Do you smell that? Crack a window, would ya?
Hello....
Howdy....
and Shalom....
Seeing as though these lines of women that I had original forecasted have been "sluggish" in materializing at my doorstep, I shall now take the next initiative step and tell you girlies a little something about my big, bad self. (And oh, how baaaaad it is. De-lish!)
Personal Description:
Age: 18
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 215lbs. on a good day
Shoes: Men Extra Wide 13's
Hair: Dark Brown (Typically short)
Muscles: Massive!!!!
Leg Hair: Exceptional. (Question BONUS: My arms are additionally hairy for your comfort and viewing pleasure)
Cerebellum: Fully Functional, except when it isn't.
Joints: Highly crackable, mildly arthritic.
Finger Nails: Normally Untended.
Teeth: A delightful hue of alabaster.
Bust Size: N/A (As of now)
Bowling Avg: Last recorded as an 82 four years ago. Candlepin naturally.
Latex Glove: An Extra Large
Pants: 36x34 (Husky)
Undergarments: Tight and White, the only way to go. (At least they were white at some point)
Job: Shaw's Produce Clerk
Wage: $8.00 by the hour
Holiday Weight Gain: 10 - 15 lbs.
Metabolism: Exemplary. (See Above)
Terminal Illness: Nothing Identified as of yet.
Skin: Holy MOLEy! and darkened by my Italian might.
Allegiance: Red Sox Nation...I guess I'm a United States citizen as well by birth. (a minor technicality)
Religion: Catholic but I do not practice religion....at all....meaning nothing....
Previous Relationships: Ha, you've got quite a nerve.
Madness: 50.0 Decibels per Newton-Meter.
Flatulence: Coffee.
Video Game: RE:4 (Until RE:5 comes out)
Favorite Team besides Red Sox: Cleveland Indians
Favorite Team besides Patriots: There is only one team so having another favorite would be impossible in theory.
Favorite Baseball Player not on Red Sox (Fielder/Batter): Albert Pujols
" (Pitcher) : Johan Santana or John Wasdin. (How I confuse the two)
Sporting News: (Results fit to the scale of "What I would say if I was highly optimistic and a superior athlete?" Most likely that doesn't make sense. I do not care)
Basketball Skills: 78% humiliating
Baseball Skills: 56% humiliating
Football Skills: 40% humiliating
Soccer Skills: 99% humiliating (Hit in face with soccer ball at least twice without question)
Injury Report: Countless Finger Fractures sustained by JellyBall Impact.
Interests/Hobbies:
Watching Baseball, Football, Basketball, Tennis, Golf, Hockey, Poker, Table Tennis....(In other words, anything but soccer that is on an ESPN or FSN affiliated station)
Frolicking in the leafy glade.
Stepmania/DWI (With fingers 99.9% of the time)
Video Games: Most any variety; prefers games that involve decapitation or draw and quartering torture procedures. If not, a game with excessive blood and gut-wrenching goriness will have to do.
Sitting in silence.
Biting my fingers into scar tissue.
Not Studying for anything.
Watching the snow fall one flake at a time.
Listening to Video Game Soundtracks with grins, ear to ear, on my countenance.
Drinking Bottled Water.
Losing myself in thought.
Deriving Formulas dealing with shapes in higher dimensions...
Watching "Awful-ly" good horror movies.
Bitter Sarcasm that makes people implode.
Music Interests:
Nobuo Uematsu, Yasunori Mitsuda, DJ TAKA, Metallica (Enter Sandman only), Led Zepplin, Simon & Garfunkle, Devo, Boston, Queen, Van Halen, Beethoven, David Bowie, Mozart, Captain Beefheart, Atom and his Package, Frank Zappa, James Steiner, Smashing Pumpkins, BUS*STOP, Captain Jack, and much more eclectic tunage (pronounced tune + age and fabricated!!!).
Special Information:
I use maxims on a daily basis.
I use maxims improperly on a daily basis.
I like chocolate that is not white.
I am easily excited and aroused. (Raunchy people will think sickly of that. You have my approval)
So now, form a single file line and here comes the Zo man....sweet succulents...
(Not only is this a sham, it is the truth. Furthermore, women are smart enough to stay out of this vile creation. In conclusion, I need a shower sometime within the next lunar cycle.)
Sincerely yours,
The male form of a temptress of your dreams, Zo
Howdy....
and Shalom....
Seeing as though these lines of women that I had original forecasted have been "sluggish" in materializing at my doorstep, I shall now take the next initiative step and tell you girlies a little something about my big, bad self. (And oh, how baaaaad it is. De-lish!)
Personal Description:
Age: 18
Height: 6'3"
Weight: 215lbs. on a good day
Shoes: Men Extra Wide 13's
Hair: Dark Brown (Typically short)
Muscles: Massive!!!!
Leg Hair: Exceptional. (Question BONUS: My arms are additionally hairy for your comfort and viewing pleasure)
Cerebellum: Fully Functional, except when it isn't.
Joints: Highly crackable, mildly arthritic.
Finger Nails: Normally Untended.
Teeth: A delightful hue of alabaster.
Bust Size: N/A (As of now)
Bowling Avg: Last recorded as an 82 four years ago. Candlepin naturally.
Latex Glove: An Extra Large
Pants: 36x34 (Husky)
Undergarments: Tight and White, the only way to go. (At least they were white at some point)
Job: Shaw's Produce Clerk
Wage: $8.00 by the hour
Holiday Weight Gain: 10 - 15 lbs.
Metabolism: Exemplary. (See Above)
Terminal Illness: Nothing Identified as of yet.
Skin: Holy MOLEy! and darkened by my Italian might.
Allegiance: Red Sox Nation...I guess I'm a United States citizen as well by birth. (a minor technicality)
Religion: Catholic but I do not practice religion....at all....meaning nothing....
Previous Relationships: Ha, you've got quite a nerve.
Madness: 50.0 Decibels per Newton-Meter.
Flatulence: Coffee.
Video Game: RE:4 (Until RE:5 comes out)
Favorite Team besides Red Sox: Cleveland Indians
Favorite Team besides Patriots: There is only one team so having another favorite would be impossible in theory.
Favorite Baseball Player not on Red Sox (Fielder/Batter): Albert Pujols
" (Pitcher) : Johan Santana or John Wasdin. (How I confuse the two)
Sporting News: (Results fit to the scale of "What I would say if I was highly optimistic and a superior athlete?" Most likely that doesn't make sense. I do not care)
Basketball Skills: 78% humiliating
Baseball Skills: 56% humiliating
Football Skills: 40% humiliating
Soccer Skills: 99% humiliating (Hit in face with soccer ball at least twice without question)
Injury Report: Countless Finger Fractures sustained by JellyBall Impact.
Interests/Hobbies:
Watching Baseball, Football, Basketball, Tennis, Golf, Hockey, Poker, Table Tennis....(In other words, anything but soccer that is on an ESPN or FSN affiliated station)
Frolicking in the leafy glade.
Stepmania/DWI (With fingers 99.9% of the time)
Video Games: Most any variety; prefers games that involve decapitation or draw and quartering torture procedures. If not, a game with excessive blood and gut-wrenching goriness will have to do.
Sitting in silence.
Biting my fingers into scar tissue.
Not Studying for anything.
Watching the snow fall one flake at a time.
Listening to Video Game Soundtracks with grins, ear to ear, on my countenance.
Drinking Bottled Water.
Losing myself in thought.
Deriving Formulas dealing with shapes in higher dimensions...
Watching "Awful-ly" good horror movies.
Bitter Sarcasm that makes people implode.
Music Interests:
Nobuo Uematsu, Yasunori Mitsuda, DJ TAKA, Metallica (Enter Sandman only), Led Zepplin, Simon & Garfunkle, Devo, Boston, Queen, Van Halen, Beethoven, David Bowie, Mozart, Captain Beefheart, Atom and his Package, Frank Zappa, James Steiner, Smashing Pumpkins, BUS*STOP, Captain Jack, and much more eclectic tunage (pronounced tune + age and fabricated!!!).
Special Information:
I use maxims on a daily basis.
I use maxims improperly on a daily basis.
I like chocolate that is not white.
I am easily excited and aroused. (Raunchy people will think sickly of that. You have my approval)
So now, form a single file line and here comes the Zo man....sweet succulents...
(Not only is this a sham, it is the truth. Furthermore, women are smart enough to stay out of this vile creation. In conclusion, I need a shower sometime within the next lunar cycle.)
Sincerely yours,
The male form of a temptress of your dreams, Zo