six; cause i don't know how to make this feeling stop
i think life is full of surprises. like how when i thought i was getting better yesterday, packed my bag for school and all, i ended up waking up at 4 coughing till i couldn't breathe properly. so i had to go see a doctor and all at 4 am, and i feel guilty cause it cost my parents a bomb. and now he even gave me ventolin to clear the airway and stuff. and my mummy thinks its serious because i have a 3 day mc. life's so fragile + unpredictable, huh. that's why they say live every day to your fullest and happiest. don't harp on bad times and hard feelings. so that even if you knew you had 3 months or 1 week to live, you wouldn't live that period of time in regret. regret, as i once heard, is one of the worst feelings anyone can get.
i have like slight pneunomia/bronchitis. means my lungs are congested! means i should have stayed at home to really rest and not go for trng etc etc.now the virus attacked my lungs. bleeeaah. so all i've been doing the whole day is rest, rest, tv, sleep, eat, take medicine, sleep etc. i miss school and miss my many sunshines too. school used to be a form of escapicism for me because i was kept busy and happy there. :) and somehow i don't want to think about math test because i feel enervated and i don't have the single bit of energy to really do work now.
i keep posting in this blog because i don't even want to rant and show this to you. and because i've lied around at home coughing till my stomach hurt and coughing till i'm too tired to go up the stairs, i also thought a lot. like if i really died someday or i don't know and when i really needed you, you wouldn't be there for me. and because its no longer the same, you would be able to move on wouldn't you. i mean, no one is indispensible, the world is so huge, even without one small little person in the world, it would still go on rotating. you would move on. you would, regardless of what you've said/been saying. everyone would, i guess, it just takes time, that's what you said once as well. maybe what we have is too superficial. or at least that is what seems to me. and i am tired of getting disappointed.
and hey you know what? i'm letting go of you. seriously. holding on by letting go of you? that's not going to work. i can't hold on. its too difficult. i'm so disappointed in what we've become. the urge to talk to you, the wanting to talk to you. hey, what for? you don't really seem to know what i've become/what i want. i'm leaving you free. it's best for you. you might be imperfect but i never bothered about the flaws and mistakes etc. but now, i don't want it to be you who makes me want to cry, making me realise i actually have no one. to make me feel so alone. no, i won't allow it. not you.so i guess this is goodbye.from tomorrow onwards, there will be this detachment from you. there is already this distance/drifting, i guess. you're not worth it. i'm not worth it either. all i want, is simply just to be really happy, is it that hard? so yes, from tomorrow onwards, i'm living this life for myself. and i'm going to get well for myself. and i'm going to live a good life with no regrets at all. because i know i'm strong and i have God with me. (:
i have like slight pneunomia/bronchitis. means my lungs are congested! means i should have stayed at home to really rest and not go for trng etc etc.now the virus attacked my lungs. bleeeaah. so all i've been doing the whole day is rest, rest, tv, sleep, eat, take medicine, sleep etc. i miss school and miss my many sunshines too. school used to be a form of escapicism for me because i was kept busy and happy there. :) and somehow i don't want to think about math test because i feel enervated and i don't have the single bit of energy to really do work now.
i keep posting in this blog because i don't even want to rant and show this to you. and because i've lied around at home coughing till my stomach hurt and coughing till i'm too tired to go up the stairs, i also thought a lot. like if i really died someday or i don't know and when i really needed you, you wouldn't be there for me. and because its no longer the same, you would be able to move on wouldn't you. i mean, no one is indispensible, the world is so huge, even without one small little person in the world, it would still go on rotating. you would move on. you would, regardless of what you've said/been saying. everyone would, i guess, it just takes time, that's what you said once as well. maybe what we have is too superficial. or at least that is what seems to me. and i am tired of getting disappointed.
and hey you know what? i'm letting go of you. seriously. holding on by letting go of you? that's not going to work. i can't hold on. its too difficult. i'm so disappointed in what we've become. the urge to talk to you, the wanting to talk to you. hey, what for? you don't really seem to know what i've become/what i want. i'm leaving you free. it's best for you. you might be imperfect but i never bothered about the flaws and mistakes etc. but now, i don't want it to be you who makes me want to cry, making me realise i actually have no one. to make me feel so alone. no, i won't allow it. not you.so i guess this is goodbye.from tomorrow onwards, there will be this detachment from you. there is already this distance/drifting, i guess. you're not worth it. i'm not worth it either. all i want, is simply just to be really happy, is it that hard? so yes, from tomorrow onwards, i'm living this life for myself. and i'm going to get well for myself. and i'm going to live a good life with no regrets at all. because i know i'm strong and i have God with me. (: