question!! answer!!
I think I know now the reason why I read boy-love comics...now that I've finished the particular book I've been writing about in the previous two entries.
Before, I despised boy-love comics and even though my childhood friend introduced me to some titles I still couldn't bring myself to understand the charm of boy-love comics. I thought reading such books was not normal. Even when I became familiar with the internet and got myself invoved in numerous forums about Japanese bands, I didn't join some fangirls who were enthusiastically pairing all-male members of the GazettE in their fanfictions. I never read fanfiction though, regardless of what it contains, simply because I don't buy stories made outside the original frame and all. And so I remember being puzzled at words like "seme" or "uke" written by girls in the online forums.
Anyway I got my first contact with boy-love manga, a D-gray man doujinshi (Japanese graphic fanfiction) when I was looking for DGM anime episode on Youtube around summer last year. And that's where my life as a rotten girl began. Of course, I didn't become one immediately as I went through quite a long and dragging denial phase. Although later I came to accept the fact and began reading lots of boy-love comics, there were many times when I felt that I had to pull myself out of the newly constructed habit...trying my best not to make this habit a hobby.
And then like I said in the two previous entries, I started doubting my motive and intention for reading boy-love comics. Now, I think I've found what they are.
Namely, I don't recall ever feeling completely lucky to be born as a woman. My period kills me every month, and as can be seen from this journal, I've gone through a time in my life where I saw my future as: graduate, work, marry, give birth, die; which scared me and made me wonder the meaning of my birth. I think my first sex, pregnancy and childbirth experiences will not be pleasant, too. And when I turn into a grandma, I also have to face physical and mental burden of menopause.
Sure, men can say that they also get it hard because they have to be the breadwinner some day, but please don't make me laugh. Nowadays there's a just few types of jobs that are exclusive to men. The rest of them can now be done by women as well, given that women have the skill and chance to do the job. But there's no way a man can ever suffer the same pain that woman do during their period, pregnancy and childbirth.
That's probably why I really want to have boys as children. Because I can never be a man myself. I like men, too, on top of that. So, feeling not so grateful being born as a girl does not necessarily mean that I want to change my genital.
But I envy men. Always. And that's probably why I end up appreciating boy-love comics while my other female friends don't.
Before, I despised boy-love comics and even though my childhood friend introduced me to some titles I still couldn't bring myself to understand the charm of boy-love comics. I thought reading such books was not normal. Even when I became familiar with the internet and got myself invoved in numerous forums about Japanese bands, I didn't join some fangirls who were enthusiastically pairing all-male members of the GazettE in their fanfictions. I never read fanfiction though, regardless of what it contains, simply because I don't buy stories made outside the original frame and all. And so I remember being puzzled at words like "seme" or "uke" written by girls in the online forums.
Anyway I got my first contact with boy-love manga, a D-gray man doujinshi (Japanese graphic fanfiction) when I was looking for DGM anime episode on Youtube around summer last year. And that's where my life as a rotten girl began. Of course, I didn't become one immediately as I went through quite a long and dragging denial phase. Although later I came to accept the fact and began reading lots of boy-love comics, there were many times when I felt that I had to pull myself out of the newly constructed habit...trying my best not to make this habit a hobby.
And then like I said in the two previous entries, I started doubting my motive and intention for reading boy-love comics. Now, I think I've found what they are.
Namely, I don't recall ever feeling completely lucky to be born as a woman. My period kills me every month, and as can be seen from this journal, I've gone through a time in my life where I saw my future as: graduate, work, marry, give birth, die; which scared me and made me wonder the meaning of my birth. I think my first sex, pregnancy and childbirth experiences will not be pleasant, too. And when I turn into a grandma, I also have to face physical and mental burden of menopause.
Sure, men can say that they also get it hard because they have to be the breadwinner some day, but please don't make me laugh. Nowadays there's a just few types of jobs that are exclusive to men. The rest of them can now be done by women as well, given that women have the skill and chance to do the job. But there's no way a man can ever suffer the same pain that woman do during their period, pregnancy and childbirth.
That's probably why I really want to have boys as children. Because I can never be a man myself. I like men, too, on top of that. So, feeling not so grateful being born as a girl does not necessarily mean that I want to change my genital.
But I envy men. Always. And that's probably why I end up appreciating boy-love comics while my other female friends don't.