be happy, and move on to better things.
not much good stuff happened in my life this semester. i didn't get to see my friends very often. i didn't make very many new friends. i wasn't able to go out and enjoy myself on weekends. my gpa is poised to take a big hit. i missed out on a lot of piano lessons. i just felt very lonely and unmotivated and unsatisfied with life a lot of the time. whether it was missing lectures, eating meals by myself, staying up until 6 am every wednesday night to write lab reports, studying orgo or biochem on a saturday night, the whole semester was just bad. it deflated my spirits, gave me little to look forward to each morning, as i lay in bed trying to decide whether getting up to live my life was worth it.
it's not that this semester felt like a ton of work. hard work is usually more rewarding. this semester was just a drag, a monotonous half-existence. all i have to show for it is that i lost touch with my friends and lost my enthusiasm for learning. and as each additional day passed me by, i couldn't find that energy to break out of this shell and live life to its fullest. i didn't feel like doing anything. i just retreated further and further, resigned myself to homework, piano practice, sleep, and self-loathing/self-pity. pity for rusted relationships and friendships, loathing for being so dull and antisocial and dead.
i hope next semester is better. next semester has got to be better. i'll be taking easier classes, and will hopefully have more friends in those classes to study with. i'll be part of CASA board, putting together a cultural show, which will be hectic as hell but also fun - and i'll meet more people through that. at some point next semester, i hope i'll regain my good mood and my enthusiasm for life.
well, i knew this was gonna be a tough fall. i felt the sophomore slump even before i got back to new haven in september. demoralized as i may be, i survived, and i'm almost done. just a couple more days, a couple more finals, and i can go home, be happy, and move on to better things.