Last night I went to London. Circa 1997.
What a wild and wacky night. It was my first volunteer stint with Lifebeat since the surgery, and I was training a new girl who was scared and shy. So needless to say I had to step it up a notch.
What show was I working, you may ask?
Well, here you go...
That’s right, the fucking PRODIGY. Yes, those little devils known for “Firestarter” and “Smack my bitch up”
But we’ll get to them later.
I arrived at 6:30 and started setting up the table. I heard one of the female security guards ask “Is this going to be a loud one you think?” I kind of wanted to tell her to go home right then. Was she in for an interesting night.
First of all, I felt like I was at some club in Europe- it was insane- I was probably one of 10 Americans in the whole place. Every time someone came over for a condom I quizzed them on where they were from - Serbia, Israel, Scotland, Ireland, England, Germany...you name it. A lot of them would look at the table strewn with condoms and whisper “those crazy Americans”. And let me just tell you...I was in love. Apparently, the reason I haven’t been able to find a guy I like is because they have all been following Prodigy around. These guys were HOT. Every single one. Foreign, and tall, and all kinds of awesomeness. I was having way too much fun with them.
And then...the crowd started coming in faster. And they were drunker. And occasionally high. By this point my trainee had gotten tired and left. It was just me and my table. One very high guy came over and insisted I give him a condom, even though there were obviously none on the table. He came behind my table and started rifling through my bag, getting belligerent. I managed to get him to the other side of the table where he started to get angrier. Honestly, this was the first time I’ve ever actually been concerned about my safety at a show. I flagged down a security guard who just saw a dancing man and me looking scared, so he gave me a look and walked away. Luckily, the head of security was actually watching it all from down the hall, and he came over and removed the man. An hour to go till show time. Then I had an Irish guy come over and sit down next to me. I was scared we were about to go through it all again, but he was actually just drunk and looking to talk, and since I was bored I let him.
There was really a bizarre mix of fans at the Prodigy. It was definitely 90%men, which was fine by me. And it was at least 80% European. But it was also at least 50% crazy tall. I mean, some of these people had to be almost 7 feet tall. Are they BRED to be Prodigy fans? There were a few gay couples also, which I thought was hysterical. I kind of wanted to keep them away from the crazy black mohawked leather biker dudes. There was also one couple who appeared to be in their 60’s.
This crowd was also ready to FIGHT. I witnessed one guy accidentally knocking over another’s drink, offering to pay for it, and the guy FLIPPING OUT. It took 2 security guards to separate them.
Onstage the lead singer pantomimed beating the shit out of his guitarist, which probably didn’t quell the angry rage in the crowd. I’m also surprised the Nokia didn’t burn down last night, as 3 songs discussed being a firestarter, one discussed bombs, and one was about spitting fire.
But even though I had to get through a 4 hour volunteer shift to get to the show...I’m glad I stayed, even if it was only for 45 minutes. The Prodigy rocked, the light show made ME feel high, and I found a safe seat away from the moshing and fighting and drunkenness, so my knee survived.
I was a little bummed the lead singer didn’t still have his hair cut into devil horns. I guess we all have to grow up sometime.
What show was I working, you may ask?
Well, here you go...
That’s right, the fucking PRODIGY. Yes, those little devils known for “Firestarter” and “Smack my bitch up”
But we’ll get to them later.
I arrived at 6:30 and started setting up the table. I heard one of the female security guards ask “Is this going to be a loud one you think?” I kind of wanted to tell her to go home right then. Was she in for an interesting night.
First of all, I felt like I was at some club in Europe- it was insane- I was probably one of 10 Americans in the whole place. Every time someone came over for a condom I quizzed them on where they were from - Serbia, Israel, Scotland, Ireland, England, Germany...you name it. A lot of them would look at the table strewn with condoms and whisper “those crazy Americans”. And let me just tell you...I was in love. Apparently, the reason I haven’t been able to find a guy I like is because they have all been following Prodigy around. These guys were HOT. Every single one. Foreign, and tall, and all kinds of awesomeness. I was having way too much fun with them.
And then...the crowd started coming in faster. And they were drunker. And occasionally high. By this point my trainee had gotten tired and left. It was just me and my table. One very high guy came over and insisted I give him a condom, even though there were obviously none on the table. He came behind my table and started rifling through my bag, getting belligerent. I managed to get him to the other side of the table where he started to get angrier. Honestly, this was the first time I’ve ever actually been concerned about my safety at a show. I flagged down a security guard who just saw a dancing man and me looking scared, so he gave me a look and walked away. Luckily, the head of security was actually watching it all from down the hall, and he came over and removed the man. An hour to go till show time. Then I had an Irish guy come over and sit down next to me. I was scared we were about to go through it all again, but he was actually just drunk and looking to talk, and since I was bored I let him.
There was really a bizarre mix of fans at the Prodigy. It was definitely 90%men, which was fine by me. And it was at least 80% European. But it was also at least 50% crazy tall. I mean, some of these people had to be almost 7 feet tall. Are they BRED to be Prodigy fans? There were a few gay couples also, which I thought was hysterical. I kind of wanted to keep them away from the crazy black mohawked leather biker dudes. There was also one couple who appeared to be in their 60’s.
This crowd was also ready to FIGHT. I witnessed one guy accidentally knocking over another’s drink, offering to pay for it, and the guy FLIPPING OUT. It took 2 security guards to separate them.
Onstage the lead singer pantomimed beating the shit out of his guitarist, which probably didn’t quell the angry rage in the crowd. I’m also surprised the Nokia didn’t burn down last night, as 3 songs discussed being a firestarter, one discussed bombs, and one was about spitting fire.
But even though I had to get through a 4 hour volunteer shift to get to the show...I’m glad I stayed, even if it was only for 45 minutes. The Prodigy rocked, the light show made ME feel high, and I found a safe seat away from the moshing and fighting and drunkenness, so my knee survived.
I was a little bummed the lead singer didn’t still have his hair cut into devil horns. I guess we all have to grow up sometime.