I violated the codex.
My thanks to "NordicLania" who just out of pure good will treated me to a period of paid account so that I can try this out... What a nice gesture from someone who hardly even knows me, Some people are just too nice =)
Anyway getting on the tube this morning I couldn't help reflecting on another of our "swedish ways". I usually try to find a seat in the back of the train to avoid crowding in the city when changing to bus. Anyway through the whole last car of the train I find people sitting alone in a section of four seats. Say that there are 30 sections in one subway car, that means 120 seats basically (just walk with me here) in one car (in a train of 8 cars), I bet that before there are more than 120 people on that car you wouldn't find two people actually sitting next to one another, *sigh* - pathetic! I take a seat opposite a girl lost in the free newspaper and her mp3, it's almost as if she's offended, as if I violated some kind of codex.
Is there a codex? Probably, sometimes I'm frightened how little effort we spend as to noticing the people around us in this city, in this country. Every now and then I find myself thinking about handing out a compliment or just... asking some sad girl that had some kind of quarrel over the phone how she's really doing. But I know, I'd better not, just imagine yourself sitting on the subway sobbing over a breakup or something and this perfect stranger has the nerve not to respect your solitude - our greatest virtue? Is he/she hitting on you? Can't he/she see that you're upset!? It's not normal to care for someone that you don't know, is it? Is it a modern deficiency to feel compassion?
Sometimes you can just see it in peoples eyes, every single empty section has been claimed, it's time to actually sit next to/opposite somebody! Take one gentle step into the section with that one person staring out the window pretending you don't exist, perhaps a quick gaze just to confirm "- alright I realize there are no empty sections left, sit here IF YOU MUST! Just don't talk to me" There's obviously this mutual agreement, especially between commuters to just NOT interact with one another. This one time I was on my way home from school, reading a book, as did the lady next to me when this man who was obviously under the influence of... something, started talking to her and asked if she would like to hear a poem. I've seen many people suffer personally aswell as physically but never have I seen someone look so troubled as this lady did. Having seemingly swallowed her tears she declined with a trembling voice and got back to reading, as the old man insisted she was ultimately left without choice and was told his short limerick-like verse. This obviously lonely old man whom was not blessed with the gift of appearance either fascinated me... He smelled of liquor and even myself in my rebel (yet insecure of course) soul would never have made any effort to converse with him (he even asked me if I'd like to hear another poem but without as much as a look back he retreated) yet obviously he was just a poor lonesome man who could really use someone that just showed some trace of compassion. I suppose no one dared talk to him afraid of standing out of the crowd aswell, no one want's to be the one people look at and whisper about to their co-traveler, or over the phone.
Last time I visited London this with my ex-girlfriend we were sitting upstairs on this double-decker, not a soul in sight when this gentleman appears from the stairway and like a homing missile took a seat next to us and asks: "- Your first time in London?" almost shocked over this violation of "the swedish codex" we eventually realized we actually were in London and a nice little conversation began. See this never happens in sweden, the bus mounting strategy is obviously to seek out the place most isolated from whoever has stepped on the bus before you.
Well I'll just leave this topic behind before I get any more out of hand than I already am. I just have one more retorical question to ask: If we fear so much interacting with the people around us, how did we ever start off getting to know each other?
Anyway getting on the tube this morning I couldn't help reflecting on another of our "swedish ways". I usually try to find a seat in the back of the train to avoid crowding in the city when changing to bus. Anyway through the whole last car of the train I find people sitting alone in a section of four seats. Say that there are 30 sections in one subway car, that means 120 seats basically (just walk with me here) in one car (in a train of 8 cars), I bet that before there are more than 120 people on that car you wouldn't find two people actually sitting next to one another, *sigh* - pathetic! I take a seat opposite a girl lost in the free newspaper and her mp3, it's almost as if she's offended, as if I violated some kind of codex.
Is there a codex? Probably, sometimes I'm frightened how little effort we spend as to noticing the people around us in this city, in this country. Every now and then I find myself thinking about handing out a compliment or just... asking some sad girl that had some kind of quarrel over the phone how she's really doing. But I know, I'd better not, just imagine yourself sitting on the subway sobbing over a breakup or something and this perfect stranger has the nerve not to respect your solitude - our greatest virtue? Is he/she hitting on you? Can't he/she see that you're upset!? It's not normal to care for someone that you don't know, is it? Is it a modern deficiency to feel compassion?
Sometimes you can just see it in peoples eyes, every single empty section has been claimed, it's time to actually sit next to/opposite somebody! Take one gentle step into the section with that one person staring out the window pretending you don't exist, perhaps a quick gaze just to confirm "- alright I realize there are no empty sections left, sit here IF YOU MUST! Just don't talk to me" There's obviously this mutual agreement, especially between commuters to just NOT interact with one another. This one time I was on my way home from school, reading a book, as did the lady next to me when this man who was obviously under the influence of... something, started talking to her and asked if she would like to hear a poem. I've seen many people suffer personally aswell as physically but never have I seen someone look so troubled as this lady did. Having seemingly swallowed her tears she declined with a trembling voice and got back to reading, as the old man insisted she was ultimately left without choice and was told his short limerick-like verse. This obviously lonely old man whom was not blessed with the gift of appearance either fascinated me... He smelled of liquor and even myself in my rebel (yet insecure of course) soul would never have made any effort to converse with him (he even asked me if I'd like to hear another poem but without as much as a look back he retreated) yet obviously he was just a poor lonesome man who could really use someone that just showed some trace of compassion. I suppose no one dared talk to him afraid of standing out of the crowd aswell, no one want's to be the one people look at and whisper about to their co-traveler, or over the phone.
Last time I visited London this with my ex-girlfriend we were sitting upstairs on this double-decker, not a soul in sight when this gentleman appears from the stairway and like a homing missile took a seat next to us and asks: "- Your first time in London?" almost shocked over this violation of "the swedish codex" we eventually realized we actually were in London and a nice little conversation began. See this never happens in sweden, the bus mounting strategy is obviously to seek out the place most isolated from whoever has stepped on the bus before you.
Well I'll just leave this topic behind before I get any more out of hand than I already am. I just have one more retorical question to ask: If we fear so much interacting with the people around us, how did we ever start off getting to know each other?